I said what I said man (Slay the Spire 2)
Northernlion2026-07-11Slay the Spire 2
71 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.
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0:00
if that's fishing, you can call me the bait. pathwise, pathwise, let me take this path. something like that. that's the worst starter relic. i don't go on the subreddit, ergo the subreddit can't hurt me. their takes on what relics are highest ev and lowest ev can't affect me. it's gonna be taunt by a mile. enjoy your upgraded strikes. well, the first one's literally gonna hit taunt. that much is guaranteed. why? i got a good feeling about it.
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1:05
ooh, or i would settle for flame barrier. flame barrier wouldn't bother me that much. i could live with flame barrier, man. how can free upgrades be bad? they're gonna spin you a fucking yarn about like opportunity cost or something like that and you live i'm stupid, i could have just killed you instead but um it is your obligation as a giga chad to steal their lunch money.
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1:46
they're literally gonna say something like you have to evaluate it against its counterfactuals. oh motherfucker. they're gonna say it's not that it's bad versus nothing, it's that it's bad versus the the alternatives that were presented. and then you're gonna have to go okay buddy, hand it over. hey defend, that's not too bad. molten fist and tremble. go molten fist first. molten fist first. cut a strike.
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2:34
we're fighting the lagavulin matriarch, but they're gonna be very, very vulnerable. and then you're gonna say, why'd you say it like that? and i'm gonna say, like what? and then you're gonna say, like that. and then i'm gonna say, can you be specific? and then i'm gonna force you to say, like the grandma when she gets horny in the nutty professor 2. she does say it like, she says, got me feeling vulnerable. you remember that? sorry, i forgot, you guys don't watch movies unless they're on youtube shorts.
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3:14
it's my bad on that one. no man, i'm not 40. wrong, you're not 40 yet. this run is cooked, man. he still might not be. statistically speaking, you got a really good chance of making it. i know guys who literally don't ride a motorcycle or skydive or anything love to say, i'm not sure i'm gonna make it there. but statistically speaking, bro, let me put it this way, i'll take the over.
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4:00
60, you never know. 60 could be a bit of a crapshoot, i feel. but 40? yeah, yeah, i think you're gonna make it. i was talking about this this weekend. at 38, are you gonna say i'm 40? because i did. 24 is 35. 35, 24, okay, listen. you're older than me because you're 40, so i have to respect this a little bit. but 24, maybe you meant the right 34 is 35. because 24 is obviously not 35.
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4:35
35 is 35, 36 is 36, but 38 is 40. 42 is 40, but 43 is 45. i see no errors with that. yeah, i mean we've talked about this many times before. in fact, i think we've taken it one step further. we've said some stuff like being 32 is literally being younger than being 29 in the manner of how old you feel.
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5:06
because you compare yourself to the peer group that you're in. and if you're like the oldest dude in your friend group and you're 29, you feel old as dirt. but if you're 32, you're like, oh my 30s just started. i'm just gonna level with you guys. this run is actually dead. we should stop wasting our time and restart this one. because that one is absolutely cooked. what do you got for me? molten fist and a yuggling. i do like a molten fist early on. it doesn't really do anything for us, but...
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5:53
i'm 42, my friend group is all 29, just kill me now? but how did that... that's literally fine. i don't think there's anything problematic about having 29 year old friends when you're 42 or whatever. but like, you did that, right? how did that happen? because i don't know, most of the people that i am friends with irl now, i met... are they all my girlfriend's friends? wait, you're baiting.
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6:25
you're baiting. or yeah, you could be a grad student or something like that. or it could that's true, it could be a final fantasy xiv type of thing. could be a final fantasy xiv raid group sort of thing going on, i could see that. he's very curious though, got me feeling a little vulnerable. you know what, i mean, i'm a simple man. we cut a basic strike. do it. huge. 6 max hp? get fucked, buddy. that's a lot.
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7:13
i'm only 29, 29 is young. yeah, yeah, i know. but like you guys, not to like divide us, but you guys love to say stuff like, i'm almost 30, as if like 30 is old. you guys love to do shit like that. my life's over. i'm 29. my life's over, bro. your life was over the second it started. okay, like that's the deal. you get that, right?
