Somebody close the window (Road to Empress 2)

Name: Somebody close the window (Road to Empress 2)
Uploaded: 2026-06-21
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "Somebody close the window (Road to Empress 2)" (Road to Empress 2) — 66 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-06-21Road to Empress 2

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66 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 oh, drama! drama! they're plotting to kill me. yo, can you keep it down? i literally just ordered doordash from her.
0:19 i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side. i'm not afraid of the dark side
0:58 i'm not a fan of the old man, but i'm a fan of you. i'm a fan of you, too. you can't be talking like that with the doors open. i'm a fan of you. i'm a fan of you. the hair is so crazy. she looks like she's a california adventure. did you just bring the soup to her majesty? i just stepped out of the hall. i'm a fan of you. i'm a fan of you.
1:43 a consort with hair of mouse ling long reported everything to the empress and consort liu at once reported what they were telling me they were they were saying they were gonna fucking kill me i didn't do anything wrong the cindy lou who asked he really throws her like she she weighs like an ounce
2:29 she flies like the kid's body in mac and me when he goes over the cliff on his wheelchair. you think she did her own stunts? the guy is strong as fuck for sure. all you have to do is literally go, oh my god i love what you did with your hair. how long did that take?
3:09 i'm sorry, i'm not the only one. i'm not a human. i'm not a human. i'm not a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human. i'm a human.
3:46 i got horrible news for you, buddy. wait, wait, wait. where did you did you invent this or did you steal this? because this is incredible.
4:15 work like a red onion, play like a white onion, fuck like a green onion. work like a red onion, play like... the only thing i would do, i find a red onion more playful. or even a green onion. i think it should be work like a white onion, play like a green onion, fuck like a red onion. but i actually think that that's awesome.
4:55 i don't know if you invented it or it's taken from somewhere but it's awesome. it's a tumblr post? that's pretty good. don't tell me that fish cigarette is stealing all their shit from tumblr. they're gonna lose so much aura. you can steal a little bit. great artists steal man. it's not from steven universe.
5:30 i know steven universe is putting his hands over his ears when he sees an onion, okay? like, i've seen enough of the show. i can write an episode myself right now, okay? don't lie to me. what the? press a man! they tried to fucking kill me!
6:02 wait, wait, wait. hang on. not to get involved in the lore. thoughts on playing the crazy game that chiblee was playing yesterday? can we educate this new head a little bit about the history of double switch on this fucking website? they're really saying chiblee's done it again. he's found the crazy game no one else has ever played.
6:28 we invented double switch 30 years after it came out. also dealing with the revisionist history in chibby's chat is blowing my mind. people were saying like, i can't believe these games used to be popular. and then i'm typing this shit was on the sega cd. nobody played it. and then a bunch of like 22 year olds who have seen avgn are like, nah, fmv games were insNLy popular for awhile. no, they fucking weren't bro. i was alive.
6:54 it was just me, okay? there was no you knew nobody else in your school with the sega cd! maybe you knew somebody who had mad dog mccree. the cd rom for windows 95, but you knew nobody was rocking the sega cd! or a saturn, that's true. you might have known a couple of kids with a dreamcast.
7:29 you're not the only one who can make us feel better. you're not the only one who can make us feel better. you're not the only one who can make us feel better. you're not the only one who can make us feel better. you're not the only one who can make us feel better. you're not the only one who can make us feel better. you're not the only one who can make us feel better.
7:54 the cycle continues now. who do you believe pushed you? i feel like the little tony soprano, the little rizzler is the one who pushed us, but i don't care. we need to get li zhong out of the picture, man. we need him out of the picture. he's gotta go.
8:36 no, man, i don't want to see a little kid cry
9:09 you come here instead. we'll throw the slightly larger kid in prison forever. i don't want to see a five year old cry man, let's put the eight year old in jail. how do you explain it to lee g young pups got to learn to take some responsibility. damn. i didn't realize he's tall as fuck. that kid is not eight years old he's like 13. oh
9:45 big justice. damn grounded for six months is rough. six months in the palace, no scrolls. cold as fuck in there. i know, i know. beijing the... they weren't lying. oh, i'm dead.
10:16 six months, no kite. not the itchy. this is the worst one, man. i haven't watched the stream in two months. we're doing chinese now. i'm not a chinese. i'm not a chinese. i'm not a chinese. i'm not a chinese. i'm not a chinese. i'm not a chinese. i'm not a chinese. i'm not a chinese. i'm not a chinese. i'm not a chinese.
