death gun - Bits and Banter [07⧸03⧸2026]

Name: death gun - Bits and Banter [07⧸03⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-07-06
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "death gun - Bits and Banter [07⧸03⧸2026]" — 282 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-07-06

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0:00 bello, yes, bello. happy minions day everybody. my kid was watching some minions videos last night and cracking up. you ever see when the minions are flying the airplane and then they're like, they don't know how to fly the airplane so they just start hitting buttons to the tune of da da da da dum da dum da dum and then it's like the oxygen masks are falling from the top of the airplane and they're taking off at like a 90 degree straight up angle. oh
0:28 oh man, she was loving it. watch bruce almighty yesterday does not hold up. who was letting jim carrey do all that? it didn't hold up when i saw it when it came out so i'm not surprised that it doesn't hold up in 2026 either. i think it's one of those things where you know it's
0:46 skill difference like if you had the misfortune to be low elo when the movie came out then you probably got one shot by you probably thought this was like the greatest comedy of all time but if you were in the ninth grade like me then you knew you knew it was dreck. you knew it was garbage
1:04 jim carrey didn't get the adam sandler treatment he deserves. bro, he's got eternal sunshine. and to a lesser extent, the truman show, because it's not quite as much of a serious turn, but he has eternal sunshine. jim carrey made himself into a scary looking puppet now. it's his fault. normalize not talking about public figures' appearances unless you're going to say the streamer looks skinny and healthy today.
1:27 move your stance back a bit. okay, we're gonna get lots of comments like this. i'd love for you to explain instead of just telling me what to do provide a reasoning. surely we can break it down into science. what does moving your stance forward and back do? back equals more chippy. in real golf it creates loft or your ball goes closer to the ground. so i'd imagine the closer you get to the ball the more loft you have. the further away you get the more chip you have.
1:59 you hit the ball earlier in your swing? you would think that you, every single person in this chat trained at the academy of socrates. they're allergic to giving you a straight answer. if i were to do this the same swing, how would it be affected if i moved closer to the ball versus further away? i would hit it earlier in my swing. how would that manifest in the results on the ball? launch angle. oh my god. fucking buck martinez in the chat. no, we're just going to keep toughing it out because you honestly,
2:29 if you want to give advice, i'm gonna give you some fucking advice. you suck at giving advice. give advice better. how can i do that? figure it out. that's exactly what you're doing to me, so i'm gonna do it to you. and then i'm gonna hit a hole in one. put me in the clip. look at that. we were mighty fucking close. best day, july 3rd. i did say in my discord this morning, it's crazy if you take canada day off, everyone goes, this is a fake holiday. meanwhile, not a single american live. not a single american live on july 3rd, which is not even the holiday.
2:59 not a single person in the entire country live. and you're gonna say justin is live? he wasn't at 5 30 a.m when i was looking for a stream to put on while i was on the peloton. that must be a recent innovation. now i know he's live now because i went into his chat to do a 104 month resub and say one egg because he is playing rhythm heaven. so obviously like i'm aware of that information.
3:25 are you wearing lipstick today, n.l.? no, i just shaved so the natural redness of my lips is on full display without you being distracted by my male secondary sex characteristics of a salt and pepper beard. i'm so confident within the next half hour this is going in. and then we can finally get to the real meat of the stream which will be hitting a hole in one on the real hole. i do have that. you know what? maybe we should just put the vest on just to get used to the body feel of it.
3:57 it's too hot? i don't think so. not that it's basically like a blanket and i've been uh i've been ill anyway. one sec, one sec. gotta zip it up. it's kind of sleek. wait this is awesome bro. this is awesome. i feel like such a cool guy right now. i feel like robocop. don't call me dr. respect. oh man.
4:52 oh, it feels good. you know what? i think it's already improved my posture too. i feel more powerful. oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! i'm just joking. i'm just messing with you. it doesn't have any compatibility in this game yet. does it heal you irl when you have burning blood? i was thinking like there's some cards that feel so good to play. there should be like one right on like your thoracic vertebrae that like vibrates right up through your brainstem. like when you play apotheosis,
5:23 it should send a little like a depth charge into the base of your spine that generates an instantaneous moment of pure euphoria. if you can play on if on turn one you can play a one cost apotheosis, oh man it should it should be like the cake that the merovingian
5:43 i don't know if he made it or the chef made it or he obviously was proud of the recipe but you know what i'm talking about? i also do feel like yes it's haptic but they need to take it to the next level it needs to shock you and not just when you get struck by like lightning damage or something but like if something goes wrong it should it should be like the milgram experiment like it should actually like hurt a little bit because then it would motivate you to be better at the video game
6:09 like this is how the soviets were training for olympic hockey back in the day, man. this is what gave us pavel bure and alexander mcgilney. i did see when i installed the app for the vest to work, i did see that there is like streaming compatibility. if chad donates money, the donation alert can trigger a vibration. i just don't think that that's the kind of vibe i'm cultivating on stream, but i'm sure it's useful for a lot of people.
6:41 just got here, what is the vest for? personal protection. i'm literally just exercising my rights and freedoms. i really feel like this guy that when i used to go to the gym, i would always see him running. and for some reason he wore not just a weighted vest, which is like something that i can understand,
7:01 but he wore a canadian military issued weighted tack vest with the sewn canadian flag on it and everything. and then he would go to the gym and run on the treadmill at a very leisurely pace for 12 minutes and then leave the gym.
7:22 i was always like, there's gotta be like, i feel like the setup time had to be like triple the amount of time that you actually spent doing the cardio! it could have been recording tarkov audio. it could have i will say when i tried it on, kate punched me in the stomach like 10 times and i didn't feel it at all. it felt awesome. i actually felt like when
7:56 like the good guys are too late to the evil science laboratory and then the monster like busts out of the incubation chamber or whatever and then they're like whatever we're strong so they start punching the monster but then the monster just goes like like it didn't hurt at all man. do you relate to cipher from the matrix? i mean a little bit
8:21 but i honestly, with god as my witness, i'm not saying i would be happy on the nebuchadnezzar. i don't think that that's like a very comfortable environment. but i think once i got on the nebuchadnezzar, i would normalize. because i think that's what human beings are actually good at. like i don't think i would waste my time imagining like, oh, what if agonizing over why oh why didn't i take the blue pill, you know? i think i would be like, damn, the gruel is kind of like surprisingly good today.
8:51 you know how like sometimes you're sick of your mom's cooking when you're a kid and then one day you're like really hungry and it just hits different? you're like, wait food is like so tasty when you're hungry. i think that's what i'd be like on the nebuchadnezzar. at first you'd be like damn gruel again but then you'd be like oh my god it's only 15 minutes till lunch time. gruel!
9:13 don't say no, by the way. like you never had... listen, my mom's a good cook too. she's a better cook now than she was when i was a kid, but she was a good cook then too. but not every meal hit the same back then. okay? sometimes she was making curry and the curry was really good. and sometimes she was making roast beef, but like they grew up in an era where they were very, very, very concerned with food safety. so the roast beef was always well done. okay?
9:40 and when you ask your mom what's for dinner and she says, you know, oh we're having like rotisserie chicken and mashed potatoes tonight, you're like let's go. and if she says like roast beef, you're like, okay well, when you get home after eight hours of school and she says she's experimenting for dinner. okay, but like she just got off probably like eight hours of work plus also commuting to work plus also getting you ready for school and handling your pickup too. so why are you acting like you're the victim in this? plus she's the one cooking.
10:10 i didn't ask to be born. yeah, but neither did she bro. when you're nine you're not thinking about all that. that's true. me like age 12 knowing that dinner is going to be in two minutes but starting a new match of halo anyway being like maybe this one will only take two minutes. maybe i'll get disconnected a minute into the game and then i won't be late for dinner. halo didn't exist when you were 12.
10:35 true, but it existed when i was 13. but they didn't have online multiplayer until halo 2. you stupid motherfucker, you never heard of xbox connect via gamespy? fucking asshole.
10:47 and that was, you're gonna say, oh yeah but you have no idea how to port forward? yeah i did bro, cause that was back in the day when everyone had the same linksys that looked like this, it looked like the fucking devil, and you actually could port forward without having to call your isp and going, please ted rogers, please can you open my ports for me? i wanna play civilization iv, can you open my ports for me please? i've been a very good boy. pissing me the fuck off man.
11:16 usa belgium in seattle saturday night? wait, wait. the usa belgium is playing seattle on saturday night. wait, that doesn't work. old? not good. it's literally like one of the best songs of the 1980s without a doubt. and it's from one of the best albums of the 1980s. did you feel like patrick bateman with the music takes? no, because i do feel like most people respect paul simon's graceland. it's, you know, it's canonized for a good reason.
11:48 i respect simon and garfunkel more. actually like a crazy take. simon and garfunkel, i mean this is the difference between song enjoyers and album enjoyers okay. now i'm not gonna say simon and garfunkel don't have a couple of good albums but as a bass giga chat album enjoyer, simon's solo career clears the simon and garfunkel oeuvre. you're quite upbeat for loving such depressing music.
12:16 i don't think the music's depressing. i think good songs make me feel good, even if they do say something like, uh, what she asked of me at the close of the day caligula would have blushed. she said you're stuck in the house too long, she said. so i naturally fled. maybe i'm just a deeper thinker than the average person. yeah, i'd be way more depressed if i had to listen to waka waka
12:40 this time for africa like 10 times a day because my brain was sending out like happy chemicals when it came on. i would fucking, i would be so depressed man. it was goated back then, not if you were like over 14 years old or had like any interiority or any standards when it came to the kind of media you like to digest. it was good the 150th time on the radio when i was working at little caesars.
13:07 oh, it'll be putting the hot and reddies in the oven to the sounds of waka waka this time for africa. they really can't i guess airpods didn't exist back then. if you're working at little caesars, they should let you listen to your own music, man. that shit should be enshrined in the charter of human rights and freedoms! i'm not dressed up as dr. disrespect, okay? lots of people wear tack vests on stream. not just him. a lot of people do it for a lot of different reasons, okay? name one other person.
13:47 starting at noon today, i can name two other people. did you guys read that article on defector about the lady in philadelphia who opened a little free library for trinkets? like little blind box toys and stuff like that? it worked for a while and people were like dropping off a trinket and taking a trinket, but then she got pissed off because people were starting to like take a trinket but drop off a cool rock. and then she made a video that was like stop putting rocks in the
14:14 trinket library and then people in the comments were like that's not a normal rock that's like a special rock that some people might find value in so they had to put a lock on the they moved the little free trinket library inside of like a coffee shop and now to do a trade you have to talk to a staff member and the staff member will ensure that there's a similar amount of value between the two trinkets that are being exchanged. what do you think about little free libraries?
14:42 much like when you look at the average thing that people give to a thrift store people use it as a way to like guilt wash throwing out their garbage because they're like i'm not putting i'm not making waste i'm upcycling my book but nobody is pulling your like c sharp 2.0 for dummies out of the little free library until eventually like once every two years they clean it out and then just throw it out you're just making somebody else throw out your garbage but
15:11 have i ever taken anything from a little free library? no. have i ever put 12 books i don't want to read in a little free library? absolutely. without a doubt.
