Put me in the clip (Disc Golf Masters)

Name: Put me in the clip (Disc Golf Masters)
Uploaded: 2026-07-15
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "Put me in the clip (Disc Golf Masters)" (Disc Golf Masters) — 205 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-07-15Disc Golf Masters

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205 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 we love our jinx. see don't we? yes, we do did you did you make a new lobby i did and i i invited you directly that's a thing. i know. yeah, he did it. oh shit. here i come that's golf course next to me has disc golf now then you could do both. oh it's like diddy kong racing you could be like in a plane or a cart like me against tiger woods but he's got the clubs and i got the discs and
0:33 i'll take the plane. am i freaking out? 300 meters! this shit says balding. oh, i've got my vip prints equipped for this one. oh shit. wait, this is a real golf course. that's far. i threw it way too fucking high, man. double perfect. 156 meters. oh no. oh thank god. it somehow knocked the bunker. oh, now my stance is gonna be all freaked out. cut through those trees, don't hit them. yeah, you know what? hit a branch, i'll take it.
1:18 better than hitting a log, you know? always saying that. that's damn right. wait, this thing flies like a beast, man! i think i'm aiming too high. i'm gonna do that again because i think i could hit it in from here. oh, we got a gentle breeze too, lads. just be careful. that is gentle. you might have i'm realizing now you might have already said that. i've literally never looked at the wind in this game. alright, i'm gonna get this in the basket from up here, bro. oh! great shot though.
1:56 oh okay, okay it floated. isn't it hole one? it is hole one. this is hole one. hole number one. he's done it? i did bad on that one because i kept just reshooting. i got par. alright. damn, damn. okay, okay.
2:21 me eating a five guys burger in my car. yup. damn, damn, damn! i feel like i need to get more car vloggers into my rotation. isn't that guy... is that the guy who got the like dick implant? and now he just talks about his dick implant all the time? i don't know anything about that but i'd like to. yeah, i uh... i don't know. dick implants. someone in all caps said what? no. no.
2:53 i'm sorry, that's dame drop? is that not the same guy? dame dash from dragon's den? dame drops? that is a guy. he's got a cock implant. he talks about it a lot. have you seen it? maybe he's just making it up. i don't think he's shown it. what is a dick implant? it's like you can get a smartphone enabled cylinder in your penis that when you tap a button,
3:29 it gets hard right oh i thought they were touching another penis to them no i thought it was literally they made they they lengthened it oh that's not like a mod that's uh that's surgery that's cheating more dick dude yo i'm gonna set up a company instead of calling it neurolink i'm gonna call it neurodink
3:49 yeah, love that. i like that. put a supercomputer in your ding dong. because you know how guys are. we always dinging with our cocks. that's true. they say you think about sex every six seconds. every six sevens. every six sevens. yep. yep. six severance. that was a tv show. i don't know, man. i had a professor in university and it was like a biology of sex course. so it was tangentially related. he told us that
4:23 there is a penile lengthening surgery, but basically all they do you know how like 80% of your dick is inside of your body they basically just go in and like cut a cord that holds it in and then like more falls out comes on of you. yeah, but it doesn't really stand that attention proper. yes he did tell us it makes it kind of that's like the more ain't the merrier. i
4:48 yeah, right. i want to be like, you know those like woodpeckers how their tongues wrap around the back of their skull and like that's gonna be me you want to be able to back yeah, it's gonna wrap around the back of my skull they say 85% of the penis is inside of you i'm gonna put 85% of it inside of you. mmm
5:18 that's something? i'm probably gonna put 100% inside. i'm just gonna be real. ah shit. i don't think anyone wants 85% of what i'm working with. when you're working with that small, the percentage is really just kind of dumb. that's exactly what i'm trying to say. yeah, yeah. yeah, yeah. this ain't gonna work, man. that's fair.
5:46 i've always said people know i don't have a heater because if i did i'd be posting that shit like crazy. it'd be so funny. you'd be doing porn? not porn. i'll just be showing it and being like check this out would kind of be like the ultimate punchline to be able to just be like, yeah. well, yeah hey check this thing out. don't do crazy fans for free. come on, man. i absolutely would i told chad like when i when i hit my fitness goals i
6:18 i'll post ass for free. you're gonna post ass for free? yeah, just for the love of the game. just because they've been good? yeah. yeah, like a celebratory here's my ass. like with just the cheats or like the hole and everything? uh, no hole. it would be tasteful. the goatsey goal. yeah, my goatsey goals. sounds like goatsey goals. goatsees. man, i can't find a good way to throw this thing. yeah, this course is fucked up. alright, curve me, curve me.
7:02 yeah, i curved it like beckham nice i'm telling you we're gonna hit a level where we can throw it like like an axe and it's gonna unlock new strategies in this game i'm gonna be rocking this frisbee like mjolnir imagine like the gonna be like the happy gilmore of the frisbee golf universe inventing a whole new approach running up to it. it is club look like a hockey stick or am i i
7:32 am i making that up? yeah. or he got chubbs gave him a club. chubbs gave him the hockey stick. his putter looks like a hockey stick. his putter! yes. because it kind of works because it's just a flat surface anyways. it doesn't, you know? yeah, that was really nice of chubbs. what a guy. chubbs is the real one. holy skip, batman! easy 115 meters. that landed so beautifully on top. i know, i really thought it was gonna go in. yeah. dang it.
8:12 it would have been a birdie. that's already a shot called a tomahawk apparently. oh yeah, i'm sure it exists. i mean i was doing it as a kid. that's fair. how else was i getting the 500 meters, you know? yeah, that's true. ooh, too early. nice run up. and i hit a tree. this game needs golf carts and weapons. i can see it. the hell was this? i saw a very funny video last night. i don't know what band was playing but it was like a hardcore show.
8:44 and a guy drives a golf cart into the pit. and then people started stage diving off of the golf cart. and i just thought that was nice. it seemed a little dangerous. definitely it seemed a little dangerous for sure. now remember when we golfed and then we didn't pay for the golf cart and then at the end of the back nine we just stole one? i do. i think we didn't pay for it or you didn't want us to have it. i think we were already a little bit liquored up.
9:16 i just remember them yelling at us from the clubhouse going like hey, yeah off the golf cart yeah, i do remember that but it might have been like they didn't want us driving them for a good reason probably so remember i sunk out like a 40 foot foot putt
9:35 did you? but nobody you guys were all like off the green so nobody saw it and it was like the best part i've ever done in my life. i'm sorry man. i did not know. i was there with my girlfriend but she goes to another college. yeah. damn it. i did not know that. oh my god. dude that's the that was such a beautiful shot. it bounced really far away. as is this one. so nice. oh. i'm right there with you man. i should have run. should have ran. i've never been real golfing.
10:06 it's actually such a vibe. it is fun. i went for the first time in like a decade. i swear to god we i shot a ninety six on eighteen. that seems insNLy good. it is really good. i was like after so long of not ever playing all of my like super slices. i just i forgot. i forgot all the bad. i had a friend when i lived in new york who
10:36 i remember him being like, you should come golfing sometime. and i was like, ah, i just don't really feel like it's for me. and he was like, bro, just get shit faced. and we drive a golf cart around. there is that. it doesn't sound legal either. the only thing is there's like kind of, you know, there's other people playing behind you or whatever. so you want to be mindful you're not taking too long and stuff. but like nobody cares if you're bad. so when i was living in florida for a few years, my backyard was a golf course.
11:03 and it would be funny like seeing the people like really pissed off waiting for the people in front of them to finish a hole. just standing there like leaning one leg out of the golf cart just staring at them as if they're going like, all right come on. it just sucks because like when you suck at golf you're like how am i supposed to get better without playing? yeah, what do you want me to do? you can go to the simulators.
11:29 i guess they do have a lot of simulators now. yeah. yeah, i saw a golf. i was, yeah, i guess i saw a golf simulator place near me and i remember just being like, what the fuck would do that? really? it's not the same but i mean they're still pretty good in terms of like kind of the fundamentals i guess. you know and again it's just fun you can go in with like a six pack and a couple burks. that doesn't sound nice. yeah.
11:57 there's one that's like, i didn't know this until recently, but it's like 24 hours. there's nobody there. you just, you get a code in your email. yeah. they've been popping off lately. and then you use it to open the door. yeah. that's crazy. as like a business that requires like literally no labor. right. well, i mean, you know what? i got to clean up the vomit after they leave, but yeah. yeah. i'm assuming y'all got them in canada, but y'all, y'all are fucking with topgolf.
