This can't be happening (Counter-Strike 2)

Name: This can't be happening (Counter-Strike 2)
Uploaded: 2026-05-06
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "This can't be happening (Counter-Strike 2)" (Counter-Strike 2) — 69 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-05-06Counter-Strike 2

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69 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 since i did the sub a thon. huge. like two days ago and then last two nights ago i just could not sleep. i think like my body was just like what the fuck just happened. it literally thought you like outran a saber toothed tiger or something. yeah yeah i was like i could not could not sleep. also at some point during the sub a thon my neck exploded. bad? and like yeah like it still hurts like down i think i like pinched a nerve. oh no. down my left arm
0:32 it sucks. there's like this weird like, i don't know how it's like, it's like every like when you get like a dead arm, you get that like numb, like feeling down your like, that's like the guy got that right now. your left arm, right? my left. that's fine. as long as your mouse hand is okay. yeah. it's not degenerative. it's just like for a few days i was like, oh, i couldn't, i can't like.
1:00 like sitting hurts. dude, i was putting on my seatbelt, bursitis in my right elbow felt so bad. i literally accepted it. so did i. it told me that zero people out of ten accepted it. so chat, tell me which one of the known bugs this is and how to fix it. i'd say a match was found for you but rashomon ending explained failed to accept it. is this a remake the party, re queue or reload the game bug? now you get shitter queue. okay.
1:34 i mean, millions of people play this. millions of people play this game. yeah, and it's been out for how long? and like what, a few months ago they're like, we're gonna change the way reloading works. it's so crazy. i have a two minute matchmaking ban. okay, we'll just give it a second here. good old cs. did the game we're playing actually come out yet? gamble together? yeah, not out yet. corey, i got a billion dollar idea. what's up?
2:23 pill that stops your facial hair from growing after two days of growth. i would yeah literally, i would i would take one of those a day. yeah easily could be the greatest invention of all time i gotta be real with you. yeah, it's a great idea. i don't think i'm taking that pill you wouldn't take that you'd rather just keep shaving. i'm just the kind of guy i'm scared to take a pill to solve an issue like that just because i just don't they ban it regardless of the science i'm like scared that like
2:55 they'd be like, oh yeah, it turns out if you take this pill for 20 years, your balls fall off or like, you know, your knees become jelly. i see what you're saying. i rebel against the heuristic that like every type of medicine is like a time bomb waiting to explode. i also offer the corollary that i think that like foods are like that. like i also think, i mean, i ate salami for like 20 years and then oncologists were like, oh, by the way, it's like guaranteed colon cancer. i was like, oh, motherfucker.
3:24 i started eating it again. i get it now and then. i just mean, i mean for like taking a pill for like a like an oddly specific thing. if it's not like life or death, you're being overpass. that's it. i'll play anything else. that's fine. i remember like my my buddy started taking well he wasn't even like losing his hair which pissed me off and he started taking. what was that? what was the the pill for hair loss back in the propecia?
4:09 propecia yeah, yeah, yeah, and uh, i was like you've like a beautiful head of hair he still has a beautiful head of hair by the way this motherfucker and then he's like, i don't know a few months in he's like i had to stop taking it cuz it was like fucking with my dick. that's when you start taking viagra. yeah, viagra. yeah, exactly. it's a
4:34 piece of shit sitting in a car with a dude struggling with baldness. the bald shit is so funny. like they literally invented like a male pattern baldness cure but it only works on people who aren't bald. like that's fucking funny. don't shoot, don't shoot, don't shoot. i'm literally, i'm in your spawn bro. don't shoot. these guys are, these guys are sweats man.
4:56 i don't know, this guy has missed four off shots on me at point blank. he's not very good. oh damn, bro that's batuu from ghost in the shell! benjamin dabbington. his name is benjamin dabbington? that's actually awesome. who's gonna bomb us? we're going a. yes sir, we go... who are you? you're, i guess you're corey. yeah, let's, yeah. i'm gonna flash them out. oh okay. blue ain't moving. yeah, blue started moving.
5:32 no one's going that way it turns out. making noise? they killed me in one millisecond? uh yep. turns out i didn't run into any of the good players in practice. bro i was top fragging. i was, i mean we lost but i was top fragging. okay that's insane. that's awesome. the fuck was that sound, chad? have you had the bug yet where you lose all audio in the game?
