They even got Sims in this (Directive 8020)

Name: They even got Sims in this (Directive 8020)
Uploaded: 2026-05-16
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "They even got Sims in this (Directive 8020)" (Directive 8020) — 81 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-05-16Directive 8020

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0:02 what's up y'all? just a video. he's like, oh fuck. i'm one day away from retirement, i'm about to get... human resourced. she's dressed... simmons here, she's dressed normally. shortly after that, she's dressed kinda evil.
0:48 do you think it's odd? i'm only the captain.
1:21 must have been the wind. if you need me, i'll be at the tree.
1:39 you're welcome, og. stop coming up with problems. stop coming up with things that can get in the way of our mission. i want a full report. yeah, i want a full report. something doesn't sit right. i want a full report. something doesn't sit right with me.
2:14 if i wanted you to sit right, i'd get you a herman miller. i'll speak to them. don't worry. i just think it's worth getting in touch with them. unfortunately, we have a contract with dx racer. i'll need all hands on deck for the detachment. especially my second in command. do you mind if i speak to carter and sims? i'll talk to them. trust me. screw it. pumps are clear, so you should be good for the burn. unless she's hiding more surprises up her sleeve.
2:53 we've run three test cycles now and we're reading nominal in all lines. good work we're still experiencing shorts in the lighting and surveillance systems any ta on effects? carter up in them guts my man fucking hoes you sorry i got oh, do you see the leafs won the fucking draft lottery again? oh
3:23 sorry, commander. there's just too much interference down there. never mind. just make sure he's well clear of there before we engage the breaking burn. take care, sams. she'd be up. she's dead. dumpass alien didn't realize that when the human body does that, it kills us. we're on the checklist. the booster ring isn't designed for close orbit. to ensure its integrity, we're releasing it into a safer orbit around the planet well outside the atmosphere.
4:01 planet perpetron. once the cassiopeia is in orbit around tau ceti f, we'll wake the science crew and begin the planetary survey for the landing team on the andromeda. manual detach sequence set. confirmed. sequence is primed. on my mark. five, four, three, two, one. i love hard sci fi. it's a thing of beauty. we should have visual on tau ceti f now. let's get her up on screen.
4:53 meningitis to my boy, man. if only dad could have seen this. i know. unfortunately, heaven doesn't have a telescope. hey, maybe we should land this thing. take a little walk before the andromeda gets here. not this again. look, i get it. not enough fuel to land and get home. i'm just saying it's about legacy. this isn't about fortune and glory. it's about power. we were chosen to clear a path for history to be made. think about that.
5:33 we trained together, we launched together. we planed together, we rocketed together. and we return together. it's not about what we do here, it's about what we learn. data we gather, forge the way for the next great leap in human progress. okay, he's good. best of the best. erin sorkin asks, captain? there are anomalous issues regarding the sleep crew. i'm going to perform a search of their quarters. after that, she should perform a search of their holes.
6:18 but something is not right. the marcus williams. don't have time to stand around. yeah, yeah. it's done before stafford has my head. isn't there something about space travel where it costs like a million dollars per ounce to like, i'm just asking because there's a statue of like solid granite. see the xo? to me xo is a sauce you put on fried rice okay? that's my way of saying i don't know what that means.
7:02 we're still chill. the thing is hollow and full of wine? you sound like olenna tyrell. happy wake up day! i can't get into the door! happy wake up day!
7:52 no, open it up please. i'd like to see more. oh, that's because i have to divert the motherfucking power or something. search the upper age. door is sparking up, man. come on. you can just type exactly what i need to do.
8:31 hack it by the window. it's that simple lock down lifted lock down in effect. well, that'll keep the aliens from getting into the room. it's that simple well, at least they made the wake up cake ralston happy wake up day. i know this cake bottom layer thick cookie
8:52 base. middle layer, chocolate crumbs, top layer, oh delicious dq soft serve. oh man. and every bite you're like this layer is my favorite. then you take the next bite and you're like wait maybe this layer is my favorite. cassiopeia cash crisis. can you put a price tag on our future? the resounding answer from governments around the world is no. this is science fiction man. holy cow.
9:25 i thought right click was zoom. not bad y'all. oh shit. 1 3 5 7 6 1 3 5 7 6. no shod. lamarcus is peter wayland did his ass right onto the ship. 1 3 5 7 6. i did catch her event thing.
10:15 it's a revolution in video gaming. you don't open the door via the door anymore. you open it by a terminal on the side. you open it via an app. yeah, bro. you don't have a phone? just get the app, bro. it's on the app.
