YOU DON'T CONSIDER THE COUNTERFACTUALS (Slay the Spire 2)

Name: YOU DON'T CONSIDER THE COUNTERFACTUALS (Slay the Spire 2)
Uploaded: 2026-06-02
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "YOU DON'T CONSIDER THE COUNTERFACTUALS (Slay the Spire 2)" (Slay the Spire 2) — 121 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-06-02Slay the Spire 2

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0:00 inspire 2 y'all. just another excuse to talk shit. like anything else these days, man. just another excuse to talk shit. uhhhhh we'll go necrobinder. still have not made it with the necrobinder. we want to... we want to use the hefty tablet. i think we'll want ohhh early sight, man! early scythe is crazy talk. let me see here. things we like to see? things we scythe to see? umm...
0:47 every time we use a what it gains like it gains three permanently increases damage by three. that's awesome, man now we just need to make it so it doesn't exhaust as early as possible and then we're good to go hi youtube, you don't know that this runs making it to youtube yet. we could still fuck this up somehow it's been known to happen man. they all do well some of them don't you'd be surprised man defy is the greatest card in the game
1:29 first two fucked up runs always make it in the video. now that's damn true. give me 53 gold and a hey! it does kind of sound like a, the same, uh, i'm in love with you, you're in love with me and my sweet heart. hey! we should do that next time we see that, next time we see join forces. we gotta do that. i belong to something game. hey! and i'm jumping up a game. i think that's an l track.
1:59 uh, it's in the running for probably in my opinion worst song of the 2010s. yeah, i would i can't disagree with you on that one. i do not like it. uh, give me a grave blast and give me a reeve man. i do not like it. i do think that the worst song of all time is definitely i don't know if it would be the worst song of all time but in the running for worst song of all time is uh
2:31 the cha cha slide. the cha cha slide is truly, absolutely, god awful. there's a reason you only hear it at weddings and like, middle school sporting events. truly, just a a a horror piece of music. nothing to like about it at all. you have no whimsy? no, i just fucking like good stuff, man. instead of stuff that sucks, like the cha cha slide. man, the sight is going fucking crazy. i love grave warden 2. stay on the left path. be smart.
3:20 and then a better block and then bag of marbles bag of marbles with site. and then a turn one site. ciao dd. that's huge man. and then after that we got to find a way to like not take a bunch of damage but gonna put a soul in there we get a defy next turn i'm gonna hit you once for sure. sounds like italian dexter could be worse could be italian deb.
4:03 remember from dexter the tv show, but don't get on done get on done. holy shit, pantograph too. i think hot could go crazy here man. deb was chill. she fucking was the opposite of chill bro. she was permanently pressed. jesus fucking christ dex. she was always saying shit like that. one of these.
4:42 he does seem hard to live with. they didn't fucking live together. he had his own apartment. he had to have his own apartment. he was doing all those murders. so i'll just kill you instead of fucking around. he was a fucking serial killer? yeah, but you're like the thing is you're going she's valid. he's he's an asshole. she was the one who was fucking with him bro. he was always like you're my sister. i don't think we should. she was always like jesus fucking christ dex. any souls in here yet? no.
5:24 prepare for my biden blast then. why are you hitting me with question marks? you clearly did not watch the entire series of dexter. she went fucking crazy in like season six or something like that. she went insane. he also had a dark passenger. that's true. that is true. when did she try to fuck him? it happened, man! look it up! read a book! you don't know anything is the thing and you're pretending that you do.
6:04 there was, thank you, they did in the last season, there was romantic tension between them, then you got all the freaks that are saying, yeah but it turns out they weren't related. still fucking a little frowned upon at a minimum. what do you mean turns out? they had all sorts of twists and turns. we want to create a bunch of souls. where's, where's reeve bro? where's reeve, grave warden, and then some shit we do not care. another grave warden, oh shit. the genius?
6:52 now we can do some fucking damage. one of these. one of these. we need to save vulnerability until the scythe is available. i literally don't care if you hit me. 54 damage, young pup. take that. the more the merrier when it comes to souls. you need to have damage. you need to have souls in every single draw. there's one. there's another one. there's another one coming. oh shit. we can make this, man.
7:52 writers fucked up killing dolks so early? bro, the writers didn't do that. that was dex. that was the bay harbor butcher, man. you seem to be fucking confused. don't kill me! yes, yes, yes, yes. i'm sounding like a herbal essences commercial, but it's got i've got myself feeling pretty good here! zaya, gn. take that. taste my blade. umm... gotta be honest with you, i think we take nothing, man. you're confused it was lila? oh shit, it fucking was lila.
8:41 because oblivion plus souls has something yeah, i forgot lila was kind of i gotta be honest with you i feel like starting with a can we say she ruined everything dexter kind of had his shit under control after he took out the ice cream truck killer, but then season two. yeah, it all went wrong man. he did fly to paris just a murderer he was having kind of like a francis haas sort of moment. i really just love
9:26 like an imbued upgraded grave warden man. he was kind of nice. there's an ice truck killer, not the ice cream truck killer. i seem to recall that whenever he was on the screen it was going like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
10:06 that's not the ice cream truck song. it is in virtual bar for the super nintendo. i have no energy bro. place my blade. you're done, man. you're done. we pass. don't need them. all we need is scythe. where are kate, corey and giga? i didn't take that out of the title. how bad? i said take that out of the title. worst turn for scythe. but wait, we have played haunt. still a really bad turn for scythe.
