when it's alien check day at school (Directive 8020)

Name: when it's alien check day at school (Directive 8020)
Uploaded: 2026-05-18
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "when it's alien check day at school (Directive 8020)" (Directive 8020) — 58 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-05-18Directive 8020

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58 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:01 hey, what the fuck? when you see yourself on the security cam, is that how i always, do i really walk like that? awesome, man. you're confusing the androids? no, i'm not, bro. david was sus. the other one was chill.
0:39 nah man, she needs to learn how to delegate. they're both pretty sus? the other one was sus, but then it's revealed that you're only sus him because every android in alien has necessarily betrayed the protagonist except for bishop in aliens. but then you realize that actually they fixed the virus with the original david and the new android is legit. the only problem is not quite as physically strong.
1:09 not quite as good at swallowing alien embryos and then regurgitating them after they put the new short haired protagonist into cryosleep. gotta get the power cell, y'all. and danny mcbride? i can't remember, i think... you're right, danny mcbride didn't make it to the... well, because they needed two. they needed two hosts now that i think about it. guys, i'm not... i think i need to jump over that crevice over there.
1:58 covenant aged so well. my most like 25 year old take of all time was that like prometheus sucks. it does suck but it sucks in an awesome way. alien covenant sucks exactly the same way. getting older and wiser was was finally learning that these movies that i keep claiming that are bad but i keep watching every time i see them on tv can't possibly be bad or i wouldn't be watching them.
2:25 unfortunately, most of the time ridley scott has the sauce. now could they have been better? yeah, yeah, they both could have been a lot better. i don't think anyone would dispute that. the nickelback theory? just one problem, i ain't listening to nickelback cuz they're not very good. maybe over the half wall? no. there's your problem? i don't know what to tell you, man. i ain't from fort mcmurray. help!
3:19 i need to get to crane control, bro! how's yeti holding up? why don't you ask them yourself? how do you know about fort mcmurray? oh, bro, i'm familiar with canada's oil and gas industry. also, i've seen fubar too, like 25 times. the mac is a harsh mistress. yeti's there. yeti said, help me, help me. yeah, don't worry, yeti. i saw. i saw your message. they're talking! i don't know what to tell you. they're talking.
4:32 alright. nothing really works on this. why did your face look like that? i'm just tired of the gameplay just being like press a button on something all the button doesn't work like now go find the shit that makes the button work like it's
5:04 it's kind of insane. not to mention i know they're gonna make me do that shit while we play fucking hide and seek in a minute. where the hell are we, man? you can't make the jump? was the other one? i guess the other one's one tile, this is two tiles. i don't give a fuck. in parkour civilization, i'd be jumbled for the beef. i'm not going for the weed, because even if you get the weed, you're still in parkour prison, right?
6:05 as i understand it at least. it's not wheat, it's bread. whatever, i've never seen it. i've learned about it secondhand from my daughter. help! help me! oh, this fucker. currently powering crane platform and clamps. okay. alright. apparently that's not what we want to power up.
6:59 and that's... wait, wait. oh yeah, no, that's it right there. okay. crane obv... okay, you know what we need to do? maybe get the console and the clamps going at the same time. i don't think you can do that. that clamp detachment required. yeah, yeah, yeah. so that... me personally, i might do something like power up, i guess like clamps.
7:41 than if you power the clamps. you can't do the console. so i guess i'll be the type of beast who might just start by powering up the door. and i guess we'll see what happens off of that. ever been in this room full of baked potatoes before? i don't think so. on a scale from entertaining bad to boring bad, where does this game fall?
8:27 i mean, i'm going to keep it a buck fifty with you, which is really funny because people keep asking if this is sponsored. and i'm like, listen, listen to the tone of what i'm saying. this is not sponsored. and also, i'm a supermassive like diehard. i played them all. i think this might be the worst. like the one that i previously thought is the worst was little hope. the problems i had with little hope were that like the plot made no sense.