10:47 oh yeah, when your power goes out, we just... the door just shoots flames out of it. but like, that only happens. like, either in a situation where a software update goes bad, or if you ever lost power or wi fi connection for whatever reason. a secret handshake? root complex. hang on. i've learned. i've learned how to handle it.
11:36 it started a vlog channel while we were asleep, man. this is like when prank vs prank announced that they were breaking up.
12:05 so did carter die? well, in a manner of speaking. let's just say like his body might be making another appearance. oh shit. with haste, man. awarded for exceptional bravery to bill young.
12:37 just put that back on the ground where it belongs. they'll give those to just about anybody. more like bill olds. i think he's bill dead, man! yep. keycode required. keycodes can be found in the nearby area. yeah, nearby like, uh, like my brain. i'd like to... enter 13576, please. that's me! bro brought his own book.
13:36 i would die a hundred times if it meant humanity could survive. he's got his own quote on the back, man. a must read for those who say it's too late for humanity. as lamarcus would say, not today! words to live by, not today. when he said not today, i clapped and cheered. of course he would have a podcast. bro, have you seen the lamarcus williams episode with mishima yet? they got i'm not one of those guys. i'm not like a politics guy, but they had some really interesting stuff. just stuff to think about, you know?
14:25 revived mishima. we've recreated mishima in the aggregate through the use of several large language modules. that's how the wi fi be looking in the cafe. a door that opened by itself? wait, new conversation mentioned. new conversation mentioned.
15:06 eisley, come in. you're needed in the cockpit. where are you? i'm down in tech quarters. the place is a mess. anything else out of the u this guy does not give a fuck, man! there's a hole in the ship. there's shit flying around all over the place. there's two people that we haven't been able to get eyes on yet that are doing shady shit. and he's like, is there anything wrong? other than that, no. ah, don't worry. when everything's unusual, the unusual is normal. we'll figure it out. look at my captain, bro. we're fucked. nonchalant ass.
15:42 he's been coaxed into a snafu. oh shit, not this. it's like mr beast, man. they fucking blew up. they got the biggest channel on the whole ship. mr beast gets me every time. and the damn chessboard got flipped, man! sorry, y'all. i'm searching the crew quarters. i mean, it's not too bad. bro's got like 10 days off in the middle.
16:45 yeah, gooalien doesn't know how to solve a win endgame. keycode required. okay. the password... excuse me, i got trapped by a damn pillow. the password is his daughter's birthday. it's a hell of a puzzle, bro. august 28th. that's a security fail? well, yeah, but who's gonna hack his shit on the ship, you know? like an alien? there's only six other motherfuckers here.
17:35 sorry, you don't need to type 0828. i can figure this one out for myself. i might need you later when i get stuck at a closed door that requires clicking a button to open. real shit like this? no problem. also, i just want to say something. i think the alien is making an error. like it just crashed onto the ship. i wouldn't be out there trying to like murder them. at least be trying to eat something first. maybe get a couple of free meals. not just going out here trying to figure out how to kill everybody on the spaceship.
18:24 still in engineering, huh? wait, new conversation? i have some questions, can you report in? carter, i've been trying to get through to you. where are you? up to my arms in fixes at the moment. i'll report back soon. what fixes? in the guts. trust me, lots of... if these walls could talk, man. have you conducted flight checks for orbit? damn, hi to you too, isley. what the... i mean, she is being real nosy. haven't heard from you for a while. has something come up?
19:03 stafford mentioned you were working on the antenna updates. yes, almost finished with them. that's great. except there aren't any antenna updates. oh, shi oh, shit! the alien is like, what the oh, fuck! what the fuck! she's gonna call me so we're gonna hit the emergency meeting, buddy, and she's gonna call me sus. and that's how you know, but then probably all the other people are gonna be like,
19:36 maybe she is sus. they're gonna vote me out. just gearing up for orbit. i wanted to say thank you for your thank you for handling the wake up. you handled it really smoothly. i accept your compliment. it's nice to wake up to a friendly face. we appreciate it, smiley face. i'm glad. no smiley face. neurotypical ass. it's been one minute of gameplay time for time to check my discord. we approached the marker in less than an hour. i've just been catching up with stafford.
20:17 i must insist. i'm all business. come on, we've been asleep for four years, then you shouldn't have much to catch up on. you're really one of a kind, aren't you? don't you hate it? it says we have a new message. i can't figure out who the message is from. it's probably from parking pay by phone telling me like my car is about to get towed or some shit like that. fuck phantom message, bro. oh shit. watching our own video. that's how you know it's good!