12:24 we don't have a man. really? i'm surprised. not to glaze the united states because i know americans hate when you do that and for good reason but like if you could think of any for profit business that is fun it does not exist where in canada. it doesn't i mean maybe if you get out to like more suburban areas they can make a talk the economics of a top golf work but in canadian cities you're not allowed to have fun.
12:53 unless you're eating at good restaurants for sure and then like jogging jogging goes crazy. don't get me wrong but i mean, yeah, i was saying like jogging kind of do that anyway that's true. fuck me, i guess but then the restaurants yeah the restaurants canada's wonderland canada's wonderland in vaughan you ever find yourself in vaughan ontario definitely on them on the must see in vaughan list your my flight deck area and
13:28 i do gotta get up to canada at some point. it's a good time. i've been meaning to. once i get over the horrific fear of flying, i wanted to go gallivant around the west coast a bit and then get my way up to vancouver. it's a good time up here. i bet if you spend a long weekend in seattle, i am conservatively gonna say you're gonna get recognized 25 times. really? i get recognized a shocking amount here in richmond. the seattle of the east. it's a pretty small city.
14:00 did i tell you i had someone, i was playing magic a couple weeks ago and someone was like, have i heard you laughing in a mario party video? that was really funny. they were very nice. i also had the, when my buddy's band was playing here, which is jeff rosenstock.
14:25 people were holding up their phones with writing on them that said like, like, hi jeff or play this song and then someone held up their phone and it just said 8c justin and he turned to me and he was like, what the fuck? i was like, yeah man. love that. almost whole and wounded on this hole by the way. fuck. we gotta keep going till we get the clip. so close. i was like, i was like two or three feet in front maybe of the chains.
14:53 it would have been perfect. do i just keep throwing it? that was so nice looking. that was so nice looking. well, like it's actually harder than real golf because in real golf you can miss and then it'll roll in the hole.
15:06 but in frisbee golf you gotta... i mean the chains only occupy a certain amount of 3d space. by the way, you gotta go through the gate on this one. oh yeah. okay. he's right. they should have battlebot style flippers on the grounds that'll flip it up. if it lands on it. oh, fall guys would be so sick in this. am i going over this fence? i hit the sign of the fence. oh, that's so embarrassing. it looked good. do i have to go through the fence? like i'm gonna have to like aim to the side now? yeah, i think so.
15:40 i'll just you know, yeah, i'm through the fence awesome gentle breeze my ass man never had an awesome blossom blooming onion i've had one but it's only been at the airport outback, so i feel like you can't take me seriously it's one of the foods that i you know like almost never had but after seeing how many calories in a blooming onion i was like i could never have one again may legit be in contention for the worst thing you can eat. oh
16:14 it's in the thousands. probably like, um, i have to imagine like a baskin robbins double chunk oreo milkshake might be worse, but it is one of the worst things you could put in your body for sure. yeah. yeah, it was rough. and i love onions, that's the thing. i fucking, i'm an onion freak. it's like 4,000 calories. well, it's all the batter and the whatever dipping sauce, right? yeah, they're just, yeah, it's the batter and the fact that it just like, the whole thing just goes in a vat of oil for a while.
16:46 that's what i'm gonna do. i'm gonna open up a restaurant, bloom an onion, it's a have one of those uh food challenges. if you can eat, and i'm gonna have okay so here's what i'm gonna do. you know how they do they like inject pumpkins with like giant syringes full of whole milk?
17:03 no, i've never heard of this. that's how they get them to be like, you know, those like 2000 pound pumpkins. really? they're putting milk in them? yeah, whole milk. i'm going to start doing that. wait, does it just swell the pumpkin or does the pumpkin feed off the milk to get bigger? no, they probably, i think they put it in the vines or something maybe. i'm going to do that with my onions and then i make a bloomin' onion and if you can finish it in under an hour by yourself, you win 20 bucks and a free t shirt.
17:35 not a bad idea. yeah. yeah. oh, actually, you know, you don't you don't get the 20 bucks. you get the t shirt and you don't have to pay for it. do they otherwise inject the pumpkins with with whole milk? i'm pretty sure someone in chat said, wow, mouth is right. i had no idea they did that. yeah. wow. people always go mouth is sounds like he's like high on some kind of drug, but i never lie.
18:02 about pumpkins and milk. yeah, no, that's fair. if i were going to trust anyone about pumpkins, it would be you. it just seems so so because i did a science experiment on plants and the plants that i was using did not like milk at all. right. spoilers. there's a lot of plants. they much preferred water. yeah. we should try it like coffee. should try it on coffee. might make them grow faster, right? oh my god. yeah. now i'm just thinking about the tobacco episode of the simpsons. they should be making tobacco.
18:38 all time great episode. yeah, one of the greats. goon and onion would go crazy in texas. goon and onion! jesus. i still love, i found in a home depot parking lot with this massive ford 350 truck and just at the top of the windshield, massive all caps, it just said gooner. and they had the vanity license plate that also said gooner.
19:12 or maybe it wasn't good. it was like chelsea or something. i don't know. obviously they were a fan of whatever the soccer team is. they had a football team, yeah. i saw it. i couldn't stop laughing. i was at a wawa in florida and saw like the most degenerate car i ever saw. i said that crazy. that was so insane. oh my god. i ever saw... mark wahlberg. i don't know what happened to me. but uh...
19:38 it was it was a car with a full wrap and i'm not going to say this right probably with with the ego face. yeah, it had just thousands of the ego face and they all think they'd come on them. yeah. yeah, there is a particular i don't know which word i want to use a non problematic word so i'm not going to say phenotype but there's a particular brand of like
20:07 just subordinate nerd that clearly like was bullied in school and now that they have like a good tech job they're like oh yeah all the shit you bullied me about well i'm gonna actually use it to signal like that i was right and my life is awesome and the the fucked up cum covered anime car raps are easily the the most brazen of all those sins
20:33 yeah, yeah. yeah. no, you're right. i see him around not every day, but at least once a month. yeah, but you got to protect the paint job. well, you have to have some kind of rap. yeah, i get torn because there's a part of me when i see people being that horny in public, i want to hit them with a newspaper.
21:02 but then like sometimes i'm really horny, you know, it's like on your car like yeah on your car is a bit much i don't even have any bumper stickers
21:12 me neither. i don't want anything identifying on my phone. no, no, no. that is crazy, man. it's nuts to me, especially like political bumper stickers. it's like, bro, you're just hoping that some psycho doesn't key your car or worse. i know some of the fucking washington plates i see up here with the harris walls 24 sticker. i know that bitch is a magnet and you slap that on right before you get to the border.
21:34 so your shit doesn't get fucked up here. dude, that's my mom. really? my mom has a thin blue line magnet that she puts on as she drives through the south. really? that's so funny. yeah, yeah. and then she takes it off when she gets here. well of course that, you gotta do that. that's obvious, but... i think that shit is so fucking funny.
21:57 there's also another tie and this actually is gonna hurt someone in chat so i apologize but the ironic i have 50 bumper stickers on my car person that has popped up in greater numbers than ever before in the last like five years is they're getting to the point where it's getting a little annoying.
22:18 where every single one you got, oh keep honking i'm having a panic attack. my other car is uh, you know, uh, delorean keep honking. i'm a heckin chunk. yeah like that. it's getting yeah, it's too much man they are too much but some of them do get me like so sips link to me one that says uh, if you honk at me, i'll kill myself. okay? at least do that at least get brazen with it
22:42 yeah. and then i also saw someone the other day that had a, keep honking, i don't know how to fucking drive. and i was like, you know what? that's pretty funny. we should make one every time you honk, i cum a little. oh fuck. every time i cum i produce a court now. yeah, keep honking i'll cum. that's gotta be what he says. or every time you honk, every time you honk. you're cooking, you're cooking. every time you honk,
23:23 uh, every time you honk, who's like a bad person? um, um, um, uh. i'm going through my rolodex. sweater. akronov, could you load the game a little bit faster? i don't even see another guy coming. i see his name. don't say malala. every time you honk, tyler perry makes another movie. alright, yeah, yeah.
