Oh foul-winged creature (Everything is Crab)

Name: Oh foul-winged creature (Everything is Crab)
Uploaded: 2026-05-21
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "Oh foul-winged creature (Everything is Crab)" (Everything is Crab) — 51 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-05-21Everything is Crab

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51 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 check this out. check this out. wait, you can't see it yet. don't check this out. check this out. i'm on pressure five, bro. i beat pressure three and four on the weekend. now i'm on pressure five. movement speed has diminishing returns. this is how i found out that movement speed is op because on pressure five, they said, you can't just spam it anymore. i said, i guess i should have been taking speed the whole time. enemies hp increased. let's see what we're splicing, man.
0:37 increase the amount of points of interest by 50% your third level up will offer three legendaries i mean that does seem pretty freaking good man how about every 12th level up is a branching evolution bosses don't drop boss fruits anymore which means we need to level up we need to get 12 or more
0:59 levels per boss in order for that to make sense as a good choice for us. so maybe we should xp max if that makes sense. let's see. honestly, i'm the type of beast that goes jaws just to get another attack. and also because it gives you increased feeding speed which in many ways is basically increased xp generation. and then fuck it, i'll eat a mushroom.
1:34 give me antlers because it's a second attack and also it will let me kill enemies faster so that i can get more xp makes perfect sense to a guy like me why the fuck not man getting hypothermia get under a snow capped tree dumbass are you an idiot? does it make any damn sense man? we've done lad
2:03 a legendary evolution. you know what? i would love to have more health food drops. that seems conducive. literally, it's my food, so stop eating my food. i don't fuck with the ninja turtles, bro. too annoying to fight, to be honest. too annoying to be allowed to live. and first, we fucking feast. social increases chance to charm enemies with abilities. senses increases the distance at which points of interest in alpha enemies are perceived.
2:44 um, i'm gonna take it. reason i'm gonna take it? i don't know if we're gonna keep leveling horns. i think horns might just be a means to an end for the moment. spontaneously generate more mushrooms around you. why not, man? it's vampire survivors. you literally attack in this game. i think that i'm not saying this to be evil to vampire survivors, but there are other, watch out! if anything,
3:22 this is more like an open world binding of isaac. i can be annoying too, you don't have a fucking monopoly on it. let's get even more frequent mushrooms, man. master cooldowns. wait, we're already level seven. can somebody tell me, by the way, what's a good level? you know how if you go mid with shadow fiends, you want to know what a good benchmark for cs score at 10 minutes is? what's a good measure for levels for each boss in this game?
4:02 i would love to eat a little faster. 12 by the first boss. okay, huge. 10 cs a minute. i can literally beat that in this by the way. i can literally get more than 10 cs a minute easily. look at this. i mean that's only one enemy every six seconds. that's nothing. even faster feeding speed. we'll do what we do in every game like this. maximize our experience gain and then wonder why we can't kill anything.
4:33 the fuck? frozen mushroom? the fuck did i eat bro? that was salvia. 10 cs a minute is every single creep? yeah, yeah. i know what i said. i said what i fucking said, man. i mean, what are you doing playing dota in 2026 and still missing creeps? the game's been out for 100 years. come back here. i want the mushroom, but come back here? i mean, don't go mid if you think you're gonna miss a creep. it's that simple. motherfucker. it's too fast for me. we're eating fungi in here.
5:21 i don't really know what this build does yet. let's just go ahead and get a little faster. nah, man, i shouldn't have eaten all this shit. fuck it, i'll eat more. let's try yoshi. can i get some health food? get some health food, man. yeah, yeah, is this level 12 already? damn, give me more xp. i'll be a ruminant on this. this is prey build, man. if caruso can defend wendy, you can do anything. oh, but didn't they lose though? didn't they dead ass lose the game?
6:11 i don't know, i don't watch oklahoma sports. destroyed. didn't when we get 40 points? i did check espn.com. i was kinda stunned to see that shy had seven points by the third quarter of the game. i was like surely this is one of those things where this is like an app made in react where it just hasn't updated or something like that. shy, that's what i call him, man. from mario. i ate a lethal mushroom, guys.
