Bro is talking like Ray LaMontagne (Road to Empress 2)

Name: Bro is talking like Ray LaMontagne (Road to Empress 2)
Uploaded: 2026-06-15
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "Bro is talking like Ray LaMontagne (Road to Empress 2)" (Road to Empress 2) — 98 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-06-15Road to Empress 2

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98 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 road to empress 2. last time, lee, tai and i... i think we're getting close to the end of the lee, tai storyline, bro. because he has just... i mean, you can see yourself here. he just got trapped in the dang capital. maybe... honestly, let's go back and watch this one. oh, now i remember 100% where we are. it's literally the last chapter. huge. you helped me obtain the antidote. i will repay you. this implies that love is transactional? no.
0:31 we're staying because someone here still matters to me. you are my boyfriend now. wait, wait, wait. when?
1:09 when you said nie schurr bend on jack, was that the first mandarin sentence i learned? i learned it by accident in tropic thunder in 2008. nie schurr bend on jack! you are simple jack! bend on means idiot. i'm going to be so annoying next time i watch tropic thunder with a bunch of white people. he said, you are idiot jack. nie schurr bend on jack, man!
1:44 that's awesome! is there a mystery your highness?
2:19 i could never parse it when he says benderjack? well that was before i knew how to speak mandarin and now i'm fluent. way more fluent than the like eight year old chinese kid that they had playing the leader of flaming dragon in tropic thunder.
2:41 why were they speaking chinese in tropic thunder? well, they get kidnapped in the golden triangle in southeast asia. but i think that the implication is that they're kind of part of like a guerrilla rebel sect. that maybe they're speaking chinese because they can interface with more, i don't know, more businesses that way or something like that is my guess. next time i see my teacher, he sure bent on jack.
3:10 okay, your highness be careful. this is where he he passed away. looks like rebellion is my only option now danger for a prince who once vied whenever you see this text, you know, you're in trouble
3:40 though rebellion was almost a path of no return, yet it was still better than waiting helplessly for fate to arrive. by doing so, he'd openly defied an imperial decree. with all retreats cut off, he had no choice but to fight to the last. three months later, prince of wei raised the banner of clearing the court of corrupt officials, gathered his forces and marched straight for sheng'an. whoa! that's gotta be like every person!
4:10 oh, i wasn't paying attention. the night king has been slain. and everything turned out.
4:55 everything turned out just fine. oh, hello. thank you. and now that the battle is over, we peek out our heads. me and li tai watched the battle from a bunker 30 floors below sea level. we did it, li tai. we beat the bastards of imperial court! but who will rebuild it?
5:42 first time chat. i like trucks 69 shut the fuck up. i mean, there's subtitles you can read when i'm talking by the way inconceivable man. oh shit
6:10 this run is doomed. time to start over. me when the random rare that i get from neo as my first action in slay the spire 2 costs more than zero energy. alright, well, i guess... i guess we'll be going with, uh, i will go with you then. damn.
6:54 i knew that was five. i'm becoming more fluid day by day. taiji palace. it's tencent wing night. health department be damned, we're going to taiji palace. kindergarten level?
7:25 that's pretty good. i mean it took those kindergartners like four years to learn mandarin. i've only been learning it for like three and a half weeks, man. we're doing laps around them. but not a real fur coat that's cruel? i had limb lengthening surgery.
8:15 oh, a canadian with salt and pepper hair from a far off northern land introduced me to a game with a sphere of orange that bounces upon the hard court like a frog on a lily pad. wait, do you remember this place? of course. it's china.
8:52 i poisoned your wine. i poisoned yours as well! i don't think honestly, i don't think he would do it. i do love the sideburns are taking me out man. are those sideburns brushed forward or backwards? does mine just kind of grow like
9:29 i guess they grow like straight down on my head. theirs have like a little sweep to them that i'm very envious of. yours? yeah, i mean i grow sideburns, i have to shave them off. you're not a man, you're a man. you're not a man. you're not a man, you're a man. you're not a man, you're a man. you're not a man, you're a man. you're not a man, you're a man. you're not a man, you're a man. you're not a man, you're a man.
