Nobody cared who I was until I put on the vest (Normal Golf Game)

Name: Nobody cared who I was until I put on the vest (Normal Golf Game)
Uploaded: 2026-07-06
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "Nobody cared who I was until I put on the vest (Normal Golf Game)" (Normal Golf Game) — 109 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-07-06Normal Golf Game

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0:00 jim carrey made himself into a scary looking puppet now. it's his fault. normalize not talking about public figures appearances unless you're gonna say the streamer looks skinny and healthy today. how do you feel about that? okay, perfect accuracy. it ends today man. can i... i was thinking last night, i was theory crafting what we could do to make this a little bit easier. and i thought one thing we could do is come here
0:30 and then i just need to... where's the green bro? it's there, okay. just try to get like a slightly different angle on it. and then i mean we're basically starting from scratch here but... okay you ready? isn't this slay the spire camera? no, this would be covering the seed and all of the relics that i get from the shovel. hope that helps on my beautiful a10 victories. and we do love them though, we love a10. we've been winning non stop. i don't know if you've been watching the videos. they are getting sick of it, they're saying...
1:09 they're saying we hate to see you win so much. you have to start from the bounty? i don't think so. i don't think so. at the bounty challenge is right up there. this seems way harder, man. reporting for duty. okay, hold it, hold it, hold it. move your stance back a bit. okay, we're going to get lots of comments like this. i'd love for you to explain. instead of just telling me what to do, provide a reasoning. surely we can break it down into science.
1:53 what does moving your stance forward and back do? instead of just saying do it, what does it do? stance back equals more forwards. back equals more chippy. in real golf, it creates loft or your ball goes closer to the ground. so i'd imagine the closer you get to the ball, the more loft you have. the further away you get, the more chip you have. the more roll, to use an industry term.
2:35 but we don't even need that because we literally just hit the hole in one right there. you hit the ball earlier in your swing? you would think that you, every single person in this chat trained at the academy of socrates. they're allergic to giving you a straight answer. if i were to do the same swing, how would it be affected if i moved closer to the ball versus further away? i would hit it earlier in my swing. how would that manifest in the results on the ball?
3:20 launch angle. oh my god, fucking buck martinez in the chat. no, we're just gonna keep toughing it out. because you honestly, if you want to give advice, i'm gonna give you some fucking advice. you suck at giving advice. give advice better. how can i do that? figure it out. that's exactly what you're doing to me, so i'm gonna do it to you. and then i'm gonna hit a hole in one. put me in the clip. look at that, we were mighty fucking close. even that one's pretty good, bro. it's gonna kerplunk, but it's pretty good. okay, hold on. best day, july 3rd. i did say in my discord this morning
4:03 it's crazy if you take canada day off, everyone goes this is a fake holiday. meanwhile, not a single american live, not a single american live on july 3rd, which is not even the holiday. not a single person in the entire country live. and you're going to say justin is live, he wasn't at 5 30 a.m. when i was looking for a stream to put on while i was on the peloton. that must be a recent innovation.
4:29 now i know he's live now because i went into his chat to do a 104 month resub and say one egg because he is playing rhythm heaven. so obviously like i'm aware of that information. reporting for duty. you know what i was thinking? dan streams so early, he streams 6 am pacific time, so 9 am eastern. i'm gonna save him from the game drought. he has to get into the sips eu mecha chameleon lobbies.
5:15 i don't know if he's got the opportunity to watch this clip. you need to message sips and pretend to be european so you can get in on the eu mecha chameleon lobbies. it'll be a clip factory, man. i don't know if his internet can handle it. they're gonna figure it out, okay? hey, uleka, thanks for the gifted subscriptions. thank you. it's a recipe for disaster. i mean, he literally just spent like a month in europe, right?
5:52 i mean, i don't really know how destination x handles the ponderosa. maybe he spent like six days in europe and then like three weeks sequestered in like a holiday inn in new jersey or something like that, but i'm assuming he spent a good amount of time in europe at least. hold, hold, hold. this could be a tree kerplunk. it was all filmed in vancouver. wait, wait, wait, that's awesome! the camera kind of fucked us, but that was amazing, bro!
