i cant let you sucrose - Bits and Banter [07⧸16⧸2026]

Name: i cant let you sucrose - Bits and Banter [07⧸16⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-07-19
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "i cant let you sucrose - Bits and Banter [07⧸16⧸2026]" — 189 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-07-19

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189 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 i'm not mormon, magrassa. i'm not mormon. do i have the beard? no, i don't have the beard. i'm not rolling up local restaurants and storage facilities under a private equity umbrella.
0:14 you're thinking of amish? it's a different beard, okay? the amish beard, we all know what the amish beard looks like. there is a certain american southwest but minus california beard. california obviously got its own thing going on. the american southwest, and keep in mind i'm talking to my own demo here, i'm talking about middle aged men, there's a certain sort of like
0:38 funky hawaiian shirt, close cropped salt and pepper beard. hey, i found a doctor who will give me a prescription for testosterone type of guy. and 15 years ago, the guy did not exist. but now it's every guy! it happened so fast, man. you close your eyes and then the world has changed. have you seen the odyssey? guys, come closer. come here. i found the odyssey online, bro.
1:07 i found it online. yeah, yeah, you know what the most fucked up part is? i found it on fucking wikipedia, bro. there's just one thing. i downloaded it and it's a pdf.
1:20 so i think it might be one of those things where you gotta like change it to .divx or something like that. .mp4 if you change the file extension is right there man. it's leaked by some dude named homer. capital h lowercase o, capital m lowercase e, capital r, three z's on the end. thoughts on digger? i thought the trailer looked awesome. i'm hoping that it doesn't do a
1:49 well, listen, i'm not trying to like execute mickey 17. it has mickey 17 energy, but i hope it lands the spaceship a little bit better than mickey 17 did.
2:00 it looks like toothless satire. i mean, you watched basically like a music video and then you're saying this is the politics of this are all fucked up. you don't know man. you haven't seen the movie. no disrespect. i mean, you're gonna now we're gonna have a conversation about the trailer that's 10 times longer than the trailer. like i'm not doing this joker podcast recap thing where the movie is an hour and 45 minutes long, but then the podcast is like 10 hours long. we're just not going to do that.
2:27 you saw mickey 17 on the peloton? yeah bro, yeah i saw it on the peloton. that was not even in the upper half of movies that are crazy to watch on the peloton, not even close. very easy movie to watch on the peloton. jacob's ladder up there? not even close. jacob's ladder is in english. you know how many cantonese movies i've seen on the peloton squinting at the tiny ass subtitles?
2:50 nah, you're gonna turn me into chib. people who don't even exercise are like, here's how i'd watch movies on the bike. okay, buddy, stop larping. no disrespect. no disrespect. i mean, you could do it. if you were to do it, you would have done it by now. i mean, you could do it tomorrow. ain't nothing stopping you. why are the rules different for me than they are for you, buddy? the only difference is i'm not telling you how to live your life. i'm showing you how to live your life, okay? and you've seen the egoraptor video essay on mega man x. that's better.
3:18 i don't have $3,000 bro, so why are you telling me to buy a tv? ain't your money bro. you're watching the wrong puckets. also, you literally don't have to pay to the gym. just jump over the turnstiles on the way in. i don't see the difference between watching on a tv and watching on the phone. rare nlw. yeaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
3:43 he literally said he can't read the subtitles. no, i can read the subtitles. they're just tiny. your people are fucking up my air, bro. well, yeah, two things about that. we're fucking up our own air too. you ain't special. also, secondarily, well, it's kind of your fault that we are spending 10 times more money on national defense instead of like forestry management. so like take it up with your boss, bro.
4:04 i need an answer of national... i need an answer to my previous question. it's of national importance. i feel like this could be very devastating for either of us, man. let me see what you wrote. i'm hoping it's good. if it's why aren't you at streamer university and you forced the issue, that might be the end for us, man. would you rather walk in on your partner in bed with five shaggies or one scooby? king bjornopolis, we already did this, man. we did this like three weeks ago or something.
4:33 we already did the podcast bait and then i discovered that it was podcast bait and i was a little bit chafed. i'm not gonna lie to you. i'm so sorry i missed it. but you forced the issue. i'm not gonna ban you. it's just it stings a little bit.
4:53 because now you know what's crazy is that like the podcast is also like probably what six months old or something at that point and you're like holy shit i'm the first guy who's ever thought of this. you are going to be asking me about dinner with jay z soon. it's it is really funny with no disrespect to say it's of national importance. i think it kind of is of national importance in the sense that if someone ever said someone ever said one scooby you would be like
5:24 get this guy out of here. get this guy out of my nation. it's very important that this guy is removed from my nation. would you rather never eat meat or never eat fruits and veggies? bro, i literally went through this yesterday. i took my kid to the park. she was like, can you ask me would you rather questions? you know what's fucked up? every would you rather, i was like, would you rather infinite ice cream or infinite pasta? you know what she said? or. i said, you can't do that because then you're not making a choice. and she said, i am making a choice.
5:54 i'm choosing, i'm getting hushed because i don't want her to hear but she was doing the ponytail thing, the ponytail guy with the bluetooth earpiece. i reject the premise of the question. but then i was like, well, i don't really want to do this anymore. she's like, ask me some more. meanwhile, she's climbing the monkey bars and i'm going,
6:12 he's just like me while sleeping. can i tell you, by the way, woke up this morning devastated. 25 sleep score. i'm not going to put up my graph because it's like it might have some personal information on it. but i slept, it says, okay, slept from 9.27 till 5.33 a.m. actual sleep time, two hours and six minutes?
6:40 so it says i entered rem sleep.
6:43 for like 10 minutes and then apparently i was awake for two and a half hours and then i got a little bit of deep sleep and then i was awake for like three hours and then at 3 a.m. i got a little deep sleep then i just don't exist. from 2 48 a.m. until 5 20 a.m. they don't have any data on me. i'm not awake or asleep.
7:11 the graph just doesn't have anything, it doesn't have any data. and then at 533 when my alarm goes off i'm in rem sleep. one hour, two minutes of deep sleep, 28 minutes of rem sleep. awake for three hours and seven minutes? that doesn't feel right, man. that doesn't feel right. i don't think i was awake for three hours and seven minutes. i felt like i slept pretty well.
7:38 i'm a little tired, but i'm not like destroyed the way you should be after two hours of sleep in eight hours. i am starting, i am wondering if this is how i find out i have sleep apnea, but there is also like, i just don't think i have sleep apnea. the only symptom of sleep apnea that i have is bad sleep score. i'm not saying i don't, i'm just saying i don't think that i do. kate says i snore like once a week.
8:07 and also like she would be an expert because usually i fall asleep like one to two hours before her. i almost caught you today but good race. when the dude who beats you by like 100 watts says i almost got you. what's up with this? the bmgm. what's up with the you'll be scary next year? not my full 90? not my tempo. king bironopolis, i'm sorry you're on soft timeout today. you can chat but i am not
8:33 i'm not reading any more of your messages even if i'm tagged in the message. it's just with the shaggy and the scooby stuff, you're on... i'm putting you in the jon hamm episode of black mirror where you're wondering why i'm not reading your messages and it's... i forget what happened in that episode. he might have been a bad guy and they like shadow banned him from the society or whatever, but only for the rest of the stream, okay?
