I've lost more than you'll ever win (Slay the Spire 2)

Name: I've lost more than you'll ever win (Slay the Spire 2)
Uploaded: 2026-05-03
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "I've lost more than you'll ever win (Slay the Spire 2)" (Slay the Spire 2) — 70 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-05-03Slay the Spire 2

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70 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 guys, i can't stop winning slay the spire 2. i don't want to spoil every youtube video for you, but here's how every single youtube video of slay the spire 2 that i've recorded this week is gone. i start the run, i lose on the first boss, i restart the run, get a random rare where i go, i don't even know what this card does. i have absolutely no idea what this card does and i think it sucks and it doesn't do anything and then i win easily.
0:27 i play the card that i got from my, i go up against the door maker and i go, there's no way i'm gonna beat this guy and then i just beat him. and if you don't believe me, i mean, the ironclad has made it to the top. like look at this shit man. i'm sitting here going like what the fuck am i doing with this one? wait, where's the door maker? fuck you buddy. oops, died on the first boss to the phantom. go back to the, the defect has made it to the top. hey buddy, hey buddy.
1:01 fuck you! and i was going, the whole time i did the run, i went, i don't even know what this card does. i have absolutely no idea what this card even does. i was playing it for zero. i was playing it for 200 damage. i didn't even know, to the best of my knowledge, i still have no idea what it does. but anyway, i think that means, as always, we're back on the silent. one or two colorless cards can be pretty good, man. let's give it a shot here.
1:40 a shockwave. dude, if we could get a sly shockwave, it would be kind of insane. i also feel like a thrumming hatchet kind of crazy for a character that does no damage. so, i mean, i think that's like we're winning either way, no matter how you stack that up. i'm feeling pretty good about that one. a little curve to the left here. so were you guys fucking with me about snakebite? i still don't understand if it's good or it's a meme. when i asked, everyone said it's good and it's a meme. i don't know, man.
2:18 world's a twisted place. and there it is. and there it is right there. i think if anything, what is this? it puts it on top of your draw at the start of your next turn return this to your hand. okay, i'll just take a dagger throw. dagger throw just seems like it's like a pommel strike. it's one of those things you can just add and not have to think about too hard. you can always add a pommel strike. you can always add a shrug it off. you could always discard a defend. it should say sly.
3:08 put your arms around me baby, put your arms around me baby. i like a piercing whale, i don't mind it. low key, sugar ray's best song. anybody gonna take the under on that one? i definitely think it clears every morning. and don't even get me, if someone's gonna say someday, someday is right there. someday is a joke. someday is when they sold out. now every morning i think is okay. i'm not gonna sit here and say i've never, you know,
3:49 listen to now that that's what i call music too, and that's track two on it i think track one of course as we all know you get what you give by the new radicals i mean you're only going down from there, but that's not sugar ray's fault man. you're summoning summoning an enemy. what is that? why is that sentence so hard you're summoning an enemy you're summoning an enemy you're summoning an enemy hard ass sentence, man. i'm not a skewer head. i like dagger spray. i
4:31 okay, what do you do 14 damage to vulnerable for free literally all you have to do in this entire game all you have to do in this fucking game take the you fight the first enemy kill them take the best card that they offer you from the first enemy then only take cards for the rest of the game that have exactly the same keyword as the card that you got from the first enemy
4:53 and upgrade your rares. upgrade your golds. if all of your golds are upgraded, upgrade your blues. if all of your blues are upgraded, rest. that's it. the end. you will win at least 50% of your runs. i'm proof positive, bro. magic drafting is the same way. i got blackpilled in magic the gathering. i was at a pre release. definitely should have done... ah, fuck it. we wait. i was at a pre release for shadows over innistrad.
5:29 i built what i thought was the perfect synergistic, like two color deck. i don't remember the colors because it's been a while. but i played against someone round one who made a quad color deck and just destroyed me, just rinsed me. and i went, how did you, why did you build quad color? and they went, i just got good cards. i got good cards. i got cards that i wanted in all four colors. so i made a four color deck and i was like, motherfucker.
