You have to get worse to get better (Spelunky 2)

Name: You have to get worse to get better (Spelunky 2)
Uploaded: 2026-07-25
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "You have to get worse to get better (Spelunky 2)" (Spelunky 2) — 58 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-07-25Spelunky 2

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58 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 this is why spelunki's the goat, man. that's why olmec's still the goat. that's why i'm still the goat right there. do you see that? guide to the agro crag. holy fuck, i wanted to be on nickelodeon guts when i was a kid, man. ride that fucking tricycle around the outside of the arena. feel bad as an adult. every once in a while, you'll see a clip from nickelodeon guts and it's obvious they didn't wait until everybody understood the rules to start.
0:48 so red team's got 40 points, purple team's got 27 points, and then blue team has one point. they don't understand you gotta put the ball in your own basket, you're not supposed to put it in the other team's baskets. it's a little bit like twitch rivals in that sense. do you have it? i think i would have, i mean, i'm not saying i would have won. i think i would have done fine on guts back. i think i would have put in a respectable performance for my age group, dated.
1:38 sometimes they'll have eight year olds going up against 12 year olds. yo, but low key that's kind of like what it's like when you have your kid in like sports and activities and shit like that. you'll be bringing your three year old to shit and then there will be like another kid who is i don't know like four inches taller than them and can like write perfectly like has good penmanship and then you're like how old are they and they're like they're only three and you're like there's different threes man.
2:05 is that a january 1st 3 or is that like a november 25th 3? because there's a big fucking difference. like you got to realize when kids are starting kindergarten some of those kids are like 20% older. they've lived 20% more life on earth than some of the other kids man. and when you get up to like you know the 12th grade what is like 2% maybe something like that. but when you get up when you're
2:34 talking about like a quarter of their life. that's crazy. so my advice to you, let's say you're like six months pregnant right now. you're having that baby. oh, that's bad for you. you don't want to be having that baby in late october, november, something like that. you got to hold it in. you got to hold it in january, january 1st for he's a good jolly good fellow. as soon as you hear old lang sign, push, push because that baby
3:04 being in the the ghost is coming i'm realizing, but that baby being in the womb for 13 months, they got harvard written all over them. although it's different in the us because i forgot you guys don't do we in in canada we're crazy, we're crazy. our the kids that are in kindergarten go from january 1st of like
3:29 three or four years prior to december 31st. whereas in america, the year starts on september 1st if you're in a school. makes a lot of sense. they just do things better back down there. give me some paste. i don't need the ropes. we had that farm shit going? yeah, yeah. you were the only country on earth with agriculture, i think. if i remember correctly. i don't like being called out. well then, don't say something like that's because we had all the farm shit going on, bro. you got agriculture everywhere.
4:20 not all over canada, but surely in like north battleford without a doubt. nah, sorry yang. i'm look wait, you bring turkeys to yang? for some reason, i looked at him as the place where you steal turkeys from. thank you. and if you bring him all the turkeys, he gives you one item? kind of a fucked up deal in the whole scheme of things. only now you realize that? aw hell naw, it took unk 90 minutes to realize that
5:19 the turkey salesman is actually, he's in the turkey market himself. man, this is embarrassing. how many turkeys do you think a jet pack is worth? i'd rather have one turkey than one jet pack. 100%. i don't want a jet pack. would it be cool? the concept of a jet pack is cool. i'm sure when you get used to it, it's as mundane as any other miraculous form of transportation, but also feels that much scarier.
5:54 by the way, can you help me out? is this the is this the oojat i down here? no huge. w chat. i feel like a jetpack like it honestly doesn't solve any any problem for me that i have in my life. and it possibly creates a whole host of problems. like we got people in the chat who are like, i don't know how to ride a bike. who are like, but a jetpack would fix me. no, it wouldn't bro. you're gonna obviously die in a in an explosion.