6:38 that was incredible. it touched the hole for the first time. me on destination v? yeah, this is the no bad days coffee shop close to the sheraton wall center. sir, we haven't even taken your blindfold off yet. yeah, i could smell it. i could smell the queen of mons. maybe you're right. maybe forward. backward stance gives more top, which would make it chip better. no, no, no. it makes it... well, let me think about this. let's see how this one flies. it flies lower
7:28 rolls more. okay, we would actually prefer to be closer so it lobs more and rolls less. are you wearing lipstick today, enel? no, i just shaved so the natural redness of my lips is on full display without you being distracted by my male secondary sex characteristics of a salt and pepper beard. they look normal? that's huge for me. i appreciate that. that's all i ever could ask for, to be honest.
8:09 you should try some. i mean clearly unlike some people i don't need it. this is looking a lot better. watching has earned you a drop. tap the box to claim. what do we got? thunderous chuckle emoji from marvel rivals. that's huge. i guess i finally watched my own stream for two hours. that's great news. let's go.
8:52 i'm so confident within the next half hour this is going in. and then we can finally get to the real meat of the stream which will be hitting a hole in one on the real hole. like these are looking alright and the way that they land and then roll is way better. thunderous chuckle was my high school nickname. no it wasn't, it was probably like your last name with e at the end. you were probably like millsy or banksy or something like that. faze banksy. has anyone ever done that? has anyone ever done faze banksy?
9:36 a lot of smart people out there, i feel like i can't be the first person to have come up with that. see that, even that, if i was just, even that, if i was 11 degrees to the left, that would have rolled in. you need a golden five iron to divide the time it takes to look inside and realize, you know what i'm talking about? i don't want to be controversial, top 50 outcast song without a doubt.
10:15 and it's not number 50, but i don't think it's in the top 10 either. it's top three? it's not a top three outkast song. that's the whitest thing ever said in this chat. and i mean, look at the streamer. zero mile an hour wind. but if you like fish and grits and all the pimp shit, everybody let me hear you say, oh yay or that's me in the crowd. in the crowd i'm going, oh yay or wait, no, not enough power. and then,
11:15 that's not even close to enough power. we got a bigger backswing. and then the draw with the extra lob might actually, that could work, that could work. stankonia or aquemini? i'm gonna aquemini stand through and through. stankonia is obviously great, even though it's the second best album of 2000 because it lost best record to i am a man of constant sorrow by the soggy bottom boys at the 61st annual grammy awards.
11:58 at ellion's really good too, but i'm an aquemini guy. and honestly, stankonia? i just don't like miss jackson anymore. i've just heard miss jackson too much. i can no longer give an honest opinion on the song. i love so fresh, so clean, i love bombs over baghdad, but i just... i don't need to hear miss jackson another time. hey ya? that's on the love below. a lot of people think that's on speakerbox. it's not on speakerbox. speakerbox has roses.
12:41 no it doesn't. that's the love below. speaker box has the way you move. speaker box or the love below? i mean we're playing the hits. i've got nothing against andre 3000. i think big boy is heavily underrated. wait a minute! i got a soft spot for sir luscious left foot, man. atelian's better? you heard the atelian so back the heck on off me. librarian, because we're drift compatible, knows if they're in chat they know.
13:27 i'm about to reference the shine blockas music video where they have all of the gucci man feature in black and white like he died even though he's still alive. i make music, i make movies, i need tyler perry sales. hailey welch loves outkast? why wouldn't she? she made one viral clip and now all of a sudden we're supposed to be like oh surprised that she likes good music? a lot of people like outkast man. what about idlewild? listen, morris brown
14:18 pretty good song. idlewild, i mean they weren't doing their best on that one. this is in the hole. this is in the f**king hole, man. i'm bouncing on it. hold. that's nothing. he doesn't just have the haptic vest. i do have that. you know what? maybe we should just put the vest on just to get used to the body feel of it. it doesn't actually, like unless the game has a mod that supports it, it won't have any effect.
15:11 but i could just put it on and like feel silly man. just give me a second. it's too hot? i don't think so. not to it's basically like a blanket and i've been uh, i've been ill anyway. one sec, one sec. gotta zip it up. it's kind of sleek. wait, this is awesome bro. this is awesome. i feel like such a cool guy right now. i feel like robocop. i feel like robocop. don't call me dr. respect. oh man.
16:14 oh, it feels good. you know what? i think it's already improved my posture too. i feel more powerful. oh no, no, no, no, no, no. i'm just joking. i'm just messing with you. it doesn't have any compatibility in this game yet. this is funny, man. i do kind of feel like, well, if it was the first of the month that we put this on, i'd be dancing a little different. let's put it that way. ooh, and what? imagine, imagine. it feels like the damn venom suit, man. that's way too hard.
