It's just one shot how hard could it be (Normal Golf Game)

Name: It's just one shot how hard could it be (Normal Golf Game)
Uploaded: 2026-07-05
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "It's just one shot how hard could it be (Normal Golf Game)" (Normal Golf Game) — 118 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-07-05Normal Golf Game

Watch on YouTube ↗ Latest videos

118 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 that doesn't sound likely. maybe they're enjoying spending quality time with you. i don't think so, man. i remember, i immediately remember where we were. i can do this. we hit this first shot, bro. first freaking shot. just needs a modicum of curl and you gotta hit the ball. just a modicum. hit the ground on that one. my bad guys. doesn't count. doesn't count.
0:39 sorry, no chewbacca in this game. yeah, yeah, we'll play more star wars monopoly tomorrow. i really want to see like some of the other factions, see some of the other strategies you can get involved with, but i mean we are, we're already, what, we have a 100% win rate online which is as good as it gets. so i kind of need to wait for the rest of the populace to catch up in strategy at least.
1:08 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! put some curve on it. no, no, no, john! don't just stand there! hit it a little fat, but that actually it might well, let's just see if it would have made it through the wouldn't have even made it through to the pink, much less through the pink, bro. i know a lot of you fellas know what that's like. now, back it up here. good contact, straight shot with a slight curve on it.
1:47 just needed a little bit more curve. a little bit more curve would have done that. wait, wait! ah! oh, baby! that was big. god, so ridiculous. back to normal golf. finish in a bunker. the sandy things. okay, easy. we'll aim towards this bunker and then hit a straight shot into the ground. wait. it's not gonna do it. need a little more.
2:39 i want to play 18 holes multiplayer 64 person lobby right the fuck now that could do it a little bit too much heat on that one six hour lobby but the last person to take a drive every round gets eliminated br style literally the shot is too good wait we might get a bounce into the bunker absolutely beautiful we take those touch the green with the ball a normal good shot that should be easy what if it's you uh self revive
3:28 hit the ground y'all. but not even close, hit the ground bigly. not even close. i've forgotten how to shoot. we try again. hit the ground running. for some reason i thought that was an arcade fire reference but i think that's keep the car running. win butler you motherfucker. we could get lucky. i see a little divot we could bounce off of that. didn't work. perfect shot with a slight, little slight hook on it. is the green more green or less green? that's interesting.
4:31 i always, just in my head, i'm like, of course they call it the green. it's green, but the whole course is basically green. until you make it to act two and then sometimes they'll have like some desert holes or something. i would have to say that's less green. beautiful shot. did you know i can control the weather? 30 mile an hour winds? jesus christ. here comes the story of the hurricane, i guess. let's see how the wind affects it. quite a lot, quite a lot. hit the ground.
5:22 good contact. a little bit of draw is perfect. it'll counteract the wind. and then just plunk it down. just plunk it down. a little thin. thin will be less affected by the wind. experiment with the stance. okay, if i miss this, i'll experiment with the stance as punishment. i have no idea how this will impact things. wait, it was incredible? hit the secret hidden gong. this one is actually hidden. you might have to walk around a bit to find it. is that it?
6:27 i might have to walk around to find it, but i gotta stand on the tee to hit the ball. okay, okay, okay, i understand. so it's behind us, but i must stand on the tee, okay? understandable, have a great day, i got lost. so it's back here somewhere. the wind is very much at our fronts, not at our backs. hit the ground, y'all. how about this?
7:19 oh, but that was pretty fucking good. that one, i don't think is gonna make it unless we get a favorable bounce off the roof, off the jimmy carter's. huge. oh fuck, we fucking creamed it, bro. too much curve, too much everything. hit the ground, broke the window, hit the ground. perfect. oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. literally could have done it. oh, my angle was all fucked up.
8:39 didn't even want to hit it just to be clear. oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait that's it. that's it right there and it curves perfectly off the jimmy carter wind got us a little on that the wind bit back on that one. oh the wind could hold it bring it back and that one's gonna go too far to the left good contact with a little bit of draw off the jimmy's oh
9:44 literally, it doesn't get any better than that for me. oh, no, no, no, don't split the difference. oh! are you fucking kidding me, bro? that's got a little slice to it. could come down right on the rim of the getty. oh, i thought we'd get a little kick off of it, bro. that's off the wood then on the symbol. oh, the fucking wind is trolling us. hook is gonna kill us on that one. we are in the pocket. i'm in my fucking bag right now. too windy?
10:36 hit the ground. hit the ground again. that could do it. spend enough time in the air, the wind is gonna slow it down, bring it down right on top of the... very clean. it can't miss. it literally can't miss. huge. looks like you're ready for the next step. come on into the pro shop. i've opened it just for you.
11:17 pretty good effort compared to your peers that only took oh anyway, this is where things heat up. this is a huge course to explore, but all that will have to wait cause this is just a demo! you can clear your save in the main menu and try a demo, speedrun, see your time and strokes here at the end. i've also activated some optional bounties which are scattered around the place if you want something more and hard to try. but first you should wishlist the game, which i will. but let's get the bounties first, man. can i break the lock?
