the ＂iron＂ throne - Bits and Banter [07⧸23⧸2026]

Name: the ＂iron＂ throne - Bits and Banter [07⧸23⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-07-26
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "the ＂iron＂ throne - Bits and Banter [07⧸23⧸2026]" — 306 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-07-26

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306 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 what's the temperature today, man? yesterday was too damn hot. i was so sweaty yesterday, i took my kid to the playground for...
0:09 i don't know, 20 minutes? and i sweated so much that i almost chafed one of my nipples like a runner. like i could feel, because i used to run and occasionally i would get chafed nipples, i could feel like the same sort of the sensation that precedes the chafing of the nipple. that's how i know it was too damn high yesterday, man. how rough is your shirt? probably softer than yours if i had to guess. probably a lot softer than yours. i have some of the softest shirts out there.
0:38 dan might need more time to practice. dan at present, daniel had the most, and i mean this in a genuinely positive way. i don't think there's anything wrong with being a man of your times, but dan is the most middle aged in 2026 looking man of all time on his stream right now. macbook pro baby.
1:10 the patterned golf polo shirt
1:20 with the like modern style. i don't even know what you call those hats now that have like the the string across where the the bucket meets the brim so that you could put like some fishing tackle in there. and then like the oh it's a rope hat there he's got the rope hat that was custom printed to say coach dad. oh
1:42 oh, that is very guy in his 40s in 2026. take it from the disney cruiser. i saw this and i said that that is a man who is at peace with the times in which he's living in. we got to figure something out. the percent i think that as much as i hate to admit it, the people who were mad at gimmick chatters getting attention have been proven to be at least more right than wrong because we now and i'm pretty sure it's just like
2:10 maybe like three people just making alt accounts to try to get their name read on stream. we have way too many people trying to be gimmick chatters. the ratio is getting way too high now. and i'm already, i mean, you know what industry i'm in, i'm already surrounded by fakes nonstop. so just to see a bunch of fake people in chat, i mean, it's just, it feels twice as bad. it feels doubly bad. where's joel?
2:45 people keep asking me as if i could possibly know the answer to this question. i'm assuming that, i mean, i'm hoping that joel is okay. but then on top of that, i'm also assuming that at some point maybe you reach a stage in your life or maybe you exit a stage in your life where you say, you know what? i'm not gonna spend five hours today just typing my catchphrase over and over. even the bot got bored of the bit. joel was a robot.
3:17 i mean, this is where i now retcon it. i don't think i was ever really glazing joel, joel, joel, joel, joel, joel, joel, who just posted joles all the time. but definitely, lot of you in chat whenever someone would say, whenever joel, joel, joel, joel, joel, joel, joel, would post a fish, you would go joel, you would be like excited about it. so, i mean, i understand. it's not a bot, it's an automated script. it's an automated script, marie. it's not a bot, it's a tool. it's an application.
3:45 the way i look at it is like a lot of the gimmick chatters, i'm kind of selling out my own audience and it feels damn good. but you know how like if you're watching the go off kings like one in four chatters has a name change night gimmick name, dog that looks like eminem for example. it's like that except they have taken it one step further and they've
4:10 taking the gimmick name as their character so they don't just have the gimmick name where when you look at it you go well, that's a funny name. they have that you would now be going like, you know, hey, what are you gonna play today? also, i look like eminem roof roof or something like that. you know what i mean? it's just like one it's one step too far and the poop ones especially i am starting to worry that maybe i'm being farmed for someone's fetish and i'm very much like i
4:39 one of those guys who pushes back on the idea, where you're like, what's this? a thousand people go, oh, it's fetish content. but this, all the holistic poop doctor, british guy who kept asking me when america's gonna start wanking, stop jerking. there's someone, like dr. poopy paints or something today. i'm worried that there's just one guy who's just getting too much dopamine and maybe too much serotonin off me as well. what is this shot?
5:08 when you see the reason for this shot, you'll be ashamed of your words and your deeds. watch this. that couldn't have gone any worse.
5:21 now someone like don cheadle's, i'm not 100% sure, because they're not a gimmick chatter in the sense of like, they're not talking as if like they're, what if don cheadle was the mascot of cheadle's or something like that? they are asking me every single day how i feel about the equalizer trilogy. and i don't know where that lands on the spectrum of gimmick chatters. that's just an honest to goodness question.
5:47 yeah, but i mean it says something about your character when you've been asking for two or three days how i feel about the equalizer. the equalizer trilogy, which i have not seen, as i understand it, nobody has strong feelings about it whatsoever. so the fact that you've been asking about it for so long is in and of itself indicative of a character trait. you could kill so many gimmick chatters by just answering their questions? yeah, but, justin, no disrespect, your question sucks.
6:16 do you eat your booger's socks, man? and i kind of feel like i got you, like i'm gonna win by submission, quite frankly. i mean we already got you on the peloton just so that you could get some aura gain to keep asking if i eat my boogers. think about what we'll have you doing a couple months from now if we still haven't answered the question.
6:36 and how the hell you playing today? this is disc golf. this is disc golf masters. it's 30 bucks. it came out a couple weeks ago. the music gets content. i did every single time you put it to youtube.
6:48 even though the menu music is the only song in the game and it's the worst song i've ever heard in my entire life. the fact, i mean, disc golf masters developers, if you're listening to this, for the youtuber and streamer's sake, you can just rip the menu music out. the song in the menu is bad. just put something royalty free in. like listen, this is what's causing me to get no ad revenue on my youtube disc golf masters videos. this one that goes,
7:17 that's it? couldn't we just get the... some kevin macleod stuff, man? shot like this? it's a gimme if you're good. oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. what did i tell you, bro? what did i tell you? now this is a fucking run. what the hell? don't worry, the stock market as i know is not crashing, or as i imagine is not crashing. we had a new, uh...
7:54 very, very divisive topic hit the g chat this morning, which is that my friend is buying a car and he asked for everyone's opinion on what car he should buy. and when you're dealing with a group chat with a bunch of like 38 year old millennials, i mean that it really gets the activity going.
8:17 and it's there's wrinkles because one day, maybe like three weeks ago, another friend of ours, you may know him, his name is josh, is like, hey, can i show you guys how bad ass our mutual friend is? and we went, sure. and then he posted a picture of a car that had been so destroyed in a car accident that you would go, well, nobody could possibly live through that. and then he said, our friend got in this accident and lived
8:46 he just has a headache. and we were like, holy shit, is he okay? and he's okay. i mean, he's like, he's more than a headache. he's got some, you know, he's doing some convalescing, let's put it that way. but now he's feeling well enough to start thinking about the positives of the car accident, such as what kind of car can you get from the insurance settlement that he's about to get?
9:10 he's probably really excited to drive again. if i had to guess. he's probably really excited to get back out on the open road. just get a toyota? i think that's one of the things that's in play right now, is a toyota. it's hard because when i was a teenager, the meta was just by honda. but i don't know, not to insult any honda purchasers out there, but didn't something happen? honda was like the go to japanese
9:41 quality plus budget plus value pick when i was learning to drive. what's so funny is that we're doing a golf challenge today. we're going to do disc golf masters. we're going to do pga tour 2k23 and we're doing golf with your friends. the pga tour 2k23 banner image on steam is so funny. it's tiger woods sitting on the iron throne, but the iron throne is made of golf clubs instead of swords.
10:12 what happened to our culture, man? where we were like, this is cool. this is awesome. raheem, gary. whoa, whoa, a participant in the call you joined us clipping enabled. your voice may be recorded. i do not consent. i do not consent. what is that? well, you must live in a two party state or something like that, right? where you've got to inform someone if they're being recorded. bricks and minifigures type stuff. why would it record you?
10:42 i don't know but i do not consent. so who broke someone broke our consent without consent? well, here's the thing i do not authorize meta facebook or any entity associated with facebook to use my photos, information messages or post past or future. with this statement, i notify facebook that it is strictly prohibited to disclose copy, distributor take any other action against me based on this profile or its contents violations of this privacy may be punishable by law.
11:07 yes. also, i'm attending that and i'm also the second party on that. so, ryan gary. mm hmm. how we feeling? must be tea time. you know, it's must be tea time. must be tea time and it's tea, toast. i'm having a little toast. it's tea toss and putt. that's right. we're about to go head to head.
11:36 and find out who the better gamer is, chat. heading into this, i think we put a little stakes on it. are you okay with just a friendly dad to dad wager on the course? well, what are you thinking for the stakes? are you thinking, because i was watching a little bit of faze yesterday, and they were playing air hockey, they were playing 4v4 air hockey for $40,000 a game. were you thinking something like that?
12:01 yeah, yeah, just take three of the zeros off of it and then run it through the twitch machine. and we could go five racks, aka five gifted subs to the winner? absolutely, absolutely. just something to keep you a little invested. i see what you're saying. yeah, of course.
12:19 but they were actually, they're playing air hockey for 40 grand. i literally went to the homepage just to go to my twitch dashboard. and then they were front and center in the carousel on the homepage. and they were in like a dave and busters playing air hockey for 40 g's, 40 g's a game. how did you relate to that as a viewer? well, there were a couple of things i thought. one of the things i thought was,
12:47 i'm glad that i was not, that i was born in 1988 instead of possibly being like 14 when this started so i could watch this and be like, well, this is what content should be like for example. sorry, i'm a little distracted because i'm also, i'm skipping every tutorial in the, in this. i love booting up a game for the first time in three years. and the first thing it says is time to say goodbye.
13:16 pga tour 2k23 has been removed from digital storefronts. we are now sunsetting the game to focus on other projects. but also claim your rewards now. you've earned nike infinity tour shoes and 850vc. can i can you get the ads off? can you get the ads off the screen? can you get the ads off the screen?
13:38 oh, there he is. okay. i didn't have time to do the character creator. you look like my 11th grade math teacher, man. he's got the white sock drip. okay. just quick heads up. we're playing match play. so basically you're steph curry? i didn't know they have famous golfers in the game, man.
14:06 that's pretty good. do you want to go toe to toe with me? you really want to go toe to toe with nade shot? well, i mean there's a classic right there. i got you as nade shots. let me see.
14:31 in the peacekeeper, i can't be using this. look at his club as an eagle, man. that doesn't look right. that just doesn't look right. i gotta go with steph curry. steph curry, all right. are the heights accurate here? like you think you're roughly as tall as steph curry? oh yeah, well actually i don't think it's that i'm taller than steph curry. he is one of the shortest guys in the nba.
14:52 and look at that quick unrelated unrelated question i know who orson wells is but what is steak op hovary that is a french preparation of steak it's from a well i mean it's it's from reality but also it's a reference to the orson wells film f is for fake from 1973 it's his last theatrical motion picture
15:13 in a movie that's like a pseudo documentary, is kind of a mockumentary, he's talking to the camera while eating at a restaurant and then just out of nowhere he holds his dish up to the server. you know, the cameras are still rolling and he goes, you can take this away and bring me the steak au poivre. and it's just such an aura rich moment that i felt it had to be immortalized. so you're saying orson welles in the 50s did the first mukbang.
15:40 yes, she the first the first mukbang. wait, is it called mukbang or mukbang? it's okay. i do like mukbang pro baby that's got a certain. it's got a certain gravitas to it. yes, it's mukbang. the b a n g in korean is a like an o sound in english.