6:56 when the lethal mushroom doesn't kill you? maybe some regeneration could go hard here. i'm dead. i'm fucking dead because i ate a lethal mushroom. i'm fucking dead. that's really good. that's really good, man. let's take more points of interest and third level up will offer three legendary evolutions. fuck the mushroom build, man! never do mushroom build in this game. they're trolling with that one.
7:32 literally all you should do is chonky. just get as big as possible on every single run. huge, actually a dotted attack. i did a vegan build, it's okay. city skyline too is that way, okay? just take that. you need nomadic? no, no, no, i need stinger. just look at that. bro gets one tapped. sure, i'll take some damage resistance. and by one tap, i mean two taps, but still. yeah, yeah, come on, get closer.
8:20 and we just want physical inability, physical inability, physical inability. and then faster eating speed. poi bonus, that's me in hawaii. real talk though, have you ever had poi? poi a little bit like durian in my opinion. not great. poi better than durian. i'll stand on business on that one. is it not clocking for you that i'm standing on business?
8:59 i do feel like like poi, i was kind of like, i don't really get the appeal. dirty and i was like, they're trolling with this one. feeding speed. and then increase my regeneration. i'm not going into the ice caves man. too cold, destroyed. destroyed. too dead to poison, young pup. i did not say i hate foreign food. i love foreign food. like food from europe for example.
9:50 wait, and then spitting on it? okay. it's just a durian. i honestly, i mean, i believe that it's actually really tasty if you grow up eating it. but if you're having it for the first time at age 37, i'm not, i'm sorry, i'm allergic to being performative. you know how easy it would have been for me to eat this durian that smelled like a gas station and say something like, wow, why don't we have this where i'm from?
10:26 you at least know, even if my opinion makes you a little upset, you at least know it's coming from a place of authenticity and honesty, right? hey, this is my food, bro. like, you know what white people normally say when they don't like a food? they start talking about, like, how many antioxidants it has in it and shit like that. you're dealing with a different kind of beast here. so true. they start talking about how good it is for your gut biome and stuff like that.
11:09 they do they do be do it come on cuz i'm them cuz i'm them so i know it's your favorite foreign foodie. yes. done lad. white people love recycling. damn, is this how i find out i'm white? already found out i'm italian because only me and other italian people seem to tell it like it is when it comes to directive 80 20.
11:45 all the north american reviewers are like, this game's awesome. all the italian reviewers are like, what the hell is this, man? but like, you know, grazie or whatever. italian ign gave it a five. that's literally just ign to me. okay, let's get small as fuck. and i call the other ign, ign america.
12:28 we're recreating counter strike from base principles by the way. guys, i don't think i'm gonna be level 12 by the time the first boss shows up. should i just restart the run? opinions on papa dali? it's fucking delicious. it's one of the best pastas. now is it a tagliatelle? not quite a tagliatelle, but it's got a certain je ne sais quoi. great job by the way! let's eat a mushroom right before the boss so i'm on half hp when the boss shows up. and i've got no dash so i have no ability to escape from the boss except using my default dash which is not that good.
13:08 rosie eating my fruit. wait, you can literally just dodge this guy. let's increase our poison damage. yeah, you're not gonna hit me with that. hope that helps. let me eat this health food real quick and then spit on you. buddy, what are you doing? this is like in dark souls. you never do the three light hit combo, bro. it leaves you way too open for when the boss actually has the ability to do an attack.
13:47 you don't want to be locked in on that long ass animation. sometimes you can backstep cancel out of it. i'll say it so you don't have to. he's literally done bro. they gotta buff these ones too easy? nah, watch this. it's literally just because my build is too strong because i literally just got 75% bonus damage. and let's make our regen trigger faster. that way i have some survivability.
14:31 it's not gonna be jaws, man. let me get a reroll on this. do you have to aim? you do have to aim with most of the attacks at least. tentacles and literally i don't even care what it says on the text except tentacles are poison coated. arms are not poison coated unless we're talking about like audition by takeshi miike. this wings, i don't know if there's any poisonous birds. you have to go tentacles. it just makes sense.
15:03 it's called the ludonarrative resonance, bro. you're done, lad. enjoy those sticks of poison. thanks for the health food. look at, oh man, the antioxidants are going crazy in that one. what are you doing with that? fucked up my ears though. okay, raise your ability again. you want to taste the whole damn poo poo platter? also every tick of poison you have literally makes my regen trigger even faster. are we in the club bathroom? what do you mean by that?