11:02 feel a really bad turn for everything. just do that, man. play a scythe later. true, they did get got by the ice cream truck killer. i really feel like we can win by just, like, the scythe is great, don't get me wrong. but just grave warden's haunt and souls is, like, enough to get the job done, man. if anything, i was gonna say i'm actually concerned we might lose before, or we might win the fight before i can even play scythe. that's not gonna be the case.
11:45 oops, order, i'll say it so you don't have to. it's kind of popping. this is a great card, don't get me wrong. it's kind of got the same, i'll take it. kind of got the same energy as for me to poop on, you know what i mean? such as, tons of damage, free vonemking. not really, you don't know triumph, the insult comic dog? no, it's from a bygone era, i suppose. they did not put him down, i think he was a puppet.
12:32 don't quote me on that. i'm not 100% sure he was a puppet, but i'm feeling pretty confident that he was a puppet. he's still on the daily show. you think that's the same one? they gave him the avril treatment, man. i think we should just attack. i think i should stop trying to do anything but attacking. no? wrong guy? wrong guy? he hit the wrong guy?
13:19 i'm dead. i'm fucking dead. oh my god! i should have just been attacking and accepting, taking some damage instead of trying to be perfect. i didn't know this guy got so fucking strong, bro. motherfucker. game is pretty hard. discovery, oh my god, it's the two greatest cards in the game, bro. this not exhausting makes it better. and i stand by that. i'm gonna get real greedy here.
14:14 man, what do you mean man? this this not exhausting makes it better it's random cards instead of random cards from a different class or random attacks from a different class man. okay why not? it do none splash is so much better splash doesn't exhaust either yeah, but i don't want my hand filled with like bullshit attacks. i want it filled with shit that i fucking chose man could be skills could be powers could be uh
14:44 also, i don't care because as far as i'm concerned if you disagree with me on anything you're literally just going off a tier list that you watched because you have infinite free time and i don't because i have one child. so counter that. counter that argument. splash you choose two, but it's only attacks!
15:02 mm hmm. joe, i'm beefing with you. i'm beefing with you, joe. i played against you in video games and i've mopped the fucking floor with you, okay? so as soon as you start doing joe saying, splash is much stronger. okay, buddy. literally, i went toe to toe, tete a tete with a fucking rendezvous with you in rumbleverse. so i should know to discount your opinion when it comes to strategy in video games. chowdidi, how do you feel about that?
15:34 that was an action game, not a strategy game. action is just real time strategy, bro. i hate all these cards. i don't want them. they make our deck worse. how much damage do you do? you do eight damage. gonna be oblivion. oh, motherfucker. i'm going to hawaii, so l for you. it's actually l for you because they don't want you there. they don't want you there. so it's l for you. truth nuke. don't you go to hawaii? yeah, they don't want me there either. we're not so different, i'm guessing.
16:48 it's definitely discovery, definitely a free berry. they only want chickens these days. let me tell you bro, i've been to honolulu, they got enough chickens. trust me when i say they got enough chickens. one thing they do not need is more chickens, that's for sure. i have to take something. the thing is, the first card being discovery is like a curse because no other card
17:36 feels as good as discovery. so i'm like, i'm not gonna add that it lowers my chances of drawing discovery don't love this to be honest with you. i don't don't love this um, i can at least ensure that you die and take a whole bunch of damage myself in the meantime you need chickens not enough jockeys. yeah, that's fucking true. that is fucking true save the souls we need discovery
18:25 would you buy the $500 ultrasonic knife? i feel like i'm missing something. $500 ultrasonic knife, is it in counter strike or is it for like cooking? or is it for like, i don't know, i guess it could be for like self defense or something like that. i think i just want the max hp. it cuts stuff without sawing. cuts stuff without sawing. very interesting. i just have a knife for that.
19:15 that cuts without sawing? i mean, i guess i just kind of use my arm. but like, to be fair, you can definitely get like a $500 knife that still like requires you to saw. i know because as with every like fake hobby that i try to get into that my chat tells me to get into, i took a look at like, oh, i should buy like one really nice knife. and then i was like, what the fuck?
19:45 these really nice knives are like $300 each and they don't even like have a leather pommel or anything. and the same people who were telling me to buy a really, really nice japanese knife are like mcdonald's is too expensive these days. it just doesn't make any sense. they're saying some shit like, i can't go back to coach because i flew in first class once and i'm losing my mind. i feel like i'm losing my mind.
20:14 these all actually suck. they kind of fucked me with this one, i'm not gonna lie. but you know what? eradicate is better than any two other cards in our hand. and we can... can we graveblast something that... you know, we can fucking graveblast a fucking discovery, lad. i mean, this really solves a lot of problems. we do have like one turn of taking some damage, but it really solves a lot of problems.