11:57 thanks for playing. wishlist the game and try clearing your save to speedrun. i will wishlist, don't even worry about that. but first, we're going siphon filter. we're going gabe logan mode on this shit. motherfucker. we gotta come up with a better way to do this, man. that absolutely hit it. that would have hit it. bounties? bounty accepted. hit the secret hidden gong. it's nearby. can you find it? it's not back there. the secret hidden gong.
13:06 blind? i don't think so. i don't think so. i see it. i don't think you do. i don't think you do. i don't think you have any idea what it's like to be the guy. it's inside the house. this is the pro shop, just so you know. this isn't a house. this is a pro shop. no, it's in the house on the top floor. oh my god. that's impossible, bro. that's an impossible shot.
13:55 go from the front? you don't think i can hit it from the back to the melody of roll it slow but now i gotta get up in there fast but i'mma finish last? no matter how much of a thug you see, i still spit it like it's r&b. come to the club with me and when some luther come on i hope you feel me and still gonna be in love with me. she said she wants some marvin gaye, some luther vandross, a little anita would definitely set this party off right. you know what i'm talking about?
14:30 literally, is it a kanye west song? no, i was singing the twist aversion from overnight celebrity checkmate atheist. oh we almost got it too. oh now do mr. spriggs you know people know mr. spriggs you're talking about let me get some of that mmm good meat falls off the bone baby, you hungry as a baby. i'm hungry. oh
15:13 let's go to mr. spriggs and get us some ribs. 247 south air depot. let me get that s p r i g g s. when you deal with mr. spriggs, you only deal with the best. are you talking about that? call 733 8522. that was literally awesome. how do you know this? back in the day, we all used to watch the same videos instead of everybody getting served a machine generated video that confirmed their priors.
15:57 we all used to go, have you guys seen this video? and then we would watch it. instead of like getting served a clip of two guys on a podcast reacting to a clip that was literally not from anything they just made it to be reacted to. we used to be a real fucking country, bro. oh! yes. what a shot. touch the fairway three times in a row. be careful with your resets. easy, bro.
16:44 oh, i gotta go back and stand on the previous tee. i understand now. this is better than the world cup? i mean, buddy, austria's playing right now. like, don't get your hopes up, okay? i mean, if it was canada versus morocco, then we'd be talking. but, uh, austria? i mean, just happy to be there, i think. all right, so far so good. morocco has it? yeah, unlikely. they're not gonna know what to do when jonathan david gets the ball. hold. the corn guy? yeah, yeah, the guy from corn.
17:37 we got him on the, he's our midfielder. he goes, oh! this one lacks a little bit of the gravitas of the gong, i gotta say. help me wind, save me wind. i still think hidden gong through the back window is like, that's our next step. that one's definitely gonna hit. what the fuck? i'm worried about your two? this really could be the next trick shot sim, man.
18:53 not to get everyone's expectations so high that this could be the next video game that's as good as trick shot simulator. you know what's crazy though? i told you when i was playing trick shot simulator, every comment was like, stop playing this or i'm gonna fucking kill you. i said, if you just let it fucking persevere, eventually it's gonna be part of the canon games that people are gonna be begging for and be nostalgic about it. they were like, no shot this garbage, no shot. here we are fucking a year and a half later,
19:30 they're begging for trick shot sim man. no! so close. that literally could make it. no shot it was a year and a half ago. i don't know like the passage of time is all fucking distorted these days. it literally could have been like three years ago for all i know. we know that's a beautiful shot. that one might have a little too much thanks to the slice. trick shot sim 2 featuring dude perfect. dude imagine.
20:31 you guys think they edit the videos or like that was their first try doing all the trick shots? first try? i mean otherwise like what would the point of watching it be? you could be like well like anyone could do this shit dude just film yourself like fucking it up a lot and then eventually you get it. otherwise there'd be no point to watching the damn video i think. the power of the lord makes them perfect. i don't know anything about dude perfect except my kid has watched some of their youtube videos. i will say they do have kind of 2020s like
21:19 putting love god before love their wife in their social media profile, you know what i mean? it says like first things first, i love the lord and secondly, family above all else. i didn't say anything else. i didn't even say that's bad. i'm not putting some old dude above my wife though. unless she like, i guess maybe if she asked, but i'd probably, i'd take issue with it. let's put it that way. you did imply it? well, you have to remember i've been on more cruises than any human being on planet earth. so like,
22:08 i've seen so many shirts that are like, don't you dare try to take away my bible or my family. like that's like 90% of, not of america, but 90% of americans who go on cruises are wearing a shirt like that like every day. like they packed four shirts for the first four days of the cruise. and then the last three days of the cruise, they wear a shirt that they bought the previous day at whatever port they were in.