6:36 it's gotta be like a licensing bureau or something. you just don't get, you don't think about it for more than half a second. my friend won't even ride one of those e scooters and he wants a jet pack? okay, well that's like smart but dumb. because he shouldn't be riding the e scooters. not riding the e scooters is very smart. they've started to issue warnings in vancouver that were like, please don't ride these and if you ride them, please wear a helmet. because people keep, i mean not to make light of the situation, but people keep dying by
7:15 not even like getting into accidents is like too passive of a voice to use. they keep dying by crashing into a car like they're t boning the car. and then like their head is hitting the pavement and they're dying in the hospital as a result of that. so they had to issue warnings that were like we'd prefer if you didn't use it but what's crazy to me
7:45 is that there's all these like e scooter injuries and not once have i seen anyone eat shit on those like one wheels. and every single time i see one, and it used to happen a lot more, like 2021, 2022, 2023, those things were ripping around vancouver. but never once have i seen anyone eat shit on those. even though you would expect that they'd be eating shit on those way more than they'd be eating shit on e scooters. reed almost got the better of me, man.
8:21 blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their fucking blunders. i'm always saying this. pope alexander type shit. that's bad. or is it fucking fine? you take the guns away, i'm more dangerous without it than with it.
9:12 you gotta start learning chinese idioms. i will say i'm very excited my app has started teaching me some chinese idioms, but i don't remember the pronunciation for them at all right now. it is funny how like idioms in a different language have a, they just have a different feel. like the one that i learned on the weekend was like, bad medicine may yield, bitter medicine may yield positive results. and i was like, oh fuck, what kind of genius came up with this?
9:46 oh, the skeleton and the skeleton key. no, thank you. the mountains are high and the emperor is far away. that's what i'm talking about, man. the great wall of china is very long and also very tall. how far is the bund river bank? waitang li douyuan? chill, chill. he doesn't know we're here. at least somebody's got to stop the leprechaun, man.
10:32 i'm the black market. spooky, spooky ass location here. it's here somewhere. okay, let her rip. huge, huge, huge, huge, huge. now they're gonna be a little bit fucking pissed at me cuz they have no life. but honestly, i'm the type of beast to make that their problem. slay them all. okay, daenerys.
11:26 all those kids named gru finding out they got named after a villain. that's not great. oops, nothing feels better than learning the chinese new year sayings than ulting in front of some aunties when they give you the red envelopes. dude, i think honestly i might be the belle of the ball at chinese new year this year. i'm dead. they're not gonna expect a fellow like me to go, hong hong, sir, sir. they're gonna be like, what the fuck? has this guy been chinese the whole time?
12:17 that's for french grandmas? okay, fucking bonne fête à trois or whatever. all right? milne nous sont quatre vandies neuf. take one of those and call me in the morning. you got four months to come up with an alt? chinese new year's... chinese new year's oftentimes in february, okay? you gotta be listening. you gotta wait for rua for that, okay? most of the time. it's usually on super bowl sunday, okay? you can't be saying that shit on january 1st. you're gonna look like a guailo. like me. watch this.
12:57 i mean that one, this seed just felt bad to be honest with you. did you pick an nfl team yet? i haven't even picked a name for my fantasy team for this year. certainly can't just be team northernlion again. it's my second year in the league. i gotta step up a little bit. made the playoffs last year, got a little heat on me. gotta think about it. viking super bowl lock this year? oh yeah, but you guys gotta start nine. you can't be starting jacoby brissett or whoever you're gonna start. who are you? or uh, kyler murray. you can't be starting kyler murray.
13:45 kyler murray, not the future. the past, bro. i don't care if he's better than jj mccarthy. you have to start jj mccarthy. he's the future. i'm in a real nfl team. i don't really care because i don't live in the united states of america, i guess. i'll just watch whoever's on.
14:13 yeah, he's the future of ass. okay, first off, your team picked him, so don't be mad at me. secondly, it's not like kyler murray's gonna hit a growth spurt or something anytime soon, so buckle up. take it from somebody that had kyler and marvin harrison jr. on the damn squad last year. it's gonna be 17 weeks that are gonna, it's gonna feel like 4.25 months, let's put it that way. mogged. cardinal stack is crazy. i literally got fleeced. i can admit it now, i got fleeced.