9:00 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. first time watching live. i love watching youtube. love hearing you mention calm fior and his aquiline nose. he's actually my uncle. so whenever you mention him or his movies like bonk hop, bad cop or 32 films about glenn gould, i laugh so hard. i'd love it if you include him in movie to movie. yo, next time, it's a shame that canada day weekend has already passed. if you see your uncle on thanksgiving, tell him that i think the 32 short films about glenn gould might be the best canadian film ever made.
9:30 just make sure that atom egoljan is not there. because i don't want to... because he's going to be like, what about the sweet hereafter? and i'm going to have to be like, i haven't seen it because it's... i mean, i think i got to be in the right head space to watch that movie, to be honest with you. but it's going to be awkward. well, he's going to be like, what about speaking parts? and i thought it was pretty good, but there's no 32 short films about glenn gould.
9:56 you should tell him though because i feel like not a lot of people know about 32 short films about glenn gould. it's like only old canadian people watching that movie, myself included. also, i love that you said i try to include him in movie to movie but i gotta think because whoa glenn gould i forgot you're right it played yesterday in the 41 seat theater. i got the email from the cinematheque.
10:17 yo, samurai, that's awesome. based on what you've omitted from your texts, which was your opinion on the movie, i'm guessing you didn't love it. it didn't resonate with you as much as it resonated with me, which is fine. that being said, how am i going to include calm fjor in movie to movie today? i have to, because he's in the chronicles of riddick. he plays the main evil alien in the chronicles of riddick. what i'm trying to think of what else i can connect him through, man,
10:46 because i don't necessarily want to funnel everything through the chronicles of riddick. he's in the informant. oh, he's in with the exclamation mark, the informant? he's in face off? is he in... that's right, he's the dog. he's the surgeon in face off who does the... oh, and he's in chicago. hey, enel, are you ready to annoy the shit out of your wife tonight? tomorrow is national get out of the doghouse day. yeah! oh, so i almost forgot.
11:18 finally it's back. it's been a year already? that's july 20th anyway. you almost cost me four fucking days of resentment, bro. what the fuck? that would have been a disaster. one night i can tank, but four days? i gotta be in hell, bro. 50 pounds of sugar. so sugar is obviously really, really cheap. but 50 pounds of sugar.
11:50 i mean, how much is sugar per pound, man? could it be 10 cents a pound? nah. nah, it couldn't be. but it could be 30 cents a pound, which would make this $14.99. okay, i'm actually kind of relieved it's more expensive. i can't let you sucrose. i got recognized at a coffee shop on tuesday.
12:26 and the person who recognized me, a, insNLy nice. but b, the first thing they brought up was i saw the clip of you laughing at the mma guy who said, i can't let you get close. and it was really funny. and i said, i think i said, don't even say it because i won't be able to not laugh in here. you consistently quote a joke by chael sonnen, who is a known maga slash israel backer. ok, so is
12:52 so by that definition is is like what about northernlion then? i think that stream might be one of the hardest times i've ever laughed because at first there was i can't let you get close and then there was even just people typing the transcript as we laughing already but corey as the uh as the horses balls in mecha chameleon oh man tajikistan one day
13:24 oman, oh god, oman, oh god. i thought that's yemen. poland cooler, but not by a ton. maybe we're looking at portugal. nope. wrong. closer to oman than to portugal. it doesn't exist. it's close to malta and poland. so it, because here's where i'm... it's a non contiguous border because it's closest to malta
14:00 which is right here, but then fourth closest to tunisia, even though tunisia is essentially right next to malta. and that is what it was this, this, this, and then this, which is, it seems to make no sense at all. i'm going to try like a turkey. it's 130, maybe
14:29 maybe it's just a mercator, a standard mercator moment, man. i don't know. it's 60 kilometers from palestine. it's jordan. it's syria. syria's adjacent. it's israel. it's lebanon. lebanon. it's lebanon. okay. they were putting me through the ringer, bro. i'm still like, is this a mercator moment?
15:00 i think it is. i think this is like almost exactly equidistant from all four of the countries that were closest. so the malta could be closest but then also poland somehow closer than tunisia which is insane. mercators for flat maps, this is a globe. bro, i have a flat monitor. think for a second, okay? of course, it's a 3d globe projected on a 2d plane.
15:32 did you hear the p word? projected. tfw, no spherical monitor. oh, i hate that you're right. i'm the thinker sometimes. this has to be estonia. you knew it's, well, it was fucking one of us. it's latvia. it's a country in northern europe that i would mistakenly call scandinavian and then find out that it's not scandinavian. you must be a fucking belarus, bro. this thing's a little bit...
16:35 i did not look at chad. what i finally looked at was the fact that all of these are really close together and they were 1400 kilometers away from the result. you know what thousand kilometers is a lot? yeah, maybe in your country. our country that's days drive, maybe days drive. basically take you from where i live to penticton.
17:00 i can't believe there was a point in my life where i was considering driving from vancouver to penticton to watch the canucks prospects play the flames prospects. what the fuck was wrong with me, bro? a, thank god i didn't go. but b, also knowing how that core turned out, i mean, it would have been a supreme waste of time.
17:25 what an unbelievable waste of my time just to watch a bunch of people who aren't that good at hockey play in an arena that probably kind of sucks. anyway, june 2, 2006. i'm literally like two weeks away from graduating high school. universal opens to 39 million. starring jennifer aniston. starring jennifer aniston pre horrible bosses. starring jennifer aniston. romantic comedy. it's called the breakup.
18:03 pick a side. no fence sitting in my jennifer aniston movies. 20th century fox, week two with $175 million. x men 3, the last stand. i saw that in theaters. that's easy. might be a ricky bobby in here somewhere. bruce willis from 2006. it's one year prior to die hard 4.
18:32 and several years on from unbreakable. it's an animated movie with bruce willis. get over it. this must be over the hedge, which i've never seen, but fair enough. gary shandling too, huh? sony pictures, not a spider man year. so what are we cooking up with sony pictures starring tom hanks two years after the terminal, one year after road to perdition?
19:01 oh, this is the da vinci code. i saw it in theaters, bro. it's the da vinci code. and then paramount had a... there was a lot of blockbusters going on for better or for worse. then tom cruise 2006, two years post collateral. you know what? there's a chance this is mission impossible 3. huge. time? stacked week at the box office today? in terms of the amount of money they were making. but yeah, it was like, i mean, x men the last stand.
19:40 just a total disappointment and a piece of garbage. insane that they remade this movie because it sucked so bad the first time, and then made the new remake even worse. and then the da vinci code movie, not good. but you know if you're my age, the da vinci code was like, it was 6'7". the da vinci code was everywhere. every newspaper was talking about the da vinci code 24 7. everyone you know was reading the da vinci code at all times.
20:10 so of course i saw it in theaters and i was like, it's not very good. but that was how i felt when i was 17 anyway. i probably love it now because i'm old, but i'm not that familiar with the rest of them, including mi3 honestly, movie to movie. this time we're putting swanky on ice for today and we're connecting by a calm fior, bro, who's in face off. just give me a damn second. we got the burbs, of course. you know what? hear me out here. carrie fisher is in austin powers 1.
20:44 i'm feeling like there's gotta be like a seth green, nicolas cage connection or a will ferrell nicolas cage connection. just hear me out here, tom arnold is in a parody of scary movie that's called like shriek if you know what i did last friday the 13th. so let's see who's in this. just haven't thought about it in a long time. simon rex from scary movie 3, of course. beans, i believe that's beans. dinomites, it's a star studded cast.