15:59 you know what's crazy? i'm farming a lot of anecdotes about going to the bookstore once. but when did bookstores go from selling books to selling mugs that say like, um, i love you as much as a drunk girl in a bar bathroom loves complimenting someone's outfit. i guess when people stopped buying books at the bookstore and started buying them online, then really up to their mug consumption. yeah, that's fair enough, man. more max hp would go crazy.
16:42 when the barns turned ignoble. oh shit, interesting ass sentence man. seen the state of literacy. i guess i'm just happy when people read anything. we had kind of a crash out of the bookstore though because my daughter is really interested in guinness books of world records. she already has the 2026 version.
17:16 so i went over to the computer to see if they had any older versions. they had a 2025 version, but she didn't like it because it was too close to the 2026 version. so i went back to the computer and i saw that they had two 2024 versions in stock. but then we couldn't find them in this section of the store that they were supposed to be in.
17:40 so i had to call over a staff member and go, hey, it says you've got two copies of the 2024 guinness book of world records here. and then he went, let me check that for you. i guess the computer doesn't get the fully updated list for some reason, even though that's what the computer's there for. and then he typed in the isbn number on his phone and then he's like, yeah, we don't have those anymore.
18:06 and he was very nice about it, don't get me wrong. but i was kinda like, well, what the fuck is the computer here for? does it make any damn sense to me what the computer's here for? i do need to go to the library cuz the library fucking owns it having old guinness book of world records and ps3 games. it's 100% true. but wait, you don't wanna pick a fight with a beast like me. look at this.
18:35 didn't i tell you? you literally, every time i poison you, it makes me healthy. it's a fucked up world we live in. look at that. look at that. and then i get max hp when i eat the fucking food off your body, bro. you're done. spit attacks will now apply poison. literally a necessary option, even though we got really lucky to get tentacles in there too. yeah, couldn't figure out what to do and now you're dead. libraries kind of own though. no doubt about that.
19:24 me looking in chat to see if people are like, yes, based. we could use more feeding speed. yeah, it's tentacles by a mile, bro. one shot with the damn spit? this is the build i've been trying to get. have you tried haphazardly just grabbing every upgrade you see with no care for build synergy whatsoever? i do need some kind of dash though. quite a fart on him, king. wait, it's the boss. it's the boss, but i'm only level 23.
20:15 i'm letting my team down mid! wait, wait, we can fix that. nah, we're still crazy strong. also look at our fucking regen, bro. uh, it's definitely better ability, better speed, better pizza. papa john's slogan is how i know false advertising is like not a real crime. it has to be slithery because slithery is poison coated. stuffed crust actually incredible. man, i haven't had a stuffed crust pizza in a long ass time.
21:16 what is this horrible sound? is that the sound capybaras make when they're upset? yes, that's crazy. couldn't be me, let's put it that way. they do make weird sounds. we don't really have them up here. all we get is the plushie. we don't get like the real ones. all i wanna see, okay, speed is necessary. but all i wanna see is feeding speed, bro. we're waiting way too long to get the experience that's rightfully ours for killing these creatures. you're done, you're done.
22:06 they have a capybara farm in kamloops. kamloops? you're telling me i could drive eight hours. either in the middle of winter across a highway that gets so bad in the wintertime discovery channel has a show based on it, or in the summer when the okanagan is perpetually on fire to see some capybaras. might be the move, man. my food is four hours to be fair. i've never done it. got me on that one.
22:46 i tried to once but it was, i mean, there was a wildfire. that's my xp. i would like to eat faster. well, ability is pretty solid for us cuz we do ability based poison damage. but all i care about is eating faster, like a cheek pouch would go crazy here, man. take the jet, nah, man, donnie's repossessing it, man, for something. i don't know, i don't really keep up with this stuff. cuz i don't have a jet. would be awesome though.
23:30 the best, what do you think is the best part about having a private jet? it's gotta be showing up whenever you want. like not having to show up at the airport like three hours early. second best part, i bet they make security a breeze, man. like you ain't going through the tsa. better dash, that's actually huge. there's probably people in chat who have flown on like a corporate jet. i know some of you are like, you know, vps at a startup that's like trying to finish series a funding or whatever.