14:52 i think there's a very important lesson there. i had three rb ones. i had jameer gibbs, kenneth walker iii, and kinshan judkins. and my rb and my qb were poor. so i said, you know what? i can afford to give up something at rb, pick up something at qb and wide receiver. i got fleeced. hail is all this time. it happens. how'd you make the playoffs? nevertheless, chidoor persists, man.
15:27 kinshan jadkins. that's right, man. that's what it's all about. yeah, i guess i'll get crushed and killed. fair enough. you running it back with gibbs this year? well, i gotta see what pick i got. i think i learned something about the superflex leagues. last year was basically like when you start playing a fighting game and your friend doesn't teach you that there's like, you know, some spam that's tough to defend. the last year,
16:06 nobody said, hey, it's superflex, make sure you take two good quarterbacks. now that i know how to avoid the newbie trap, this is like the first real year of fantasy, i would say. also, i came second in the podcast league, so don't put that evil on me. only apollo was able to stop me. you have pick number two this year? damn, that's a lot of pressure. you know what, this one just doesn't feel right. who's, who's?
16:40 number, the number one overall pick is it still gonna be jameer chase? i feel like there's a reasonable chance i might have, it'll be gibbs? really? chase or gibbs? i mean i might, i don't want to give you my draft strategy necessarily but i almost feel like because it's superflex
17:05 being able to take josh allen off the board with pick number two, i mean it would certainly, it would fill one of the holes i had last year. but then i'd have to plug the whole rv cuz i'm not picking again until like 18 or something like that.
17:18 come on, man. you don't get it because we did the same argument every week last year. in superflex, qb is important. i understand in your bullshit default yahoo fantasy league where penalty minutes count for the same as touchdown passes, qbs are underrated, okay? or they're overrated, i should say. when you're running two qbs a week, you gotta have at least one anchor that you can put in there all the time. i forgot how to kill this guy.
17:58 okay, now we're locking it. every time you lose in spelunky on a real run, you get to just throw like three down the down mid just to see what will happen. also, you don't even need three good rbs for super flex. you need two good rbs and then to be unemployed so you can play the waiver wire and after like week two it's like some kid out of ohio state is actually going to take the number one job on the saints. and then you just make sure that you pick them up on the waiver wire at the end. okay, bullish sign. you know what? i didn't really feel this one either.
18:46 okay, run it back, run it back, run it back. now we lock in. i just love this song. i really love that soooooong. i love that soooooong. you're not winning as long as you're yapping? well then we're not winning bro. i'm not compromising who i am for nobody. not least of which for derek, you. huge. delivered itself like a smart baby. people are often saying like, why don't you just not talk so much? it's cause i got shit to say bro.
19:58 i got a font of interesting observations bro and it won't go. it's in my head and it won't go. emphasis on shit? oh so you don't poop. you think pooping is a bad thing. are you from a country that's presently undergoing a cyclospora outbreak? because that's about the only situation in which i could see that that makes any logical sense. the shit in the poop is poison.
20:31 when you haven't pooped, the poison is in your body. when you've pooped, it's out of your body. getting poison out of your body is bad? make it make sense, bro. fuck it. cross the plane. we do it this way. we do it this way so we burn one more rope for no reason. can we get a fiber update? you can, but there's really nothing to update you on. i've been putting maybe a scoop and a half of metamucil into my morning smoothies, and it's, i mean, it's had the effect that you would expect that it has.
21:24 i would definitely recommend if you're still not on the dietary fiber train and you have any issues at all in the bathroom, fuck it or in the bedroom. do it up man, can't hurt. i don't know if it's like medically proven to hell but it can't fucking hurt. it's all connected probably. 19,000. you know what? cost 20,000 man. cost 20,000 or i could just kill him and take it.
22:07 now jump back to the blow up! oh! it's filled with explosive fuel. of course. and they want them whipping around to the grocery store. yeah, no thanks bro. no thanks. maybe don't fight the shopkeeper every run? maybe you should shut your pie hole and bring me an egg salad sandwich. how do you feel about that? did i own you? that's got a sting to hear. maybe shut your pie hole and bring me a caeser salad.
23:02 watch this. oh, it fucking almost worked too. are we really to believe that this caveman saw us through a layer of wood? that doesn't seem sensible. that doesn't seem like it makes any sense at all. bro, i've stayed at the fucking polynesian resort. it's more soundproof than you'd expect for being made out of wicker. you do hear the fucking families waking up at like 4 a.m. to do the rope drop.