15:23 also, you learn a lot about neighborhoods when you go to little free libraries and see the types of shit that people throw out. like, you get environmental storytelling. you get a lot of stuff about, like, transcendental meditation, crystals. obviously, this person went on a trip to australia maybe in 2010 because they got a lonely planet australia guide here. oh! brrrrr! brrrrr!
15:58 but it is crazy when like you see that there's old people that have clearly donated like their college textbooks from when they went to university in 1978. it's like bro that's everything in that is wrong now. i'm not just gonna be like a random like law school student is gonna be walking by the little free library and be like oh shit i don't have to buy textbooks anymore for school.
16:24 they're still publishing ripley's? i mean, i think i told this story on stream, but i was at a bookstore in vancouver like a month and a half ago with my daughter. she has the guinness book of world records 2025. she wanted the guinness book of world records 2024, but then we found it in the store and she was like, wait, this is like the same book.
16:47 like even the records are the same and i said yeah i know but maybe if we go back a little older it'll be different so i went into their like computer and they said they had a copy of
16:57 the guinness book of world records 2023, but i couldn't find it in the reference section. so i dragged a poor employee over to me and said, hey, your inventory says you have the guinness book of world records 2023, but i can't find it. and then he like called somebody and then he was like, oh yeah, we don't have that anymore. but if you want, we do have 2024, which is newer. and i said, buddy, you're not going to believe this.
17:25 the 2024 is actually too new because it's too much like the newest one, which is the one that we have, which is why she loves the book so much that she wants to get another one, but she has to get one that's old enough to not just be a copy of the one that she already has. i got one from like 01 at my dad's house. is that the one that has the most expensive bra? got a lot of mileage out of that one when i was in 2001. what that mean? mess with me? what that mean? if you know you know, what that mean?
17:55 what does that mean? there was a guinness book of world records that had an entry for the most expensive bra worn at the victoria's secret fashion show. and my friend had the book, we would open it up and be like, check it out. look at this. isn't there a food that helps your memory?
18:18 i think all that stuff is basically cope. i think it's young person cope. i think it's that's young people looking at old people and going my brain won't be like that when i'm old because i eat walnuts or something like that and then when they
18:32 i'm not saying it doesn't provide maybe a certain degree of protection. i do remember i read something online that was like a long time ago because people have been telling me like, hey if you want to keep your brain sharp you have to use it. you have to do some crossword puzzles. that's why part of the reason we've been doing the daily dulls is to keep the brain sharp. provide some neuroprotective support.
18:57 i read something online that was like yeah actually scientists have no proof that doing these puzzles actually like staves off cognitive decline but they do know that it just makes you better at doing puzzles. so like i mean there's still some value i guess in like being old and being good at things that you like doing like puzzles but at the same time like i don't
19:22 i don't think that's gonna stop you from like, you know, getting the same kind of like cognitive meltdown that everybody gets. being old and stupid is our god given right? well, i don't think there's any getting around it, honestly. we were talking about it in the peloton discord. i'm not saying you should forgive old people their bad opinions, but i am saying...
19:42 we always ascribe the bad opinions of an old person to like a poisoned culture when i think there's also an element of like your brain just gets like a lot worse as you get older man and sometimes people will say some shit like you know well you i lived really rough in my 20s so i'm like in better shape than ever at like 38 and you're like okay keep it up shithead you really think you're gonna be saying the same shit when you're like 82 you're gonna be like
20:08 and then it never, the process of improvement never stopped. i guess nobody else in history has ever ate right and exercised for their whole life. you literally don't have to age, bro. why hasn't anybody ever tried this? okay, so i did not say life is over after your 20s. it's actually the opposite. the decline of your life is almost, it's the modal part of your life.
20:35 the part where you're laboring under the delusion that everything will always get better is a bubble. it's a very small part of your life. the norm is slowly dying. so what you have to do, all you can really have any control over at all, insofar as you can have any control over anything, is stemming the decline and extending the amount of time that you spend still having a quality of life for whatever that means for you.
21:01 so if you have the mindset that life is over after i'm 21, i feel like that's very bearish for your ability to enjoy life in your 50s. the thing is it comes for you no matter what. my grandpa was hitting on 30 year olds and smoking straight reefer in his 80s, i think i'll be fine. the most fucked up part is that like i'm not a doctor but i actually think you're right. and then that dude who measures his boner quality every night and like uh
21:23 eats 18 different types of vegetables for breakfast every morning is gonna have like an embolism at 58 or something like that because i think it's just there's it's unfair man but some people just got like uh plus hp genes some they just rolled higher man i don't i don't know also i don't know about myself because i do i've got i'm only going back so far as the grandparents really so i got i've got two living grandparents still and one is a man and he's
21:54 he's gotta be, because we're estranged and have been for like 20 years, but i think he's like 87 or something like that. he's an old guy. and then my other grandpa died at like 66. but a lot of that was lifestyle inflicted. he loved to drink like two bottles of wine a night while playing slots on pogo.com. and he had done that for quite some time.
22:24 you can't just add them together and divide by two, okay? you can't add them together and divide by two. that's not fair. because then i've got a whole different cocktail of jeans in me as well. he enjoyed life and checked out early. a story that i only... so he died when i was 20 years old. a story that my parents only told me after he died and now they won't stop telling me and it's really, really good.
22:51 is that he was a taxi driver and one time he didn't come home after his shift so like he didn't come home that night he wasn't there in the morning and my grandma was like holy shit like he probably got jumped on the job so she called the police and they filed like a missing persons report and they were like combing the city trying to find this guy and then eventually they just found him and he was at the casino he just didn't call
23:22 after work, he said i'll just swing by the casino and you know gamble a little bit and then it just stay there for like 18 hours or something like that had the damn apb looking for him funny guy though not not absolving him of all of his decisions in life but funny guy for sure funny guy and the other grandpa we got some even crazier stories but i can't tell you cuz he's still alive and
23:51 out of respect for the living, i will not share these stories until a day and maybe i'll go first and maybe you'll never hear them. but, doctor, respect for the dead? okay, listen. is it because of the vest? the vest doesn't jerk me off, okay? the thing is, the human body is a very inefficient machine. the vest is taking all the... you know, like your body gives off faint electrical signals constantly. it's harnessing all of that power
24:22 and storing it in a battery so i can double jump one time later today. and all i have to do is i jump, and then i hit the button, and then i can jump again. once. it gives me enough for exactly one double jump. i can't get my microphone closer to my mouth because it hits my big fucking haptic titties, man. i'm starting to understand that
24:46 life as a man, i was privileged. i could get my microphone so close to my mouth. but now i got... i don't even think these would be... are double a's smaller or bigger than single a's? because as batteries they're bigger. but i'm trying to say i'm not exactly cupped up here. but i still can't get the microphone close to my mouth. also not true about batteries. double a's are bigger than triple a's bro.
25:14 they're bigger than triple a's. that's not what you said? whatever. that's what i was thinking. you look like a marvel character. i'm not gonna lie, as soon as i put on the vest i did start to feel like i could go rumlow mode. yeah, that's the name of frank grillo's character from captain america civil war. you look like the guy who had superhero cards in his locker and dies during the avengers. oh, agent coulson. oh, that's right, he does die during the avengers. i forgot all about agent coulson.
25:47 i haven't seen frozen, dude. i have a controversial take that i'm not gonna say unless jay is here, okay? he's here? okay, i'll take your word for it. here's my take, okay? and i say this as someone who's interfaced with his media property at least 30 times, okay? frozen, good movie. but beyond just being good movie,
26:11 the run of songs that they go on from the one with the ice, the, to show that i serve to, um, to let it go. and i'm going to include, let it go, even though it's obviously so overplayed at this point, the run of like four or five songs within the first half hour of that production, the songwriters were going fucking super saiyan by disney standards. they do the ice song.
26:40 do you want to build a snowman for the first time in forever? love is an open door. let it go. that's five fucking like, five memorable bops right at the start of the movie. now, i do think the movie's still good. it completely falls apart after that because then after elsa goes away, i don't give a fuck about anything with the kristoff and the anna and there's almost no other songs
27:10 the fixer upper i like, but it kind of loses all of its steam as it gets close to the end. but the first five songs is like a generational run for a disney animated movie in the 2000s. moana's also heat. i cry every time i see moana, for sure. sometimes it's because the grandma believed in her. sometimes it's because she believes in herself. sometimes it's because i'm like, damn, jermaine clement
27:37 sounds a lot like david bowie. he's fucking living his dream here. that being said, if you go see the moana live action in theaters, you're an op. oh! you can't be doing that. it's the same movie. there's one new song.
27:55 i'm actually, my toxic parenting trait is i'm trying to raise my daughter to be a snob. so every time we saw the trailer for the new moana, i was like, i hate that they just keep making movies. they spend all this money making this movie that's just a movie that they already made. why don't they spend all that money making a bunch of news stories?
28:13 is it more fun to read the same story over and over or is it more fun to read a new story? like i'm trying to like seed the thinking in her to like that one day people are gonna be like, we don't know why are you such an asshole about this? and she's gonna be like, i don't know. i guess i just have high standards, but i'm gonna know. i'm gonna know. she will not be watching the fucking live action lilo and stitch, okay? not as long as she's in this house. she's not gonna be watching the live action lilo and stitch.
28:40 now is she gonna be watching the animated one? maybe! i hope so, because i've never seen it. i've seen clips of it, i've seen a lot of... but i've never actually seen the whole thing and put the whole story together linearly. for me it's just a bunch of hula montages and surfing clips.
28:59 how have you not seen it? we've been over this. when it came out in 2001, i was asking motherfuckers if they wanted to go see the salton sea with val kilmer and vincent d'onofrio. there's no place i'd rather be than on the seaside, out on the sea surfin' in in the ocean blue and if i had my dreams come true i'd sail for the sunset beyond the horizon i need your help on this next part. do do do do do do do do do do do
29:29 you were only four years older than me when it came out? get over yourself? that's like 40% older, man. i was 40% older than you. that would be like me being like, you're not old. you're only like 53 right now. do you understand that, right? everything in life is proportions and related rates. you get that, right? do you understand that? you imagine where your life would be if you were 0.1% smarter than what you were?