20:59 overpriced japanese knives or tourist bait. bro, this was in my city. the city of angels lonely as, sing it with me if you know the words, lonely as i am. together we cry. i have a theory by the way and i think it's kind of coming true. starting to learn the four tones of mandarin has actually made me a better singer in english because i'm like learning about pitch a little bit.
21:33 i actually think it's making me realize that like there's different pitches in... this is why chinese music sounds so good to me. this is why it always sets me free. this is why angular banjos sound so good to me. upgrade three cards, okay. let's see what you got for me in the colorless potion, man. automation no breathing. don't give a fuck if i... but my arm bleeding. are you screaming? are you screaming?
22:17 what do i want to not take defy back because i want defy to get upgraded demands nonstop discovery and we gain energy. holy shit. definitely don't need to bone shards you grave blast discovery. turn that shit into a wisp unleash on him. that was pen nib. that was still a pretty damn good turn discovery.
22:55 no discovery. could i fucking kill you? i bet i fucking could. ah shit. nah, we still do it, but you gotta remember to play unleashed before you kill oasty, man. okay, what the hell does the deck do? the deck plays discovery as many times as possible. nothing? i mean, sometimes decks that do nothing are like the best deck. how? you never heard of good stuff in magic? check this out.
23:40 that's right, i actually paid attention to pen nib. it's true. you discovery, play a free reap. ooh, grave blast on him. bring back discovery, play it again. we don't have that many souls in our... we don't have any souls in our motherfucker. this will just make you lose eight strength. i knew good girls like magic guys. but like, it's funnier if you imagine that it's a yu gi oh player saying it.
24:18 i think it's a little funnier if you imagine it's a yu gi oh player. lethality is like, it's kinda close, but i'm not sold on it yet. she reaches out, and feebling touch and she reaches in, lights up oreo. definitely this. into that. into a potion. genesis reference? yep. yep. something over phil collins' head myself. guy who knows like three phil collins songs.
25:11 apply 29 doom. this just has to kill you. yeah, okay. that's pretty solid. how about an attack that actually like does damage? that seems like a nice thing to add. i'm going to rest. you got to be 70% sillier in the absence of chiblee. wait, what the hell happened to my chiblee, bro? chiblee is still, he's alive. he's just in texas. or is he gone for two weeks now? because i know he was talking about, he said, what's your opinion on having a two week absence while streaming?
25:53 check the news. oh shit. is there flooding down in texas? all the telephone lines are down or some shit? stevie ray vaughan reference. you know how we do it, man. you know how we do it. i have to be able to kill you, but for now i'll add another defy, i suppose. damn, i'm doing no damage to you. would you let chiblee crash at your house? unironically, absolutely.
26:35 absolutely, i would let chiblee crash in my house. i also feel like i just get the vibe from chiblee that he would be a respectful houseguest. i don't think he'd be leaving shit all fucked up. yeti? no. and that's honestly, don't take this the wrong way. anybody who's not yeti, but yeti is 19 years old.
27:10 i am not letting a 19 year old stay at my house. they're gonna fuck it up. it's like they're a child essentially. they're not... they don't know... i'm not saying no 19 year olds are like taking good care of their living spaces, but on average, you know, you're dealing with people who are, you know, their moms are still like doing their dishes for them and stuff like that. i know because i've been there. i'm fucking dead by the way.
27:41 maybe you guys are right. maybe, uh, maybe splash clears. maybe splash was the way. you guys know me. i'm a stone humidifier respector. now have i won a run a single time with stone humidifier? no, but that can't last forever. i'm a very simple man. i think it has to be as good as the other options simply because the devs have the data, man.
28:34 the devs have the data. they would balance it better if it was not fucked up or if it was fucked up, i should say. my five is crazy. fuck it. trust the process. anyone heading to oak ridge after work? that's not old school ass message, man. not, i mean, it's new school because the mall just opened, but it's pretty like old school to be like, hey guys, you want to go to the mall that just opened? i haven't been to oak ridge. i'm sure i will at some point.
29:22 i'm going to oak ridge after work, it opened today. damn, i guess you guys should meet up. this is crazy. you guys should meet up. you're both going to, yeah, and i'll meet up at oak ridge tonight. imagine though, went on a date at the mall, it was pretty sweet. i mean, honestly, i'm a big fan of the mall in general. but i am also from one of the mall generations. i feel like late boomers through to like,
30:03 late millennials have a lot of nostalgia for shopping malls. and i count myself as among that generation. i always enjoy going to the shopping mall, wait. i'm in love with you, you're in love with me and my sweet heart. i'm in love with you, you're in love with me and my sweet. that was, we even gave it that fucking pause. did you see how we gave it that pause? that was kinda awesome. fuck lethality, we don't need it, man.
30:45 we need the block. see the way i threw it out there. literally could have killed you if i didn't play a defense. this is why you do the math. overhated song? nah, man. probably like literally, in my opinion, underhated song. i believe that it's an underhated song personally, but fuck it, bro. let's just take every two cost card that has aoe. what's that song called? can someone help me? all i know is that in the parentheses after the song name, it says pay ho.