22:38 so if they went to skagway, alaska on day four, on day five, they will all be wearing their skagway, alaska shirt. but on day three, it's you will never take my bible or my wife away from me. hold. huge. what a strike. are you talking about lamine yemal or are you talking about me hitting this golf ball? i'm fucked on this one, bro. and the under armour flag shirt, of course. the other thing is,
23:27 sometimes you see like people wearing and i guess i like you're not gonna agree with this reasoning, but i swear it's true you'll see people wearing like canadian flag merch on cruises. they're americans. you know how i know they're americans canadian patriots don't wear gear that they bought from a souvenir store in gaston they don't if you're from canada, you don't buy a shirt that says vancouver bc that has like a cartoon moose and an igloo on it it just doesn't happen you wear a blue jays hat or something like that. i
24:07 what about alberta? they wear the canadian flag upside down because they think our nation's in distress. that's huge. okay, that's pretty funny. i'm not gonna read it, but that's pretty funny. i don't know anything about the dude perfect guys. they might be cool, man. i don't want to put that evil on them. as far as i know, all i should know about them is that they're amazing at flipping the bottles. our nation's greatest think tank of bottle flippers.
25:04 would you complain if we annexed alberta? i would, but they might not. i don't know, man. it's all fucked up these days. i don't have a clean answer for you. listen, okay, if you're from edmonton, i don't mean that for you. if you're from anywhere but edmonton. did i stutter? what a shot, man. i don't think i have enough power on this bad boy. now that's an absolute scorcher. i think that's gonna be clean too. oh!
26:17 i think that makes it bro. oh literally all we had to do was lock in 50 bucks little man put that shit in my hand just had to stop yapping for one second perfect accuracy get the ball into the hole on the tiny island i turned off the wind to make it easier for this system hit a hole in one the final bounty has hit a hole in one wait now it actually is trick shot simulator wait this is kind of awesome with no wind
27:08 but imagine if we hit it on the first motherfucking try with a real shot. that's the wrong hole. oh, this that's easy bro. if i could see it. probably don't want to be hidden out of the roughage. where's the island? forgot how to aim. jordi what you think about that? find me in the gray cadillac. i feel like i'm in tgl. oh, a lot less power.
28:17 this is literally very doable. is it gonna take a minute or two? yeah, i mean it could take like 10 hours. but it's certainly not an impossible challenge. easier than sorting 1600 books without using magical spells for sure. oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
28:57 books is easier. i think it's two different kinds of difficulty. this is difficult because it requires high skill. the books is difficult because i'd have trouble staying awake. shorty what you think about that? buy me in the gray cadillac we in the bed like ooh ooh ooh. that's a tough one. stop talking please. okay i'm locking in. i'm locking in. i bet you go crazy at karaoke. a lot of people think i suck at karaoke but
29:53 what i lack in musical talent i make up for in paying for the room. so it's kind of like, it's an asset, let's put it that way. that could do it. it's got a slight fucking hook to it. what's the go to song? and kate and i did karaoke on the disney adventure. i did, i opened with regulate. they had a crazy good track list. like i was stunned. i thought it would all be like hercules songs and shit like that, but they had like echo and the bunnymen and everything. wait.
30:41 but that's kind of a hard song to do when you're only a warren g or a nate dogg. because the parts where the other person breathes, you don't get to breathe. because like, now you gotta hook a left on 2 1 and lewis, some brothers shooting dice, so i said let's do this. you get no breaks, man. and you got a code switch for the nate dogg stuff. just hit the east side of the lbc.
31:29 doubt all the skirts on the cruise knew what was up with 213? i'll tell you that. that's safe bet. safe bet. i'm gonna say very few of them knew what was up with 213. most of the people on the ship were from like indonesia. i don't know if regulate made it all the way out to indonesia back in 94. i think it did. anybody here live in jakarta in 1994? librarian? no, librarian wasn't alive back then.
32:12 wait, wait, wait, wait, and the little curve on it? you're saying some crazy shit, man. oh really? oh really? semi charm kind of life went triple platinum in nompen? okay, buddy. sure it did. has anyone told them what the song's about? they might be a little embarrassed now. okay? power was too hot. don't get, don't get, don't get! steph curry. i want something else to get me through this life.
33:04 what a track. that was literally good. get this tree out of my fucking face. man, i feel like a woman goes crazy as a guy with a deep voice. oh, so you can do shania twain, man, i feel like a woman, but if i do casual by chapel rowan, everybody wants me to fucking die. even though for some reason it's in my register and i can relate to it, i didn't say i could sing as good as chapel rowan. i said it's in my register, okay? it's two slightly different things.
34:07 wait, we might have just locked in and done it? you have a register? yeah, a fucking cash register. now watch this drive. god, that would have been a great clip. that would have been a great clip. why can't you sing casual? i don't know, because fucking like 26 year olds think they was the first generation to get their pussy ate. it's fucked up bro, we all on this earth together. wait. imagine if you sync it.
