If we lock in we're only one stroke away (Normal Golf Game)

Name: If we lock in we're only one stroke away (Normal Golf Game)
Uploaded: 2026-07-08
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "If we lock in we're only one stroke away (Normal Golf Game)" (Normal Golf Game) — 66 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-07-08Normal Golf Game

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0:00 how'd you know i was rocking out to who let the dogs out at my 11th birthday party? because the song's for 11 year olds, man. obviously. okay, we activate the bounty. and then we want to stand like right there. i like this. zero mile an hour winds. let's just get some baseline shots. power right about here. we're going to use a little bit more, a little bit more care and consideration. power right about here.
0:50 perfect straight shot. oh, wait a minute. wait a minute. right here. move me slightly to the left, two boards to the left like reg would want. and then right. oh, that was good too. that was honestly, that was probably the one that set us back half an hour. that's not enough power. frankly, mr. shankly. that's not even close. your arms were so, probably that would require replacing both shoulders. if you did that irl,
1:47 but now i've undercompensated the rare undercompensation with a guy when a guy with a really big cock drives like a kia soul. see now i want to move it back in the other direction a little bit. now i want to move it i want to move it back like to here. that's never happened. i'm sure it's happened like i mean
2:15 i don't know that much about the kia soul. i'm assuming it was like a semi reliable automobile in the sedan category at a budget price. i mean, there's always a buyer for that, man. not even close. i drive a kia soul. how does it... that's not even close, man. how does it compare to the chevy spark? i'm sure there's people in chat that drive a chevy spark. i am not trying to make you feel bad, but i have an obligation to help my chat out.
2:50 and tell them to never buy a chevy spark. but the one thing i will say is i also don't know if there is any car on the planet that's as cheap as a chevy spark, so it might literally be in a category all to itself. but if there is anything else in the chevy spark price range, you at least gotta test drive that too. 2011 volkswagen jetta. you know what pisses me off? not quite as much as subaru drivers who...
3:33 who when they, you're like walking down the street and you hear a really, really loud car and then you turn your head because you think it might be like a ferrari or something but then it's just a subaru and you're like, your car is not, i'm not saying it's a bad car. it just doesn't have any reason to be that loud if it's gonna, like if i'm gonna turn my head and be like, oh, a subaru again.
4:00 i forgot what i was talking about. oh, the other one is like the way that volkswagen golf drivers drive, man. you're not a rally driver. you're literally like you're trying to beat me into the save on food's parking lot. just chill. there's enough space in the parking lot for everybody, bro. they're always driving around going... like you're not colin mcrae.
4:27 i don't know why you're turning this into a game. i'm just trying to get to the frozen food section because i'm back on my smoothie shit. wait, a little bit of draw. not quite, not quite. you know what? i think chat was cooking when they said shoot from back here because i over hit it so much. obviously we have like greater variance in our left to right now and then we want to move down so the ball has more loft.
5:36 shrimp arms way ironically at our last spot that's obviously in this could go off the tree and into the hole honestly kind of a banger approach shot, but it's going comment that said licking her bald spot during back shots freaky ass comment, but i'm not gonna deny that it made me laugh cuz i
6:29 it really and it honestly gave me some good mojo for that shot. that's not a bad shot at all, man. that's like a certified winky face, tongue out emoji. oh, we're knocking on the door again. just a little curve would serve you nicely. don't plunk me on that. a little more power, curve, and aim will get you there. is this game fun for the neurodivergent? yeah, i would say so.
7:47 i honestly, i'm surprised that the neurotypicals in chat aren't fucking with it because the ui is like very neurotypical 2026 game design. there's like a call to action, 17 different meters, like a bunch of different windows set up in a grid. like there's so much more information than there was in video games when i grew up.
8:09 i honestly like this looks like valor into me. i thought people would be fucking with it more. well, we'll just have to you know, the beatings will continue until morale improves type shit. that ain't gonna do it, man wait, but actually wait this time. oh that one was so good dude that was so close to a dunk so obviously we need a little less power so kind of the right idea on power
9:16 hold it in, hold it in. do hold it in, it does do something. get the ground running bro. also at the minions of monsters movie saw the trailer for the new shrek movie. imagine my surprise that shit is not coming out until summer 2027. how can they have a trailer for an animated movie when obviously like what else is there to do man except for the animation at this point?