17:02 yeah luke, can we get some haptic feedback added to the game? i've never spoken to you before. can i call you luke? is your name luke? the third of the month when the first is a stat holiday? wake up! wake up! get up! get i don't know, maybe the checks come a day early. honestly, honestly have no idea. what are you wearing? it's a haptic vest, bro. it provides immersion generating force feedback in a host of different video games, including slay the spire 2 which we're gonna check out at noon. does it vibrate? yeah, it vibrates.
17:57 you know i'm gonna have the beast at 200%. does it heal you irl when you have burning blood? i was thinking like there's some cards that feel so good to play. there should be like one right on like your thoracic vertebrae that like vibrates right up through your brain stem. like when you play apotheosis, it should send a little like a depth charge into the base of your spine that generates an instantaneous moment of pure euphoria.
18:41 if you can play on if on turn one, you can play a one cost apotheosis, oh man. it should it should be like the cake that the merovingian... i don't know if he made it or the chef made it or he obviously was proud of the recipe, but you know what i'm talking about? yeah, like some kind of good meningitis. i also do feel like, yes, it's haptic, but they need to take it to the next level. it needs to shock you.
19:24 and not just when you get struck by lightning damage or something, but if something goes wrong, it should be like the milgram experiment. it should actually hurt a little bit. because then it would motivate you to be better at the video game. this is how the soviets were training for olympic hockey back in the day, man. this is what gave us pavel bure and alexander mcgilney.
19:58 i did see when i installed the app for the vest to work, i did see that there is like streaming compatibility. if chad donates money, the donation alert can trigger a vibration. i just don't think that's the kind of vibe i'm cultivating on stream, but i'm sure it's useful for a lot of people. hold, hold, hold. wait, this looks like the best shot i've ever had.
20:33 it even has a slight draw to it. oh, and the weight on it was fucking perfect, bro. soon. just got here, what is the vest for? personal protection. i'm literally just exercising my rights and freedoms. no helmet? what if they shot you in the face?
21:22 i really feel like this guy that when i used to go to the gym, i would always see him running and for some reason he wore not just a weighted vest which is like something that i can understand but he wore like a canadian military issued weighted tack vest with like the sewn canadian flag on it and everything and then he would go to the gym and run on the treadmill
21:50 at like a very leisurely pace for like 12 minutes and then leave the gym. i was always like, there's gotta be like, i feel like the setup time had to be like triple the amount of time that you actually spent doing the cardio! he could have been recording tarkov audio. he could have... how do i look though, to be honest?
22:33 do i look as cool as i feel? i will say when i tried it on, kate punched me in the stomach like 10 times and i didn't feel it at all. it felt awesome. i actually felt like when...
22:50 like the good guys are too late to the evil science laboratory and then the monster like busts out of the incubation chamber or whatever and then they're like whatever we're strong so they start punching the monster but then the monster just goes like like it didn't hurt at all man. now what if it was like the suits in black panther where it stored the momentum
23:26 and then you could, like i could go, there it is right there. i go, hit you with like a kinetic blast or something like that. this could be okay. oh, it's gonna be slight. it's gonna be way off. and this is gonna be way in bro. hold. do you relate to cypher from the matrix? i mean a little bit, but i honestly, with god as my witness, i'm not saying i would be happy on the nebuchadnezzar. like i don't,
24:33 i don't think that that's like a very comfortable environment. but i think once i got on the nebuchadnezzar, i would normalize. because i think that's what human beings are actually good at. like i don't think i would waste my time imagining like, oh, what if agonizing over why oh why didn't i take the blue pill, you know? i think i would be like, damn, the gruel is kind of like surprisingly good today. you know how like sometimes
25:01 you're sick of your mom's cooking when you're a kid and then one day you're like really hungry and it just hits different. you're like, wait, food is like so tasty when you're hungry. i think that's what i'd be like on the nebuchadnezzar. at first you'd be like damn gruel again but then you'd be like oh my god it's only 15 minutes till lunch time. gruel! i mean it would be nice if it was like a spicy chicken sandwich but at least it's filling the belly.
25:35 don't say no, by the way. like you never had... listen, my mom's a good cook too. she's a better cook now than she was when i was a kid, but she was a good cook then too. but not every meal hit the same back then. okay? sometimes she was making curry and the curry was really good. and sometimes she was making roast beef, but like they grew up in an era where they were very, very, very concerned with food safety. so the roast beef was always well done. okay?