24:11 i almost call it siri a like the italian football league in this chat. i swear it to you. there's no shot. i would be very surprised if we have a billionaire in chat. that would be really surprising to me. but i bet we got at least a couple individuals with $50 million plus net worth in chat right now. now that i've clocked you, it's like undercover boss. you gotta be like, you got me.
24:49 because to get a 50 million dollar net worth, don't get me wrong, is rare. but like you could either win the lottery or like be college roommates with someone who ends up like creating a startup that is like does really well even though you don't even really know what it does.
25:11 you could just, the algorithm for finding a roommate in 2011 might have just placed you with someone who was like really into podcasts. and now they're making like ai generated medical software or something like that. i need, i don't need this. the spit is interesting, but i don't need this. i need something, i don't need that. we go again? sure, man, that's good enough.
25:47 i'm not gonna cast the spurs on some farm that. they're kinda beating my ass though! yeah, okay, so just fucking kill me. just fucking kill me, cause like you don't like the way i've built my animal or something. can i just get some fucking food? wait, we're literally chilling? cause the more poison we have, the faster our regen works! and every time i hit you, i'm applying poison! now if i could get you if i could sting ya, that's even better. we pulled it back. what a fucking shot, man.
26:41 now if i could sting ya, you'd just get close enough that i would sting ya. you didn't expect me to have pentacles. you know what? we have so many points. we should at least burn a couple at getting a slightly better level of our highest damage attack. i'd like to eat faster. i mean more xp. every 10 seconds we would get like 50 xp.
27:28 even faster bro. i mean this this thing would be a fucking menace in real life you would not want to cross this individual let's put it that way and now have you ever played kingdom come apologies if so, you don't need to apologize. i don't think it's that bad i'm just playing i've never played it my wife's played a lot of it though literally why why are you beefing with me besides the fact that i spit on you? oh
28:09 we have no reason to be natural enemies. you can take some i can't eat fast enough to eat all the food that i create by being a bloodthirsty killer. you should just step in and eat some of the food. is it too late to eat fast? i don't know, man. that's a reroll. speed's out of control. ideally, speed would be so fast that we wouldn't even have to think about dodging. imagine that. damn, the poison is fucking crazy.
28:56 they're all elites. we take a chance on them. double poison damage. don't forget speed has diminishing returns. yeah, yeah and chub this like smoke. but you don't need bombs to kill him. let's put it that way. hey, how do we get this guy who's just running away? i guess you gotta kill him before he starts doing that. come on, come on, he's done. he's done. he's running away again. not today, kid.
29:42 go ahead, try it. my god, did he literally regen enough? finally, i need your health food to get more max hp. stop stealing my old food, better feeding speed. we would have hoovered that all up in two seconds, man. you like the new nmix album? my wife played two of the tracks for me. i think it's really good. nmix always doing cool stuff in k pop. but i worry that i'm becoming like,
30:22 a novelty merchant when it comes to k pop, i realized like basically what i determine is a good or a bad k pop song is entirely driven by like does this sound different than what i'm used to hearing, which is not a sophisticated heuristic. like it's not to say that you know being novel is bad but sometimes convention is not a negative thing you know.
30:51 but i do think they're always... the songs are always interesting. let's put it that way. and i mean it for once as a compliment. you're literally dead. no, you're literally running away from me. i'm pissing me off. don't die. don't die. use your penguin slide to get away. don't die. farm up some mutagens. farm up some health foods.
31:34 poison slither tentacle? is this a cruise ship build? okay, i get it but i don't get it. i'm going all the way to gold, man. what do you mean a cruise ship build? i would see it if there was a snake attack on a cruise ship. but it's not a snake, it's like a rat driven thing. rats, i wouldn't really describe them as slithery. i'm tossing out punchlines that were never there. thank you rem courser for keeping us grounded.
32:18 i'm tired of the motherfucking rats on this motherfucking cruise. that's damn true. we could have used samuel l, man. is he in michael, by the way? i know it's about the jacksons. holy shit, it's the final boss. whoa! hey, what does purple thing over their head mean? i see it all the time. i have no idea what it is. and range kind of insane, huh? just sort of like walk away and attack them. should try that in cs.
33:09 why are you healing so much? it means grimace? it does mean grimace. it means too bad. it's an enemy charm! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
33:57 whatever call that crab one choose your