35:06 i okay, i'll give it to you. if you were born like in the year 2000, you're probably among the first generation of like uh, plurality ass eaters. i can't front on that one. cornered the market, i'm sure. wait, the perfect shot doesn't exist? hold my beer? way too much power. how long do you think feet guys have been around? i have to imagine
36:09 i mean, because as i understand it, fetishes are like partly culturally derived. i imagine the proportion of them in the general population rises and falls as certain cultural trends come to pass. but i'm sure some variant on them has kind of been around forever. and it's so funny to think about prehistoric human beings that were like when there was like a thousand people left on earth
36:36 after the the cataclysmic global ice age and there's like two guys who are still like fucking like what size are your what size are your moccasins? yeah, can i ask you a question? what size moccasins do you wear? just curious. you don't have to tell me it's so funny you to think that like our very very distant ancestors are
37:02 despite living in much different conditions than we do are like not that dissimilar. ladies, by the way there's a dude out there who's about to cry when i say this but if there's like a platonic friend that you have who is male who has ever asked what size your shoes are or as as asked like a couple of times
37:33 like it might be a different story if you guys were like going bowling together and he's like i'll rent your shoes from the front desk or something. but if out of nowhere he was like i had a weird question for you what size are your shoes? don't let me put it this way don't overthink it trust your gut on that one. sometimes your first instinct is right and it doesn't make him evil i'm not saying it makes him evil but he ain't slick either. and fellas exactly if you want to get the answer just take her bowling. exactly.
38:15 but if you want to buy them a shoe? i wanna buy you a shoe. i'm in the gray cadillac. we in the shoe like shoe, shoe, shoe. this might be something man. this might be something. oh! not anymore of a fade on that one. do feet people like bigger feet or smaller? you know it's a good question. i don't know if there's a universal answer there. any
39:19 ethical feet guys want to come in and explain it to us like we're in a louis theroux documentary. i feel like there's some things we can just assume. one would be clean feet probably get more attention than dirty feet except from true degenerates. and then like i'm assuming the toenails most people want them to be trimmed if i had to guess.
39:57 or at least not like that one dude from the guinness book of world records tv show whose fingernails have been growing for like 30 years or whatever. you know the one i'm talking about where it's like his fingernails were as long as like taylor swift's hair? no preference as long as they look nice. what if they look like an evil roald dahl character's face, as we've been talking about so much lately? so nobody knows, i guess is the answer.
40:41 it's just the shape. i'm sure there's got to be something more to it. i don't know precisely what it would be, but you got your first boner at foot locker or something like that. spend a lot of time in shoe stores when you're a kid because your feet are growing like crazy. i mean, it's a perfectly plausible explanation, i guess. i've been giving you answers. i'm trying to golf as well. adjust the stance? bro, our stance is... the thing is, i don't even know, like...
41:30 it's not like we're consistently off in one thing so if we just adjust that way like you know this ain't reg telling us to move a couple of boards over at the bowling alley. we're kind of just hitting balls until one goes in. wait. nah, we need a kick on that one. not gonna ha oh but the power was fucking perfect bro. off the tree and in. that looks fucking clean. i do feel like it's got to be good for the overall economy that there are foot guys out there.
42:45 because isn't it like how furry artists, how artists get most of their money from furry commissions online? i have to imagine that if you are selling pictures of yourself or videos of yourself online, you're very thankful that feet guys exist. because imagine if you want to sell like a nude picture of yourself, it might be like, you know, 10 bucks. but all of a sudden you get some guy in there, it's like, i'll give you like 500 bucks for just a picture of your feet with your socks half off or something like that. you're probably like, this is a good day at work for a guy like me.
43:19 that's like when i get sponsored to play a roguelike that i was planning to play on that same day anyway. i was just waiting to see if i cooked. oh, and then the tree damp. oh! oh! it got a perfect kill. a squirrel punched it and almost got it into the hole. no shot. that would have been great if it had more power. that one easily could have killed me. off the branch. off the branch and in. motherfucker. the hook will bring you back? i don't think so.
45:04 people probably be crazy for you because you're a toe walker. i honestly think my feet are like nothing special, man. i mean like as in as far as feet can be muscular, i think my feet are relatively muscular because they're supporting like all of my weight on like half the foot. but like the toes are a little hairy, the nails, i mean a little... i don't take that much care when i trim my toenails. some of them got a nice little curve, some of them a little too square.
45:39 and there's a like on the the ball of both feet a huge fucking callous like john turturro mr. deeds style callous. so i think it's i mean it might appeal to a to a niche but i think it wouldn't be like a blockbuster let's put it that way. keep going? well like i get what you're saying and i think that's funny but also there's nothing more to say man they're just they're just feet. 200 people left?
46:16 if you ever talk about anything related to like us being human beings, people are like, i can't watch this. i'm out of here. it's so fucking depressing, man. i came here to forget about foot fetishes, not to be exposed to them. what the fuck are you talking about, bro? you came here because your dopamine receptors are fucking fried like the rest of us. you ain't special. oh, wait, wait, wait. curve it. oh, the arc just ain't quite right. not even close. that's sickening.
