I'm holding site like a beautiful painting (Counter-Strike 2)

Name: I'm holding site like a beautiful painting (Counter-Strike 2)
Uploaded: 2026-05-22
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "I'm holding site like a beautiful painting (Counter-Strike 2)" (Counter-Strike 2) — 46 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-05-22Counter-Strike 2

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46 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 i'm not even gonna fuck with you. the black pill on parenting is that like good parents, bad parents, obviously there is a difference but i think like 80% of it is controlled by the kid. i think a lot of good parents are literally just, i mean they're system players let me put it that way. i think they got drafted into an organization that happened to have a very, a kid with an easy temperament and i think a lot of bad parents just happen to go to a dysfunctional organization like the vancouver canucks to be honest with you.
0:29 they were set up in a position to fail. i think i got a targeted sex hotline phone call. damn, you seen punch drunk love? yeah, in theaters. damn, damn 24 years ago. wait, it says, i was set for a bike ride and got my jeans caught in the bike chain. and the bottom ripped. that was the voicemail? the voicemail was i was going out for a bike ride but i ripped my jeans in the bike chain?
1:15 you're not hearing it? no, sorry. i got scared. i started talking over it. at first i was kind of upset, but then i thought about just cutting them off and make those really short shorts, you know. that's crazy, man. yeah. and at the end of every one of these calls, it says, if you wish to opt out for many further promotions, press two. how many times have i pushed two? and then chad's like, that's just confirming you're real. i'm like, what do you mean? you can't... aren't they legally required to take me off the list?
1:52 i mean you've seen the movie bro ain't nothing legal about what that mattress salesman's doing. it's a scam i know it's a scam i can't i can't get them to stop calling me they said they call from a different number every time so i can't even like just block it it doesn't work. let me teach you a little secret about voicemail you have one new message to play this message press 1. message deleted you have no new messages
2:23 these are funny though, because like the iphone does the thing now where it like gives you a transcript. yeah, yeah, visual voicemail. yeah, yeah, yeah. it's fucking funny. who signed you up for it? it was me! i've told this story before, it was an accident. well, not an accident, i thought it was a joke. turns out it kind of was? this is audible. i'll be banning overpass because i learned the fucking smoke, man! oh, i don't want to play mirage, okay? well then you should fucking play mirage, man.
3:00 there was already four votes on overpass. oh, i don't want to play overpass. i know that to start t side, start t side because i know the smoke. what? i know the smoke, so let's start t side. oh, that is t side, my bad. i was like, wait, isn't that... it was an in game phone number, yes. an in game phone call? okay, guys, i smoked the window. oh, let's see, let's see. let's go marvel at my incredible smoke. see if i smoked... see if i smoked connector.
3:43 w smoke on can still leaves a little bit at the top to be honest a little bit getting headshot a little bit at the top but then maybe youtube shorts are goated. i literally learned tech in 12 seconds. maybe the kids are on or something. i guess i don't need to have a smoke grenade for mid round one. huh? what's the play? double flash frag round one. let's do this. he said, fuck it. yes. and green is asleep at the wheel.
4:23 could be good if he sucks at driving. life is but a dream, bro. he's on corner of sight. good fucking kill. good fucking kill. did you see the aura with which we pushed out of sight though? holy shit. okay, i got one and i got ori got one, does need a gun. stall, stall him for time. he has the, he has the one, he has the one. it's a pretty funny profile picture as well. okay, smoking mid.
5:20 can you tell them, can you tell them you're gonna throw smoke, wait for smoke to bloom and then go mid? we're gonna throw smoke, wait for smoke to bloom, go mid. change this. yes, you're saying yes. change this voice for it. oh my god, our smokes almost hit each other in the air. that would have been catastrophic. ooh, perfect smokes, brother. damn. i'm flashing over top for you, kory. i fucked up. close your eyes. yep, one's on site. it's hurt though. fucked up. one's in mercado. what the fuck? you're alone, you're a bomb.
6:16 why do you think i'm so scared man? one more mid and then you know that guy. it's behind you. oh, oh, just buy galils. please just buy galils so we can win every round because it's the best gun. w coms by the way, corey. that was a good call. my team needs to buy galils, man. they don't respect the galil. should go a this time too. teammate died of heaven. i'm going to go pick up his gun.