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7:42
your life was over when you were a second old. your life is over when you're one second away from dying. your life's been over the whole time. okay? so nothing has changed. you will literally spend your entire life being older than you are now. you realize that, right? you'll spend your entire life being older than you are in this very instant. 100%, the totality of your remaining existence you will spend older than you are right now. that's why you need to go to bed earlier.
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8:14
okay, obviously we need a multi hitter because we're going up against the bantam. it's that simple. honestly, i think we need this to make the bantam a little easier. i have a hard time imagining a juggling will ever be worth anything for us. sure, sure. this one's gonna sting now. it's gonna have to be, it's gonna have to be defend strike sword boomerang. colossus goes crazy here.
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9:45
colossus goes crazy here? and then a tarasundr might finish the job, bro. that wasn't that bad. you know what? let's go all in on the sword boomerangs. why not? wmoltinfist in chat. this game copied midnight suns. this is the second message about midnight suns you've added in the chat so far, which is every once in a while, i don't know, anyone else? can we get all the partner streamers to out themselves? i promise this isn't a trick. we're not going to corral you all and then
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10:26
beat your shit off with socks full of nickels. but every once in a while you'll encounter a chatter who is dedicated at least a chunk of their day to trying to get a bit across the line that was just doomed from conception. just for some reason they're... i don't want to say obsessed. obsessed is taking it a step too far. yes, like you saying you will rot in hell for your fairy toast slander. i saw you post that in pre chat and i was like it's an interesting thing to
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10:57
start chumming the waters a little bit with some scandal bait from like months ago, but then to bring it back like an hour and 25 minutes later it's that it says something about the reader the commitment to the bit or the writer i should say i've been saying it for a straight year you and just been man you and just been you know what just hit this one. yeah take the good with the bad
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11:29
meet with my evil shane dawson bit. okay, but your evil shane dawson bit is literally funny. evil shane dawson be like, i got that dog in me. that's actually good. and then surely that finishes the job. getting our shit beaten off though. no doubt about that. joey chestnut's got a few dogs in him. you know what's crazy is reading, someone posted about a competitive eater in the discord this weekend.
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12:19
i went to their like major league eating profile because it's just like it's a unique sport and i actually i have to admire it as a sport because like genuinely what makes it not a sport? they have to train. they're doing things to their body that the average person basically is it's inconceivable. like they have to go through. it's obviously a sport whether you consider it valid or not like it's a sport
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12:47
um, but the hot dogs or whatever, because at this point i've become desensitized to like a guy eating 70 hot dogs. now to me that's normal weirdly enough. like if a guy ate 30 hot dogs or something like that in 10 minutes, i'd be like big whoop, that's not even close. even if it is 10 times more than i've ever eaten in the same time period. but i love reading the other records that a competitive eater has to eat to like sustain their career as a competitive eater in between the huge contests.
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13:16
because there was one dude that they were linking and he's like, okay, he's participating in nathan's famous hot dog eating contest. but then also at one point last year he ate 14 pounds of chocolate fudge in 10 minutes. i don't know like pound for pound how that compares to the hot dogs, but just the statement 14 pounds of fudge in 10 minutes is unbelievable. because after like two pieces of fudge you're like, it's a little, i'm
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13:45
starting to feel my tummy hurt a little bit man. yeah, nathan's famous is a it's a g1. it's a g1 for sure i think we need something like i mean a second molten fist is the meme but we don't have the the payoffs yet we need something that actually like gets kills they're all good but i think an uppercut would hit the spot man you being vulnerable forever is big just so we can play that and then you know what double it give it to the next guy no blocks in this cruel bitch of a life
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15:04
why are you posting about rat meat? what's going on with the rat meat? is there a competitive rat eating competition i'm not familiar with? ohio fact, harry m stevens from ohio gave america its first hot dog in 1900. yum, yum, yum, thank you ohio man 420, thank you. ohio's crazy, it's gotta be that. what's the joke about ohio? like they've produced more astronauts than any american state. it just goes to show you like the lengths people will go to to get out of ohio.
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15:48
i'm sure if you live in ohio, you're like, yeah, we've heard that one before. but like, still pretty funny. if i may say so myself, i still find it. not every joke has to be original. there's only a certain amount of original jokes that you could even make, man. a thunderclap. i mean, we're so good on the vulnerable already, man. give me a strength potion, maybe. i'm gonna make a bet. my bet is that
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16:35
lizard tail is literally gonna carry us through this fight so we don't have to rest. that's my bet. i don't give a shit about vicious. not yet. we got some work to do first. huge. okay, now we put ourselves in a position to succeed. huge, extra thunderclap in the deck. with 11 hp, i have lizard tail nephew. look it up. now stop wasting my time. get out of here. i didn't see, it's at the top of the screen, nephew. now stop wasting my time.