6:17 no, no. it happened to me like three times on wednesday. you literally just go deaf. that's pretty fucked up. okay, he's going okay. all right. okay. very interesting start. benjamin dabbington. follow goal fulfill. watch out brother. watch out. they're going to throw you till as soon as you show. ready? watch this show bait. you till runaway. not just playing. we take these check pit. that's why we trade on those. we trade on those. i did not trade on those.
6:59 damn mag seven, huh? i love that. oh damn. yeah reload. let's do this purple how many bullets did he have left the track to try 93 and 2 93 and 2 is nuts on his shoulder damn love car under strike i'm top fraggin so i'm not sweating it. what are we playing here guys? hey case now, i don't think so. we get in 99 on the galil this round galil the boot rose
7:48 we were not 15k today the whole squad long. let's do this benjamin anyone got smoke cross. oh my god. oh a cat cat literally, i shot him once i shot him in the head. he literally went back. whatever got mine we win this round we win this round and this is the start of the the renaissance purple you're evil. oh, he's got a bomb. i don't know. oh
8:50 you know what, he might manage to make it back in plan. i just don't know why he had numbers on the site, man. yeah. hell of a knife though. and it's got like the blue tint on the serrated edge. damn, that's kind of awesome. oh, you saw, yeah, yeah, yeah. but you get a chance and then run back to a and plan. okay, don't. yeah, what do you?
9:35 i don't even think he planted it for where he was going. well, i'm not gonna damn him for that because that's how i play too, but he could have at least like, i don't know, like had his gun out at any time. what do i know though? i just, i'm just the leader on the team. yeah, look at us. look at, dude, look at us. look at my sweet ak. did you say let's give him hell? yes, it does. i have bomb. hey, did you tell them
10:18 they did you tell long? oh, we didn't we didn't smoke. yeah, that's not good. i see. yeah, i know i but a dude through a smoke so i thought all they came along mocks struck fear in his heart before he made it through i'm going long ooh long flank. okay. well, he did to me what i did to the other guy so i can't was that long. oh, you're still alive. no, no, no. all right. yeah, he was long boys. thanks for the assist yeah
11:07 kill the opera man. we need that opera dead. yeah. oh no. yes. i need him bouncing on it. huge. we grabbed the op. damn. damn. i think he's any good with it. you should drop it for me. i've been crazy with the op today. i'm bloke. corey, you should try the op. i know like it, it, it has negative aura, but it's actually incredible.
11:37 i hate it. if you shoot them anywhere, they die. no more. how did i do 62 in three? you hit them, they're erased. what is one person somewhere? he's coming out long doors, corey, careful. literally, yeah, it's literally the same thing as last time. i don't know what he's thinking, man. okay, purple has bomb and he's going b. i just made a bunch of noise just to make noise, not because i've made a mistake.
12:19 why did he plant without... they're defusing. i mean, what are you doing, man? why are you solo planting the fucking... oh fuck, oh fuck. what? i didn't kill the guy on the exit and i thought he was gonna kill me. i'm literally like most damage in the lobby though so i'm not sweating it too much. come on, bro. i wish i knew. i can't remember how to smoke mid.
13:04 what the hell was that bro? we are long i don't think we put it away we have to trade we have to trade team kill so you have to kill purple at the start of next round i'll get him the round after that. oh, he killed you. no, no he just he threw a grenade off a dead angle and hit like four people on our team great it's great tap fire king great spray you get him on the next round. i'll get him i'll get him in the round after that we can keep trading for like three rounds who is it purple?
13:45 yeah, but don't actually kill him. i'm just trolling. i know, i know. on the other hand. yeah. i have to like learn how to bait the awp. also, this is the first game i played in like two weeks. really? yeah. oh, they have two awps? boy, we have to become the awpers, man. i hate it. like why can i see the stock of the gun? this shit is shot like evan peters as
14:33 who's the name of the x men that runs really fast? quicksilver? why is this shit is shot like evan peters as quicksilver, bro. i see what you're talking about. or like, you know what i'm, yeah, you get it, you get it. i'm gonna get it's so fast. i'm gonna get one mid with my op and then i'm gonna get two long and then we're gonna plant b and they're gonna defuse. one cost. okay, there's one. okay, prophecy fulfilled. where did that guy die? the one i killed. not a horrible smoke. two down.