15:59 but like i saw someone in stream or you say that they're going to do $100,000 mukbang. so is that something different? they probably also don't know how it's pronounced. but the thing is, it's the same in maybe in north america, you would get its language is about being able to understand what people are trying to say, right? so if you say mukbang, and people go, what's that? it sounds like you're smoking like dirt. it sounds like you're smoking a pipe full of dirt.
16:24 then that's nothing but if they understand what mukbang is then fair enough man speaking of dirt what's on your what's on your right leg right now i think if you encounter like a door in the forest that requires a password you enter those three symbols in order and then you get to speak to the forest guardian find the location of the fairy bottle what's it like being you man like how does that just pop into your head well you're you're serving up
16:54 oh, you're serving up questions. and i gotta, i gotta come up with the answer. it's just improv. but like there was no, like, is there, is your electronic impulse in your brain stronger than the average person?
17:08 i wouldn't possibly know how to answer that. that's one i don't want a yes end because the optics of it are not good. learn how to putt, steph. he's so bad at getting the ball in the hole. everyone knows that about steph curry.
17:25 so we're not playing, uh, we're playing whole play, not stroke play. yes. that makes sense. oh, it makes sense to me. this must be on the weekend then. i didn't mean it like that. oh, that's good stuff.
17:51 okay, this is a this is a truthful question. and i'm going to think of an answer myself. what sport do you think you could beat steph curry in actually in real life? what sport could i beat steph curry in in real life? okay, i'm thinking about it. because the original guess would be cycling just because i probably got more time in it. but i mean, with basketball, you got some great cardio. he's got a more appropriate kinematics for cycling as well. he's a little bit taller. so i
18:20 so i wouldn't necessarily think that it's a shoo in, but i might have a chance. apart from that, i mean, yeah, maybe like a sport that isn't really a sport, like bowling. bowling, i might have a good chance. or do i do something? do i go like air hockey because i got to get him out of the spherical sports?
18:40 because if i'm bowling, i mean he spends all day with a ball that's basically very, very similar to a basketball at least in terms of its size. so i feel like he's got to have accidentally built some structures in his brain that would be good at bowling. i gotta think about it. has he suffered any injuries recently? is there anything that would render him like unable to participate in a sport maybe?
19:07 i believe out of all the sports out there, there's at least one individual sport that's different that we could each beat them in. okay, what do you think for you? magic the gathering. we're using like a very liberal definition of the word sport. okay. what discipline of magic the gathering? like sealed or are we talking about something where you're going to come in with a deck that you've already optimized and he's just going to be buying packs at the store?
19:38 sealed sealed for sure. but i'm getting even playing field. okay, okay. i well, okay, first off, maybe basketball on a good day. short of basketball. i'm gonna i'm gonna go i'm gonna go with air hockey. i think i could beat steph curry in air hockey.
19:59 he's did you ever hear the story about he was supposed to sign with nike? he ended up signing with under armour, but he went into the nike meeting and they pronounced him. hey, steven, come take a seat. we're going to give you this presentation. that was the first thing i said to him. and then he was out at that moment. that was it gone. crazy. it reminds me of you know, shonda rhimes is the like grey's anatomy creator.
20:24 yeah, so she was with abc forever for like grey's anatomy and stuff like that, which is a disney company. and part of the perk of that is that she could basically go to disneyland for free and take whoever she wanted. and then when she was negotiating for like who was going to what network she was going to go to for her next show.
20:44 she tried to go to disneyland and like her credentials didn't work. holy cow. and then she called disney and they were like, well, you're not signed with us, so we're not going to let you go into disneyland for free. like you've got to pay for yourself and everyone that's with you. and then she went like, okay, i'm going with netflix or whatever. tried to like a nickel and dime on this like multi hundred million dollar deal and just blew it before they even got into the negotiating room.
21:13 over what's a ticket to disney world like 20 bucks? no, i mean, it's like maybe a hundred and fifty bucks, but it's you know the drop in the bucket. you're dealing with orders of magnitude here has anyone ever blown a sponsored deal with you because they called you a different name? no, that's never happened but i think the ones that would be most likely to happen get declined before they make it to the can we get on a quick call phase
21:41 at this stage in your life, are you hopping on a call with a sponsor? or anything? well listen, i don't like to get into the weeds on this because it sounds really bad. but it is a factor in taking a deal. like if you had two opportunities in front of you that were otherwise the same and one of them was like you gotta hop on a quick call. i mean it's obvious, you're going with the other one. but you know, i'll jump through some hoops.
22:09 i've emptied the shelf behind me of stuff that could, i've taken my family photos down from behind me so that certain companies didn't think that they were third party ip and thus make me re film the whole segment. well really? chad, i'm not gonna ask you what sponsorship it was because it puts you in an awkward position. i already said it. chad, what's my... i already said it like 10 times. it was anytime i've done something
22:36 well, it was like capcom through nintendo for resident evil. and they were like, well, the client is very concerned about third party ip appearing in the background. so we recommend you take down like, even the stuff that is not third party ip behind you just clean shelf. so you know, if you ever see an empty shelf behind me, you know we're playing a capcom game on nintendo switch later that day.
22:58 did you just put all the items in the slot pile? what did you do with them? where the hell am i, man? i'm on top of two watermelons? what's going on here? i literally just moved into a corner of my office that the camera can't see, so it looked like total garbage. so what has been your
23:19 not your favorite, not your number one movie. what has been like a sleeper that criterion dealt up to you that you were like jaw dropped at it? i'm gonna flip it around and say last night i watched the lego movie. pretty good movie. you ever see the lego movie? i did, but i fell asleep during it. i think that's valid because sleep is also important. if the movie is too zoomer, like it puts me to sleep.
23:45 too zoomer being like, because it's very rapid fire with it's like, the stimulation is high. there's no plot development, there's no twist, there's no turns, there's no dialogue, there's nothing to get me invested in the little yellow figures, you know what i mean? i'll say that that's a little crazy to say as someone who fell asleep during the movie, because how would you know? but there is a twist in the movie, lord business is the kid's dad, bro.
24:12 lord business is the kid's dad, but you already knew that because lord business is voiced by will ferrell and then you see will ferrell come down the stairs and you're like oh shit. and you think lord business is talking to a grander trope in the movie? well to be honest the real world stuff in the lego movie didn't really work that well for me but the rest of it i thought was cute and reasonably fun.
24:34 well, talk about lack of development in little yellow characters. i also took my family to see monsters and minions. right, minions and monsters, but that's fine. yes, and outside of seeing george lucas trapped in a glass cage. which we should add happens 90 seconds into the movie. that was the best part of the movie because my question was, did george sign off on that? or because he's a public figure, they just got to use him?
25:03 i bet he signed off on that. but he's not... they could have put anybody in there, right? but he's not with universal, he's with disney. he's not with anybody. his star wars stuff is with disney. so do you think he did that as like a feuded disney? i would have. maybe they were just like, hey, do you want to like read two lines in this kid's movie? and he was like, okay, i'd love to. he kind of sounds like that, right? yeah. there's just like 100% more grumpier.
25:36 well, i get it man. i'd be grumpy too. if you sold your life's work for 5 billion, why would you be grumpy?
25:45 well because like you've spent your whole life with just like nerds bothering you about like stuff that i mean i personally believe that i think george probably doesn't care that much who like bo katan's dad is or like oh where was the dark saber during like return of the jedi or stuff like that. i think he's probably like sick of answering questions like that.
26:07 well, here's the thing though. i'm gonna take the opposite approach. i think he misses being asked about that. oh, i thought you meant i think he misses being asked about bo katan's lost lightsaber because everything george lucas wrote about was something in his life. so bo katan's lost lightsaber was his hammer that he lost in eighth grade. you know, like, i think he misses that and misses control of that universe, which is why it's so grumpy. i don't i disagree.
26:34 okay, well then let's take another person who sold all his work for five billion. notch. notch and george lucas, both grumpy. are we doing like a smoke circle? nightmare's blunt rotation? i don't know. i mean, i think it's probably just the lifelong tale of you peace! sorry. this could be big. of money doesn't make you happy.
27:04 especially, well, i felt like that old guy on call for help. well, shoot. yeah, that can happen. i think it's one of the, obviously it helps, but if you have a billion dollars and then you go to $5 billion, you probably would be like, i would be a lot happier if people would just leave me alone. is that why you're off social media? yeah, man, 100%.
27:31 like stop bugging me and asking me about isaac. yeah, so with it like what hey i've got a new game that just came out on steam that you should play i'm like i just like i can't be 40 years old just reading that like a hundred times a day and that's like as good as it gets man
27:47 i played golf for the first time in real life yesterday. for the first time in the year. the first time i played 18 holes were after the 11th hole i was still excited to play. normally after like 10 holes i'm like this is boring get me out of here. you want to know the difference? i played with... what an approach.
28:13 what an approach. actually, i was gonna say the people i was playing with but two high nunes did make the difference. dan, you are wearing a high noon outfit right now. that rope hat with that kind of golf shirt, that is a high noon outfit. all you need are some socks that have like some pineapples or like a popsicle on them or something like that.
28:36 the guy who's playing with red, white and blue popsicles on his golf balls. 100%. how did you know? i've been on a disney cruiser too, man. i know what americans in their 40s are dressing like.
28:53 so, okay, so, and i want as a disc golf connoisseur like yourself, you nailed the stereotype of a modern day golfer, right? like ropat, etc, etc. what is this stereotype that's not gonna get you canceled of a disc golfer? mustache and drinks an ipa? no, probably like drinks a non alcoholic athletic, but looks like the kind of person that would be blocking your way at packs with a huge backpack.
29:24 i don't know how else to say it honestly, i don't know how else to say it. the kind of person that would come to pax with a huge backpack on with like six loads of bread in the backpack. have you ever done unbanned requests? i think it's bad to do it on stream, to be honest with you. why? because i think it just makes people, it incentivizes a certain percentage of chat to get banned to eventually be in on ban requests on stream.
29:55 i feel like the industry is kind of like becoming this. what's an astronomical term for something that is collapsing under its own gravity? like, we're supposed to be for safety reasons, i feel like we're supposed to be minimizing the amount of parasociality out there. and yet every single stream over time just trends in the direction of being less about anything except for itself.
30:22 all streams are just becoming, let's recap the drama from the previous stream, sew some drama for the next stream, do a little bit of clip farming, react to some other drama that's happening on other streams, etc, etc. so all this like i don't really get excited about the idea of making content about the content. i find that i like this is this is an escape from that i think.
30:46 i would rather produce something that kind of stands on its own because i know like it just strikes me as i don't know. i don't want to cultivate the kind of audience that is like really concerned how the sausage is made. i just want them to be like, i feel like i could go for a sausage today. so you you make the sausage for other people to look and point at they want to point at your sausage, right? yeah, i do. it's about you don't you want to point at someone else. if they cover their mouths if they laugh if they if they gasp any any reactions. okay.
31:13 okay, i get what you're saying. yeah, i mean like i watched i watched probably 10 minutes of streamer you and then i watched like what i was gonna watch 15 minutes of ludwig's talk and i'm watching five hours of it but anyways the 10 minutes i did see of streamer you it was a girl walking in a hallway and a dude who hot sauce at her and then i turned it off? i
31:41 no, that's pretty good. that's what i want to see more of. what i don't want to see is recapping the hot sauce incident. was it okay to throw the hot sauce or not? more original singular content like that is what i'm looking for. but i felt bad. like i saw that i'm like, it wasn't planned. it was like,
32:06 it sounds funny but it wasn't. i mean it's the kind of thing that's like it would be funny if someone said imagine if i just dumped a bunch of hot sauce on you right now but when it actually happens you go oh wait like i feel really bad for this person right now they're covered in hot sauce. someone in chat said katie got caught slipping what do you mean? kato caught slipping straight mustard face yeah.