21:16 goes without saying. let's go with simon rex. we'll go to scary movie 3. i'm trying to think of some shit. nicolas cage hasn't been in that many movies. it's part of the problem. give me like anna faris on this one. am i not? oh, she's in smiley face. it's not called happy face. and then nicolas cage, of course.
21:40 let's look at what nicolas cage has been. face off with john travolta. hard to believe danny trejo is probably in an expend... he's not in the expendables, bro. he's in machete with steven seagal, right? tom savini, of course, is in the quentin tarantino movie with the vampires from dusk till dawn. nicolas cage, of course, not in this. but what kind of looks like quentin tarantino a little bit, a little bit. and then also,
22:12 shirley has been in a movie with someone who's been in a movie with george clooney. he's been in these in adaptation with brian cox who's in x men 2. george clooney in x men 2? i don't think so. nicolas cage, wait, i'm getting somewhere. nicolas cage is in matchstick men with allison loman who's in drag me to hell with justin long who plays the doctor in idiocracy which has dax shepard!
22:42 from without a paddle with seth green. so we go savini to whatever this movie was, that's gonna be machete, to danny trejo, smiley face, anna faris, scary movie three, simon rex, shriek if you know what i did last friday the 13th, tom arnold, austin powers, seth green, without a paddle, dax shepard, idiocracy, justin long,
23:20 drag me to hell, alison lohman, matchstick men, nicolas cage, face off, calm fiore. oh, that's glenn, man. that's glenn. that's glenn. and then, i mean, we don't have to exit via face off. we can exit via anything, man. we want to get to enola holmes 3, a movie i know a lot about. what have you been up to lately? calm. of course, the bonkoff bad cop movies.
23:58 damn, at the stratford festival, king lear. he was in the amazing spider man too? house of versace, not to be confused with house of gucci. oh, he is the bad guy from the first thor, man! he's been doing stuff. hamlet's solo with colm feore. alexander hamilton! dude, have you guys ever seen this? how'd you get fixated on colm feore? he's a great actor and also he's a chatter's uncle. i feel like we're just gonna go back to colm on this one.
24:33 yeah, what the fuck? why do they got a white guy playing alexander hamilton? wait, wait, this is you, queen. comfior's in city of angels, bro. with nicolas cage, who's in face off with comfior, who's in city of angels with nicolas cage. you could do a circle. wait, i'm trying to figure out where i want to go from here. maybe dennis franz to blowout to john lithgow to that one planet of the apes movie he did.
25:10 we're trying to get to henry cavill. henry cavill, of course, been in other things than mission impossible fallout, but that's a really good one. he's also been in the witcher tv show for a minute or whatever. you know what? james franco to this is the end to danny mcbride to tropic thunder to tommy cruise to mission impossible fallout. boom. i don't think you could do it any faster than that, bro.
25:49 swanky washed well, we're calm posting now. we're switching it up and then the rest of these i don't really care about finding someone who was on both of these teams i could could i debase myself and just type chris pronger chris 100 million dollars is actually not a lot of money once you realize you have to pay taxes and buy a new car every year pronger
26:13 i only recently found out the nba also has a chris pronger, who is a player or a former player that's actually like a lot of people don't realize that making $40 million a year isn't actually that much money because you got to maybe pay like 20 million in taxes. and then when you factor in like all the other expenses that you get, you might only have maybe like 10 or 12 million at the end of the year.
26:42 and then i just don't know anybody who's ever played for the columbus blue jackets, except for rostislav klesla, but apparently he did not play for the ducks. so introvert ass team should have traded kiril marchenko to the habs. our late blooming prospects versus their reclamation projects, you know what i'm saying? because i know that the kraken and the canucks are talking about how to get shane right,
27:09 who was drafted 20th overall three years ago. and the kraken are like, he was drafted 20th overall. so you got to give us someone good. and then the canucks are like, he only got 50 points last season. what about all the prospects that we have given up on that we think totally suck ass and a third round pick or something? the fans are never going to find a way, man. every
27:35 trade proposal you get from another fan base. the title is always who says no and then the trade is the most insulting trade you've ever seen. like canucks fans, don't do this. louis debrusk in a second. what do you mean bro? why would they take louis debrusk? we want to get rid of louis debrusk or jake, louis debrusk is the broadcaster. we want to get rid of jake debrusk.
28:00 he's a decent player and we want to be bad, but he's not a good player. he's not turning the kraken around, bro. doesn't he have the same points as shane wright last season? but he's older and makes more money? show the kraken a little bit of respect at least. i got to give up on winona. what am i missing here? the age of it. oh, okay. first off, i did forget about bram stoker's francis ford coppola's dracula, but that doesn't fit in either. i did forget that she was in beetlejuice to be fair.
28:29 keanu's so cold in that one, like a frigid breeze. i know where the bastard sleeps. ed edmilf manor, what is ed ed downton abbey. carfax abbey, that's i know where the bastard sleeps.
28:49 i hate ai, man. could you listen? you would, and i shouldn't give them the secret, you could stop so much of the ai hate if you just make it stop talking like a fucking moron. i searched, i know where the bastard sleeps.
29:04 careful or you might end up sounding like keanu reeves in bram stoker's dracula. are you actually putting together a bram stoker's dracula on imdb movie marathon or hunting a different kind of monster tonight? let me know if you need any tickets or info. yeah, i need info. i need the link to the youtube video where the motherfucker says, i know where the bastard sleeps! obviously, that's what i need! the perfection of an english accent.
29:31 i'll attend to the count. my name? i'll attend to the count. i know where the bastard sleeps. i brought her there. to carfax abbey. that's it, that's it right there. i know where the bastard sleeps. i brought him there. to carfax abbey. i know where the bastard sleeps. i brought her there. to carfax abbey. he can really act?
30:02 he's a hell of a john wick and neo. i couldn't be neo. i think i could be jonathan harker. to be honest with you, i think i could be jonathan harker. i think i would bring a certain interesting, a different sort of interpretation of the jonathan harker character to the performance, to be honest. what about constantine? no, i couldn't be constantine. you could be cipher.
30:27 i have like cypher's body, but i really see myself more as a mouse to be honest. i see myself as kind of like a sniveling like, you know, i could help you jerk off in vr. and then glitch goes, you're disgusting. not disgusting. people have certain needs. they just don't understand, neo.
30:54 see the one that goes out in a blaze of glory? he opens the curtains to the window which was going to be their escape route and he sees that it's all bricked up and he goes, oh no, no, no! and then he flips open the two guitar cases that both have mini guns in them and he goes, ahhhh! so he goes out like a boss. he absolutely goes out like a boss.
31:25 i don't know what's happening. bro, you've never seen the matrix? you've never seen the matrix? just be so fucking for real with me right now. if you've seen the matrix, don't type anything. if you've not seen the matrix, type one. there's so many people typing. chat won't even load. like chat is loading in chunks because so many people are typing. it looks like streamer university chat. good, now ban them. guess we don't need cerebro. ban them all. ban them. ban them all. sire, we can't... that's 15% of chat.
32:11 i said what i said, now do it. ban them all. ban them all or i'll have someone ban you too. getting too germ a coded, i can tell. postpone. a verb meaning to postpone your viewing of the stream to watch the matrix. freight. a noun meaning the compens don't be afraid, it's not that scary. repress. a verb meaning to repress play after you watch it to see all the stuff you missed on the first time. godspeed. a noun meaning a pro you don't even need to riff on that one to be honest. proletarian. a noun meaning a member of the proletarian
32:44 patronymic a noun meaning a name derived from that of the father patronymic phylum a noun meaning a direct sabotage a noun meaning reparations a noun meaning a rep okay we're on a fucking heater right now like in terms of not only getting them right but also the time to type it we're actually we're probably close to the top of the leaderboard right now astrologers a noun meaning a person who practices convictions a noun meaning
33:14 yeah, no shit.