29:55 and you stack that up over the 12,000 days you've been alive to this point, we don't even know where you'd be. we don't even know where you'd be. you'd be in a completely different galaxy by now. little numbers make a big difference. we do need to bring heritage moments back. i feel like that's responsible for so much canadian history knowledge in our country, at least amongst our generation. what are heritage moments? they were little 30 second to one minute long
30:25 history videos that played during ads. so like during a commercial break there would be like in 1911 the lady was having seizures she went to dr. wilder penfield in montreal to figure out what was giving her the seizures and then like her head is fucking cracked open like in hannibal and then the dude is like touching her brain and she goes um strawberries or so isn't she say like cherries or something like that
30:53 and then he touches another part of her brain and she goes, i smell burnt toast! dr. penfield, i smell burnt toast! and then this is how they figured out that like your brain is what is having a problem when you're having seizures, i guess. and specifically that part of it, i guess. and james naismith with the peach baskets. i need those baskets back. i know i talked about it before. i'm not trying to be glib with respect to irish canadian history, but it is still crazy when
31:24 you watch the heritage moment where like irish people are coming to canada and the judge is making them change their name. what's your name? duncan mcsorley, sir. duncan what? duncan what? it's positively unpronounceable to the canadian tongue. duncan what? your new name will be duncan legilifoil. molly johnson. play it like the funeral march. no, not molly johnson, bro.
32:02 in the 1850s, many quebec families adopted irish orphans, their parents dead of ship's fever on the atlantic crossing. it's kind of a downer by the way. no! we have to keep our irish name!
32:26 yeah! yeah! let's go! okay, but that's actually... now that i'm going back and watching this,
33:00 that's mike faced bro. that's dead ass art donaldson. am i freaking the fuck out? it says his name right there. how fucking funny would it be if they scrolled down to the little boy and he said joe biden? i never even thought about... how fucking funny would it be if this video from the 1850s
33:27 she goes, molly johnson, sir. molly johnson. joe biden. joe biden. listen, jack, my name's joe biden. a century and a half later, many of those names still resound in quebec. true. that's true. i mean, i'm living proof there's still ryan's around to this fucking day, man. for better or for fucking worse.
34:01 i mean, sorry for the dalliance here, but i mean... this is all time canadian cinema. this is how we were hooping back then. oh, what is he doing, man? oh, yeah! canadian jokes, sir? i mean, i know you're the instructor and everything, but we can't carry the ball. how can we get a decent shot at the...
34:32 beach basket. all right, maybe we can allow a carry of a couple of steps. and mr. naysmister, it sure is... that's, that's um, who's the current commissioner? adam silver? that's adam silver in 2024. maybe we can allow a carry of a couple of steps. maybe, maybe we could allow them to, maybe if they have aura they can carry the ball for four to five steps.
34:56 just slows things down having to climb up here every time. well then let's cut the bottom out of the basket. smartass. i need these baskets back. i need these baskets back. hey you fucking assholes, you just want to cause problems? no solutions at all? motherfucker. a hundred years after james naismith from almonte, ontario invented it. you hear that shit?
35:21 it's a canadian game bro. james naysmith from a town in ontario i've never even heard of and i grew up there. almonte. basketball was being played by hundreds of millions of people around the world. and so we would literally, i mean canadians back me up, we would see these videos like at least eight to twelve times a day. this is why canadians are so good at basketball. we had a like a 50 year head start.
35:50 hey librarian, you here? you were here with the link so you must be here. very good. are you saying that because i said very good or are you saying you could understand what i'm talking about? apples are yum. yes! yes! okay, you ready for this one?
36:24 stop it. how'd you do? how expensive are the shoes? i want two pairs of shoes. thank you very much. i'd let you order for me. as long as you want an apple, a banana, steamed rice or soup of any kind, i got you bro. or water or grape juice. coffee. i don't have that kind of confidence yet to say coffee in chinese.
36:59 i think it's like wo hey, wo hey ka fei, wo hey, wo, wo hey ka fei, wo hey ka fei. it just doesn't feel right though, like it feels like i'm doing something wrong. you are? like conceptually or specifically with the pronunciation. say huh, not huh, huh, wo ha ka fei. that's actually more like it. yes, yes.
37:25 up on the, i don't even know where that came from, but up on the white veranda. she wears a necktie and a canada hat. wait, wait. black diamond bay, but we've made it a patriotic song about the canadian soccer team. and she is christine sinclair rooting us on from the press box. dude, when bob dylan's voting records leak, it's gonna break my fucking heart. i know his ass voted for joe biden.
37:56 biden, biden, biden, biden, ever since 1972. biden, biden, biden. bobby wasn't even running, man. he was just a kid back then. he was only 62. that vest on you look like robocop. i gotta... what's the most robocop type accessory that i have here? it'd be something like this. freeze, criminal scum.
38:30 how is it actually like when i was doing it, i was like it felt like i was robocop because he does he fucking moves like that kind of he does also talk walk. you're not wrong. he does also toe walk. okay, dr. respect. okay, but the creepy chiblee photo that he uses as the underlay of his stream. it looks like dr. disrespect with no sunglasses on. can we get an image of the picture? it's a hundred percent dr. disrespect with no sunglasses on and he gets mad at me every time i say it. that's what it looks like.
39:03 an image of the picture? well, you know what i mean. i don't have the... i guess what i want is an image of the image. i don't have the picture, obviously, and i don't have a way to conjure the image easily. don't ever tell me i don't... whenever i say this looks like this, you fucking know i'm telling the truth. don't doubt my ass. doubt my ass at your own fucking peril.
39:28 nice, i thought i was gonna miss the haptic thing. yeah, slattest cots, it will be a very good haptic representation of the psychic damage that i take when in 2017 i post a slay the spire video and then you post something like, you're a smart guy, i don't understand why you still think that strikes are better than defense. people don't forget, okay? people don't forget, alright? you want you want i can't even feel it! i can't fucking feel it! i'm invincible!
39:58 yo, i needed you to save slay the spire back then. what does that even mean? what does that even i'm chill now? that is how houdini died, but also... i mean, do i need to read the wikipedia article about houdini anymore?
40:15 witnesses to an incident at houdini's dressing room in the princess theater in montreal speculated houdini's death was caused by jocelyn gordon whitehead, who repeatedly struck houdini's abdomen. price said that whitehead asked houdini if he believed in the miracles of the bible and whether it was true that punches in the stomach did not hurt him. houdini offered a casual reply that his stomach could endure a lot. whitehead then delivered some very hammer like blows below the belt.
40:40 i forgot about this part. houdini was reclining on a couch at the time having broken his ankle while performing several days earlier. which is so fucking funny. the dude was just laying down with a broken ankle.
41:03 price said that houdini winced at each blow and stopped whitehead suddenly in the midst of a punch, gesturing that he'd had enough, adding that he had no opportunity to prepare himself against the blows as he did not expect whitehead to strike him so suddenly and forcefully. had his ankle not been broken, he would have risen from the couch to better position to brace himself. i forgot about that, man.
41:27 and he still went on stage! throughout the evening, houdini performed in great pain. he had insomnia and remained in constant pain for the next two days but did not seek medical help. when he finally saw a doctor, he was found to have a fever of 39 degrees celsius. he ignored the doctor's advice and decided to go on with his show. when he arrived at the theater in detroit, michigan for his final show, he had a fever of 40 degrees celsius. beast mode, i'm afraid.
41:56 i mean if you're a person of some notoriety and you don't have security and somebody walks up to you and says, do you believe in god? it's time to start. i would just come to terms with the fact that this might be your last couple of moments on planet earth. beast mode for houdini for taking zero sick days but also wouldn't be me getting beaten to death by a guy named jocelyn. but anyway, he was canadian though. he was canadian so maybe he was packing a certain punch.
42:25 i'm new to the bald fandom, any tips? fandom or community? because i don't know if i have any tips for the fandom. i will say one thing i've started doing is if i see a guy who has obviously had a hair transplant, and you might say it's not obvious, it's obvious because last time i saw you your hair didn't fucking look like that, you fucking traitor. so what i've started to do is just look at their hair when i walk by them.
42:53 where i normally would maintain eye contact, i just look at their hair just to maybe let them know that there's some fuckers out there who know, okay? you can be on the legal steroids that every man over the age of 40 is on right now because the doctor he found on facebook marketplace said he had low testosterone so they gave him some, you know, gorilla growth hormone or whatever.
43:20 all of a sudden, i just saw every... do you notice, kate, when we were on vacation? there's so many 50 year old dudes that look like ben stiller in meet the parents now. and i'm a little jealous, to be honest, but i'm also like, buddy, i'm sorry. there was a reason that our uncles in like 1998 didn't have like 22 inch biceps. they were just like, they had like a little pop belly. and you know what? six kids. six kids.
43:51 so obviously he still had a certain je ne sais quoi, let's put it that way. i'm now at the end, i don't know if anybody else, because i might be the first guy to ever reach 37 years of age, i am
44:02 not the foremost authority on male attractiveness, but even as a straight man you see guys out there and you go, okay, that guy is handsome, that guy a little bit busted, that guy a little bit busted but in like a handsome way, you know, like an adam driver type thing. so you know, you're aggregating data on tens of thousands of faces and running it through your incredible central processing unit like all the time, right?
44:27 so you're learning a thing or two, or you're building a model at least. i've now started, my model has started flashing red klaxons. this is a cognitohazard. whenever i see a middle aged guy who's too hot,
44:43 it's like my lizard brain is sending a message that's like, that's like a threat in the environment. like that's an alien or some kind of poisonous plant or something like that. cause 52 year old men are not supposed to look like that. so then i'll see like a 52 year old dude who looks normal, but maybe he's kind of like in shape and 6'2". and i'm like, that guy is probably hot as hell. but then this dude who is on like,
45:11 legal male steroids and has had seven hair transplants. i'm like something's not right there man. like when they start to look like a jack santa claus, like it hits the uncanny valley for me or something. you guys know zanta? is it okay to play zanta videos on stream? i think he was going through like a mental health crisis or something. he got banned from the ttc. that makes a lot of sense because i think he was like sexually harassing people.
45:39 see like a weird beast from star wars? well listen, let me see... let me see what they got going on here for xanta. why do i only, when i search xanta, i only get video essays about xanta? real xanta videos. i don't want to watch toronto's xanta documentary full. i don't want the tragic story of xanta. the quiet sadness of xanta. librarian posted he has a youtube. xanta goes head to head with ttc driver.
46:15 i accidentally blew smoke out of my mouth, i'm sorry. i accidentally blew smoke out of my mouth, it's crazy. the bus driver is kicking him off because he blew smoke out of his mouth. can i have a transfer? i told you, i'll give you a transfer, get off my bus. why are you kicking me off the bus? you know who i am? no, man, i can't watch xanta say, do you know who i am? so this without context probably doesn't hit as hard. xanta is a guy who goes around toronto with his shirt off
46:47 and a santa hat on going like, like just kind of making sounds. but he's like, he was really, really jacked. he would just go around and like, i don't know, like approach people and just do a bunch of pushups in front of him. i did not say he sexually assaulted someone, keenan. i said he sexually harassed someone. still really bad. and i don't know, that's hearsay, okay? but two different things. there's a delineation between the two.
47:18 he walked around a festival like 10 years ago with a sign saying please google xanta. christmas came early xanta's back... wait wait wait from 13 years ago? from 13 years ago?
