He's been hitting the squat rack (Everything is Crab)

Name: He's been hitting the squat rack (Everything is Crab)
Uploaded: 2026-05-18
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "He's been hitting the squat rack (Everything is Crab)" (Everything is Crab) — 54 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-05-18Everything is Crab

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0:00 and everything is crap. adrian brody be like, i'm splicing. it's true. is that a sarah poly joint? i always forget. it is indeed. okay. of course we're going to run it back. choose your first starting genetic. um, i don't necessarily want to run back like a big guy. we'll, we might mix it up and try for smaller plus 10 hp, highest pressure beaten with this genetic and patient skip evolutions when it skipped gain increased rarity chance for every evolution in the next level.
0:44 oh okay, so we can't just go, we can't just run back the one we thought. minus 50% modifier to physical and ability, plus 50% to your nearby area. nearby enemies take more damage. interesting. well your third level level offer three legendaries does seem pretty fucking good. the toast sled.
1:16 vegetarian progress plus 30%. the only thing i need to know how to eat fruit. how do you eat fruit and vegetables? you go to trees. do you hit the tree or does the tree just drop them at regular intervals? trees and mushrooms. they're on timers. let's give it a fucking try, man. nobody knows what happened there. it's all right. fish food progress. i mean, we could become a piece of ore. it's true.
2:00 you know what, let's get some, let's get some damage resistance. oh, i got poisoned by the mushroom. i can see that now. yeah, it's my fruit, i'm sorry to say. there's a new vegan on these streets. there's an alpha vegan here. it's my third level! sporadically generates mushrooms around you! cool down 14 to 20 seconds! yeah, don't think that you can push me around just because i'm vegetarian, okay? just because i like eating fruit doesn't mean i won't beat that ass.
2:48 more fruit on the ground? he literally, they ate my fruit, whatever. he feasts then. i see my mushroom. i need to find a new tree. these trees are fruitless bro. um, increases how often food drops are turned into health food. i think we gotta have faster exp. work on the ramp first. i want the, i want the fruit. it's alright, we have damage resistance for a reason bro. oh shit, motherfucker man.
3:30 huge. huge place. two apples up here? please hit the blobfish instead of me. huge. we're back. horatically generates mushrooms around you even faster. that's enormous for us. you literally killed your boy. now you're dead. i got some mutagem. you're eating my fucking apples, bro! no, shot. go eat the other apples. this is my meat. i earned it. you know what? make me small as fuck, bro. and then eat a mushroom. i want the fruit, but we can wait. we can wait. ah! that was a stinging nettle.
4:23 oh shit, there's a ton of meat down here. food from animals not killed by you grants extra progress. you mean better dodge to attack penalty movement speed penalty? okay, so this makes us we can attack while moving without slowing down. i just want the mutagens. i gotta keep my eyes peeled for mushrooms because they're dropping but i'm not always paying close attention to them. see there's one up here and one right there.
4:55 i am worried about getting a mushroom that just basically stops us dead in our tracks or just kills us with poison, i guess. help, help me, help me. a little help anybody? this looks like a reroll to a guy like me. vegetarian progress even better. that's right, i'm gonna keep scaling. dodged, sorry playa. yeah, we dodged those. that's a mushroom. yeah, i'm gonna die. so yeah, i'm thinking i'm dead.
5:44 that's a mushroom for us as well. it's all right. we'll get it later. go back to the previous mushroom. help me. help me. i don't need your help. no effects. no effects on that mushroom. why would we feast? feast. feast. feast. yeah. help me. pacifist run. i guess we could attack back. that's a good point. no effects. mushrooms still get xp. yeah, but i can't. i need to be able to get to them, man. i need to be able to get to them even smaller. don't die to poison. holy shit. maybe poison can't be lethal. they hate me.