31:38 and i'm not even trying to be like an asshole. i literally don't know what it's called. i just know that it has hey ho oh, it's ho hey, my bad. i apologize. apparently it's ho hey. honestly, i want to kill you this turn because the real evil, especially because we're reshuffling on the next one, the real evil is having way too many infections in the deck. we have damage, but we don't have any way to get past the infections. now the flip side of this,
32:18 is that they were supposed to give me like one of my aoe cards, but it's all right. we'll get it on the next turn. i think that obviously this basically kills you, but this kills one of you. and i believe we take less damage on the fight overall as a result because we'll just kill you both next turn. kind of an ideal situation for us there. dude, vulnerability would be really nice. acapeco, acapeco aoe.
33:02 and then hella campfires cuz every time we rest, shit's getting mad humid in here. another aoe enemy? wait. you're done. you're done, pal. you'll never work in this town again. you need one of these, of course. why do you even like acabeco? my ideal deck is basically like 12 dramatic entrances, if that answers your question. i literally don't think we need bodyguard. i think you can cut it.
33:49 let's squash the beef. wait, who do you think is better, kendrick or drake? this is a serious motherfucking question. i thought he meant me. i was talking to you, joe. who do you think won the beef, kendrick or drake? and don't lie to me, walt. greatest sneko potion of all time, by the way. toss me a wisp. anna kendrick over drake bell. for a second, i was like, i don't know who either of them are. and then i realized i know who anna kendrick is.
34:38 i think we want lethality from drake and josh. i'm not even just trying to be a dickhead, but it literally does not help me. we can only play two attacks. let's play. i played two defense. but hey, we took no damage. i guess it could be worse. we just want to deal damage to you. we don't need to make you vulnerable. we just need to hit you. that's fine. we have attacks in the deck. we want to play two attacks. i can do this.
35:33 they got mason ramsey on rico charges. i'm still reeling from how i thought he was launching a podcast on his youtube channel. and then it turns out that, well, like, a, he's not. and b, the person who uploaded the yodeling video was not even him. i was wondering why they think that anybody fucking gives a fuck about whether they're starting a podcast as like the guy who
36:05 took the video of the yodel kid. i don't even know if he took the video in the walmart. like, i think he might have freebooted the video in the first place. it just seems, it seems insane to me. you wouldn't fucking kill me. not, not seven runs in a row. no shot, bro. i ain't the one. holy shit, we fucking made it to act 2. why are you still live? i started late today!
36:58 i'm not a hang believer to be honest with you unless we had like a it is great scaling on the boss i guess wait with lethality, i guess hang would go insane the main shower handled the only thing how are we gonna play it man? how are we gonna be able to play it upgrade it then i can't use my humidifier it would be nice wait for energy first turn. oh
37:49 all strikes in your deck did tez kataras ember? one person in my discord said this is actually op. and as a result, i think i might just take it forever. it's op in beta branch, not in main. what does it do in beta branch? it's op but not for you. it gives plus three attack as well. man. i don't really mind adding a soot into the draw pile, but every time we shuffle, no.
38:38 i think i gotta take the soup, man. i think the soup is the best thing. toy box is good. i'm gonna lose my relics though. or is this kahneman esque loss a versive thinking? i think i'd fuck it. i'm going with my first instinct. we're taking soup. as always, every single time i make it to act 2, i'm like, wait, i have no block. that zero block feeling. this, this, this. uh, hate to do it.
39:42 i think another wisp actually is huge and it retains as well. that's crazy tech. good fortunes, zhen el. thank you, blue. thank you. thank you for the good fortunes. let's spend five hp. got a good feeling about this one. shockwave's a great card. elite with two strength, rest. we need the energy. i know we need defense, but we don't need to cut attacks. we need to cut defense and then get better.
40:29 oh shit, that's with acabeco no less and get better defense. brother, you fucking fucked me, you motherfucker. okay, and we rest all the time. alex, i started late today. there was a thing at luna's school that threw a little bit of a monkey wrench into the day. so i started late today, it's true. your eyes do not deceive you. i'm still alive and will be for at least another, well, at most another 50 minutes or so.
41:06 it's true, it's true, you know. how about some good, how about grave warden? i mean, dredge is too good to pass up. at the start of each combat, add a random card in your hand, it's free to play this turn? holy shit, bro. and then we get the cheaper domain, which we've literally never played a single time, but holy cow. obviously, we're gonna play that shit now. and reap is free. that's a crazy card to get for free, man. good lord.
41:52 we're gonna play wisp, that's gonna take us to 6 energy. we're gonna play this. that's gonna do a bunch of damage. we're gonna be on 4 energy. i think you'd rather just take a volley and then do this. let's extend the volm for one turn and then beat the you know what out of you. i'm not even gonna weaken you because i don't think you're gonna be alive long enough for it to matter bro. yeah, how do you feel about that?
42:40 surely dredging up reap and a bunch of zero cost attacks kill you holy cow that was good upgraded fear we still have no defense at all upgraded shockwave. oh shit, and we're a le coded yay about an aoe from the attack potion wow wow um that's pretty good. no defense really i
43:35 one of these, one of these, one of these and that doesn't really do much for us. dense kind of blocks. i guess i do have some two cost cards. honestly, we don't need domain here, man. watch this. now we don't have to deal with the little fellas who are annoying and we're going to rest anyway because we have the humidifier. we still have no block by the way. still have no block.
44:25 i guess we don't need block against this. i do have a lot of hp, that's true. i guess i'm giving myself five extra block per combat every time i rest at a campsite. yeah. oh, well, geek. i would like to take six damage at the end of my turn for now. and then we don't have to weaken you yet because we're going to... oh my god, you're going to be weak as fuck, bro. motherfucker, i did the math wrong.
45:25 we don't play dredge. dredge retains my lord. stay vulnerable. we need to get debilitate back out there though. wait, crazy turn? we can make it bro. debilitate, huge play. then be weakened. you're doing 10 damage which might as well be zero. your vulnus, fuck. i think i'd rather just do it this way. we would prefer not to die.
46:24 you need, yeah, you need more weakness. i could settle for that. take 13 damage at the end of your turn. nah, i don't think i will. i don't think i will. i think it has to be a misery angle. power from your draw pile goes into your hand, free to play. literally must be the jeweled mask. and if it hits domain, we pog up like it's east west college, bull time. that simple. and then campfire riches. we don't have pant, we have so much max hp though.
47:19 we're gonna need a solution for defense though. i don't have one. don't you just have the one power? i got a lethality too. even lethality is pretty good. certainly wouldn't be disappointed to see it. a lot of damage, man. for a guy with zero ability to block. i'm guessing that dredge probably doesn't get a kill. we wait on it then. upgrade him.
48:05 take a shitload of damage. it really is like a shitload of fuck, man. this... this tangled... web we weave. um... now, dredge up two of these bad boys. and also something we can't play. 15 damage, okay. it's a deckload of fun! i do i have to see abgn's opinions on slay the spire 2, man. it's like a deckload of fun! who made this game? chris cards?
48:41 red funds is also good, but i feel like chris cards just has a certain. you're gonna say qua domain is right, you know? you guys are annoying as fuck too, man. how about a shockwave? a death march costs zero. misery doesn't kill you, which is nutty. but dredge misery does kill you and then you do have like 18 stacks of vulnerable.
49:30 the lead engineer is literally called jake card. no way, man. no way. seriously? are you being dead ass with me? i don't think i've ever seen this event. two fewer cards at the start of each combat raise your max hp by 20? that's really bad. that's really bad. but fuck it, we do it anyway. give me the big mushroom. little spooky, i'm not gonna lie. little spooky. man, you're right. he is big now. i didn't even notice.
50:28 it's much larger, an even larger man, so to speak. one cost attack, came for free with your fucking deck. actually, i guess i have a bunch of zero cost attacks in my deck now that i think about it, but still. dude, i'm kinda loving the dredge on the zero cost strikes technology. i'm kinda hating not being able to put up any block at all, but not that bad. this is why you have max hp. more debilitate will also go crazy.
51:11 add the k, chant a card that exhausts with soul's power. i mean, on a shockwave, but we kinda, you're so real on a dredge. dredge makes the most sense by far. and then we rest, and then we go here. what do you got for me? if you end your, we're never gonna end our turn with no cards in hand. it's simply not gonna happen. we're never gonna end our turn with no block probably. do we have anything we love here? entropy is interesting.
52:01 i feel like this is mega cooked but am i dumb? no, i feel like you're right to be honest. page storm? how many ethereals do i have? i just don't have that many ethereal cards man. oh, but it doesn't do damage but it draws. but it also makes me less likely to get domain on first turn which i really like. i don't know. i'm not sold on this to be honest but like just cutting a curse is not good enough right now and we probably will not get another shop.
52:54 fuck it bro. we ball. all your strikes are ethereal. i'm not even mad at you. it's a common misconception with the soup. they're actually eternal. i've made the mistake myself many times. so let he among us who is without sin throw the first stone. i've done it myself. might as well bro. might as well. even our turn ones despite having fewer cards are not going that bad. i always think of every time i think of where's the love? it's now permanently intertwined in my head with
53:47 people, people live in people dying. lois, peter, meg and brian. i just can't get it out. i legitimately think about it every day. well, okay, let's not go crazy. that's, that sounds like kind of a curse to be honest with you, but... pribilichory, justin ryan. no one else, no one else can feel the words on your lips. no one else can feel it for you. the dead lad.
54:43 i think honestly, we weaken enough, we should take a swift potion. dude, sleight of flesh could be the damage dealer we fucking need. that could actually change everything for us. yeah, i mean there are no other enemies but you get the idea. get dredged on, we have one energy left. we probably want to, no, we probably don't wanna fucking, we want this because we don't want to block.
55:30 we want to beat the shit out of you as fast as possible. we never want to block because we have orichalcum, bro. you never want to block. you're fucking dead, dude! what's kind of looking like a kid's choice award deck? another dance, macabre.