26:04 and when you ask your mom what's for dinner and she says, you know, oh we're having like rotisserie chicken and mashed potatoes tonight, you're like let's go. and if she says like roast beef you're like okay well we go again. when you get home after eight hours of school and she says she's experimenting for dinner. okay but like she just got off probably like
26:29 eight hours of work plus also commuting to work plus also getting you ready for school and handling your pickup too. so you're why are you acting like you're the victim in this? plus she's the one cooking and you're acting like you're acting like she like screwed you in this situation. i didn't ask to be born. yeah, but neither did she bro. wait when you're nine you're not thinking about all that. that's true. me like age 12.
27:11 knowing that dinner is gonna be in two minutes, but starting a new match of halo anyway, being like maybe this one will only take two minutes. maybe i'll get disconnected a minute into the game and then i won't be late for dinner. come on, man. mom, it's a clan match. you said you'd get me a chocolate milk and you didn't! that makes you a liar! halo didn't exist when you were 12.
27:51 true, but it existed when i was 13. but they didn't have online multiplayer until halo 2. you stupid motherfucker, you never heard of xbox connect via gamespy? fucking asshole. dickhead.
28:08 and that was, you're gonna say, oh yeah, but you have no idea how to port forward? yeah, i did bro, cause that was back in the day when everyone had the same linksys that looked like this. it looked like the fucking devil and you actually could port forward without having to call your isp and going, please, ted rogers, please, can you open my ports for me? i want to play civilization iv, can you open my ports for me, please? i've been a very good boy. pissing me the fuck off, man.
28:48 the vest is changing him. i gotta learn all the miranda rights so that i can not say them. imagine if we got a fucking balance on that one though. canada has miranda rights? i honestly don't know. i'm assuming we kind of do it a little similar to you guys. we don't? really? so they could they just arrest you? cops can just arrest us?
29:46 blaming us, we're held like hostages. thanks for finishing the lyric. i forgot. i knew it was nos but i forgot. wait. oh, it's just slightly off. okay, okay. hang on. i'll keep you froze like heron in your nose. nos and rockwell, it ain't hard to tell. goosefraaba. any plans on monday or you think you'll still be doing this? hey, you ever hear beachcomber by real estate?
30:43 unfortunately has some mighty good guitar work and also some lessons i think you could learn about the... truculent question you just asked. let's go on kerplunk. chat, are there any more games in vancouver by the way? or is our world cup officially over? i think we have one game in the round of 16, don't we? do we know who it is yet? swiss vs. colombia or ghana? damn. you can tell the swiss fucking loved being in vancouver bro, they refused to lose.
31:40 they pulled up for that group stage game and said, i don't want to leave. you can't make me go. same bio? that's actually pretty true, i think. usa belgium in seattle saturday night. wait, wait. the usa belgium is playing seattle on saturday night. wait, that doesn't work. that's supposed to be grey slam by paul simon featuring rockwell. the usa and belgium are shining like a national guitar.
32:30 old? not good. it's literally like one of the best songs of the 1980s without a doubt and it's from one of the best albums of the 1980s. are you rooting for all concacaf teams? i do not support all concacaf teams. some of you teams is rude as hell. what kind of? i don't know. i haven't really like... i'm obviously rooting for team canada and i'm also rooting for mexico and then i have complicated thoughts on team usa.
33:17 i mean, i don't know what else to say really. i just hope everyone has fun. i do not hope everyone has fun. there's a couple of guys in the world cup that i would love to have a little bit less fun. and for various different reasons. like i hope nobody on team morocco has any fun on saturday. wait, where's the game? maybe if the game's in like philadelphia or something, maybe they can go out for a cheesesteak afterwards. houston? ah, they're fucked. okay, well we don't have to worry about anyone having any fun then. the game's in texas.
34:01 wait... what the hell was that damn joke? into the white picket fence. did you feel like patrick bateman with the music takes? no, because i do feel like most people respect paul simon's graceland. it's, you know, it's canonized for a good reason. hold, hold. i respect simon and garfunkel more. actually, like a crazy take. simon and garfunkel, i mean, this is the difference between
35:10 song enjoyers and album enjoyers. okay, now i'm not gonna say simon and garfunkel don't have a couple of good albums, but as a bass giga chat album enjoyer, simon's solo career clears the simon and garfunkel oeuvre. he was working on something a little different. that's not a knock on garfunkel. i honestly don't know what the hell garfunkel was up to at any point before or after the band.
35:50 you look healthy and good right now. thank you for that, thank you. no one cared who i was until i put on the vest. that literally still could make it. it looks like the trajectory the minions had when they were flying the plane. this game's hard, man. you're quite upbeat for loving such depressing music. i don't think the music's depressing. i think good songs make me feel good, even if they do say something like, uh, what she asked of me at the close of the day caligula would have blushed.