21:17 i'll have you gardening with me in hydroponics, don't you worry. this is how i imagine people are tweaking out when i make a misplay in slay the spire. when i play talk to the hand last after playing all my attacks. reconfiguration in progress. stand by. they're doing the... you know what i'm talking about? nikki. yep. follow sims. but also don't get caught. i thought you might not make it. what?
22:02 she's in the halls like taylor. this is how i've been walking lately trying to teach my daughter how to ride her bike.
22:25 we manage and monitor the main crew sleep pods while in transit. i like playing mom and dad. guards are nice, no jail. that's not a joke, it's just like my back kind of hurts. with the toe walking at the same time, yes. it's double the stress on the body. how you walk when you're out of tp? yes sir. now you're talking like melody from house.
23:08 damn, she moving different. tank controls, just like... got a hell of a hip swivel. they're gonna say some shit there are, like, there are two life forms in the room. a computer! run the diagnostic again! there are two life forms in the room. this stupid astronaut thought they could get away with sneaking up on an alien. it's a sunshine moment.
23:56 i'm gonna restore power to the fire control systems. mogged. what the fuck? just fast as fuck, man. wait, i do have to go down there. we'll say... we'll say... not to damn the game like an hour and a half in or however long in we are right now. awful lotta just following people thus far.
24:47 i started with half an hour of complaining that people drink water these days. what's wrong sims? what's wrong sims? talk to me. warning, airlock locking clamps released. all personnel, clear fuel junction four. run. but don't do this, i don't know. don't do this.
25:31 hold your breath. escape through the vents. hang on, check my messages real quick. i got a new, uh, when they've opened the vents on fuel junction 4, but i have a new message? oh, i have a push notification, no.
26:11 confirming order to shield airlock, sir. wait, what if she's in here though? or what if... what if the canadian's in here? wi fi's pretty bad down here in the vents. time to get gas lit.
26:55 i know my ass is showing up to the cockpit and they're gonna be like, why did you try to kill sims? that was me bro. i'm the blockage. i gotta have a serious conversation with her because that was not okay, man. that's not the type of things that friends do for one another or to one another. oh shit, someone drank my power ape.
28:17 can a guy get a little privacy? mom found the blood boy! best laid plans. they're all named after like slay the spire regent powers. little star, best laid plans. that's a silent card. oh whatever.
29:19 22 hours later, the bone temple. yeah, i'd say he's got pants. he's even got a shirt on by the looks of it. synergy... maximizing... effectiveness... cutting the fat... open the door. no? how do i know it's you? how do i know it's you? don't be ridiculous, zernan. go away. go away. there's a solution to everything, right? shit! oh.
30:20 you just kind of shove it in the port. fair enough, man. we need you to sign sherry's birthday card. have you signed sherry's birthday card yet? pretty curious. looks like a lot of interesting stuff has happened in the 22 hours we didn't get to see, man. i've been thinking about that story you told me. boy who always wanted hide and seek. walking calmly up and down the road. are you calm now, sir?
31:18 i'm starting to think that myself to be honest. you know, where's the fella? the fella's en route. this is not a drill. can you even fight them? my guess is that if you make a mistake, you can probably get caught once
32:10 and maybe get like a little bit of an injury or something like that. but if you get caught twice, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble. the kind of trouble that gets you dead. okay, but i need to open the... i need to get in there to open the door to restore power to the other door. i can't get in here because this door doesn't have any power. wait, i have an idea. he's just gonna walk back and forth, which i think is awesome.
32:58 i'm gonna open this and then vault over climbable ledges, of course. i could have told you that. bro is still podcasting.
33:33 to move forwards, we have to look at where we are. sometimes the reality is ugly. he's given a little bit of like mark ruffalo in mickey 17. mickey 6 7, i meant to say. it's always interesting to me, not to be the world's most evil gamer, it's always interesting to me with these games that are movies trying to do to reassert that they're games. always like it's not a movie. it has gameplay. what's the gameplay?
34:25 pressing the e button over and over to follow like translucent lines on the ground to restore power to a door so you can get to the next part of the movie. i don't know where i'm going man. maybe maybe it's event number two? a new objective sneak to the controller. well fucking don't open that thing up man. ah shit!
35:42 like i'd be so much happier if we were just in a cutscene right now. look at that. we've made it. not today, boss. stunning escaped williams without being caught. present time. present time! fucking set it to re give him give him two liters of water, stat. he's not looking so good. stafford's worried about you.