9:55 like the trailer is necessarily misrepresentative of the final product, man. adr? i don't think... do you call it adr in an animated movie? wait, it curved. it curved so nicely. am i crazy to think we need to... we want to have like a little less loft on it? because i feel like it's kind of dying too, too quick. at which point we'd want to be slightly higher up. this feels promising.
11:06 swing from the right more to avoid the tree? the tree is interesting because i don't know if i would say that the tree is our enemy. whether or not our tree is our enemy does not depend on our tree, it only depends on us. if we shoot it at the tree and it goes in, the tree is our friend. if we shoot it at the hole and the tree gets in the way, the tree is our enemy. the tree has done nothing wrong. decent fade. are we looking on power there? power was not so bad.
12:17 perfect straight shot. too much power. what about eight inches in thin? yeah, what about two inches in spiral? pretty good if you need to open a wine bottle. life is like a hurricane when you're duct dicked. lasers, race cars, aeroplanes. something could... might solve a mystery. what?
12:59 duck penises are curved like a corkscrew. i thought you've been on the internet before. brought to you by the same people who say things like dolphins are assholes. bro, i didn't grow up in a dolphin pod. i'm not gonna sit here and put human morals on a dolphin. i have no idea what kind of constraints they're living under in the ocean, okay? now obviously if you took their behavior and you brought it straight into human beings, you would be like, that's incredibly fucked up, but i don't know what it's like under the sea, man.
13:34 i'm just a tourist when it comes to their culture. oh, i really thought that was our candidate man. little more. boy, was you raised in a dolphin pod? crazy insult. boy, you are two kinds of crazy. i still, i have to find some time to watch the rest of the big mama's house 2 trailer. this summer, big mama is back. boy, you're two kinds of crazy.
14:32 the kid was just throwing himself off like the top of the bunk bed and shit. he shouldn't have been doing that. watched it all the time when i was seven. big mama's house is an interesting movie because for me it exists at that time where i was like slowly starting to develop a little bit of like independent tastes and like mostly wanted to watch movies that were good. i was sure, i was probably like 13 when the first big mama's house came out, i was sure it was going to be good. it had so many elements of
15:13 movies that i loved, how could it not be good? martin lawrence, fresh off the success of blue streak and runtel dat. the fuck ass like all white background with the red text on it like jack portnoy in the fatties. and then of course, i mean he's going undercover as big mama, like almost a nutty professor style caper.
15:40 but also, he's a cop, so he's a good guy. so like i was, there was a lot going for it. and then when i watched it, even at 12 or 13, i was like, man, this is not that funny. i mean, am i really supposed to be laughing when like, i guess like big mama farts? farts are funny, but you have to do something a little bit more than just have her fart.
16:08 it's gotta be like really loud and disgusting or like in an incredibly inappropriate environment or something like that. or it's gotta smell like really bad or really good. big mama was an ibs queen? i mean, she was eaten, let's put it that way. same with nutty professor? no, okay, cuz like here's the subtle difference, cuz the farts in the nutty professor one are so funny.
16:49 eddie murphy knew what he was doing with that one. when the dad farts and then the grandma goes, did someone just say my name? that's a classic moment. now the nutty professor 2, i'm not fucking with it. but the nutty professor 1 is pretty good, man. what was the jeff portnoy movie in tropic thunder? bro, it's the fatties fart too. not enough power. olds. old.
18:00 what's your pick for spain versus portugal? mmm conservatively, lamine yamal, six goals. that was, i'm calling it overall our best shot ever. not the closest shot but our best shot ever. i'm going all in, this is on you. watch this. okay, this is for spinny boy. a little too much fade on that one spinny boy, i apologize. you'll make it back, you'll make it back. i need to see ronaldo fail? bro, he's been playing for 40 years, he has the same number of knockout stage goals as steve estacio, bro.
19:00 the canadian legend. run that last name again? i literally had it in my head and then i forgot it. the soccer fandom leaving of my body when morocco scores its third goal against canada. it was a good try though. i mean all things considered, considering they're like a lot better than our team. considering their team is like a lot better than ours by like a large margin, i thought they played pretty well man. what about this though?
19:54 oh, it's just not quite, it's gonna bounce over too, but. now if we played belgium, we might have had a shot to be honest with you, but not everybody can get that favorable drive. i know he's not picking up mark's calls. nah, even worse. i mean, this ain't 2014 anymore, bro. we're talking about 2026 belgium. you need eight o'clock for power. thank you, thank you. okay, hold, hold. wait, you're a genius.