47:31 i got into a run in with this guy on the kiel bus north of kiel subway. he kept going on about how he got evicted from his place by a landlord who was part of the jewish mafia. bus driver blew a fuse five minutes into the ride and tried to kick him out. zanta got off and proceeded to hang off of the windshield wipers until the cops came. that's classic zanta. that's a perfect encapsulation of the character of zanta. okay, the top reddit comment there has characterized him way better than i could.
48:02 i've never heard of glove guy. i have to say i've never heard of this glove guy. halifax glove guy? you're sure it's not michael jackson? that's the only glove guy i know. hee hee! he would give people free rides around town in halifax if you tried on leather gloves for him. guess he wasn't hurting anybody. hopefully. and hey, halifax is a pretty big town so those rides are really valuable.
48:30 there's a guy doing charcoal portraits of boyfriends sticking their tongues out at the harry styles concert now. what does this sentence mean? what does it have to do... is this another character like glove guy? is he making a name for himself as charcoal boyfriend drawer at the harry styles concert? are boys sticking their tongues out to be silly at the harry styles concert or to be like, i'm only here because i don't like harry styles or something? like what's going on?
48:58 is garbage bag wizard still hanging out at broadway, canby? kate, do you know garbage bag wizard? i only know baklava, baklava guy at broadway, canby. baklava guy sounds chill. i mean, if i remember, he was chill by the way. if i remember correctly, he literally would like go to costco, buy a bunch of baklava and then just sell it in front of the train station. and then people were like, we love baklava guy because we can get baklava without having to go to costco.
49:28 wait, hang on. video surfaces of elusive ttc leprechaun? the ttc is the toronto bus system by the way. from the national post? they're just bothering him? ttc leprechaun, aftermath of alleged ttc assault.
50:02 so he's not a leprechaun, he's wearing a green shirt and kind of like a bowler hat. i guess if he didn't look in the mirror you could understand. he is a little heisenberg coated as well but... you're the one that won't let people sit down because they're talking to you. don't touch me. don't even want to talk to your head. you are. you can't let a woman sit down? okay, then.
50:41 what is he playing, man? i want to know what he's playing. okay, that is really good. at first, please click on the front facing image. at first, i didn't... i wasn't sure about the ttc leprechaun, but when he hit his famous catchphrase,
51:13 you get nothing pay attention. that's really when i started to like this character. wait, wait, wait. and okay, i get it now. i get it now. the ttc leprechaun. you get nothing pay attention. the aura is crazy. i can't let you sit close. are you on his side? sounds like he didn't want to talk to any airheads.
51:53 who among us hasn't thought if not said the same thing at one point in our lives? ttc leprechaun with the profile photo would be awesome for counter strike. and then putting the haptic vest, rolling up the haptic vest, shoving it up my ass and then just standing out of cover at long doors. oh man. i don't flash for airheads, pay attention. hey, ttc, can you buy for me? i don't buy for airheads, you get nothing. pay attention.
52:28 wait, russian dash cam videos with the haptic vest on? i still think the south korean dash cams were some of the craziest, man. because the cars will just be like driving and then a truck will just fall apart. kate told me that like, and again, take this with a grain of salt, she told me your first dui in south korea doesn't really matter that much. so like a lot of the clips end with them being like the driver claimed that they were under the influence of alcohol and got away with a warning. and you're like, what?
53:05 wisconsin type shit. isn't your first dui in wisconsin like it's a misdemeanor, right? instead of a felony? they don't give you money, come on. most states are misdemeanors until the third offense. what the fuck? why are you wearing a bulletproof vest? you see the crazy world we live in? your own home is one of the most dangerous places on the fucking earth now, man. there's haters everywhere. you could open up your fridge. haters!
53:33 pop into gmail, haters. open your mailbox, haters. final notice. action required. open my air fryer. wait, is chiblee here? chiblee, i have a billion dollar food idea for us, okay? what does everybody like? fresh baked bread, okay? what do very few people want to do? go through the trouble of making their own bread. it's true, you can do it. everybody knows it can be done, but it's a little inconvenient, especially if you've never done it before. you need the equipment, right?
54:04 here's my idea, okay? it's not a store that bakes the bread for you and then sells the bread. those already exist. and this might already exist too, but we'll just do it better. we'll have like a slicker brand or something. what does everybody have in their kitchen? a fucking air fryer, bro. so what do we sell? frozen food section. we sell little logs of dough that you put in the air fryer
54:33 and then in like six minutes, it becomes a nice puffed up warm roll of bread already, man. already exists. we're gonna make it slicker. we're gonna make the branding slicker. we're gonna get synergistic properties with social media microcelebrities, man. it's gonna be slicker. yeah, it's gonna be powered by ai insights.
55:03 this does look a little bit like an elon musk halloween costume, for sure. are you interested in watching mile end kicks? it's about montreal in 2010. i'll watch it on one condition. do they have spencer krug in it? does spencer krug make a cameo? i personally know wolf parade. they are not in it and made fun of it. no, you'd... first off, that's literally they could sue your ass.
55:28 for damaging their brand for that kind of lie, okay? your dad is not john wolf parade. now if you told me your dad was, wait give me some, you told me your dad was a lead singer of library voices from regina, saskatchewan, i'd be like okay i could buy that but i do not think your dad is dan beckner of handsome furs and wolf parade fame, okay?
55:54 does library voices have a cameo? does obju feature prominently in the movie? has anyone here ever been to the hillside music festival? what's your favorite the rapture inspired electro pop band from guelph, ontario in the 2010s and why is it green go? which hillside? the music festival bro, not hillside inside in february, okay? you wouldn't fucking get it man, you've never seen a show at the toucan.
56:21 you've never won tickets from the university radio station to go see north by northeast and then be like, i'm not going to fucking montreal. are you crazy? i live in kingston, ontario. i can't just go to montreal and then just like let the tickets expire on the radio station desk instead of ever going to pick them up. it'd be a different story if they gave you like a greyhound ticket too, but is greyhound still around? no, i think they went out of business, but coach canada butt fucks him anyway. there was an incident. you mean when...
56:52 so i'm gonna assume that you are blithely referring to that one dude who got his head chopped off on the bus by another fella who was having a bit of a mental health crisis. what is crazy to me is like i'm not making light of the situation but everybody acts somehow like it's the bus's fault.
57:15 or the like the company's fault like what what is the driver supposed to do in a situation where a dude takes out like a machete and chops off someone's head he's like 20 rows in front and he's freaking the fuck out too man i don't throw any evil on the bus driver there bro was probably getting paid like league minimum all of a sudden we want to square it up like on
57:41 unarmed against the dude who just cut off a motherfucker's head? no thanks. don't give me that, oh it's his job. like if he wants to go hero mode, then that man is an angel. and he is a hero, but at the same time i don't know, oh he signed the contract. he's the one wearing the coach canada fleece with the logo on it. like, it is the same as the...
58:13 the one where the gorillas are fighting and they say, where's the zookeeper? that is, that is good. oh, wait, wait, wait. i gotta, where's the zookeeper? it's so fucking funny. oh shit. where's the zookeeper? where's the zookeeper? no, no, no, no, no. holy shit.
59:03 wait, who said that was awesome? that's sick. they do fight cool man. like one of them was jumping in place. it was kind of awesome and also they both walked away. they seem fine. they're probably friends now.
59:43 well, everybody's laughing until the zookeeper comes in. yeah, and he's an even bigger gorilla. exactly. he's like a gorilla that's four times as big as the other gorillas. he comes out in those, like the same gloves as the ufc ref. break it up! break it up! hey! hey, break it up! just get it on! the dev watching this, knowing that i will burn out on this stupid challenge and then never play the full game when it's released. hey, nl, thanks for playing our game.
1:00:16 let us know if you want us to drop you an email when it comes out. uh oh, ha ha ha ha ha. is that you? nah man, i'm doing it to myself. all joking aside, i do know dan beckner very well. i want you to know he thinks you're hilarious, king. i can prove it even. you are experiencing a delusion. you are experiencing a hallucinogenic episode. but if you really know him, if you ever relayed the story to him,
1:00:47 i'm gonna say it was 2007 or 2008. his, i mean it might not be a side project to him because i believe it was him and his partner. so maybe that was like their main squeeze and wolf parade was the side project but to me it was the side project. handsome furs played at a little institution in kingston, ontario called the grad club and i got there early
1:01:10 i was watching the opening band kind of posted up against the wall. it's really the grad club to know this, to understand this you have to understand what the venue looks like. the stage is there and it's a hallway that goes backwards. it's basically like a parlor and a dining room.
1:01:28 it's a house. it's a converted house. so i was posted up right here on the wall watching the opening band and then some cool looking motherfucker came and stood right in front of me and he was drinking a pacifico which is like you rich motherfucker you're drinking a pacifico it's that's an imported beer and it's 2007 and i'm 19 years old
1:01:57 you motherfucker! and he's like blocking me because he's tall and handsome too. i was like, get a load of this guy. get a load of this guy. then everyone's clapping because the opening act is done. and then he gets on stage and it's dan beckner! it was the dude who he showed up to the venue because he was playing the damn show. he was the dude that i came to see.
1:02:20 he just happened to have the misfortune of standing in front of a dude who's shorter than him and i immediately was like, i hate you, i hate you, i hate you. for no reason. never meet your heroes.
1:02:31 you didn't know? i'd never seen the back of his head. they didn't post pictures like that on pitchfork media, bro. but i was fucking pog i named that album, if you're still relaying this information, i named that album the number two album of 2007, i think. number one, don't be mad, i gave it to sound of silver, i think. or maybe eaze, i can't remember. it was something
1:02:58 we can't argue that these are amazing albums, okay? but i think number two i did give it to the handsome furs album. what we had? is that what it was called? something like that. yeez is 2005? no the fuck it isn't bro. yeez is 2007. it leaked early on oink because somebody at the record label left their fucking ftp unencrypted. you weren't there!
1:03:26 that shit leaked in like september 2006 because of an unencrypted ftp and then officially came out as an album in stores in like january, okay? why are you dressed as a sci fi guard? the vest is for your protection, not for mine, okay? i have evidence of dan beckner glazing you. okay, listen, first off, this is too masturbatory for me, so i'm uncomfortable doing it on stream, but let him know
1:03:55 i'm elevating all the beckner songs on apologies for the queen mary. i'm moving them all up. i'm moving, i'm moving, uh, i'm moving fancy claps way up. i'm moving, uh, shine a light way up. fancy claps was a spencer song. forget i said that. i'm moving that one way down. we have to ban var. it spawned an interesting discussion in my discord, which was like, obviously nobody wants a goal that shouldn't count.