36:41 she said, you're stuck in the house too long, she said. so i naturally fled. okay, hold. something about it. maybe i'm just a deeper thinker than the average person. crossed my mind before. yeah, i'd be way more depressed if i had to listen to waka waka this time for africa like 10 times a day because my brain was sending out like happy chemicals when it came on. i would fucking, i would be so depressed, man.
37:21 it was goated back then, not if you were like over 14 years old or had like any interiority or any standards when it came to the kind of media you like to digest. we will never be roy wait but that song's actually pretty good. i think the royals is pretty good man. i literally don't know another lorde song but i think royals is good. there was some heat in 2014 or so. the mother we share by tverchis. fancy by iggy azalea.
38:18 it was good the 150th time on the radio when i was working at little caesars. oh, it'll be putting the hot and readies in the oven to the sounds of waka waka this time for africa. they really can't i guess airpods didn't exist back then. if you're working at little caesars, they should let you listen to your own music, man. that shit should be enshrined in the charter of human rights and freedoms! ugh!
38:49 we live in a crazy world caught in the rat race. that was a great fucking shot too, holy cow. even this one looks pretty freaking good. a little too much power but it might dunk on him! oh. only reason we are here is to celebrate. no shot bro. that wasn't too bad. i'm not dressed up as dr. disrespect, okay? lots of people wear tack vests on stream. not just him.
39:32 a lot of people do it for a lot of different reasons, okay? name one other person. starting at noon today i can name two other people. that will absolutely win me the argument. wait... hold, hold. did you guys read that article on defector about trinket box purveyors are melting down?
40:18 about the lady in philadelphia who opened a little free library for trinkets, like little blind box toys and stuff like that. but then it worked for a while and people were like dropping off a trinket and taking a trinket, but then she got pissed off because people were starting to like take a trinket but drop off a cool rock. and then she made a video that was like stop putting rocks in the trinket library and then people in the comments were like that's not a normal rock, that's like a special rock that some people might find value in.
40:49 so they had to put a lock on the... they moved the little free trinket library inside of like a coffee shop and now to do a trade you have to talk to a staff member and the staff member will ensure that there's a similar amount of value between the two trinkets that are being exchanged. obviously i heard about that. i mean, you guys spend a lot of time online. what are you doing not reading defector?
41:23 i'm sure like if you show me your screen time, i'm sure there's not seven and a half hours of other shit better than defector you're consuming on a daily basis. i do crosswords all day. it's actually kind of sweet. you're a vexillologist? what do they call vexillologist? my vest is bumping the microphone bro. what do you think about little free libraries? i got a lot of thoughts on them. i think they're a nice legally permissible act of urbanism, like civil urbanism.
42:09 i do think that... i really thought that might be the one. i do think that...
42:17 much like when you look at the average thing that people give to a thrift store people use it as a way to like guilt wash throwing out their garbage because they're like i'm not putting i'm not making waste i'm upcycling my book but nobody is pulling your like c sharp 2.0 for dummies out of the little free library until eventually like once every two years they clean it out and then just throw it out you're just making somebody else throw out your garbage, but
42:49 have i ever taken anything from a little free library? no. have i ever put 12 books i don't want to read in a little free library? absolutely. without a doubt.
43:01 also, you learn a lot about neighborhoods when you go to little free libraries and see the types of shit that people throw out. like, you get environmental storytelling. you get a lot of stuff about, like, transcendental meditation, crystals. obviously, this person went on a trip to australia, maybe in 2010, because they got a lonely planet australia guide here. oh! brrrrr! brrrrr!
43:36 but it is crazy when like you see that there's old people that have clearly donated like their college textbooks from when they went to university in 1978. it's like bro that's everything in that is wrong now. i'm not just gonna be like a random like law school student is gonna be walking by the little free library and be like oh shit i don't have to buy textbooks anymore for school. wow it's the exact syllabus that my professor offered me. who would have thought?
44:18 that being said, i also donated a bunch of hockey cards to little free libraries when i was in the hockey cards for like a month and then was like, i don't want this shit in my house. i bagged them all up and put them in little free libraries across town. and in a way, i was like, yes, i was giving away some garbage, but i was also like, if you're... because the way i use a little free library is like, i'll be walking around and my kid will be like, hey, there's a little free library. and then we take a look and see if there's anything she's interested in. and there's almost always nothing.