20:48 eight o'clock for power is gonna serve us so well. eight o'clock. way too much curve. i fucked up the power on that one. i mean everything was fucked but this game scratches a crazy brain itch. you know what it is? i think it helps break the prison that we put ourselves in that in content something always has to happen, man.
21:41 it's a lot of pressure on a streamer. that's why you got dan doing things like, if i get hit in the roguelike, the game has to change. but the bro is loading up slay the spire 2. you can't beat slay the spire 2. it can't happen. without getting hit, taking no damage in slay the spire 2? that's not how it works. it's like trying to win a game of basketball without allowing any points, man. that's not the way it's played. so we're making a deliberate choice
22:15 to reject this kind of like, you know, dopamine addled thinking. will we get the ball in the hole? yes. will we do it in the next 31 minutes? it's not looking good. i have no idea. i have no idea, bro. i mean, it's like it's the first monday in july, man. not every day has to be christmas. that's crazy. pistons could do it against team unity.
22:48 bro, after the piston score, i'm just taking a full court shot every single time. i can hit one full court shot, especially because we're not gonna play defense. i can hit one full court shot in a 48 minute game, unless the coach subs me out. shoveled it, that's not right. is nobody guarding you? no, they're guarding apollo cuz he's the tallest one. apollo's quintuple teams. see, that was really good. absolutely perfect weight on the shot. not as good.
23:54 they'll see the cavs and know you're a threat. i mean, bro, they saw the cavs in the playoffs. let me know how that went. am i right? i think they lost. i think the pistons lost to the cavs. is that correct? and then the cavs got kind of dummied by the knicks. you know what's crazy is that it's actually like summer weather in vancouver, which would not be remarkable except for the fact that it was actually cold enough to wear a jacket last week.
24:30 but i don't want to wear shorts because i don't like i'm at the point with my calves where they're like so over developed that i don't want to wear shorts and like get asked by the other parents at the school like what's going on with your calves? like i think they're gonna be like it's a little indecent to be walking around with calves like that. i am i'm feeling immodest and with nothing i could do about it.
25:04 it's not on my lobsters too buttery. my steak is too juicy. the calves are like, my legs are pretty good. but the calves are not proportional with the rest of the leg. the calf is highly overdeveloped. the quads and the hammies are just, you know, they're quadding and hamming. it's because of the towa. it's not, i mean, if it was calf raises, i'd just stop doing the calf raises. but every step is a calf raise for a beast like me. i've completely stopped paying attention to my power.
25:56 at least it's not only your forearms. oh, it's 2026, okay? a, forearms are in, and b, even if it is because of jerking off, you just tell people you're a rock climber, or you bake bread on the weekend or something like that. or on the weekday, i suppose, as well, because once you got all the stuff, it doesn't take that long. i work in software, i can't tell people i'm a rock climber? yes, you fucking can, man! the aura has changed on software developers.
26:43 yeah! no way! i thought for sure that was it. and the tree was our friend. 8 o'clock. little too much power. i like, i like a lot of what else was going on there. oh. yeah, and software devs are like healthy now, man. and the code is a lot worse. well, i don't know if i can say it, the apps are a lot worse. the code might be better than ever, but like do i give a fuck?
27:37 but like the websites don't work as well as they used to. but their sleep scores and their metabolic ages have never been popping to a greater extent. yes, what i'm saying is we need unhealthier developers. we need more developers who joined computer club at school to make a friend instead of to facilitate like step one of 3000 of starting a podcast on founder culture.
28:40 what is this? that was like 815 power. you need to be at... there was like, i don't even... that might have been 650 power. we need to be at... we need to be right there. we locked the fuck in. that was a great shot, man. perfect weight. a little thin and straight on that one. not even close. didn't even make contact. with the draw, this could... no, no, no. no, it's gonna hit the tree. little more power. need it right here. curving the wrong direction, i'm afraid.
29:46 chat, how do i waste four hours of office time? uh, do work. you really want to waste time? send some emails. wait, oh it's just slightly off. oh look at the weight of the shot was so good man. not even close to enough power. third coffee from the furthest coffee pot. you know what and on ironically
30:28 chib and corey comparing resting heart rates has freed me from the yolk of three caffeinated beverages a day.
30:35 because i was getting pissed off last week when i got back. i was sick so my resting heart rate was getting mocked and i don't mean any disrespect to chiblee, okay? but as far as i know he doesn't do any cardiovascular exercise. so him posting like a 63 resting heart rate was kind of pissing me off when i was sitting there like 71 because my body was purging like virons and bacteria from my body. so i was like i gotta lock the fuck in.