1:04:25 to count unless it's your team in which case you do but there's also like there used to be like a certain amount of like a almost a fudge factor
1:04:35 in officiating that now technology is completely eliminated in the spirit of pursuing some kind of idea of objective truth. so now, was the dude objectively offside? yeah, yeah, yeah. but if we're really being objective, does being a nanometer offside objectively make the difference between that goal going in or the goal not going in? no! so it's almost like we had made a handshake agreement as human beings prior to var
1:05:05 that it was like if the referee didn't see it then it likely and there will be false negatives here but it likely wasn't so egregious as to have really affected the actual result of the play but now it's like we get the zoom we zoom in on the 3d and you know what when they bring out the the the 3d model
1:05:29 and i've never been one of these guys before and i'm not saying this is what they're doing. but i'm like, sometimes they bring out the 3d model and then people go, oh look at that, he's over the line. i didn't see them make the fucking model. i don't know if the data that went into the model is any good. you're just telling me, you're saying source my ass, we made a model that shows he's offside. okay, i had no doubt in my mind that you could do that. of course you could do that. with the power of computers, you could do anything.
1:05:59 so i'm supposed to look at this and be like, oh, i implicitly trust this? i do think it's really hard to be a soccer referee though. because there's times that you just can't call something. unless it's the belgium senegal game. then you can call a penalty in the 120th minute or whatever. but otherwise, it's like something that would be a penalty at minute 8, you can't necessarily be calling it at minute 87. you're deciding the game.
1:06:28 you just gotta let them go almost no matter how egregious it is. why don't people tackle with their shoes up all the time anymore? because when i was watching the world cup in like 1998, 2002, 10 times a game people were going spikes up and it was awesome. because that's how you knew they really fucking wanted it.
1:06:48 game's gone soft. i did laugh when we were watching, i forget what game it was, but where the dude got the var red card for covering his mouth during a confrontational moment. kate was like, what was the red card for? and i said, well, the referee's gonna say it. and then the referee came out after review number 10,
1:07:14 decision is red card, covering mouth in a controversial moment. and i went, what? new rule because of racist footballers? saved myself by fixing the message real quick. that's probably what you meant to write. listen, i know, i watch sports. i know they're probably saying some vile stuff. it is really funny though to give someone a red card for covering their mouth.
1:07:37 almost as funny as it is to give someone a red card for falling on another dude's ankle when he wasn't even paying attention. okay, i mean i'll say it, i'll say it! they got a hit out on him! thanks for saying it. i didn't even watch the game to be honest. well, i watched it when i thought there was a chance the us might lose but then i turned it off like two minutes in. like i thought the bosnian team was supposed to be good. they have a guy who i've heard of and he can't be that old. yeah, jekko, edin jekko.
1:08:07 he's 50 years old, he's 900, you're thinking of methuselah. rooting against the us is pathetic, we're obviously going to lose. i'd root against you in everything basically. soccer ain't special.
1:08:22 it's not like i go into every tournament and i'm like, i'm gonna choose who to root for based on their odds. like some kind of idiot that's like, i just want the favorites in everything to lose and the underdogs in everything to win, like someone with no principles or something. i'm not like other sports fans. i think it would be fun if the underdog won for once. okay, real original. i go into basically every international tournament hoping to see people wearing the american flag crying.
1:08:48 and honestly if you win some games i could find a way to be like good for them. but at the same time i mean it is a... i'm waiting for whom the fucking bell tolls for sure. and it's so fucking fucked up that you guys are having such an awesome year for like international sports competitions. you're fucked up. fucked up president. because it would be so fucking sweet oh if you fucking shit the bed at the olympics and you fucking
1:09:21 washed out at the group stage in the world cup would have been so fucking sweet, man. fuck you. they won the super bowl too? motherfucker. they also won the nba? nope. by geographical latitude, the knicks are like the second most canadian team. raptors obviously further north than new york, but i think new york might be second. boston? boston's more north than new york? really?
1:10:03 portland is more north than toronto. that strikes me as something that could be true. because it feels like toronto is as north as vancouver and vancouver is very close to portland. so when, but when people from toronto come to vancouver they're like why isn't the sun going down at 5pm? i'm like bro cause the sun says at 10. you've never seen the sun before? we got a different sun out here. timber wolves are more north? not really, they spend most of the year in cancun.
1:10:39 i keep my head on tight. i don't wanna be playing day late at night. i can't sleep. i can't sleep. that new wolf parade stims are on the table now. wait! in cave of sapien, doesn't he go, whoa oh oh oh oh oh! i had a vision of a gorilla. whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! it was a killer! a killer! that's... he's referencing the stream, bro! where's the zookeeper?
1:11:12 ran over one of my 3000 cords here. what did he know? can canada! oh wait, i gotta turn my vest on. whoa! can you hear it? whoa! oh damn! damn shorty, okay. what's up y'all? yo! hello! are you guys being properly vibrated this morning? yeah! dangerous question. how aggressive have you guys been with the dial?
1:11:42 i'm setting it at 200% and leaving it at 200%. how would you describe your pain tolerance? it's not painful, it's not painful. this is enhancing gaming. right, right, right. this is not self harming device. because that would be against i'm sexy, this is hurting me. dan clancy, this is hurting me. and kate made me do it. no, no. on the yard one time, slime made a game show
1:12:15 i forget the name, but he made us wear a devices. you understand? hey, i wanted to be shocked me too out of solidarity for my brothers. you wish this? yes. do you wish this for both my brothers?
1:12:36 he's just ironclad. i can't. to put this on anything like a six and then keep it going, it's too much.
1:12:47 it was to simulate the pain of having a period, right? yes, exactly right. yeah, and he made us put it on our... well, yeah. and anyway, he put it to the max on me and it hurt a lot, but i'm really good at pretending it didn't hurt. but he kept trying to get me to crack, but i didn't want to give it to him, but it hurt a lot. and i still have never told him this. he thinks it didn't hurt me at all.
1:13:14 i've put it to 0%. i'm not even worried about this. one second. i got... whoa! wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. what are you doing? what are you doing? i think i got it on 200 now. you just dial it to red, no? yeah. well, it's... i don't know. it's like... it's pink, i guess.
1:13:34 i'm gonna turn mine up to blue. i'm light blue right now. light blue? i'm... yeah, i'm on 200% vibration. i'm actually jailbreaking it to make it more vibrative. oh! can you hear that? did y'all say you're so that when the audio plays, it shakes your body? wait, how do you do that? no, no, no. audio to haptic? yes. if i play a song, it vibrates throughout the entirety of the song. oh, my god.
1:14:04 so like if you play something from spotify, it vibrates your whole body right now. yeah, i'm listening to spirit tracks, legend of zelda, realm overworld and it's going crazy on my tummy. you think it works with amazon music? i don't think so. a lot of things don't, even though it's a big company, a lot of things don't. i remember i had amazon music and all they had for the first three years of their existence was one charlie puth album.
1:14:30 let me see if it works. i can connect this to my stream. anyone who gets it, i can get it. it's called enhanced money making. yeah, it's not vibrating for me at all. it's not vibrating for me. oh my god. i do have the audio haptic on. how did you do that? it's vibrating too much! do not turn it on! how did you do it? how did you turn it on? stop talking!
1:14:58 i think i'm fps voice mute as my game profile put me put me on bass please and then audio to haptics it doesn't work for me
1:15:17 okay, did you turn on the be haptic player? yes, i have be haptic player open. i need to experience this before we... okay, and then top left, i'll just show you. i got it on. mine's on pop. maybe it really doesn't work with amazon music. no, but now for me, it's not about the music. every time anyone talks, it vibrates. wait, if we talk? yeah, that's why i'm dying!
1:15:49 yeah, see that went crazy. oh, it does work if i set it to pop. okay, i'm also on pop and i'm getting no juice. that was it, and player, what's your player intensity? 200%. oh my gosh, i just turned mine to 200. oh, don't hit the ping button. you like it now? i'm talking, i'm talking, bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye
1:16:20 what if you close out of the game? oh shit. wait a second. now i'm thinking. wait a second. the thing is you need a thinker in the group and i want to be that guy in this group. everyone can be a thinker. still not working. still not working. guys, the thinker's out. when ryan talks it vibrates lower back. when ludwig talks it vibrates like upper half. everybody's a little different. that's why you need both.
1:16:50 guys, i don't think i should be here. i dead ass think it's just amazon music is so far behind the times they haven't even made a plug in for the b haptics gaming vest. no, no, close amazon music. you don't need amazon music. you don't need any music. you just need to open yeah, it should just work off audio of your... oh, connecting, connecting. how much did these vests cost? kate, would you like to give them an answer?
1:17:25 500 bucks? really? yeah. oh okay, i don't know, i thought they were like 1200 bucks each. no. this is still expensive, don't get me wrong. i mean i will say mine was working totally fine until i turned on audio to haptics. i got too close to the sun. is it plugged in? not plugged in, but i see where you're going with that one. do you guys know this is machine washable? it is, really. not the motors, but the fabric. that makes more sense, yeah you probably, yeah.
1:17:59 i saw your device on my screen. just now? yeah. anyone else calling this your january 6th outfit as well? i'm getting that a lot. i got a lot of doctor respect today. a lot of you look like you're dressed for the job you want. a lot of stuff in that vein. oh man. you think this is the shit hans niemann put in his ass?
1:18:28 the troubleshooting is annoying but at least i'm not pulling it out of my ass and then putting it back in over and over. imagine him bro. it's in his ass and then someone says you have to repair. son of a bitch. oh you're on the wrong bluetooth frequency hans. sorry you're picking up a ham radio. you're gonna feel crazy about a vibration soon. you may need to update or reinstall your bluetooth drivers, restart your pc and reinsert the provided dongle.
1:18:58 what do you guys think the provided dongle is? it's not the same for everybody. let's put it that way. one second, i got a mute in discord for this part. i said a thousand times it was working when we even started the segment and then
1:19:17 this motherfucker, this churlish so and so literally didn't test it at all before the start of the stream. why didn't he test it in the intervening two hours? it was working until we pressed one button we'd never pressed before in the software! you gotta have mercy! does it work?
1:19:36 i don't know, because right now kate has both devices connected to her computer. hey, what up? hi, am i vibrating you? you feel it? i am, i can indeed feel it. now turn that shit up, let me vibrate. this is why i don't have control over my settings anymore, so. wait, it's through her pc? yeah, through her pc. so it's like you're talking to both of us at the same time. which i think i'm doing normally, but now through your vibrations as well.
1:20:05 also, whenever i talk, i vibrate myself. yeah. wait. okay. now you have to turn it to 200% and then you have to go to your computer and then randomly play the vine boom sound effect. did you feel it, ryan?
1:20:24 i don't know, i would describe it as like a zero out of ten in intensity. right below my chest. you have to go, okay hold up, go to audio to haptics and you have to juice it. oh wait wait wait, maybe i'll make it louder, okay okay. no you can also try to oh my god, okay. yeah obviously i felt that one, i felt that one. whoa, she boomed me! i could tell i got boomed out of nowhere.