47:12 not me, i'm not even stoned. what if i've ever been high on a weekday, man? i have to think about it. wait, even in college? i didn't have the hookup and it wasn't legal yet. so instead, thanks to the canadian government not legalizing pot until 2015, we just drank like 14 beers a day, three times a week. oh, and a little, they were like 4%? no, they weren't, bro. they were five and a half. they were james reddy's.
48:02 occasionally your friend's older brother would pull up with like some fucking maudite or something like that, some lafin du monde, you know, some unibrew shit. all of a sudden you're drinking, i've only had four beers. yeah bro, those french belgians were 9% each motherfucker! double ipa, the greatest thing to drink if you want to induce diarrhea before you're even done with being drunk. 100%, 100%. they got ipas at 12% now. when is enough going to be enough, man?
49:02 100%? no, because they're gonna like superheat the water or something so it can absorb more solvents or more solubles i suppose. but you get the... they're gonna find a way. they're gonna make a bud heavy. hold, hold. how does he know? i lived with a bunch of engineers, man. so of course, i know, oh dude, we just bought beer but the beer's not cold. what do you want to do, drink warm beer? impossible. here we go. let's go buy a bunch of fucking rock salt.
49:49 and pour it in the lukewarm water in a stainless steel bowl and then wrap every beer can in paper towels and then like stir it for half an hour. what are we doing man? they think we're fucking stupid. off the trunk? off the trunk! i got 44 minutes, this can definitely get done. embarrassing shot. even worse. lost my mojo.
50:56 spiritually, this is trick shot simulator. i'll take it a step further. there's only a few different kinds of games on the earth. one is trick shot simulator. one is incremental games. these might, as of right now, i feel like these are the only two genres that like exist as distinct silo entities. what's pong? pong is trick shot simulator. that's obvious. and now i've proven my point. isaac? isaac is an incremental game.
51:39 as you play you unlock stuff that makes it easier. off the tree, off the tree and in. chess? okay i'm willing to accept there might be a third kind of game but i don't know what it is. the third kind of game might be like street fighter. like a fighting game. that's one on one, completely skill dependent. but there's certainly not 15 genres of games. what the fuck? effectively your brain transmutes every video game into one of three experiences. boredom?
52:30 frustration or temporary bliss. way too much power. and honestly, frustration is the best type of video game, man. i stand by that. i'd say fun's the best kind of music. you're given the same vibes as the person in the discord this morning that said they listen to music for pump up vibes, okay? and i refuse to elaborate.
53:33 they're valid by the way. i said they're valid. if anything, i said that they're valid because i still hear waka waka this time for africa at least once a month no matter where i am in the world. so obviously there's at least 2 billion people who are mostly just like this song's catchy. you know? they don't think about it any deeper than that. wait. that was a candidate. god, i hate that fucking song, man.
54:12 i hate that soooooong. anyone here canadian? i really hate that soooooong. i hate that soooooong. does anyone, can someone save me? do you know what i'm referencing here? yes, yes i know. yeah, that's big rec, yeah. i hate, i love that soooooong. brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr. wayyyyyy ha! ooh.
54:46 i really hate that tune that i sit and stare, cuz this is rare. i really hate that tune. i hate that song. oh shit. the zootopia version is nightmare fuel? bro, that's try everything. and actually, so you got your shakira confused, but the zootopia 2 song is way worse.
55:16 we live in a crazy world caught in the rat race. caught in the crazy world caught in the rat race. that's not shakira, that's gazelle. my bad. that's gazelle. canonically speaking, i can't disagree. song from rat races peak. you talking about all star? foot fetishes be like, you're my little shoe thing. i don't give a hoot if your boots stink. yeah, yeah, yeah. no, we can do this. i want a co writing credit though.
56:03 i don't give a hoot if your boots stank. i still like also every time i'm forced to interface with any disney property immediately in my head no one sucks like gaston, no one fucks like gaston, no one turns more husbands into cucks than gaston. i'm especially good at penetrating
56:38 please fuck my wife you gaston! like i just, the lyrics do not, the real lyrics do not fucking exist in my head. that's the only thing that exists in my head whenever i see any animated character. you keep bleeding viewers? when i'm fucked up that's the real me. that's all you need to know. hold. in my head though, anybody leaving the stream it's because like their mom's in the room while they were watching and they're like this shit's embarrassing to watch.
57:39 with my mom in the room. buddy, i mean she was just around you while you watched three hours of me playing star wars monopoly so like i think she knows what kind of person she's dealing with. i mean she fucking raised you. not gonna, oh, oh my mom might get a vision of what my true character is like. buddy, she's fucking what you're made of. you're made of her bro. she knows who you are. there is no escape bro. you're seen.
58:09 you can't take a picture of this. it's already fucking gone. not enough fade on that. my mom got annoyed when you started learning mandarin. is your mom chinese? because that actually seems like really valid. it seems like it'd probably be like annoying as fuck. one suck ahead of the cum shot. oh shit, that's good. one blow ahead of the splooge. ice berm, only what i can have. we can make this work. we can make this work.