15:31 no shotties pit. bro, we have a. we own this site. i'm watching cat. huge, i'll watch long doors. okay, guess i'm not gonna watch cat. smoke, what the fuck are you doing, man? it's a fucked up world we live in, man. it's fine, i guess. anyone got spawn? might be saving awp. what's the rush, yellow? what's the rush? benjamin dabbington? he didn't want to go 1v5, i guess. yeah.
16:27 i got a kill with two. this game is fucked, man. they really spawn me over here when i'm destined to get mid picks. i think i'm keeping my smg for another go. drop in, double scope, get a kill. through the door, man. wake up, wake up, get up, it's the first of the month. so get your kill and get unk. cause it's the first of... my friend corey, i'm having a wonderful day.
17:16 my god sure a circle around him behind us y'all oh, i won't fight with my team cuz it's the first of the month and i'll be up in getting many kills again. i'm crazy it's literally the the guns too powerful kory. yeah, there's one wow, it doesn't matter anymore well, there is good shot really good shot really good shot. oh
18:15 good try. he might not know. oh, she's putting his nuts on my ear. damn. i don't understand. i think i'm gonna buy the off. yeah, do it. you've been killing. oh, that do you, corey, you gotta try it. have you ever used it or are you scared of it? are you scared of the energy? i don't know. i don't like dying to it, so i don't want to use it. that's the thing. you die to it, then you buy it and you get a kill with it and you go, fuck you. literally, we own mid because of my op aura.
19:09 mid guy, huh? i didn't see one mid actually. we threw a smoke that covered mid, strangely enough. oh, is it covered? no, it's not! yeah, he's mid. he's mid. i don't think my smoke did shit either, to be honest with you. i'll just pick him. covered me. he crossed right, i believe. it says big gets shot in the side of the head energy. that's pretty good. got him? oh, shot in the side of the head. he did get shot in the side of the head. oh no, now they have another awp.
20:06 corey, it's your destiny bro. it's too expensive. fuck it, bro. give me your ak. i'll give you this op. no, i don't want the corey, you can shoot! you can shoot with corey. you're good at aiming. corey, you're good at aiming. it's too much pressure. it's literally gonna change your life in counter strike. that's fucked. never mind. i run this town. bad smoke. give us long doors. oh, come on. on a. on sight? yeah, yeah, yeah. that's crazy.
21:16 that's insane. corey, i got three kills off no armor. it calls to you, bro. this is also a t side off. yeah. you're carrying the gun kills them in one hit. everyone gets an op. is it? i don't know. the ops versus three up. i don't have enough for an op, man. kind of fucked up. oh, he dropped it. he dropped it. my king.
21:58 damn! i gotta learn this smoke, man. that felt so good that he literally said, you need this gun. he said, we need you to have this shit. what is this smoke? you got that spot, corey. don't even sweat it. there's definitely one. all right. oh, i kind of smoked it. there's one that came out of long doors, corey. i missed him. that's my bad. i missed him. did he push out or did he just? yeah, he pushed out. yes. yes, he did. oh my god. i am not prepared for this today.
22:46 he's clear. oh, he had no idea. oh, good job. we won! we won! we did, we did. good shit. what do you think, purple? i don't think i've put a bullet on a guy in like a ton of rounds, man. purple? purple, what do you think? purple is last round. would you buy me an awp, purple? can someone drop awp? no. fuck it, we scout. the hell was that, man? corey, there's one long door again.
23:42 he comes there every time. oh, i don't know you're not there anymore. i ran up there. op, yeah, op kills there. 100% op kills there. literally purple fucked us by not buying op. i'm about to give him a piece of my mind. a site's clear. it's a hell of a round, man. your teammates planting right now. we win these. here, mct. i'll be your eyes. one long. he's dead. mid, mid, cat. oh, shit. oh, god.
24:35 you got this blue. w w play. good shit blue. that was fucking huge dude. you put that gun in my mouth. kory i'm telling you t side up.
