I'm entering my ＂be nice to the shopkeeper era＂ (Spelunky 2)

Name: I'm entering my ＂be nice to the shopkeeper era＂ (Spelunky 2)
Uploaded: 2026-07-26
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "I'm entering my ＂be nice to the shopkeeper era＂ (Spelunky 2)" (Spelunky 2) — 62 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-07-26Spelunky 2

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62 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 nevertheless, he persisted. and that was a really good attempt. so we... so this one's gotta be just you run it down mid. you guys got any songs on your workout playlist that you... when your friend just wants to talk about a song but they don't wanna shoehorn themselves into the conversation so they come up with a fucking insane question that allows them to say what they wanted to say in the first place? you guys got any songs on your workout playlist that you discovered because of guitar hero or rock band?
0:36 i still got i get by by honest bob and the factory to dealer incentives on there. great song when you need to spin the legs a little faster. ruby by the kaiser chiefs. i got some kaiser chiefs but it's not a ruby. i was always that guy. and by the way, this guy is always right. who's like, oh, oh you really like the single from their second album, huh? no, no, it's okay. it's just like, i mean i guess i prefer the single from the first album. no, it's fine.
1:18 like, ruby's good. i don't think it's quite as good as like, i predict the riot or everyday i love you less and less, but it's like, i mean, as far as pop songs go, it's perfectly serviceable. we need the damn key. my mom loved the kaiser chiefs. one thing i have to remember is that you're watching me, but you are probably not my peer. it's, i don't know if i'd say it's more likely, but it's like equally likely that your mom is
2:04 probably not my age, but she could be 45 and i'm 37, so it's like not a huge difference. yeah, just a tiny bit older. that's way older. no bro, i'm chillin' with 45 year olds all the time. they're always offering me like a glass of wine and stuff and then i have to be like, i don't drink. and then they're like, when you invite him to your house for a dinner party, hoping that it gives you an excuse to have four glasses of wine and then he hits you with the sober stare.
2:55 it's like the end of that bit, i don't know. she was a day drinker. twice a week binger, yeah. it took me so, and he fucking hits that so. now that was a fucking throw, man. streamer don't kill the turkey.
3:37 the rain, the sun, and the rain will be like they are. oh, i really... what the hell? we're doing it. we're doing it. we're doing it. we're doing it. this is gonna be the one. this is the fucking one. you excited for the duskbloods? isn't that a song by five seconds of summer? isn't that the one where they say, if you want me, you need me? out of your life, i'm just a dead man walking. when does the new five seconds of summer come out, bro? i've been waiting...
4:22 i'm gonna say a couple years maybe, i don't know. how do you know that? i did some peloton classes in my day. one direction got a good song or two. if you like slappin' booty in a hotel room and if you like watchin' people play doom and baby i'm perfect that's not what they said. they said... i'm paraphrasing. let's start right now.
5:09 saved your life. saved your life, bro. motherfucker, dude! oh, so if you shoot a i don't think that's realistic, man. i don't think if you shot a bomb it would blow up. not once. maybe if you repeatedly shot it, it might blow up. i think if you shot a bomb with a gun, it would not blow up. depends on the bomb, depends on the gun.
5:48 all other things being equal, nah, i don't see it. i don't see it going down like that. this is like when we had that discussion this morning in the peloton discord about recumbent bikes. and i understand on a logical level that a recumbent bike has a better aero profile, but i just can't imagine someone on a recumbent bike beating someone in a bike race that's on an upright bike. because the only kinds of people that i've seen ride recumbent bikes outside
6:20 look like the dude on the us tv infomercials who's dressed like the riddler who tells you that like the government wants to give you free money. you know the guy i'm talking about? the white riddler? well, time to die. never mind. he looks fit. he actually, after i saw a picture of him when i made this joke earlier today, he actually does look like a cyclist. he looks like a like a master cyclist.
6:55 a master cyclist who would be losing races because it doesn't look like he's on testosterone replacement therapy prescribed by some doctor who looks like bill goldberg playing santa claus, which apparently is like the meta these days. but so this is going really well so far. who's the dude in the purple fit who's jacked? thanos? damn, bro took five machetes straight to the face. prince? i was trying to make a prince sound, but it actually sounded like he was scared.