24:07 saw one that was it was a possum and it said when you're honking at me. this is who you're honking at i thought that was kind of fun. yeah, so the possums looking stressed out. i imagine yeah. yeah, the possum was mad yeah, yeah, i hate i had a bumper sticker i wound up putting it in my house on something instead but it was it was the cracker barrel logo and said i sat on my gun weird and blew off my dick and balls and my wife left me at the cracker back that was a good one. well acronov said his game crashed and
24:48 a lot of people would be mad at you that you filled the lobby just to crash and ruin the lobby, but not me. not me. you didn't code the game. should i not be ready? i think you should stay ready and at some point the kick will go through and the game will start. i can't be mad at acronov. that's right. they played star wars monopoly with me for two and a half hours. they also sound like... that's a real one. they could be a gun on a flag. it does sound like it could be a gun. it's true.
25:27 for 30 bucks, they refunded. they refunded the game. oh man, can i tell you something harrowing? i uh, it's not that harrowing. i hate, so during my subathon i went to the range.
25:41 i was nervous that they would be like get the fuck out of here. mmm. yeah, but i was like, oh it's on my phone they might not notice and one of those range safety officers leans in he goes are you streaming right now on that? i started sweating and i'm like, yeah, and then he leans in and goes what's up, justin fans but now i haven't seen him in over a month and i'm hoping i didn't get him fired oh no
26:03 i don't think i would have ever everyone who works there also they saw that my stream said like birthday subathon and they all said happy birthday as i was leaving and i'm like, thank you it's like a month ago, but thank you it was very nice. i'm gonna remake the lobby. oh, yeah acronaut
26:30 you guys prefer using your personal disc bag or is there a preset that you particularly like? you know what, i could go either way. i never change my first beat. really? yeah. sometimes you want to take one that has a little less fade to it. i grabbed a little of the most power. i'm like neo. that seems important too. i'm like neo. i'm basically, i'm good with whatever you want.
27:02 when you when you bowled when you were a kid did you have a strike ball and a spare ball? no. i had a spare ball. because i never needed to spare because i always struck. well that makes sense. i guess if i was better i wouldn't need a spare ball. god i've been bowling so long. i loved bowling when i was younger. you know bowling alley sometimes they got some of the best burgers around like you know just because it's a bowling alley doesn't doesn't mean like their food's gotta suck you know.
27:31 i think the last time i was at a bowling alley was with mal before we saw fubar 2 with your older brother. like actually? i think so. it's been a while. oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
27:51 the decktrian kind of era. my last time bowling was a goated session. it was me, apollo, chiblee, and bloody. did you crack 100? i think i did.
28:06 that's like the as a fully grown just don't man if you if you get a 101 people are like good job if you get a 99, they're like what the fuck is wrong with you. i know i hit either joe i think i was like maybe like a 190 or something. that's fucking crazy i was i was playing a lot. so we for any long island's knowers. we were there was a bowling alley in hempstead and
28:29 and it was 99 cent games throughout the summer and me and my friends would take the bus there and just play bowling all fucking play bowling. we would go bowling all day and it was sick but there was also leagues and whenever they needed a ringer they would just come up to us and grab one of us.
28:44 and it was fun because i was a little chunky white kid with a mohawk and they would go, we want the crazy white kid. yeah, give us that one. and i'd be like, i'm the crazy white kid. yes. okay, here we go. no, out of bounds. huge, huge, huge, huge. i'm going to be ob as well. devastating. i took the lie. i didn't want to do that shot again. hard. i went too hard. oh, mother fucker.
29:21 yeah that shit was fun. one 90 is a great, that's a great role man. we all like, like my friend group got really into it. like everyone got their own, like we had our own bowling balls and our own bowling shoes. like we weren't using rental shit. and then i lost my bowling shoes in a horrible way, which was a group of people invited me out bowling to a place i'd never been. and it was a bowling alley where you pay after you leave.
29:47 uh, didn't inform me that their plan was to just all run at the end of the night. oh no no no and i left my fucking bowling shoes there in the fray and i couldn't go back like hey yeah, we're the people who just stiffed you. can i have my bowling shoes back? so, uh, that was the end of me having bowling shoes and i think i stopped bowling after bad vibes. yeah, it ruined the whole vibe yeah, i'll go bowling
30:20 i tried to go bowling. they're dead out here man we got like two in a city of i don't know like a million people. i tried to go bowling with taffy and noah when i moved here and when we showed up they were like yeah we're booked through for the night. like what? like that could happen? i feel like it's still like an easy kids party thing right? yeah yeah. bowling birthday party was goated.
30:44 oh yeah. that's how we went to the nafini bowling alley for and you know him but we went for his birthday party in like the eighth grade maybe. sorry justin you don't know him but now i was gonna say i know. and then like after we finished the games the lane didn't reset so we just kept hucking the balls down. i was like yo let's go free bowling. so for like an hour i was just hucking ball after ball down the lane
31:16 then his dad came to pick us up and we got in the car and he was like hey you know, they charged us for all that bowling at the end. no way i was like, oh i must have played like at least 12 extra games like 140 frames of bowling in ground insane. oh
31:36 that's insane. and then you never were invited to a birthday party ever again? well we're estranged now but i still have his copy of xenosaga episode one also sprach zarathustra so i'm really i'm probably up like 300 bucks on him to be honest because i think that's a rare ps2 game now. i never heard of it so it's got to be rare. it's got the robot on the front she's doing the ahigao face. that classic face. now watch this drive. oh this is a tough one.
32:11 i landed close to it. oh, maybe i'll use my mom. i also got the mom. i've never had disc is also named moment. how do you switch what disk you're using in the same category left and right on the d pad? i see. i gotta see if i'm using the proper disk. whoa, that bounce was sick. as iago faces taking me out man. oh, that's good. that's good. i'll fucking say it. parmesan cheese really, really good.
32:46 pecorino romano also fucking also a peak italian cheese and grana padano and grana padano they're all good. they are all good. it's not all about the parmesan. you could get a little bit of all them i love them all i had some brie cheese earlier. really? i just cut up real quick got on some breton crackers i got on the cheap oh, baby. brie is nice. oh
33:16 great. i'm like a bit. i'm not a big cheese guy, but that's a good cheese. great. i love a cheese i don't know what it is with cheese for me. like i uh, like i could do cheese on stuff i just don't want cheese alone. you know what i mean? yeah, i feel like the cheese on stuff like i feel like a like it like i remember i was at a supermarket and they just handed me like a little block of cheddar, but it just felt weird in my mouth i just didn't like it, but i love cheddar on stuff. the secret to cheese is like
33:47 when you're going to bed and you're like, okay, i'm not gonna eat anything more today. you could still eat like a bunch of cheese and then go to bed. i feel like that would make for some horrible bed farts. well, yeah, i can't argue with that. you'll be asleep, so who cares? exactly. if anyone else is awake, that's their problem. yeah, that's a good point. yeah, i just don't love a cold cheese.
34:17 i want my cheese hot and on the side. cold cheese, hot cheese. you're out to save yourself! oh yes, as an audio slave.
34:26 you a big audio slave guy, justin? nah, not really. you strike me as a big audio slave head. i was doing the dolls, it was yesterday, the day before and on the more or less it was audio slave and something and i was like who the fuck listens to audio slave? turns out like 30 million people. yeah, if you ever go to the spotify charts you will find out that
34:48 every band you hate from when you were a teenager is actually still one of the top 10 most popular bands of all time. i don't hate audioslave. i don't really fuck with them, but... yeah, i don't... what the fuck do you mean, iris by the goo goo dolls is like the 14th most popular song in the world? yeah, dude, that was the other thing. the goo goo dolls came up and i was like, there's no way. but it was like hundreds of millions of players. people are fucking with the goo goo dolls, man. it's crazy to me. it's insane. the fuck? people love nostalgia. how does that song go?
35:21 and i don't want the world to see me. it's that song. because it's the song. it's always relevant. right. and no one ever wants the world to see you. it's a song for every situation. when you're an angel and you come to earth.
35:40 and then meg ryan is like, marry me. and you're like, i can't, i'm an angel. and then you become a human so you can marry meg ryan. but then she gets hit by a car like the day after. you're like, what the fuck? i gave up my fucking angel for nothing. or maybe you're sad that she died, but like city of angels, bro, look it up. i was gonna say, i never seen what you talking about, but that sounds harrowing. movie had a stranglehold on rural canada, summer of 1998. damn, you fucking killed me.