32:33 no, i think you're definitely the outlier in twitch that you create the stream, not the react. well, you know, you don't react to anything. well, sometimes i'll react to an old canadian music video or something like that. but otherwise, i don't know, i just find it uninteresting. but that's obviously atypical in the sense that it seems like... i was going to put it on the viewers, but it seems like even the streamers are like, yeah, making content is cool, but the coolest thing is responding to a question about how the content is made.
33:02 which i have a certain ability to talk about, but at some point it's just like, i just don't care. because i'm not in b2b sales, right? i'm not in streamer to streamer sales. i don't want to sell a piece of firmware to a streamer to make their streaming easier. i want to stream. i want to stream, not sell courses. so if you're not in b2b, you're in b2c? yeah, yeah.
33:29 and you know, but you don't like talking about b2b or b2c. i just find it what more can you say about like being a streamer inside rough here. so it's been said 1000 times over.
33:39 i'll talk about it with you in the back chat. well, the other thing is, the other reason i don't like talking about it is i had your stream up for a little bit when you were watching the streameru stuff. and then i was like, oh, he's watching streameru. like i just, it's not in my wheelhouse, but seeing all the people in chat who are not streamers be like, yeah, this is how streaming works. you should do this. you should do that. i was just like, it's so like,
34:05 i'm like, to me it feels like one of those things that's like it feels good to give advice and it feels like you're doing something productive but it's not necessarily like the most efficient use of everybody's time i guess is what i'm saying. no so people were getting mad when i was watching it like can you just play games? can you just play games? and i'm like i get it you know you don't want me to watch racked to learning but also he dropped some gems in it you know
34:32 yeah, i believe that. i mean, ludwig's a smart guy. and then he did message me, not to put the dms on blast, but he said, sorry, i called your viewers 30 year old people on the spectrum with nine to five jobs. and i said, that's fine, but are you apologizing to them or are you apologizing to me?
34:54 and what did you really respond? did you type a message that's like the hidden discord message where you gotta like click over it to reveal it and it says you're not wrong? no, no, that's exactly what i said. i'm only 29. someone in chat says the spectrum peeps watch nl, the adhd ones watch dan. to each their own. there's a place for everyone.
35:20 all right, lock in whatever ails you we got we got the medicine
35:29 i did like when all three of your kids came into your office. i guess it was on monday and then your oldest son took the microphone and went lebron james. i'm glad that lebron james stim has made it to generation alpha. because lebron's getting pretty up there these days. he might only have a season or two left in him. can we put on the one that i like? what? yeah, i can hit it once. right there.
36:00 yeah, they just heard that lebron james i knew i was cooked when my oldest son he's like, hey dad. i got something for your soundboard and i go what he goes just just trust me on this one and he told me to go to youtube and type type in f a h h sound and it's become a crowd favorite i gotta say man and it's
36:26 it's because of him man. it's like that. yeah. did i ever tell you the battery story? i don't think so. the kid i grew up with. so there were these, i was growing up and my sister was older and she had two friends that were twin boys and one of them was really smart and one of them was the opposite of really smart. so one day they were and that's interesting in and of itself.
36:51 one day the twins were home alone at their house and one of them's like, i wonder what's in a battery. so then he took a nine volt battery into the garage and put it into a vice. i think you have told me this, but i want to hear it again.
37:14 the powder that was in the battery all around his eyes so he showed up at school the next day.
37:32 so i thought in a 9 volt, if you took the top off the 9 volt, it was just a bunch of little batteries in there. i thought like inside a 9 volt was just like 10 watch batteries or something. i don't know, but i just know he came to school with that was the story because i asked my mom and even i think i was like eight at the time. i'm like, mom, why would you be the battery with a baseball bat? she's like, i don't know, dan. i don't know. i don't know.
37:59 so know anyone watching or listening to this, you don't need to find out what's inside of a battery. we just told you. but also i bet there's probably a youtube video on it too. smashing batteries. there has to be. can i say to this day, there's almost no worse feeling than going to replace the batteries in something and when you take the battery pack off and you're going, please, no, no, no, no. triple a's! triple a's! in a double a world, you want me to be using triple a's.
38:29 you know what solves all that? battery daddy. oh, the battery daddy. yes, i have one. i have one and i actively replenish it before it ends because it's very satisfying opening up a box of batteries from amazon and putting every one of the batteries into its individual slot. i could totally see that interesting choice of words.
38:53 do you have a battery drawer? where do you store your batteries? we have a drawer with the packages of the batteries in them. and we grab those out of the packages as needed. is it a slop drawer? yeah.
39:09 old, like you had to mail something once 10 years ago. so now you bought like 20 envelopes. so there's just 19 envelopes sitting in there. but that you, you might've changed my life with the, with the battery daddy. cause when you were describing it, that's how i feel when sometimes you get home and you open the front door and there's like six amazon boxes. and for a second, you're a little ben affleck, right? but then i remember, oh, two or three years ago, my wife got me
39:38 a rotary, an electric rotary saw that you just hold in your hand and all you do is line it up on the seams of the cardboard box and squeeze the handle and it goes and it like races down the seam of the cardboard so one cut turns the box into like a flat and then just and then you've got like
40:01 six perfectly square or rectangular pieces of cardboard that fits so nicely in the recycle bin. what surface do you cut the boxes on? oh, you know, on the marble countertops and stuff like that. really? yeah.
40:16 doesn't it mess up the counters? no, because it's like you don't have to push it into the counter. you just hold the box freehand and then just run the saw down it. it's not a dangerous saw. it's like using a safer exacto knife. what is the primary, it sounds like an amazing case use for that tool, but what is its primary usage in the real world? i think it might be breaking down boxes, honestly.
40:41 i just what i do is i ask like i get a box from amazon. i whatever's in it, it stays open and i just throw it in a slot pile in the garage. see that i was gonna say i feel so much superiority over my neighbors when they have their garage doors open and i drive by their cars parked like all messed up on the street.
41:00 bird poop and stuff covering it, leaves, pollen, and then inside of their garage, like that's the amazon graveyard. what i do is just because i don't want to spend the time when it's like garbage day, i will just jump on the boxes to flatten them. i know the the thrill of jumping on the box, but i'm telling you in all sincerity, the rotary saw is even faster.
41:21 it's faster than jumping. and also sometimes you jump on a box that is like stronger than you expect and it kind of screws up your ankle. or instead of breaking at the corner, like it breaks next to the corner so you have like a very irregular piece of cardboard to put in the recycling. no, it sounds amazing. anytime i have an excuse to use a power tool, i use it. it's good. did i ever tell you about the time i had to cut down a tree? no. so i use, and i always get made fun of, but i
41:47 apparently in like dad life and homeowner life, there's a tier list of power tools. okay. and so apparently, i just like the color of them. so i bought them. but i use ryobi because it's neon green. so i guess as well, but that's that's a low tier buy. yeah, but it's like, according to who? i think according to people who actually use them.
42:13 so i had to cut a tree down and i called someone and they're like, yeah, it's gonna be like a grand. i'm like, i can do this. i can do this. so i went to home depot and i bought a ryobi electric chainsaw. okay. and did you buy it because it has the you can use the battery from the mower and the weed whacker and you could put that right into the chainsaw? yeah. so i got the weed whacker. so like it only makes sense. it's like we keep it in the family. right. you're in the system.
42:42 so i beat, i'm like on my way out and like the guy who sold me the chainsaw was like running after me with this bottle. he's like, hey, here's a bottle of oil you have to put in the chainsaw. and like in my head, i'm like, yeah, right. like this guy's just trying to upsell me.
43:02 because i'm like, that's why it's electric. it doesn't need oil, right? like if it was a gas powered chainsaw, i was like, okay, i think there's two different, uh, two different types of oil. i see what you're saying. like you're thinking of engine oil. yeah. that would like keep the pistons lubricated. this is more like, um, you know, lubrication for the teeth of the chainsaw to keep moving. well, i think,
43:29 yeah, so i was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. like, so i didn't do it. but i may have died because what happened, i ended up buying, if i did, i went on amazon and i bought like full length
43:44 chainsaw gear, helmet, pants that... forerunner? so i was covered but like when i started it without the oil i'm like okay something's not right but let's just let it go and then it would like keep kicking back and getting caught in the wood. i actually went back and got the oil but in full disclosure have you ever used a chainsaw? no.
44:09 it's probably like what you're talking about the boxes, but you feel like a caveman when you're done. it's the best feeling to destroy nature that needs to be destroyed. you know what i mean? i didn't enjoy destroying nature, but when you have to, it feels good.
44:29 think about that. but good game. i'm going to be honest. this went a little bit easier than i thought. i won the first leg. we got five gifted on the line, but now we're entering in your domain. i won pga. now i'm entering in your domain. what do they call disc golf? not the lynx. what do they call it? it's a whole ball of wax. for one thing, it's not called disc golf. i call it golf. and then what we just played, i would call ball golf.
44:55 because i don't want to normalize the idea that golf with a ball is the only, it's like the singular purest form of golf, right? what came first golf or disc golf? i would say ball golf probably came first if i had to get okay. but i mean, is ball golf the first kind of golf? no. what about a caveman eating an apple spherical object entering a hole food golf? this guy man, they didn't invent it.
45:23 bro, i'm like you in real life. just give me the putter and i'll win. that's what i'm, i legitimately, i still have not thrown one. but i threw a frisbee a lot when i was a kid. and i was saying i think i could throw a disc golf disc. what is that in? people were like that's 100. well, i don't know like it's like a thousand feet or something. but 400 is smaller than a thousand so i think that makes it seem worse.
45:50 you cannot throw a disc a thousand. you get a running start and then you get the perfect like wrist action when you throw it and then it like goes low and it catches the air and goes higher. like sometimes you're like oh it's gonna it's going down and then it goes up and it's got like another it's got another 90 percent man. bro is there professional disc golf? yeah and they don't throw it that far which to me means like they don't want it bad enough.
46:21 i don't know why they're they're nerfing themselves for some reason. check this out. this is serious ace potential. an ace is what we call a hole in one in golf. in ball golf, i should say. are you ready for this? yeah. i'm watching. oh, you're lucky. oh, you're lucky. we came very close to an ace. so you think you're going to do this in real life? i don't think so. but why not? you don't just pick up a disc and know how to throw it like this with all this sweat. you weren't throwing a frisbee around like crazy when you were a kid?
46:56 yeah, but it always go in like the letter c. no, no, no, i mean, a, that's not even necessarily a bad thing. sometimes you're going to want that to get around natural obstacles like trees unless you cut them down, paul bunyan. but i know how to throw a disc straight, man. i know how to throw a disc straight for sure. yeah, but these i feel like these aren't normal discs. i've seen these. well, these are normal. the frisbee is not a normal disc. a frisbee is a frisbee. these are normal discs.
47:23 why isn't a frisbee a disc? that's a whole ball of wax. i don't know if you're interested in getting into the drama. so if you play disc golf, you don't use a frisbee? that's right. i mean, you could. it would be something different. that would be frisbee golf, i suppose. which is what we're playing right here. this is golf. with a frisbee? with discs. a frisbee is a name brand. like kleenex. so we're playing tissue.
47:52 the difference between tissue and kleenex. dude, can i tell you something crazy? yesterday my kid got a boo boo, not uncommon. and then she said, you know, band aids are so good that even if they're not band aid, we call them band aids. and i went, that's true. sometimes a product can be like so popular it replaces the name of the thing and becomes the name of the thing. and i said, can you think of another example? and then she couldn't think of one. so i said, what about kleenex?
48:22 and then i got it because she then i didn't expect her to get one, but then she got another one. and i was like those are the only two i know. i'm trying to think of what the other one was. it wasn't chapstick. and i went, you know what? what the hell was that? it wasn't xerox, chad. i think i can't throw my disc out of the, can you see me right now? yeah, i'm watching you in the water. just soak it up. my legs are getting wet, man.
48:51 i don't think my disc can make it over because my disc touches the water on the way out. wait, does this mean i win this hole? i think you're going to win this hole. are they called holes? oh, see that's a tough question. i don't have an answer to that one. look, i'm gonna, i know you don't need it. i'm gonna, oh nice shot, i'm gonna co sign you playing disc golf as long as you don't start watching professional disc golf.
49:25 well, i don't even know where i would do that. so i think that that's that's easy enough. okay, who won that one? how do we tell one that one for sure? okay, three one pro. yo, oh no, i'm hearing i'm hearing that you've died. i my voice is back. i got comcasted. you think it'll let me reconnect? i would be stunned if it let you reconnect. oh, no. hold on. i'm gonna try. hold on. are you still in the game? i am still in the game.
49:58 okay, let me try typing the code. come on early access you can do this. given what i know about this game, i would be flabbergasted. unable to join. here, here. it's simple. i will set up another lobby. we were like nine holes in and we could just we could play from scratch. we could play zero zero. are you okay with that even though you were dominating? okay. i wasn't dominating. i was up by one and kind of throwing honestly. but we get a chance to clip farm off this.
50:31 i think i know the answer to this question. it's a it's a inside business fourth wall breaking question. do you have redundant internet at your house or no? so like if you if you have like two lines, so if one of the lines goes down, the other ones stays up. no, you don't know but i can understand the why you would want that. yeah. yeah. do you have fiber?
50:57 i'll just tell you my address on the stream if you prefer. i'll just tell you my address so you can look all this information up for yourself. you can't tell me if you have fiber or not? i'm uncomfortable with the line of questioning. why is your internet going down? now, why don't i just say something? why don't you just get better internet?
51:15 i was just trying to see if you invest in backup internet unless you have a dedicated fiber line that you don't want people to know about then it would make complete sense why you don't want to answer. the thing is i probably would have a backup internet line and my internet was going out four times a week during stream. that would probably be one of the things i would probably try to get sorted as soon as possible for sure. you can go first you have honors. imagine. it's so whole and wonderful.
51:52 i heard you, i heard you. i mean, what do they call ringing the chains? bang in the chain box. yeah, absolutely. no way. bang in the chain. my god. dude, he did it. holy cow. i've been trying to clip farm that hole for like three weeks now. he did it on the first try.
52:23 oh man, beginners luck, little beginner. that's awesome. i like to think the door is open on this one. i think the door is wide open, man. i think the door is wide open for you.
52:41 alright, so we're one one. wow, i squeaked that. sorry, i'm not, never mind. i have to remove that from my vernacular. i came to the realization, ryan probably, i was going through old voicemails. i left squeaks. i left him seven straight voicemails with no response. and i'm like, this is all, this is over like a year and a half. i'm like, okay, i wonder why he hasn't responded. i went back and i listened to every voicemail and i was roasting them in each one of them. so i've like, i'm on a,
53:06 i'm changing how i'm treating squeaks. so i can't say squeaks as a verb anymore. so i take that one back. seven straight voicemails is crazy too. i will say, how often do you think you call me? twice a year maybe. you make up, i'm gonna say 25% of the voicemails that i get annually.
53:33 from human beings. if you take out the voicemails that i get from a robot, one in four voicemails left on my mailbox by a human being is from you. do you get a lot of robocalls? it goes through like fits and spurts. there will be weeks where i get like two robocalls a day and then there'll be like two months where i get none, which i think is about as good as it gets these days. so, but the thing that gets me with these robocalls is i, they must know it's me because they're speaking chinese.
54:02 so that's the thing that'll really put you in a cold sweat is like how did how did they know who they were calling? so i had a robocall the other day on stream and i'm like i had like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. the angel just said, hey dan mute it, don't answer it. the devil's like answer it live and let's see where this thing goes. so i answered the robocall live online
54:29 and i leaned into it a little bit, i was buying what they were selling, but after about six minutes of work in the ribs, i got them to hang up on me. oh yeah. did they swear at you first? no swearing. so it was a girl who was trying to sell me a car warranty. she's like, yeah, i want to sell you a car warranty for your 2013 nissan.
54:53 right. you know me, you know me for a decade. you think a guy like me is driving a nissan? you're not tooling around in a nissan rogue 100%. so i said, hey, what color? and she goes silver. and i kept asking her a question about the car and she crumbled, man. crumbled like a... so this is a runner, right?
55:18 i think if you want a hole in one, it's probably not a runner, but if you want to 100% get it across the stream, it's definitely a runner. i have to do this. no, no, in real golf that would have worked. that would have skipped it across the stream. this is a straight shot, right? you just got to believe? well, it depends on the natural fade rating of your disc as indicated by the pin number. those four funky digits next to your mid range disc.
55:48 mean there's got to be a better way like this is like you talk about golf being not financially acceptable financially easy to play this is intellectually not easy to play. well, bro, you know, what's crazy? let me see if i could hold it up to the camera it actually has the numbers on the discs too. that's not just a video game thing right here it says this is the innova disc golf shark. it's a four four oh two so it's got a four
56:18 distance, a four glide, a zero fade and a two draw. and i'm gonna alt tab, i wanna see actually what it looks like in real life. i wanna pull you up, hold on. the yellow shark, okay, can you spin it around for me? how do you like that? no, okay, no, i'm saying can i see the other side of it? sure. like the back side of it. where are the numbers? where are the numbers? the numbers are right where my finger is, right here.
56:55 okay, now can you lick it? i mean, oh thanks for showing me. all right, all right. so you got a putter, a driver, and an iron? you got three discs in real life? yeah, it's not called an iron, it's called a mid range. although an iron disc, wouldn't that be something? all right, this is it. whoever wins this hole wins the whole thing. of course. we pushed. okay, no pressure.
57:24 are you are you going through king's landing? you're going right through wow. oh right. a little bit of foliage on this one. which i know is offensive for you. i know you're in your head you're thinking we hit the same shot.
57:48 they all one, one good power outlet, 16 hours to recharge it and one ryobi chainsaw and this place will be looking a lot different. mid range we gotta go left so i need forehand. a little bit of left here. 249. let's get this toast. it didn't curve! because there's no indication on the screen what did you get? i got a par.
58:32 you see, why don't you zoom in? why don't you zoom in mr. ryan gary? this could be a birdie to win the whole thing. i don't see, so when we were saying that whoever wins this one wins the whole thing, i thought we were joking. i'm gonna need to see a ledger breaking it down hole by hole because i kind of thought i had an insurmountable lead to be honest. you had a 4 1 lead and then we've pushed every hole up until this one.
59:02 sure, what the hell? yeah, why not? alright. i didn't make it up! i didn't make it up! i'm not making it up! dan actually up one? no, that's not true. dan is cheating? i'm not cheating! wait, i bogeyed one? he's up 4 1. this is the ninth hole. we pushed the last four. you know what? haters say it's not real. okay, let's take a look at the scorecard. yes. we did push three. he's not wrong about that. oh, so you won then. that's fine.
59:37 well, by the rules of match play that you have cooked up, you have won though. i just wanted to hear you say that. i need it. and the bonus of that is that it keeps me from having to play golf with your friends, which is a win for everybody.
59:55 i will say i'm a little surprised but i think just for good form, i think we should play nine more. nine more of disc golf masters. yes, we'll play another nine hole course. i'm up five four. because i don't feel good about winning a nine hole course. yeah, but then we can't do that because then if i win the next nine holes, then we got to play golf with your friends.
1:00:22 and then i'm gonna be out of time. because we're already like two hours into the game. oh yeah, good. okay, i'll take the win. wait, wait, wait, wait. okay. the thoughts on being bested at your own game though? well, it's interesting.
1:00:38 my thoughts about being invested in my own game are interesting because i did the field that i was ahead and then the internet went out and then i won by two strokes but lost according to the way that we show. so, okay, so why don't you just come on say we're saying so who won the challenge? you won the challenge. and i just want to just did. did you get a hole in one or did i get a hole in nobody got a hole in one you did get an ace.
1:01:08 ryan garrett, i know you got other stuff planned, but it was fun. thanks for playing the golf challenge. i do have to say i think the vegas odds makers were surprised by the outcome, but it was fun, man. thanks for introducing me to disc golf. of course, later, man. all right, say it, buddy. can i say something, man? you never piss more careful. can i say something, man? you never piss more careful. wait, wait, wait. did i get raided? screwed up the damn clip. thank you, daniel, for the raid.
1:01:38 um, i had dan stream open. he raided me. i heard myself and i had to perceive myself while being perceived. i'm going to be honest. it threw me on my game a little bit, but we're back. can i say something, man? you will never piss more careful than when you're wearing khaki shorts. you're locked in when you're taking it out. you're locked in when you're pissing and you're damn sure locked in making sure you get the last few drops out before you pop it back in. still not sitting.
1:02:06 we made a lot of progress on some things this year. i need to make sid in the priority. did you see the pro cs player that got fined for fixing his balls mid game? oh man, see i don't want to accidentally wade into the culture war and find out that they were doing something heinous, but the way you have phrased it, the way you phrased it certainly is phrased in such a way that could tick me off, man. i'm not going to be able to get the ball to the right place. i'm going to be able to get the ball to the right place!
1:02:37 because sometimes you just gotta, you gotta move your stuff around and there's nothing gross happening. it's kind of like when you have like a huge booger in your nose and you know you have to get the booger out but you just have to wait until nobody's looking to like pick your nose. every once in a while you're, they just get crossed up man and you gotta like uncross them but you gotta wait until nobody's looking otherwise you go to jail. like it's messed up what they're doing to our nation's men man.
1:03:08 seen any movies lately? thank you for the impetus to talk about the lego movie. my kid wanted to watch a movie last night. i said, how about the minions? she said, no, i'm not really feeling it. i said, what about the lego movie? i've never seen it. she said, sure, i'll watch the lego movie. but she was like, i know nothing about it, so i don't know if i want to watch it. imagine my surprise when they introduce chris pratt wearing a construction worker's vest and she goes, oh, that must be emmett. i thought you knew nothing about the lego movie.
1:03:37 it turns out you know an awful lot about the lego movie. i definitely think it wouldn't have been me, but i think i would have had classmates who if they were 12 when they saw the lego movie, it would have become their whole personality for like six months for sure. not you. i was never, i mean...
1:03:53 you're acting like i'm defending myself. people these days think lego is cool. if anything, i would be like, oh, that would have been me. i would have been doing creative stuff with lego if i was trying to misrepresent myself. i was literally just playing all star baseball 2003 instead. much worse.
1:04:09 thank you for the rotary saw tech. i have so many boxes to shred. i'm telling you, the rotary saw helps. you don't want to have a like shit's expensive, man. you don't want to have a garage, which you've essentially you're paying for or have paid for. and then just use your garage to store old amazon boxes that you don't want to break down.
1:04:28 take a little bit of time, get the rotary saw, break down the boxes, vow to never let it happen again in the future that they pile up so high. that is one of those things. i'm a firm disbeliever in the concept of it adds up, but i will say the boxes is one of the few chores that it adds up. nobody would collapse their boxes in the dorm. josephine, i'm learning a little bit about you. what i'm learning, i'm learning a couple of things. one is,
1:04:56 you weren't on the bike this morning, which was interesting to me because you've been on the bike on occasion. why you weren't on this morning i have to think about. but then also you're young enough that you went to university when online purchases were not only a thing but normalized so much that even essentially children were buying things online. my entire university history, maybe i had a roommate that bought one book on amazon once when we were in like the third year.
1:05:25 so this is, i'm trying to figure out, that doesn't necessarily mean you're like, you know, 21 years old, but it does put a certain cap on you for sure. like i can't imagine what the college experience is like if you're going to college and like there's a doordash driver showing up to deliver thai food to somebody in the dorms. i would be freaking out man.
1:05:43 the quintessential doordash experience, or not doordash, but dorm experience for delivery food is you go around knocking on everybody's door and seeing if anyone wants to get in on the chinese food order because the flat delivery fee is $2.50. so the more people that you can get in on $2.50, the less the per person cost for the delivery is.
1:06:03 and then you'd have people going through like their loose change and stuff trying to see if they could scrounge up like six bucks to get the chicken balls steamed white rice combo. because you're not getting anything with fried rice with spare change, even back then. even back then. but you might be able to get four chicken balls in sweet and sour sauce with steamed rice. steamed rice and gyoza? that's my go to? your go to, uh...
1:06:32 your go to asian food order is rice and dumplings. i mean, it's kind of like you didn't get an entree. you got a side and you got a starter. one of his residents cut his phallus off when he was tripping on shrooms and i had to deal with it. is that true? he cut his penis off? that's traumatic, man. he cut his penis off on mushrooms? the things that the coolest people of all time are telling me to do because it'll make me feel empathy for other people in the world?
1:07:05 get back in your booger box. librarian, justin is like, they're experiencing character growth. i can't stress enough, they're on the peloton rides. you learn something about a person when they're on a peloton ride and you learn a lot more the more rides they go on. it's not so much related to their tolerance for exercise, but sometimes they'll say something like, yeah, i just don't listen to my own music. i just tank the peloton radio. and then you have to be like, really? haven't you heard that one ksi song like 40 times?
1:07:36 another time a resident came to me because they were having a heart attack. they thought they were having a heart attack. it turns out they took edibles for the first time and they took a god dose. kids never should have stopped drinking, man. i'm not saying our ras didn't have to deal with problems, but they didn't have to deal with any, you know, induced psychosis like that, i think. mostly just calling biohazard to clean up like a bunch of vomit or urine or something like that. mcdonald's app kind of essential. unfortunately true.
1:08:08 i say unfortunately because i'm not delusional. i know the app is just giving you, not the cipher post, the app is just giving me the prices that the stuff is supposed to be to begin with. when i get a mcdouble for $3.75, i know that this is the price of what it should cost to begin with. i know the app is telling me that i'm earning loyalty points, but the loyalty points are necessarily priced in to the, oh, to the price of the good. but when i get that sandwich,
1:08:46 ignorance is bliss. don't put me in a bubble! when the papa bucks hit the wallet. you know, i've been giving papa john's too much credit, man. common story. you know what sucks? it's nice when the papa dough hits the wallet. you know what's not nice? when they're like, hey, some papa dough left the wallet because you didn't use it fast enough. the hell do you mean my money expired, man? when you crunch the numbers and you realize you're essentially getting like 1% off.
1:09:19 so i feel i don't know if this bit is too localized to british columbia, but basically when you when you break it down the brass tax almost every rewards program in canada is just 1% of what you spend comes back to you either in terms of cash or reward points and they might gussy it up they might instead of doing like hey for every dollar you get a point they might do like hey for every dollar you get 10 points but then everything costs
1:09:45 10 times as many points. so at saveonfoods, you get a dollar for every point. you get a point for every dollar that you spend at the store. and then the way that you redeem the points is it'll say like, hey, frozen fruit is $8.99 or $6.99 if you redeem 1,450 points. and then you're looking at it and you're like, i think they've actually cornered the market.
1:10:14 because now you never want to use the points because you're like it's not worth fifteen hundred dollars to save two dollars. so instead you just never use any points at all.
1:10:26 and you just, they always go, you want to use your points to save money on the bread? and then you go, how much is it? and they go, well, it's 3000 points to save four bucks. and then everyone goes, no, that's ridiculous. i would never, and then they die with like half a million dollars in save on points in their account. daryl, you are a motherfucker, man.
1:10:49 i'm wise to your fucking game, but i don't know how to beat you at it. i don't know how to beat you at it. at least sometimes at mcdonald's you're like, well, okay. it's probably 1% cash back, but at least the 1% manifests as like a tasty chicken sandwich from time to time. it always feels better to get something for free than it does to just pay a little bit less money, even if functionally speaking it's the same. like engineers will be like, it's the same thing. and real thinkers like you and me,
1:11:18 they know it's not the same thing. one of them feels better. things feeling better, it feels better. is this the farthest he's been? what the fuck? you know who you're talking to, right? you know who the fuck you're discussing things with? you know whose chat you're in? you know whose irc app turned into unicorn billion dollar net worth startup channel you're on right now? it's northernlion, y'all. i've been to the cosmic ocean.
1:11:51 i put the eggplant on the pedestal in spelunky 1 when you were still learning to spell your name! by the way, no amber alerts last night, which was a nice respite. but same car alarm, same car alarm that went off a night before, went off at the same time, but just, i still got a good sleep, don't get me wrong. i'm not complaining too much. but it got me thinking about, like sherlock holmes style, it got me thinking about what could possibly be the reasoning
1:12:21 why one person's car alarm would go off at the same time. life comes at you fast. i looked at the two balls and i said, well, anywhere i stand, i'm in trouble. well, what would be the reason that that car alarm would go off at the same time two nights in a row? and there were a couple of things that i thought of. here's one guy who lives in his car using his car alarm as an alarm clock.
1:12:50 has to wake up at 3.45 to get to work. so he just said, fuck it. i can't afford an alarm clock. i'll just use my car alarm. doesn't really make a lot of sense. another one is a thief that tries to rob the same car every day at the same time. wait, that's huge!
1:13:15 badly set up sprinkler system that's triggering someone's car alarm in the morning. wait! see, you are an actual thinker. that seems very plausible to me. of course, i have no means of knowing if that's actually it, but that seems very plausible.
1:13:34 the other thing i was thinking is like maybe person who gets confused and sleeps with their car keys next to their alarm clock so when their alarm goes off they just start hitting every button on their car keys and accidentally set off their car alarm earthquake every day at the same time. interesting, that's another possibility. i can't deny that it's another possibility. anyway, this it seems like they've figured it out because the first night that it happened
1:14:06 it took them like maybe five minutes to shut off the alarm. and then last night when it happened, although i guess at this point in my life, i'm the type of guy that should be calling 3.45 in the morning. they got to it in like three beeps or something like that. so they're obviously they're aware of what's happening as well. 3.45 is bedtime. yeah, if you're like not cool. your idea of like being cool is like, i guess like staying up late.
1:14:37 playing guild run which it could be worse. let's be honest could be a lot worse or if you're a streamer. that's true. i mean going to bed late is kind of okay if you're stupid and you forget that it also means you're gonna wake up late if your prefrontal cortex is not fully developed yet and you haven't yet figured out the relationship between going to bed late and when you wake up
1:15:04 then it's actually good because you're like bro it's literally free real estate it's more time alive going to bed late equals less time asleep equals more time alive the end but waking up past and i'm being a little generous here if i may waking up past 10 am feels bad unless you have a good reason for it like you're not a nurse but maybe like a like a video game streamer or something like that like if you were having a heater stream
1:15:34 and you stayed up until five in the morning. like, obviously, like, of course, you can't just stop an awesome... like, if you had a treasure train or whatever going on. no, you can't stop that in the middle. otherwise, you should be able to get to bed a little earlier than that, i think. ask squeaks about dan's voicemails. uh, no, i'm not gonna clip farm my friend squeaks. maybe i'll ask him, like, uh, hey, you've only got an extra two bucks in your pocket. are you getting tortilla chips with your chipotle order, or are you getting guac?
1:16:04 cuz it's so, i mean, you can learn a lot about someone from a question like that. chips easily, but the chips, i guess you could just dip them in whatever salsa came in the burrito bowl. yeah, maybe chips are there, maybe i don't need to answer, maybe i don't need to ask him that question, i should say. maybe you've answered it for me. i don't even like guac, easy answer? what time do you go to bed, by the way? i'm just, i have a pet theory. my hypothesis is that people who don't enjoy guacamole go to bed on average.
1:16:41 much later than those that do. guac needs salt or it's not very good? oh really? you think food needs salt to taste good? we're breaking new ground on twitch.tv today. we're answering the kinds of questions that nobody wanted to ask. the things you were too afraid to admit you didn't know you knew. oh shit, i forgot about this bullshit. we can do this. just gotta wait a second. fuck it. ah!
1:17:37 it's over. that guy does have a curb and i gotta die? okay buddy, okay, okay. you fell and it's my problem. whatever you say asshole. that scared me so bad. real quick, what time do you go to bed? 9 a.m. how many fictional wives can i obsess over before it's problematic? so when you say fictional wife, i'm thinking like betty draper from mad men.
1:18:06 but what i think that you're thinking is like a fictional character who you want to be married to. in which case the answer is obviously zero. i mean it's always like a stupid question. there's a stupid question around these parts. come on man, you can't be saying you're gonna marry like an animated character. yes you can.
1:18:32 well, i'm not gonna normalize it. why don't you go back to your fucking hug box where it gets normalized then? because i'm not gonna normalize it. you go to whatever subreddit or twitch community thinks that it's awesome that you are talking about an anime character like you're gonna marry them and have kids with them and start a family with them or something like that. around here, i'm not gonna play into your twisted fantasies, okay? yeah, link them to my wife's chat, exactly.
1:19:01 you go to twitch.tv slash lovely momo if you want to get coddled or we'll keep it real in this bitch. if you're going to marry something fictional at least take it all the way like lars and the real girl. well i'm here. open up the app, practice a little bit of chinese real quick i guess.
1:19:19 ta xiang hui jia. ta xiang hui jia. he wants to go home, bro. that means he wants to go home. yes, i got that one right. what about this one? wo gong zuo tao liang tian. that's i worked until two. yes, i got that one right. oh, this one looks a little bit longer. so it looks a little bit. give me a second here. was i?
1:19:49 did you forget your wallet at the park? yes, i got it right. yes, yes, yes, i did. yes, i did get it right. okay, i'll go back and have a little rest. thank you. yes, yes, i did. yes, i did get that correct.
1:20:22 what are you doing? what are you doing? what did you do? you know what? i'm going to give myself a yes on that. i'm going to say i did my best on that one. how do you say the doctor's almost here? let's see. ready? here's the big reveal.
1:20:56 i want to buy an airplane ticket. i want to buy an airplane ticket. that's right. that is fine. damn it, right? like this is what it sounds like. what's up, y'all? what's up? that's how your normal mic sounds like? yeah, does it sound bad? no, but like maybe you were moving. maybe you were moving in and out. okay, wait, maybe i wasn't facing it. it's like one of those joe rogan mics. does this sound better? i think so.
1:21:23 no, it sounds bad. i'm gonna get a new mic, i swear. i can hear it. it sounds good! it sounds the way you normally sound. what does that mean? it doesn't sound any worse than it normally sounds. no, now i need to change who i am. forget the mic, i can buy that. that's fucked up.
1:21:42 squeaks i didn't realize that you got terrorized by dan gheesling and i feel very bad for you every single day for the past three years. he leaves me with voice messages it is it's beyond i didn't even understand. he's got a problem. yeah, but is this like normal behavior? for him this is pretty normal
1:22:06 but he leaves me voice messages that are like 10 minutes long. oh my god. 10 minutes long? yeah. yeah. and he's just doing all of his bits and stuff. i had to stop responding after a while. i felt bad. and then he's like, bro, you went hollywood. it's insane. there's no way.
1:22:26 there's no winning against this guy. you went hollywood? that's what he said. i went hollywood. and then he did a one voice message yesterday apologizing for his behavior. that's so funny. would you call that a midlife crisis?
1:22:42 for dan? yeah, for the past four years. yeah, 100%. he's going through something, i think. since we were talking about that, i will also have to add, i was giving ideas to dan for like a collab stuff. like, hey, dan, i think it would be fun if we played this together and stuff like that. and dan actually hit me with the zzz emoji. this was a big deal in our house when the zzz emoji hit.
1:23:09 not just once, like he would just like, he would just react to my message. and i was super genuine about it, right? it wasn't just kind of like smack talk or anything. i was just genuine. i'm like, i think i have a great idea. i think this will be really funny. and then he just reacted to my comment saying zzz. and then i'm like, okay. like there was nothing else, right? and then i was like wait, was it the emoji or did he actually type zzz? like it was just the emoji. like you have a reaction that you can add on discord?
1:23:38 oh he didn't even respond, he reacted! yeah he just reacted zzz what was the idea? i wanted to play co op splunky 2 with him and he just hit me with a zzz
1:23:54 no, that's my show. and then i said, okay, well, i mean, it's like in my mind, i'm like, okay, i guess it makes sense. it's an old game. so maybe he wants like, he's gone hollywood. that's what i'm saying. he's totally gone hollywood. it actually pisses me off. i even mentioned like a couple more stuff and then he both of them, he hit me with the zzzs with the same reaction.
1:24:21 wait, he's you know, he better treat us well or he's gonna lose us. that's exactly right. wait, so is this was this game ever in early access? i think it was demo like it was demo for quite a bit like long ish time.
1:24:37 because it sounds so familiar. like i feel like people were playing it for like a year ago, but apparently it came out yesterday. oh, cool. so it must be about being one of our nation's heroes. a nurse who works the third shift. oh, yeah. statement. you're so brave.
1:24:57 you guys didn't say so true after that? i can't open notice. it's just too low hanging fruit, you know? like i would respect it more if you're like, nurses overpaid, huh? i got in a little trouble with that one. but they've had it too good for too long. yes. well, you know someone is underpaid if people like act like they're heroes. it just means their employer doesn't want to pay them more. no. i remember the flyovers during covid.
1:25:23 i'm still... you're not banging the pots at seven o'clock every night still? no, no, no. nothing changed for me. they're still doing the same thing. i still want them to know my appreciation. have you played the barking game yet, squeaks? the parking game? the bark... the barking game. oh, yeah. have i played the barking game? yeah, i played the barking game. i don't know what you installed on my computer. my computer has not been running the same.
1:25:49 it is. it was humiliating to play that. i played it for 20 minutes. i basically lost my voice and someone was stream sniping me. and we're just barking. it was nonstop barking. how come nobody linked it to me? no. it was horrible. i implore both of you to play it. i think there's an actual mmr system. there's ranked barking.
1:26:17 and then i'll do the i do have to do the barking game. i lost a bet. i don't even like what? i don't even i don't even know what i'm cl bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow. what? i won! i'm gonna go mad, dog.
1:26:50 woah woah woah! bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark
1:27:26 get fucked. thanks for the mmr, bozo. no one else is playing? what is it downloading on my computer below? wait. is it translating what i'm saying? okay, florida boy.
1:28:01 oh, my mmr is higher, so... holy shit. i am undefeated in bow wow. i am actually undefeated. moopunky, thank you! woowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow
1:28:39 one tapped! dude! you got one tapped! oh my god! give us your best howl. ohhhhh! woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah
1:29:12 wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub
1:29:30 hello wait, can you hear i can't hear and now they can't hear me. i can't hear me. they can't hear me. you're mudded. oh
1:29:57 can you hear me now? yeah, yeah, yeah. okay, awesome. are you on the right mic? i was on the wrong. okay, well, turn me down. i guess that's what he sounds like. you know what? i'm not gonna turn you down because you're just gonna scream. i think i gotta turn my fob down a little bit though. well, 120 might have been a little much. shoplifters will be prosecuted? no way you can read that on my screen is just blurry. really?
1:30:28 yeah, yeah, it's blurry. how do you read that? what do you mean? it says shoplifters will be prosecuted. my resolution is 1442. how are you saying that? i don't know what to tell you, man. it's just chat. am i crazy? it says what it says, man. it says what it says. if you get further away, it's easier to read. if you stand where i'm standing. yeah, i can make sense of will be.
1:30:56 but definitely the first line makes no sense. i see prosecuted now. wait, wait, wait. you guys are fucked up. i'm so freaking high. what does this say? what does this say? what does this say? which one? this one right here? red, red sign. yeah. no, no. that one, that one i can't read.
1:31:20 oh, so you're just making this one up. i see. well, there's contextual clues. you can say anything. you can say anything. guys, use the trash bags to throw out the limbs in the storage room, mop the blood and restock the incomplete shelf with boxes. isn't this is so night shift coded? like what the fuck were they doing during the day, man? this shit's supposed to be clean. i gotta proof the damn bread so we got 500 foot long italian herbs and cheese for tomorrow.
1:31:47 customer interrogation protocol scan their id to open their profile on the computer ask them questions about these details always trust the computer database if you spot any inconsistencies or lies locate the gun underneath the counter and shoot it says complete the tutorial first best part of the job right there we're waiting for the manager to come and let us start doing the real work. am i right? okay, i
1:32:12 oh, whoa, we got a fella. naked man. i think you got to come to the computer and then click on his occupation and then he will tell you he's a sheriff, which is good. oh, because we're checking. yeah, yeah, yeah. we're making sure he's legit. so we live in like a police state right now. we have all their information.
1:32:31 and really, i don't know why he's not allowed to buy a couple of beers without lying but is what it is. this is just kyc in the finance world. and anyone that's not asked him, make sure you ask him about it cuz i can't give him his goods until everybody's completed the tutorial.
1:32:50 okay, okay. you're free to go. there we go. yes. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. i'm sorry. i have to see if there's friendly fire. you could have shot yourself. holy cow. hey there. long night at the hospital. it's a nurse. nl. okay. okay. okay. heroes don't charge her anything. occupation nurse.
1:33:18 nurse at county general has been a long night often wears glasses um she's not wearing glasses oh my god what happened she's not wearing glasses so i thought you could take off glasses i never realized i just wanted i thought what the hell okay sorry i'll put it away i'll put it away she turned into meat man she turned into meat
1:33:48 she wasn't wearing glasses, i thought she could be a monster. i mean we didn't get punished so i think maybe you did the right thing man. maybe you did the right thing. what the fuck? what's going on in there? we got some product. oh we're getting more product. oh cool. use the traps if the store comes under attack. someone called saying their car is not working but they sounded really scary down the road.
1:34:12 maybe we should all go. so i'm gonna go alone if i mean you guys come with me i'm actually, uh, i don't know it might it sounds like a trap. yeah, yeah, yeah here i'll come with you. you bringing one of these? yeah, good idea. oh yeah. good idea. i'm always pointing at it. shoot first, ask questions later. what the fuck?! my gun's jammed! my gun's jammed! what the hell?! my gun's been jammed by vines!
1:34:35 help! help! help! holy shit! close the door! close the door! it's automatic! it's just gotta move away! oh, it's gone. we did it! wait, i can't even take the god out! wait, we're real pros. i think we handled that perfectly. really good stuff. oh, man. oh, wait. i need to kill her. why? did somebody kill her? why? her occupation is plumber, but then she said her occupation is flight attendant. whoa! whoa! she took two! she took two!
1:35:07 yeah unrealistic uh... she ran, she tried to run! you're not allowed to switch jobs i guess. so... we didn't even question if our info was out of date, but it's all good. i'll get some trash bags for flesh. you know, at least changing job takes longer than taking off your glasses, you know what i mean? true. this guy's huge! she tried to run. she tried to run. it's really funny.
1:35:34 insurance. what's, that's a, whoa, okay. all right, buddy. like. i mean. are you judging a person's body? i mean, listen. just let me know when. i handle circuitry. wait, wait, software dev. okay, maybe, maybe. does it say he's like 6'4", 180 pounds, 2% body fat?
1:36:07 that's just his dating profile. i think. slide acne forward head posture. we accept this transaction then? i think so. i think so. there you go brother. poor bonnie. no. it was the glasses. it was the reading glasses. no, she was a nurse. how are we supposed to know that?
1:36:34 dude, and we're just talking about respecting nurses and it was all rhetoric. and then you killed her over our protestations. no, no, as i recall it was she's supposed to be wearing glasses. dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, looking slowly at me. it was implied. the hell this doesn't belong there. you okay, man?
1:37:05 he's drunk. oh, he's three hate plant or he's high. i think he's like high on weed yeah, it's like have you like, you know, have you seen public venmo transactions like people put this like plant emojis he's retired generally dirty how about a mustache? oh he does have a mustache. hmm. maybe we could ask him about his general movements. oh
1:37:38 i mean, he's kind of, i mean, he's drunk. no law against being drunk. oh dude, jade change. jade, jade in the photo she's white, but jade and person are black. let me see this. let me see this. who wants to take this one? i'm going to deal with the products.
1:38:10 you needn't be suspicious. i merely underwent human puberty since that camera captured me. just wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. don't shoot her yet. let me get the trash bag. all right, go ahead. oh, get her! get her! oh my god! wait, i think that was good. oh my god. oh my... oh, the generator. oh guys, i need everyone. i need everyone to be here. okay. oh, okay.
1:38:38 oh, okay, but what's gonna happen when we come back in? oh my god. oh, what the hell is that? wendy we gotta kill this guy you think so yeah i don't have a gun
1:39:03 i don't have a gun. i don't know what happened to my gun. wait, wait, what is this? watch it. whoa, where did that come from?
1:39:35 can someone take it off? my inventory is full. i got two mops in my inventory. is this guy okay? he's in really good shape. i see his abs through his shirt. that's not normal? i don't know. i'm falling in love with this guy. does he have dirt under the fingernails? i mean, i'm not gonna let me look. i mean, i don't know. his hands are dirty.
1:40:07 okay, well he's supposed to be short but he's tall. he's really tall. and then i said how come you're tall? and then he said i met with a wizard and he gulped him up and now he became tall. that could be true. magic is wild, man. i don't know how that works. aren't you gonna shoot him because he's tall? what do you think about this guy? you think you can charge him before we kill him so that we can make more money? everybody's money is valuable no matter if they're a monster or not. exactly. did we kill him? money talks bullshit walks.
1:40:36 we kill him or not? we kill him? kill him, kill him! oh! barry said please don't kill me. oh, guys? yeah? yeah? come back here. there's a... back near the trash. okay. can we shoot him? what is this? oh shit! yeah, i don't... what is this guy? can we kill him? oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh
1:41:11 wait, she's bleeding man. she's making more blood or no, maybe that's the meat on the counter. the body of the last customer. let's see. no, she's dripping bro. she's dripping. she ain't right. she's dripping blood. i don't know how to. it's just the time of the month.
1:41:35 that's why she's buying pinball. yeah, go ahead and i'll shoot her. i don't have the gun. make a statement. i think she's cool. what's wrong about her? she's dripping all over our store. i think so too. so what? bro, this is an alien. are you sure? she's dripping all over the floor. hey, come on. come on. huge. huge. huge.
1:42:01 do we need to make money? we actually have to have some transaction today. there's a little wizard. there's a little wizard. he seems chill man. he seems cool. this is how i think ghibli is. it's so true. this is how i think ghibli operates. i'll handle this one. i got this guy. is he gonna steal? get the gun ready. why would you say that? like what would make you say that?
1:42:31 yeah, that's messed up. i'm sorry if we had to if you had superpowers you wouldn't steal come on. oh, whoa. whoa. whoa. hello, i'm norbert is that all for today? he thinks he runs the place. he's doing it classic norbert. classic. what is he doing man? scan unsuccessful fake id.
1:43:02 alright, man. let's just shoot this fucking oh, body block, body block! oh my god, he's invincible! when he's stealing all of our stuff! oh, good. he took a lot of shit too, man. fucking orber, man. wait, maybe we needed the money, we need the money. his name's ryan, of course. fantastic.
1:43:24 no, but wait. oh, this is a different person. okay, here we go. ryan holt scanned successfully. occupation. yeah, checks out alive. born in 1967. that's huge. he seems good, man. he seems good.
1:43:41 no, that's like. here's the thing you don't want to talk about farts in a place where people buy food. you know what? you do what did you do to me? what the game devs know you? you know what i'm complaining a char. this is bullshit. oh can i actually uh?
1:44:07 i would just say if we're gonna gamble our shared funds, perhaps we should get three people's approval on it. he's right. he's right. i'm afraid for anyone out there. wait, wait, wait. what the hell? oh, we're rich. i want a new hat. i cannot stop winning. what the what?
1:44:33 i broke a bottle over the back of your head. oh my gosh. that's so loud. oh, do i cannot stop winning. cheers. i'll drink to that. whoa, i'm extremely motivated to work. oh god, guys, don't the back of the room. he's back and he's really close. the scary fucking cloud.
1:45:05 how close was he? do not go back there. i'm warning you do not i'm not just dodging the trash out. oh oh mouse stop my god you can catch where where where oh i caught it whoa what's going on? i just i guess i throw the bow wait. there's a good squeeze. oh, don't go back
1:45:36 there's a squeaks clone in the store. what? there's a squeaks clone with a blue shirt. wait, he's handsome. what did i do with the mouse? i guess i'll just keep it. there's a monster, i killed him. but how are you gonna take out the bodies if the clown is out there? i don't know. that's right, man. that's right, tyler. can i just shoot the clown? i got us restock. i see what you're up to, tommy. he seems all right. is he good? he seems okay. can i shoot him?
1:46:09 i think he's good to go. damn, he bought a lot too actually. reloading. wait, wait, wait. there's another. wait a second. i guess our stuff is just that good. no, no, this is a different guy. i saw both of them. all right, man, you're chilling my world. you might be an alien. you never caused me any damn problems.
1:46:40 wait, you let him go? oh, here's a mouse. i think i by the way was for sure a monster. no way! a hundred percent. a hundred percent. he checked out. he checked all the boxes. i think he just forgot that he bought stuff. he was probably high on something. he had the plant next to his name. i saw them both. he's a clone. he's a clone. well, one of them was a clone, but i don't know. you guys notice we made a fuck ton of money today with me on the register. yeah, we're rich. excuse me?
1:47:10 my god this person is, what the fuck? generator? i don't think so. my god ryan you guys the entities better look we don't have time to play the blame game. what the fuck do we do? the entities laid traps, barricade doors. emergency weapons arsenal. how do we get? how do we? if it ain't one thing it's another. you put a bear trap on me.
1:47:45 jesus christ, does anyone have any damn boards? we didn't lock up the bathroom, the bathroom's wide open. we're going up the bathroom. we're going up the bathroom. we're going up the bathroom. you have to come back the other side. here, come. not this one, this one, this one. this one, right here. there's one right here. i'm bored of getting out of cover. oh shit. oh shit. oh shit. oh, what the fuck? jesus christ.
1:48:34 he's stuck in there, he's stuck in there. oh, he's dumb. how you guys doing? still alive? damn, he's dumb. we did it. ow!
1:48:54 oh my god. easy bro, too easy. can we just talk about how ryan fucked it up real hard? a hundred percent. i told you that the second guy, a clone he had to be. he didn't have to be the first guy could have been a clone. and then it's like, i don't want to punish the second guy just cause the first guy got me. you say good game. we go again. oh, i had to search the data. the first tommy was a doppelganger.
1:49:20 oh my bad guys, my bad. you're right! it wasn't hey wait yeah it wasn't i didn't even let howard through! i wouldn't even let howard through! oh, um, guys you're gonna wanna see, uh, back of the store. no. okay. like, is he back? you know our customer? oh shit, he's gonna kill the guy? yeah, i think oh! i'm i think we've all been killed? no? oh my god. well, okay, no problem.
1:49:53 get this, get this off here. get this graffiti off of here. holy cow, squigs! why would you do that? no way, i feel bad. you can't pick it up. i feel so guilty. i feel so bad. making mess?
1:50:27 asshole. all right, so far so good guys. some supplies for the beach.
1:50:54 yeah, yeah, okay. it's not warm and sunny. do we interrogate her about it? well, she's got the same outfit on in her id, so maybe that's just how she rolls. whoa, guys! what the hell? all right, that's awesome. what were you doing? what were you doing with the naked lady? that's awesome. she says she's a cop with seven piercings. okay, wait, let's count. one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. yeah, she's having piercings. wait, say that again.
1:51:28 don't do it. she checks out man. i think are you thinking logically or are you? she said she said she's a cop. she said she was she has seven piercings. she said she was born in 1969. she's good. all right. all right. i mean, i don't know if you think you've done due diligence and then we can light her up. yeah. yeah, man. this is a man on a mission right here.
1:51:56 how did i end up on the cash register again, man? i think i'm gonna get embarrassed. oh, the gnome selling lemonade outside. oh, look at this guy!
1:52:06 i drank his lemonade
1:52:36 i don't know if i would recommend it. why would you do that? why did you do that? to be honest with you, i'm not sure if i would recommend it. but i like this guy. i don't know about the move. why is it dancing? i'm going to shoot him. why? why would you do that? we shot him last time. we have to beat norbert. we know norbert is a doppelganger. oh shit. he's going.
1:53:06 shine on oh watch out. oh, oh my god. he almost got hit by the car it's a fake gun
1:53:36 he was doing a youtube prank show, i think. dumb ass. you've reached the find out part of fucking around and find out, right? yeah, he's dead. there's no one to find out. good job. real just you did the fuck around part. now it's time to find out what finding out is like. it's this guy. it's our first customer ever. yeah, clyde's chill, bro. what was that? i heard like a mustard bottle getting squeezed.
1:54:07 wait, this guy just used the bathroom without buying anything. let's kill him. okay. oh my god. he's shit all over the bathroom. did he really? yeah. yo, you killed a customer. oh no. oh no, ryan. no, no, no, no, i didn't. no, i didn't. oh my god. oh shit. dude, klein was a doppelganger. board up everything, same spots. get in, kiddies, get in! get ready. i got find a corner and let's hide. no shooting.
1:54:48 oh my god guys i have alerted it i'm so sorry bro it's spitting out babies what the fuck are you doing squeaks you can't squeaks were scampling squeaks was scampling but the entity was here yeah yeah good idea good idea here i got you who's scampling? that's big that's big why the fuck are you gambling to me? i'm pulling i'm pulling aggro
1:56:54 whoa, what a fucking spin. jesus christ. what did i win? what did i win? idiot. you're fucking crazy, dude. i don't know why you guys are gambling, man. we only have seven coins now. yeah, but we have so much cash. we have so many hats too. the hats are through the roof. wow, what a day of work, huh? crazy nurses just have to do this.
1:57:29 it's that guy who just shit in there and then he threw us off our game. yeah, he threw us off. yeah, i knew it was bad when i heard it. i'll say i think someone popped open the mustard. that makes so much sense. that was the guy. it was sick. i think our rating was five. five out of five. let's freaking go. okay, this plant isn't doing all the heavy lifting, though. let's freaking go. i'm trying to put the flashlight back, but they don't want it back.
1:58:05 oh, you're such a suck up to the boss. well, i just don't i mean, how would you feel if you drove into a gas station? there were a bunch of flashlights on the ground. who gives a shit dude? we're getting barely paid. we're being attacked. bro, i gotta throw this garbage out or the boss will be mad. it's actually mine. i brought it from home. you brought your own mom from home? yeah. it's my favorite mom. excuse me? oh shit, let's go drink up bud.
1:58:34 let's cheers cheers cheers. oh shit. yeah, oh we should drink before work if it gives us a boost okay, i thought you guys be excited one who was the human we killed we killed was it the dude who shit all over the bathroom? oh?
1:59:07 oh my god, of course the naked lady was a doppelganger. whatever. yeah, you horny men. you're the one whose eyes were popping out of your head. oh, show up at all, it's blood bleeding rain. jesus. is that normal here? ew! it's like the monster from majora's mask.
1:59:37 that's the guy, that's the guy! don't shoot, don't shoot, don't shoot, don't shoot! no, no, he says displaying this corpse will help us ward off doppelgangers. unemployed scar on her left cheek. can i get a check on this?
1:59:51 yeah, a scar on her left cheek confirms. not that cheek, squeaks. i didn't say that. i'm wiggling my fingers. i'll inspect. november 9th, 1963. sorry, it's actually september 11th, 1963. you gotta go.
2:00:15 damn, i like her. i'm just concerned that we're not killing anybody without we're going vibe base. no, she answered the questions right way. what do you want me to say? she answered the whoa, this guy's sus. look, he's drifting. so he's sick if anything, he's cool. my he tried to jump the line too.
2:00:41 he seems alright to be honest with you i got medikit, i got extra health so everyone should have 125 instead of 100 yeah, i bought a sledge
2:01:07 wait, it grows, it grows. what do you mean? it's so huge. it's actually, it's enormous. whoa! whoa! you took 50 of my hp. oops. oh, okay. oh, damn.
2:01:36 oh no. i'll be right back. there wasn't a painting bro. that wasn't a painting man. oh wait what the paint? there's a painting in there now. yeah? paint this. i say. i was trying to miss you. husband harold huh? okay. i think we shoot her. one second i'm just checking her out.
2:02:18 i'm just ch what? mother fucker. you get the calhoun. always spends exactly $13. okay, that checks out. lonely widow?! um, wait a second. wait just a minute here. oh yes, i forgot my husband's actually dead.
2:02:54 i must be a bit tired, silly me. would you say you're shooter shooter shooter dead tired? that was awesome. look at that, look at that cleanup job too. holy cow. we killed some baddies while you were gone. yeah, there's something about like, a lonely widow. retired nurse. yeah, retired nurse and lonely widow so far is only been the two kills we got. holy cow!
2:03:30 she seems nice. does she have silver hoop earrings? yeah. does she have a fading rose tattoo on her right thigh? no. no? no tattoo? no. no tattoo. oh, you've been looking closely, huh? okay. now i feel like a freaking... wait, are you making that up? wait, no, no. she has a tattoo. she has a tattoo. she seems legit. what, she doesn't have a sad story enough for you to tell her?
2:04:00 she's young and hot, she deserves to live. she's got something to live for. you know what? it didn't say we let doppelgangers through though, so that's a dub. kate, are you here? kate, why do i keep hearing our door open and close? the door to our house. the person had to use the bathroom. oh, okay, that's no problem. as long as it's not the entity. come and get me, you sack of shit. yeah, yeah, come on over. oh! kill him, kill him! gun arsenal is open.
2:04:53 blast them away man is powerful where's our beers oh get to the real bus don't talk don't talk don't talk don't talk did he get the
2:05:36 why did it take you so long to get to the bus? i was in the wrong bus. i was getting cozy. i was on a seat. took out my phone. i like the idea of you guys waiting for me. it felt nice. wait, inventory slot is huge. she's hungry. let's question her on that. you're hungry.
2:06:14 craving human flesh oh shit oh killer killer no way we didn't ask her why well it's bad either way like what if she just had like what you've never thought anything bad in your life we're not all innocent now we're freaking policing people's thoughts craving human flesh oh i think he's cool yeah yeah i think it's chill do we still have the flamethrower
2:06:47 it's only when the monsters attack us. yeah, it's part of our emergency system. holy shit! what the fuck? bro, i can't get back into the store! right! hello! oh, it's foe yuck, it's the fucking guy. oh my god. classic norbert. you can't park here, norbert. let me see what his emotions are like. his emotion is muhahaha.
2:07:18 blue station wagon. this guy's a loser? it's next year's model. he's gotta go. maybe can we just kind of say you can go? holy cow, what is going on there? holy shit. okay. seems good. this guy seems good. that's not a station wagon. we already shot him in the head three times. what do you want me to do? impound his car too?
2:07:56 she ain't moving right. she ain't moving right. she's? she seems fine. in the chunky white belt? why is she dressed like what was that? well, she's dressed like she's from 2004 and it's only 1993. she's dressed y2k in 1993. that's not sus to you? she's an innovator. okay, apparently it's not okay to be fashion forward. does she often repeat questions back when answering? find a reason to kill her, i dare you.
2:08:24 trust me, i'm looking. i'm looking, let's see how she's feeling. let's pull out the polygraph. she's insecure. she says she's not gonna answer that question. i can't see a reason to shoot her.
2:08:53 the fuck is happening. why did you do that? he left a shit stain on the fucking wall, bro. no, it's just the lids. there's rotting limbs in the back of the store. there's rotting limbs in the bathroom too. oh my god. bro, he shit on the floor. we gotta get every hat. bon, that's nice. did we pick up the board? that was you, i didn't hear you. good job, good job, man. sorry. yeah, yeah, we'll clean, we'll clean.
2:09:29 i got it. i'll get the mop. do you like it? do you like the new hat that we've unlocked? yeah, you do have the big tongue. bring it up. you guys can lick each other. we check the boss. i'll check it. i'll check it. i'm not scared. guys, mecca chameleon in here.
2:10:10 in the side room, metra chameleon here. oh! see? i'm always looking out. okay, okay. she's looking at me. i'm shooting. i'm shooting. oh my god! i shouldn't have done that again. holy shit, that was crazy.
2:10:40 what the hell? i told you she wasn't human. it wasn't my fault. what? welcome to work idiot. i'm ready to... accidentally... to the judgement hammer. i had the alt tab to mute something i accidentally started playing the trailer for the game, but i thought it was in the game and i got scared shitless, bro. yo, yo, yo that lady's leg is weird. yo, yo, yo that leg is weird. joe? joe? looks alright to me. maybe that's just...
2:11:13 yeah, no way man. no way man that ain't right. you got a shooter. well, let's see what she has to say in her own defense. there's a story. oh, so she was born with a right leg shorter than left leg. can i get a check on that? i caught the guy who's stealing dude. right legs right leg is definitely shorter than left leg. i don't think we could just just barely just barely community college student. i mean, okay. so now i feel like an idiot cuz i'm like she checks out man.
2:11:44 i mean she's not a doppelganger, right? she's drinking the gas! what the f you killed her? you think that teacher's gonna die anyway? i thought we're in america. what's wrong with that? she's made for it. she's not gonna do whatever she wants with our product. did they tell us that a lady was coming today? right leg shorter than left leg? is this the same lady with the leg? this lady's leg is shorter.
2:12:12 yeah, but so was the last lady. so was the last lady. yeah, but then you let the leg lady go. how do you know which one's the doppelganger? no, no, no, she's leaning and she's leaning. look at the heels. she's just pointing her toe out. i think she's a doppelganger. that leg is fucked up, bro. no, no, no. she's just doing it. she's just doing a bit. look, she's just on her tippy toes on one. doesn't it look short? it looks short. it looks like it's
2:12:41 she's doing a bit, it's like clearly a bit. i think we have to kill her, right? i could do that, i could stand like that and it looks shorter. look, her knee is pointing out too. there you go. look her up, look her up. i have my own method. okay, fine, you know what? my god! what? the kitty's gotta eat. 100%. i was looking her up. i think it's a gotcha. they want you to think that the one with the really long leg is the doppelganger. how do you stop them? she stole!
2:13:15 i can kill him! talk to her! how? should i shoot her? i'll shoot her! blaster, blaster, blaster. oh my god, oh my god, you guys are killing customers! yeah, i got it. wait, wait, wait, stop that guy, stop this guy! this guy was stealing. wait, he just wants something to eat. okay, okay. no, no, no, i got one. eat a burger, buddy, you got a 12 pack. okay, i guess this is how we're running our store now. no humanity. balding. interesting. he's balding?
2:13:50 then we should kill him. yeah, he's done. well, no, no, no, let him go home and maybe he'll kill himself. i think this guy checks out. ray alive. wait, wait, wait, but isn't this ray? ray roland. that guy is not different guy. but he has like a really long neck. ryan. he does have a really long neck. like really long. oh, wait. yeah, you're right.
2:14:26 he did that himself. how did she evade me? martha. bucking up for my two little ones. okay, now here we go. mother of two. lee and ken. mother of two. i'm not gonna see her for very long. what's her last name? there's only one though. there's only one. i don't think she is a mother of two.
2:14:58 i'll ask her about it. she's getting the names wrong. she's getting the names wrong. okay. well, okay. here's the thing. you can stop them. she's definitely a doppelganger, but let's try something. okay. bring her up, take her money. then when she walks out, bam. bang. okay. interesting. let's see if it works. that's crazy. so we're willing to take money from evil people. yeah, they completed their transactions, but
2:15:29 then they died. i just think that's interesting. i think we should just kill everyone. this is messed up. and now the kick. let's light him up. let's light him up. oh, he's up. oh, weapons are open. he got uzi. i've never felt more ready. are we gonna kill him or? yeah, let's let him know. why am i on fire? why am i on fire? why am i on fire? oh, it's the looking guy, looking. sorry, it's apprenticus. i'm down, guys. i got down.
2:16:18 okay, okay, where are you? buying a beer? i'm down. oh my god. i'm down. i'm down. damn, you lit him up. i did, i just went fucking crazy there. did the trap kill you guys? no, i lit myself on fire a hundred times. i think we're done, right? yeah, i think we're done. i thought that was, i thought we were gonna all die. i was scared. boom, jackpot! so he's really cleaning it up.
2:16:59 huh? you know, i'm cleaning up at the casino is what i'm cleaning up. i mean, what do you mean? i just turned one coin to ten. i do want to see how we screwed this up though. what do you mean? you literally went out and just killed so many people. yeah, that says we all shot just like some people for no reason. i feel like...
2:17:23 no shitter died though we let everyone shit in our place. human being shit, aliens don't shit. alien shit? everybody shits. not brown. you mean aliens can shit brown? i told you her left leg was extremely elongated beyond anything human. okay, so they're asking me to be ableist. they're basically asking me to be ableist.
2:17:48 and i told you the other person was human! wait! screech was right, his neck was abnormally long! i told you! he was a freak of nature. it was like, like so slightly longer than the average person's neck. i mean it would be so crazy if we killed him but we didn't kill the abnormally long leg by the way. like we our philosophy is so flimsy by the way. it's just how we're feeling.
2:18:19 wait, wait, wait. is it because the first doppelganger was a lady and the other guy was a bald male? all that said in her profile is right leg is shorter than left leg. it checked out. it didn't say by two feet. it didn't say by two centimeters. like, what are you supposed to do? and they didn't even talk about ray's neck. the bald guy didn't even have anything about the long neck. no, i was just staring him down. he got the heebie jeebies.
2:18:46 i did. he gave me the ick. i got the ick from him. we almost beat the game. we do. it's like only five nights left. is that a zombie? i think that's it. did i get you? did i scare you? you should play the barking game. i think you'd be freaking out. you're already pre gaming. oh, damn.
2:19:21 okay, okay. thank you. and then tomorrow we're playing games together again tomorrow. yes, and i haven't used my haptic suit yet, so i'm excited to try it. yeah, make sure you get it up to 200. 200? does it just vibrate or there's no electricity in there? it's like a kinetic blast. does it just vibrate? have you ever seen black panther?
2:19:45 yeah, of course. you know how his vibranium suit absorbs kinetic energy and then channels it into a power that he can unleash? yeah, so it vibrates. yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah, it vibrates. okay. so it vibrates. great. okay. well, yeah. well, i'll see you guys tomorrow then. later. later, gg. chad, i'm going to send you over to my wife's stream and i'm going to eat some lunch. enjoy yourself. and i will be back tomorrow.
2:20:15 it's that simple. goodbye! you got your balls, you got your dick pied up in knots like a pretzel stick who's got their cock in you, my friend? into my mouth it comes again sweet like candy, glaze my hole sweet you are, i'll lick your soul
2:20:46 what are you that's gay dave matthews. or as i call him, dave matthews, my friend whose sexual preference is immaterial to me. crash into us and we'll come into don't bite the mailman is that not polly dave matthews? i don't know brother, it's a complicated world these days. if you're living in the world today, you'll be hearing the shit that dave matthews say
2:21:22 people that front, we don't have none. so we blast them, all right? well, okay. that's what i'm talking about. lgbtq dmx. i was gonna bark like dmx, but i was gonna take like a stereotypically effeminate dog bark instead of like the aggressive dog bark that he normally does. i was gonna go like, yip, yip. i don't think the world's ready for that yet.