Yo they nerfed dogs I guess (Spelunky 2)

Name: Yo they nerfed dogs I guess (Spelunky 2)
Uploaded: 2026-07-27
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "Yo they nerfed dogs I guess (Spelunky 2)" (Spelunky 2) — 75 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-07-27Spelunky 2

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0:00 i could also be playing spelunky too. did you see the pro cs player that got fined for fixing his balls mid game? oh man, see i don't want to accidentally wade into the culture war and find out that they were doing something heinous, but the way you have phrased it, the way you phrased it certainly is phrased in such a way that could tick me off, man. because sometimes you just gotta, you gotta move your stuff around and there's nothing gross happening.
0:32 it's kind of like when you have a huge booger in your nose and you know you have to get the booger out but you just have to wait until nobody's looking to pick your nose. every once in a while, they just get crossed up, man, and you gotta uncross them. but you gotta wait until nobody's looking, otherwise you go to jail. it's messed up what they're doing to our nation's men, man. let them adjust them. sometimes you gotta adjust. you know what i'm talking about?
1:14 something's crossed up my nuts or something, something told me not to cry.
1:33 you're elbow deep in there? you gotta be elbow deep in the arcade fire, at least for the funeral album. i don't know about, you know, creature comforts and shit like that, but for funeral, you gotta be... and it's not for windbudler, it's for it's out of respect for regine regine chasseuse, okay? it's out of respect for regine chasseuse. oh... that was gold. oh, anyway. living rooms, bedrooms, inets. oh yeah. first three albums, just incredible.
2:17 yeah, bro. is it peak? yeah, i'll say it's peak. it's mountains beyond mountains, bro. read a book. i'm feeling good, man. i'm feeling spelunky good. seen any movies lately? thank you for the impetus to talk about the lego movie. my kid wanted to watch a movie last night. i said, how about the minions? she said, no, i'm not really feeling it. i said, what about the lego movie? i've never seen it. she said, sure, i'll watch the lego movie. but she was like, i know nothing about it, so i don't know if i wanna watch it.
2:53 i really thought that would kill that spider. that couldn't have gone worse, man. imagine my surprise when they introduce chris pratt wearing a construction worker's vest and she goes, oh, that must be emmett. i thought you knew nothing about the lego movie. it turns out you know an awful lot about the lego movie. i mean, she knew everything is awesome. i expected her to know everything is awesome, but i thought it was pretty good.
3:24 i definitely think it wouldn't have been me, but i think i would have had classmates who if they were 12 when they saw the lego movie it would have become their whole personality for like six months for sure. hold, hold, hold, hold. not you? i was never, i mean...
3:46 you're acting like i'm defending myself. people these days think lego is cool. if anything, i would be like, that would have been me. i would have been doing creative stuff with lego if i was trying to misrepresent myself. i was literally just playing all star baseball 2003 instead. much worse, much, much worse. huge place. spelunky is not really like a sprawling and difficult game. it's just you need to learn a pattern.
4:20 and what to do in that pattern. and then you just repeat it every time you see that pattern. like that situation we saw right there, we were holding something, we knew how to trigger the arrow trap, we made it through. you learn via experience, bro. thank you for the rotary saw tech. i have so many boxes to shred. that's huge. you know what? we're going to keep it simple for now.
4:45 i'm telling you, the rotary saw helps. you don't want to have a like shit's expensive, man. you don't want to have a garage, which you've essentially you're paying for or have paid for. and then just use your garage to store old amazon boxes that you don't want to break down. take a little bit of time, get the rotary saw, break down the boxes, vow to never let it happen again in the future that they pile up so high.
5:13 that is one of those things. i'm a firm disbeliever in the concept of it adds up, but i will say the boxes is one of the few chores that it adds up. taking, you know, two minutes to break a box as it arrives instead of like, you know, an hour to break 50 boxes. yes, technically you're spending less time per box. come on, man. but i'm telling you, it feels worse. what the fuck?
5:51 it feels worse to take an hour out of your day to break down 50 boxes than to take two minutes out of your day. two minutes? guys, this is why you're not gonna make it. you're quibbling over the nickels and the dimes and not worrying about the pennies and the pounds. it might be two minutes, it might be 45 seconds. that's immaterial to the spirit of the bit. nobody would collapse their boxes in the dorm. josephine, i'm learning a little bit about you. i'm learning a couple things. one is...
6:22 you weren't on the bike this morning, which was interesting to me because you've been on the bike on occasion. why you weren't on this morning i have to think about. but then also you're young enough that you went to university when online purchases were not only a thing but normalized so much that even essentially children were buying things online. my entire university history, maybe i had a roommate that bought one book on amazon once when we were in like the third year.
6:55 so this is, i'm trying to figure out, that doesn't necessarily mean you're like, you know, 21 years old, but it does put a certain cap on you for sure. like i can't imagine what the college experience is like if you're going to college and like there's a doordash driver showing up to deliver thai food to somebody in the dorms. i would be freaking out man.
7:14 the quintessential doordash experience, or not doordash, but dorm experience for delivery food is you go around knocking on everybody's door and seeing if anyone wants to get in on the chinese food order because the flat delivery fee is $2.50. so the more people that you can get in on $2.50, the less the per person cost for the delivery is.
7:36 and then you'd have people going through like their loose change and stuff trying to see if they could scrounge up like six bucks to get the chicken balls steamed white rice combo. cuz you're not getting anything with fried rice with spare change even back then. even back then, but you might be able to get four chicken balls in sweet and sour sauce with steamed rice. holy cow, hold, okay, w recovery, i'll say it, w recovery on this one and now.
8:19 steamed rice and gyoza, that's my go to. your go to asian food order is rice and dumplings. and you're talking to mr. carbohydrate here. i didn't think dogs get hurt by bombs, my bad y'all. at least we got some gold dust out of it. why not? i mean, it's kind of like you didn't get an entree. you got a side and you got a starter. just like it's,
9:01 i really thought the skull would tank it for us. it's not that big of a deal, but you'd... just a little surprising, i suppose. w recovery. one of his residents cut his phallus off when he was tripping on shrooms and i had to deal with it. is that true? he cut his penis off? that's traumatic, man. he cut his penis off on mushrooms? the things that the coolest people of all time are telling me to do because it'll make me feel empathy for other people in the world? nah, man. i don't buy it.
9:50 on ketamine maybe on shrooms get back in your booger box librarian just finn is like they're experiencing character growth i can't stress enough they're on the peloton rides you learn something about a person when they're on a peloton ride and you learn a lot more the more rides they go on you learn what kind of a person what they're made of you learn a little bit about their metal
10:27 it's not so much related to their tolerance for exercise, but sometimes they'll say something like, yeah, i just don't listen to my own music. i just tank the peloton radio. and then you have to be like, really? haven't you heard that one ksi song like 40 times? i have a diamond pick mining all i know. worth. sorry. he's done, man. no dog run. no dog go. you guys love the arcade fire, man. there's a place
11:20 where no dogs go. no barking from the dog. yes, dude. no smog. that'd be a pretty good day for me right now. i don't know if you call smoke smog, but i guess it's the real problem is breathing it in so i'm not gonna get too into the weeds on it. you're cooked, lad. you already got shot by that. oh, is corey staying over? maybe we should sue washington for the smoke.
12:15 listen, when they go low, we go high, okay? so i'm thinking, because we got to maintain some dignity, we got to be the bigger people in this conversation. i'm thinking we'll be more mature than they were and we'll say, you know what, maybe 40% tariffs instead of 50. just because i don't want to lose my humanity over this or anything, so i want to make sure we're responding with like a lesser course of action.
12:53 my wife is getting induced tomorrow. any tips for being a new dad in the big two six? oh, he's gonna get mad. let me think about that one. i have to think about that. please, please burn that man. oh, we've broken the... oh crap. oh crap. wait a second. i got to think about that. i don't have any tips for the newborn face to be honest. like i really feel
13:27 like the most actionable tips for the newborn phase are literally just like, the first poop might be like black or red, but like try not to sweat it too much. and also, i guess the one thing, and this is the thing that you probably like won't listen to. and i understand, cause i feel like i probably, i mean people told me this, but i didn't really listen. you have to sleep when the baby sleeps.