36:50 we found carter's body. can you give us any information on what's happened? please, they deserve to know what's happened. she's gonna say some shit like, sorry, just saw this. lol, i was on do not disturb. anyway, can you come into the office tomorrow?
37:22 this don't feel right, man. can we just put them in an airtight bag and then put them in minus 270 degrees celsius temperature and then turn them into ground coffee or whatever? yeah, that's pretty bad. least inappropriate.
38:08 least inappropriate reaction to this been a hole punch man. it does. oh shit. i said god help me. i said god help me. to the abdominal region looks different to the rest of the wings. could be the cause of death. astute. shit. broken arm. what happened there? is missing shame they aren't chipped. no way of tracking it.
38:49 we tried nothing and we're all out of ideas. bro turned off his body cam. yeah, yeah, he's missing half his face. what the fuck? he's got a he's got a damn python in there! can he walk? yeah, sure man.
39:33 what are we gonna do? we need to find sims. we need an autopsy. we should wake dr. cooper. we don't have time. we're almost at okay, wake up everybody! somebody's blowing people's limbs off! how could i have gotten her so wrong? people change. a lot can happen in four years. they really had no red flags during training? they both passed the trials with flying colors. red flags can also fly. we'll find her. you can count on that.
40:11 let's get this pod sealed and file a report. i know there's some major shit going down right now, but we're real tight on that mission marker. we gotta get into orbit, commander. on our way, son. he's gotta ponder the tree a little bit. you go ahead. i'll be right behind you. please like salute or some shit like that. that's a saluting face. yeah, oh, i really thought i clocked it. when i do, you will face the consequences of your actions.
40:55 ro said you're gonna regret that. we don't take kindly to eating crew members around here. i know she's scared, man. damn, even the computer is an alien now. scary ass machine. hey, nalu, thank you for the gifted subscriptions. thank you. yes, commander. good. how long have we got? orbital window closing rapidly, commander. i have vector control. you're on main engines.
41:41 bro, the whole ship is orbital windows. you got two fucking holes? they don't care about the holes in the ship! let's do... just imagine... open your mind's eye and picture the body of thomas carter. this is what he would have wanted when he was being absolutely eviscerated by some kind of extraterrestrial force.
42:14 this is what he signed up for. from madden, i put the ship on my back. oh shit! pippa sims! one of the most hard hitting safeties on the ship!
42:46 stellar objects we're on a full scan when we're stable don't worry about it prepare for breaking burn final checks please guidance go orientation go thrust go. let's send it a man firing in five four three two greg jamings
43:13 vector stable. approaching orbital trajectory. disengage burn in 3, 2, 1... shit looked like superman 64. mitchell, cut the burn. orbital velocity decreasing. mitchell... they're saying we don't have enough loyalty tokens, commander. cut the burn! just wait a minute! we've lost orbital velocity. we need to recalibrate right now or we're hitting that planet! i'm locked out! is your pNL connected? i don't know. the engine's not responding.
43:48 he's right. it's mechanical. i can't cut the engines either. don't worry about it, guys. do it for carter! did you cut the engines? no. the fuel tank bottomed out. we are 30 seconds from atmosphere. impact velocity? survivable. but it depends on atmospheric depth. then don't worry about it. jan, bring us round for a landing. starting aerobrake. i'm gonna fly it in with the rcs. that can't be the right angle, man.
44:27 rcs reserves are 82%. get ready to dump it into the retchers. ready. kind of crazy to think this is what it was like onboard the artemis ii. wait. the landing computer's offline. we're going in blind! 40 clicks to impact. i can bring the landing computer online manually. ah, but what's the point? it's too dangerous. commander, we need that computer online. you can fix it. if you go now. we can't risk going in dark. do it!
44:59 i'm going in. 20 clicks to impact. stop it. non shavon ass. reboot computer. the backup computer's disabled. we shut it down to repower the ship. get back to your seat. you just told me to go. he's been tossed like a salad. seven clicks. fuck! i can't take jack shit.
45:43 stand by for retro. i got it. step it. one kilometer. hey mike, i think she told me to go. she said you could do it if you go now. then bro went to do the computer and she's like, oh yeah, i turned it off. get back in your seat. joseph cernan. we shouldn't have to worry about this because the bro is alive right now. he looks like the fella from it follows. cooper. hold still. i'm almost done.
46:37 what's going on? what's going on? where's the rest of the crew? we're not sure what's going on yet. right now i need you to stay calm so i can complete the wake up process. they're just pressing a damn button. just click on all the images that have traffic lights or some shit, like chill out. we got gravity. where are the sleep technicians? they're not able to help at the moment. karr is dead. what? this pod must have malfunctioned. what happened to him?