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17:57
trying out a new bit. damn, okay. don't say damn, okay. you gotta say damn. okay, shorty. huge. why? i don't know. it just reminds me of mathis for some reason. whenever someone says damn, shorty, it reminds me of mathis. and i don't know if he's ever said it in his life, but it just seems like something he would say and then i would laugh. they changed conflagration? do damage to all enemies five times.
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18:47
what happened to your lizard tail? i literally made it useful for the first time in his life. i made it do something. did you see this? okay, well kate, i didn't see it because it's on x. let me see what it is. let's see. it's about ricci city. it's got 78 likes. no, i can't play the video. don't miss what's happening. people on x are the first to know. log in or sign up. when i try to click play on the video, it does not play because i'm not logged in.
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19:30
no? can you just tell me, could i have any context for it before i like, type x cancel or whatever? no? well, i guess that one, we'll have to wait for your stream for that one then. it's a funny video. was it about two games of south mahjong taking four hours to play? and i mean, okay, i've not brought up to my chat
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19:59
why it took four hours to play two games of ritchie south mahjong because i don't think that it's my story to tell and honestly i'm not even sure that 2026 is the right time to tell it. why did it take four hours? ask me in five years. mark your calendar, ask me in five years why it took four hours to play two games of ritchie mahjong and i will tell you. oh for fuck's sakes. you don't understand, i'm on the pulpit. i have a position of influence
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20:32
if i had to tell the story as it honestly happened, i'm partly responsible for how you guys react to that information. which is fucked up, because i'm just one person, but all of a sudden the actions of like thousands of people reflect on me. so i'm not allowed to share awesome, funny stories that would be so old and i would farm so much dopamine from sharing them, and you would be like, wow, that's fucking funny, but i can't say it. i would be irresponsible to share the story.
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21:06
it can't be done. also, this whole time we've been here, nobody has told me what to take. i guess one two punch is okay because you could double a doubling of the vulnerability and then if we get a dominate at some point we're going to be pogging but that's an awfully hot cocoa pot. huge. enormous. who won the tournament? oh, my sweet summer daniel is still ongoing. he doesn't know. one thing's for sure though, they said your boy was too old and too guilo
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21:53
to get to the point where he could win a mahjong tournament. well, i'm still alive for day two. how do you feel about that? i'm still standing after all this time. can i be stunt casted? no, you can't daniel. and i'll the same reason that the same reason it took four hours to play two games of ricci city on monday is the same reason that i will have to veto the stunt casting at this point.
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22:27
we need to see this one through to its conclusion and then go in on the next one. it's got to be nothing. okay, just let us know. 1800 days. 1800 days from now i'll be happy to share the information. for now it wouldn't be responsible of me. huge. he's gonna forget. no shot. not gonna happen. this is an unforgettable story. let me put it this way. 8th of july 2031. i might even give it to you in four and a half years because in the summertime, i mean my daughter's gonna be on summer vacation probably so you know it could be like
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23:26
could be 50 50. whether we're even live, right? so but like in the wintertime, well as long as we're dodging christmas. i don't think we need extra draw, man. we have so much draw from vicious if we could just get dominate or something like that. i can kill one. i can live with this. i can't live with this. huge. i'm still taking 11 damage which sucks. just followed your letterbox. let me say your boomer comes out in your reviews, king. get more gen z, please.
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24:37
gen z, okay first off, literally i own you because i just got the card that i needed to win the game. secondly, do you have any issue, like could you be specific about the issue that you have? the issue is just that i'm older than you, but not even by that much? i'm like maybe 15 years older than you when there's people on the earth that are 65 years older than you?
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24:59
didn't like the minions review? i mean if you're in your 20s and you're holding the, leaving a light on for the minions, you have a fucking problem. you are... the earth is not gonna be kind to you. and don't say i didn't warn you, let's put it that way. but you better be fucking hot, okay? if you're like in your mid 20s and you're like, you gotta go see the minions, you better be smoking hot. because if you're normal or ugly, you are fucking fucked, okay?