31:04 and i... it might be fixing my life, to be honest with you. not that it was that fucked up, i guess, to begin with, but... last night, while sleeping, i ticked a 38 heart rate. that's the lowest... it's the first time my heart rate has ever gotten lower while sleeping than it did when i was watching minions and monsters. which i think is a good metric to shoot for. what are we at right now? i don't know. i can feel the veins in my forehead, so i actually... i feel like we're probably in the low 80s right now.
31:44 73, whatever. that's a low 80s to a beast like me. you want those probiotics? no, but i'm back on the metamucil. and one of the great things, so i started having smoothies again in the morning. one of the great things is that protein powder is at like, it's the most vulnerable product on the market to food trends. so every single food trend finds its way into protein powder.
32:35 so now it used to just be this protein powder that i bought was like whey protein. then it became plant based protein maybe like 10 years ago. and then they added like branch chain amino acids and then they added creatine monohydrate and they just keep adding like whatever the newest flavor of the month is for nutrition. so like every single scoop of this has like
33:01 i mean it's got everything in it, even perhaps especially the shit that doesn't do anything. it's got tart cherry, it's got prebiotic and probiotic fiber. i didn't know you could get prebiotics that are also fiber. they got a little of everything in it man. they left out the part that tastes good i suppose but it was kind of like an everything bagel. you notice that everything bagel is really just kind of like onion? onion and sesame seeds?
33:54 a lot of the other shit in there, and i'm sure if you showed me the ingredients there'd be some other shit, but a lot of the other shit in there is getting carried. like the onion and the sesame seed, that's lebron. little garlic. i don't know actually. not sure. it is of course it's the goated bagel. no other bagel comes close. and you know no other bagel comes close because as soon as you say something like that people will say something like, well sometimes i like a sweet bagel like a cinnamon raisin or something. yeah, but like...
34:33 not six times a week. six times a week you're eating everything and then every once in a while you get a weird hair up your butt and you're going, okay i'll take the cinnamon raisin. cheddar jalapeno my goat. okay but that's costco only. that's not a canonized genre of bagel. i'm sure they have it at other places but i am 80% sure you're talking about costco.
35:11 you can get it at tim hortons? oh, you can get food out of the trash can too. like we're talking about food that tastes good from a restaurant that cares about you and the nation you live in. never got a bagel from costco? i mean they're not the best bagels on the planet for sure, but they are really dense, really cheap, and i've said this before, but i'll stand by it.
35:45 they go bad faster than almost any other bagel you can buy at the grocery store. which makes me think that's actually a good thing because it means they're made of some real shit. also i know everyone always says like a bagel is like eight slices of bread or something like that. i don't fucking buy it bro. i don't care what the numbers say. it doesn't pass the eye test. because if you ate eight slices of bread and you ate a bagel,
36:20 you would feel differently. so no it's not, maybe it's like it in some ways and it's not like it in other ways. 3 max? i can live with that. also we're so close to like bread re entering the healthy foods discussion. we just need to be steeped in the fiber glazing a little bit longer and people are gonna, influencers are gonna start to say stuff like, i've been reintroducing like enriched flour bread into my diet as a tasty way to
37:01 get some more fiber. we need a dr. mike video that says like bread plus eggs is the ultimate workout recovery food. eat your greens asshole. bro it's 2026, everyone my age is eating their greens. have you seen the average, have you seen the poulet rouge commercials bro? anyone else watching soccer on tsn? if i eat at poulet rouge for lunch every day and i change like one thing every order,
37:43 how long would it take me to eat the whole menu? centuries? wait, we gotta lock in for this. and then, so, poulet rouge is a restaurant i've never heard of outside of these ads, even though i'm canadian. the bowl that they show her eating is a bowl that you eat when you have no respect for yourself. i'm sorry to say. like, restaurants should not be serving food that looks that meal prepped. it's like,
38:14 six little slices of grilled chicken on top of a bowl that is not in any way unified. it's like bibimbap before you mix it. there's like the beans are over here, shredded carrots over here, the spinach is over here, and i... it's not right, man. it's lacking a certain je ne sais quoi that a slop bowl needs to really... to take it to the next level. you're allowed to mix the bibimbap? oh, honey. oh, no, no, no.
38:50 no, no, no, no, no, no, no. you've been eating the... don't tell me you've been eating like the julienned carrots all by themselves. no, no, no. you're supposed to mix it up. also?