47:18 we don't know. he's mangled. poor carter. we can't get a line through to the oracle or the rest of the crew. we don't know what's going on. may he have no suffering. form is no other than emptiness. emptiness no other than form. may he have no suffering. oh she's like god damn it. no man.
47:53 where you see the dude, the dude's mangled corpse and then the guy goes, well, must have been god's plan. you're, oh, fuck! the messenger is down. i can't connect to comus. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i didn't notice that his fucking, his tank top. oh man, the fit is crazy. the fit is so awesome. where are you going?
48:30 where are you going, man? where are you going? that's awesome. oh. okay, sorry, i'm just trying to help. okay, but one of us is gonna have to change.
49:12 okay, bro is a spirit by now man. you really want to wake the boss up to this nightmare? it's not safe to leave him under in an emergency. i'll wake him. his blood stabilizer is not responding. we need to get him through wake up immediately release the emergency lock on the back next to the hinge left side i'm gonna give him a quick pulse to wake him get ready to oh shit cernan hold him down. his hrv is dipped. oh
49:55 it's 200cc of peptide, stat! he's hemorrhaging. he's fine! his body's just reacting to the heavy dose. well that's some reaction. better nosebleed now than an aneurysm later. i've heard that. we need to override those breed seals. we could get through with some wedge tools, right? right. tool stores behind that bulkhead over there. though there should be the maintenance tunnel.
50:31 come with me. if we break that breach seal, we can regroup with the crew and find out what happened here. assuming they're still alive. well, i hope you've got your pilot's license because if you're right, you're flying us home. oh, it's heartbreaking. monitor him closely and holler if you need me. they don't know the ship looks like a brick of swiss cheese right now. guess it's just you and me now. override eight chapters? override the breach seals? feel like chris evans in sunshine. you okay back there, anders? fine.
51:09 he better go down here and go like, oh my god, it's cold. it's cold in here. you just woke up keep moving when you're hot you're hot man, you think williams is going to pull through fuck that you think carter's gonna pull through?
51:36 what is the fit? it is so good. you used to crawl through shit for fun? you eat pieces of shit for breakfast? yeah.
52:10 it didn't need to be this long. i don't want to nitpick, but there's an awful lot of just holding w through tunnels in this game. could be a disguise loading screen. damn! okay, her stance is kind of crazy though. she's taking big steps. do you even lift, bro?
52:48 any day now. damn, she's kind of frame mogging me too. override the breach seals to gain access to tool storage. with the toes out and everything? bro, i'm not sleeping in cryo sleep in shoes, okay? it's gonna compromise my rem cycle. i've got a tiny butt. can i just i'm not i'm not trying to be an asshole.
53:56 it's got a way smaller butt than i expected. that is a hank hill ass. can't open my message terminal. hey guys, we gotta override the breach seals to gain access to tool storage. maybe something like that. okay, yeah, meaningful choices. memorable gameplay. you know what? let's see where this goes.
54:44 it reminds me of my husband, mikhail. he passed, didn't he? sometimes. a while ago now. but we made a promise to each other before he died. he promised he'd find me again. if i would keep giving him little kisses. i would keep giving him little kisses from time to time. i promised to honor him by living a life that he can be proud of. he's watching over you, i bet. mikhail was so sure he was going to be reborn. so excited to know what lay beyond. he was at peace at the end.
55:31 i take a lot of comfort from that. frankly, cernan, i could use some of his optimism. well, unfortunately he died, so we don't have it. come on, we better get back to the others. first thought, oh glad that's over. kind of an awkward ass conversation to have with a co worker. we're really only friends from work. hey, mom, just had dinner.
56:09 i know space food has come a long way, but no amount of salt can make cloned meat powder compared to your cooking. i'd kill for some mansoor dahl right now. would you? we're pretty close to sita's. if i see her eating some masoor dahl, i'm gonna know what happened to cooper. i spent almost two hours waiting on a reply. i thought they'd be excited to hear from someone else, but they're obviously far too busy. oh, speak of the devil.
56:41 video corrupted man great to hear your voice cassiopeia. how you doing out there breaking records? so neat idea, but we'll have to pass on that remote chess game earth wants us to keep this frequency clear okay, you'll also win. you know how to use that. i know how to bonk you on the oh shit dumb questions the ghost they got dead by daylight in this man yippee
57:25 the pod no don't open it up! there's that guy! that guy in there is talking about how he lives three days every day. huge.