33:46 you already said it's pasta herbalist. and now wake up, wake up, get up, get up. it's the first of the mums dumplings made of rice flour and butterfly pea flour for the blue hue malaysia. huland, don mech borders it to the north indonesia. oh shit. thailand. it's thailand. i have my southeast asia all fucked up.
34:20 where does he think indonesia is? you know what's crazy? japan to indonesia, no time difference. or let me rephrase, japan to singapore, no time difference. seven hour flight to the west, no time change. singapore to indonesia, 30 minute flight, one hour time change. they just want to be different. that's what i'm saying, man. eastern china to western china, eight hour flight, no time change. that's a different story, okay? they've got something different going on.
34:50 we got something different going on. indiana to illinois border, two steps, one hour time change. okay. but you have to compare that with something else. you have to be like, you know, delaware to illinois, delaware to indiana, two hour flight, no time change. because it was crazy to go from japan to singapore.
35:16 and be like what the fuck it's the same time? i flew west bro, i'm supposed to be time traveling back, i'm supposed to get off the plane the same time i got on the plane. drive across texas, 10 hours no time change. texans when they find out their state is only big within the frame of reference of their diminutive country. it's literally the biggest state if you grew up without a world map. it's literally not that big. it's like three times smaller than british columbia.
35:42 going to bed eight hours traveled zero time change. no, wait, i think i did it zero distance traveled eight hour time change you okay, charlotte you were cooking with that one, right? but you're not driving the entire province of bc. i wouldn't drive the entire state of texas either i would i mean if i found myself there i'm hoping i'm hoping i'm at iah making a connection to somewhere. i want to be no disrespect maybe maybe dfw
36:11 but i like iah because you get off the plane and you see a bunch of people with cowboy hats and they're wearing them like sincerely. they're not being like today's cowboy day. they're like, this is what i wear to the airport. can we not joke? dc is 360k square miles. texas is 260k square miles. yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah, we're a lot bigger.
36:39 we're like 50% bigger than your state, which is your state, which is known for the like everything's bigger in texas. also, i'm sorry to gang up on the texans, but they're probably watching a different streamer, which is good.
36:51 they'll literally talk to you like you're from texas even if you tell them you're from a foreign country. they'll be like, yeah i hopped on the i 71 and at rush hour it's all jammed up so i decided to get on the, what do they call the road that runs next to the road? they will just hit you with interstate numbers over and over and you gotta be like, yeah man, i guess, i don't know shit about the frontage road next to i 35. like i'm from a different country, man.
37:21 californians do that? yeah, but they do also put their head out the sunroof i'm lost in my favorite tune. i've only got one thing on my mind texas literally has cities, bc has one city. i thought you guys hated cities. wasn't that like your whole thing? like the city people live in a bubble and only the people that live next to nobody else know what the world is really like? you can't play it both ways, bro. you have to pick a side and stay there. unfortunately, they do anyway.
37:52 you know how it feels to get to start a bit with a staggering amount of minus twos and just slowly fucking and not let you gain any purchase whatsoever not not at any point go oh not eat just slowly sapping all of the atp. the tivoli brucken versus the chicken balti pie. i feel like it would help me out a lot if i knew what this was.
38:24 it's like a meatloaf slash meatball, so that's also really good. and if i may, i'm a bit of a bread connoisseur. actually, so i went up to make my daughter lunch to take to her camp today, found out we didn't have the sandwich bread that she likes. she said, can i just give you some pasta today? she went,
38:44 so not me, just finished the damn peloton ride, up and on the old stallion, peddling my ass to the grocery store to get some of the bread she likes so she can take a sandwich to school today. two bike rides? first i had my bike ride and then i rode my bike, bro. and you know what? i was like, as long as i make it home by 8.40, everything will be fine. pulled into the house, 8.38.
39:18 not even a problem. not even a fucking problem, bro. that was close. briefly loaned to the louvre in 2019, venice's gallerie del academia only displays what illustration on special occasions? probably the last supper? the roman author of de architectura is the namesake of what sketch? oh, it's the vitruvian man? what's the special occasion when they display the vitruvian man? international get out of the dog house day? that's steak and blow job day.
39:58 is that cognitohazard still a thing? the he man women haters club? oh, valentine's day is such a fucking drag, man. getting a nice meal with my spouse or my partner. h is for henny's, the swedish clothing brand. that would be h&m. h a m. oh, jus toronj. i see.
40:28 single people who get upset by valentine's day need to go to therapy. so she's a really nice lady i don't want to ruin her life and it was also a long time ago, but when i worked in korea, i did work with a lady who was like 38 and was like that she like made us go out with her for valentine's day so she didn't get sad and she was also in $10,000 of credit card debt from buying songs on itunes it's just like i bring up stories like this to remind people that
40:55 she's a real fucking human being and this is what people were like in 2010. and now that kind of person is gone. that kind of person doesn't exist anymore because of spotify. so i'm just right. not a lot of time has passed, but the culture has changed so much. the culture has changed so much that you find this story that was fairly believable in 2010 now completely farcical. she's a sports better now. actually she's a mother. okay. show some respect.
41:24 sort these athletes by their all time career earnings adjusted for inflation starting with the highest.
41:31 i was on espn.com yesterday reading the recap of the england argentina game. they had a section of the article that was like, see how the stars reacted to the england versus argentina game. and it was taking me out the state of sports journalism. it was like a compilation of other athletes tweeting about the game and the tweets related like tom brady said, wow, hard hitting journalism, bro.
42:00 tom brady, while watching the game, thought, wow. i have no idea, man. i'm assuming michael jordan's up there. i'm assuming tiger woods might even be higher. as crazy as that'll sound if you're not like above the age of 33, i think. interesting to think, because david beckham has been doing all those like ninja creamy ads. david beckham, ninja creamy, sleep paralysis, demon jump scare ads. anyone here live in england that's been, because when we went to england last summer,
42:34 the david beckham ninja creamy ad was everywhere, man. you would just be like on a double decker bus, minding your own business. you round the corner and all of a sudden, dude is just staring at you, drinking a smoothie. please stop saying ninja creamy. it's a blevins blender, bro. i have no idea. tyson is the interesting one because you make like a ton of money boxing. like being in a really popular boxing match, the purse could be like $10 million.
43:08 but then also didn't don king like steal it all but then also he has a cameo in the hangover and he was in on back three. and it was in the 80s and 90s. so i don't know man. i mean, i'm assuming i'm gonna put mike tyson on the damn bottom here. comfortable with the hot swap. all right. in two is really good still. the prize brady's so low $745 million is actually not that much money. once you factor in taxes and
43:42 pet cloning therapies and stuff like that. every time an athlete tweets something like that it gets me, it gets me. because it's like, i mean you don't need me to say it and be performative but it's like yeah man, you have to spend, other people are spending money too man. it's not like the average person is going out and making like 50 g's and it's just going straight in the savings account like you gotta eat, like pay your rent or your mortgage or whatever.