7:38 prince at a haunted house. michael clarke duncan. don't make me do it again. woh she lay la, lao ban. i don't think it's lao ban, i think it's lao ban. i gotta go again. woh she lay la, lao ban. i gotta watch the green mile dub. the hell was that? oh, him getting pissed off? normalize not having to be angry all the time, men. normalize that.
8:37 oh, so i killed you and stole from your shop. and now you want to kill me? cycle of violence and toxic masculinity. the hell is this? another machete? that shit don't work on him, man. am i imagining a video? this is more of a librarian question than anything else, but...
9:06 am i imagining a video where there's a canadian guy and he's being tased, certainly being tased by the police outside of what i'm going to say is an m&m's frozen meat shop. and they tase him and he says, if i'm remembering correctly, i think he might say, that shit don't work on me, man. and he's right. like he just kind of keeps, he keeps coming. that's real. i think it's real.
9:49 i think that's a real video. i gotta go to an m&m's meat shop, man. my parents were so excited when one opened up in napanee. we were having hella like rib meat sandwiches and stuff. best time of my life, man. so i don't need to have a mcrib. i probably had 1500 rib meat sandwiches with barbecue sauce from m&m meat shops as a child. this way please. huge. and honestly, my hands are clean. as far as i know, he might have always been a cooked turkey.
10:44 what the hell is this? why are you saying hella now? i think it's just a good word. also, i've been listening to a lot of joni mitchell, so you know i'm fucking with california. california. yo, that asshole, you think she's really gonna kiss a sunset pig? no, man, not joni. all right. spiked your cortisol, bro. i knew you were gonna fucking shoot first. that's why i was exercising patience, dumbass. that's big.
11:49 i'd even kiss a zombie pig. what biome would you use for minecraft, joni mitchell? you'd have to come up with a good biome for the song. wait, there's such a good... okay, don't say soul sand valley, because that's literally the death cap cutie just pops into your head fully formed. i'd like to be...
12:19 now it's octopus' garden, but... in soul sand valley... i can't even know. i haven't listened to that album in a long time, but... parking lot is good. oh, i've been eaten by a fucking bear trap, bro. mobs are like tattoos. wait, wait. this could... there could be something here. i admire your determination. i'm just playing video games, honestly. ain't that big of a deal. he is genuinely good, though. me?
13:12 you're talking about when you say he, you're talking about me when you say that, right? yeah? yay! yay! oh! still good. no, that one just doesn't feel right to me. just doesn't feel right to me. ain't nothing but a penis. my toxic trait every time i hear ride the lightning by... i was gonna say eminem. that'd be something. it's an awful jolt from the lightning bolt. every time i hear ride the lightning by metallica,
13:59 in my head, he's going, my pingas dripped wait wait i fucked up my own joke. my pingas drips with fear! what am i doing here? dun dun dun dun! cause he kinda says fingers... almost he says it a little australian. villager villager put away the tnt. i don't care about mobs at my spawn point. leave me... leave me...
14:38 i think it ends with the creeps because of the creepers. i don't care about mobs at my spawn point. leave me the bugs and the creeps. good work, man. good work. there could be something there. keenan, you a big joanie head? you like good music so anything's possible. why is it dark now? because i smell wet fur, bro. try to keep up. check this out. first off, we're going to use it like ac newman. and then,
15:31 and then you gotta do it like this, i'm so sorry. oh no. librarian found the guy getting tased? okay, well listen. all i really wanna know is does he say that shit don't work on me, man? can i get a confirmation of that? it's like, i'm not really sure i wanna watch a dude get like, you know, electrically shocked by the police live on stream. but does he say that shit don't work on me, man? which is definitely beast mode. he starts yelling.
16:19 he tanks it, you can't re okay, the video is called crazy guy tries to attack police with hat shit but can we normalize not calling him into question for potential mental illness or distress? oh, or you're gonna kill me for that. okay, sure. he looks like you? yeah, man. i mean, there's a lot of like 172 pound bald guys out there. it's kind of like, in many circles, it's sort of like the modal individual. just one difference.
16:58 i'm not wearing hockey pads. i thought you were 192? what the fuck? you fucking come to my chat and say you think i'm about 192 pounds? what is this, 2020? 2020, i was like 205, i think. mogs. oh shit, there's a fucking another one of yours. what'd you weigh last time you played spelunky 2? probably close to my peak. i was getting through like an accidental bulk cycle. nice try, dumbass.
17:47 get your ass over there. cannery row wheel of fortune clip still goes. i haven't thought about that one in a while. i mean, anytime you, if you don't try to solve the wheel of fortune puzzle immediately, you're kind of a coward, i'll say it. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not again. he's not here. well, they got chick corea in this game? yeah, well, listen, i'm buddy rich when i fly off the handle, okay? heard you threw kate's mic, what happened? almost died in school on q2 for the first time.
18:50 can you explain the plot of spelunky 2? yeah, easily. you know, some people always say i look like me dad. oh, be serious! uh oh! i said hey boy, sitting in the tree.
19:15 mummy always said you wanna come for tea, don't be shy straighten up your tie, get down from the treehouse sitting in the sky i always know just what to do, is it big up there, is there room for two? i've got a house with the windows and doors, i'll show you mine, you show me yours gotta let you in, hey, hey, hey and let the fun begin
19:40 i'm the wolf today. hey, hey, hey, i'll huff, i'll puff, i'll puff, i'll puff, i'll blow you away. you know what i'm talking about? that song made it across the pond. i was in maybe the fourth or the fifth grade when c'est la vie by b witched came out. and i asked my mom to get it for me at the cd store.
20:06 and she was legitimately embarrassed. like when she bought it, i forget what exactly she said, but it was something along the lines of like, don't ever ask me to do this for you again. and that was the first time in my entire life, it even entered my mind that something like bewitched could be considered embarrassing music. for me in the fourth or the fifth grade, i was like, this is real grownup music that adults would like to listen to.
20:36 this is serious music from a serious artist. it's not a joke band. nice try, kid. ooh. el mom? i mean, in her defense, the cd was probably like fucking $31 or something back then. and i was only buying it for one song. that obviously is awesome. one of the best songs ever made. but still, it's just one song. we didn't have itunes, bro. you had to buy the whole album.
21:16 not like today where you just buy one song on itunes. bro, you got an infestation in your fucking playroom. i ain't playing laser tag if there's a damn bat on the field. it's not regulation. they don't give a fuck about the bow. let's be honest, i'm not that guy. not yet anyway. let's keep it simple. get some petite victories first. mark zuckerberg. everyone hates mark so much, man.
22:16 you know what's crazy is that even after all these years, there will still be times where i'll sit at my computer and my muscle memory will be like, you should go to facebook. and i think i probably deleted my personal facebook account like a decade ago. maybe twice a year, my brain goes, put facebook in the url bar. and then i have to go, no, obviously not. it's the siren song of the millennial.
22:55 whoa. didn't see his there. boomer muscle memory? well, i think it's not boomer muscle memory because they're still going to facebook, right? they're still saying shit like, well, i can't get rid of facebook. guess where i get my news? you're about to turn me into john motherfucking wick, bro. rain fire! damn, he's going. got no guns in his hand and he won't go. commerce on his brain and he won't go.
23:48 i don't know why i would do that. we, oh you know what? you earned it bro. yeah, obviously you can't pick that up. like let's not be stupid. you were okay until you went back for the gun. i decided i don't really want to be here anymore. you both reached for the gun? richard gere reference? my stream? more likely than you think. sit yourself down. chicago's goated? you learn a lot about yourself as you get older. i guess you just, as you age you continue to change which masquerades is like learning
24:42 stuff about yourself as if you're uncovering like hidden truths that were always there. one of the things i've definitely come to accept is i actually like love musicals and i apologize if you've heard the story many times at this point but i've always been one of those guys that's like i hate musicals why don't they just talk instead of singing and then every musical i watched i go well this this musical is really good this isn't like those other musicals that that
25:09 are just chock full of songs all the time. yeah, it's got a lot of songs, but these ones are all bangers. and then i realized like every single musical i watch, except for some reason for this steven spielberg west side story. whoa! i go, well, this is the best movie i've ever seen. oops. okay. okay, he literally tech'd me. that's an incredible play on his part.
25:46 don't you hate rent? well rent just sucks so i don't think that's like a valid question to be honest. i think it's illegal for you to ask me that. chicago and les miserables suck? bro, i have only seen les mis in my hometown because in the ninth grade
26:15 someone in our music class won the role of cosette. so i don't think it would be fair for me to review les miserables based on the grand theatre's production of it in like 2003 or whatever. but chicago is awesome. chicago's, they both preach for the... he had it coming. he had it coming. he only had him so i missed the cellophane. i missed the cellophane. i'm starting to think... i'm starting to think you're baiting.
26:47 well, we're never getting you up there alive. yeah, i'm gonna need that back. where's this black? whoa, the black market please is right there. get this fella out of here. we should do a chicago watch along man. who's the detective in chicago? i forgot. gonna watch chicago tonight? you should. pavement's playing there apparently. it's calm, fjor. oh shit.
27:49 yeah, right there i suppose. in middle school, our school play was chicago. hindsight is kind of fucked up looking back. i don't think it's fucked up that you perform chicago. like i'm pretty sure when you're in the sixth grade, you know like, you know, murder exists, unfortunately. looks like i gotta lock in. come on, that's wild. i mean, we were watching armageddon and shit, bro. what's worse, murder or like an asteroid destroying all life on earth?
28:35 not to be that one friend who's too woke, but i'm gonna say murder. whoa! i'm alive. i'm dead. we're getting we're really improving our skills though. is our best run still our first run? i don't think it's that fucked up, man. but honestly, i mean, not to annoy absolutely everybody. i think there's some r rated movies and properties that it's okay to like be aware of when you're 12.
29:28 because you don't want your kid to get traumatized, but at the same time you don't want to turn them into one of those people who's like, yeah, i'm 40 years old and my favorite movie is like homeward bound, right? like you kind of got to... it's a delicate job as a parent because you're trying to raise a kid who feels safe, but also who isn't like a total dork. you know, like a kid who isn't a total loser, who gets made fun of every time they say what kind of media they like.
30:01 you know the type of shit i'm talking about? now i might be biased. i think my parents did a pretty good job. i got traumatized maybe three times. well, maybe like, maybe 10 times. i'm trying to think of the movies that scared me the most as a kid, but there's definitely a theme. my mom tried to show me beetlejuice when i was a little bit too young and that traumatized me a little bit. i mean, there's some freaky ass imagery in beetlejuice. reed's a little bit goofier as an adult, but as a little kid, you're like, that dude's head is like really, really small.
30:36 um, that's not normal. i'm trying to think about what else. every alien movie, and i don't mean like the ridley scott ones, i just mean any movie with an alien in it. but i don't blame my parents for that, because i was also like, damn, new movie with aliens in it came out, can i see it? and then i watch it and be like, i'm so scared that aliens are gonna invade the earth. i think it's a rite of passage, man. my mom brought me to the theater to see lord of the rings. i cried every single time from age five to age nine.
31:28 listen, i'm not saying you have a bad mom. your mom made a mistake. you should not take a five year old to see the fellowship of the ring. that's because i say that because i have a five year old. five is too young to be watching fellowship. fuck it, nine is prob well, maybe nine's okay. i'm like, i was 13 and i was fine and i'm like, bro, nine is way too young to be watching these movies. they're a little scary? yeah, but like, i mean, that's good, man. it makes you feel something.
32:11 like they're supposed to be scary bro. that's why frodo is... it drives home the gravitas of the situation. that's why frodo's scared man, it's because they're going like, baggins. some shit like that, right? gollum's terrifying. he's literally nice, he's just ugly. which is why the theme of the movies is don't judge a book by his cover, because that ugly little freak is the hero at the end of the day. he saves the day.
32:55 when was the last time you saw lord of the rings? when did the last one come out? 2003, i think. in 2003 maybe. whatever. free money. okay, scammed. oh! why? why? why? just because i took this dice, it's illegal to handle a dice outside of the bounds of the casino? be more constructive with your feedback. why? that's a huge dub right there.
33:36 the ev on that trade is crazy. even if we lose, i mean, you don't get ev like that every single day. look at that. so bad at gambling, you get shot. literally the plot of like eight bob dylan songs. black diamond bay, rosemary, lily and the jack of hearts. are you here yeti? what am i asking that question? it's summer vacation, of course. out on the white veranda, she wears a necktie and a pan in my hand. wait, isn't yeti, yeti, when are you seeing bob dylan?
34:20 cuz if you see him say hello, he might be in tangier. he's playing their next early spring with willie nelson i hear. classic rope situation. yeti kinda the first ouija board chatter. wait, that's true, man. another thing i was scared of as a kid, ouija boards.
35:17 look, i don't think it's that crazy. i don't think it's that crazy to do a middle school production of chicago. in fact, if anything, i think it's kind of awesome, because seeing little kids in suits with like fake cigars and shit was probably fucking awesome. you probably had so much aura wearing that old ass like al capone type fit, talking about how you killed your husband and shit, but really you're like 11 years old. that's cool, man. it is a little rushmore coated.
35:53 you know what would really make chicago a little bit better though? is a, live action remake dwayne the rock johnson as mr. cellophane. but b, they gotta put that song in it that goes, little miss, little miss, little miss can't be wrong. what you gonna do about that song? about singing the dabain song. little miss, little miss, little miss can't be wrong. when they got to the second goal, goes in with a gun of gong, a gun of gong. that would fucking, cause it even drives home
36:22 the themes of it. because she did do something well. well yeah, i think she did. she shouldn't have killed him, i think. in japan, there's an ethical concern with murder. they don't condone the harming of other people. check this out. wahoo! what about earl? well, earl had to die. earl had to die. we know that. sorry, i need you for a second. whoop! you know what? give me some of that.
37:22 three stooges ass. i saw the spin doctors live in 2009 in a 10,000 person town. you know what's funny though? is that like, i get what you're doing. oh, that was my bad. you're kind of saying like, look at how far the spin doctors have fallen. they're playing in a 10,000 person town. but you're also kind of saying that you fucked up if you're a musician who plays the shitty ass place where i live, which i think is really funny.
38:07 you're being like, yeah, they're so washed, i even saw them. and i didn't even have to drive to like billings. you know what? money maker mike. we're making big moves. bro, fucking roll. i'm committed to the animation. you ever see that three stooges movie with larry david? no, i've never seen the three stooges with sean hayes, will sasso, and uh, who's the other, the other stooge? that movie with the three podcasters? yeah, i don't uh, i don't believe i've seen that.
39:06 larry david being in that makes sense, because he's very kind of like, you know, he has a reverence for old hollywood. also, i mean, if i may, larry david, he's been in a lot of bullshit. seinfeld's good, curb is great, but like, you're really rolling the dice if you go see anything else, because you're like, larry david is involved in this. i saw whatever works. i mean, i guess it can't be that bad, because i still remember that he washed his hands for the length of two times of singing happy birthday. huge.
39:54 we haven't even angered the shopkeeper bro. we're gonna be rich. this was like some shit you'd see in baby's day out except the lizard wouldn't be the baby because the baby has to live. royal jelly would go crazy right now. curb is a goated delta show. you're talking about the airline i'm assuming not the greek letter. i would plus two that because the worst thing about watching tv
40:35 on an airplane is that they're always gonna be like, hey, we've got that laura dern showtime show from 2012. we've got season two episodes six, seven, eight and nine. but with curb, it doesn't matter because you're like, well, it's just i can there's a little bit of like a story for sure that happens every season. but for the most part, we're just kind of you know, you can watch them out of order and get almost the same thing out of it. that's a good point.
41:06 my airplane show is poor landia when they have it, man. something about that fred armisen just tickles me. i'm using my sarcastic voice but not being sarcastic. so i can now picture you saying, you strike me as a fred armisen guy and then me going, you got me, you got me. plain landia, yep, that's what i, but then sometimes you're like, wait, this is the good sketch. i don't want the plain to landia yet. i just wanna fly.
41:56 yeah, nice try bro. man, sugar ray fucking sucks dude. great. great, so i almost died. whoa, whoa. so you hate him? sugar ray's not a dude man. sugar ray's a movement. it's a way of life. i think about that shit every morning someday. somewhere in the vicinity.
43:08 shut the door baby, don't say a word. huge. actually huge. i don't even have clo i don't even have close to enough money bro, i gotta kill them. unless... you can mine for gems. loading screen ass tooltip. just when i thought you couldn't be any stupider, you go and do something like this.
43:53 and totally redeem yourself, because that's actually really helpful. you almost died to the bat? wouldn't be the first guy, man. you ever see the dark knight? pretty sure he killed the joker? am i correct in my assumption that he murders the joker? because i thought there's a scene where gary oldman goes, if you do it, you're just as bad as he is.
44:36 don't let him do, don't let him make you the monster he wants you to be. then doesn't he just drop him off the top of a tall building or something? i'm dead, yep, i'm dead. fuck, i got one more in me. he just leaves him hanging upside down. so he kills him. fuck that, let's play slay the spire 2. we're gonna run spelunky 2 back tomorrow though. first i'm gonna go pee though. be right back.