56:00 how you feeling against test subject? i don't know if anybody else is smoking the same kind of shit that i'm smoking. i try not to worry about the boss until he's right in front of me, which probably explains a lot about my win rate. in my head, i obviously know that we are going to play against the test subject, but i have also, and it seems like it shouldn't be possible, but just bear with me,
56:36 i've put myself in like a headspace where i don't know what that boss does, even though i do know what it does. i'm choosing not to allocate mental resources to understanding and processing what fighting this boss actually means for us. and i think as grogu says, i think this is the way, man. at the very least, we should be proud of ourselves. we made it to the a10 boss, the first a10 boss.
57:20 we have lots of energy. let's use our potion. this guy's a piece of shit. we all know that, obviously. we all understand the problems with what we're doing here, but it has to be played. this does not have to be played. we could play that on a future turn. this has to be played. fuck it. kill him fast. this is not the a9 boss. i understand why you're saying that. you're saying that because it only becomes a10.
57:59 in your head, once you kill this boss, no bro. we made decisions throughout this fucking run that we would not have made.
58:06 on a9. we buffed up our max hp like crazy because we knew there was going to be a second boss. so there's a fucking knock on effect from every single decision we've made on this run. we've been on a10 the whole time. sometimes you lose against the first boss and people go, oh, that wasn't even an a9 victory. we weren't on a9! i was going for an a10 victory! there's a slightly different suite of decisions that you have to make as a result of the changing parameters!
58:33 but they don't they don't fucking get it, because they're addicted to this like fucking reductive mindset. they don't even understand. peter, louis, stewie, brian. no one answers, no one answers. not so bad. no weakness, kind of devastating here. you're devastating here. uh, as much as i know and you know what? i actually do need you to be vulnerable, i've decided. and we'll also make that vulnerable you know what? fucking get in there, lad.
59:26 wait, that's pretty good. people live in people dying. late afternoon, northernlion. wait, wait. that was a perfect speed potion moment by the way. but now we, i mean, we still have a speed potion now. what the fuck? what are we bringing back, bro? nothing. we're retaining on this shit. oh! ah, it's okay. dog, the motherfucker himself. i don't think i have any other means of generating weakness.
1:00:14 wait, i have exactly one mean of generating weakness, bro. it's called death bringer. you need the billetate. there's no debilitate. am i stupid? there's no debilitate. debilitate was in our draw pile. 45 damage. all right, it's simple. first off, you put another soul into the draw pile. now you draw the motherfucker that gives you weakness. soul, soul, the motherfucker that gives weakness.
1:01:08 the motherfucker that gives weakness. we are heaving in serious problem. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps we're heaving in serious problem. but we need, we need this shit right here. that's a given. you're doing 21 damage, which is nothing because i can just, just block.
1:01:53 and we take very little. next turn we have a debilitate. so next turn sucks, so save the dredge. that saved a dredge like me, man. we definitely want to play debilitate. for some reason i didn't think you would be doing 48 damage anymore. but that's okay because we're gonna dredge back deathbringer. and we're not going to die unless, no wounds don't do damage, we're not going to die. and then this turn, this turn we're gonna,
1:02:42 what applies first? the burn applies before orichalcum, i think. as much as i hate to acknowledge that, i'm pretty sure you have oste anyway. yeah, but the burn hits you first, man. sorry, i don't know why i read that. i basically set you up for like there's a character assassination moment. i knew that that's not how it worked and i read it out anyway.
1:03:16 devastating, devastating. but a good run nonetheless. and you know what? i think we got exactly enough time to run one back as soon as is fucking possible. and as fast as is fucking possible. 150 gold. 150 gold, shitload of question marks. a shitload of fuck. i can't believe the game is actually made by jake cards, man. i like niao's talisman, is that a weird thing to say? one of the things that's crazy
1:04:07 is that the better you get at slay the spire, the more love you have for the relics that seem like they suck ass. the stuff you would never have taken when you were on ascension iii, you start to be like, wait a minute, is this actually good? i really like reav. my dream deck is just a bunch of reavs, a bunch of grave wardens, and then two haunts, and then just playing 15 souls per turn.
1:04:49 that could ruin his life. or soul storm, yeah. a little harder to get though. i'm home. it could be worse. 7 max hp. when she says we can't get stone humidifier because we have stone humidifier at home. the stone humidifier at home. hot. damn, and we take no damage. and we ruin your life. i think another reeve. what is a reeve anyway? when chad doesn't talk for three seconds. wait, wait, we're gonna get him back.
1:05:56 streamers when chat doesn't talk for three seconds. what's your favorite gun to your head? what's the first fruit you pick up in the produce section of the grocery store? i belong with you, you belong with me, my sweetheart. definitely random cards. it's definitely grave warden reeve. holy fuck, the dream is actually coming true. why is someone aiming a gun at my head in the grocery store? you want me to make the obvious joke or is that beneath me?
1:06:37 i'm gonna say that's beneath me. i'm gonna say we don't need to stoop to that level. we are not american. statistically not true. based on my own analytics, statistically not true. many of you, many of you are american. now, i don't know. i simply don't know.