10:12 the kunamata litei. his majesty's hidden concern must be... i don't think he cares about this. he only cares about the love triangle, obviously. his concerns are the prince of wei. oh shit.
10:56 nope. sorry, you go first. oh, i like that. i want you. i want wu to show me prince wei. and then they hit the bug in. why would the prince of wei have no intention of rebellion?
11:31 the throne is never what he seeks. he only wants four walls and adobe slats for his girl.
11:58 it's giving like a, he said the burger is supposed to be plain. he said no pickles.
12:24 go on you tell you so you could be shot on g. g. she's also peter to be just a few time will lead his two kings dude. you know, i was kind of the girl being a door sugar. just the only team. there's a song from you a pool. no, man. no, that's a downgrade. no, prince of way to the prince of who should be shot.
12:56 no!
13:40 the the the the the
13:58 no, not the maid cocktail, man. this is a doctor from the far off place where they invented the orange sphere that bounces like a frog upon the lily pad. it's the country's best medicine.
14:28 i know the archers are like, i hope we don't have to shoot them. we're like pointed at each other right now.
15:00 you're not going to make us shoot? i've seen some of the guys on the other side. they ain't that good. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot. i'm not going to make you shoot.
15:41 drink the wine, wait till he yawns and then spit it into his open mouth. draw your sword and go down swinging. another. imagine. fill her up. oh shit! the wine wasn't poisoned.
16:37 but the picture was... you got a fucking... nin tai kuchi, but still like... you fucking tried to kill yourself dude, that's crazy! but nin tai kuchi, nin tai kuchi... who kuchi? guards killed him.
17:19 in another life would you choose to stay in the palace and stand by my side? my fucking... i forgot how to say husband. my xian shang is right next to me bro. you fucking chill? i can't be your tai tai. i'm fucking... ta da... ta da tai tai. wo de xian shang is right there, however you say that. stop calling kory jj.
17:59 that's even more insulting than when we called him shao di di for like an hour and a half straight without knowing that it was slang for penis. he's in the... corey is not jie jie, okay? corey is... he's bwa bwa. he's... he's lao... the lao bwa bwa. the laoist of the... perhaps the laoist person i've ever known. dang ru, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.
18:35 we're in the orbs that give us plus 10% water affinity. did you see ludwig? ludwig the white devil? he hasn't made an appearance yet. we haven't found the treacherous vizier of the west. sure, he's probably clutching some kind of orb or like a staff with a jewel on the end of it.
19:09 the day the twilight is as beautiful as it is today, i find myself missing your highness. i like him. i'll be back before long. which one do you think they want us to click? what a poetic non answer.
20:00 no, man. not the post high school graduation hug. you're supposed to say have a good summer. let's stay in touch. we're gonna be friends forever. oh shit. this is what it's all been leading up to. this is third base in 780. home plate is anything under the cloak. i guess the metaphor doesn't really work because i don't think they had baseball back then.
20:59 they were playing the game where you kick the ball through the hoop that's like 30 feet up in the air, right? it's not with the human head. i fell for misinformation because it sounded cool.
21:30 i'm gonna go achieve all my dreams now. but first, i've been working hard. just a couple episodes or something on netflix. just while i get, just while i eat my breakfast. and then, then i'll go achieve all my goals.
21:56 she took the horse. she took the horse! no! you bring the bull! well, i guess she can head back then.
22:27 i've been tracking that quest for a long time.
22:59 i've got many beautiful places to go, this place is... i need my station to be here for any length of time longer than right now. oh! the golden master man! i'm not a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man.
23:41 i've seen the books! you are getting crushed under high interest debt! you can't be selling 20 individuals for one piece of gold! it's just not economical!
24:15 yeah, but that doesn't tell the whole story. she was trying to kill me! she probably knows better than anybody.