44:50 uh because people will literally put in like workbooks their own kids have done they'll put in like a a tracing workbook for like learning the english alphabet with the tracing already done into the little free library like what are we what am i gonna do with that it's so insane like these people these people are evil or i don't know dishonest at the very least uh
45:20 but if there were some hockey cards in there, she might be pogging up or she got like some common pokemon cards or something like that. who cares man? they don't need to have good pokemon cards. they're just gonna look at them the same way, you know, most of the millennials who are ruining the pokemon card market do. this is really... i thought it had more draw. hold.
46:10 the kids not have book fairs anymore? i mean they have book fairs, but like the stuff from the little free library is free. unfortunately it's free for a reason because it's usually like you don't want it anymore. there's a reason you don't want it. getting a crisp new bookmark on book fair day felt so good though. off the tree perfect angled...
46:43 they're still publishing ripley's? dude, i mean, i think i told this story on stream, but i was at a bookstore in vancouver like a month and a half ago with my daughter. she has the guinness book of world records 2025. she wanted the guinness book of world records 2024, but then we found it in the store and she was like, wait, this is like the same book.
47:06 like even the records are the same and i said yeah i know but maybe if we go back a little older it'll be different so i went into their like computer and they said they had a copy of
47:17 the guinness book of world records 2023, but i couldn't find it in the reference section. so i dragged a poor employee over to me and said, hey, your inventory says you have the guinness book of world records 2023, but i can't find it. and then he like called somebody and then he was like, oh yeah, we don't have that anymore. but if you want, we do have 2024, which is newer. and i said, buddy, you're not going to believe this.
47:45 the 2024 is actually too new because it's too much like the newest one, which is the one that we have, which is why she loves the book so much that she wants to get another one, but she has to get one that's old enough to not just be a copy of the one that she already has. old? i got one from like 01 at my dad's house. is that the one that has the most expensive bra? got a lot of mileage out of that one when i was in 2001. ooh, we needed some heavy air there.
48:32 what does that mean? there were... it was a guinness book of world records that had an entry for the most expensive bra worn at the victoria's secret fashion show. and my friend had the book, we would open it up and be like, check it out. look at this. heidi klum. if memory serves, i think it might've been adriana lima, but it's been a long time. it was. how'd you remember that? honestly, i remember a bunch of shit.
49:22 i'm sounds like i should be mad at you guys, you guys forget so much shit. oh, that was pretty good too. what is that? that's not that's not even making it over the fence. that's going way too far. i'm locking in for one shot and one shot alone. it deadass almost worked. isn't there a food that helps your memory? uh, i think all that stuff is basically cope. i think that's a young person cope.
50:30 i think that's young people looking at old people and going, my brain won't be like that when i'm old because i eat walnuts or something like that. and then when they... i'm not saying it doesn't provide maybe a certain degree of protection. i do remember i read something online that was like, well, like a long time ago because people have been telling me like, hey, if you want to keep your brain sharp, you have to use it. you have to do some crossword puzzles. that's why part of the reason we've been doing the daily dulls is to keep the brain sharp.
51:02 provide some neuroprotective support, right? i read something online that was like, yeah, actually scientists have no proof that doing these puzzles actually like staves off cognitive decline. but they do know that it just makes you better at doing puzzles. so like, i mean, there's still some value, i guess, in like being old and being good at things that you like doing, like puzzles. but at the same time, like i don't,
51:34 i don't think that's gonna stop you from like, you know, getting the same kind of like cognitive meltdown that everybody gets. you know what i mean? how do you guys feel about that? being old and stupid is our god given right? well, i don't think there's any getting around it, honestly. we were talking about it in the peloton discord. i'm not saying you should forgive old people their bad opinions, but i am saying...
52:13 we always ascribe the bad opinions of an old person to like a poisoned culture when i think there's also an element of like your brain just gets like a lot worse as you get older, man. like pretty much from like your 28th birthday onwards you're just kind of like doing your best to stave off the decay that comes for all living creatures. and sometimes people will say some shit like, you know, i lived really rough in my 20s so i'm like in better shape than ever at like 38 and you're like okay
52:51 keep it up, shithead. you really think you're gonna be saying the same shit when you're like 82? you're gonna be like... and then it never does... the process of improvement never stopped! i guess nobody else in history has ever ate right and exercised for their whole life. you literally don't have to age, bro! why hasn't anybody ever tried this? one power drive? okay, i got you. i gotta admit that was really satisfying.