6:45 prolific plus something we don't know i'm eating a fuckload of mushrooms holy fuck reroll them even more elusive bro we already did big man let's do tiny man still no attack right before the boss i'm gonna write my way out like alexander hamilton bro huge what's wrong with my ears by the way sure man i don't know spend on this and then increase how often food drops are turned into health food
7:37 then keep your eyes fucking peeled for mushrooms. oh, the mushroom took away my ability to hear, i understand. alright, now this... this'll be interesting. i literally don't care if it's a stinging mushroom. dodged. we don't know its effects? youch! use the tree. oh shit, he just went he goes around the tree, bro!
8:16 well i'm gonna have to hit him or just get him to disappear. if you outlast him he'll run away. oh shit. outlast mentioned. great, great a stinging mushroom yet again. let me get some scales bro. let me get some damage adaptation. let me steal this mushroom and eat a little bit of meat. that's probably health food bro. and then steal this one too. please level me up. please, please you're so close. yes! yes!
9:06 even smaller, even better chance to dodge. where is he? nice try. i want it and i'm gonna fucking get it. nice try kid. he left, he left. he said you're too fast for me. he said you're too fucking annoying. wait, every 10 seconds gain progress equal to 5x your prey affinity? i'm fucking prey bro.
9:41 i'm fucking prey! every five sec every ten seconds gain 50 progress as of right now? that's incredible. and then i'll just kill him later. and then i'll just keep minding my own fucking business eating mushrooms, i guess, man. and taking a staggering amount of poison damage. can i eat this? you look like a vegetable. spicy, spicy mushroom.
10:14 sporadically generates mushrooms around you huge each of your poison ticks can charm enemies on damage reduce fungoids next spawn cooldown by five seconds we definitely want this man because we're getting damage from every single mushroom we eat and then make your vegetables even better for you which causes you to take damage which causes you to spawn mushrooms faster
10:53 you don't have beef with me. like he's just there was meat there. he's literally just coming to kill me to be an asshole. but it's too late, bro. i'm about to eat something. whatever. eat a little bit faster. we mostly just eat mushrooms, but i want to save my mutagen. i've been killed. i've been killed by poison. i poisoned myself with too many mushrooms and died. okay, we go again. that was interesting. third level up gives three legendaries. i'm a fan of that, man. and then let's do the same thing.
11:37 not bad, y'all. yeah, some poison resistance would have gone crazy. i honestly was guilty of anything, of being a little naive and thinking maybe poison could take you down to one but not kill you. shiny ass food. searching for more health food helps. i also don't know what health food is, but they keep mentioning it as if it's important. you know what? let's take stinger. slow attack that deals initial physical damage and poisons with ability damage. the food with a star on top of it. does it only drop from elites or is just any food with a star on top?
12:24 no, not only from elites. okay, interesting. you ever realize how op humans are? like we can get pretty good energy off of like many different kinds of food, man. it seemed like a ton of experience to be honest with you. increase sprint speed two and a half seconds. i think we want dextrous because we want increased ability damage for more poison. that sounds right to a beast like me. and i mean that literally in this game. oh damn.
13:13 you don't want it bro. i'm telling you, you're already dead. you're already dead. i'm already eating my next meal. yeah, it's gonna be stinger again. why is his face kind of eblond? are you talking about me or are you talking about my creature? like fritura? because i already told you my face can be kind of eblond. depends how i slept the night before. sometimes i get a stigmatism in my right eye. better ability damage for more poison. destroyed. destroyed. and i've poisoned you so you're destroyed. holy fuck, bro.
14:02 must be hard being a scorpion because like basically i have to imagine every other creature in the animal kingdom fucking hates you. i think it's a reroll. close range attack. no, it's stinger again man. decrease damage taken. no, we always take the permanent benefit without a doubt. we can already decrease our damage greatly just by not getting hit. scorpions can grow in backlight and we don't know why. wait, real shit?
14:53 real shit. explain? what do you want them to explain? it seems like they have no idea how to explain, to be honest with you. thanks for the meat, boys. oh ho! we found friends! they killed him, but we both get to eat! that's huge! oh yeah, okay. they come out at night. whatever you say, newt. i ain't even worried about that. i got my boy with me. we do have some commenseless type shit. i'll never forget that, man. let's fuck with him a little bit.