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25:33
don't say i didn't fucking warn you. that's two stars too many. yeah, my wife literally fell asleep during the movie. i didn't fall asleep but my heart rate did hit 40 beats per minute which is like basically the part where your watch vibrates and tells you you need to see a doctor. motherfucker, man. you made fun of me for falling asleep? no, i didn't. i didn't make fun of you for falling asleep. i think i said i almost fell asleep as well.
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26:10
no shot i'd be making fun of you for falling asleep during the minions movie. i'm not even paying attention to the cards i'm playing. i asked how long was the movie and you said uh about 25 minutes. that's not making fun of you. i was making a comment about how the movie literally waited until it was 90 minutes and one seconds long. they literally just needed to get the the stamp of approval from the mpaa that it was feature film length and then they were like okay work's done. that's not a knock on you at all.
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26:48
so it's kind of like a jim jarmusch movie? no, if it was a jim jarmusch movie, it would be bad and then also like two hours and 15 minutes long. fuck it, give me some block. we're dead, huh? after all this, we're dead? okay, but not ghost dog. ghost dog is good. i haven't seen patterson. i mean, i've only seen two or maybe three jim jarmusch movies. fuck it, go ahead and kill me.
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27:33
but i'll tell you, permanent vacation did a lot of fucking damage to the jim jarmusch mythos for a guy like me. i fell asleep during ghost dog? well maybe you're just too fucking gen z to appreciate it, okay? maybe you should get more millennial. permanent vacation, 75 minutes? the longest 75 minutes of my entire life.
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28:05
and by the way, if you want to clown on me for saying that 75 minutes felt long, go ahead and watch it. i'll wait. i'm one of six people that's logged in on letterboxd. criterion collection fucked me by putting it in the under 90 minutes category. that shit is supposed to be curated. it's not supposed to be machine generated. oh, here's a list of movies that are under 90 minutes. i could vibe code that, bro. it's supposed to be like these are good movies under 90 minutes.
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28:33
one thing's for sure though, when they named permanent vacation they knew what they were doing. fuck it, we thrash. you said holy shit they were cooking here to singing in the rain? that shit's like a hundred years old bro, go watch supergirl. you literally fucked it up because you baited me with the first comment and then you laid it on too thick with the second comment to try to get a joke and now i realize you're not a real person. the first comment got me. the first comment was good because it was right on the borderline of believability. the second comment veered too much into farce. you got a lot to learn, let's put it that way.
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29:32
still waiting for the odyssey reviews. let me just kill you. i don't, i'm a chris nolan enjoyer. the chris nolan enjoyer has logged on. i don't really know anything about the odyssey. when i see the trailer, i feel like it doesn't look like a chris nolan movie to me. but then i will also reserve judgment until it wins best picture and then i'll decide for myself. i really like thunderclap, man, but blood bowl's got a certain je ne sais quoi.
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30:24
you have to remember thrash is the straw that stirs the drink, man. i love having a breakthrough. driven every kind of rig that's ever been made. driven the back road so i won't get laid. you know what i'm talking about? will it? yes, bright one! fuck it, let's go full aoe. someone in chat said it was good.
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31:18
my win rate went way down once i started saying the chosen cheese was bad and then never taking it. but i don't know if there's any going back from that, man. i'm from tucson to tucumcari. i like songs from the 70s about driving a truck or about escaping. what's that other one that goes, i'm gonna buy a ticket down at the station.
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32:01
gonna climb a mountain, the highest mountain! he's just doing everything. that's the marshall tucker band. that's can't you see, right? what that woman is doing to me. you guys ever hear the lido shuffle by boz skaggs? don't give me fucking... but if i take this, it's just gonna give me outmaneuver. whoa! a real attack? what a world, man. i mean, that doesn't really move the needle for a guy like me. that does. that does.
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33:06
when, how, and be real with me, how long have they had inferno make it so whenever you lose hp you deal 9 damage? since slay the spire 2 came out? since slay the spire 2 came out. okay. because that is not how it works in slay the spire 1. that's really good. only on your, well okay that makes sense. only on your turn though.
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33:46
there's no inferno in sts 1? it's combust is canonically very similar to inferno, okay? spiritually speaking. sorry, people won't let me stream until i respond to my wife's question that i missed in the flood of chat. let's see. how big for a dick do you have to have to be considered big dick? i mean, honestly, i would think when you get to seven inches you would start calling it big dick.