36:16 actually no it wasn't 98. i have a good picture of me at uh in 94 i think it was like my ninth birthday party a bowling party and i have a fucking sick beavis and butthead long sleeve sweatshirt. yeah that shirt would go crazy today. that shirt's probably worth a million dollars. take it on antiques roadshow. dude we were hanging out with another family and the their daughter was kind of crashing out. their daughter's the same age as our daughter so she's like five or six
36:49 and he started doing the cornholio from beavis and butthead. he hit her with the cornholio and she was loving it! she was like... cornholio still plays, man. i didn't think the kids would know about cornholio. oh, i don't think she really knows. i think she thinks that her dad invented cornholio, but... that's really funny.
37:13 that's gotta be one of the best perks of being a dad probably you could just make shit up like you just retell really funny things and your kid just thinks you're the funniest guy on earth. bro, my dad told me he was in the nba and i believed him until i was like six. that's so fucking fine. until i was like six i would be like i wasn't like i wasn't all in i wasn't like he's definitely in the nba but i was like there's like a non zero chance that's his job.
37:41 i mean if you ever saw like john stockton, you're like yeah ok. exactly. i'll be like my dad would be on the couch like watching the nba though. so like you think at some point i would be like hey shouldn't you be like in? shouldn't you be in salt lake city right now? it's ******* really funny. i'm going to make it across this water stance prevented due to obstacle. don't tell me that. yeah, that'll happen. ****** do do obstacle more like.
38:16 right? that's the cool motherf**ker. what am i supposed to do about this man? and i don't want the world to frisbee yes, because i don't think that they could spin it when everything's made to be pushed i just want to putt into the bucket
38:45 i'll just say any rock song that has like a string section, you're working uphill from the moment of conception onwards. your song better fucking bang if you got like a string quartet playing in the background. that's true. i can't think of a like i just can't think of a single good one. i kind of like bittersweet symphony. yeah, it's all it was a good rhythm. good song.
39:15 but like one of those songs i can't imagine i'd ever like put it on but it was on i'd be like oh yeah it's that song. well as you were alive in like 1996 you don't have to put it on because you've heard it probably yeah yeah it's playing in my head forever. yeah.
39:31 didn't they get completely owned by like one of the rolling stones managers over that song? yep, the really cool and rocking rolling stones said actually there's 0.4 seconds of our violin in this so... damn that sucks. imagine writing a song that big and you just get like rinsed over it? yeah nothing. and then idiots online are like well they should have cleared the sample. should have cleared like streamers whose job is using other people's intellectual property.
40:01 they really should have cleared the sample with the fuck around and find out you're in the find out phase of fucking around. oh god. no, ry, no, you're stepping into the discourse. am i? ah, maybe it's not. where's mitch? i'm stepping into the discourse. the rolling stones used to look like the beatles all like preppy and stuff and they're like oh no. were they like oh no? we're the rolling stones. i don't know, they changed the look either because like i don't know, i guess the world didn't want two beatles. that's damn true.
40:40 sadly the beatles beatles the lads from liverpool themselves. i've got a shank out of bounds no move to life. meanwhile me. oh, yeah, yum two beatles. uh huh. no you get it. yeah, you're gonna don't them. it's like two cakes. oh
41:12 yeah, i think i missed two cakes. it's like whenever someone goes like, you know, armageddon is better than deep impact. and then another person goes like deep impact is better than armageddon. and then someone goes, yum, two cakes. yeah, basically. yeah. two movies about it. okay. yeah, it's like it's like volcano and dante's peak. you just watch them both one after the other. mm hmm. in geography class in the ninth grade or at home. i don't think there are other movies i saw in school.
41:43 they had to be showing us movies. all i remember is the one i talked about earlier. these are like greatest hit stories for me but i do want to say again we watched pearl harbor in geography class. our teacher got hired i think to be the volleyball coach but then they like have to teach something as well.
42:02 so he taught ninth grade geography and he showed us pearl harbor which had like just come out and there was a kid in our class in the ninth grade who still covered his eyes when they kissed and we were all glowed on him. because we were like, come on bro.
42:22 he also, i don't know if you were in my geography class, malf, but he leaned backwards on his chair and he was sitting at the back of the class and then his chair, he lost balance and fell and hit his head on the bricks at the back of the class. and he got up going like, motherfucker, fucking goddamn motherfucking stupid. the teacher had to send them to the principal's office.
42:47 we're getting hurt. i remember hearing about it but... oh, that was like... it's one of those stories where you're like, i'm gonna remember that for the rest of my life. that's good. and that same kid in the second grade, he was like, hey, you butted me in line and i was like, no, i didn't. and then he tapped me on the shoulder when i turned around, he punched me in the fucking nose. wow. so honestly, honestly, fuck that guy. that's messed up.
43:18 hope he's doing all right now though in hindsight looking back. i'm like, obviously he's still hiding his eyes, right? well obviously like he wouldn't i mean, you know, let's just put it this way like we've come a long way for like um understanding like personality differences in in school aged children, they probably wouldn't just be having him in gen pop now, but back then it was a fucking i mean, it was a crazy world. we lived in man. yeah. yeah us
43:48 oh, well, oh, they rang the bell a little bit. tickled the flag. yeah, yeah. check this shit out. i just like to think about guy at a strip club, but he's just like looking at the floor the whole time. low key that was kind of me like the two times i've been to strip clubs, i find them really awkward.
44:08 i've never been the one. i do feel like it would be very awkward. it's i'm not just trying to be that one friend who's too woke is literally just uncomfortable. it's just weird. yes. well, it's like, like there's like the you know, everyone's there for the same reason. so to think like, yo, we're all just sitting around hard. no, it just seems weird. like not you won't get hard in there. i watch me. that's how they get you man.
44:37 you gotta jerk off before you go into the strip club. so you've got a rational mind. you got a pre game. yeah, yeah. pre gaming the strip club by going to google and typing in boobies. well, the boners of the strip club are like at least 10 times more expensive than they are at home. oh man, that's good. but it literally just sucks. like it's just, it's, it's a little awkward. and it's one of those things where like, you know, men who were one generation older than you,
45:10 would like you you'll get it when you're older and then you get older and you're like, i don't get this shit at all i think it was like, uh, i don't know if it was like a 200 year bubble from like saloons and bordellos through the strip clubs but like i do not i just do not get it. well, i do feel like i
45:30 like the internet really changed things i think because back then i mean what unless you were like in some kind of a relationship where else are you gonna see a titty? right? yeah. yeah, if you wanted to see that many naked ladies you'd have to be like casanova or something like that. yeah. yeah, god damn it. what the hell is this being horny fucking sucks i just just a thought i had to get out of my head. i have a theory more about that. yeah yeah, i think men kind of ovulate. yeah
46:07 yeah, like you got like your there's no cycle. yes, i think there's a there's like i don't know if it's tied to the moon or whatever like it is for ladies, but there's like a there's natural hormonal fluctuations for sure. there's like there's like months will go by where i'm like
46:24 you know, it's good. don't get me wrong. but i could like there's other stuff i could be doing instead. yeah, you're not really thinking about it. but then like a couple of weeks will hit when you're like fucking feral for no reason. like i don't know if you ate some whole milk or something but. and i feel that. there's a male they're gonna find that men ovulate. they're gonna find it in our lifetime. thoughts? yeah, i'm with you there. 100% agree.
46:54 i keep going to say stuff and i'm like i shouldn't say that. i shouldn't have probably said it either. no, i mean that was fine. that was nothing. i think it's the summer man. i feel like i've become feral in the summer. i don't know what it is. it's bad. it's the heat. you're going. yeah, i think it is the heat genuinely. like not, i don't think this is really bordering on tmi because nothing came of it. so you know it's not tmi anymore. but uh
47:27 like last night i didn't get to bed until 5 a.m. wow. and i woke up for this which is incredible. but i had a very predictable evening where i got into bed at like 1 30 and i was like, hey a little bit horny. let's take care of this. right, okay. and then just nothing would do it. i was like, what do you even do? you just go to google and type like titty? like i don't know. nothing was doing it. oh! that was close. that's not the noise i made.