25:03 can we get at least a zendama or something? you're just gonna trust him? is she walking like a lethal company monster? her death was my design. hannibal season one type shit. damn.
26:00 he's got a little justin long thing going on. like he's giving justin long discovering the basement of his airbnb is like 10 times bigger than he thought it was.
26:42 you're not the one who's the best. you're not the one who's the best. i'm not the one who's the best. i'm not the one who's the best. i'm not the one who's the best. i'm not the one who's the best. i'm not the one who's the best. i'm not the one who's the best. i'm not the one who's the best. i'm not the one who's the best.
27:19 i had to change the film canister. and... byron wu kinda is... hittin' there with the dilla gaff stare, huh?
27:53 yeah, we will take care of you. i will take care of you. i will take care of you. one thing's for sure, we picked the right option. we will take care of you. even back then, everybody wanted to leave their government job and run a hotel. it could be vibes. we will take care of you. we will take care of you. she's a bad land chugs cameo yet? she's a bad land chugs cameo yet?
28:42 oh, you missed him. he was in the village. he had two tubes going into a jug of wine and straight into the back of his throat. he was just going... two glass boots of tea. carm wanted you to have it.
29:20 come on, this is tony's belt buckle. what?
29:51 i'm just guessing he's dead.
30:19 if lady wu had known she would have stayed and i didn't want her to wait even a couple of weeks to just start her new life. you gotta strike while the iron's hot. i'm sorry. that's really good. the azure finch chain pendant!
30:54 we're road to empress, guys! of course we take the azure finch j pendant. we're road to empress, guys! of course we know that gao yang's hairpin was made of fake gold. we're going to take the azure finch j pendant. we have a plan. we'll take it. we'll take it. we'll take it. we'll take it. we'll take it. we'll take it. we'll take it. we'll take it. we'll take it. we'll take it.
31:19 i don't know that. i remember that from yesterday. are we stimulated? this happens a lot in korean dramas too. it's very different than in like a... well some western shows have adapted this style but like you're used to seeing like maybe a
31:40 i'm sorry.
32:09 i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future. i'm not afraid of the future.
32:49 goonya. no, it's ludwig! larenjia. you're her. goonya. you're my friend. damn, what happened? now you're old and busted. look at you. you're my friend.
33:26 yes! oh shit! obi wan!
34:05 you really said no matter where i go there i am. you did not meet ludwig at the kanyui temple, okay? that's just you know... that's slander. that didn't happen. oh shit.
34:42 time imprint. you first entered this story on 2026 06 09. you spent that time exploring new worlds and new possibilities. the weight of choice, 69.9. yeah! top half boys! nays on top! you still remember those dead ends? do you still remember lu xi? yeah? zhao nian? yeah, she was around for a minute. mo ying? i don't know if we ever formally got acquainted or whatever.
35:15 number of endings witnessed 17, 15 bad ones, one golden peony blossom, one platinum peony blossom and one golden peony blossom. you have been to many places and lived the life you've once imagined. you guys should hit the share button on this. it gave me an enormous scroll. gave me a picture of an enormous scroll with a qr code. no mention of leetai is a little crazy.
35:57 they were like, fuck his dead ass probably. all right, i mean of course now we're gonna go through the other freaking route bro. you may have forgotten, i didn't really expect that that first decision we would make would lock us into one side of the game.
36:19 i just thought it was like a decision we would make them to be a little goofy and i ended up putting myself in like the b story when i think that the a story is the one where you get with the emperor. but it's gonna be awkward now because you're gonna hate him because he's like the next, like he's the second guy. so it's gonna be like when you were talking some shit about your friend's ex and then they like get back together. you're gonna be like man fuck this dude. but we gotta go back to like
36:48 we gotta go back to the past to play the shitty games that suck ass, man. except this game's actually pretty good. um... how does one... i'd like to restart all chapters probably. i guess we're going to the make or break choice again. and then we're returning to the palace to claw to the top.