8:52 that is a very minor concern based on what i'm complaining about so far in this one, which is just that you just walk. like the best part of the game, cutscenes, dialogue choices, etc, etc. the second best part is like holding w through tunnels while something chases you. then this is the worst part, which is when they're like, please restore power to the doors.
9:21 like i just do not give a fuck about like restoring power to the doors of the ship so i can do the rest of the story, man.
9:36 like, why are you making it so hard to get to the reason that you play the game, which is to get to the decision making process and the cutscenes? but now we're out here in outer space, the spaceship crashed, instead of like being on an alien planet or something like that, now we're like, oh, i gotta find a power cell to get a... so i can power up the crane console and the crane at the same time, like... i guess i could have read this. no, man.
10:19 gotta power up the clamps and then hack it. power up the clumps. hercules, hercules. remember that? hercules, wait, damn, i never thought about it like that. okay, you're saying power up the crane, hack the console? shit. so you have to use telepathy.
10:59 listen, should i have noticed it earlier? sure. is there really any reason for it? like, is there any... i should be able to move this into the gap. i should be able to move this into the gap, man. yeah, yeah, okay. i know what you want me to do. you want me to power up the console. and then, by pressing the e button on this, we'll make that gap not a gap anymore. and then we can make it, of course.
11:48 am i stupid? is that where i want i don't think that's where i want you, man. drop it on yourself? not a bad idea. that's the wrong walkway. you're saying instead of holding d, i gotta hold a on this piece. nope. well, we got problems then. cause i i know you're gonna say it says w, a, s, d. only the d and the a key work, just so you know. oh, oh no, you can't get to the a oh, i see, we're on the map. okay, that makes a lot more sense.
12:37 we're gonna scrape it along the wall here and then rotate it 180 degrees and moonwalk away. i don't know about all that, man. we out here playing american gladiators. she could have just jumped it, is the other thing. that's a five foot jump. or yet like mantled or something. no, man, you didn't earn it. yippee! like that she knows how, she doesn't even like bend her knees, man.
13:42 you made it. i'll be right over. relax, i'll handle it. what they like a minute ago, they were like don't breathe this. a single spore could eliminate the entire human species. that was before they threatened our stash. yes, story, yes! possibly some qtes and a story.
14:39 holy fucking christ. this has got to be why the scrubbers are damaged. yeah. this shit is all over hydroponics. hey, that shit that you said replicates faster than any matter we've ever seen. yeah, it's made it to the hydroponic slab already. who's there? identify yourself. when it's you? what the f but we don't know which one's the real one. well, time is money. get behind me.
15:47 she crouched? our tv! it's broken! i'm locking him. well he's definitely dead. they put him inside of like a slot machine or something and then pulled the handle.
16:32 how are we gonna know? how are we gonna know which one's which, man? i think his clone is cooler. i think we should let the clones take over, man. they can probably engineer our way out of this situation. you okay, coop? i like cernan too. he's like the coolest one on the ship. not saying much. bro, move. and don't look behind you and it can't hurt you. what the fuck?
18:02 what's a looney tunes bullet? oh shit. and the fuckers teleport. don't even follow the logic of the game! and i can't even vault! pack some shit too. go for it, man. i'm dying. what does he give a fuck? where did he go, man? he fucking became part of the ground. motherfucker. hardly seems fair. he's going to the tp spot.
19:29 they're literally nature's profit, man. it's so crazy. that is how it feels holding long with the opposite. then youtube will demonetize based on the thumbnail. they'll be like, oh, violence. you can't put someone's exploded head in the thumbnail. ok, buddy. what was that? i thought this was a free country. can i say something? this is how a lot of people be active these days.
20:27 lot of people online especially lost their damn minds. they're literally putting him in medbay to scan him. apollo, are you here? don't trust him. what were you talking about? the growth. it's alive. it can change shape. yeah, we've covered that by committee like 20 times. what the hell are you talking about?
21:00 he's trying to get us waxed out here. mission statement, core values, synergy. okay, but it's literally him. none of the none of the other aliens have even talked!