1:07:20 and i also don't know how to say i don't know in mandarin which i think i should work on because that seems like something that is really relevant. let's do a show whatever it's pissing me off that so many of you know mandarin i'm supposed to be the only guy who knows mandarin and don't say some shit like i'm chinese i'm supposed to be the only guy okay. i'm supposed to be the only guy who knows it and
1:08:01 supposed to be the only guy learning it. you guys must have missed a memo. well, let's see who will play that. okay, xiaodidi. motherfucker, man! that's true, maybe... didn't really think about the fact. maybe at this time of day, we have a more predominantly chinese audience. so, this is freaking hot, bro! it could be, i don't know, 3.45? 3.45 pm pacific time? what time is it in all of china right now?
1:08:50 it's 6.45 am in china? yeah, i knew it. peak viewing hours. it's an honest question. i swear to you, i'm not trying to say anything or mean anything by this. wait, it's so fucked up that this doesn't kill you, whatever. it doesn't at least knock you out here. they got twitch in china? i actually love this for next time. or is it banned?
1:09:27 no? no? nope. nope. nope. okay, well... it turns out it was not a stupid question at all. or if it was stupid, it was stupid for like the other reason. it was a stupid ass question because people were like, duh, obviously. they're going, dway? and i'm like, didn't know, man. sorry, i didn't fucking know. i think i'd rather not take any damage. but truth be told, i think i actually like
1:10:06 we take five but getting the econ, it's good for us to get ahead of them a little bit because of like all the curses they add to our deck that piss me off nonstop. i think, and that was a good fight man. i don't think unceasing top is gonna be too relevant for us but it's a thought that counts. what about a veil piercer? i forgot that could be chinese zz top man. how, how, how, how? could be man.
1:10:54 i'm picturing a bunch of old chinese guys with like really long beards. hao, hao, hao, hao. it is the wrong tone. hao, hao, hao. i can't do it. i can't do it that fast. if you say three haos in a row, do you still have to adhere to tone sondhi? does it become hao, hao, hao? nobody's ever done it before. they need a chinese matthew mcconaughey and then they'll need it.
1:11:34 i have to go so much faster too, this is crazy. how do you know they don't have one already? oh shit. spinny boy, good to see you by the way. i've never seen you and yeti in the same room at the same time. wait, that's literally the opposite of what i'm trying to say. i've never seen you without yeti. so i'm happy to see you're still in here chilling.
1:12:13 yeti hasn't been here today. probably found another home because we weren't live for like the first three hours when we normally are. don't call him yeti's minion. that's actually so fucked up. that's insane. didn't yeti get banned? there's a whole, you wish is what i'm trying to say. there's a whole thing going on there. have you got the time? what is he talking? nobody knows what the fuck he's talking about, right? it's not just me?
1:13:03 what was that? that's zz top, man, in the howl howl song. right before he goes, a ticket to ticket to get to bring. why have you fought this guy so many times in a row? randomness is probably clumped in a matter of speaking. the random randomness clumps. sherman, what is this game play? i'm literally owning him. i'm literally owning him. are you not seeing this?
1:13:50 i need one of those. honestly, i think i'd rather have a soul in the soul pile. and then that's freaking free. we have no soul. we had one extra energy though. that's good to know. dude, swag killed? how do you get a swag killed? kill him with a soul. i'm just minding my own business and if you happen to die, i can't be held responsible for that. take me where the banshees cry. i mean,
1:14:36 we could play some ethereal cards, but seance is what we're built for, man. and then tezcatara's nutritious soup in energy at the start of every turn. we have 519 gold. holy shit, man. i still like this soup. we have so many, like we're basically recreating hellraiser on the necrobinder. trust the process.
1:15:26 is this your last a10? it is indeed. oh my god i forgot we have freaking unceasing top as well bro. which is also very close to a how how how how. it's extremely close to a how how how how. wait this is actually incredible. certainly don't give a fuck. i mean gambling chip is oh strikes and defense gain. something can't be eternal and ethereal.
1:16:10 we could remove all, am i crazy to feel like this could be infinite if we let all of our defense exhaust, but play all of our strikes? like obviously this is really good, don't get me wrong. i like it man. severance can also, severance is kind of key here. do me a favor, cut a bodyguard. i know this is gonna get crazy. this is going to get fucking insane. guess what bro? you're free for the rest of the combat. don't spend it all in one place.
1:17:06 we have haunts, that's good, that's good, that's a good thing. yes, okay, who am i talking to? wait, our defense become fucking free too. thanks for the energy, even if it weren't so good. you taste like him only sweeter. don't need anymore. the chatters went quiet. no, i was just talking about my special interests, fallout boy.
1:17:37 what do we want on the top of our fucking deck? i think we literally always want, well i mean a grave warden too, but it's a seance is kind of what we're building towards. me as fuck. am i more than you bargained for yet? oh, we might as well man. and don't play that, let it exhaust. and then just take a shitload of damage just for fun. wait, saved? hm. bogged i'm afraid.
1:18:29 vulnerable, mog yet again. extra energy, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. i think you're in a lot of trouble, buddy. don't even want the grave blast. if you exhaust a sender's bane, the whole combo gets off a lot faster. these fuckers are gone. this shit is fucking awesome, man. the deck is, we should have probably let that one exhaust, but you saw where i was going with that. yeah, yeah, and we have a hunt.