37:21 sisi, i am a man of the past. i am a man of the past. sisi, i am a man of the past. i am a man of the past. i am a man of the past. i am a man of the past. i am a man of the past. i am a man of the past. sisi, i am a man of the past. i am a man of the past. i am a man of the past. i am a man of the past.
37:53 we're going to move you across town from the ganye temple to the cam ranh temple. you'll be stationed at the paul wall. hey man, fuck this dude, conspiratorial ass.
38:30 open the chest to see my skirt bear the stains of my what? freaky ass umbrella. we gotta deal with lu ziyi again? i don't think lu ziyi is making it. i don't think she's meant to make it past the prologue of the game.
39:09 the newly promoted shang gong. it would suck so much if like 90% of the game was just repeated scenes, man. oh wait, this is different! this is... i have to go back! they gave us a different choice. or maybe it's the same scene but a different... i don't know, man. whatever, we'll just make our decision and then never do this again. bust through, slip the hairpin to the nun to pass to li zhi or scream li zhi's name.
39:40 i mean, we gotta slip the hairpin of the nun to pass to li zhi. grabs in the damn bucket. they dead ass said we've had enough of your wine. yeah, this is from road to empress one, that's right.
40:15 oh shit. oh so we need to go back in time and set the stage so that we don't get killed by road stab poison. lucy and strike... i just can't read that fast to be honest with you. it would suck to die angry in the kanye temple and then like your soul is trapped there forever.
40:49 and then people are looking at you like you're problematic for your spirit haunting the kanye temple and you gotta be like that stuff happened like 1300 years after i died. and the crazy thing is that you think you're like the good guy because you're like, ooh, kind of weird to have your soul trapped in the kanye temple when you didn't know the full fucking breadth of the context of the situation. you just think that you're so noble as a result of that. press story. i know, i know i've beaten the game.
41:22 i've beaten the game just so we know. what happens if we get a tip? spend 995 gold to unlock the hint and jump to the marked scene? i don't have any gold. i got no eggs, no peony blossoms, and no gold, man. let me think it over. i gotta talk to my accountant first, i guess. how did i earn no resources on the... i've been playing for four hours. we have to scream his name. no, no, no, because then they just go, we gotta bust through, and then he goes, what's that commotion?
42:03 bad news, y'all. yeah, i think we kind of know what's happening here. we could probably skip that one. a ton of people are hell bent on keeping you away from him. all right, how about scream his name? oh, well, this is it. we could have hit the qtes and the other ones too.
42:40 damn, i forgot about that. when you're the emperor, the doors just fucking open for you. they should have lee ji to kick that robot in the chest instead of the pussy ass kicks they were... oh, my damaged company merchandise. oh, awkward.
43:32 bro's name is ling zhao. doesn't that mean little zero? bro, your name is ling zhao. okay, like whatever man. you could have been chong long. you could have been chong long. i will greet him with restrained grievance and play on his emotions.
44:09 men are so easy. oh, on the forehead, where the peony blossom could have been. if the devilish lucy got her way.
44:43 that's true people be like you're manipulating him, um didn't you see that he got to grant a kiss on her forehead. i think he's doing all right intends to name you zao zao yi head of the nine concubines is that good could we do better? i mean? concubines has a certain
45:12 connotation to it but we are the head of the of the concubines double it double it and give it to the next my bad y'all charging the piece i did your heart so it's your home answer could be sat on tip which you don't you want good how to make who means you don't so torture charge cindy pien said be sarah john that are which
45:43 i'm not afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world. i'm afraid of the world.
46:10 you got a slow player. okay, mr beast if he could time travel is just a crazy comment. mr beast if he could time travel. what? what do you mean by that? oh shit.
46:37 i'm not a fan of you. i'm a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you. i'm not a fan of you.
47:11 i think i've said this every time this has happened in a game we've played. i love the kill bill style montage of people that you have to kill.