6:01 pissing me off. meanwhile i'm like, should i have 17 lands or 18 lands? i don't want to get mana screwed. okay, inky shivs that apply weak is pretty solid man. does it make three of them? it does. i mean i like all these to be honest but blade of ink a little more playable. eight damage. we take zero i'm afraid. you would despise commander players?
6:43 what the hell? costs an additional gold? oh, ah shit! i didn't do the math. i was like, well, i'll just play this in a strike. now this does give us the chance to get rainbow ring to pop, which is like basically a power in and of itself. i think we can do much better with a power than infinite blades. i think we'd pass on this. um,
7:14 i don't hate commander players. the only thing i hate is when you tell someone you don't really like magic the gathering and then they say, oh, you've never played commander. and then you explain, no, i have played commander. i was the fourth one, the guy who got eliminated 15 minutes in and then had to sit there and politely kibitz the entire game while they spent like another 110 minutes deciding who eventually is going to win. we ain't discarding that much. just throw a dash in here.
7:58 there's a card with my name in the new set? that's actually awesome. are you jace the mind sculptor in chat? jace, is that you? you're supposed to kill number three first. my bad, y'all. what colors did you like to play in magic? i don't want to tell you because you're going to be like, there's your problem. i'm an izzet head, man. even when it's bad, i like to play blue red just because there's spells.
8:38 and those spells trigger enchantments and those enchantments let you draw and those draws let you peek and those peeks let you scry and every time you scry and you put something on the bottom you put another token on your enchantment and then when you take the tokens off your enchantment you get to scry like it's it's and then at the end of your turn you're like okay my turn was nine minutes long i did two damage and then i scoop i scoop i'm dead. i'm gonna be honest i think my well this is interesting you know what
9:15 i'll take phantom blades. we need something to kind of like build around. you hear about this red button, blue button shit? yes, i have. but i don't fully understand the, i guess, the societal context of red button, blue button. my limited understanding of red button, blue button is that it serves as a signal for what kind of individual you are in society.
9:47 red button is logical. why wouldn't you press the red button? the red button, if everybody pressed the red button, no one would be harmed. blue button is, i love my fellow man.
10:08 red button's the only answer. i try not to get sucked into this stuff anymore because i see it as kind of like an ethical version of like 98% of kindergartners can solve this math problem but only 2% of adults can do it, which is basically almost always just an ambiguously written mathematical expression that for some reason uses the divide symbol instead of putting the whole thing like over what they're going to divide it by. but the dress, okay, the dress is fucking
10:40 white and gold. that one i'll lay my fucking foot down. the dress is white and gold. i don't care if it's literally blue and black. the picture is not blue and black. the picture is white and gold. shivs gain retain with inky shivs kind of crazy, man. now if only we had any other shivs. i'm not falling for decades old bait. you're gonna fall for it and you're gonna like it, okay? odds that i kill you next turn? let's make it a guarantee. certainly would have had you, but...
11:36 i like festive popper. can i say, i do not subscribe to the same belief that my teammates had. oh shit, bro. when we were playing slay the spire co op and they said like, oh, who gets festive popper? who gets the last pick? i think festive popper is all right, man. okay, you're right. it is bad in co op now that i think about it because eight damage versus like a thousand hp is not as attractive a situation.
12:12 maybe my good friends are onto something. that's huge. you know what? fuck it, bro. hit me for eight, see if i give a shit. i take it if the team agrees that i get first pick next relic. can i say something? obviously you don't even have to tell me. i already know. you press red. that's the most i'm smashing the red button answer about slay the spire i've ever seen in my entire life. we run this town, kid.
13:01 well, let's see. we have no other means of getting vulnerable. what wins us the run? we win this fight by drawing inky shivs as often as possible, which means draw is important. and also by playing thrumming... thrumming? throbbing? throbbing hand shit? no, it is. what the fuck is thrumming, man? h'qua. inky shivs. huge. don't say throbbing hand job. yeti's gonna do his listening winds parody again.