47:56 that was so much like one of your sub alerts as well. it was the exact same noise as one of your sub alerts. it really was. it was so close. same cadence and everything. then i fell into despair of like, yeah, damn, i'm lonely, huh? and then that turned into sadness. and then to distract from the sadness, i went on my phone, which pissed me off. i saw stuff that pissed me off, and then i was mad. and then i couldn't go to sleep because i went through the whole range of emotions. i'm like, man, i'm going to bed at 5 am pissed off and unjacked off. this fucking sucks. do they still have hotlines?
48:27 i don't know if a phone would do it. i don't think so. i think it's a gen x thing. yeah, yeah, i think i think hotline. i think we're past that. hotline is a gen x thing? well, gen x and before, i guess. yeah, ok. i don't. it's weird. i feel like we don't know enough about gen x.
48:43 i feel like i know enough about gen x. i'm getting my fill of gen x to be honest. i mean, i have gen x siblings so like i do know but it's like i feel like culturally on mass you know they're trying to lay low for the most part. i just assume everything's gone digital sorry. everybody's all boomer this millennial that gen z gen z you don't hear too many people talking about
49:09 you don't know how much the gen xers that are watching are gonna love that. they're gonna be like, yes, yes. he's saying what we've been saying. no, but like don't they i'm saying like don't are they trying to not be talked about? there's there's saying we're forgotten just like our parents forgot about us when they gave us a key and i had to watch tv when i got home from school.
49:36 you wouldn't fucking get it. i had to watch tv for an hour before my mom got home from work. that was great though. that was, i mean, that's when they played the simpsons reruns. meet the simpsons. come on, baby. roll for me. gen x is close to retirement, bro. we'd all be retired if we bought bitcoin. don't think about it too hard. couple of bitcoins. couple of bitcoins would go crazy right now. fudge.
50:19 gen x just doesn't sound badass too. yeah, gen x. it does sound pretty millennials should sound badass. we sound like we're like, mmm.
50:28 take me to your leader. take me to your leader. yeah, that's how it comes off now. i don't know if you guys are the same. i can't picture gen alpha like the phrase gen alpha without imagining like a like a precog from minority report but they're like six years old like like the kid from the matrix who says there is no spoon like whenever anyone says gen alpha i picture like a little kid with a shaved head see i'm picturing i hear gen alpha and i'm picturing like uh
50:55 what was his name in in revenge of the nerds thor? what was his name? oh now that's gonna piss me off. is it thor? i want to say it was like pretty yeah, oh girl oh yeah, i'm picturing ogres jen alpha wait unready. i made a mistake. i need to change the random course to random course. yeah. yeah yeah, jen beta is gonna have it bad
51:27 oh, that's tough. they're gonna get fucking roasted. i mean, they're gonna have it bad in a lot of other ways too, but they're also gonna get made fun of a lot. they just might not have it, if you know what i mean. let's do it, delicate delegate. delicate delegate? what a name. nah, let's not do it. i decided somehow. goodbye, delicate delegate. and now someone else is gonna crash probably, but... gen alpha. i am green screened. i'm in. i'm in.
51:56 i knew it could happen, man. i knew the five hours of this golf docket could happen. i'm loving it, honestly. and we need to hit the clip. yeah, we gotta hit the clip. what's with that golf game you were playing? so it's like, um, it's kind of like qwop golf. what's cool is they give you like objectives. it's not just like play a hole. it's like, oh, go break this sign. go like knock it through this window or something like that. but you got to control like absolutely everything related to the club.
52:31 but it's actually not qwop in the sense where it's like hard to do something good. it's like it's surprisingly, i don't know if i call it a simulator, but it's surprisingly able to, you know, you can be deliberate in what you're doing, i guess is what i'm trying to say. it is kind of like trick shot sim. it's a lot like trick shot sim. okay, trick shot. nope. trick shot. that game is fun. they need dlc for that.
53:00 they do. i'm kind of pissed off it hasn't come out because i'm pretty sure the whole game was like made by ai anyway but yeah like what do you think so just get i don't know you could at least make the dlc with claude or something just tell claude to make it. who the fuck is claude? claude's like the new siri or whatever that he's like and he's too powerful.
53:21 we can't let claude... claude has to stay in the cage or like world society is gonna collapse. are claude and grock at odds? mmm, i think, well grock, i mean he fucking can't even carry claude's lunchbox, i think. oh fuck. yeah. i'm gonna start up an ai company and the boss is gonna be called like deathbot 3000. like... yeah, you're just gonna cut to the chase. cut to the chase. that's what it is. or no, i'll call it sexbot 3000. that'll work. okay.
53:52 i'll subscribe. oh yeah. oh that's bad. i feel like you can't uh like i feel i feel like you can't be a horny guy and be 40. what do you mean by that? why not? like uh i think you gotta really keep it to yourself. oh yeah yeah.
54:12 you know, i got really depressed. not really, because it's also really funny. but thinking about like how many old dudes are just wasting their seed jerking off to pictures that they don't know our a.i. that is really funny to think about. it's like a full like machines win moment that there's got to be like and i'm sure there's some, you know, younger guys out there that are doing it by accident, too. but to have like your brain just get totally owned by a machine like that
54:42 that's really fucking funny. yeah, no that shit is really i like to imagine there's something there being like can you believe all these celebrities are getting naked now? oh my god, they're all doing hardcore porno this is crazy psy unzips. psy, psy young? psy unzips uh gangnam style guy. he's jacking shit. mm hmm. mm hmm. you you he doesn't even need to cuz i'll suck his dick cuz he hates america right, so reason that one of the things about him
55:25 that's fucking if that's all it takes us. i'm doing something wrong. can anyone else not hear the song? call me maybe without hearing sigh in the background going open rewind style because of the 2012 youtube rewind that remix gangnam style and call me maybe i did i missed that one. i missed me maybe my kids really i wish i could roll my r's.
55:52 you ever see, it was from a video of yoggs cast playing ttt but sips saying porno with a roll on his tongue is like, it's poetry. it's been stuck in my head since the moment i heard it years ago. just to have something like that in your toolbox would be so nice. it would be. i'd be saying it all the time and getting chuckles. oh! oh! here's the clip. put me in the clip! put me in the clip, man!
56:26 that was insane. it was insane. in the at the midnight hour, hits the clip. and puts sips saying, poor no. yeah, poor no. it's like that. it's so nice. i don't know how he does it, man. he's one of the pros. one of the best parts of waking up at quarter after five in the morning every goddamn day is that the only person that's live is sips.
57:01 and he's always playing some bullshit, man. if it's not mecha chameleon, he's always playing some frontier simulator i've never heard of in my entire life. and then like building, putting four logs together to make like a box and then putting stuff inside of the box. it's so good.
57:25 i love it. the guy knows his... he knows what he likes. what more can you say? i was watching him do cities skylines recently and it made me want to play it again. see that's why he's the goat. he's got you wanting to play cities skylines. yeah that's crazy. trust me that's insane. oh they got a new dev that before cities skylines they only ever worked on mobile games but apparently
57:54 they're actually kind of fixing the game. yeah, i heard that because i was super skeptical. i was like, oh damn mobile. they sold it to a mobile game company, but like it's not that i'm back. i want to play more. oh shit. oh my god. he's addicted to the disc. is it because you saw me hit the clip? oh, you hit the clip? he just hit the clip. i hit a pretty size clip. alright, we're going to roll in one. let's be clear. i'm going to exit. you want to just back out and get better in this one? yes. yeah. okay.
58:24 wait, should i hit exit to menu? yeah. yeah. oh, gives me a chance to get the k1 grind gold. yeah, let me go to the reward track real quick. i only got one coin. fuck. i want to see if it's going to let me wear the sport tights after i unlock them. i don't think so. i hope so, man. bro, that's messed up. one second. i got to figure out how to add it to my disc collection. i'm getting the reco. and once i get another coin, i can get this. what the fuck is the exact same fucking disc?
58:59 except this one's got a cool ass viking on it. this one just says gold. fuck that shit, bro i'm bringing all my discs the whole caboodle the whole thing all of a full disc bag i fucking knew it. i fucking knew this game was peak. i never should have doubted myself ever doubt yourself oh devs, they're gonna hate me for saying this but to thine own self be true
59:39 add cases man. oh can you do that? oh, no. hey stop it. can you just add cases to a game or do you need to like be valve and otherwise? they're like you're breaking the rules you must have to file some paperwork somewhere. yeah, have an arcade mode where there's like a
1:00:00 boxes or barrels on the course and if you're getting your frisbee to go through it, it's like maybe it's like a speed boost or something or like maybe it blows up. add cases. and then when you open them up you get discs that you can use. they're phasing out discs don't you know. did you have your screen hidden? yeah. because i'm unable to jump. you were in for me for a second. i now see you all but i see none of your players just the names.