59:06 oh shit. anyway, forgot what i was talking about. also, i'll say it again. i said it once, people took issue with it. watch peter pan. peter pan is gay. there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but all the fucking baddie mermaids at pirate's cove are like fighting over peter pan. ladies, he's fucking gay. are you stupid?
59:50 watch him for like five seconds. you're literally trying to kill wendy for having the audacity to be female in the vicinity of peter pan. you're trying to fucking drown wendy. you don't fucking get it, man. he's also like 10. he's not 10, he's like, isn't he like older than the universe or something? he's like some kind of
1:00:23 extra dimensional being, for sure. the rules of normal life do not apply to peter pan. fuck physics. he's operating on some kind of cosmic laws of nature. wait. oh, we're knock, knock, knocking. knocking on bucket day's door. you guys know what i'm talking about when i say that? no? give me a sec, i'll pull it up. i haven't thought about that in a long time.
1:01:10 knock knock knocking on buckaday's door. well, even the ai is stumped bro. you may be interested in the no bad days cafe in vancouver buck a day commercial. here we buckaday. yes, good. i'm smarter than you. gemini. i'm fucking smarter than you. oh shit.
1:01:49 you can get an ibm
1:02:02 i wanna get an ibm for you. now you can stop wishing and get your ibm pc for $9.99 or just a buck a day. it's easier than ever with no payments, no interest for six months. get performance supreme with a 1.7 gig intel processor, 128 meg st ram, 40 gig drives, cd writer... they have 128 megs of ram, might cost more than that now.
1:02:24 buck a day can approve you for no interest, no payments for six months, but you must call now! get your ibm pc for $9.99 or just a buck a day from the buck a day company! call now! uh, $999 or a buck a day? yeah, i think i'll be going with a buck a day. i'd be stupid not to. you think you really wanna clone? no way!
1:02:54 do you think you really want a clone? no! canada's awesome, man. how about this one? over 3 million people have one. this one broke my computer. do you have one? this broke my computer! my computer is completely bricked. are you still experiencing the stream? my ui has completely collapsed. youtube video that broke my computer. chrome!
1:03:38 chrome come back! one second, this is a control shift escape moment. it's gonna have to be that google chrome instance. task ended? i brought it back. restore pages? chrome didn't shut down properly. yeah, i'll fucking say. do you think you really wanna chrome? no way! anyway.
1:04:22 anyway, there was another commercial from this company, bucket day, that went, knock, knock, knockin', knock, knock, knockin', knockin' on bucket day's door! i'm just glad the stream didn't go down, man. okay, normal golf game. i know you, no, no, no, i think we might have to close and reopen normal golf game too. because this is what, oh shit, it's back. one suck, head of the semen, one blow, a head of the splooge.
1:05:15 oh man. and was, trust me. oh, in my fucking travels? i've met some people that would not find that fucking funny. wait, wait. i spit only when i don't use lube and that's every day. that's one suck ahead of the semen, one blow ahead of the splooge. i spit only when i don't have lube and that's always. yes, man.
1:05:56 this is huge! this is huge for us! anyway, i'm done. no, you don't even say, can i do gay uncle cracker for you, okay? because this is, i know what you're gonna say. you're gonna say, swallow me, and then everything is just gonna flow from that. you're gonna go, swallow me, everything is all right. wrong asshole. oh shit, it's gonna be like, talk on my penis and,
1:06:40 grease my balls, i wanna get, well like, okay, what is it? and suck away. i wanna get fucked to some rock and roll, give me the beach boys and free my soul. oh man.
1:07:12 give me the big boys to pee in my hole. see, this is why you have to be careful with the gay parodies, because many of you don't seem to understand the difference between like a fetish and a sexual orientation. so many bits from chat have started with like, can i do a gay version of led zeppelin? and then it ends up being about like poop or pee or something like that. and i'm like, that's not gay. that's poop and pee. that's two different things.
1:07:40 three different things. they don't get it. you're literally erasing all of my straight brothers and sisters who are in the poop and pee. it's offensive. now i gotta fucking give me the beach boys and free my soul rattling around in there. give me a deep boys and fill my hole. okay. i think it's made funnier by the fact that he strikes me as a fella who's very serious about his music.
1:08:25 see this, i wanna, i want you to blow your load in my rotten hole? like, like what is, what is that? what is rotten hole? rotten hole. that's disgusting. vile. and has absolutely nothing to do with the subject matter at hand. pimping me, i do it every night. no, no, this was not an invitation for more suggestions in the, in the vein, okay? i think we've, we've established that this bit has gone as far as it could, it peaked at
1:09:17 i spit only when i don't have lube. it peaked there and now we're just on the very rapid descent. this is going in, man. can you do a gay version of stacy's mom? literally easy. just change the singer to a lady. done. sorted. the old reddit switcheroo. i'm starting to lose confidence.