25:07 ct side, you literally just pick an angle hold it and farm kills. dude, dude, dude. i don't want to be the evil man. yes you do. this game is about stealing other people's fun. i guess. i got the nade for long doors. get ready. haters will say it's you till farming. they're out by the way. there you go. yeah. long, long. literally i got 60 damage off my nade anyway. here come the assists. purple, i'm counting on you.
25:57 he flexed it, he flexed it. they want the kill. the view model is really funny. the view model is so good. i didn't know you could like zoom out like that. oh, they planted b. i didn't even notice. get his ass. it must feel good as fuck to molly your bomb with like three seconds left. yeah. oh my god. oh no. technically save the usp. no, this ain't the round.
26:53 i go b on this round with the mp9. you see that damage, bro? 55, 50, 50, 71. yeah, the grenade's good on that for sure. they flashed long. i hear you, brother. yeah, two out long at least. they got one cat. one b as well. i'm alive. i'm alive somehow. benjamin tabbington just fucking went... saved my life for sure. did they see bomb? have you got bomb yet? must have been planted b.
27:47 i couldn't believe when i kept hitting the trigger and it kept shooting bullets. i was like, i have to have died in the flashbang there or the smoke or whatever. window. he was window. i know. purple, purple push with me. let's go, let's go, lad. let's go. i got some bullets out there at least. purple did not push with you. purple's kind of slow playing that one. that's all right. it's all right. we buy deagle so we have op for next round.
28:37 kinda in the middle here. this is a very important round. we missed 6 7, but we could get 6 9 off this. good grenade. w grenade on that one. i think we lost one cat, i think. i'm gonna go cover cat. you're gonna cover cat? they've breached cat. they're not on cat yet though. check long. nothing long. our teammates are dying mid. that was my bad. i lost cat. good luck to you. there was one cat. our other teammates b. i'll be their eyes.
29:30 good job. other teammates watching tunnels. okay, i'm just gonna watch site then. you're doing great, king. you're doing great. oh, long. that guy's kind of good. our purple's kind of pissing me off, i'm not gonna lie. no, they dropped me in. aw, they're okay. ooh, i wonder if you heard that. he's like, where am i?
30:21 that's so real. he popped out and he was like, he had anterograde amnesia really quick. he was like, what? he couldn't make new memories. that ain't his fault. i don't know if he heard that. i guess i'm going b. okay, new strat just dropped in chat. remember, this isn't a killing house anymore. this is real life. don't even worry about it, brother. don't even, blue, blue. you don't need fire. you've got an op, bro. oh, mid.
31:10 mid. no one was watching mid, so i got mid guy. good, good. that's awesome. i'm looking at these particle effects, man. they got an awp in spawn, i think. if my ears don't deceive me, they are awping from spawn. okay, they're covering that. long has never been cleaner. oh shit. motherfucker. are you watching tunnel? we got a guy watching tons. i'm watching the mid door push. they're using our adhd against us.
32:06 mm hmm, and i'm not gonna let it happen. i'm just gonna lock in all tons all tons i'm drawing from my own supply of i vance that my brain creates for me the hell was that she crossed on site. yeah nice mvp kory i want it. i want it oh sick for surviving attack. i did put damage on four people this time. they're gonna go long i'm literally gonna get probably a double collateral at a minimum with my first shot. i believe it. i'm stuck. i
32:58 i'm stuck as mid boy here. yep, one, two out long, two out long. go, go, go. i've abandoned my boy. i'm dead. i miss my guy and they all poured out long. are they on econ? no, bro. they killed me. the biggest gun i've ever seen. they took my op. did you push up long with an op? i pushed up to the door, literally crouched under my bullet.
33:44 what the fuck was that man? i could have told you that. damn. it's a child. that's tough. that's a tough one. how much money i got? oh, enough. you got money. i'm up in tunnels. damn. i'm broke. here. i can't buy anything. you take that. can you give me yours then? oh, i jumped over the op. huge.
34:32 i'm just gonna be a crab. i missed. one down. you think we got anybody mid? yeah, i'm gonna leave you there, corey. what did he say? good shit. i don't have comms on, so i have no idea. that's a good point. they molly'd a. seems like they're pushing a. i do the classic long t flank into they're planting a, planting a. i'm literally gonna go pit and ruin their life. no, i gotta go cat. fuck. don't have time. let's do this double op push. you guys are kings.