1:00:36 i'm connecting dot dot dot. guess what i'm doing? connecting the dots! but imagine unboxing like a one of one fucking doppler emeralds
1:00:53 factory, got like a 20 speed that before you shoot, you can like flip it over in your hands and shit like that. you can inspect it. no, you throw a counter strike, get to run counter strike style and inspect the disc while you're running to where the disc got to do. i'm starting another lobby because that one. yeah. yeah. yeah. first, yeah, but all to four. my shit. bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
1:01:30 yeah, and then when you get the disc in the hole, i am the one, i am the one that don't need a gun, right? oh, god. i thought you were doing the rob zombie. yeah, i am the cool n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n
1:01:59 multiplayer session was closed. did you try the new code? i did. i saw you in for a second. yeah, i was in for one second and then it's a get out. now i'm connecting all the time. not bad, y'all. i shouldn't have tried to rejoin. it was a bad idea. it's alright. you can tell the netcode is good based on how the discord is just like maybe 12 lobby codes in five hours. yeah. sleeper cell's been awakened. maybe we should already start our game. you know what? i did just do that, but i'll go forward and win. you guys just did it. i'll do it.
1:02:39 there we go. i bet that's the key. nothing hurting, no harm in a reboot. to be fair, you guys were leaking codes. yeah, to be fair, i didn't expect you to pay 30 bucks for disc golf masters, bro. wow, devs, i think that is totally normal to you. come on over here, guys.
1:03:09 i want to be able to rotate my guy on the main menu. that would be everything. let's click. maybe like sprays. i want to hit the v button on the main menu and i want him to do the fortnite dance. you guys watching morocco versus france? i was watching it actually while i had my lunch. what's the score? nill nill. last i checked. highest scoring soccer game. i mean morocco's gaming dude. they might take them to p.k.'s. france has aura like uh
1:03:50 killian and bop a is just i mean, he's what's the beefy head with that one dude from paraguay? um showing him some mad disrespect out there, dude well, he was lat cuz the the paraguayan team was they were like beating them up man mm hmm weren't they winning that game at one point? there are my miss rempairs way. no, no, no
1:04:13 there needs to be less mad disrespect and more mad disc respect. yeah, that's what i'm talking about. yeah, mad dad respect. yeah, and bad disc respect. unable to join. unable to join. wow, i got in this time. i'm wondering if maybe it's because i'm sending you invites and then it's like soft holding a spot. oh, i didn't even know that. yeah, i didn't get your invite until after the first failure, so. connecting.
1:04:48 it's crazy switzerland is in it, man. is it? they're like, all right. it's kind of, i mean, i guess it just goes to show that you get enough teams in the world cup. eventually you get like a bracket that, you know, it's kind of a surprising team can make it in. but, um, i think this lobby busted as well. you know what? okay. should we have someone else try to host maybe that could work too. and this time, don't send invites. i think the invites were the wrong idea. i think the code is the way. okay. um, i don't want to create that.
1:05:28 make sure you put it on personal disc bag when you pick a course. oh my bad, okay. i'll remake. personal... yes, okay. private lobby, there we go. code me. and copy... i like that. ace. code me. thank you. code coming. connecting. one, two, three! i'm in. i'm in. we're good?
1:06:14 i'm in. i'm ready. i'm ready. let's go. i am about to ready. i'm locked and looted. cannon park bonds too. let's go man. let's fucking go. oh, it's so fucking makeable. so doable. have y'all have y'all ascended further in the one hour? oh, it seems like it. oh my. oh.
1:06:46 i should have just put it straight on. it barely moved. i bounced it off the top, like off the flat plane at the top, not even the rim. oh, brutal. i mean, almost getting a hole in one on this course doesn't mean anything because it's just so straight. like people would be like, yeah, you just aim at it. it's got to have some kind of crazy curve through the trees to really count. it has been more satisfying at this point. damn, that one was fucking spinning too. bend this.
1:07:22 like this one, people will give you props for this one. i see, i feel like there'll always be someone trying to find a way to deny your props, you know? that's fucking true though. eat these chops? oh, i hit the tree! don't let the prop deniers get you down. motherfucker, man. you know what? i get basically this is the same as the last hole now. i'm out of bounds. what a waste of my fucking time. bullshit.
1:08:03 man, i'm terrible at this now. so do like the parks have these setups or do you bring them? because that seems insane. but also i've never seen one before in my life and i'm around parks. there's one not too far from me. they just have a whole setup out there. maybe i've just been like seeing them but then thinking they're like some shit for dogs.
1:08:27 i could see that. oftentimes at a park i'll be like, that's probably some shit for dogs. that's like a dog drinking fountain or whatever. yeah, that feels like some shit for dogs. oh, i curved it the wrong way it turns out. same brother. maybe i still don't understand this game. you grew up right near one by the county airport. i don't feel like i've ever seen one.
1:08:48 or you know what, i feel like maybe i've seen it before and i was like oh that's like a, it's like for washing golf balls i guess. yeah i could see that. it's a device i've never really, i never knew it was for this until today. clearly it looks like something you drive your bike up to and then you grab a chain and wrap it around your bike. or something you use to de feather a chicken. could be something you use to de feather a chicken. i could see that, i could see that.
1:09:18 yeah, yeah, no i actually, at first i thought you were shitposting then i realized if you put a chicken, if you just slid a chicken through that contraption it would get spat out with no feathers. because people see, some people take like an old washing, or a dryer, maybe a washing machine and they put like pegs and stuff inside and they just chuck the chicken in there and give her a spin. really? yeah.
1:09:51 not all people, but you know this guy was saying those giant pumpkins that we love and we know them so well. he was saying that they inject them with whole milk to artificially inflate them. no. apparently, we've all seen them.
1:10:11 actually is fucked up talking to your pet in the trump voice feels so good i do it every morning and then i don't i have not done that it's ryuka we love we love our kitties don't we we love ryuka tomo to hello he's hungry he's often hungry can't feed himself needs me that's good stuff, there's a good little by yes
1:10:44 who the fuck are my cats? they're not here and i'm pissed. good job, ryuka. licking your balls. you know i wish i could do that. i used to be able to do it. there's times i've heard tales. used to be a lot more athletic. used to be able to reach my balls with my mouth.
1:11:03 that's fucked up, yeah, he's gonna be giving like addresses from the air raid sirens up here and then my cats are gonna be like, yay, dinner time. yeah. fuck. i don't know who this guy is, but i like him. motherfucker, man. no, he's up hills, dude, i swear. nice bounce though. okay. i'm in there. yes. clink. all right.
1:11:53 boink dude, this is the one this is the one trust me. you want to go mid range here. i'm a i'm a potter you don't want you don't want the putter on this one. you want mid range? oh, yeah different well, this is going out be a hole in one and you're gonna have an ace the race. oops that would have fuck up my throw that's literally a hole in mine was a bad shank. yeah. well, you know what? we're going through right? we'll settle this next time this is that done. oh, oh
1:12:31 i've been moving my mouse way too fast. you don't have to move in the mouth. you're using your mouse on keyboard, dog. that's insane to me. i really should try the controller. i fucked that up real bad. i mean, they recommend it right when you open the game. it's like the first thing.
1:12:54 oh really? i didn't notice. oh yeah, they're like if you don't use a controller you're a little turd. oh my god yeah, that's crazy they say that. devs, uh, less call me a little turd when i boot the game i think. i'm gonna veto that one. you're yelping up perfectly with hearing some chains rattle. yeah, yeah it did. it did sound like the start of don't stop till you get enough. at least that's how it sounded in my head.
1:13:30 don't stop till you're numb. you kind of said don't stop like the like the bass in don't stop till you get enough though. don't stop. don't stop till you disc enough. disc enough. disc golf. disc golf. sand trip it'll. yes. i got i followed yeah yeah. let's try this. give me the run up baby. this shit is tough with a fade like this man.
1:14:06 me with a new haircut. oh man, i'm getting a haircut tomorrow. i love haircut day. i'm so sorry for my new haircut. remember that? jagger bombs, jagger bombs. fuck i like i there's a part of my brain that does but i don't know what you're talking about. yeah, video where it's a video called my new haircut where a guy says jagger bombs a lot. it's not like a known guy. he's like he's doing a skit. yeah, but like what guy is it? he's doing it like a jersey shore thing i think.