44:13 post career earnings should count. think about how much michael jordan made from gambling. i think about how much he lost too though. it's tough. maybe, you know what? we'll just count it 50 50. for now let's just count it as he won exactly as much as he lost. hey, have you seen the video of the kid comparing cheetos and banana chips? i've not, i've not. but you know what? you've reminded me of something. you know that it's a cognitohazard, but it's an image, it's a meme image of
44:45 i'm trying to reconstruct it because it's probably been two years since i've seen it. and it'll be like a meal that's a little bit of lettuce, some tomato, some meat on top of it, and then some bread on the side, and they'll go healthy lunch. and then they'll take all of the stuff from the salad and they'll put it on the bread and then they go unhealthy lunch. that i believe in that. i believe in that.
45:15 i think that people, the composition of the lunch affects the perception of how good it is for you. you know you don't? yes i do, yes i do. you hate carbs? you got me backwards. i believe that society is wrong, is what i'm trying to say. maybe i've phrased it in a negative fashion, but what about croutons? best part of the salad. best part of the salad, hands down. and i'm a good dad, because when i get a salad, when i'm out for like lunch with my daughter, i give her the croutons. once you take the croutons out of the salad,
45:46 it goes from healthy lunch to pow rations. because you can't be eating a lunch that's 92 calories and then going out and going to the playground for two and a half hours. you're going to be fucking run down, bro. you got to at least get a strawberry milkshake or something like that to go along with it.
46:05 in na the salads are like 80% cheese. bro, i've been to europe. your lies don't work on me anymore. people are fucked up there too. you guys are fucking obsessed with mayonnaise. crazy about mayonnaise, bro. i didn't say as fucked up, by the way. i'm not here to lie to you. but, like, you're acting like it's a...
46:24 it's a totally different world across the pond. it is the pacific. when you cross the pacific, it's a totally different world. but the atlantic, not so much. it's cousins, okay? we're fairly closely related. colossal statues of jesus. this is christ the redeemer. for the world cup, they should have had him doing the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the
46:56 ronaldo is not brazilian? yeah, but he speaks portuguese, i'm assuming. babylonian architecture. this is the hanging gardens. getting a little too casual with it. hanging gardens of babylon. thank you, civilization 2. no shot it looked like that. that's ai. 19th century horror novels that are irish, were adapted for radio. fictional vampires. lesbian vampires. occult detective fiction. lesbian vampire.
47:37 it was, this sounds crazy. it's adapted into a television show. i'm just going to say it's true blood, man. get that off the, get that smut off the screen, man. don't laugh at my answer. the only dumber answer would have been dracula because there's no shot of fellow named bram stoker is from ireland. okay. that has like somewhere in bohemia written all over it. and there ain't no lesbians in bram stoker's dracula.
48:10 he is irish. bram stoker is irish. now that i think about it, bram is a pretty fucking irish name now that i think about it. the wives, the wives are all sucking off dracula, bro. three ladies won dracula. that's straight porn as far as i'm concerned. a hundred ladies won dracula, straight porn. they ate a baby. they needed to, by the way.
48:42 it's not like they did it for entertainment. they literally needed it to get sustenance, to stay alive. we eat shit when we're hungry too. 1956 establishments into antarctica, mcmurdo station. twice a year, i spend the morning reading about all the settlements on antarctica and i go, fuck, damn, that's really far south. and then i click on another one and i go, fuck, that's even further south, man.
49:15 then i click on another one and i'm like, whoa, this one's like kind of to the east? what's going on with that? craziest thing about antarctica, it's not that cold. it's so much warmer. it's cold. it's the coldest place on earth, but it's so much warmer than you would expect. like you would expect that in what we would call summer, you would go down there and you would be like, you would freeze in ice in a second. like mr. freeze hit you with his gun.
49:40 but you really, you just wear like a winter coat, you'll be fine. don't go out, don't spend too much time outside. 1950s vampire films. plan 9 from outer space, that's right. how'd you know that? i've seen ed wood, bro. plus lots of dudes with james gunn hair wearing the plan 9 from outer space shirt. you see, i could probably see one a week if i was hanging out at the zulu records or like a comic book store or something like that.
50:12 lot of dudes with james gunn haircuts wearing this shirt and god love them. god love them. didn't realize how much of a buff baby wipes are in a restaurant until i had kids. yeah, they'll be making a mess with just about everything. i still stand by the fact not to like if there's any dads out there that are in a more like
50:31 maybe like a let me think about how to say this private equity, husband, trad wife type situation and you're both watching the stream right now i apologize for blowing up your spot. but you shouldn't get that much credit as a dad for changing a diaper. it's not even that bad of a chore. even if the diaper is disgusting. it's not that bad. i've done i mean, i probably will never have to change another well, i don't know maybe grandkids be changing diapers or something like that. but i may never change a diaper for like the next 2030 years. it's
51:01 we had some bad ones, but the worse it gets is still not that bad versus like i mean i'd rather i'd rather change all the diapers in a given day than clean the bathroom for sure that i think that's an equivalent trade oh, and i'm talking about even when your kid is like a month old and they're pooping their pants ten times a day i'd rather change ten diapers than clean the bathrooms 100% we're still farming the diaper changing conversation well we're in like a weird era where i honestly feel like i feel like i
51:32 admittedly, i might have a biased sample because as far as i know, i don't know any deadbeat dads. there's a serious divergence between the behavior of the dads i see and the way people talk about dads online. people will talk about dads online in one of two ways, which is
51:53 either like all dads are horrible and no matter how much they do they're not doing enough. and the other one is like he changed a diaper and took his kid to the park. he's a hero. and i'm like every dad i know is, they're like they're kind of busting ass pretty hard. not at a hundred percent effort because you can't sustain that but they're busting their ass. i see them around with their kids. i think it's still crazy that sometimes like not anymore but you would take your kid to the park when they were like one.
52:23 and like grandmas would come up to you and be like, it's so nice that you're taking your daughter to the park. and you'd be like, yeah, i mean, i guess she's kind of like my kid. who else would take her? there's only like one other person that would take her to the park.
52:42 don't blame them their husbands were evil well and then i i do talk about this with other millennial dads i'm not going to say millennials have a harder than ever but i do sort of feel like we're crunched between like the perception of the median dad in the last generation which apparently i mean they're my dad was a good dad i didn't have any problem with him but there are obviously some shitty dads and probably on average they were doing a lot less back then and then like
53:09 the reality, which is the amount of effort that they're putting in, and i'm like, you're getting it from both sides, man. you're getting squeezed on the effort, but then people are also like, fuck you! oh, really? you're working hard? well, your grandpa was probably like having an affair with his secretary. okay! negative 16 when that shit was going down! what does that have to do with me? i didn't have anything to do with that! sins of the grandfather? sins of the father, maybe, but sins of the grandfather?
53:42 passed two generations down? it's seven generations in the bible? that's fucked up. i'm starting to call that shit into question. i don't even know that dude! seven generations? i met the dude four generations. i guess he's only three generations away, because he's four and i'm one if we're indexing it from me. but like, i met him like two times. and now we're going seven generations?
54:10 some dude born in like 1791 or something? seventh generation is a laundry detergent? that's right, let's keep it that way. inarguably the most exciting movie ever made about a guy deciding to become a teacher. half nelson. the most 80s movie. ferris bueller's day off. take my breath away playing four times within a 20 minute window. top gun? yeah, it's top gun bro. what does this have on letterboxd?
54:46 3.6, classic example of the older generation fucking you over. you grew up thinking this was a classic because they named a roller coaster after it. completely invalidates your opinion seeing it in the 2020s. because it's already been deified as a classic, you can't watch it with objective eyes. that being said, is it 0.3 better than minions and monsters? yeah, probably. these eyes. yeah, but it's fucking not 0.4 worse than superbad. it's like 0.9 worse than superbad.