13:50 majic takes his package in his quivering hand. i can't get it out of my head. come in my cock come in my hand actually got too many ships. what a tangled fucking web we weave man. oh, i think let's dump some trash this deck can actually bang man. it's pretty good. oh
14:34 discard your hand next turn attacks deal double damage. i don't know, i've never really taken this outside of a discard deck. 10 damage to all enemies repeat for every enemy killed. i've never taken this but i've been interested in taking it every single time. see 15 cards from the regent. choose any number of them to add to your deck. i mean it's that's fucking funny.
15:02 ring of the what? yeah, we don't take this bro. we'll take ring of the kendrick actually. although to be honest, that extra draw is pretty nice. you may reroll each card once. so can i say something? youtube gets mad at me when i win runs on twitch. so we should just take noble glass and then if we win, we'll be like, what do you want me to do, bro? they gave me noble glass. i had to take it. i might end up taking zero to be honest.
15:45 okay, let's look at this like from base principles. i don't think we can have like a star. i don't think we have anything that will like allow us to hold stars. two cards in your draw pile becoming minion dive bombs is probably literally good. i also feel like photon cut is okay. i mean, kingly kick with a ton of draw maybe.
16:21 okay, i bombardment, if we had any way to ex well... nah, i don't know. if we could make it sly or something that would change the story, but i do think charge is okay. anybody else got something they like here? it exhausts itself? yeah, for three fucking energy, bro. kingly kick? i just don't see it happening, man. spectrum shift becomes one cost on upgrade? okay, you know what?
16:57 and powers enable the ring. so i think you've got a case to be made there. if i may say something, beat into shape in a shiv deck seems interesting because it could conceivably create a sovereign blade that could easily be forged like, i don't know, five or six times. it's at least it's interesting. now was that like the best strategic option? no, absolutely not. but like, welcome to zane, bro.
17:38 i think we definitely want to do this. and then have we played a skill? no, no. then we have to play echoing slash. i wanted to play. i wanted to get rainbow ring pop in first, but probably could have done that in a way where we don't take six damage. but what's the half life on six seven goonies never say diamond. i'll just take the blade dance to get them out faster. powers seem good with rainbow ring. i don't know. we might have ruined our whole round. we'll see.
18:31 lead into shape. an assassinate? a blade of ink? let's get a feel for how this could actually work. unless i can just kill you. this does 16, this does 5 with a forge 25. we won't have the ability to... maybe i just try to fucking kill you instead? motherfucker, man. forge 40 is kind of crazy, but also like not taking a shitload of damage for no reason kind of goes crazy. your deck's already 28 cards. i literally win, just so you know.
19:08 there is a shop. am i really gonna dump two good potions? it's already been done, bro. crazy echoing slash opportunity. literally not possible to kill you with an echoing slash, but still. picked up this drunk guy in my uber friday night. i was playing deacon blues on spotify. the guy kept yelling at me to turn it up. dude! i hope you gave him five stars. dude's rock. that's a certified dude's rock moment.
20:06 any chance i could just beat your ass raw, man? do 11 plus 12. i could do 23 damage to you. are you trolling? and then i'm gonna take like a billion damage? nah, man, we might be in hell. i don't know. let's see what this shop does for us. i would happily... we want more strikes because we have a power that buffs... did we not take the power that buffs block? we did. okay, so then let's have less strikes, but one of them is better.
20:59 merchant potions do 12 for future reference? yeah, well, i mean, they also give us 100 gold here and they also do 12 damage to like you yourself. did you know that for future reference? chant up to three cards with a droid. okay, kusari gamma is like too good to pass up in a shiv deck, i think. am i really gonna take accuracy when i need to thin the deck? yes. yes, i am.
21:39 and then i'm gonna try something insane. i'm gonna try to get spectrum shift into a playable territory. oh, i can do anything! that's right, because i have fucking the tent, man! oh! fuck it. i'll write it! this guy's gonna be a fucker though, for sure. okay, what the fuck? what the fuck are we doing? this might be the turn. we definitely have to play blade of ink. that's a given. and i'm just gonna go in on you.