53:32 okay, so i did not say life is over after your 20s. it's actually the opposite. the decline of your life is almost the plu it's the modal part of your life. the part where you're laboring under the delusion that everything will always get better is a bubble. it's a very small part of your life. the norm is slowly dying.
53:57 so what you have to do, all you can really have any control over at all, insofar as you can have any control over anything, is stemming the decline and extending the amount of time that you spend still having a quality of life for whatever that means for you. so if you have the mindset that life is over after i'm 21, i feel like that's very bearish for your ability to enjoy life in your 50s. the thing is it comes for you no matter what, unless it doesn't, which is even worse.
54:33 my grandpa was hitting on 30 year olds and smoking straight reefer in his 80s, i think i'll be fine. the most fucked up part is that like i'm not a doctor but i actually think you're right. and then that dude who measures his boner quality every night and like eats 18 different types of vegetables for breakfast every morning is gonna have like an embolism at 58 or something like that because i think it's just there's it's unfair man but some people just got like uh plus hp genes.
55:13 some they just rolled higher man i don't i don't know also i don't know about myself because i do i've got i'm only going back so far as the grandparents really so i got i've got two living grandparents still and one is a man and he's he's gotta be because we're uh estranged and have been for like 20 years but i think he's like 87 or something like that he's oh he's an old guy and then my other grandpa died at like
55:51 66. but a lot of that was lifestyle inflicted. he loved to drink like two bottles of wine a night while playing slots on pogo.com. and he had done that for quite some time. so honestly, i'm not 100% sure. you can't just add them together and divide by two, okay? you can't add them together and divide by two. that's not fair. because then i've got a whole different cocktail of jeans in me as well.
56:42 he enjoyed life and checked out early. a story that i only... so he died when i was 20 years old. a story that my parents only told me after he died, and now they won't stop telling me, and it's really, really good, is that he was a taxi driver, and one time he didn't come home after his shift. so like he didn't come home that night, he wasn't there in the morning,
57:10 and my grandma was like, holy shit, like he probably got jumped on the job. so she called the police and they filed like a missing persons report. and they were like combing the city trying to find this guy. and then eventually they just found him and he was at the casino. he just didn't call. after work, he said, i'll just swing by the casino and, you know, gamble a little bit. and then he just stayed there for like 18 hours or something like that.
57:39 had the damn apb looking for him. why didn't they just text? might have been in the pre texting era to be honest. he should have called. funny guy though. not absolving him of all of his decisions in life, but funny guy for sure. funny guy! and the other grandpa. we got some even crazier stories, but i can't tell you because he's still alive.
58:23 out of respect for the living, i will not share these stories until a day and maybe i'll go first and maybe you'll never hear them but... doctor, respect for the dead? okay, listen. is it because of the vest? wait! thank you, your streams keep me sane while i'm looking for a job. the smith's mentioned. heaven knows i'm miserable now. you know what? i think we even got to go a little further to that direction.
59:29 the vest doesn't jerk me off, okay? the thing is, the human body is a very inefficient machine. the vest is taking all the... you know, like your body gives off faint electrical signals constantly. it's harnessing all of that power.
59:46 and storing it in a battery so i can double jump one time later today. and all i have to do is i jump, and then i hit the button, and then i can jump again. once. it gives me enough for exactly one double jump. wouldn't that be something? still gonna jump lower than lebron? he's one of the best jumpers of all time. he's one of the best. that doesn't even make me... i'm not upset by that. double jumping in the nba would be pretty op though.
1:01:00 imagine when be with a double jump. is that a celsius? bro, this is a yoshi cola. you don't know a yoshi cola? i didn't know it either. we had some friends in vancouver who had been to this place in japan. they said the cola is really good so i got one. it's pretty good. four bucks a can of the combini kind of pissing me off because it's like it doesn't even have the milliliters on it but this can't be more than 200 milliliters. so like that's it's quite expensive but
1:01:35 but i mean they brought it from japan so i get why it's expensive. i'm the asshole that bought it so what am i gonna complain about? you don't have combinis in vancouver? we have two we have two combinis in vancouver. we have uh we have combinia on robson in the west end and we have one in carrysdale that i don't remember the name of but it's also called some spin on conbini.
1:02:21 i know you probably don't have them in burnaby which is why you thought that we wouldn't have them in in vancouver. i can't get my microphone closer to my mouth because it hits my big fucking haptic titties man. i'm starting to understand that
1:02:50 life as a man, i was privileged. i could get my microphone so close to my mouth. but now i got... i don't even think these would be... are double a's smaller or bigger than single a's? because as batteries they're bigger. but i'm trying to say i'm not exactly cupped up here. but i still can't get the microphone close to my mouth. also not true about batteries. double a's are bigger than triple a's bro.