1:10:42 starting to? i mean we had some close calls that gave me a little bit of confidence. wait! i'm so back! can't you do that with any song? yes, spinny boy, but they asked me to do it with stacy's mom, okay? that's why we did it. you fuck with dirty work? the micro show? i gotta lock in. i gotta lock in. no, i wish that i was jesse's girl! why can't i find a woman like that? let me introduce you.
1:11:55 ryder meet horse. horse meet rider. you still think you're gonna get this today? easily. easily. we just need to get... we just need to get into a rhythm. just need to get into a rhythm. we gotta extend the one arm a little bit. anyone know when this comes out, by the way, because i can't wait? got the type of shit that's like, i'll write you a letter tomorrow because tonight i can't hold a pen. like, i can't hardly wait.
1:12:46 this summer? different song. that's the hold steady. i was talking about the replacements. but thank you for the feedback. wait, this is really good. this is also really good. oh, just a little bit more. oh. not bad, y'all. good context, straight shot, slight curve, eight inches in thick. no, it's a little off. too much power, a little off. has there ever been an mlb pitcher who only throws fastballs?
1:14:07 like he just, his fastballs that fast. mariano rivera. da da da da da. da new york yankees. sorry, i'm intellectually deteriorating at an alarming pace. chapman's a very high percentage of fastballs. the lady who wrote fast car. the lady who said, oh give me more room to stay here. why not turn right back around? is there anything she can't do?
1:15:11 know the picture that grabbed his mom's boobs? bro, we all grabbed our mom's boobs when we were babies, probably. wait, he did it last year? okay, how old is he? two, three? he's 48! and donked it! little off to the right. we're knocking on the door though. way off to the right. good power though, i like that power.
1:16:24 it's kind of crazy to think statistically there's at least one person out here who's played the demo that got a hole in one on their very first shot of the tutorial. i think that's beautiful. no shot? i mean, i don't want to blevens this, but like hitting a hole in one doesn't seem difficult at all. it seems like it's just a matter of chance. it's like the more the more shots you take the more likely you are to hit a hole in one. it's that simple. i didn't say it's 50 50.
1:17:16 i just said the more shots you take, the more likely you are to hit a hole in one. if you put a million people on a par 3 and had them all, gave them all a driver, and then had them take a drive, like 5,000 are gonna hit a hole in one. absolutely. why a driver? because it doesn't matter! it's 50 50! off the tree. ohhhhh! that looks fucking clean, man. literally was a dunk.
1:18:22 kind of sold on that one. that looks really good. oh, if it just hit a fucking, if it hit a branch that's in there. honestly, i think i have a revolutionary tactic. i think we should stance up so we hit the top of the ball more and then we're more likely to roll it in. you want the opposite? no, i don't, i wanna get more roll and less time in the air. the dunk is aura though.
1:19:26 i mean a hole in one is a lot of aura to begin with. it's still a lot of aura. see and then it just rolls like right into the hole right there. i went max up, max right on this bounty. don't tell me that don't tell me i'm not the first person on earth that's going to complete this. where the hell do you get off? union station, real original. fuck it, fuck it. maybe we do want this. come on now. that obviously was a... you're not gonna mark that as a stroke. don't be churlish.
1:20:35 don't be whiny or else my brother i might have to get medieval on your high knee. you know what i'm talking? i know you fucking know what i'm talking about. oh too much power, i don't know what you're talking about. you've never seen any media but streams, you know what's actually scary is that this is becoming like the average person now. oh
1:21:20 the average person watches two movies a year and 3,000 hours of 10 second long algorithms or videos. and we wonder why the culture is sick, man. on the bright side, do have lots of innovative ways to gamble now. oh! and it can't be that bad because it did get us the michael jackson tiktok impersonator video. hee hee. can i get a large popcorn? not even close, man.
1:22:04 a little closer. better, closer, warmer. yeah, we don't get a reference to a parody song from 30 years ago, society's fallen. it's not a parody song from 30 years ago, it's amish paradise. that's like saying the bible's an old book. it's different. it's like more special somehow. it occupies a cultural place of greater import, buddy. that's amish paradise you're talking about. one of weird al's top 10 songs. and then the lucky bounce.
1:22:56 my super lucky bounce. librarian, i know you know what i'm talking about. you're my lucky bounce, my super lucky bounce. and that looks good for a tree shot. oh! a little too much mustard on that one. what did chet holmgren say? it feels like that would be perfect for a game in which we're sinking long shots in golf that have to hit a tree. just hanging tray poles, something like that.
1:24:03 o.d. ben. 54 from treyball is o.d. shooting hang pulls. that's right, thank you, thank you. that's exactly what i was looking for. empower67, thanks for the gifted subscriptions. thank you. wait, this could be clean.
1:24:45 i ratioed chet holmgren on twitter. you know he's a professional basketball player and you live every second of your life online, right? that's a home game for you. if you really want to impress me, hold him to zero points in the nba finals. as far as i'm concerned, i would expect that he spends most of his time playing basketball, you spend most of your time typing, i would expect you to post better than chet holmgren. no, not too much. cleared your throat for that. i could feel the mucus getting there. literally the stream has to end exactly at 2 p.m. so i can have a
1:25:36 cold brew, lem sip. it'll keep me going. we made it through the day. that's the important part. or a daquilate. a daquilate would be so nice, man. fuck you. you sound a lot worse than when you started. yeah, i gave myself no liquid on today's stream. star of the fever fucking desiccated cold. why not? i was too locked in. wait. and then a little kick. i didn't want to let my team down in monopoly. this could kick. this could kick.