1:20:53 moving you and you're not noticing it is killing me when you were typing all the stuff i was trying to fool you i'm telling you my uh my esthetician when i was getting my back lasered she said i have an incredible pain tolerance so this is like nothing to me and you can see look at the light on this thing it's popping off bro crank it up you triple it wait turn your dial turn your dial i do it doesn't get any higher
1:21:19 oh my gosh. i keep turning it. whoa. okay. maybe it gets a little higher. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. oh my gosh. all right. we're going to say nothing to me, man. this ain't nothing to me. can we say right off the jump? not sponsored, not sponsored, not sponsored, which part? the, say the spire or the haptic vest either either, or, um, i mean, you paid out of pocket for this, right? oh, speak for yourself. i got a 50 k deal. all right, guys. i want to thank
1:21:49 sorry for all that stuff i said about your software, bhapticplayer and the incredible, the incredible bluetooth dongle included with the model. i really appreciate that. wdongle. ryan, did you unlock even the ascensions or just the characters? i think i got it all. it's all. it's all? wait, how? okay, i need help. how do you do the command and stuff? okay, you are going to be on your home screen in slay the spire 2. press the tilde key.
1:22:18 what the heck is a tilde key? the key you use when you extend a laugh in hangul. what? when you're, if you were texting and you want to extend. okay, i got it. yeah. and then you are going to just type unlock space all. i'm sitting here trying to think of how i would explain tilde. a little bit like cate blanchett, but different in some ways. she got the squint ball. i would be a squiggly line guy. i would,
1:22:53 this player you attempted to join is running a version of slayers of fire 2 that does not match mine. how could this be possible? i play this game every day. this is likely because the host is on the steam branch dev test, but i am on the branch public beta. ahhh. oh, you guys are on the beta? no, hold up. we're being noobs. this is on us, not him this time. we have to change? isn't it easier for one person to change than us two? why are you guys on the beta branch? you don't play this game!
1:23:24 what do you mean? i played this game! i i let's go bar for bar, hours for hours, right now. you might have us both be combined. i'm at 43.7, what do you got? what do you got? it's sounding low. quiet. uh, so you're playing default. wait, why are you playing default with all those hours? shouldn't you be playing the public beta? i got a lot to learn. i still got i'm still teasing stuff out from the from the director's cut.
1:23:55 from the theatrical cut. i don't need the director's commentary. i'm already on, yeah, i'm on the director's cut. oh, i'm in. it vibrated because you joined. it vibrates when you change character. how do you feel about this? you're probably nothing because you are not connected. that's right. that's a good point. my ascension button disappeared. i'm sorry. it was there a second ago and now it's gone. what happened to my ascension? it's a known bug. oh my god. i'm going to freak out. i'm going to miss.
1:24:25 i heard they fixed that in the public beta. i'm going to freak out. i'm actually gonna freak out. what do you mean? it's a known bug. if you click it too much, it goes away. oh my god. can you stop clicking it so much then? why isn't it bugs? launch it. oh my gosh, lost coffer. they got rid of that. did they really? no, i have no idea. that would be huge news for a guy like me if they got rid of lost coffer. oh, that's big. defend into an evil eye.
1:24:53 whoa, hey, what'd you do? i'm doing stuff. i'm doing stuff. don't worry guys. i've owned him. oh wow, it's rocking my shit right now. oh damn. it doesn't just vibrate when you get hit though. it also vibrates when you rest or when you, i think when you do damage as well. yeah, when you do damage is the funny one.
1:25:23 well, you know, takes one to know one, i guess. you gotta move your body. but that's why i thought there should be like a version of this that taps directly into your spinal cord. so when you get healed instead of vibrating, it gives you like a jolt of like pleasure or something like that. like it gives you a wave of euphoria and you go, oh, and then you go, what happened? and then ludwig goes, i used my healing potion on you because you were about to die or something like that.
1:25:50 you give like tesla a few more years i think that could be sick right it could be sick and i would be chugging the estus in dark souls if they come out with that we'll be dead on the first boss anyway, so it's no big deal. oh
1:26:22 i think if i put like a couple of sticks, or a couple of jugs of milk under my vest, at the end of the stream we might have a little cream. let's put it that way. oh, my bad. i think you're gonna go for the spike, man. i'm just saying how i feel, man. the most vibration does come from picking a card up. see, that's where they could really use the, the euphoria dart. a euphoria dart injected into your spine directly
1:26:51 and you have a monthly subscription of morphine. yes, it's a great business and it costs money or make the best really easy to put on and then really really hard to take off. oh, i isn't this? we're just making uh what's that show where they go the anime die in the game you die in real life. oh sword art online that's the one she knows
1:27:18 i believe after all. that's true. you still a weeb? oh, yeah. yeah, she's trying to get me to read a light novel. that's deep. do you remember the what it's called? i don't remember what it's called. re metaphor. oh my god, re zero. re zero. oh, but i can't take blood wall because it'll hurt me. look, it sounds like...
1:27:50 ryan's got to read a light novel and you guys start playing slay the spire too. you can't say that my chat told me that you are worse at this game than me. you know what i might agree had it not been for your 15 health. serotonin bomb incoming. serotonin nuke look out! there you go how did that feel? that's huge.
1:28:15 okay, i'm gonna hit this. i guess the morphine wasn't added yet. no, she's so enraptured right now she can't speak. she's looking like hugh jackman at the end of the fountain, but before he gets turned into a tree. was i supposed to react in a way that you wanted? i threw a potion at you, you healed for 20%. with all that weird noise that you did? you healed for 20% of your max hp. you sat down on the final floor and go like, oh my god.
1:28:41 hopefully like that's how we would like for it to feel that way. that's the reaction every guy wants. we should be playing cs. it would hit different if you were holding an angle and then out of nowhere it was like boom! like i bet your brain would fill in the gaps to make it feel like you actually got shot. it would hurt. you would jump and sometimes you get jump scared in cs too. you know when i was a kid i read like a creepypasta. i do have skills. i do have skills. that said,
1:29:09 they made a 2k football game in like 2004 that had first person viewing in it. so you could like be the quarterback.
1:29:17 and then it was everything you threw in first person, you got tackled in first person, et cetera, et cetera. i read an article that they had made look like it came from a medical laboratory that was like, we have tested this on people and they've started to wake up with bruises and broken bones and then they would get unchecked aggression and rage. and it was basically turning them into
1:29:45 zombies like that the game was too real and at that formative age when i read it. i actually believed it i was like scared to play the mode. i mean, that's that's like that you just that's beautiful marketing did they must have made the copy pasta? no, well, you know what?
1:30:01 now you're thinking like a businessman. that's a very good point. i didn't even consider that. but it didn't work on my ass because i was like, i got to stay away. i can't play that mode. i might die. yeah, i guess i did have the reverse effect for you. i played runescape and someone typed xd and i said, what's that? and they said the greatest runescape player to ever live. and i thought that for years. i also learned what oral sex was on battle.net.
1:30:23 excuse me? someone in battle.net chat made a joke about oral sex and i said, what's that? and they said, ask your parents. and i said, no, seriously, what's that? and they wouldn't tell me. and then someone was like, it's with your mouth. and i went, oh, of course. you should be playing the seinfeld theme in the background right now. so my vest is going like, why do you want me to get copyright claimed?
1:30:51 and i try to guess what song it is based off the vibrations. that's a great idea. now you're innovating. see, i mean with necessity's the mother of invention. yeah, like death bandle. oh man. and maybe some songs probably just hit different like when you only hear the vibrations. i gotta get my audio haptics back on. okay, get this music. all right, it's impossible. but it's shaking me up. i can't deny that it's shaking me up.
1:31:25 it's shaking me up something fierce. is this like megalovania? no. it's just a perma vibrate from the slay the spire music. you probably did turn off the slay the spire music. oh, that's why. is it? i was... you were playing something that was rocking me. are you playing a song?
1:31:43 i am. it's like, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do
1:32:14 we're like half an hour into the run. oh man, that's good. i'm still getting rocked by the way. no, i have the voice. oh, i'm rocking myself. that's my own voice. you're rocking yourself right now dude. i do like the idea that your own voice... you can remove voices too. whatever you're doing is making me hungry. the music goes crazy in this game. this is impossible. wait, just stay out the beats. dumb.
1:32:51 you got it right you got it right though. i don't know i have no idea what it is. oh it's we shot music yeah getting we shot from only vibrates imagine no i overreacted to a misclick
1:33:27 slay the spire too, but every time i die zucchini goes further my ass. so, you know tomorrow's dream not what i think that it would be very judgmental if they said it was self harming what does dan clancy know about my ass? i really got to fix my own vest cuz i mean before monday because i was thinking i might just keep this on for the rest of my streaming career just be the
1:33:57 the vest guy? really absorb the doctor's respect. i also told people that it was harvesting the limited amount of electricity that your body gives off ambiently and then it stores it and if you tap the button you can do one double jump a day. dude. imagine though. the things i'd give for a double jump. i mean they're precious but you could still have some fun with it. what are you using a double jump on like day to day? well i think just
1:34:24 like getting close to crashing into somebody while walking on the street and then double jumping over them would be awesome and then you don't turn around you keep yeah, you just keep walking. yeah. yeah. yeah or like hear me out jumping off the diving board pointing down and then pressing the button to do a really fast dive into the water because it would push you in the in the other direction it did also get me thinking like what if you fell off the top of a building and people were like, ah
1:34:55 and then like six feet before the bottom you just tap the button. boop. no, this has been studied because this is the elevator theory if you're falling in an elevator shaft and you jump at the last second can you live the elevator fall? i know that they literally people talk about the mythbusters episode like they're god. they're not god just think about it in your head think about it in your head if they're if the elevators falling and you jump a nanosecond before it hits the bottom how would you not live?
1:35:24 i'm telling you, i was convinced. i was convinced grant imahara changed me. i think you would live. i don't know, sometimes i do, but i think my quads have fallen off. wait, no, no, no, you guys were right. this is like the time that i thought if you jump in an airplane, like while it's flying, why don't you fly like 50 meters backwards? it's because you're moving, even though you're falling, like jumping doesn't cancel out all the momentum that you have inherited from the elevator. okay.
1:35:57 i probably did not feel the crazy vibration. i felt it, but it's just they gotta crank it up does it just work with cs? although it'll be messed up every time my wife gets shot. i'll feel it it's kind of like yeah. yeah, it'll just work probably how it works in real life. i guess just collect the drpc it doesn't work
1:36:15 my bluetooth dongle doesn't work. are you wired on everything? like do you have a wired mouse? it's a hybrid. what does that mean? it's plugged in right now, but i can, it's a wireless, but i have it plugged in. you know, he's learning mandarin, so. that's true. there's something. why are you not responding ludwig?
1:36:54 what something funny about a grown man drinking apple juice it's funny to you because your mandarin is so good it's funny to you in a 37 year old man wants to drink a delicious beverage no, you got me beat already. well, you've actually used it though, which is like that's way beyond yeah, but now my wires are crossed. oh, i mean, you know in china anymore. oh
1:37:25 i know but like i learned japanese and chinese and a little of both and i went to a sushi restaurant i said, nii o chutoro. oh no, oh no. that just doesn't fly. that's pretty bad. yeah i know i can't get my wires uncrossed. i was at the dodgers game last night and someone came up because they saw me get a picture that were japanese and they just assumed i was famous so they wanted a picture.