22:39 we don't have... well, we should play a neutralizer. the question for me, kusarigama is solid. do we just take a little bit of block and then beat you in this shape so that on the next turn i can hopefully kill you with like a... with less cards? that was pen nibble unfortunately, but that's a pass for a guy like me. additional seven block? additional... first ship does 12 damage.
23:31 i'm certainly feeling like we're in a tight spot, but let's keep it going, man. you're also pretty bad for us. you're also kind of horrible for us. hey, we got extra block out of tuning fork. haters will say it's fake, but... all right, so we have about 12 days in our draw pile. that's not necessarily awesome.
24:19 i gotta kill you. we absolutely have to. there's probably a way to have done it there. but what's done is done. for j. i'll take an expose. i'll go to a 29 card deck man. i don't give a fuck. start cutting some bullshit on ironically snakebite good just for solving this fight as silent. now that's something i haven't considered.
24:53 that is like that's a 20 slay the spire 1 thinking. it's like i'll take this card that isn't that good in all situations because it uniquely solves one situation for me. i'm not even being ironic. like that's that's actually how you have to think to be successful in that game. consistently at least anyone could get lucky, you know, case in point myself. echoing slash will do 13 damage, but three shivs puts us on pen nib for the next turn. i love it.
25:34 with one of these. same situation, let's beat that ass. you play on the streamer client? it's a living. yeah, there we go. get some decks, get some strength. are there two shi no there's not really two shitty cards we want to transform there. there's like one shitty card we want to transform there.
26:11 phantom blades is pretty good, piercing whale pretty good. you know, we don't... the question is, do you just play a defend for six or do you play a charge? of course i'm gonna play a charge and i'm gonna turn these two cards into minion dive bombs and then hope that somehow we had suffered no consequences for our flippin' behavior. discovery? where the hell did that come from? oh, because of spectral shift. okay. shives gain retain. you're a status. we are guaranteed to draw a frantic escape next turn.
26:47 so this turn... discovery! discovery! yes, man! pow pow. pow pow mentioned a skill. a blade of ink skill is crazy. and then our next attack will give us a strength and dex upgrade. this cost zero. that went fucking crazy. 10 damage forged 20? i mean, the blade isn't doing all that much damage, but it might get us there regardless. i think you just wait a turn.
27:35 like a piercing whale, a frantic escape, possibly two frantic escapes. even though fast, fasten gives us one extra strength, one extra dex with minion dive bomb. i think just putting yourself further away from death is very sensible when we're so likely to kill you anyway, in theory at least. so it didn't work. you're doing 14. we'll hit you there. 32? fuck it bro, we ball.
28:27 surely attacks exist. bullet time. now bullet time is very interesting. i don't think bullet time is interesting at all. i think you just take it and don't even think about it. first card you play each combat is played an extra time. first card you play each combat. i will say, okay, i think all of them are good. this guy might be the goat to be honest with you. seven block every turn. really useful for a guy like me.
29:09 first card you play each combat doubled up. maybe not that useful because it's just an extra assassinate. i mean even that is pretty solid. and killing an elite upgrade four cards, kind of awesome considering we have a 30 card deck. so i think like all of these are very takeable. certainly beats seeing 15 cards from the regent and taking like three of them as a joke. i think we want to take a campfire rich path because of the cookery.
29:41 maybe we will fight every single elite here okay, if i if i may say so because we can rest at every campsite i think we take war hammer and we kind of roll the dice a little bit someone's got to go it's a backflip into a phantom blade to give us a rainbow ring blade dance kills you kusaragami went off we could do five and then ten damage is not enough. um, i
30:34 but if we drink this, ultimate sacrifice becomes free. or ultimate strike becomes free, i should say. oh, gorgé? that's true, gorgé. i still don't know if we got there, though, without it. assassinate? we need to play a skill. we have a skill. wonderful news. honestly, this time, let's play fasten just to minimize our risk of taking damage. i'd love to play phantom blades too, but so be it. we have a skill. we have a power.