55:17 every night, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do
55:45 he could get poisoned. bro, you weren't fucking there. you were, they were desperate. i wasn't fucking with it when i saw it. you don't like when jonah, jonah hill's perception of his first sexual encounter is that he would go down on her for like, he said i would go down on her for like two hours or something like that. 40 minutes, either two, several hours, that's it. cargo shorts bid is good. i always think about, while me,
56:22 you're gonna have me eating lunch in the cafeteria at a table by myself like i'm steven glansberg or something. that was like 10 years ago. people don't forget. mclovin' sucks. you got a problem with mc... well, i'm obviously not gonna know this. you got a problem with, uh... mohammed mclovin'? i forgot which button to hit here. 2016 2.3 billion views. the most popular song ever made. it's the lonely island. it's got lonely island production.
57:12 see that, yeah, that sounds really familiar. i can't deny that. i'm gonna need a little bit more. i had a feeling it would sound like that, but... is there a chance this is the song? lean on by major lazer. it's got a certain shawn mendes to it with this like... one less problem with amsha.
57:55 one more problem with that show. i've heard it. i've definitely heard it. don't let me, don't let me, don't let me go.
58:30 don't let me down featuring dia. yes! yes, okay. okay, i could hear someone in my head going, don't let me, don't let me, don't let me. i know it's not don't let me down because the chainsmokers don't have enough people to have that kind of harmony, right? they can't do, nobody ever did me like she thought to do me.
58:55 yes, she do me yeah, she does and then they got in paul on the fucking high. oh, he's straining his voice he said i've got blisters on me fingers my stream streak is older than some chatters dude 132 streams is crazy. i felt good going to dance chat today and baiting the streamer into saying hi to me and then dropping my 10 stream streak and then saying how about 10 streams and thick and
59:28 and then when he read it, he said, how about 10? what do you mean? how about 10 thick streams? he was a little bit confused, i think. how about 10 thick streams? what do you mean thick streams? a lot of us have 152 because that's when it started. how'd you get mew though? don't you need to get, well, okay, no, you need to get mew and then you also need to get missing though. and then that's, yeah, you push the truck close to the ssan and then you've got 152.
59:59 i think i've told this story before but i loaned pokemon
1:00:04 i don't know if it was red or blue, but i loaned it to a friend of mine. and then a couple of months later, he gave it back to me and he was like, i caught missing though. and i was so mad at him because i was like, i've read that if you get, if you screw up catching missing, no, it could ruin your game. like i was, i actually thought it could have like glitched my cartridge out forever. like i was highly upset that, that he tried to catch missing though on my safe. that was valid. it could have screwed up your cart.
1:00:32 i'm not worried about my save all that much. i'm just a little, you know, i took umbrage with it, man. what the hell? oh, man, we gotta get inside or at least put on some rainwear or something like that. holy cow. have you seen the video of the rizzler saying he wants to be homeless for a day? that's why he's my goat? if you could swap lives with somebody for a day, who would it be? me, a person? yeah. that's a pretty tough question.
1:01:20 probably a homeless person. well first off rizzler, the term is unhoused, okay? so let's start with one, the guy who's earnestly trying to educate the rizzler on his language, you know?
1:01:37 so we've established that i think the rizzler is 12, which means he's actually nine, right? he's nine years old because i went, come on, this guy, there's no way he was five during the costco guys, the height of their popularity up to this point. and then you went, no, no, no, he's actually five. so it turns out, i thought that the rizzler was like many, many eons older than he actually is. he said he would swap places with a homeless person so the homeless person could experience his life for a day.
1:02:08 i'm trying to figure out... so listen, the kids too. so i'm not trying to cast any aspersions on them, but i'm trying to figure out if that's good or bad. i think it's coming from a good place. i think it's coming from a good place. but it does also sort of sound like he's saying, their life is so bad that it would be awesome for them to be me. and my life is so good, i could tank their life for a day knowing that it was just temporary anyway.
1:02:42 but i mean considering that he's literally nine years old or whatever, it's kind of crazy he didn't say like, i was gonna say jinxy. but it's kind of crazy he didn't say a streamer. i guess he is a streamer himself so. or yeah mr beast. it's kind of crazy he didn't say mr beast, more power to him. as someone who hasn't watched you play this yet, what makes it so fun? collectibles, epic moments, leaderboards, it's got everything.
1:03:16 costumes, character customization, soundtrack, extraction shooter where you try to throw as many discs as you can and then get to the exfil. could be a move. i'm loving these extraction shooters we've been subjected to lately. it could be worse. ubisoft could be making like their own peak or something like that. and then everyone at the
1:03:43 stream that has the announcement trailer would be like whoa triple a peak this could be awesome and then when it comes out nobody plays it i mean we've all we've all been there before good story. yeah emerging gameplay fuck this bro. if i go outside in the weather's like this. i'm going home i'm going home to play disc golf masters with calm wind although maybe this is a peak time to actually play real disc golf and
1:04:07 because there would be no dog walkers in kilchena. no, they're walking there. they got it. because you got to walk your dog every day i'm hearing. you have a wife and a daughter, it's not that much different. it's actually the exact opposite because i'm the damn dog. i'm going crazy if i don't get to go out of the house. if it's like 11 a.m. on a saturday and i haven't left the house yet, i am freaking the fuck out, man. i'm like, get me out of here. i want to go on a walk. i want to get an iced americano. i want to feel the sun on my skin or something like that.
1:04:35 i want to go to the store and just walk down some aisles and go, hmm, maybe one day, like something like that. sorry, this is going to be another guy with kids take. parenting, and every parent's different in this one. and i'm happy that my wife and i are kind of diametrically opposed on this because it makes the, it makes the division easier. but like parenting outside of the house literally, i'm not going to say negative labor, but it's very close to neutral labor.
1:05:04 you're out having an adventure, seeing new things, maybe you're getting some ice cream or something like that. walking through stores, she's showing you stuff and you're going, oh that's cool.
1:05:16 maybe you're at a bookstore, maybe she steals by like reading an entire book while you're in there and then you don't buy the book but it's okay because it's indigo anyway and they're like a huge conglomerate so you don't stress out about it all that much. but parenting in the house i find very difficult because in the house it i think it depends on the age and the temperament of your child but my child won't just play by herself at her present age
1:05:42 she wants to do whatever she wants to do but she needs mommy or daddy to be there so she can go, hey mommy, hey daddy, look at this. solution is have another kid? yeah, no, you're just, you don't have two kids. you might have two dogs. that's a different story. two dogs, a different story. one hand holds two leashes, bro. two kids is a whole different ballgame.
1:06:06 we won't be doing that, especially not on twitch chats advice because i see the shit you type in here. yes i do. like and subscribe. do you have two children? i have your entire chat history in front of me. you have two kids? ages six and seven? fuck you, buddy. fuck you. motherfucker. i got four under six and it's a new nightmare every day? that's crazy.
1:06:30 chat will literally be mad at you for that, but wait until they're 70 years old and they need like a part time nurse to come to their house. you then you all of a sudden they're gonna be real quiet when it comes to casting aspersions on the guy who had four kids in the 2020s, okay? joke's on you, i'm going to the robot nursing home where they put you in the blowjob machine. no you're not bro, because they're gonna charge a monthly subscription. and the monthly subscription is probably like by the time we get to 2070 or whatever, the monthly subscription is probably gonna be like $3,000 a month.