1:37:50 and i said, nihonjin desu ka? and they said, oh my god, you're amazing. and then a couple behind me just started ripping japanese to me. oh no. and i couldn't reply because there was chinese coming to my brain and i can't get the wires uncrossed. so i said, no, no, i don't. it's a daijoubu desu situation. sumimasen, watashi no nihongo wa gomide. that's a great line.
1:38:19 my japanese is trash can. all right, kate, go. i know you want to say something. go ahead. what? i... no. i know you want to say something in japanese. no, no, no, not at all. what a couple of white guys hanashi mas. see, that was pissing me off because i don't know what that means. so now i'm left out of the conversation. i don't know how to say japanese in chinese.
1:38:51 why am i running back? ruku ren? oh, rupen. they don't get a gua for some reason. that's right. ludwig, i apologize if i brought this up to you before, but how good does it feel when you're like in japan and you don't know that much japanese, but you know more than a white guy that you're standing next to. and then you get to drop like a word that he doesn't know and you farm all the like, oh my god, your japanese is so good attention from within the group.
1:39:22 then you just don't say anything else so that they don't realize that you don't know anything else. i think this this strat unfortunately is it's a burnt strategy in japan. they're not impressed anymore when a white guy speaks. no, they're almost there's they're sick of it they're like, oh, you're shitty. ariga don't get out of here but let me tell you in china you say one word and it's like wow i
1:39:53 he put it in the work. what university did you study at for your whole life? i realized that people are like why are you learning mandarin? like do you have a particular interest in chinese food? not really. history still got a lot to learn. i think it's mostly just because it's the language that gets you maybe like the most attention as a white guy just for knowing a little bit. no it's just that you love the road to empress so much. there is that too.
1:40:19 are you caught up on that one? no, i still need to finish the second one but ever since youtube changed the creator dashboard to show you estimated revenue per video instead of just the views it's been less incentivizing to play more road to empress when you see exactly how much instantly? mmm, it's i'm waiting there. i'm playing be in that. that's right. i
1:40:43 i genuinely think it could and i don't know how it'll play but it could play like the most racist audio ever heard by me. it could be career ruining. oh no! okay, i'll finish the game then. with that little carrot dangling on the end of the stick, i'll finish the game. well, i'm not in it yet but my scene
1:41:10 the whole idea of it was that i was supposed to be a foreign dignitary who, you know, obsessed over chinese culture and language and wanted to impress, you know, one of the characters. and so to do so, i had to do a chinese poem and a tongue twister in chinese. oh, wow. what they didn't tell me
1:41:37 is that there would be no teleprompter. and bear in mind, this is like an ancient chinese poem. this would be like remembering shakespeare in english, but i got to do it in chinese. but at least you didn't have to write the poem yourself. all right, i got it on ascension 5. we got this one. and then we're gonna this is the real deal. then we're gonna put the ninja rocks on the vest for next week and run cs2.
1:42:01 it's when you smash a spark plug with a brick and then the little pieces of the spark plug are like so something to do with their surface texture makes them so sharp that if you throw it at a car window it'll shatter into like a million pieces. oh no why would you want to do that? human skin probably beats it one. no one's ever tested. okay, i thought he's not idea that he's saying that on his stream
1:42:29 one time i was walking home from subway in college and i swear a bunch of motherfuckers from their second floor window poured dish soap on me and my sandwich when i was walking home from the fucking subway. so they ruined my sandwich and covered me with dish soap. i went back to our university house, we had spark plugs, i smashed them with a brick and i went back and tried to throw the ninja rocks at their window. i was so fucking pissed off but i never hit the window. i threw them a bunch of times that i never made it through but
1:42:59 wait, so like every time you're failing a throw are you like getting less and less upset? i was heavily intoxicated to be clear. like i was like dangerously intoxicated. this was at like two in the morning. did you get arrested? no. well, you might have destroyed something. they destroyed my sandwich. i know what you're going to say. back then it was only five bucks. yeah, but it meant a lot back then. and the sandwich was worth more than five bucks. that's why we were buying them.
1:43:27 it's crazy the footlong was five. it is insane more like soap soap way. that's pretty good i might have still eaten the sandwich honestly for all its huddle huddle. sorry. sorry. sorry you guys gonna see minions and monsters? yes. sorry. i said that way too excited. yeah, probably wait, are you a huge minion fan? this is supposed to be the best one. oh
1:43:52 our kid was watching minion compilations yesterday and i swear she was laughing harder than i've ever heard her laugh in my entire life. no! which gave me a lot to think about. but honestly, i was watching it and i was like, these guys are pretty funny. you hear why they have no female minions? oh, i don't know this. i don't know this. really? yeah. i thought you'd have been hit to this. they asked the director, they go, why has there never been a girl minion?
1:44:22 and he said i couldn't imagine a girl dumb enough to be a minion. oh, that's performative. i lit him up on my alts. you know what i would have said? yeah, get me there. okay, so ryan, why no female minions? some of the minions you've seen are actually female. really? bob? yep, girl named bob. what's her full name? bobarina? could just be robert. we got ladies named like...
1:44:56 doja cat. the interviewer stood up and clapped. yeah. i mean the compilation got me pogging up. you still pogging up? oh still. why did i miss something? oh no no no.
1:45:13 i do also as more of an inside joke but when we did that champions of fire mobile game tournament and the host kept flubbing the ad read for despicable me minions rush on the cell phone, which did not make it to broadcast because it was like rehearsal the day before, but he kept going, featuring all your favorite lovable characters from the minionverse including larry, sherry, and carrie. and then they would be like, we gotta run that back again.
1:45:36 me and max were in the audience fucking dying laughing. had to do like at least eight takes of this like perfect ad read. a copywriter probably put a lot of time into that. you know how it is.
1:45:52 they're always like, oh, don't talk about sensitive issues when you're streaming our video game. don't stop talking about covid while you're playing our video game. man, you can't put a muzzle on me. and then for effect, i grab the haptic vest dial and crank it.
1:46:11 like sparks are coming off of it fine boobs not effective and you said i broke these spark plugs outside guess what's in my pocket exactly break my own webcam you could farm an irl mmm, no, not really
1:46:27 it is so crazy that right after this i'm gonna have to go pick up our kid and there's gonna be a bunch of like really really normal adults that are like how was your day and i'm not gonna say anything about the vest. keep the vest on for this one. i don't think they'll let me into the facility with the vest on. if it wasn't me, i wouldn't want them to let in someone wearing this to the facility so but you're right i could double jump over them
1:46:55 we should, oh, if i get like some cycling sunglasses and show up in the vest and these and act like i ran really fast. i like that. and then you're, you know what? you should top it off by wearing your bicycle bib. yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. yeah, yeah, yeah. and i get to the camp and i hit like a, i hit my watch and i go, oh, eight seconds. oh. there you go. it's like the movie version of doing pushups and you go, a hundred.
1:47:27 oh man, that could be sweet. like for next season or like a hundred years ago? what does wadge say about that?
1:47:52 like like watch he's out. he's out to him these days. oh, i've seen that guy on american tvs it really did from the canadian perspective it really does seem like at least 15% of americans spend all day watching two people do a radio show that's also a
1:48:16 like a tv show like they're speaking in the microphones as if it's the radio but also it's clearly being filmed for television and then it'll be like three a three hour segment on a tweet that someone made yeah this heads up it's a fascinating a fascinating way to live your life
1:48:36 we've been watching the world cup and we left the tv on at the office. and then i saw for the first time in probably 10 years, like morning tele... it was like fox news in the morning. it has to be fox because fox has the world cup rights, okay? he didn't self report. and no, no, i switched to fox. from telemundo to fox, yeah, okay. you put me onto the peloton strad. what's that? you're watching movies?
1:49:04 ignoring the awesome big screen that you paid for instead using your tiny phone. to do whatever you want. yes. because if you use the big screen, you can only do what they want you to do. and they want you to have a bad time and your small screen wants you to have a good time. exactly. wait, wait, wait. you've been audited, i'm afraid. you've been pillow audited in my chat. is this true? it's true. i'm three months off the pillow. i don't even know what that's like. i have a new baby.
1:49:34 and what the baby is called demon bluff. it is no, that is one of our babies. that's why no, no, no. the real baby is the i can't even think of the name right now. the vibrations actually. yeah. yeah. yeah. flood him. flood him. no, you have to stop talking for a moment. the tonal machine. oh, the tonal. do you screw it into the wall? and yeah, i've been using the tonal machine.
1:50:00 i mean, ascension 5 is a joke, just to be honest. it's a little bit below my slay the spire station to be playing ascension 5. especially because the haptic vest is performance enhancing because it makes you lock in more. it's been going nonstop on me and i feel my body puffing. is that good? i don't know. i haven't questioned it yet. i feel like ours completely stopped. i'm playing with the music of slay the spire.
1:50:32 oh, that explains it. you want to back out ryan? crank it. oh yeah, that's what i got. yeah. you're making yourself vibrate. once was a ship that came to see you. the name of the ship was the silly money. say our way and go. are you guys getting that? it actually is hitting all the right spots. it really is. this is the lower back shanty for sure.
1:51:04 i'll do that. why not? kate, i like when you talk. i'm coming. i'm coming. i'm coming. when you talk, it's like a ripple across the upper chest of the suit. when i talk? yeah. yeah. no, when i talk, you should have nothing. well, true. it's probably when i talk. is it ludwig making me feel that way? am i rippling you? yeah. i think ludwig is making you feel good. i'd really like to get this.
1:51:26 because i was gonna use the... i was gonna wait until you guys were talking and then i was gonna throw the potion at you and make your suit vibrate a bunch. that's 15 damage. it is 15 damage. it'd probably be a pretty good vibrate. i threw away two potions for it too. yes. i have to turn off the audio. i can't actually... i can't even play the video game. what's the matter, lud? scared you might feel something?
1:51:59 i'm feeling too much. i'm feeling too much. honestly, wait, wait. give it the low voice. so like so many things in my life are stacking together to point towards me getting a neurodivergent diagnosis and the fact that i feel so comfortable just getting inundated with vibrations on my tummy while i'm talking like i'm more focused than i've ever been. i feel like this is maybe the the trump card amongst them all.
1:52:24 that is crazy. no, that's not the trump card you used to walk in your tippy toes. i still do like you ever read reddit posts from people that were like my parents suspected something about me because every time i got home from school i would just go under the couch cushions and stay in there like a like a couch sandwich until bedtime like that's how i feel right now. i feel so comfortable comfortable
1:52:51 what they need to do is stop selling this as like enhancing gaming and instead get like some medical contracts that it's like a comfort vest for people who have like a blanket. exactly. for people who has diverse thoughts. well, that's not it.
1:53:17 so i do have that. so your son has diverse thoughts. and we think he needs to... we can't let him get close. have you seen that? yeah, have you seen that, lon? yeah, of course i've seen i can't let you get close. i might have seen it because you've seen it. you might have seen it and then someone saw you seeing it and then they made me see it. that's how it works. we're all... oh, and now tim's playing it. fucking amateur.