35:38 oh, it's pretty good shot. they're all dead. dude, often you get really good. corey, this will be a perfect time for you to opt down long tunnels. you could opt tunnels and you would see the light. you would be like, dude, it's not cheating. it's just the gun is cheating because if you miss the first shot, you lose.
36:09 but if you hit the first shot, man, if you fucking hit the first shot, holy shit. you're like a drug pusher. yeah, i guess i'll fucking go fuck myself. seems like there's some hot shit at b. one more b? i'm awesome. that was crazy. sounds like another b. i got one mid doors, like picked him. thought i heard another b. can't guarantee. okay, that was... okay, listen.
36:57 kory, i'm not mad at you for your mvp there, but i'm a little upset at the game. because there was some serious plays there. there were some incredible plays there that i think they were disrespecting me on a little bit. chad's keeping me honest. they said i shot two guys in the back. yeah, yeah, that's two guys, bro. okay, i don't know if you smoke that first. does that work? let's both leave at the same time. good idea.
37:41 cat maybe he said oh, hey could not be clearer. yeah to mid one long too long i fucked up their phone infrastructure. they won't be able to communicate with the base for for backup where did purple die and made maybe i'm gonna stay long where a yellow die pushing cat ones top mid they're pushing cat. that's what he said okay, that's mid. yep. he's cat. oh
38:53 let's go. corey, look at this! dude, that's like three mvps in a row, bro. i don't know why. i guess i got two kills. i do like b. i like playing b better than a. dude, and with an awp, i mean, you'd be unstoppable. one lung is dead. this is a good game, man. i apologize for anything negative i said about counter strike. this game's kind of awesome.
39:47 and send the area out. who brought the nerd man? never mind, i forgot where the feds. i forgot where the feds. checks out, it makes perfect sense. that was kat. kat to kat. yeah, we got some issues, kat. we got some issues, kat. as in i've been killed with, i've left my op on the ground, kat. well, that's horrible news for us. almost had him. what?
40:27 i heard like three headshot sounds go off. wait, blue's clutching up. oh my god. oh my god. i don't know if i would have put that awp down to be honest. i mean with the way he's shooting. oh shit, there's like 12 of them left. 94 and 2? it seems insane that we're losing at all.
40:59 it seems impossible to be true. i got b this time, or i got tunnels this time by the way. okay. tunnels. literally they'll never make that so don't even worry about that shot. uh, it might be b, they just smoked here. we have a fella on mid. yeah. with an smg. no sweat then. he wins these. so he's pushing a. cat. i'm flanking the long way. corey! bomb down a. there's one fella left.
42:08 cat, he's shooting a cat? flanking cat. slow flank. huge. okay. okay. okay. okay. i got tunnels. this game stresses me out, man. heart rate check? i can't, i'm not even fucking with you. my heart rate's 67 right now. oh my god. that's the... 79. corey, my heart rate's 67. it's the greatest omen you could ever have. did you do the 6 7 challenge? no, i have bursitis in my right elbow.
43:06 i got a medical exemption. okay, he's got that. one down tunnels. ooh. i think there's some action mid as well. they have an awper mid, i think? he's gotta come to us. i got the fucked up harmonica from you go your way and i go mine in my head. i can't lose. one in tons, but i miss them. whatever, he's not gonna peek again. bad news. i think awp long just took out like... nope, there he is. 4e.
44:04 corry! corry! that was scary too because i was not paying attention to that dude when i killed him. damn, this is a huge fucking round. what do you think? their purple is bottom fragging. i think purple's gonna be like, don't go b, they have an awper. they're gonna disregard them because he's like 6 and 20, and then they're all gonna feed me b in tunnels. oh, a long out. or maybe our purple will smoke my angle and corry will easily win the game.
44:51 some nades mid. what do you say one cat bomb down bomb down long bomb down long. i'm down long one mid last ones mid top mid. i'm gonna snipe them. it's aura last last known sighting was right there for you. corey my king. we go to ot. ot. we won like six rounds in a row to get the ot that's crazy. we did we did. i go hard for my city.