1:03:35 they're bigger than triple a's. that's not what you said? whatever. that's what i was thinking. you look like a marvel character. i'm not gonna lie, as soon as i put on the vest, i did start to feel like i could go rumlow mode. yeah, that's the name of frank grillo's character from captain america civil war. and then of course, after civil war. sorry, after winter soldier, not civil war. he's crossbones, as you know.
1:04:28 you know this thing has 13 hours of battery life? i might start just wearing it for every game. you look like the guy who had superhero cards in his locker and dies during the avengers. i don't think i know this one. oh, agent coulson. oh, that's right. he does die during the avengers. i forgot all about agent coulson. doesn't he get killed by loki? i think he gets poked in the chest by loki's scepter. and then that's why loki will never be rehabilitated.
1:05:32 in my mind. i don't care if tom hiddleston does have cum gutters as a bad man. okay, we've only been at this an hour and 15 minutes. i haven't seen frozen, dude. i have a controversial take that i'm not gonna say unless jay is here, okay? if jay, aka wolves in my door, is here, please make yourself known, because i need at least one supporter in the chat before i say what i'm gonna say. he's here? okay, i'll take your word for it. here's my take, okay?
1:06:26 and i say this as someone who's interfaced with this media property at least 30 times, okay? frozen, good movie. but beyond just being good movie,
1:06:40 the run of songs that they go on from the one with the ice, the destroy that ice we're fighting, to let it go, and i'm going to include let it go even though it's obviously so overplayed at this point. the run of like four or five songs within the first half hour of that production, the songwriters were going fucking super saiyan by disney standards. they do the ice song
1:07:09 do you want to build a snowman? for the first time in forever, love is an open door. let it go. that's five fucking like...
1:07:20 five memorable bops raid at the start of the movie. now, i do think the movie's still good, but it completely falls apart after that. because then after elsa goes away, i don't give a fuck about anything with the kristoff and the anna, and there's almost no other songs.
1:07:40 the fixer upper i like, but it kind of loses all of its steam as it gets close to the end. but the first five songs is like a generational run for a disney animated movie in the 2000s. moana's also heat. i cry every time i see moana, for sure. sometimes it's because the grandma believed in her. sometimes it's because she believes in herself. sometimes it's because i'm like, damn, jemaine clement
1:08:09 sounds a lot like david bowie. he's fucking living his dream here. that being said, if you go see the moana live action in theaters, you're an op. oh! you can't be doing that. it's the same movie. there's one new song.
1:08:42 i'm actually, my toxic parenting trait is i'm trying to raise my daughter to be a snob. so every time we saw the trailer for the new moana, i was like, i hate that they just keep making movies. they spend all this money making this movie that's just a movie that they already made. why don't they spend all that money making a bunch of news stories?
1:09:00 is it more fun to read the same story over and over or is it more fun to read a new story? like i'm trying to like seed the thinking in her to like that one day people are gonna be like we don't know why are you such an asshole about this and she's gonna be like i don't know i guess i just have high standards but i'm gonna know i'm gonna know she will not be watching the fucking live action lilo and stitch okay not not as long as she's in this house she's not gonna be watching the live action lilo and stitch
1:09:30 now is she gonna be watching the animated one? maybe! i hope so, because i've never seen it. i've seen clips of it, i've seen a lot of... but i've never actually seen the whole thing and put the whole story together linearly. for me it's just a bunch of hula montages and surfing clips.
1:09:55 how have you not seen it? we've been over this. when it came out in 2001, i was asking motherfuckers if they wanted to go see the salton sea with val kilmer and vincent d'onofrio. there's no place i'd rather be than on the seaside, out on the sea surfin' in in the ocean blue and if i had my dreams come true i'd sail for the sunset beyond the horizon i need your help on this next part. do do do do do do do do do do do
1:10:35 wait. you were only four years older than me when it came out? get over yourself? that's like 40% older, man. i was 40% older than you. that would be like me being like, you're not old. you're only like 53 right now. do you understand that, right? everything in life is proportions and related rates. you get that, right? do you understand that? you imagine where your life would be if you were 0.1% smarter than what you were?
1:11:09 and you stack that up over the 12,000 days you've been alive to this point, we don't even know where you'd be. we don't even know where you'd be. you'd be in a completely different galaxy by now. little numbers make a big difference! time to go on our hawaiian rollercoaster riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii