Papers Please...Lethal Company...say less (Shift At Midnight)

Name: Papers Please...Lethal Company...say less (Shift At Midnight)
Uploaded: 2026-07-26
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "Papers Please...Lethal Company...say less (Shift At Midnight)" (Shift At Midnight) — 112 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-07-26Shift At Midnight

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0:00 you're just gonna scream. i think i gotta turn my fob down a little bit though. well, 120 might have been a little much. video, how do you do that? read the instructions on the notice board. shoplifters will be prosecuted? no way you can read that on my screen it's just blurry. really? yeah. yeah, it's blurry. it's blurry, how do you read that? what do you mean? it says shoplifters will be prosecuted.
0:33 no way you're lying, it's just blurry! my resolution is 1442. how are you reading that? same! i don't know what to tell you man, it's just... chat, am i crazy? it says what it says man, it says what it says. wait, apparently i just can't read it. oh no... actually, if you get further away, it's easier to read. if you stand where i'm standing, you should... that's like an illusion. yeah, yeah, yeah. i can make sense of will be, but definitely the first line makes no sense. no, it makes no sense. i see prosecuted now.
1:09 you guys are fucked up. i'm so freaking high. what does this say? which one? this one right here? red, red sign. yeah, no, no, that one. that one i can't read.
1:30 you're just making this one up. well, it's there's contextual clues guys use the trash bags to throw out the limbs in the storage room mop the blood and restock the incomplete shelf with boxes oh, should we assign like okay, which one of us is gonna be like our manager? uh, wait a person a person a person that tells everybody else what can you read? you're in the spiders web? oh, there are coins
2:00 oh, i'm stuck in a spider's web. what the hell? okay, i'll take the trash out. huge. well, i think we should definitely take turns becoming the clerk because we have to take turns of like seeing who is a doppelganger and who is not. oh, okay. yeah, i'm down. use the trash bags to throw out the limbs in the storage room. easy. maybe this? oh, i opened the thing. garage door? that seems fine. oh, this is... should i close the garage door?
2:35 is there a dumpster? there's a dumpster on the outside where we can dump the trash bags. i'm actually i take it back. i'm not doing trash. i'm restocking the shelves. okay, perfect. almost got my head chopped off by the garage door. no big deal. this game is scary. i have no clue. maybe we can buy upgrades or something. isn't this is so night shift coded like what the fuck were they doing during the day man?
3:04 she's supposed to be clean because i gotta i gotta prove the damn bread. so we got 500 foot long italian herbs and cheese for tomorrow. oh, don't worry. don't worry. i already mopped the blood. we got i'm just saying someone is not pulling their freaking weight and i'm not going to say who put the trash is it outside in the in the dumpster in the dumpster. okay, where's the i think i restock
3:41 i couldn't find the dumpster, that's why i shifted. the dumpster is on the outside. oh, it's in the back. it's in the back. yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. okay, guys. the back of the building. customer interrogation protocol. scan their id to open their profile on the computer. ask them questions about these details. always trust the computer database. if you spot any inconsistencies or lies, locate the gun underneath the counter and shoot. oh, shit. there it is.
4:10 it says complete the tutorial first. best part of the job right there. we're waiting for the manager to come and let us start doing the real work. am i right? okay. yeah, true. this is what it's like. this is what it's like to work? is that what you're talking about? yep, 100%. oh, go ahead. then, okay. then we're ready. let's do it. i'll hold a gun. let's say bag all items first.
4:41 g, whoa, we got a fella. they can make it or not make it man. we're just following him. so what are you buying? he's huge. i got first shift. he can hear us. okay. hear us. damn bro, like i don't get paid to talk. okay. our token to buy cola. we can spend token to buy the health kit. okay, wait, that's good. i don't know.
5:17 like people are gonna attack us in this game? not people but monsters, yes. the garbage is right here. some people are monsters. oh, okay. okay, clyde. shift is like spread. speedrunning it. does the garbage ever go away? we have so much garbage. it should, hopefully. wait, it's just infinite. what the hell is going on? yeah, i feel like it's infinite. i never noticed.
5:47 it's because these are we're throwing out the bags of garbage. guys, guys, i think you have to question you have to question clyde. this is clyde dawson. hi clyde. ask me anything. i can verify his head. i think you got to come to the computer and then click on his occupation. okay. and then he will tell you he's a sheriff, which is good.
6:17 because we're checking. yeah, we're making sure he's the jet. so we live in a police state right now. we have all their information. this is crazy. really, i don't know why he's not allowed to buy a couple of beers without lying, but it's what it is. this is kyc in the finance world. and anyone that's not asked him, make sure you ask him about it, cuz i can't give him his goods until everybody's completed the tutorial. i asked everything about the dude. did you click on his i'm gonna scan his id.
6:47 yeah, yeah, click on his, uh, oh wait, maybe this will work now. no, can you click on the computer and click his occupation? oh, look at that. okay, okay. you're free to go. oh, there we go. yes! wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
7:21 hey there, long night at the hospital. oh, it's a nurse, nl. okay, okay, okay. you're the heroes. don't charge her anything. occupation, nurse. nurse at county general, it's been a long night. often wears glasses. she's not wearing glasses. whoa! oh my god! what happened? she's not wearing glasses, so i thought she could be easily wearing glasses! you can take off glasses, i never realized.
7:51 i just wanted what the hell? okay, sorry, i'll put it away. she turned into meat, man. she turned into meat. she wasn't wearing glasses. i thought she could be a monster. i mean, we didn't get punished. so i think maybe you did the right thing, man. maybe you did the right thing, man. what the fuck? what's going on in there? we got some product. oh, we're getting more product. oh, cool. use the traps if the store comes under attack. oh, phone call. yeah.
8:26 wait, wait, wait. someone called saying their car is not working, but they sounded really scary down the road. maybe we should all go. so i'm gonna go alone if, i mean you guys come with me. i'm actually, i don't know, it sounds like a trap. yeah, yeah, here i'll come with you.
8:46 bringing one of these yeah good idea. oh, yeah, good. i'm always pointing it shoot first ask questions later my god's been jammed by vines holy shit, it's automatic. it's not just gonna move away. oh, it's gone. i can't take the god out. oh wait we're real pros. i think we handled that perfect
9:18 oh, there's a bear trap, oh, yeah, i'll restock the shelves i think i have done that already okay, i got him. i think it's oh my god. wait. why is there a bear trap bro? that's chris hadfield. that's that's canada's most famous astronaut. oh, yeah oh my god actually does look like him the mustache and everything. oh
9:46 here, let me help you scan it. wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, his id is just a piece of, it's like a post it note, man. you know what to do. well, let me look him up first. it says he's dead, man. do it. i asked him why he says he's dead. he said, i don't know. i mean, he's got he's a monster. he's a freaking monster. shit, shit, shit, get your i'll just do it. it's so obvious he's a monster. smart play, smart play. wait, do monsters die like that?
10:19 i don't know. i actually he might have been a human being. i know no no no no he was dead. yeah, he died i didn't get any he's certainly dead now. oh my god, julietta she seems nice oh wait, i need to kill her why i kill her oh
10:51 her occupation is plumber, but then she said her occupation is flight attendant. she took two! she took two! yeah, unrealistic job. you're not allowed to switch jobs, i guess. we didn't even question if our info was out of date, but it's all good. i'll get some trash bags for flesh. you know, at least changing job takes longer than taking off your glasses, you know what i mean? true. just guys.
11:18 she tried to run. she tried to run. it's really funny. okay, well we have quota. we have to make $30. well if we could get some real human beings buying some stuff i'd be happy to. i think i've just been monster after monster. i don't know about the glasses person. i think the glasses person could be easily human.
11:51 what's, oh that's a, whoa, okay. all right buddy. i mean. are you judging a person by their ears? i mean listen. just let me know when. i handle circuitry. wait, wait, software dev. okay, maybe, maybe. i think it's right. really? yeah. does it say he's like 6'4", 180 pounds, 2% body fat?
12:25 that's just his dating profile. i think. slide acne forward head posture. okay. seems right. okay. then he lives. on march 12th. we accept this transaction then? i think so. i think so. sure. there you go brother. wait, good word. yeah. perfect day. perfect day. there's a blood on the ground. clean out messes and head to the bus. oh yeah, there's blood on the ground here. not bad y'all. before we go though, i think we should go explore the vents.
13:01 can we go up? no, i'm good. check it out. maybe does anyone have a gun? i have a gun. all right, you go first then. i don't think we can go up. we cannot go up. maybe you can hide. hide. that will eject you if you stay inside too long. that one's got meat in it. that's where we hide. that's where we hide. of like bad guys like show up? yeah, the monsters. and then you put a bear trap on the outside of the vent. so if they try to go in,
13:33 they get hit by the bear trap. yeah, but then wouldn't it hit you first? not if they hit it first. wait, true. i say we take the risk. are we all stocked? i feel like here, i'll double check. i think we gotta go home. we're good. okay, cool. all right. can you bring god to your home? yeah, i am. just bring it back. make sure you bring it back tomorrow. shared personal funds.
14:10 well, okay, i think that one was my fault. i think i shot the first person a little pre it's okay. we got $16. we have to pay medicine copernicus needs his pills. poor bonnie.
14:34 no, it was the glasses. it was the reading glasses. no, she was a nurse. what are we? how are we supposed to know that? how are we supposed to know that?
14:46 dude, and we're just talking about respecting nurses and it was all rhetoric. and then you killed her over our protestations. no, no, as i recall, it was she's supposed to be wearing glasses. dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, look slowly at me. it was implied. it's a new night, check the notice board. coins all over.
15:13 okay guys, thanks to recent construction, the west bridge has been entirely closed off. so maybe someone's gonna be like, yeah, i took the west bridge. my god, there's a gamble. no shot. wait, where's the gamble? whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. let's fucking go. oh shit, what does that mean? pirate hat? pirate hat. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yay. i'll just give it a spin, why not? oh my god, we're a themed store. yeah. whoa.
15:46 my turn. banana peel. that's ultra rare, it's on the last row. new hat, new hat. let me see that. yeah, with your crazy eyes. bro, if you just move a little bit to the side, it's touching the green. blow on it. scammers. check the notice boards. i already did, i thought. crap, it's me. i didn't do it. okay.
16:28 the hell this doesn't belong there? oh, um, like come on, you okay, man? he's drunk. oh, he's drunk. we hate plant or he's high. i think he's like high on weed the weed looks like that? yeah, it's like have you like, you know, have you seen public venmo transactions like people put this like plant emoji i think it's the same type of thing
16:58 nice signature, man. alright, let's take a look at this guy. he's retired, generally dirty. how about a mustache? oh. uh, he... he does have a mustache. hmm. maybe we could ask him about his general movements. i mean, he's kinda... i mean, he's drunk. no law against being drunk.
17:24 i'm gonna accept the transaction. yeah, let him go. okay. okay. okay. it's kind of effed up that i cannot have gone because you guys are holding guns. i'm not holding here. oh, thank you. i've been holding my gun since we were able to. hello. i am jade. wait, why is she unhappy? dude, jade change. jade in the photo. she's white, but jade in person.
17:58 let me see this. let me see this. who wants to take this one? i'm going to deal with the products. my facial proportions are average. you needn't be suspicious. i merely underwent human puberty since that camera captured me. just wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. don't shoot her yet. let me get the trash bag. all right, go ahead.
18:30 oh, the generator. i saw the generator in the back. i think you both should deal with it. i gotta go out to the dumpster anyway. i might as well. yeah, it's right here. oh guys, i need everyone. oh, everyone to be here. okay. okay.
18:59 oh, okay. but what's gonna happen when we come back in? oh my god! oh what the hell is that? we're gonna kill this guy. you think so? yeah. protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me! protect me
19:25 i got him. i got him guys. i got him. one tap one tapped. i'll clean up the flesh. damn little short stack coming in, in the power suit and everything. you don't have a gun. i don't have a gun. i don't know what happened to my gun. i'm the only person with a gun.
20:02 yeah. okay, okay. the west bridge is closed. she's lying. the west bridge is slow. wait, hold on. maybe she walked over the bridge that's closed. there's an awful slow speed limits today. thanks to that construction. no, no, no. it's completely closed off. my god. and she's rude. she's rude to us. my god. wait, wait, what is this? watch it. where did that come from?
20:43 can someone take it off? my inventory is full. i got two mops in my inventory. is this guy okay? he's in really good shape. i see his abs through his shirt. that's not normal? i don't know. i'm falling in love with this guy actually. holy shit. does he have dirt under the fingernails? i mean, i'm not gonna... let me look. i mean, i don't know. his hands are dirty.
21:26 okay, well he's supposed to be short but he's tall. he's really tall. and then i said how come you're tall? and then he said i met with the wizard and he gulped him up and now he became tall. that could be true. magic is wild, man. i don't know how that works. aren't you gonna shoot him because he's tall? guys, we can find molotovs. what do you think about this guy? you think you can charge him before we kill him so that we can make more money? i don't think they will let you do that. smart.
21:59 everybody's money is valuable no matter if they're a monster or not. exactly. we kill them? money talks bullshit walks. we kill them or not? we kill them? kill them, kill them. oh! barry said please don't kill me. i'm just keeping it down. oh, you know what they need? they need an employee of the month because honestly i feel like i'm getting it today. guys, our yelp review is not so good.
22:32 guys? yeah, yeah. come back here. there's a back near the trash. okay. can we shoot him? what is this shit? yeah. what is this guy? can we kill him? it was quick as i did. we should have shot. she's bleeding, man. she's making more blood.
23:04 or no, maybe that's the meat on the counter. that's the body of the last customer. let's see, let's see. anita, she's a lawyer. yeah, okay, checks out. her hair is dyed dark red. no, she's dripping, bro. she's dripping. she ain't right. she's dripping blood. okay, let's ask about it. i don't know how to. maybe it's just the time of the month.
23:35 that's why she's buying pinball. yeah, go ahead and i'll shoot her. i don't have the gun. make a statement. i think she's cool. what's wrong about her? she's dripping all over our store. i think so too. so what? bro, this is an alien. are you sure? she's dripping all over the floor. hey, come on. come on. youch, youch, youch, youch, youch.
24:00 do we need to make money? we actually have to have some transaction today. there's a little wizard. there's a little wizard. he seems chill, man. he seems cool. this is how i think ghibli is. it's so true. this is how i think ghibli operates. i'll handle this one. i got this guy. oh, ryan, there's a blood behind you. thanks, boss. thank you. thank you.
24:31 damn, he's hungry too. he's taking one of everything. is he gonna steal? get the gun ready. why would you say that? like what would make you say that? yeah, that's messed up. he's a wiz. i'm sorry if we had su if you had superpowers you wouldn't steal. come on. oh. oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! yeah, so now what? hello, i'm norbert. is that all for today? he thinks he runs the place.
24:57 he's doing it classic norbert classic what is it? what is he doing man? scan unsuccessful fake id all right, man. let's just shoot this body block body block. my god he's invincible when he's stealing all of our stuff. good. i don't like that i'm doing the dog duty.
25:31 wait, wait, counter strike? uh oh. okay. he took a lot of shit too, man. fucking orbert, man. maybe we needed the money. we need the money. his name's ryan, of course. fantastic. no, but wait. oh, this is a different person. okay, here we go. ryan holt. scan successfully. occupation. yeah, checks out. alive. born in 1967. that's huge. he seems good, man. he seems good.
26:07 i saw that, i saw that by the way. no, that's like, here's the thing, you don't want to talk about farts in a place where people buy food, you know? what did you do? what did you do to me? you know what? the game devs know you! the game devs know who you are! you know what? i'm complaining to hr, this is bullshit. can you check out the reviews tab really quick? i'm interested in why we have four stars, which...
26:36 great job guys. we need to stop the shelves. the shelves are 90% stocked right now. okay, we can buy some decorations such as clock, aisle signs and molotovs. okay, i mean some aisle signs might get the reviews up. i'll help you out. so how do you guys think we did today? i'm gonna be honest. i think we killed too many people.
27:16 i feel bad, i don't think we had like a successful transaction, but we'll see. i mean, maybe today was just cursed. maybe the wizards are real and maybe the other guy was telling the truth. the other guy took a while to die. he gave us a token when he died too. so that's big. i guess. all right, i think we're all clean and ready to go, right? wait, i got too many mops in my pocket.
27:47 i do want to say just like to all to any who may be concerned you could put the mops back in the bucket. you don't just have to throw them on the ground like you put it back in the bucket like we were raised in a civilized society. not me. i've just been putting the mops down. i want to take full accountability. okay, that's good. no, it's to whom it may concern wasn't pointing at any of the three of us in particular. by the way, if you see any dishes that aren't in the dishwasher, they're soaking. well, that's that's the meta.
28:19 especially if you cut something really stinky. no, no, no, no, no. if you're soaking dishwasher like your dishes, that means you fucked up. if you hand wash it while the food is fresh, it should go straight to the dishwasher. 100%. that's why i put all the cast iron in there. no human got killed. that's crazy. perfect performance. but i still think we could ring up the monsters before we kill them.
28:44 i think we ring it up and they leave. but then we shoot them before they escape. when you ring them up, they become a monster. oh, i see. uh oh. yeah, yeah, yeah. then they start attacking. the ripper. oh, jesus. holy cow. bruce tall. he's eight feet tall. isn't that how tall you are right now, ryan? irl? irl, yeah. i'm eight feet tall. eight feet tall, yeah.
29:17 you're growing? yeah, yeah. the nba, they recently put in a height limit. um, because i wimby complains. you know how he is. i know all about wimby. he's like, oh, no one in the league can be taller than seven foot three. that wouldn't be fair. oh! why did the game got so loud? if you see it, do not hide, do not speak, and do not look back. run until your legs no longer obey. wait, you can hear a mic? that's fucked up.
29:54 the game got so loud out of nowhere. it's ridiculously loud. damn, i get it. okay, we did really good actually. we had a perfect day. look, everyone we can was a doppelganger. that is amazing. actually, that's sick. it's a new night. oh, can i actually, i would just say if we're gonna gamble our shared funds, perhaps we should get three people's approval on it. he's right. he's right. i'm afraid. it's an fyi for anyone out there.
30:30 wait, what the hell? oh, we're rich. i want a new hat. i cannot stop winning. what the fuck? i broke a bottle over the back of your head. oh my gosh. oh, dude. i cannot stop winning. cheers. i'll drink to that. whoa, i'm extremely motivated to work.
31:09 holy cow guns blazing wait. we already made 20 bucks yeah, yeah, yeah, i can't buy notice board oops wait, so what do we do if we see him we don't? make sound don't talk yeah, yeah, just run. yeah, you run just run. yeah, they said don't even hide i got him clutch clutch clutch. he's a screw. i saw all right guys guys. there's a criminal in our shop is that okay? oh?
31:44 oh, criminal. how do you know? he's just got a name tag and he's bald. what is this sound? oh, we got a male. rats. bad news. rats have started running rampant around store. they negatively affect the store ratings. oh god, guys. the back of the room, he's back and he's really close. the scary fucking clown.
32:12 how close was he? do not go back there, i'm warning you. do not. i'm not just not just notching the trash out. holy shit. what? oh, why is it lowering? review? what? why? oh, we need plants. we need plants. okay guys, i'm buying plants. oh, that's what the they're not high. they're coming in here and going, i hate this store because there's no plants.
32:45 now i get it. i know this guy. yeah, i know this guy. he's chill. are you sure? like he didn't turn into a monster overnight? i don't think so. i don't think so. mark as red, bro. you're chill. what's this beeping? oh, we had a... we had mail. oh, mouse! stop him! oh my god, you can catch the mouse! where? where? where? oh! i caught it. whoa! wait, what's going on? did i just trash it? ambulance.
33:21 i guess i throw the wait there's a squeaks. there's a squeaks in the store. what? there's a squeaks clone with a blue shirt. wait, he's handsome. what did i do with the mouse? i guess i'll just keep it. there's a monster i killed him. but how are you going to take out the bodies if the clown is out there? i don't know. that's right, man. that's right.
33:51 it ran last time. what the hell? yo so much coin. oh look heart. it loves you. you're stealing from my fucking store? he loves you. you need to hear that. w clown. oh i got us restock. ah i see what you're up to tommy. is he supposed to be naked? he seems alright. is he good? he seems okay. can i shoot him?
34:31 god, he keeps talking about catherine. this you looks about right man. i think he's good to go. damn, he bought a lot too actually. there's another way to second. i guess our stuff is just that good. no, this is a different guy. i saw both of them.
35:06 oh my god, oh my god guys guys guys there's a the mouse mouse. oh where i don't have it i can grab it okay. now i have to oh shit come over here
35:20 ow! what the fuck was that? did you just... like, what was that? i threw the mouse at you. oh my god, it hurt. oh my god, it's hurting me! i have 55 health. alright man, you're chill in my world. that really hurts. you might be an alien, you never caused me any damn problems. wait, you let him go? oh, here's a mouse. i got him. that guy, by the way, was for sure a monster. no way!
35:56 100% he checked he checked out he checked all the boxes, but he was the exact same name as the last guy. but i think he just forgot that he bought stuff. he was probably high on something. he had the plant next to his name. he's a clone. he's a clone. one of them was a clone, but i don't know. let's take the 5050 colton shirley alive. whatever you say, bro.
36:30 i mean that looks like you, i'm ringing you up. you guys notice we made a fuck ton of money today with me on the register. yeah, we're rich. excuse me? my god, this person is throwing, what the fuck? generator? i don't think so. my god, ryan, you are guys, the entities been a little, we don't have time to play the blame game. what the fuck do we do? the entities laid traps, never again doors. laid traps, laid traps. laid traps. ryan, you bother him.
37:02 the emergency weapons arsenal. how do we get, how do we? if it ain't one thing it's another. hey move, move, move, move, move. i got it, i got it, i got it. can they come through the vents? i don't know, i don't know. you put a bear trap on me. wait, so we don't talk and then we run away. only the big guy, only the big guy. i think this is different. oh jesus christ, does anyone have any damn boards?
37:40 we didn't lock up the bathroom! the bathroom's wide open! i'm going up the bathroom! i'm going up the bathroom! how do i you have to come back the other side. here, come not this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this one! this
38:37 how you guys doing? still alive? damn, he sucks. we did it. ow! oh my god. easy bro, too easy. can we just talk about how ryan fucked it up real hard? a hundred percent. i told you that the second guy, a clone he had to be. he didn't have to be. the first guy could have been a clone. and then it's like, i don't want to punish the second guy just because the first guy got me. you say good game. we go again.
39:06 yeah, that's true actually. but if you're here first, you're fine. yeah, you get priority. yeah, there's a prior system. 100%. i mean, a doppelganger can't exist without the original. so obviously the original was first. i think we're gonna need more products y'all. i think so too. we can buy it when the day is over. i think the products they just give it to us for free. i don't know. that's easy.
39:42 i like once it was time to shoot everyone just went quiet and just went trigger heavy. did you guys see on the top left it said mic volume and movement volume. yeah. elective noise. so i didn't want to be the reason that he was alerted. like, i think if we were just completely quiet and didn't move, we could have, like, not fought him. i don't think so. i think it needed to run away. right. his patience was running out.
40:12 yeah, yeah, cool, cool. just leave the box. leave the box right there so we can't get it. my god. great idea. great idea. we can just move it. i can't move because my hands are full because i've been doing i've been doing work like something you got to sort out. you got to sort that out. i mean, i don't know what to tell you. this is crazy. this is crazy. i think we're good, right?
40:42 i think we're good. oh, yeah, the computer doesn't work. they turned off our damn internet. yeah. all right, let's get out of here. we got dan easily internet, huh? i didn't know the internet was that spotty in hollywood.
41:03 we cannot obviously we cannot just leave ryan in the till by himself. literally no humans killed surpassed quota nobody died when we got assaulted by that big spider. yeah if you let literally everyone through then no human will die. you can't kill anybody.
41:17 no humans killed, no enemies killed. my ass just running around in circles the whole day by the way. i didn't do shit. i am a middle manager. my cat is healthier. yeah, copernicus is gonna join us on the next shift. we need medicine. i had to search the data. the first tommy was a doppelganger.
41:48 oh, my bad guys, my bad. you're right! it wasn't hey wait, yeah it wasn't i didn't even let howard through! i wouldn't even let howard through! and you called him a criminal! you called him a criminal right away! oh shit, look at our our animals! our pups. wait, you chose the same cat. oh, there's only one cat. oh, i got the pup. oh, man. oh, we can pump gas now!
42:25 we have to check and see if them or their car is a doppelganger. okay. no way. guys, you're gonna want to see the back of the store. okay. like, you know our customer? oh shit. he's gonna kill the guy? yeah, i think... i think we've all been killed. oh, okay. no problem.
42:59 get this, get this off here. get this graffiti off of here. holy cow. raise the entity. all right, one second. use the flashlight to search the car for suspicious items. look for the license plate on the device to your right. damn, damn. holy cow, squeeks, why would you do that?
43:34 no way, i feel bad, you can't pick it up, i feel so guilty. i feel so bad. making mess, making mess. asshole. holy shit, this is real work, i guess. let's launch it up. i got gas today. what if we accidentally kill our animal? you don't touch copernicus. you don't touch copernicus, okay?
44:07 should we read the notes? i read that you guys haven't read the note next to the gas pump. that's true. you mean the squeaks? guys, can i also propose something like a maybe a gun sharing system where we leave the gun on the counter?
44:38 yeah, okay, that's a great idea. or even in the gun safe under the cash register. yeah, that's probably smarter. okay, okay, okay. we'll leave it in there. here we go. there's a car. young christopher walken, give me $13 of gas and make it snappy, understand? he's an asshole. wait one second, gotta use the flashlight. let me just gamble real quick. sorry, brother.
45:10 what do you got here? he's got a pile of guns in the trunk. well, that's okay. we're not the cops. pile of guns. don't act like that's surprising anymore. okay. he said you got guns too. fair enough. he kind of owned us with that one. oh shit. you want to go to the license plates? oh yeah. oh, okay. you want to pop 04lj in there and see what pops up? oh, in the database? no, right here. right. think back. whoa. oh.
45:44 blue station wagon dirt marks on the lower exterior. that's a station wagon. yeah. okay. i think he's all right, man. i think he's all right. i want money. i want money. give me money. wait. holy shit. put it back, man. put it back. where did this customer go? you're good to go. you're good to go.
46:28 i swear there was a customer in here. all right, so far so good guys. one of the customers. miss. excuse me. my god. i didn't realize it was so hard to get some supplies for the beach.
46:55 yeah, yeah, okay. it's not warm and sunny, do we interrogate her about it? well, she's got the same outfit on in her id, so maybe that's just how she rolls. whoa, guys! what the hell? all right, that's awesome. what were you doing? what were you doing with the naked lady? that's awesome. excuse me? she says she's a cop with seven piercings.
47:24 okay, wait, let's count. one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. yeah, seven piercings. wait, say that again. don't do it. she checks out, man. i think she's are you thinking logically or are you she said she's a cop. she said she has seven piercings. she said she was born in 1969. she's good.
47:51 all right. all right. i mean, i don't know if you think you've done due diligence and then we can light her up. yeah, y'all smell head. this is a man on a mission right here. he's jogging in the store. holy shit. it looks like they're giggling actually. let's break up. he's wearing the dance stuff.
48:18 see derek postal worker jogs everywhere always wearing his orange jacket i mean i all level with you. i think he checks out. how did i end up on the cash register again, man? i think i'm gonna get embarrassed oh the gnome selling lemonade outside look at this guy
48:51 i drank his lemonade
49:21 i don't know if i would recommend it. why would you do that? why did you do that? to be honest with you, i'm not sure if i would recommend it. but i like this guy. i don't know about the move. why is he dancing? i'm going to shoot him. why? why? why would you do that? we shot him last time. we have to beat norbert. we know norbert is a doppelganger. yeah. whoa. he likes to dance.
49:51 no music needed, the rhythm's in my head but his job is different is it? what did he say? he doesn't work anymore well, he says retired construction worker we can't shoot this guy you can't shoot, he isn't doing anything wrong he's sick oh shit, he's going... shine on... oh, watch out! oh my god, he almost got hit by the car
50:26 wait, are we selling lemonades? that's norbert. no, no, norbert was and then i killed him. you can drink the lemonade. don't do it. don't do it. i think it's a spell. wait, i drank it? i need the gun right now. this guy's car is made of meat. oh, guys, my vision is yellow. guys, i'm dying. don't drink the lemonade. oh, no. i think i'm gonna die. oh, phone call. what happens when i die? no, don't eat the cats are eating the meat.
51:02 it's our boss. guys, there's so many mice? mice? mice? well, that's okay because that's what we got our animals for. i think i'm gonna die. guys, just grab it and throw it. grab it and throw it. okay, the cats are doing nothing by the way. oh, what are you saying about the cats and about the dogs? how about the dogs? should the dogs do something too? against rats? dogs are chill! yeah! dogs are...
51:45 i wanna see a leaderboard after this. it doesn't have to be competition. i think i literally i did like 80 rats man. there's one more rat here. there are more rats dude. whatever objective complete. that's how i roll. are they still coming from the bathroom? why are there still so many? ratty boy don't look. my god, the animals are eating the rats. yeah, they'll eat them. they eat so fast. huge, that was huge.
52:31 that's sick. that's actually sick. wait, how? how? let me talk to him. how chen needs a student small guys at your fidgety hands. guys, this guy is a kid but then the id is a fully grown man. this is a little kid. so you want to shoot him? can you quiz him? can you quiz him?
53:05 no oh my god that's what i know i think you know about that he's just a freaking kid he's well be help me someone's okay shoot him get a good i will try to get out of my trash can drop the gun and some other good i got a gun nice what the hell are you on a gun it's a fake gun
53:41 he was doing a youtube prank show, i think. dumb ass. you've reached the find out part of fucking around and find out, right? yeah, he's dead. there's no one to find out. good job. real job. you did the fuck around part. now it's time to find out what finding out is like. 2000 likes. it's this guy. it's our first customer ever. yeah, clyde's chill, bro. what was that? i heard like a mustard bottle getting squeezed.
54:18 wait, this guy just used the bathroom without buying anything. let's kill him. okay oh my god, he's shit all over the bathroom did he really yeah, yo you killed a customer. oh, oh no. oh no ryan. no, no. no, i didn't. no, i didn't. oh my god oh shit, dude kly was a doppelganger board up everything same spots and kiddies get in
54:57 we'll try to avoid conflict who has the gun who has the gun i got the gun i got the gun. we all get guns. good coms. i can i can start a shelf i can start a shelf quick i can start a ship no no the emergency emergency gun section. in my defense clyde did they say ring clyde up? it was frickin clyde. classic clyde.
55:36 holy cow, holy cow. get ready. i got find a corner and let's hide. no shooting. oh! oh my god, guys. i have alerted it. i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry. bro, it's spitting out babies. guys, guys. go into the vents. be careful. the vents will push you out after a minute. what the fuck are you doing? squeaks, you get squeaks for scampling. squeaks was scampling while the entity was here. i thought we were not shooting. what the fuck?
58:24 yeah, yeah, good idea, good idea. here, i got you. who's gambling? that's big, that's big. i'm pulling, i'm pulling aggro. whoa, what a fucking spin. jesus christ. what did i win? what did i win? idiot! you're fucking crazy, dude. i don't know why you guys are gambling, man. we only have seven coins now.
59:54 we have so much cash. we have so many hats too. the hats are through the roof. wow, what a day of work. crazy nurses just have to do this. and we got a lot of cleanup to do too. do their shit all over the toilet. my gosh, not it. i'll clean the i'll clean the shit. it's that guy you just shit in there and then he threw us off our game. yeah, he threw us off. yeah.
1:00:30 i knew it was bad when i heard it i'll say i think someone popped open the muscles. that makes so much sense. okay, should we get more plants? how's our rating doing? i think our rating was five out of five. let's freaking go. okay, this plant is doing all the heavy lifting. let's freaking go. why are you i'm trying to put the flashlight back but they don't want it back.
1:01:08 you're such a suck up to the boss. well, i just don't i mean, how would you feel if you drove into a gas station? there are a bunch of flashlights on the ground gives a shit dude. we're getting barely paid. we're being attacked, bro i gotta throw this garbage out of the boss will be mad extra zero cents. where's my thank you? you brought your own mom for yeah, it's my favorite mom i
1:01:45 excuse me. let's go drink up bud. cheers to that. cheers. cheers. shit. we should drink before work if it gives us a boost. okay, i thought you guys be excited. no, i can read the room. now let's see. how many cats do we have? two cats, one dog.
1:02:21 one who was the human we killed? we killed? was it the dude who shit on the all over the bathroom? paul the kid! paul the kid! oh no, the kid was innocent? he said he was nervous. that's so sad. no, no, who was it? oh my god, of course the naked lady was a doppelganger.
1:02:49 human, he uses a fake id but searching him up in the database reveals he's trying to buy alcohol underage. he was sus. he committed a crime. i'm innocent. clyde was human. the woman in a bathing suit was a doppelganger by the way. whatever. you horny men. you're the one whose eyes were popping out of your head.
1:03:20 oh shit what the hell is blood bleeding rain?