14:01 what we did for like two days right after the birth, and we had the same kind of procedure that it sounds like you're gonna go through. like my wife would sleep and i would stay up and kind of like keep an eye on our baby. very nearly died twice there, i suppose. and then i would sleep and she would kind of keep an eye on the baby. and in like a day and a half of that, you sort of go insane. and then mother nature sort of prevails.
14:32 this could be big for me. and forces you to go to sleep and you go, my god. and then it turns out you'd like the baby still in the crib cuz they can't go anywhere. and then you go, okay, now i understand. i can actually take my eyes off of this being for a little bit without the worst possible thing that could happen happening. otherwise, you're gonna suffer some seriously unnecessary degrees of stress.
15:02 guys, can you get to the black market on the volcano level or have i screwed myself? no? not in the volcano? what should i be focusing on then from this moment onwards? you can get to vlad. how would one do this? use the drill. okay, how does one use the drill? using specific verbs. because use, i know, yong, that's a big one, that's an important one.
15:41 taboo yong jelly, the flaming lips. i'm very familiar. it has a button. would you, do we have any information about perhaps the position of this button? the location of this button? the pedestal right next to it. all right, say no more. we get there. the pedestal next to it. top of the screen next to, oh, right, right. oh, this is a button. okay, all right. send it straight down. maybe we'll send it down to the side a little bit.
16:22 you said verbs only. no, i didn't. i said using our verbs. using our verbs. did not say verbs only. it'll slow down. we can wait. we can wait on it. another time a resident came to me because they were having a heart attack. they thought they were having a heart attack. it turns out they took edibles for the first time and they took a god dose. kids never should have stopped drinking, man. i'm not saying our ras didn't have to deal with problems, but they didn't have to deal with any
17:11 induced psychosis like that, i think. mostly just calling biohazard to clean up a bunch of vomit or urine or something like that. 30 seconds to get clover, by the way. can we figure out how that has an impact on us? we should be going in through the red door, i'm assuming. no, clover extends time. and how does this relate to vladimir's castle? no, we go in there to get the clove, i see. and then we go through here.
17:50 okay, fair enough. or is this not vlad's door? no, that's not vlad's door. i'm taking some responsibility for that one, but can i just say i feel like you really could have been a little bit more efficient with the explanation. and i did specifically ask for it. just pause the game? nah, it's not gonna happen. i mean everybody makes mistakes, but
18:19 i'm just i'm a little i mean i think we should all take a little bit of responsibility i guess is what i'm trying to say i'll take the degree of responsibility i have the controller there's no doubt about that i'm not taking 100% for that though that's just not the sort of thing that's gonna happen people would just type you need to get the clover okay i don't even know where that dead to me clover is a point of sale machine that occasionally stops working with galaxy pay
18:48 so if anybody here works for clover by the way, i'd love to hear, i'd love to hear your explanation for why galaxy pay stopped working with your point of sale machines for a couple of, a month and a half earlier this year? i'd love to know bro. we've got to know. just get a credit card? what do you think i put into my galaxy pay bro? a credit card. check this out. we out this joint.
19:35 let's use google pay on your galaxy. you guys feeling good about the state of the world? you really think at this point in 2026 you think the answer is a new app? the hell is this? too bad i got here first. that's why, that is why we're out here using cash. you ain't kidding. can you just give me the thing that i want? worth? worth. now we just gotta put this one back in here.
20:19 mcdonald's app kind of essential? unfortunately true. i say unfortunately because i'm not delusional. i know the app is just giving you, not the cipher post, the app is just giving me the prices that the stuff is supposed to be to begin with. when i get a mcdouble for $3.75, i know that this is the price of what it should cost to begin with. i know the app is telling me that i'm earning loyalty points, but the loyalty points are necessarily priced into the
21:00 well, to the price of the good. but when i get that sandwich, ignorance is bliss. don't put me in a bubble. when the papa bucks hit the wallet. i've been giving papa john's too much credit man, common story.
21:35 you know what sucks? it's nice when the papa doe hits the wallet. you know what's not nice? when they're like, hey, some papa doe left the wallet because you didn't use it fast enough. the hell do you mean my money expired, man? it's numbers in a database.
22:05 that's how they get you. when you crunch the numbers and you realize you're essentially getting like 1% off. that's how i feel. i don't know if this bit is too localized to british columbia, but basically when you break it down the brass tax, almost every rewards program in canada is just 1%.
22:27 of what you spend comes back to you either in terms of cash or reward points and they might gussy it up they might instead of doing like hey for every dollar you get a point they might do like hey for every dollar you get 10 points but then everything costs
22:41 10 times as many points. so at saveonfoods, you get a dollar for every point. you get a point for every dollar that you spend at the store. and then the way that you redeem the points is it'll say like, hey, frozen fruit is $8.99 or $6.99 if you redeem 1,450 points. and then you're looking at it and you're like, i think they've actually cornered the market.
23:10 because now you never want to use the points because you're like it's not worth $1500 to save $2. so instead you just never use any points at all.
23:22 and you just, they always go, you want to use your points to save money on the bread? and then you go, how much is it? and they go, well, it's 3000 points to save four bucks. and then everyone goes, no, that's ridiculous. i would know. and then they die with like half a million dollars in save on points in their account. daryl, you are a motherfucker, man. i'm wise to your fucking game, but i don't know how to beat you at it. i don't know how to beat you at it.
23:57 at least sometimes at mcdonald's you're like, well, okay. it's probably 1% cash back, but at least the 1% manifests as like a tasty chicken sandwich from time to time. it always feels better to get something for free than it does to just pay a little bit less money, even if functionally speaking it's the same. like engineers will be like, it's the same thing. and real thinkers like you and me, they know it's not the same thing. one of them feels better. things feeling better, it feels better.
24:28 the end. how do you feel about that? plenty of time, man, plenty of time. i don't even remember what i'm doing down here, but the ground is wet, man. careful, friend. that's a one way. chad, what happens when i go through this door? do not, okay. do not go in there. okay, you keep talking in wayne's world references, and i trust you. but he has the jet pack.
25:07 somebody posts the image of the, isn't it like a hobgoblin or something that's holding a beer and is going like, what's the matter, vague boy? afraid you might accidentally provide context? me when i try to go, me when i'm like, why shouldn't i go through the door? and people are like, buddy has a jet pack. what's the matter, vague boy? worried you might accidentally provide some context? put that one, put that one in there.
25:40 afraid you might say something? exactly, man. it's from hobgoblin beer. i know the pumpkin beers, right? everyone had one college roommate with really long hair who would always... twice a semester would get really into like hobgoblin beer, right? it's not just me? i'm not dead. you're dead. you're making me want a beer? not my fault. literally like human biology's fault. don't put that evil on me. it's not my fault.
26:20 shawn. okay, these are important moments, man. that was really close to being really bad. so you, sir, you must be whipped because i need your blood. you should be sacrificed because i'm not farting around with you. and then you, you can be whipped one more time.
26:51 and you're doing it for something. killing me will bring back your gosh darn honey. that's right, mm hmm, the wicker man. you rush me? oh, you spit ink at me, bro. you know what? i'm sick of yous. you never be too careful in this line of work.
27:26 i think i'm at risk of be i thought those were spikes. i think i'm at risk of becoming a wine guy. i'm going to give you my two cents. the guiding principle i think i would start with is live your life if you think that it would enrich your life to become a wine guy. totally fine, but don't overdo it. but the secondary aspect that i would add there
27:52 is at least become one of those wine guys who's not just like, i'm a wine guy because it's more socially acceptable to drink wine in your 30s and 40s than it is to drink an equivalent amount of beer or hard alcohol. beer, beer, beer! waiting for the damn dust to settle. is this the farthest he's been? what the fuck? you know who you're talking to, right? you know who the fuck you're discussing things with? you know whose chat you're in?
28:33 you know who's irc app turned into unicorn billion dollar net worth startup channel you're on right now? it's northernlion, y'all. i've been to the cosmic ocean. i put the eggplant on the pedestal in spelunky 1 when you were still learning to spell your name. fuck it, we ball. literally worked out better than you could have asked for. i don't think i need to be here. am i right to say i don't need to be here? anyone ever play this game?
29:24 true, true, true. you don't need to but it's worth it. killing the...wait, wait, wait. killing the yeti. killing the yeti gets you spike's shoes. but the thing is i really want spike's shoes so i can jump on the yeti's head. so i think i'm gonna say unnecessary for the twine being. then how do i leave the floor? it can't be left bro. you have to go down?
29:56 well, in that case, if the, because i recognize i have the jet pack, but i'm scared i would run out of fuel regardless just due to misuse. so i'm thinking the right play is to say we don't care that much about the dog and just throw some projectiles in here to damage this yeti then move down to the next floor. whoa, there's a damn clover man. that's big. now that is a big moment for me. how are you alive? fuck it. go for it bro. do something.
30:59 can you whip the yeti or something? do something, man! how are you alive? huge. what the hell? i'm out of here. he was pissed, man. he was pressed. okay, whatever. i've been woken up to worse shit in the middle of the night. by the way, no amber alerts last night, which was a nice respite. but same car alarm, same car alarm that went off a night before, went off at the same time last night.
32:25 but just i still got a good sleep. don't get me wrong. i'm not complaining too much. but it got me thinking about like like sherlock holmes style. it got me thinking about what could possibly be the reasoning why one person's car alarm would go off at the same time. life comes at you fast.
32:46 i looked at the two balls and i said, well, anywhere i stand, i'm in trouble. what would be the reason that the car alarm would go off at the same time two nights in a row? and there were a couple of things that i thought of. here's one guy who lives in his car using his car alarm as an alarm clock, has to wake up at three forty five to get to work. so he just said, fuck it. i can't afford an alarm clock. i'll just use my car alarm.
33:17 doesn't really make a lot of sense. another one is a thief that tries to rob the same car every day at the same time. i think you're right that probably the... you know what? we should try to beat the game in eight minutes. oh, wait, that's huge! badly set up sprinkler system that's triggering someone's car alarm in the morning. wait!
33:49 see, you are an actual thinker. that seems very plausible to me. of course, i have no means of knowing if that's actually it, but that seems very plausible. the other thing i was thinking is like maybe person who gets confused and sleeps with their car keys next to their alarm clock. so when their alarm goes off, they just start hitting every button on their car keys and accidentally set off their car alarm.
34:20 earthquake every day at the same time? interesting. that's another possibility. i can't deny that it's another possibility. that's big for me. oh, come on. you're trolling. anyway, it seems like they've figured it out because the first night that it happened, it took them like maybe five minutes to shut off the alarm. and then last night when it happened,
34:59 although i guess at this point in my life, i'm the type of guy that should be calling 3.45 the morning. they got to it in like three beeps or something like that. so they're obviously they're aware of what's happening as well. that's a good thing for me right there. 3.45 is bedtime. yeah, if you're like not cool. your idea of like being cool is like i guess like staying up late playing guild run, which it could be worse. let's be honest could be a lot worse.
35:44 or if you're a streamer, that's true. sleeping all day kind of lame. i mean, going to bed late is kind of okay if you're stupid and you forget that it also means you're going to wake up late. if your prefrontal cortex is not fully developed yet and you haven't yet figured out the relationship between going to bed late and when you wake up, that was big.
36:13 then it's actually good because you're like bro it's literally free real estate it's more time alive going to bed late equals less time asleep equals more time alive the end all right i'm moving on but waking up past and i'm being a little generous here if i may waking up past 10 am feels bad unless you have a good reason for it like you're not a nurse but maybe like a like a video game streamer or something like that they hold
36:53 like if you were having a heater stream and you stayed up until five in the morning, obviously, of course, you can't just stop an awesome, like if you had a treasure train or whatever going on, no, you can't stop that in the middle. otherwise, you should be able to get to bed a little earlier than that, i think. i'm in.