23:43 you do hear the families of eight waking up at the crack of dawn and like giving all seven of their kids a bath so they can make it the rope drop. i can't deny that, that's 100% true. not reading all that? it's just someone blaming me for them watching bubba hotel, which is crazy. because like i don't think in my life i've ever said, wow, that's a must watch movie. it's got a certain, i mean if you're a big bruce campbell guy, then it's something you gotta see. but if you're just like a normal film viewer,
24:24 i mean of all the things that i've said about movies, to go straight for bubba ho tech is kinda like user error for sure. not gonna kill him this time? unfortunately his goods are too shitty for me to be motivated to kill him. it's literally a compliment if one of your customers kills you or tries to. it's an insult if they buy something and leave. i didn't say you made me do it?
25:09 i think you did say you pulled the kelly clarkson. you said because of you. i never stray too far from the sidewalk. it's gonna make it hard to get around in the us kelly. i don't know if you've ever been to like cranberry, pennsylvania. you won't be you won't you're gonna be calling an uber then. i'm okay. huge. what the hell i've lived there. everybody's been there and i don't mean on vacation bro. although i was there on vacation. watching my friend get married.
25:55 california? god, it'd be so good to do a fucking joni mitchell impression. i don't know, joni mitchell strikes me as a pretty good singer though, i'm not sure i got the chops. where the hell is my ujat eye, denny? i'll use a bomb. look at that. she's not a great singer? she's actually an amazing singer and an even better songwriter. better than you. she's more jacked than you! this way. you pretend to be her in the shower.
27:06 bro, i can't sing in the shower. if i sing joni mitchell in the shower, my wife's gonna hear and think i'm sensitive. this shit's dangerous. don't play around. i agree she's a phenomenal songwriter, but i can actually sing better than her. get it twisted, buddy. in the joni mitchell versus hambuster 2 talent competition. i'm putting the house on joni, okay? now, i don't know. maybe you're trained classically and contemporaneously, but i do think it's kind of a crazy statement.
27:49 she is an incredible guitarist. she's beating the fuck out of that guitar, man. i read on wikipedia that she was the only woman included in rolling stone's list of the top 100 guitarists, which is like funny, not because she's the only woman, but very funny because she's the only woman that rolling stone named. out of a hundred guitarists. huge. name a woman. um...
28:45 name two female guitarists. hang on, i'm busy right now. i'm gonna say joni mitchell and um... you know, i heard japanese breakfast at the bouncy castle indoor playground the other day. whatever gen z they got making the musical playlists at the indoor bouncy castle play place in vancouver, they're kind of ripping it up. i heard um... i heard b sweet by japanese breakfast.
29:20 and then they played all believe in anything by wolf parade. obviously maybe like, i don't give a fuck if they discovered it through heated rivalry. like what was supposed to be born like 20 years earlier? out of their hands, man. i mean, i got it done. i guess i just wanted it more. huge, huge, huge. okay, buddy. so you're gonna kill me. you're gonna kill me cuz i whipped you twice. but you're literally, you're supposed to work for me. but then also l to the person who works at the,
30:03 bouncy castle because my kid was having a good time playing with a balloon that she found on the ground and then she said did you guys bring that balloon from home and i went no we found it on the ground and she said i'm gonna have to take that you're not supposed to have balloons in here okay i mean i'm not gonna i'm not gonna kick up a fuss but apparently you're not supposed to have balloons at the indoor playground where you jump on big balloons but sure all right fair enough and then my kid went i don't know i think i'm done
30:31 thanks a lot. thanks a lot for that. i get i know i guess i'm not the boss. i don't make the rules. yeah, but can you exercise a little little cushion of humanity here? let's do some common sense. okay. she did say fuck this place. i took her to the white spot. you bet by the way, huge dub for me.