1:26:57 i'm so glad monopoly is over. what the fuck is your problem with monopoly, bro? it's a classic game the whole family loves. oh, do you hate it because the rules are simple and if you bring it to board game night, you can actually like play it? you can actually play the game instead of just reading the rule book for two hours? plus it has a lot of dice skins. yeah, did you see we haven't even unlocked most of them yet. i am an officer of the ibs.
1:27:40 i used to work for a big donut retailer in portland and staff told me for a while we had a nyquil donut till the fda said they couldn't anymore. well, i hope you kept their contact information because there's nobody around to stop them anymore. also, i don't think you should consume nyquil unless you're sick. and apparently, even zquil, if you take zquil to sleep, the active ingredient like, you know, pokes holes in your brain or something like that. so,
1:28:16 i'm not saying you should consume it. if you're sick, you can probably tank it though. because it's like not getting into your body anyway because all your shit's fucked up. but the flavor of nyquil is pretty good. it tastes pretty good. it tastes like shit from ass. it literally tastes like cherry. cherry baby cherry. won't you come out tonight? cherry. wait.
1:28:59 cherry baby, cherry baby. old ass frankie valli still cooks you? no shot, bro! he's performing with the muppets right now. i didn't feel good about saying that, but somebody gotta get my man out of there. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
1:29:51 even with the rock of fire explosion he toast your ass. he's more ripped than you it had that energy you had that energy radiating off your comment shut the fuck up. he's more ripped than you are please that's a great kid. oh it's a little too heavy or maybe yeah too heavy. i mean that would be so perfect. oh shit, i thought that was too much power man. whoops. oh
1:31:01 that is actually a great bit to do a frankie valli stream where you record, you pre record the stream but then go live with the audio from the stream playing and you lip sync your own bits and see how long it takes chat to notice that you're lip syncing your own bits. you know after a few minutes you would get people being like, the audio doesn't quite match up with the video. like is twitch having a problem?
1:31:33 well, i think it would take a while until anybody was like, maybe he pre recorded the whole stream and he's lip syncing the bits. could be a good idea. that's an amazing shot if we put 20% more power on it. guys, last week i saw a magic show and the magician did a trick where he asked someone in the audience to think of a word, but then he never asked them what the word was, okay? until the end of the show,
1:32:34 when he said, just out of curiosity, what was your word? and then they said, oh, my word was this. and he went, oh, weird word. wait a second. and then he grabbed like a chalkboard that he'd written the number down on earlier and flipped it around. and it looked like the word that she had thought of. and for like five minutes, i was like, this dude is actually fucking psychic. and then i, it sucks being old.
1:33:04 because i ran it through the adult filter on my brain and i was like, wait, that's not a trick. she was a plant. there's no craft in that at all. the lady that was in the audience was, she works with you. even though she said she'd never met him before in their life. they wouldn't just lie at a magic show, would they? gone for an hour, you're still on this hole? buddy, not everybody can be kim jong un, okay?
1:33:58 i guess kim jong il was the golfer. i don't know, kim jong un might hit the links. might play some golf club 2022. they both golf? of course they do, they're rich. okay, wait, wait, wait. couple of boards this way. this is harder than i want to be the guy. wait, wait, wait, hear me out here? you guys like the strokes? you guys like marie antoinette by sofia coppola?
1:34:47 i wanna be the guy and i don't wanna be. we can make this work. i said please don't make this harder. no, i won't yet. that chatter could be a plan. chatter, i've never met you before, right? you can go now, we release you. oh shit, okay, okay, ready? and i walk away from the keyboard. what? drow.
1:35:40 i mean we gotta get like one good one before we leave. we can leave after one good one. one, just one good one. this could be it man. not good enough. it has to be within four feet of the goal. i know your horny ass just fucking perked up when i said four feet. change stance? stance is fine. stance is fine brother. nothing wrong with my stance. check your stance. motherfucker that was good too. you think they'd ever make a movie about bob dylan? they never, they never could.
1:36:42 is he contains too many multitudes they'd have to film it in like 6d has to have a chance man he drives fast cars he eats fast food yeah all food is fast if you meal prep though checkmate bobby macbook pro bobby oh what have i done i was just flailing the mouse what's your favorite metaphor that big boy has ever used to describe how cool he is there's
1:38:01 certainly in at aliens he says i'm cooler than a polar bear's toenails. that's our close one that's our close one for sure. but then in in so fresh so clean doesn't he say he's cooler than a penguin drinking a milkshake in a blizzard or something? that's a freddy jackson sipping a milkshake in a snowstorm. that's it. that's it. now that's cold. all right