1:07:02 and you're gonna be trying to finance that $3,000 with your like 2040 wages, okay? but there's a 30 year delta between them. best of luck, man. best of luck. you better start building your own blowjob machine right now. plan for the fucking future, bro. don't rely on private industry to supply your blowjobs in retirement, okay? calsheet parlay is gonna hit. i'm gonna say it, listen, don't take this advice.
1:07:29 this is literally satire and if you gamble you will lose all your money. that being said, some of those cauchy markets that are like, will the broadcasters say this during the world cup final? it's free money bro! it's free money! they're obviously gonna say messi during the world cup final man! he's in the world cup final! it's 99.9 to 1 odds.
1:07:54 that's a 0.1% in one hour and a half, that's pretty good man. rip to all the people though that are like, yeah free money. and then they put their money on them saying, metlife, they're literally leaving comments that are like, it's in the metlife stadium. of course they're gonna say it. bro, that's new york, new jersey stadium for the next four days, okay? i think you've lost your money. unless they slip up, it could happen.
1:08:23 and then just a little, just a little bit, just a little bit of a curve for me. oh, oh my god. it's the, it's the greatest shot in disc golf masters history. i did like chatter. are you still here? the chatter who said stop calling it disc golf, just start calling it golf and then call other golf ball golf. that's, that's my kind of character.
1:08:57 they were being... what's the word i'm looking for? disingenuous. they were being disingenuous, which i appreciate. but i think that would be a funny fucking character to become. just to be clear. oculus blif. your message got caught by everybody so you should be embarrassed. or caught by automod i should say. so nobody sees it except for me and the mods. you have anything to say in your own defense? i'm pretty sure the term means the same thing everywhere. it might have a different usage pattern wherever you're from.
1:09:26 deadass, i had no idea the word was that bad. i'll settle for you showing humility plus i know i spiked your heart rate. i know your heart rate is fucking... it thinks you're in zone 4. your samsung watch is saying like, good job, you can... you still have time to close your rings. also, now i know you're from england. because the way you wrote it, you wrote it very britishly. oklahoma? okay, well then you... i'm not sure you have any excuse then. oklahoma, where the wind blows swiftly down the plains?
1:10:01 it's 47th in education in the us. not last, not last. also, i don't know if any state has like a problematic language course yet. we'll see how the midterms go. origen, i know you're on vacation. this is an all hands on deck meeting, okay? why do we have two chiblee commands? oh, we don't. i see now. we have a chiblee command that has text and then we have a
1:10:35 chilby command that calls the chiblee commands. i see now. yeah, it's called recursion. you probably haven't learned about it in your computer science classes yet. chiblee is my comfort streamer. don't tell nl. chiblee minus nicotine is actually him metamorphosizing into the greatest streamer that's ever existed.
1:10:57 because the only thing you could ever give even a slight knock to chiblee for was occasionally he kowtowed to his chat and if they called him out for something, he would be like, well, i'm so sorry. but now that he's got a little bit on edge because of the nicotine withdrawals and he's snapping at people for being annoying, i mean, it doesn't get any better than that as far as i'm concerned. i mean, if you make chiblee mad at you, you are just an awful chatter. you're a truly horrible chatter.
1:11:23 he's unflappable and like gentle and extremely nice. so for you to aggravate that guy to the point where he wants to publicly humiliate you is a sign that you are an absolutely worthless chatter.
1:11:35 and nothing of value was lost. is it the same guy that dmed me? don't make a... if it's the guy i think it is, don't make a video about him. because a guy got banned at my chat for being super annoying, and then i was just in chiblee's chat minding my own business, he kept adding me and saying like, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. and i was like trying to figure out why he's sorry for, it's because he got banned from my chat for being annoying. and then the people in chiblee's chat were like,
1:12:03 yeah, his first chat message in here was like, guys, i just got banned from nl's chat. and i was like, damn, this dude needs to like... and it was one of those things where like when i banned him, i was like, his...
1:12:15 account was created on like june 5th. so in like six weeks he's like sped run this whole new personality that's just so crazy to me. you just gotta, you're trying to become a character like way too hard.
1:12:33 that's true, the latest on ban request starts with, n.l. would have liked my joke but i guess the mods overruled him and you were the guy who banned him. yeah, i was, uh, i had my chat open because i was making highlights and then someone when i was offline was like, if he does any more streams with vtubers, i might pull a justin. and i was like, well you are, i know you wrote that comment thinking nobody would see it, but i am here and i see it and that's a weird ass
1:12:59 like very parasocial comments. so i banned him and then in the unban request, he's like going off about like nl would have loved that joke. and i'm like, buddy, i'm nl man. you were perceived by the guy. what does pull it justin referred to? i can't say, but it is using the self checkout at the hotel of life. you know, justin's favorite thing to joke about.
1:13:25 it's a euphemism. it's a euphemism. it's one of two things. it's a self checkout at the hotel of life or alternatively showing your friend your penis and it's okay. everybody thinks it's okay. nobody has a problem with it at all. i wouldn't have a problem. honestly, i'm 37 years old. if i was hanging out with the boys, we were playing disc golf or something like that, one of them pulled their dick out and like tapped me on the shoulder and then i turned around and the dick was right there, i would laugh my fucking ass off.
1:13:52 now i'm not saying everybody has to be like that, but i would be i would be laughing my fucking ass off for sure dude. but if i did it people would be like, that's disgusting. that's fucking gross. which is why the machine is better because the machine, it uses ai insights to compliment your penis. don't say louis c.k.r. let's do this.
1:14:18 there's nuance in the spectrum of public nudity, okay? and we're on two different sides of it. that's not who we seek.
1:14:28 it is taking me out though seeing the discussion about nudity in the discord and people are like, yeah, i don't change in the law. it'll never not be funny to me that people will like go to the gym, work out, get insNLy sweaty and then just wear their sweaty clothes home and shower at home and then change. it's just something about it is really funny to me.
1:14:52 my gym doesn't have showers? least believable believable statement just dropped. your gym doesn't have showers? we have tubs? that's insane! gym showers are disgusting? bro everything's disgusting. vegetables give you diarrhea now. wake up we're living in a grimy motherfucking hellscape. just stop stinking up the bus. we're living in a fucked up world. beef is good for you, vegetables are bad for you.
1:15:19 it's taken me 10 minutes to write one sentence. i'm suffering cognitive damage. i did hit myself on the head with a giant sledgehammer this morning. this makes sense. has the shit virus hit canada yet? it's not a virus, okay? it's a parasite. also, anyone else have ibs and find it like kind of hard to tell? i'm not sure if i have the the shit cyclospora parasite or if i'm if everything's normal to be honest.
1:15:46 we need to get, i can't shit in this chat. i just don't know if twitch is going to ban it from bttv. it's a people shitting on the toilet, but he has the, i can't face, which i, even though it's, i can't shit. i don't see it as bucket. i'll turn it on. i don't see it as i can't shit. what i see it as is like resigning yourself
1:16:11 like the shit is like so comical that you have to laugh at the shit as it's leaving your butt. it's like, oh my god, i can't believe the type of shit that's coming out of my butt. oh, that's right, i forgot about let's fucking shit. wait, we gotta add let's fucking shit as well. because let's fucking shit to me is when you poop and it's solid and awesome. that's let's fucking shit.