47:35 setting the stage. yeah, it is like the robot masters from mega man exactly. this is this is the sigma screen we just got to figure out who chill penguin is and then you get chill penguin and i go straight for spark mandrill after that spark mandrill of course allows you to dominate storm eagle then you use the armadillo maybe miss spark mandrill as you get armored armadillo now that i think about it. oh
47:59 and then i think armored armadillo lets you beat the launch octopus and then you gotta you gotta get boomer kawangar after that which kind of sucks but or maybe that's chameleon next i can't remember it's been a long time sorry, were you talking? explored consort zhao's resentment towards empress wang or exploit empress wang's weariness of consort zhao you are we always associate with the person who's second in line because they got the hunger and
48:33 yes, i'm sure you'll be able to see it. i'm sure you'll be able to see it. i'm sure you'll be able to see it. i'm sure you'll be able to see it. i'm sure you'll be able to see it. i'm sure you'll be able to see it. i'm sure you'll be able to see it. oh, consort xiao stands on rivaled backed by the xiao clan of lanling. in her eyes, her gesture was nothing more than the buzzing of an insect. damn!
49:07 she detests being bothered by those beneath her and loathes it all the more when they fail to know their place. this looks like the end for me. nobody else around in the courtyard, huh? oh, yep. a secret order. securing your quick death on that very day somehow.
49:36 consolidated the way that line is so hard. consort shao glanced at your resume, then thoughtfully forwarded it straight to the underworld. holy shit! yeah, yeah, yeah, i'll pass on your resume. pass it on to hell! that's hard. permadeath mode of this would be so good, man.
50:04 oh, her? she's busted an ugly fucking killer.
50:29 imagine. those players themselves. what would the prince of pooh think?
51:07 i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm not the only one who can help you. i'm not the only one who can help you. i'm not the only one who can help you. i'm not the only one who can help you. i'm not the only one who can help you. i'm not the only one who can help you. i'm not the only one who can help you. i'm not the only one who can help you. i'm not the only one who can help you.
51:45 you got a weed in your garden you can't kill? you probably thought you'd like, tear it out and use some weed killer or something, huh? nah, dumbass. plant more weeds. what would dr. house do? overrun your entire garden with weeds to kill the one weed that annoys you.
52:25 talala, all say. she's so subservient, they got her talking with the same diction as furby. the empress calls for you without warning. you choose to... we... i mean, we're a nun. we have to give composed and dignified. otherwise she's gonna chop our head off, i think.
53:08 whoops. nevermind. i heard you knew his majesty before, is that true? yes, it's true. it's true, sir. oh, well, i think that went badly. oh, not the well. not the well. who the hell is this?
53:55 that's like how a the second from the top bad guy in a john wick movie gets introduced. the conniving vizier. it is crowded in the well plus you got that one girl from house in there. you ever seen house? they just... listen long story short she shouldn't have gone out to get water by herself but why are they... they're so rude to her man. mac yeah they're they're crazy they're like
54:28 they're like, oh, it sucks so much that mac died because then we don't get the like fat shamer anymore. they're just constantly like, oh hey mac, still eating, huh? then like she dies and they're like, where's mac? and they're like, she's probably, don't they say something like the farm next door has a potato field. she's probably just getting a snack.
54:55 she literally went out to get everybody water and got killed by like a demon. and they went, she's probably munching on raw potatoes across the street. like they were fucking rude to her, man. just rumors i'm afraid. it's not true, sir. all right.
55:29 i do love the favorability scores that have no impact on your survival at all. the one on the other path where if you make one decision you get minus 99 favorability and you die, and if you choose another one you get minus 9 favorability and die in exactly the same way. look on the bright day and they're getting catty. look on the bright side, the empress withdrew the palace admission but generously compensated you with a deluxe grave at gagné temple.
56:02 statler and waldorf ass. well, that bodes well. oh, i think we gotta go back two decisions. i think we're locked in a dead end path here. unless she hates us too much to kill us. doesn't look like it.
56:39 i'm sorry. i'm not the only one who can't be a hero. i'm not a hero. i'm not a hero. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
57:16 damn, the callback. ling long, the least bad option. the least bad option was.