45:36 it's so i'm not even saying this to be an asshole. it's so insane that you are bottom fragging and yet i think you carried us through like the last half dozen rounds. you have like at least five or six mvps in the last 10 rounds. i've gotten a lot of kills but not a lot of damage. bro, why are you smoking my ankle purple? dude, this kid or somebody whoever's
46:09 they're voiping every now and then and they just say like one syllable and i have no idea what the fuck they're saying bro flash is b. i'm scared. two mid doors? ah shit. that means they're gonna be on me any second now. oh cat. i also have a cat in my face where is he? where the fuck is he? spawn? could be. oh this is devastating. yeah. i gotta i'm going for it. i'm going for it. fuck that guy. i don't care about that guy. why would i give a fuck about that guy?
47:01 bro, we have to push. what's this guy doing? what's this guy doing? huge. you have to do something. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. good try. good try. purple, please. don't smoke. this is time. oh, no, never mind. i don't care. that's your problem now. we take these. where does blue like? the blue likes to play long. so do i. why are you smoking that?
47:56 blue, you're my king. we've killed one long. what the fuck did they just say? did purple smoke your angle again? he smoked off the tunnels. okay, mid doors, that seems like. i'm watching mid doors, but it'll be after they push through. i'm in spawn. yeah. oh, we lost blue long. i gotta go back and cover long. i've been shot in the side of the head from mid doors. one's cat. it's gonna be a. oh shit! i think that's the dude who shot me in the side of the head. yeah.
48:40 i thought you died further back on site. that's rough. that's a tough one. i thought for some reason i thought purple was purple was still alive, right? i have $2,700 you literally you can't rely on purple to do anything except smoke be doors for some reason. they're smoking the door for reasons that make no sense to anybody. oh, they kory this might be the one they didn't buy smoke. so glad it's the one where we don't have the op. terrorist timeout. come on, bro. come on. come on. they're probably typing some shit in all chat.
49:21 to stop them from rushing b? bro, i need them to rush b so i can get awp kills. you should comms with them. you heard kory, they're eight years old. they're literally watching mr beast videos on their bluetooth speaker right now. there's one person just, it was like, ain't nothing getting through to them, okay? they're just like, i don't know what syllables you tried to put together. i have no idea what words you just said to me. good point, chad. we need a kid here.
50:12 okay, craziest smoke of all time. someone just, they smoked the roof. bomb down tons. i'll confirm that. the bomb is down in the tunnel. op long, i think. yep. op long doors. where do you think they're going, man? i'm scared about them coming through tunnels. so i'm gonna swing them. blue, good luck to you. oh, good shot. good shot. 23 and one. we go t side and i get an op. mm hmm. mm hmm.
51:20 damn, yellow does have a hidden mickey bro. sorry? hidden mickey is when you see a mickey mouse somewhere you don't expect like at a disney theme park. oh, okay. i'm not up on your current lexicon. well, me neither. invented at runtime. got one. i love that for you and us. damn, blue's just running it up mid, man. they bought an auto sniper. a site's clear. damn.
52:12 i'm just gonna cover backside cat. yeah. purple died. purple died long doors. long doors, long doors, they're saying. i'm gonna flank them. they're trying to flank you, i'm gonna flank them. nice. spooked you. i didn't do anything. i didn't do anything. okay, let me get the mid pick on this one. i gotta catch up to yellow. yellow cleared me. oh shit. not my best round. not my best round. it's an up, down, and spawn.
53:14 oh shit. i'll i'll mid. i'll mid. oh, i gotta go pee really quick. i'll be right back. oh my god, are you kidding me? did i just get disrespect knifed? corey, corey, six seven. yeah, i also got knifed while planting the bomb. oh no! i don't know what happened.
54:36 i don't know what happened bro. i had 23 kills like that never happens. you did pretty good. i'm not like listen yeah, there's no comms but like i don't want to talk to purple anyway to be honest i'd rather just yell at him like you literally chat you're like you're you're getting road rage and you're like why don't you just talk to the other driver? i don't want to talk to that idiot what do you talk what i'm gonna be i gotta send him a constructive message drive better. i