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34:19
if six is average, there's no shot that someone who's got a seven incher is gonna be like, i have an average sized dick. it's more of a vibe. that's probably true because it probably is a composite with like versus how much extra meat you've got in the pubis region. it's entirely vibe based. i don't know. i mean, like i thought i gave you an honest answer. everyone wants me to like die or whatever because of what i said.
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34:57
i gave you like a quantifiable i just realized there's a bald dude getting this fucking shit rocked on this card. i never even noticed that. that's what they would do to me after my first lecture at streamer university, man. i never noticed that the bald dude in there getting his face broken before. when you're getting your shit beat off, exactly. fucking now you fucking get it. literally uppercut just a good card and if it gets thrashed all the better. i don't know, i'd have to think about it i guess. one thing's for sure, it's never been a problem for me.
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35:47
there's a reason that i'm theory crafting instead of diving into a wealth of lived experience when it comes to this question. and it's because lido missed the boat last time he left the shai. but that is all he left and he ain't coming back. lido, whoa. no, no, no, no. i can't do that to him. just give me the health, man. you're done, mike.
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36:41
you think jay and silent bob are both packing? or like one of them is and one of them isn't? i'm not just saying this because of their size, like their physical size. jason mewes strikes me as the, he's the prototypical mold of guy that has a huge penis. it didn't seem like he tried that hard in school. tall, skinny, exudes charisma to begin with. now,
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37:07
kevin smith, i don't necessarily want to say because i don't know there might actually we might be known it might already be open information what kevin's working with but here's what all i would say is that he doesn't give off big penis energy to me i don't think he gives off big penis energy that doesn't mean he has a small penis and even if he did would that be so bad but also
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37:43
we want to land a little, yeah we want to land a smack right there. he just, he doesn't give off the big penis energy to me i guess is what i'm trying to say. i want to try something here. giant rock. no no no. rage is going to be huge here. get cooked lad. huge. we're still taking damage so bloodletting is a plus. and it swallowed bash. two damage to all enemies four times. i don't think so man.
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38:45
i don't watch live streams but i wanted to say when nl speaks mandarin it reminds me of the scene in tropic thunder when robert downey jr. has to try and communicate with the drug dealers. what the fuck? he's speaking english. he's speaking english in the scene when he says he's a lead farmer. you know what the type of shit i'm trying to say? you know the type of shit i'm trying to say? big lunch.
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39:35
big lunch. oh, it's gonna go so crazy later today when i ask giga what she ate for lunch. ni hao, giga. ni ch'er fan le ma? and then she's gonna go... she's gonna laugh and then she's gonna go, ch'er. ch'er. and i'm gonna say, oh, ni ch'er wo fan shema? is that what did you have for lunch? ni ch'er wo fan shema? what did you eat for lunch? kind of? yes!
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40:28
nǐ chīr shèmā le? buddy, where's lunch? i don't see wùfān in that sentence whatsoever. i don't see any fucking wùfān. wrong word order, but most people would know what you mean. huge, huge, huge. it's nǐ wùfān chīr shèmā? incredible. we're fucking getting there, man. we are fucking getting there. i can't wait to order at the chinese restaurant. me ordering in perfect mandarin?
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41:04
see that's a joke because you know what i fucking ordered? i ordered a number 20. i ordered a number 20 in perfect mandarin bro. white boy stuns by ordering a number 20 in perfect mandarin? oh man we don't want any of this garbage. well actually wait. i kind of like a true grit.
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41:55
i gotta bring him to richmond and see if i can, if he can actually order food there. kate, i can order food there because they speak english. they speak english in richmond. the signs are all in chinese and i don't know whether it's... is there a difference between cantonese and mandarin writing or is it a simplified traditional... is that the schism? i don't know but the signs are all in chinese but the staff tends to
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42:30
speak about. i don't know, i've never been to the restaurants because i get intimidated by the signs. so maybe you're right on that one, i don't know. this is problematic? no the fuck it isn't. no it isn't in the slightest. we found someone whiter than me. you know how i know they're whiter than me? they think that taking an interest in a foreign culture is problematic. i'm really white. like i'm, there's no question.