1:53:49 is tim like your... tim is for you what the vest is for me? like he makes you feel normal? no, it's the opposite. you know miss trunchable? yeah, from matilda. yeah. yeah, he's like my miss trunchable. he's throwing you in the chokie? yep, throws me in the chokie. but you know, you need the kids to go to the chokie otherwise they get out of line. kate, that butt hits so hard. the butt? when he said butt, it like rattled my rib cage. he was like a skeleton playing the xylophone.
1:54:19 where do i hit? it's right in the solar plexus. you're like middle? yeah. i'm middle? yeah. okay, let me turn on. let me turn on. let me see where you guys hit. i'm not hitting anything by the hour. you're hitting yourself, right? oh no, i think i did the ryan. no! when you go into the software, does it, and you look at the device, does it say disconnected or like a constant reconnecting? it's disconnecting dot dot dot. oh my god.
1:54:49 oh, thank god this happened in ludwig so everyone knows it's not just me. i mean, on one hand, i feel bad for you, of course, that sucks. but on the other hand, this is huge for me. and it's back, i pressed it. wait. nope. yeah, we're back, we're back. oh shit, he fixed it. he fixed it in like a second too. yeah, they'll turn it on, turn it off technique. just hook you up to kate's as well. yeah, yeah, yeah, just come over. she's got three.
1:55:19 okay, wait, wait, wait. three. three. that's a good one. three. you gotta go cool. okay, okay. let me turn off the audio. that's it. that's it. that's the lower back. if every one of the motors was replaced with like a $700 theragun, i mean you could you could tenderize yourself pretty good. okay, hit me with the line. hit me with the line. ratif kusin with the putt. that's high. that wasn't my breast. that was high. really?
1:55:51 to win the game ratif gusen yeah that's upper upper chest like that was you hit my back there though i feel like hitting my kidney i like i like it when someone hits my kidney your uber's here your uber your
1:56:14 now if only everybody in chat was hooked up to kate's computer too so you could feel what we're feeling. i bet too that we sound so stupid. that's the ultimate version is you hook everyone in chat up to it. well, ludwig did you see when you boot up the software there are like stream elements that can hook into the software.
1:56:43 so when people like donate or subscribe it could do something to your haptic vest. yeah, i saw that. it's all a game. wait, someone's getting some good vibrations over there. i can hear it on the mic. you can hear i'm playing otherworld from final fantasy x. it is just a vibration. that's all. there's nothing else happening except for me jiggling. i need to attach spikes to this is what i realized. no, then you cannot monetize.
1:57:13 cuz it's self harm. self harm, yeah. damn, he's going off over there. he sounds like he's on howard stern. is the vibrating really picking up through? he's on the cibian, man. wait, you didn't get the bee hafting cibian machine? i have the visual indicator for chat. oh, shit. i'll tell you what. does this vibration make you feel comfortable? i feel so good. i honestly feel like a normal human being. like, i'm honestly going... i can't even feel like i can't think. are you ready for this?
1:57:46 i'm not sure which actor you're talking about. no, no, i can picture his face. i just don't know his name. i think it's fixing me. i think the vibration is vibrating me back to normal. is that how you talk? i'm depersonalizing. you're becoming normal? then you're becoming like... it's killing him. it's killing him. have you guys seen the new episode of love island? who the fuck said that?
1:58:20 i i i this is the first time i have to turn it down. it's literally does not bother me at all. i could sleep through this. maybe you should just wear it all the time. i'm starting to think that might be the move. it is enhancing you, actually. imagine you're hooked up and playing your dolls. i mean, i i would probably i would say i'd probably be like, wow, the connections is really hard today. i'd probably become one of those those people who is like,
1:58:51 you're like, really? why is the most popular search trend today wordle answer? i think i would be like, oh, i get it now. i sit here and i'll tell you full honestly, i feel like i feel like i am parking in a packed costco and the radio is turned to the loudest it can possibly be. you're overstimulated. yeah. yeah. you're overstimulated. and there's somebody waving their hands outside the car.
1:59:18 and i don't know what it means. i don't think that's for me. i think that's normal because that's how i feel too. well you know what's crazy? you know why? because what you and you and the rest of you don't understand about being a guy like me is that's what is normal to us. that's what normal life feels like. to diverse guys. yeah exactly. the guys who are ambiguously neurodivergent because we haven't gotten the results yet.
1:59:44 when do you get the results? i haven't done the test yet. i imagine you probably have to do the test first and then after that... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. that makes sense. i think it's more about the sound of the vibration than actual vibration. mine's the vibration for sure. i have to wait for it to end to form my thought, then i can say it. it's like a speech jammer. yes. that's crazy. you guys are weird.
2:00:14 walks away on a sit test. but for real, it's great being a parent too, because sometimes i'll pick my kid up from something and then like another five year old would be like, why are you walking on your tippy toes? and i got to be like, oh my god. it just feels more comfortable for me that way. and also you shouldn't ask strangers questions like that. do you have crazy calves? yeah, he does.
2:00:37 librarian pull up the video of helping them move the mahjong table. dude that thing actually has so many views it's actually disgusting. what is this? i am disgusted by the internet. i think it actually has like 100,000 views just and then it was it was my stream and has nothing to do with ryze cows and now it's everything about the cows. i will say by the way ludwig did see me in person but i was wearing bootcut that day they were oversized so there's no way he could have known it's not his fault.
2:01:05 it has 150,000 views. dude! oh my god. that's really funny. somebody walked in, i almost killed myself. i couldn't handle it. there's no coming back from that. i couldn't, i was panicking. it's really just a picture of you picking up a table. oh my god!
2:01:31 we out here doing the most. jeez, you even lift on your tippy toes. mm hmm. i don't know. your death reform has to be insane. i can't get lower. the only way i can get down on my heels in like a standing position with my knees bent is literally with a squat bar on my back with weight on it. then it like it gives me just enough resistance to make me get lower. but if i have no weight on my shoulders, i can't get lower. i didn't say he's watching it on his stream. it looks like you have implants in your calves.
2:02:01 that's just what they're like, man. it was great. look, i'm flabbergasted. you got two melons in there. oh, this was interesting. this was... i took it off. guys, can i come clean? i took it off. just now, though. you took off the vest? yes. is really that bothersome? like, i think it's my nervous system. because i have it on for every sound effect. yeah. you must too, though.
2:02:30 it's just another it's killing me. bro, this is just what it's like to be at the mall. oh my gosh, i would hate the mall. now you're getting it. i think it's hate the mall? hate the mall, but for some reason, obsessed with disneyland, which is very, very interesting. no, no, not you, not you. no, no, i was just making a it's a genre of joke, i suppose. i see, i see. well, i guess i'll take it off too. time to go back to being fucked up.
2:03:01 this was fun. it's nice to feel like a normal person for a little bit. bring it with you. bring it with you for the day. bring it with you, ryan. keep it on. see how you feel. i'll sing the song so that the vest will keep on vibrating for you. are you sweaty under yours? not at all. not me. like dryer. dryer than normal. yeah, drier than i've ever been. the only time i've ever felt like this is when i got a tattoo. damn, maybe i should get tatted up.
2:03:31 you might love the process of a tattoo. you would also look crazy with a sleeve. you would change lives. there's a lot of people rocking that look around here. and down there, i assume. ryan cannot have tattoos. he's already getting side eyed from the officers at the airport. that's true. yeah, the rcmp doesn't like me. i actually have to save him. they don't like me. you're getting pulled aside. i'm getting pulled aside on the flights to japan.
2:04:02 like almost all the time. wait, wait, by canadian equivalent of tsa? canadian equivalent of the fbi. i don't know why! two times i've flown to japan and there's been officers at the gate that are like, we just want to ask you some questions. and i have to, i have to help them. like, he's my husband. he's my husband. we're together. and then the officer, they just go, all right, all right. you got an asian wife, you can go. they literally might just be fans. it's possible.
2:04:31 that's not the look that you were giving them. when you were called over, the face that you were having was not. it was 100% panic. you should have had the vest on. yeah. then they'd ask you a lot more questions. you get on the plane with that vest, the dial starts spinning in colors. oh man. i'll reboot this weekend and then my driver will work.
2:04:51 i mean you gotta at least run it on cs2. look that's the real solution. i mean putting in... no no i think more fun in minecraft more so than cs. i would get too scared. no because you want to get shot. you want to get shot and feel where you got shot. yes exactly. what if i shoot you? well then yeah.
2:05:13 oh my god, what if you put the vest on in cs2 and you can actually shoot somebody? could you imagine? wait, that's not nice ludwig. you can't say that. no, i've watched him play. i can say it. could you imagine though? with the awp in his hands, he's electric. yeah, cs2 would go crazy. i'm adding spikes to mine. do it and then if you don't get banned, maybe we'll do that too. dang clancy be damned.
2:05:40 if you don't get banned. i think on youtube you will not get banned. you just won't be able to monetize the video. i don't think you'd get banned. and to be absolutely safe, i put spikes in it and i play while driving and then i'm for sure not getting banned. oh no. alright, well i'm out of here. this was a one of a kind unique experience without a doubt.
2:06:07 guys, i'll come clean to you. this is horrible for me. i still feel like my brain's buzzing. i loved it and i love it even more because you don't like it at all. because you don't appreciate it, i appreciate it even more. no, that makes sense to me. chiblee, can you translate for me? we gotta get squeaks in it too. he literally dodged because he was scared. i think he actually got his vest though. he'll do the cs2 one. he would love to.
2:06:34 we will do this. but then the thing is, i would like it if my enemy wears the vest. you know what i mean? so that they feel the pain whenever i shoot. not me getting shot. you're saying we need to buy six more vests so we can do 5v5 with the modded vests on. and there's another win condition because the team could just resign if the players start to take too much damage.
2:07:01 oh, i can't, i can't, i can't do it anymore. yeah. once, once you unzip the vest, then you're out. so we set up a five five in house with all your enemies and then we have them. yeah, that works. we'll just see us next. okay. all right. later. peace out. see you. no man. she thinks she ronaldo. ronaldo does that when he scores a goal, he goes, see you.
2:07:34 anyway, i'm gonna go eat lunch before i have to pick my kid up from her activity i will send you over to my wife's dream and i will be back on monday crazy segment at the end honestly the vest felt good man, and i also feel good that i took it off. like i do feel lighter now. i feel like i had a little massage. good night you're onto something
2:08:00 pray on my airplane, pray on my airplane my god is there, my god is there feel like i'm reborn and i just feel like i'm reborn and you gotta keep it in there kicking and screaming you wanna read my scripture you wanna read my scripture
2:08:42 i go to parties and sleep on the floor. i go to windows but only find doors. they think i'm crazy but i have a good time. life ain't good to me so far. that one john lennon song about women? women!
2:09:05 i want to be a woman, i've got the feeling of love yeah, you're talking to me, you see right through me you've got the visions of love, that one he's a woman, you know what i mean? there's no way i'm letting it sound like that you've got to set me free, yeah and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then