7:13 i'm gonna stop the flank, i mean, and get his gun. i don't know what this fucking guy is doing. folks on me, bro. he didn't even have a gun. oh, the best gun? there's one. there, down left sight. i gotta be honest, i really thought i was gonna have him. i really thought i was gonna have him on that one. guys, we need to get galil's. 70% of our team's kills, not our team kills. 70% of our team's kills are with galil's. okay, i'll go galil mode with you. i've never shot it. dude, it's so good. just shoot him in the head. same thing with every other gun.
8:08 poor man's ak. yeah, yeah, yeah. and you're always saying shit like i'm broke. like a real glazer. yeah, i have bombs. some loud ass size 12s back there too. those heads snapped back like crazy. alright, well our guy died to a deagle in mid. oh, fuck. wars hell lads. pray they're unmedicated and uh, just wait for them to come down. i got your back covered, kory. swag.
9:16 we'll see money weed. oh, fuck. he's window. i don't even see where the fuck he was. was he in window? yeah, he's in the window. that's bad. i'm just gonna say, and obviously these maps are balanced for good players. i'm never walking out of that fucking tunnel again. one second after walking out of that tunnel, i die every single time. it's never gonna happen. i would rather run out the apartments. i'll take my chances running out the apartment balcony than go to that tunnel. we did just kind of fucking stop on the balcony.
9:56 that's the average b rush, i'm not even smoking window here. average b rush is like never stop for any circumstance and then you fucking get there and they're like, i'm scared. w connector smoke, fucking ego pick with the deagle. he's killed me, which seems pretty fair honestly given the circumstance. he was in his base, that was a good try. bam, what a shot, tough one. ambitious plant, w, w plant man.
10:51 good fucking try. no matter what i'm saying. nice try. no, i'm not gonna say cuz that means i believe you can't lose now i'm gonna say nice try jack give me a text version of youtube shorts for how we get out of the spiral. we're in a mirage right now we smoke number one. we smoke mid that's a given. i can't buy smoke actually know it no head armor i guess sean the head of deserve to die. okay, and then having done that i
11:41 what's step two? why are they shaking their head like they're smoked? he thinks they got off. he thinks they got off? bro, they're smoked. they're fucking smoked. why are... i've got bomb top of mid, bro. they are smoked. did you push cat or...? yeah. one's rotating window. your step's connector as well. it was my teammate getting killed. i've been flashed mid. i'm about to die with bomb mid. no, i'm gonna clutch up. confirmed. op down window. i'm going through apartments to b. where you at, kory? i'm in apps. one's on site. one's on site?
12:35 is that confirmed? good try, brother, good try. one's benching back. he's right back there. he was. tried to bend my knees so i wouldn't make noise. he was there. planting for nothing. yes! easiest game of my life, to be honest with you. what's your heart rate? i gotta log into my watch first.
13:43 to get my own 61. all right. wow. nothing wrong with that. it's probably from 10 minutes ago when we were in queue. so we'll just do that every round. oh, no, we got a jinx viewer, i think. what's wrong with that? except for i mean, i got beef with him because the dude flushed me. but you guys should be pretty chill. he's doing the water are we or whatever. i'm not familiar with that, to be honest with you.
14:26 steps connector yeah he ate that one i think window maybe near window i think that's our teammate stepping near you cori you might be right don't don't listen to me i mean i can't make it he's killed me with bomb top of mid i guess i'm learning good kill i should not just go top of mid and wait for both smokes to dissipate i guess i have to go somewhere yeah you need to use the smoke good kill who'd he kill window mid to be is bread and butter
15:15 oh shit, he fucking put his feet down and said not today. bread and butter is smoke window split b two apartments to cat take control of the site. see that's youtube shorts for text man. they should invent that in san francisco. youtube words will be the move. deep breath, long exhale.
16:20 huge, huge, huge. we're literally doing it every round. last time i got 3k and the clutch kill on the diffuser. this time you got 3k clutch kill on the diffuser. i'm so lucky i killed that guy in window because i was fanicking. bro, that was great. that was like anyone else would have run and guaranteed their death. only you would have stuck it out, man. they almost crossed again. i wonder if they can hit each other.
16:59 i would bet that they could. kory, your smoke kind of didn't quite hit right, man. it didn't work? i didn't think it kind of... you can still see the top of my head. i could have killed him. it's not your fault that i died, but... what a shot. holy fuck. one left. i'll be your a teammates eyes. a is clear. they're on cat. you have killed him, as you know. a little too late for that, unfortunately. dude, we pulled it back. we're feeling good.
17:53 it's all good at apple. that one round spiked my adrenaline so much. i'm not recovered. i beat you on that one. damn, it looks like we're going a this time. let's fucking do it, man. corey, corey, you got the bomb. we're going a, brother. i have the bomb. i have the bomb. w awareness, w humility. i thought we were doing the same thing every time. i thought so too. our teammates had different ideas. up and jungle? they got the site, so. the young one?
18:51 the jungle? the young one? yep. he's molly'd off his own ability to enter the site. okay. i don't really know. i mean, that was an interesting situation. what do you think, kory? first time chatter. avid cs player here. i'm amazed how you make this truly bottom of the barrel gameplay look so entertaining. w northernlion. you think that's a case of like low social awareness or deliberate trolling? either way, enjoy your last message.
19:26 i'm asking you do you think it's trolling or do you think it's a teacher biter? teacher biter? i think it's trolling for sure. yeti burner account. here's someone near window. that's us man. bench, the benchler. good fucking kill. that's one bench. still on bench. huge grenade opportunity. he's so lit. yeah. don't wanna brag. i did five and one to him somehow. and then i can go up.
20:42 next round is ct. oh okay, kory kory. we're kind of swagging up here on the eastside mirage the smokes that we've learned here have really opened up this map to us. yeah, it's really changed the game we don't just run down mid no protection. i guess they're gonna day, huh? yeah, but the smokes still give us cover cuz they're like, oh shit. they're doing the smoke thing you're doing this milk thing mid you're doing this milk thing and they always kind of i
21:11 he's being a really good entry driver, honestly. under, under. holy shit. oh, wasted bullets. love this, love this. two got swagged. one more. ct. ct. i saw his shadow and still didn't kill him. that's so embarrassing. 53 in two. motherfucker, man! no, no, no. we resign. resign. we don't deserve that one. i don't deserve that one. you guys did great. i didn't do anything that one.
22:02 you're doing enough, man. you're doing your part. look at this. thirteen and six. it seems like they only have two players on their team. to be honest. yeah, it's kind of like what the penguins have been doing for like at least seven or eight years now. i don't know if we want to do a. slime going out. you are the bomb ler? yeah, yeah, yeah. i'm with the other four people on our team. i'm right next to you. confirmed. two truths and a motherfucking lie, bro. i mean, unlike flynn.
22:59 my god, oh my god, there's one underneath me. oh my god. yep. damn it. we take one with us there's another one over there and then maybe jungle it you hear i'm not saving anything for the swim back brother. oh, no, it's a molly behind you if you want no backseat oh
24:04 pretty good try, pretty good. in my head i saw like in a dark pictures anthology game, i saw me throwing the molly and then like burning to death with my own molly. and i said no, no, no, we ain't gonna be doing that today. that would have been really funny though. imagine the clip of that. hear me out, literally every team on earth does apartment rush round one. you're gonna go apartment? every team on earth does apartment rush round one. that's why you buy a grenade round one.
24:38 i'm gonna be a just in case. okay, okay, okay. oh my god motherfucker man. they're a good thing i saved my utile. honestly that body block might have just saved us. yeah, they're all over. they're swarming like a bunch of little rats. that round took 28 seconds to piss me off. no man, that's crazy. whoops, didn't mean to say that. how'd you do that? i don't know. i think i did b? the red button?
25:41 they've smoked window. they're taking our advice. one cat confirmed. and rethink his life choices. split to eight. they went to eight. fuck. they're all over us. good luck to you, corey. damn. okay. that was kind of swag though. damn. i did do 87 and three. holy cow. yeah. i didn't get much damage on that guy. they need a galil on ct side. i'm going to block their mid smoke.
26:38 this is the only game on the internet you play. i got 4v1, someone said try to isolate fights. you're gonna have to tell them that to be honest with you. their smoke landed, i fucked up. too slow. i don't know what he just opened the mic and just went ahh. i think that means apartments. ahh, maybe it was apps. bro, don't shift walk, we're in hell. this is the killing house. motherfucker. one's bench? motherfucker, man. motherfucker.
27:31 backside backside yeah on site last one yeah, towards market. yeah, you saw a w flash on see i read an incredible flash incredible flash motherfucker you see now you're getting it we got to be able to hold like a site for a couple seconds maybe this is like a like do you do you like to go a or b? oh
28:03 i don't care. i can play either side. you go a because you're close to a. i will go b every round. that way we always have at least some people at each, as i am the only one at b. i am going to rethink my purchases. i flashed a. it seems like a. to heaven. yeah, they're all a. okay. yes! i like this. you always go a. i'll always go b. could be the move, man. could be the fucking move. i think it's the play.
29:00 no, you till cover apartments. sure, bud, whatever you say. house is empty. he said, i don't think it's a nothing cat. one cat. it's a mid push. i think bombs down apartments. damn. no, i don't. damn. our team, our teammate that i was ragging on is actually the one don't need a gun. he's been doing well. smoke out my window, man. yes, man. open it up. open it further. it's so stinky.
30:13 two little guys smoking weed out my window. the sandman sounds like the sandman sounds a lot like the sandman. interesting smoke also kind of sounds like i got weed in the smoke and i don't smoke mid sounds like but i don't smoke. oh cat. cat. w kill corey bombs down on me.
31:03 in con? okay. i'm gonna burn to death just to make him lose points to friendly fire. killing myself to change the course of his life. the most punitive teammate of all time. getting him banned from the game. i wonder if that could happen if you kept killing yourself on your teammates' mollies on purpose. imagine. they haven't smoked mid this time, they've only smoked connector. they smoked.
31:47 yeah, they did some shit at pata man. what the fuck are you doing bro? get through the door. is that an a push? no wrong. that's right as fuck. oh fuck one still con. god damn nice shot. whoa, who's left? maybe apps. oh, oh guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys developers developers developers developers developers
32:41 he's up to i think kawhi's got him in a bind to be honest. yeah, it's a big japan guy. okay, after you. okay, i'm never doubting our orange ever again. i thought our orange was annoying but actually he's the mandarin. man, darren apartments. one one top mid. you go flash flashing compost. top mid. that was a call to apartments.
34:02 one now. he's a van. oh, one top mid too, i think. how does that not kill? how does that not kill? look at the piece of him i left on the fucking wall. last one, kat. oh my god. oh, let's go. jesus christ. oh man. i was very concerned about that. huge. well played around. i got guns in my head and they won't go. yeah, he had a good one. i got cocks in my ass and they won't come.
35:00 penis in my butt and it won't come okay, okay you're doing it wrong then, right? i don't really know about all that some some util, eh? eh? en route, brother oh shit! that fellow was fucking burning, man good round hori! hori! i've had the three good games in a row, okay? you have been kinda you hit fucking limitless you took the drug from limitless, bro
35:56 corey's on the limitless drug pass it on don't tell don't tell they're gonna ban me they haven't made that shit illegal yet. the fda doesn't exist they just they labeled it a supplement and said fill your boots. i do like that the last round are one guy that goes sorry, y'all apartments last guy who goes the guy who goes palace every round got deeged in palace like guys they're out they planted the bomb on so that
36:35 you heard my scream, right? yeah, yeah, yeah, but there was no follow up. and you were still alive, so. 35 and 2. i will say in your defense, i do scream like that on occasion. but every time i scream like that is because i saw, i see a dude. i never screamed like, well, one time i saw a chicken earlier today, but. i think i do think it's really funny that yeti just added you.
37:29 he didn't, he added some victa. no, he added jude before that. i didn't see that screen off the screen. every message is already fucking highlighted and it makes no difference. yeah, yeah, yeah. i think it's a. yeah, yeah, yeah. they're flashing a. yeah, yeah, yeah. oh shit, they're all here. perfect time for a bugle grenade. hold your... under you?
38:12 oh, it's my teammate. that's my teammate choosing to get burned. let's go in these. oh, literally one of the easiest games of all time. oh, we ranked you up. yay. yay. well, thank you for joining me, corey. yeah. yeah. yeah. geez. i'm out of this beast. yeah, man. enjoy later. have fun. bye. tell me to enjoy.