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43:05
that i am, i'm white as fuck but i'm not that white. that's crazy. i'm from saskatchewan, pal. i could have told you that, okay? bet you're wearing a bunny hug right now, motherfucker. you want a stampede? actually, that's true. the only, the only thing whiter than saying learning mandarin is problematic is actually learning japanese. that's true. that's a good point. that's a really good end one to that joke. i really respect that one.
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43:48
i just really like stampede, but bloodwall actually works so well with what we're cooking up here, man. we just need to be able to play inferno first. mission fucking accomplished, bud. huge. i thought i was trying to learn japanese because my mom's japanese, but i'm actually learning it because my dad's white. mm hmm, that's right. that's right. see now? that's an end too. you don't see that happen that much, but that's really funny. that's really good. you mess with the fro, you gotta go waterfall giant.
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44:54
undercover brother reference? yeah, it's more likely than you think. i saw it in theaters. you don't know shit about that. would you stay weak for one more turn? i guess we don't need to know. 41. okay. well, end your turn and then might be a little bit of... well, no, we're doing freaking fine, man. now, do you have to do a little bit of mathematics? yeah, a little bit.
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45:49
21 takes you to 47 and you lose two. we're literally chilling, don't even need to use the speed potion. potion please, potion please. i'm sorry, you didn't really do anything to deserve that, but you can just do the math and then need to know if you need to use the potion, okay? you can just do the math! i don't think hellraiser does anything for us here. cruelty. we have enough vulnerability to make cruelty work, man. sozu, shneko, corruption plus with the programmer art.
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46:37
we don't have enough high cost cards to make snekko pop. i gotta think about it, man. i gotta look at chat and wait for somebody to tell me what to do. i am a sozu guy. i mean energy doesn't go out of style. i saw sunny day real estate mentioned in chat. i'm pouring honey on you goat. lot of sunny day real estate's been coming up on the peloton playlist lately. well, let's just cook you and you're done.
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47:48
i feel like i lose a lot of runs due to just skipping cards that don't fulfill our synergies when they would actually just be good for us, but so what man? so fucking what? i'll tell you, you can always add a dagger spray to your deck. you can always add an escape plan to your deck. holy cow. oh, you can always add a bullet time to your deck. you can definitely always add a bullet time to your deck. give me escape plan.
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48:22
do we need a dagger spray? you know what, we have very limited aoe. i think a dagger spray would be an asset. an escape plan for my dick would be pretty rad. draw a card if it's a skill, add 6 inches. okay, so hit a 6 inches. i didn't think that one through before i said it but...
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48:46
maybe like add an inch or something, a half an inch or something like that would be enough to make a difference. six inches you might be like, damn this is... this is getting a little too crazy. skip conflagration but take dagger spray? it doesn't make sense. does it make you feel good to type stuff like that? i'm just playing... i'm playing a video game. i'm doing my best. you're the one coming in with these churlish bad faith comments. yeah? i mean that explains it. you show me the incentives, i'll show you the outcomes.
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49:35
definitely want no blood wall. too many people got pinocchio dick these days. i literally don't know. i literally don't know. i've seen... i've been in the locker rooms, you know? what does that mean? kate, that would be a long dick that's very skinny. that would be a pinocchio dick. an example of a pinocchio dick at least. at least i think that's what they're going for. it could also be a dick that i guess grows a little bit every time you lie.
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50:28
that's a pencil dick? well then what the fuck is a peni i think they knew what they were saying with pinocchio dick. this could be nasty. i can't really be fucked to add two daisies to my deck to do 10 damage to you. i just can't i can't get excited about that. i can get excited about this, and then drawing cards. and then i mean i would really get excited about cruelty even though i
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51:25
i'm doing zero damage with my cards at the end of the turn, but still. you got the wrong bug? oh shit! i got the wrong bug! you're right! this is the bug that gets, um... this is the bug that makes you lose strength in decks the more cards you play. motherfucker, man. whatever, i still mog you. was a little close though, was a little close. then this motherfucker too? the most motherfucker of all the motherfuckers?
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52:26
27 motherfucking damage. you gotta be shitting me, man. i can't, it's unsurvivable. it cannot be survived. gain six tainted off each one! i mean, i was dead either way, but still. stings a little bit, man. well, we got time for one more. i'll respond to that one. that's pretty fucking funny though. that is pretty fucking funny.