11:04 since you like backstabbing so much, why don't you stab yourself in the back? hey, people keep saying i have a beijing accent. don't like 108 million people live there or something? i can live with that, man. i mean like having like a newfoundland accent or something where there's only like 15,000 people getting screeched in. i feel like it could be worse. he's really stimming four phrases in mandarin? okay, how do you feel about this?
11:38 how do you feel about that? they aren't from germany, bitch. they're from hong kong. no freaking way. how many countries did you learn? wow, like six. and still haven't gotten to canada yet, unfortunately. they love talking about and well, a lot of
12:28 she ban ya don't even get me started when they do the lesson is pronounced einstein in mandarin and it's like i in certain i in certain sure dog or emma yeah, yeah, i didn't sit on sure dog lauren i think they acted together by the way sorry i got in i got in my own
12:59 did he say germa? i swear you said germa. that turn cold, i'm wondering why.
13:33 all right, well i think we know. okay, so this time we're going to have the laughing poison, i think, or the vomit juice. that's true. i should have blamed the five year old.
13:57 because you can get away like a 13 year old has responsibility for their actions but a five year old less so so you can just blame anything on the five year old if people are like well if it was anybody else i'd be mad but this kid's five so like i'm getting mad it's like getting mad at like a cat for knocking something off a table or something like that oh
14:21 and then they're gonna be like, we've sentenced the crown prince to death by five horses. no! death by five oxen. sorry nephew, it's gotta be done.
15:03 yeah, i'd say that as a joke.
15:35 damn, her ass got grounded again. later you pleaded with his majesty to spare suu jee from punishment and confined consort shao alone.
16:13 rogue grounded his wife for like seven months, i know his golf game's never been better. picture him in the emperor's robes hitting the driver is so good.
16:42 i mean fucking thai coochie in thai coochie whatever so i'm not i don't speak mandarin.
17:17 i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
18:01 she whittled her own chest out crazy
18:28 assistant to the regional consort. they really are talking like, yeah, i'm a servant. a servant to the empress.
18:53 it's giving, um, who are the two, the twin sisters on 90 day fiance? uh, they were like, someone's going to type it by the time darcy and stacy. that's it. yeah. and they were like, we were, we're working at hooters and then the other one steps in and goes in manhattan. oh, i forgot about darcy and stacy. oh,
19:28 i have a recording of that clip on my computer. it's no i can't let you get close, but i do i do really like it. that and larissa when larissa gets introduced to colt's roommate and then the roommate is like i'm a gamer i play video games and then larissa's like oh do you know my favorite game uh bloodborny and then the dude does not know bloodborne! there are gamers out there who do not know bloodborne.
20:00 and then he goes, no, what's that? and then she goes, it's a game where you make your character. it's so crazy. you build your character, that's it. i just like, she, i couldn't believe that, i mean, i'm not gonna say i support everything larissa's ever done, but i couldn't believe that this so called fake gamer didn't know bloodborne. i acknowledge you as my sworn brother.
20:37 who the hell is larissa? you don't know larissa from 90 day fiance? she's a top 10 90 day fiance character for sure. let me open the 90 day wiki. don't even get me started on colt.
21:02 i got out just before the big ed hype. oh, by the way, your method is too aggressive as the lowly attendant to the empress
21:26 you would not dare accept such kindness. she was nice to me! yeah, yeah, i know. give me the soup. give me the soup. this ain't my first rodeo, kid. this was literally how my ass felt after all that molotov i had on last saturday.
22:14 so i'm eating like a liter of molotong and two pounds of pure beef did something to my guts. she forgot about the damn soup. that's how you feel after eating the dr. pepper zero? no, i feel amazing! i think yesterday's stream had such crazy energy because i drank a dr. pepper zero at 8.51 in the morning. it was literally an elixir. heavens above, my dear aunt. without you around, there are still people obsessed with sending others to their deaths with sweet osmanthus soup. her web of soup.
22:55 unites us all. why are you doing the little kid cough, man? he's coughing like that one kid on the disney cruise that our daughter was sitting next to at dinner every night.
23:42 by the way, they just had a cold. they weren't like there was nothing worse going on. i'm not making fun of like a chronically ill little kid. okay, they would just had like a they just had some kind of like rhinovirus. okay. oh, i don't need that evil in my life. they were doing the cough like
24:07 and they never make any effort to cover their mouths. like kids under the age of five, it's just too much. like they spend 99% of their energy just getting the cough out of their lungs. oh shit, the lead earrings.