30:59 at fast casual sit down family restaurants, my child has stopped ordering the pasta entree. why is that a dub? because the pasta entrees are almost always long pasta that kids my daughter's age require a little bit of assistance to eat and makes them messy as fuck. now she orders the damn grilled cheese, a much more independent meal, much less likely to get a bunch of tomato sauce all over her bespoke outfit. huge for me. and i don't know, man, i think i'm
31:33 i mean, changes are, he got fucking sent man. that was like that old dude at yellowstone that got hit by the bison. did you see that? that dude got sent to the moon. he just got jacked up. i might become the guy that just whenever i go to the fast casual restaurant gets chicken tenders man. i swore off him for so long. and i'm literally ordering the chicken tenders last weekend cuz i was like fuck it. it's been a long week. give me some chicken tenders and fries.
32:06 it's like, wait a minute. this shit is peak, man. perhaps i've been a little too hasty. just don't call them tendies. even worse, i have to say some shit like, and all have the chicken dippers. like they're not even described by like how they taste or what was used to make them. they're described by like the verb that you do when you eat them, which is crazy. i'll take the chicken dippers with plum sauce. and then they always like, listen,
32:47 they always go, fries okay with that? when you order adult food, they go, and that could come with fries, garden salad, caesar salad, sweet potato fries, onion rings. when you order the chicken dippers, they go, fries okay? it's a very perfunctory question. you already, you knew in advance that yes, fries were gonna be okay. you knew i was gonna get fries with that, obviously.
33:11 i'm not one of those people that's gonna come in here and be like, okay, i'll take the give me the chicken dippers and can i swap the fries for like a minestrone soup or something like that. that's obviously not gonna happen. side of boogers. you know what, jusfin? you're kind of winning me over. and i mean that genuinely sincerely. because this this booger thing is just i've stated that i don't think it's a good bit.
33:42 and you have just continued to persevere in spite of that. and i actually think that i have more respect for it as a result. i'm not being facetious in the slightest. and also, you have become a real person in the sense that i now see you on peloton rides. and even in spite of being a real person who is not just a mere chatter, you're sticking to the booger bit. so i gotta assume that there's... what does this even do?
34:14 i gotta assume that there's something deeper cooking up there. oh, i'm not fucking with that. that's a little... he does it when you're not around? are you saying he'll surprise you sometimes? he'll come around when you're down? we're gonna need this, man. i didn't say that? yeah, because you probably don't know shit about interpol. if i had to guess. i played guitar hero?
35:02 turn on the bright lights was in guitar hero? i got out after guitar hero 3 legends of rock. it doesn't get any more epic than being a legend. oh, pda was in it. i'm gonna pull you in close, gonna snap you with that one. that's obstacle two? shit, i'm a fake interpol knower. fuck it, bro. maybe we belong in the volcano.
35:50 i got suckered into buying the aerosmith one. i mean, that's not your fault. that's just what, i mean, guitarrio had a stranglehold on us. they had us being like, yeah, maybe i'll spend 60 bucks to buy an aerosmith, a game that's just full of aerosmith songs. i bought the beatles one, but the beatles one was kind of peak, because you get the fucking, the harmony on the mics. sheeeeee, and then your buddy comes in, in nine beers deep.
36:18 we've waited most of our lives as having... something in sight that is always alive for so many years. hey bro, wanna come over and play some rock band beatles? maybe cry a little bit? maybe suck each other off? have some fun? dude, that's the perfect shot for us. bye bye. don't reach out and grab me, odell.
37:01 it's like this. and then if you'll do me, can i pick you up? what a good reason! fuck, what a fucking game. for taking your friend, for taking the easy way out. you alright? come on man. i need, i need, i need you over here bro. oops. sorry. did i do that? wait, i can't fucking do this shit. i'm gonna be here for hours. fuck off. alright, that's more like a chicken sound. oh great, a skeleton key.
38:03 ooh, she was a daydreamer. that is not how the song goes. sunday snoozing, yeah. so that'll give me the beach boys and free my soul. damn. diamonds. da da da da da da da. okay, nice try. i'll stop you before you say it. no, i haven't seen mile end kicks yet. one day, man. one day it's gonna happen. goodbye. i really thought i was slick.
39:13 once bidden, twice shy shit? so does nl kind of suck at this? yeah. yeah, yeah, nl kind of sucks at this.