31:29 and we have an attack. i think rainbow ring is kind of insane man. i need some blocks. really don't want to use pen nib on neutralize but pen nib neutralize gang. i'm like let's be honest i ain't the only one. probably a good situation to play bullet time there but uh you know we'll save it for the next guy.
32:22 brian johnson tweeted out that he ate his wife's pussy. any thoughts? um, my thought again, not being on twitter, um, but knowing that brian johnson is the vampire immortality guy, uh, please tell me that he spun it into a way to like teach a lesson about, uh, uh, business to business sales. please tell me that the lesson was like, there's peptides in the, in the pussy juice or something like that. nope. it literally just says,
32:55 i ate her pussy good night. oh no no, then it says this is her vaginal microbiome report 100 out of 100 score. her sample is dominated by the single most protective bacteria species of vagina can host lactobacillus crispatus. chris prattis? chris was here man. only about 25 to 30 percent of reproductive age women globally are l. crispatus dominant and dominant usually means above 50 percent. she's at 98.7 percent.
33:24 that's like the new version of the kevin smith sex tweet, but even less cool. he literally said my wife's pussy is platinum. her pussy score is off the chart, man. i can kill a 150 hp dummy. nobody in history has ever killed a 300 hp dummy, so we don't even have to think about that. assassinate, accuracy, expose. blade dance puts you into a position to use an ultimate strike for 45 damage.
34:02 i mean the way listen, he knows what he's doing. i hope for her sake at least. but it does kind of sound like he's going like, no babe, yeah, babe your pussy's infested with bacteria but it's fucking it's the best bacteria that a pussy could be infested with. yeah, your pussy stank, it stank good. why not man? pussy's so good it improved my sleep score hun.
34:42 babe, no, she probably a freak too. i mean, she married him. 18 damage or a forge 25 and then just draw blade dance next turn. that feels pretty good. not blade dance, sorry, bullet time. i mean, either way we didn't get it. you chance, thank you pen nib, because then i can quicken you. you're doing 11. that's like a perfect amount of damage for a guy like me. this decks actually kind of crazy man.
35:42 probably your powers makes more sense. escape plan? sorry, i have a heuristic. my heuristic is i never add cards on the third act. the third act is for adding maybe a couple relics. i'm not saying it's the right way to do it. i'm just saying the stats don't lie. well, this is gonna fucking suck. when the hell did we get centennial puzzle, man? 13 block. rainbow ring popped again.
36:31 we're already in a good spot. okay. phantom blades is still really good. you need inky ships. 32 damage. you're like in firmly and get a life territory. i wasn't even that bad. reflex draws to not very good right now. footwork on the other hand footworks real nice. retain this shift so it does more damage next turn might as well play it is festive popper on fire. nah,
37:34 if it wakes up, it's over for us. choose one of three cards from your draw pile to add to your hand. since when does this individual do this much damage, by the way? crazy. well, it would have been a crazy poll. whatever. i put up enough block anyway. is soda or might as well go for a soda the best canadian song ever? no, man. vip daniel, are you here? mom, pick me up. they're saying kim mitchell is the best artist in canadian history. can somebody do the math for me so i don't have to do the math?
38:17 i guess we could do this anyway. i just want to see if pen nib with an inky shiv finishes the job. it does. it's definitely not the best canadian song ever. i mean without a doubt it's in like it's in the top two and it's not number two but they forgot about justin bieber. it is the best kim mitchell song i would say for sure. heal 10 or add regret for 300 gold. i gotta i mean i gotta heal 10 man because like the odds of this last question mark being a shop are pretty low.
39:04 not to like vancouver post. chat always informs me about celebrity deaths and i always get mad about it. and please, by the way, the man just died. so don't go say, who? who? nobody fucking told me that john garrett, the legendary canucks color commentator died? i was live the whole day. i had to find out randomly watching hockey night in canada. you gotta go. i thought someone told you? no one told me, bro! one of the best to ever do it.
39:43 absolutely, man. i'm just playing cards. but when playing cards feels this damn good, who could blame you? we were afraid to tell you in case you shouted at us? okay, well there might be some validity to that, but we still have plating. i'm not sweating this at all. it just surprised me because i was like, when i saw the news, i was like, this news is fake because somebody would have told me, but nobody told me. upgraded attacks do three additional damage. holy shit, that was an elite?