15:37 just a little bit. huge. wait, do they hate me or are they gonna eat their friends? they don't hate me at all. ouch. come on. i should know your mechanic by now. it is crazy that they had no defense whatsoever. increased poison resistance? no, it's extra ability. give me some mutagens, bro. come on. come on. you hit me for 13. that's kind of devastating actually. a little health food for me. what does right click do? this right here. boom, baby.
16:33 it's something, it's not nothing. you're right, i should be using it, i think is the implication. back to pro, baby. we need to kill some elites. it feels so much better being in the daytime, man. i guess that's true kind of irl as well. it's my kill. i don't wanna take heat damage, man. better speed, lower damage resistance. sure, man, i'll do it. bro, it's fucking hot here and i'm gonna get trapped in the desert.
17:23 i'm taking damage over time. i don't know. i'm okay. i think as long as we poison this guy, we're going to be okay. like look, look at the poison ticks man. okay. no sweat whatsoever. tons of mutagens too. what do we want? much better ability.
17:54 i'm gonna save the the mutagens for the time being and then you eat the berry and see what kind of specialization you can get off of it. you can hide in the holes while the poison works. oh my god this looking huge. fuck it bro poison tentacles seems like kind of a classic. we're talking about like under the sea type shit. physical the stinger also does initial physical damage so let's go for it. oh shit now it's like if the if the stinger don't kill you the poison gets you.
18:40 i'm looking like the type of fella i wouldn't want to fuck with irl. oh! you literally just hit him, run away. you know what? some speed would go crazy. holy shit, it's an all you can eat buffet. you don't want this. random legendary evolution. gain permanent max hp when health food is eaten well at maximum health. it's literally not fair.
19:11 to be a sneaky poisoner that's also tanky. like these are conflicting archetypes that are supposed to be diametrically opposed. but we're literally gonna be tanky and do damage over time and hide and be sneaky and run away. tentacles me. and one thing's for sure, we defend the fucking kill. we defend, come on over bro. come on, oh you want a slice? oh you're fucking dead. now you just became part of the buffet. yeah, yeah, yeah, come on over. come on, oh you're dead. just a matter of when. let the poison do its work bro.
19:47 first we feast. i'm a little worried we have no xp though. we haven't done any, we haven't increased the rate of improvement of our run. further mogs pisses me off though because we're not going to be at full hp. i guess if we wait to eat, we might be at full hp and thus gain more max hp. damn, he hit me pretty good. i do think having more speed would be huge. we kind of want to get in there and then get out. hit him.
20:35 hollow bones is trash. nah nah nah, you just don't appreciate it yet. look at this, i'm running him down. go ahead, go ahead! i said go ahead. i said god help me. get me back to full hp please. get me back to full hp so i can heal for max health. i'm not as tanky as i thought i would be. i was stung. i drank the poison. good ass movie. honestly, i'll say something crazy. might be robert zemeckis' best. if you're a forrest gump disrespecter like me, light's pretty fucking good.
21:32 we need it. we need the arm based evolutions. now we got tentacles and arms. no shot? well, what zemeckis are you putting over flight then? you gotta have a good answer. surely you weren't just saying, you know, you weren't just talking out of your ass. back to the future. i forgot he did that one. i'll be honest with you. i didn't know robert zemeckis did that. if i could level with you, i'm pretty much a huge robert zemeckis disrespect there almost entirely as a result of forrest gump. whoa, what's his problem?
22:26 he does have some l's. i mean, we're, we've, i'm not ever going to see here the movie about like a room, a place in physical space. we ain't going to be watching that robert, i'll tell you that much. always more of a very sonnenfeld guy anyway. on damaged increased physical and ability. i would rather never get hit though. so just make me even smaller. i feel like i'm not leveling fast enough. lajja.
23:09 i get it. actually, never mind. everything's fine. our poison damage is incredible. as a result, we don't really care, man. we don't really have to care about anything. all we have to do is... oh, he's taking my meat though! did he take my fucking berry, bro? why, where's my... oh no, my berry's up there. you literally just have to use your eyes. i got pissed off. what's my prey affinity value? 4 every 10 seconds? i mean, honestly, we're struggling.