1:16:36 odds on a pick three mechanic? 100%. wake up honey, a new demo for a pve auto battler that has roguelike mechanics has just come out on steam. you can do exclamation point guild run to check it out for yourself. this stream is sponsored by leyline. the demo for guild run just came out last night i think or maybe this morning but either way you can access it right now. it is an auto battler
1:17:01 that solves a lot of problems conceptually that i have with auto battlers. one of them is playing against real human beings online who are, i'm gonna mince my words a little bit, but who are nerds and instantly optimize every single build to whatever the meta has coalesced on. so you go live and you're like, i'm gonna try to do a funky build. that'll be a lot of fun. and then the meta just smacks you over and over and over.
1:17:29 well, i'll read some more about it as well because it comes with with some star pedigree as well it's from the lead designers of both hearthstone and the bazaar which both obviously have some auto battler dna going on as well and we're gonna try it out right now. thank you again to leyline for the sponsorship. let's let it let's let it fly man i think you want something like this
1:17:50 but i don't know the pathfinding. you know what we should probably do? we should probably go all in on one slime so that when this slime dies, our dps can go and attack their goblin.
1:18:04 now, like i've played a little bit of tft, but the worst part of tft for me was feeling like, oh, please, this guy here, this guy here and this guy here, and then getting blown out against everybody that i played online. so this is the aspect of this game that i consider myself weakest at. so if anybody has any advice in chat, let me know, because my principle, my defining idea here is i want you to attack you, but i don't know how to get them over there.
1:18:32 move them all left one. all right, well let's try. they teleported behind me, nothing personnel. i guess that's why everyone was saying you should read their abilities first. don't say this is me bro. i'm not at this level yet. i'm not a mage. i don't have burn. i don't think i have rush characteristics. i've always seen myself as more of a, more of a fraud, not so much with the hair, but more of a frost shield mystic type level. you do have rush in your playlist though.
1:19:09 that's true, i do have rush in my... i have a lot of rush in my playlist, in fact. tilly's adorable? yeah, okay. whatever you say, we're gonna go to the curse of the kiss, okay? i'm not picking based on cuteness, i'm picking based on a very considered comparing contrast between all the heroes available in the shop, okay? she's literally a work asshole. i never should have brought reina back, man. there was no point.
1:19:40 we could have had a cool, a cool poison flower field. they did that easy victory victorious. you don't insult me you defeated the demo boss. congratulations. you now enter endless mode where you compare your team's strength against other players. when you when you beat the pve you go up against the op builds. okay, okay. not quite but there are leaderboards.
1:20:10 that's competition in another way. we gotta climb the leaderboards. you guys have a sam r. disgolf with this game, also known as matt. you have a second to rant on non game stuff. if you got something for me nolan, i would be happy to give it the time of day.
1:20:24 what's been bugging you? my dream as a kid was to have one of those call in shows where people would just call in and then i give my layman opinion on their issue and then everyone goes, oh wow this guy's got a lot of common sense. and maybe like eight people watch it on public access or something like that.
1:20:41 don't you think the pizza versus sushi argument is more a referendum on average appetite between the sexes? no, i don't think so. i'm not going to be getting into it during the sponsor stream because a lot of you don't understand sarcasm. you don't understand the framing of the bit and for some reason, and there's many things i think it's different for every single person. some people are, they find it difficult to interpret whether someone is being genuine or being sarcastic, especially online, especially when the tone has a certain affectation. and
1:21:10 other people just, you know, willfully will take it out of context. so i'm not gonna be getting into that. i will say that everybody loves pizza and everybody loves sushi, it's that simple. croissant sandwich superior to bagel sandwich? no, no, because the croissant is, as much as i love a croissant, in most situations i would rather just have a croissant than a bagel, i find the croissant substantially worse as a sandwich conduit because the bread is so soft.
1:21:38 bagel it stands up to the rigor of putting wet toppings on much better than a croissant now a ham and cheese croissant is classic of course a classic bakery staple, but any any sandwich that's a little bit more hefty. i'd much rather have a much rather have a bagel. i think that a croissant to be honest. oh
1:21:57 that's why montreal's on top. you guys love the poppy seeds and that's why i love you. we love you montreal, we love the poppy seeds. we used to love kettleman's in ottawa but i hear it's not good anymore. it's still open 24 hours, still after a night walking across the bridge to hull, drinking at age 18 cuz it's 19 in ontario, 18 in quebec. on the way back kettleman's bagels might save your life but it's not as good as it used to be jerry.
1:22:22 i think we might no! cause we're still gonna win! because my kai, my main guy is reflecting 33% of all damage done, bro. so when they hit me, they're only harming them ohhh... nevermind. endless mode over 219th?! okay! beating up on the ai just feels fun, man. no sweaty, uh...
1:22:43 no going up against a mac with 17 pots right off the bat. and what's the pay gets the palanquin not that probably during a sponsored game probably shouldn't be crapping on another game, but i'm still i got a lot of trauma or don't get me started on duly with the fire lasers coming out of it. and then the whole and i get to go to work like balance is good, but the whole team goes on christmas break when do all these broken and you guys just keep playing duly over and over and over. where do you think we're going on the leaderboard here? i'm gonna i'm gonna call it.
1:23:14 i think we are gonna be 50th on the leaderboard. i don't think we're gonna be the top, but i think we're gonna be 50th, which would be really good for me. okay, this might be the end for us, but never doubt dragomir, man. okay, doubt dragomir. still 156th, 156th. i don't think we threw, i think we just.
1:23:51 i mean, they start doing a lot of damage. let's put it that way. the reluctant shield, the glacial wall.
1:23:58 i made my pasta sauce too freaking buttery. i think i said sauce by the way so i apologize. that is can i say that's a steak too fatty lobster too buttery moment. you're supposed to use a lot of salt in pasta. have you ever seen the the viral video of the food network chefs showing how much salt they add to the water? i was wondering it literally if i bought like a container of morton's salt it would take me
1:24:23 five years to get through all the salt. i saw one video where a food network chef shows that she pours in like, i don't even know how to describe it. it might be like 400 grams of salt into the water. now i'm going through the more than salt containers in like six months. but the pasta has never been better, man. the pasta has never been better. unbelievably huge for you. we have 32 gold, reroll for one.
1:24:54 this is a duelist item. every 15 auto attacks if held by a duelist, this item gains one attack speed. oh! oh, baby. move the mage item to your mage? shit. by the way, can i say something? this is if held by a mystic. i was gonna, just because it was a lady with long hair, i was gonna say that's not necessarily a mage. she's literally a duelist, bro. turns out you were paying closer attention. and then this is just, this is prayer ball. we pray. prayers unanswered?
1:25:35 prayers unanswered 156 orson welles stacled clobber still dude this is fun till he's a little crazy the summary's a little crazy
1:25:50 the demo's a little crazy. exclamation point, guild run. check it out for yourself. thank you again to leyline for the sponsorship. i had a great time. pve auto battling without all the nonsense, without getting beaten by people who spend their whole life on icy veins asking questions like what's the best meta build to have for mack and dooley right now? this is a game for true vanessa enjoyers, okay? go check it out. exclamation point, guild run. the demo's free. it's on steam.
1:26:19 go enjoy, go enjoy and check it out. and pig enjoyers to a lesser extent as well. but i'm gonna send you over to my wife's stream. i had a lot of fun with this and i wouldn't be surprised to see it return. i will see you tomorrow. tomorrow's thursday, right? or is tomorrow, tomorrow's wednesday? tomorrow's friday already? tomorrow's friday? devastating news for me because i love my job. that's the worst thing you could have possibly told a guy like me.
1:26:50 anyway, later.
1:27:38 she had a monster in the play if you wanted to hear it.