1:14:42 so it's not a known guy, is what i'm saying. it's louis ck, you know who he is. it's louis ck. oh, it was louis ck? okay, then yeah. okay. i don't remember that still, but... it's not louis ck. oh, okay. never mind. have you all tried any of the harder stuff? you want to dive into like a black diamond course? dude, pop it off. oh my god. yeah. i got 12 minutes. let's do it. go wild with it. did i win? i think so. i got minus six. what'd you get, malf? what's your score? i got minus six. oh, i also got minus six.
1:15:14 okay, we tied i like to think we all won. yeah by playing together. yeah yeah, my fuse mold found the fairway on a hundred percent of three drives this round. yeah okay edit what do you what do you mean little did he know the next 12 minutes would change him forever? what the fuck? oh shit i think actually yeah as far as i can tell i
1:15:43 there's cannon park, manoka springs and baldur? yep. and then there's a few different grades. oh, and then the difficulty levels, right? i haven't had a package get lost in so long. and like, i don't know what to do. i had a package depart. it departed a post office on july 2nd and nothing's happened since. just called them. who? like, you got an email?
1:16:13 like, i don't, there's no like, there's no number to call the post office. do i call the company? are you receiving or sending the package? i'm receiving. i'm the package receiver. do you, so like the person that sent it didn't give you like a tracking number? no, like the tracking hasn't moved. it got brought to a post office and left the post office and has not moved since. yeah, just call them and be like, here's the tracking number. what's going on?
1:16:42 do they even have a phone number? because like when i hit support it just gives me a phone number. i mean who is it like fedex or something? no, the united states postal service. yeah, they have phone numbers. just go to their website. they do. they're hiding them. and then they'll probably put you on hold for like eight years but like eventually they'll be like yeah no um we don't know either but then at least you'll know that they don't know. that's just what i do. i just call people until i'm disappointed.
1:17:20 my frisbee hit the ground and then rose into the air as if it had been given a second shot by jesus christ. it was so, like it touched the ground and then it went like, boop! bro, he fucking unlocked the christian frisbee before we could. that's messed up. i know the number one disc golf player in the world has like, god first in his twitter profile, right? it just seems like so guaranteed. or at least like a babelfish sticker. i can't remember what babelfish is.
1:17:49 that's also the original google translate. oh my god, that's crazy. all i know, like i know literally five people who are into trick shots. the four dudes from dude perfect and then the hypothetical number one disc golf player in the world and they're all deeply religious.
1:18:08 i mean, you know what? it must be an asset when you're doing a high variance sport like that. yeah, i mean, you gotta thank someone for it. angels in the outfield? think that guy was pitching with that little help? well, the help was the angels, right? exactly. you gotta be realistic. too late fumbled. come on, man. what am i doing?
1:18:31 making a i'm showing fuck. i'm showing the world showing what if i have no green bar, oh there it is. yeah, i see you baby could be worse you could be showing them your asshole. that's true. perfect or not. perfect role then why is it in the fucking lake? huh? perfect. perfect. it should say bad job bad job, and then i would feel better the curve they should call me the bad job idiot
1:19:02 why are they collided in midair? that's a retail. why are you closed? we want to shop now. have you ever seen ttc leprechaun? another toronto cryptid? no, it's a guy in a bowler hat and like a vest and a green shirt that is the exact green that the riddler wears.
1:19:21 and the video is him sitting on a bus like watching a video on his phone and then the lady's going, i just don't get why i can't sit next to you. and he goes, you get nothing pay attention. and then she keeps yelling at him and he goes like, i don't talk to airheads pay attention. it's really good. you would love it. you gotta you gotta cue that one up. sounds like they they need some help though.
1:19:47 you know and somehow i got a voicemail without my phone even ringing and it was someone trying to scam me yeah that's how they do it these days yeah it's crazy tech i i i put it on it was something about uh like lowering my student loan debt guy who didn't go to college oh you think that means you don't got student loan debt yeah i fucked yeah it's true it's true it's true people uh take out credit cards and they're like their child's names all the time
1:20:22 you could do that. wouldn't that be something like it's like you take out like a credit card in your child's name and you use it to pay for college and then you go to college and you like graduate with like honors and all that kind of stuff and then like. and then they post debt free on instagram. yeah. and then you just get like a free job because it's like you went to college. college equals free job. that's how it works. nice shot. damn.
1:20:54 wait, was that in from all the way at the start? no, no, that was my second shot, i think. yeah, malfie. who could be different? could be my kid ruining my damn credit score buying all those neetos. dude, i love the credit karma app. just like pumps my ego every now and again. it'll be like, hey, your credit score is better than 99% of people your age. and then you're like, yes, yes. i 100%, by the way, thought you said le reddit karma.
1:21:28 my loretta karma is better than 99% of people. i thought for sure you said loretta karma and i was incredible. i was very fucked up over that. if i said that you'd be allowed to kill me. trying something bold on this one. i don't think karate karma is hitting everyone with that. i mean my shit is i don't think my score can go higher. i've i've i hit the high score. don't take this from me.
1:22:06 i'm at 100 out of 100, man. i'm perfect. i mean, there's a number, right? it should... if the number seems right, i bet it's right. it's like... from like... what is it? it's like 300 to 850 or something like that? like, that's so arbitrary. why is it like that? i'm sitting on 847, baby. okay, dude, that's really... i believe that. 847 seems crazy. it does feel great. does apollo still not have a credit card? he had to get...
1:22:40 some form of credit as a like a perfunctory measure to get a mortgage, i know. so he must have a credit score now. let's see. here comes a perfect throw. god, every now and again i throw at the same time one of you do and then i'm seeing your disc way off to the side. i'm like, what the fuck happened? get in there, let's go. let's go. i gotta work on my short game, man. these are huge mushrooms.
1:23:28 yeah, i got i got a mortgage and a couple credit cards and i ain't never missed a payment so they're like you're our hero and they're still giving you like a little a little room well, they'll still be like, here's what you could do to improve your credit here's where you're fucking up apparently i should just be taking out loans and shit apparently yeah, they like love when you do that, which is they do i mean, i guess they know what they're doing visa's kind of like making a lot of money all the time. yeah
1:23:59 i feel like you'd be proud of me ryan. i'm finally, aside from i'm like three years into having a roth ira now. dude, that's wonderful news. i got my guy doing the indexes now. very smart. or whatever it is. yeah. that's how you do it buddy. maybe someday i can retire. deep in the future. you guys want to see the craziest shot of all fucking time? yes sir. big angle.
1:24:32 i was in the damn rock. this is much harder. motherfucker. you got a mouth. you hit the clip, but not for the reason you wanted. yeah. don't put me in the clip. i think i might have lost mouth. sorry. i was talking about pizza. nah, that'll happen. are you still rocking the fixed rate pizza from pizza pizza? i haven't had pizza pizza in quite some time. i got a pizza.
1:25:14 when inflation was going nuts, oh so long ago, the canadian pizza chain, pizza pizza, said you could lock in a pizza price at 20, 23 prices and hold it. that's funny. locking in a pizza price rocks. that's the idea of it. the problem is pizza pizza. yeah, their pizza sucks. i love you guys starting to say that at the same time. pizza pizza's really bad. i thought you were just being cute.
1:25:47 it's not a little caesars thing. yeah, i thought you were just doing a lot of people think it's a little caesars thing. it's not a little caesars thing. and they've been around for a minute, but it's it's not good. that's fair. i've been big on it. if i ever want pizza these days, i just make a pizza.
1:26:08 yes. well, what i've been doing is a little it's called arbitrage. i bought a bunch of fixed rate pizzas in 2023 and then the prices have gone way up. so whenever i need a little money, i just go outside the pizza, pizza and i hawk a fixed rate pizza for just under what they're selling it for in the store. and then i use that to go to domino's and get a pizza. that's business, baby.