24:04 with our, we're very much a trickster, huh? i would like speed, don't get me wrong. but i also feel like we need passive xp. so i'm gonna take some passive xp. you gotta get poison, bro. i need to reduce my cooldowns. i also need a second attack that predominantly does ability based damage. damage? get a life, man! the fuck they fucking hate me!
24:47 they're stealing all the meat! oh, that's a big one though. negative size modifiers increase your dodge chance. yes, bro. we have gotten... we have gotten somewhat smaller over time. that's right. we protect the kill. now let's go fucking hunting. boom, baby! that's gonna be some huge poison damage. pinching attack that does ability damage with each of the two pincers. we have 45 mutagens. upgrade the shit out of this. upgrade it one further time.
25:35 grab the pincer, go continue, and then get pinched. holy shit, and the cooldown is zero. your feast. your fucking feast. stop poisoning your meat, bro. i need to eat that. i'm fucking eating this. i'm eating this. i'm eating this. what are you doing, lad? is he gonna come over and try to fucking attack me? whatever. he is gonna attack me. for what purpose? on what ground? look at what you've done. now i fucking run this town. all i have to do is right click on you to kill you.
26:21 devastating news for you. holy shit. upgrade and go ability. the fact that we can fuck up these ninja turtles is now like enormous progress for us. and now we got to meet bonanza, bro. we do need to eat a little faster. i don't disagree with that. give me better evolution for finding points of interest. my bad. i should have missed it there and gotten hit for 29. you stunned me? yeah, that's right. back off. i do need to eat faster. what the fuck? ruminant.
27:11 he could fucking kill me. he could have fucking killed me right there. i need to eat the health food. eat faster, bro. eat faster. that's not nearly enough damage. he doesn't give a fuck. get this guy. get this fool. i need the meat. i need the meat. this is a hard ass run, man. i'm not gonna lie to you. a lot more dodging required than our last one. you're a fool for not picking carnivore? we did a carnivore run, man! not every run has to be the same. brimstone ass.
28:04 you got any of them levels? yes, you do. we want to be even smaller. we want to upgrade and be even smaller so that our dodge chance goes even crazier. okay, let's check this out. what's our... our dodge chance is 39% because our size is negative 27% and then also we must have gotten some flat dodges. i support this, you're dead lad. and now we're gaining max hp again. the streets know who not to mess with.
28:47 i forgot we need to do ranged attacks on the frogs. you didn't want to come this way. oh shit, then i ate the bones. even better elusive. holy fuck man. whatever, we all eat, we all eat. oh, you came over to eat? nice try kid, you're fucking dead. you might live actually. you might. oh yeah, come eat. come eat some food. tina you fat lard, come get your dinner. guys, i can't hit anything. let me roll this please. i can't hit anything because i'm too small.
29:30 give me a better dodge chance, why not? i'm too small to land my attacks reliably. the right click i can kind of do okay with. the left click i got some serious problems. but all i need to do is left click on the boss like five times and they're probably toast. get in there. they've dodged. i didn't know that was something they could do. make me even smaller please. one day i'm gonna land it. i mean he might just fuck off and run away. there's always that.
30:14 now you're in trouble lad. i got you again and i dodged your got him. there will indeed be gambling with friends today, it's true. better pinch your attack. got him again. i'm like a little mosquito on your neck. i'm a little tick bite. i'm giving you lyme disease, bro. come on, get hit by me. i want you to get hit by me. got him again. dodged, poisoned. you're dead, brother. what the fuck hit me there? laser beam from outer space.
31:20 oh, and then it takes us about 12 hours to eat, but that's okay. pistol pinsir deals massive damage based on higher physical or ability and pushes the target. new ultimate unlocked? what the fuck? i should have upgraded it. i didn't realize, but that's beautiful. it's a beautiful thing. sorry to quote martha stewart or whatever. oh, and don't forget about your fucking berry, man. i mean, with wings, we're just like...