39:10 i don't know if you guys know any korean people. i'll save you an oral loss. you're not supposed to eat the bibimbap with chopsticks. i know it's an asian food, so our caucasian brains are like, well obviously you eat this with chopsticks. they'll make fun of you bro. you eat it with a spoon. i'm telling you, 100%. they'll make fun of you. yeah, korea's got some good spoons for sure. long handle metal spoon.
39:51 and also the other thing is if you ever go to a restaurant that has bibimbap and you've been wanting to try it, always check and see if they've got dolsot bibimbap first because dolsot bibimbap literally better. sorry if you're like an executive at korean air or whatever and i'm blowing up your whole spot. the dolsot makes it 10 times better. just don't burn your tongue on it. fucking power. how's mandarin going? not even fucking with you? my teacher called out sick this week. so whatever we persevere. ni shou, ni shou.
40:31 what did you say? do you take visa or mastercard? okay, give me a second. here is 500 american dollars in traveler's checks. you never know when that could come in handy.
41:27 oh, you're right. i didn't say traveler's checks. i forgot lu xing. i only said here's $500, $500 us dollars check. i forgot about the lu xing zhe piao. oh my god, people who didn't grow up around chinese people really can't speak a lick of mandarin, huh? yeah, obviously. how the fuck would i speak mandarin if i didn't grow up speaking mandarin? librarian, how do you say brain in mandarin chinese?
42:18 i need to know because i need to say use your brain which would be something like well i don't know use is yong though i'll tell you that much and i could ask you how much is the airplane ticket all of a sudden i remembered how to say airplane and i don't want to though because i don't think you guys are mature enough to handle this to be honest with you i don't think you're ready seeing how you've reacted to the the mandarin so far i don't think you're ready i don't think you're prepared for this
43:08 get him, librarian. get him. i still don't understand the mandarin arc. what's to understand? there's plenty of reasons to learn a language beyond like, uh, you like what kind of cartoons they make. not to soul read you, i'm just, i mean, i know what website i'm on and i'm making an assumption. also, having a hobby is not an arc, man. it's called being alive. why not korean? because we've already got someone in the house that speaks korean, man!
43:45 we as a marital unit are not gonna get a buff from me learning korean and speaking korean like way worse than my wife who grew up speaking korean. wait, wait, this is huge? could have been huge. why not german? you know what's crazy is that if you're not learning anything, people won't go, why aren't you learning something? but if you are actively learning something, people will go, well, you should have learned this instead. like you're not fucking doing anything, dickhead.
44:20 the same with exercise. like as soon as you, if you sit on your ass people are like that's valid life's hard but as soon as you're like oh i'm running people are like well you should really do the elliptical instead it's low impact. who asked buddy? now hieroglyphs would be sweet. i still think it'd be awesome to show up at someone's door and go like man holding a feather looking sideways. man, seven men kneeling
44:56 holding their hands clasped to the sky man with bird's head staring directly at you like i think that would be awesome, but but they'll kill you for saying it they'll kill you for saying it also, i'm not gonna learn german because you guys all speak english like you fucked yourself no disrespect if your english was way worse then like there's a chance i might learn german but like your german is amazed or your english is amazing. i
45:32 german people speak incredible english. there's no reason for me to learn german it serves me like absolutely no utility. they do not they fucking do man. they fucking do old see look there's someone in chat said yes, we do that's perfect english right there. nothing more nothing less you don't need me to go. oh fucking mmm, goodin goodin morgan and
46:12 mmm, there is das schwarzenföfer, you know, you don't need that. they're gonna be like they're gonna put their hand on my shoulder like the r slash bald reaction gift that they post for people who aren't even really that bald to be honest like i was way balder than that before i started to shave my head but and they're gonna say buddy it's on the table. it's on the table next to the curry ketchup. okay, they're gonna say some shit like so black pepper is adjacent to the curry ketchup and
46:46 on top of the dining table. way too much power. shit, i got five minutes. that means i literally have to make one more shot and then fucking load up ricci city, which i've never played before except to set up my account and pass on my account id because i don't want to be late. eight o'clock, let her rip. could be a tree bounce. fuck the tree, bro. that's just pretty good.
47:33 isn't that the giga gooner one? yeah, but, uh, mahjong sol didn't want to pony up anything for the tournament, i guess. so here we are in ritchie city, bro. you snooze, you lose. oh, it would have felt so good to hit that. all right, all right. slash marker.