1:26:33 tweeting at donald trump donald please reevaluate the pizza pizza we need to cut the pizza rates reevaluate the pizza pizza din din din ours dinners. yeah. oh, okay. i guess are the iraqi dinar. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah, damn dude. yeah. oh no, oh this is not looking ideal ain't gonna cross the water from here man. we talking about i will i
1:27:10 shit i keep hitting trees smokes a lot of weed. yes, dude mm hmm. that could be me but i'm playing yeah, i've been off the weeds since august i gotta say sometimes i miss it. i really push back on
1:27:32 well, okay. you just told me you've been sober for a while. so this is like a fucked up thing to say so don't listen i really push back on the idea that like people have that when i'm 70 i'm gonna do every drug man like i'm gonna do coke and heroin to me that does not sound fun because have you seen like the average 70 year old they don't want to do coke man and like do a crossword puzzle there's gonna be insane. you're gonna drive them insane. yeah, it sounds exhausting the exception is if you're like a
1:28:02 if you're 65 plus, i don't see why you wouldn't be on gummies like almost all the time. it's nonstop. because like there's, i'm not gonna say it can't ruin your life, but in a way like the closer you get to the nadir of your life, the less there is to ruin. which is why like you can look at your phone when you're close to home when you're driving. i don't know why i thought you were saying when you're close to god.
1:28:33 again, they are old. they are closed. they're getting there. i feel like once you're like retired if you want you should be you should just be zonked out on gummies as much as you want. yeah, yeah, that sounds right and the rest of the time you should never touch it ever i was gonna eat like a lot of cheeseburgers. yeah going cheeseburger crazy in my old age i've been big on making smash burgers later become a little smash burger still never had one. i
1:29:10 i have a black stone and i just i love smashing a burger on that thing. they're good. it's the maillard reaction. yeah, yeah. caramelizing the the you get the lacy meat edges. although i will say so a&w has been advertising these like smash burgers and there's a bunch of like reviews and stuff i saw. i think it just looks like they're just taking their normal patties so they're not actually smashing
1:29:38 you know, which is another thing that bothers me more than it should, but when people say they're like on r slash burgers and they're like look at this smash burger i made and i'm just like that's like the fattest burger i've ever seen like yeah yeah, i think it might have been slow puke saying that she had the a and w smash burger and it was fucking like bad the a and w burgers are good. it's just like you know don't make fun of him for going to r slash burgers. i went to r. that sounds like a subway once a month
1:30:09 i get great ideas for burgers. i go to my local subreddit. that's like the one reddit you'll find me posting on. r slash subways got, i don't think i said that right. r slash subways got some heat man. all the drama. bring you great posts such as like coupon doesn't work anymore. am i overreacting subway crossover? am i overreacting my sandwich artist?
1:30:41 put only one line of mayo when i asked for extra mayo. n o r, that's n o r. for sure. i uh... i post on the richmond subreddit and in a moment of, you know, in a low moment in my life they had a dating thread and i was like, yeah, fuck it, i'll post in there. and i just got a reply saying like, what are you doing here, justin? and i was like, this fucking sucks, man. and then i deleted my post.
1:31:10 you didn't have to do that, man. you have to delete your account in that situation. yeah, dude. there you go. i did not realize i did an 18 hole here, by the way. my bad. dude, i love it. it's fine. i love it. oh, great. yeah. turns out that's not a banner. that's a wooden fucking sign in case you guys thought you were going through it. oh my god. i hit the arrow. it fucked me. oh, i thought i'd turn sooner than that. oh, i didn't even realize there was a mandatory.
1:31:39 shit. fucking bullshit, man. i went around it. turd. alright, here comes. the fuck is that? that's like a ooh! that's a different country, man. no! it didn't turn. i'm your private dancer! i'm terrible. oh my god. did you just say onterrible?
1:32:06 ontario. that's what it's been like somewhere i've never been. doug ford took over. i swear even before that maybe. i do love the ads that they played during the world cup that are like we're making ontario safer by building more jails to put your neighbors into. like the ads are straight out of robocop and i'm barely laying it on.
1:32:27 they're like, for us being safe means throwing more criminals in jail. and then they show like a family holding hands crossing the street or something like that. the family is basically going, thank you, doug ford. they're jaywalking though, so throw them in jail. yeah. doug ford is a big old meathead and he'll probably run for fricking prime minister and be like, i stood up.
1:32:56 to donald trump. he literally the reggae guy look like a meathead though. like not even yeah like meathead is such a good description. he looks like it's like if you took like a roblox head and just like turn converted it to flesh. yeah, he was the guy playing reggae in like a council meeting. literally rob that's his brother. yeah, who's his wife? yeah, rob. yeah, rob ford died years ago, but his wife just died. oh really?
1:33:24 yeah, well now i don't really want to bring this up, but i'm going to do it anyway. all time rob ford moment is when.
1:33:30 he got accused of eating another woman's pussy and he said, i have enough to eat at home at the press conference, not even like off off mic. like he got caught like leaving a restaurant. they held a press concert. that is just fucking funny. that's exactly how unfortunately a lot of these guys are like really, really funny. yeah. i mean, it's a shame how much harm the guy does because trump objectively kind of funny. one of the funniest living people, i think like genuine like it's
1:34:00 it's ridiculous. dude, someone posted the other day like he's still making royalties from home alone 2. he made like 80 some thousand dollars. really? that's crazy. that's why i don't watch this shit. like of all the things he's done that maybe pisses me off the most. oh god.
1:34:24 that's crazy yeah he did just say the islamic republic of japan holy no way that sounds like you went off there's like yesterday i think he was doing a whole you said a lot of shit yeah that is unfortunately accurate he said a lot of shit real fucked up yes what did what if i wouldn't say that one time we got we got korea and japan to make peace or whatever it's not like that yeah so like i'm the guy who got korea and japan to to
1:34:54 got ceasefire or something like that. i can't remember. we just got to keep getting older crazier guys in there saying goofy shit. i'm the guy who got australia and new zealand to be friends again. trump has got to get them to rain fire. yes dude. he's not really that funny anymore but some of the hits are crazy like that fucking
1:35:26 like, i made a perfect phone call and they indicted me. that's insane. that's so fucking funny. never before even conceived of, much less uttered by the president. entirely new phrases. oh shit. nothing bad can happen, it can only good happen. that's just like, wow. i mean that really just is like, it's kind of the perfect
1:35:59 example of why any kind of comedy you try to create out of him is so much worse than anything that is just produced by him, you know what i mean? yeah, yeah. you cannot, you can't write something like that, like he just has to spew it out. like manifest it, yeah. yeah. has to erupt from within him. that's why i don't like him. he's ruined snl. yeah, big time. i stay up late and then i turn it on, oh this guy again.
1:36:29 he's fucking saving late night tv though you know what i'm doing if you had to guess what i'm doing what am i doing you're doing some weird thing with your hands no you're doing jerk off dance no i'm doing the where he puts his hands very close and then he pushes him out and he brings him back in yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a classic move get in there
1:36:55 he's looking yes that's right he's looking for the pussy he can't find it i found it it stinks close it back up he's doing something like that okay no wait that's an snl sketch though like that yeah yeah it's either you can't try to like you have to double down i think that's the formulas you have to just like really explore what's happening there yeah we gotta hook you up with lauren man get malan on the horn we do need lauren on the horn
1:37:25 what happened to that lady whose whole shtick was just like reciting trump speeches like pantomime? she has you still doing that? she parlayed that into a couple of movie roles. that's crazy. i know exactly who you're talking about. i think she was in the jerry seinfeld pop tart movie.
1:37:47 alright i'm gonna need you to explain the jerry seinfeld netflix a couple years ago it's all about the invention of the pop tart or whatever that's not good and it has everyone you've ever known
1:38:09 the biggest ensemble cast ever created and didn't give it four stars he did it feels like you pulled into three different bags and one had like celebrity names one had items anyone had a medium of jerry sivel pop tart movie it's really
1:38:26 it's really fucking funny. it's funny too that like it didn't even seem that weird when it came out but in hindsight, yeah, that's a fucking weird sentence man. there is a there's a flamin' hot cheetos movie too and it's easy to get them confused. if they don't have the hot cheetos and takis song in it i'm pissed. you know the song? i don't think so. hot cheetos and takis. oh, it was a good song. doesn't sound that good.
1:38:56 i'm gonna sunny d and rum yum yum think i'll go and get me some honey d and rum yeah i know that one we gotta we gotta trade songs here yeah could be you all we'll make each other a mixtape you gotta do the you gotta do the partial step the partial step to the side here which can you like start stepping and then immediately throw i was thinking of that but
1:39:30 that's good stuff. yeah, you got a fucking eagle. no, that's a bogey