32:13 i, oh you know what, i guess slithery has upgrade potential. so even though wings is better on one level strictly slithery maybe can get there over time. but we, i mean right off the bat, i mean uh we're every nightmare that you have ever had. we're a tentacled winged crab that poisons you. this is a very cool game. you've done something very cool with this one.
32:52 you can play it multiple different ways. at least on my first two runs, i feel comfortable saying that. time makes fools of us all inevitably, but guys, guys is my kill. unless you wanna become the kill, i'm giving you a chance. try the q, inevitably, shit make me even smaller, but i do kind of think range might be the play.
33:27 inevitably, i got an alt and now i don't wanna use it cuz i'm like, well, with a cooldown could be like 10 minutes. so i'll just finish the run like having never used it. wait, it's not even that long. holy shit, it's 10 seconds. roll me. ruminate me. the poison.
34:05 fuck it, i'm not gonna stop being mad that they're taking my kill bro. there's enough food for everybody. already got level three. why don't you go ahead and just make me even smaller? it is making it somewhat more difficult to land shots. i'm not gonna lie to you. roll me. mr. nobody. you know what? even better dodge chance. yes, range would be huge but was it worth it? you got a meal, lost your life. your dodge chance is maxed. double it.
34:57 and then give it to the next guy. i gotta get you, i gotta get you. all right, you guys, i'm cool with you, you're cool with me, you're cool with me, i'm cool with you. boom, baby, you're not taking my golden meat. yes, even better feeding speed. we picked the perfect time to peak and we picked the perfect peak at the perfect time. yeah, it's feeding speed, bro. we locked in a dessert.
35:41 feed me, feed me. see more ass build. stop that. poison ass. feeding speed. and then we just run around. oh, oh! i'm back to full hp, bro. you can't stop me. why did like some of these guys, there's enough meat for everybody. some of these guys just want the thrill of the kill. even better feeding speed. like what are you doing, man? you're poisoning your friends. we love you.
36:33 don't listen to them only listen to me. get out of here. i don't even care. i don't even care even smaller. even better dodge chance. and look at the rate of xp gain. where are you? it is hard to tell. it's probably even harder to tell on the stream to be honest because even in 1080 the shit like sometimes which doesn't look that good to be honest with you. let me get a level of hump here. go ahead. go ahead. go ahead. really? yeah, really smart. really smart. now you ran in there and you're fucking dead, bro.
37:15 bet you feel like a damn genius. yeah, run away. oh, too bad it doesn't fucking matter. in theory, like i could be able to hit you or whatever. feeding speed even faster. take me to the all you can eat buffet. i've almost died. hey brex mechanica, thank you for the gifted subscriptions. gifted subscriptions? thank you for the gifted subscriptions. thank you for the gifted scriptures. even faster feeding speed. you wanted some of my kill? you just became some of my kill. congrats.
38:02 and now it's crab king time. the scripted gifter. i mean, i'll say it, man. this is a hell of a game. we re rolled it. i just don't want them. we can feed on the boss. we can farm on the boss. we're live here. boom. get hit by the pistol shrimp. i don't know if i can do enough damage to kill him, to be honest with you. i feel like i'm hitting them pretty good. like, literally, what is that guy's problem? why was he running me down? he has armor. he has armor, i'm hearing.
39:02 strength in numbers, increased cataclysm resistance. i feel like i may just die to meteors if meteors spawn, which they have. or maybe once we punch through your armor, we're gonna be in a better place. i need to get some poison involved. there's some poison. can you believe it? you're right, meteor did happen, man. increase that cataclysm resistance. maybe he'll die to meteors. i don't know.
39:47 i will say it seems kind of fucked up to me that the other animals are like hey, let's help this guy doesn't it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me that like this is obviously the apex predator, but they're helping him out literally too small to be hit until your q charges up hit him with a little bit of poison. oh, he's charmed them it all becomes
40:46 he's literally dead, bro. i was moving different. thank you. thank you for saying that. we made it work. new pressure unlocked. you now have access to sisyphusian challenges. new challenges unlocked as well. social build incoming? we'll see, man. smash marker. call that crab too?