21:33 they don't do a convincing job of imitating the crew! not yet. it's not my time. of course i'm not gonna shoot him, i stand down! ceo lamarcus williams. sedative detected in blood stream. recommend medical treatment. his o2 is at 68 though. he's not thinking straight right now. get me out of here! now!
22:11 you don't have to release him just because he's a human being. there's bad people too. it was fucking one of his.
22:42 okay, calm down. yes, it was me. i was concerned about your loyalty to this mission. oh my god. you tried to kill me. no, i sedated you and it might well have saved your life. you're out of control. she has to be dealt with. you did what? she clearly had reasons for what she did or she wouldn't have done it. thank you. i don't believe this. oh, she gave you a diazepam. that's what my mom takes when she goes on a flight.
23:15 source?
23:38 they're in the damn walls. i don't know why they keep acting like it's hard to identify the aliens, man. fucking look at them! look at them! fucking don't ever imitate, bro! look at this is a way scarier form than just kind of shambling around as a middle aged astronaut. oxygen levels dropping. oxygen recovery and stabilization required.
24:10 present time. oh, this is where she died. i remember. or did she die? or did she fight her way out? or was she infected at that moment because she got scratched on her cheek?
24:53 your choices matter. they take two chapters off and then it was like, oh, she made it. young. am i glad i found you. young. how do we know it's really you? come on. come on, man. i don't trust anyone right now. the scanner is the only way to be sure. get away from me. cooper, thank god. we thought you had away. cooper, it's me. cooper.
25:32 koopa, it's a meme. well then we got a fucking problem. that's like toddler logic. she's gone damn hypoxic, man.
26:21 i'll chip chip chip. if you're all who you say you are, the scanner will let you through. what about you? i don't know what would make me mad or now everybody obviously just walking through because they're all humans or them trying to do some shit like no, actually one of them has been an alien the whole time, which just does not seem like it would make any sense at all. that's andrew dingus. your turn. yeah. i mean, like, calm the fuck down.
27:25 i'll be walking through this thing with my nuts out, man. i am who i say i am. well, it was fucking one of your okay, it literally if it's anybody though, it would be the ceo. because the ceo is the only alien that we've ever seen talking as if they're not an alien. the ceo has gone, cernan. cernan! damn.
28:17 this is nuts. you already scanned me. he was cleared at med bay. move. oh shit. weapons hot? she's gonna feel real silly when she finds out the alien just copies your dna. i know who i am. so prove it. wait, wait, wait. but she might... what the hell? cooper, i was worried you were over here. oh shit. oh shit. wait, no, this is awesome. put him in the scanner. not one goddamn step. think very carefully, cooper. cooper, please.
29:12 it's me. she's lying. no, just skate where the scanner test test. prove you're real order. go through the scan. go through the scanner. both of you get your asses through the scanner now. maybe like one at a time. that's what you want. no, get away from her. lz slain. i would shoot the other one personally.
30:04 no, it's bald it's bald and it hates people with hair no, wait, don't you want to scan it though? do you think it's gone and how maybe it's figured out it can't get through the door can i say as an alien you can't have a 1.0 kdr fuck. oh
31:05 you're literally op. you're like 8 foot tall, muscular, self replicating, healing factor. you can impersonate crew members. like you can't be just getting one and then... like you can't be trading one for one. they're feeding. hell, that's a greg oden. i still think they were right to take oden over duran. because duran could... i mean he's going to the hall of fame, but oden is really tall, okay?
31:43 what the hell was that anyway, did you see what happened to eisley? yeah, man, was it it was it was like a thing fucking posing is them. yeah, dude. have you been? the growth it's like we said it's adapting its molecular makeup. yeah, it's duplicating us. yeah. well, that's why we've been that's why we've been suspicious of each other
32:12 that's why we've been suspicious. isn't that why we've been suspicious of it? this creature is remarkable. the perfect replicator. if only it didn't want to kill us, it could change our whole understanding of life as we know it. let alone the science. just think what it could mean if humanity could harness the power of something like this. oh shit, he's not having a good day, man. oh,
32:54 this is worse than when he thought he was going to get evicted so he held his own funeral. we're gonna get whacked out here! this shit is fucking looney tunes, man. by the way, this is the supermassive version of like a room that has a bunch of like potions and ammo in it and shit like that. like this is the room right before the final boss.