1:19:15 i had a soul to the draw pile. a soul? another soul? how about some souls? how about some souls for you? i hit you? how about some souls? couple of souls for you? lad, couple of souls? real quick. yeah, i don't ever want to spend any money ever again. any energy, i guess i should say. how about that? another soul? a soul for a soul? okay. how about a soul? i feel like the dodgers, bro. i'm hidden through my whole lineup.
1:19:59 i didn't think so. wow, bag of prep? seems pretty fucking good, man. no, no! actually, an exterminate might go crazy, who knows? maybe our turn one actually is worse with more cards. maybe not. you're fucked when you run into hourglass? is that a beta branch enemy? we don't acknowledge the beta branch enemies here as being real.
1:20:50 yeah? you got nothing to worry about then. that's so true! the only hourglass i know about is mercury. i think i never want to see that again. it feels like there's no world in which you should be able to hit me for any amount of damage after the shit that i just fucking give you. no swag kill, that's okay. still pretty good. another grave warden, please. now here's where we get a little spicy. let's see, man. always love to see haunt early.
1:21:44 no haunt kinda pissing me off. honestly, i want these to exhaust from my deck. i know it seems crazy. should have played that earlier. you got the exact deck you described as your ideal? i literally forgot what i described. i did describe a bunch of grave wardens, reeves and then just a few, one or two haunts. you're not wrong. a soul, a droll niles. we didn't even have our haunt out there yet.
1:22:26 oh my god, he's losing hp directly. that could be awesome. i don't think i can kill you though, so i think i need to put up a little bit of block. sad to say. this is the ultimate combo. when you get to put souls in your draw pile and then your draw pile is only souls, and then you draw a soul off of a soul. too many severance, no thanks. that's the kind of problem apple tv would fucking kill to have, by the way. they would kill to have that problem. am i right or am i wrong?
1:23:21 now give me haunt next turn. this guy fucks you? no bro, because we do damage directly with our fucking souls! we do damage directly with our souls, we just need to draw haunt. motherfucker. motherfucker. where's my fucking haunt, man? there it is. turn a soul into a soul. seems like pagestorm could do some work for us. did we die to this fellow? i don't think so. i don't think so. what is this fucked up turn?
1:24:16 just don't transform the frantic. got it. only transform the expensive ones. yeah, okay, i understand now. that shit. hey, soul sister. ain't that mr. mr. on the radio? that something something that bumpa dum. still doing a ton of damage. okay, huge. that gives you a soul, something like that. soul into soul. soul into soul. into this, into soul.
1:24:54 the strike in the more souls. yeah, in the more souls i think. don't kill me. don't kill me. i want to live more, more souls please. no, that's okay. 24 damage. we obviously live better than we've ever lived before. and we thank you barely and add more souls. we're definitely gonna make it to the third act, right?
1:26:02 in one of these, one of these, and then a few souls, man. easiest game of my life. easiest game of my life. now i'm pretty sure we want nothing. give me a second, i'm sure i got a texture in my mom. no, probably not. we take, i mean, misery at least you don't mind drawing it, i guess, because it just, you play it for zero. it doesn't really, we don't really have debuffs to spread, but
1:26:45 it doesn't do much, but it isn't bad. you're right, going to 25 cards is negative aura. six cards become mull. and we do draw a lot, don't get me wrong. cooking, okay, wait, wait, wait. i certainly feel like with cooking, couldn't we get a deck that is infinite as fuck? we have to try. a hunt, seance transforms into sender's bane, and then we get a hunt.
1:27:31 no haunt? you're fucking trolling me, bud. where does the energy come from? all we want to do is play souls. and take your money, highway skulls and stones, sticks and stones and weed and bongs. no one on the corner got swagger like us. hit me on my belly prepaid wireless. already going hard just pumping that ass. no one on the corner got belly like us. chinatown jake, don't sweat it.
1:28:20 only singing woded songs today? i mean, i'm not fucking with, uh... i was gonna call her iftb. i'm not fucking with, like, mia's epidemiological opinions, but... paper planes is a good song. it's an older song, but it checks out. exactly. one of these. more souls, please. one of those. um... our next ethereal card is free. that's big news for us. what'd you watch today on the bike?
1:29:06 50 minutes mandarin chinese lesson 35 minutes late aspire. you already know the vibe that i'm exhausted no, we got energy though. we got energy. let him let him fly. it was probably worth it man oh, then i gotta wait till hot comes around huge motherfucking ascenders fucking bane decks never want to see it and stands you
1:30:00 literally don't want to play the souls yet. we want haunt first. don't kill me. don't kill me. draw haunt. draw haunt. draw haunt. draw haunt. motherfucker. haunt? now you're fucked. i got my strength back. there it is. and now you're all gonna pay. i mean, that's like, that's on site. now you're all gonna pay. because that, you fucking fucked me before. get ready to eat shit. more? more? there's one soul. that's all we need.
1:31:00 that's all we fucking need. one of these, one of these. guys, that was less than we fucking needed. no! it seems unbelievable. it seems unbelievable and yet here we are. i don't know, i guess i'm gonna raid my wife now that we're at the end of the stream here.