37:32 i like how your only point of reference for this is streaming and i like how you have a good sense of humor. we both like something very valid about the other person and i like that we were sharing it as well. i've been turned into a ghost and killed. i've been turned into a ghost and killed by a boomerang. we'll be back to play more spelunky 2. wait, no, we got one more try. but the remaining spelunky 2 will have to happen on a different day because after this we're doing some new friend slop with caden squeaks.
38:11 in front of that man. we're trying to beat a challenge we've never beaten. eight minutes to beat the game. for a guy who doesn't even remember what beating the game means. you know what, it's worth it. it's worth the time. he's been trucking? i've noticed that about him. i've noticed that he's been trucking.
38:46 ask squeaks about dan's voicemails. no, i'm not gonna clip farm my friend squeaks. maybe i'll ask him like, hey you've only got an extra two bucks in your pocket. are you getting tortilla chips with your chipotle order or are you getting guac? because it's so, i mean you can learn a lot about someone from a question like that. chips easily.
39:10 but the chips, i guess you could just dip them in whatever salsa came in the burrito bowl. yeah, maybe chips are there. maybe i don't need to answer. maybe i don't need to ask him that question, i should say. maybe you've answered it for me. i don't even like guac, easy answer. what time do you go to bed, by the way? i'm just, i'm, i have a pet theory. i'm just curious.
39:40 my hypothesis, and i'm not gonna call it a null hypothesis, my hypothesis is that people who don't enjoy guacamole go to bed on average much later than those that do. all other things being equal. watch this. watch this. literally the game is easy. if you want to play fast, just let gravity do the work for you. guac needs salt or it's not very good? oh really? you think food needs salt to taste good? not me.
40:30 personally, i could take it or leave it. we're breaking new ground on twitch.tv today. we're answering the kinds of questions that nobody wanted to ask. the things you were too afraid to admit you didn't know you knew. what's your take on msg? it's really good, but i do believe that 10% of the people who think they're allergic to it are actually allergic.
41:12 which is controversial for two reasons. one is a bunch of people are gonna say it's me, i'm the one who's actually allergic to it. and then a bunch of people are gonna say nobody's allergic to it. i don't know man, people be saying stuff so definitively. sometimes i'll be like, it depends. check this out. already on olmec? yep. yeah, i had a feeling that was gonna happen, but i'm still chill. just don't get hit by these bombs. one health, literally more than you need. i can't afford to do that. we're on an eight minute speed run, bro.
42:15 don't be silly. this is not mr. vampire. get the jiaoshu out of here. doggy, you weren't as easy to find as i needed you to be. you're done. if you win her dice... if you win her dice game, you get all sorts of goodies in neo babylon. see, can i say, can we applaud this chatter? great message. density of information, very high. put all the information into one message. that's a really, really good backseating message. i got nothing but respect for that one.
43:02 now, it does leave me with some follow up questions because i sort of forget what neo babylon is. but broadly speaking, i'm very pleased. i'm very pleased with that message. the purple laser place. oh, see, and then a little supplemental information. it's the spa, man. go ahead. that did not hit, bro. that oil did not hit. sorry to say.
43:43 doggy? woo! it's so crazy this is the best run. sometimes you literally just have to just let instinct do the work, man. our ancestors are doing way more complicated shit than this probably every damn day and they didn't need wikihow, probably. basically what i'm saying is information is poison.
44:21 anything that you don't know to do instinctively is not worth doing. write that down. that's where we want to go. you just gotta be a little cautious, clay. we're in. oh shit, i forgot about this bullshit. we can do this. just gotta wait a second. fuck it. ah! it's over. that guy ducked off a curb and i gotta die? okay buddy, okay, okay. you fell and it's my problem. whatever you say, asshole.
45:22 oh, what the fuck?