33:26 whatever this thing is, it doesn't conform to any known science. there is no way any organism we know could adapt itself so quickly, let alone copy another life form with such precision. yeah, man. i don't understand. i would have been on the news, i think. what reason does it have to copy us? that goes beyond biological imperative. well, that implies a level of intelligence greater than i imagined.
33:58 these mimics... they're like the organism's defense mechanism. like white blood cells or antibodies. they identify a hostile presence and duplicate it to get close to their enemy without being noticed. then they kill it. that explains why they crashed the ship. they want us dead. we're further away from home than any human has ever been. this is their home, and we're trespassing.
34:36 okay, now we have some motive. it's not just that we randomly got hit by a meteorite in outer space. we got too close to this planet that they live on and the meteorite was like the first part of their immune system. you know what? i actually accept that as making a lot more sense in a lot of directions they could have gone in. yeah, they hit us with the anti air, exactly. this is the second nightmare i've woken up to today. what's next?
35:08 maybe i'll wake up in hell or maybe one of you will knock me out again. do me a favor. someone's always gonna bite my penis off of my fucking body. some kind of demon's gonna bite my cock and balls off of my body so when i look down i got nothing there except a bloody hole. what's next? i'm gonna wake up in fucking hell or something? our pet's heads are falling off! long ass hallway, man. this can only go one way.
35:54 so she's gonna be having like a... like an agira wrath of man type situation here. yeah.
36:30 tell me we're going home. fuck! just tell me something. tell me something good! yeah, that's what i thought. i'd say that didn't go well. what the hell are we gonna do? there's no way we can leave this area. do we even have enough food to hold out? forget food. the andromeda is six months away.
37:09 some food would help bridge the gap there, to be honest. oh shit, it's a fucking arby's bro! it's an imperial probe droid. stirs robot.
38:06 mother fucker man 20 landing probes each with their own drone recon unit and long range ftl transmitter it is pretty incredible our planned orbit was to fly over each probe individually and collect data but even so the chances of us crash landing within range of one is frankly it's a bit of a miracle well, thank god for that
38:31 we're in need of a miracle right now. he almost got whacked. oh shit, they really are gonna science the shit out of this.
39:01 everything's fine. come pull up. everything's fine. please don't tell me some red tape is gonna stop us getting home this ship is infected with an alien organism for all we know it could be in our own blood streams by now directive 8020 states the earth must be protected from extraterrestrial matter carried by a spacecraft returning from another planet if the andromeda rescues us we expose its crew to contamination we could take it back to earth
39:32 what the hell are you suggesting? we either send out a distress signal or we send out a warning. we tell the andromeda to leave us here. we can't let them land. we have to make the sacrifice. i agree. it's the right thing to do. directive 8020 doesn't stop us from going back into orbit. i have faith in earth's quarantine procedures. you weren't alive in the 21st century, lady. isn't that why we're here in the first place? please think about what you're doing.
40:19 she's thinking about lunch. we gotta send a warning, man. absolutely. can i also say something? i feel like they made the obvious choice even more obvious, because the only person whose family life we really knew about got his shin bitten off like three minutes into the damn game. i think you do like we don't really know any connection that anybody else here has with earth. cernian has a dead spouse.
40:52 everybody else, we never learned anything about. one of them was in the marines. we can't risk endangering the andromeda, let alone earth. we should tell them to avoid this planet. we'll send a warning to the andromeda. it's all on you now. r2 d2 ass. you know when he gets shocked by something and he goes, wow! end of episode six, hostile takeover. i mean, if this goes to chapter eight,
41:52 i think we should just play through the rest of it on stream today so that i, because i know myself i'm not going to be excited to load up the last two chapters of a game that i am not really enjoying that much tomorrow. but i think it would make the most sense if we just took like an extra 45 minutes or an hour, hour and a half and just did it right now.