24:36 5g earrings? can i banter for a second here while we wait for this decision? technology has actually become too slick, and i mean slick as an insult. while we were away in march,
25:03 pardon me. we forgot to pack my wife's airpods. so we bought headphones at the airport for her to use because we were gone for like three weeks. so she used them for the vacation and then when we got home she went back to the airpods and i got the hand me down
25:25 airport earbuds and then i was out of batteries in my earbuds so i went to pair those with my phone for the first time. i can't figure out how to pair them. it says if you take them out of the charging case they automatically enter pairing mode. that's a fucking lie.
25:46 and then it says if you have a different model, there's a button on it that you can hold to enter pairing mode. i've done the silent hill, i've poured over every possible angle to find buttons on these earbuds. there is no button and there is no button on the case. the case is just like a white egg that has absolutely, it's completely smooth like a piece of alien technology. i can't figure out how to do it.
26:20 i have absolutely no idea. some of them have invisible buttons you can only feel with your fingers. oh my god. oh my god. yeah, yeah, i've taken them in and out of the case like five times. i had her, she had the, i disconnected it from her phone and told her to have the bluetooth menu forget it as well but like it just doesn't work. i don't know how to do it. press on the buds while they're in the case.
26:54 some are open the case, leave the buds in, hold your finger on one of the buds for three seconds. oh, brother. this is why shox pro run open ears are the best, man. it's just too much. kate figured it out? yeah, but she's smarter than me. you uncover the truth about the toxic earrings, what do you do? i replace them. i'm not gonna keep wearing them. that's crazy. i'll replace them with an identical pair though. sh.
27:33 half a month later 49 mentions
27:42 damn, they sussed me out pretty quick. you really are a poison master. after that your body grew even weaker and the physicians could not help. so because i...
28:11 because i got poisoned. i was sussed out that i was gonna be poisoned. they just went, ah, we'll just poison her another way. oh, you thought by getting safe from the poison, you would be safe from poison? think again. who could have guessed while your eyes were fixed on one threat, consort liu struck from another direction entirely. well, who could have guessed is real as fuck. i guess i'll keep wearing the poison then. sisi.
28:44 the osmanthes poison company isn't pleased with me. that's okay, i'll keep wearing that garbage anyway. feast mode.
29:18 new balance mentioned. how will you dismantle the alliance between consort liu and the empress? make li zhi favor liu and ryle the empress, help li zhong become the crown prince, prevent li zhong from becoming the crown prince. it's gotta be this. we gotta, we gotta, we have to
29:52 leverage our favor with the emperor and move to number one in the stables. it's that simple. well, this seems bad. you expected the empress to grow weary. instead, they drew closer binding together. after that, your body grew ever weaker and the physicians could not help. probably the poison, if i had to guess, probably the poison earrings, they used you to orchestrate consort zhao's complete fall from grace.
30:36 yeah, yeah, yeah. you were consumed by illness at last, i remember. how about, um... help him become the crown prince and then... then he's indebted to us for all eternity. oh shit. there are no strings on me. after the trial, tyler durden was sent to a psychiatric facility. he was released in six months for good behavior. do i... do i choose?
31:18 oh no, no i do not. transformation in progress. click the wrong button. the minion or the bob. which outfit will you choose? go with the kyren outfit or infiltrate in the night suit? the kyren outfit that's above our station right now. we must wear the night suit even though it's the the middle of... i was gonna say it's pitch day. i don't think it can be pitch day. the unnecessary mother too.
32:02 zero suit samus type shit. the original email job. i love her, she's so crazy. oh, i'm such a wreck.
33:13 i've been writing memorials all day. i've been placing my royal stamp on decrees all day. just go for it, man. he's putty in your hands. alright, that's a little... that's a little fucked up.
33:54 you said it brother
34:10 i've just got a lot on my mind right now, but if... if we could lighten the burden by making li zhong the crown prince... i would be so much more relaxed.
34:40 i'm not afraid of the future. i'll be able to live with it. i'm a child.
35:24 he really hit one of those. stay or flirt then walk away? no, man. his face is taking me out.
36:06 i gotta know what happens. i gotta know what happens if we flirt then walk away. i can't let you get close. let him get close. i can't let him get close. no, no, just take me back. take me back, man. take me back. he's gonna chop off my head for being too forward.
36:56 damn, we're sitting at 198 intimacy.
37:35 oh, so nothing changes? your decisions matter? oh, okay. the comeback is not for me at all.