40:36 don't say we got the news. that's a glib time for that. okay, i can't play bullet tab. i don't have the energy. i'm a fucking fool. you got me all shook up man. wait, but i'm still peak. cardinal official came to my school. i don't want to hear shit about this. we have a cardi house. i saw cardinal official play the festival of lights in vancouver, which is a beach fireworks show. and i'm telling you bro, six seven hp.
41:26 worst concert i've ever seen in my life. i think if you're from toronto that might be your dude, but literally all he did was play like half of his songs, stop and then say like shout out to the toronto raptors. we were like buddy nobody cares. we're like 5,800 miles away from toronto right now. i mean like we're rooting for him i suppose, but at the same time like we don't care man.
41:57 you haven't gone to a bobby concert? okay, the cardinal official was the worst concert i've ever seen full stop. the bob dylan concert was second worst for sure, but i would see him again in a heartbeat. cards that exhaust anyway are peak to play. well, you still do 14 damage. i don't know, that's because you're flicking me. i'm literally gonna take 30 damage just to fuck you up, man. i got ornamental fan anyway. i'm literally going in july, pull the fuck up. yeti, that's literally awesome.
42:43 you're kind of living my dream to be honest. i think we play the cards now because this is the turn when you can play the cards without suffering like his fucking curse. this fella makes cards more expensive. literally missed the part where that's my fucking problem to be honest with you. don't care. twenty four damage. you literally exhaust anyway and the rest of these cards suck ass so of course i'm gonna play them. my shiv did forty fucking damage man. you think this is a fucking game? this one we can't draw.
43:43 literally do not even fucking care because we want spectrum shift. unfortunately, they're the only cable provider in my area. honestly, as crazy as it sounds, i feel like this 3 hp might make a difference. now this one you got to be very careful what you play. not really. dump it. smack them. smack them. 36 damage. see now, now things are getting a little, a little sus.
44:36 good time for a backflip. good time for a defend. honestly, if i made beautiful time for an accuracy anyway and then exhaust this trash from my hand and we get rainbow ring. huge. the weighty damage. kind of a horrible turn. next turn we got lots of shivs maybe. i feel like dark shackles will be more relevant later. it'll be an interesting finish that's for sure. this is exhausts. okay. you need to defend. full stop. you need to defend.
45:40 dump blade of ink. i can't afford to lose it. i can't afford to lose the bolus. no, this is my exhaust turn. secret technique goes crazy here. i'm the one who lives, skyler. i feel like i basically have not hit you. it says strengthen a dex, right? let's send it, man. maybe there's something to it.
46:45 alright, 33 damage. this is where things get very interesting. i don't give a fuck about bolas, man. although i might... yeah, you know what? panache is not gonna be the play for us. it became another entropy. 16, 7... so we're not taking damage. you have to play... you can't draw this turn. you have to play your defense. you also definitely want to play inky shivs. now if we're gonna play inky shivs, see how much damage they do. takes you down to 24.
47:22 next turn we have really good defense. spend two. hit him with one next, or do you just... yeah, you definitely spend two because you don't want to die. and then play... if you have to play both next turn, you have to play both. insNLy good turn for dork shackles. all we could do with finesse is draw something we don't want to not be able to play. that's amazing. we got to transform an entropy.
48:26 became panache which is zero cost. we're definitely gonna play a skill or are we just gonna go? oh skill is blade of ink and then an attack and an attack and an attack
48:48 i'm sorry, i don't know what you want me to say. okay, first we locked in on the fight, but also you can't be mad. we memed it up and said c15 cards from the regent and still easily did it, man. we basically threw the second act. you can't be mad. the 6 hp literally mattered. i mean, honestly, you know, old people stay winning. that's all i'm going to say.
49:27 you got a college degree in slay the spire 2? okay, congratulations. i have 4,000 hours in it. i lose... i have such a capacity for losing you wouldn't even understand.