nespresso merchant - Bits and Banter [04⧸28⧸2026]

Name: nespresso merchant - Bits and Banter [04⧸28⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-05-01
Channel: Librarian
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Librarian2026-05-01

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0:00 wait, wait, wait. speak on that. speak on that. steely dan beating five nights at freddy's for the first time. five nights without a bite. oh, you know, it's probably, uh, it's, it's a, the nightfly reference, right?
0:12 anyway, um we're not gonna do tomodachi life today because i'm pissed off i started watching chiboli yesterday and his island began with a fucking fight people were stomping around they had fire coming out of their fucking head and shit pissing me off. why won't my island fight, bro? anyway, i did make some new me's last night and i'm hoping that if i if i get him to mix it up a little bit they might start to brew some drama later in the week. i hope and
0:37 i did put some different personalities on the island. i put a reserved perfectionist on the island and i derived different base principles by the way. the description of the personality was like most comfortable at home in their room being creative. who do you think i made for that? steely is really close but it's not, you're in the right ballpark. in fact, i would say you're in the right part of the field but you're not quite, you're not quite in the right position yet.
1:04 not brian eno, but in some ways you're closer. you're closer with brian eno. in some ways... ooh, i don't see a... brian wilson! you fucking got it, brontis! old ass brian wilson. and i'm wondering if this is some kind of creative drought because...
1:24 and then, how about, there was reserved, which is like slow at everything, and it's like, you know, guy, well let me read the archetype for you. maybe you'll be able to figure out who i made for this one. carson beck, arizona cardinal, congrats on getting drafted. one of the last times that sentence is going to be aspirational, probably.
1:43 introvert, self sufficient and highly individual, calmly lays out the facts, has a lot going on deep down. now i'll start you off with a little breadcrumb. they are a fictional character from a television program. okay, well you're extremely... oh, you doomer 80! you fucking got it without a second hint! someone said frasier.
2:07 but you were, i was about to say you're so close, but you're right, it's niles. that's niles crane, bro. also, can i say i'm a little upset that you think frazier doesn't let his emotions show, but has a lot going on deep down. frazier lets his emotions show.
2:22 surprisingly hard to make a david hyde pierce. because he has like a square head, but an insNLy giga chad chin dimple. niles is goated. niles is what it's all about. maris, maris i just want to talk. why are you ruining my man's life? but on the other hand if it wasn't for maris would he even be niles? i don't know man. i don't know. that's what's so crazy. and does she even exist or whatever? i don't know man.
2:51 two five stars in a row? yeah bro, two five stars in a row. i watched brief encounter and cleo from 5 to 7. i'm not gonna give one of them four stars just so people think i'm not a five stars merchant. that's insane. you watch two of the best movies of all time? you observe them with objective eyeballs and rate them accordingly, man. godard tomorrow? i'm thinking i need like a jason momoa movie to mix it up or something like that.
3:16 wait, wait, this is good too. been waiting for you to fucking show yourself. training day, two stars, fuck you. i'm 24, never watched the movie. it fucking rips. that's my average hater right there. great parody of my average hater. you never saw the movie? i've seen the movie. that's why i'm the only person whose training day review you should actually trust. can i tell you, it kind of gave me an existential crisis this morning to be watching cleo from 5 to 7 on the bike.
3:45 but have dan stream up on the computer monitor. and it took 45 minutes of the movie for him to even get off of the starting soon screen. and then the next 45 minutes were just his face talking and like, i don't know, trying to set up his discord with jobs or something. i'm not saying i'm doing anything better by the way, but i was like, damn, agnes varda did this shit in 90 minutes. she was downright economical directorially.
4:12 cleo from five to seven, incredible. only thing that'd be better, cleo from six to seven. wait, wait, wait, okay, yeti is evolving and i love it. mojique, and by the way, did you think that it was possible? i wouldn't know, listening wind, one of the deeper cuts from remain in light, kind of calling it a deeper cut when the album has seven tracks, kind of crazy, but mojique holds his package in his quivering hand. mojique strokes his package
4:39 while thinking of a man. wait, that's... that's fucking good. the juice in my cock. the juice in my cock. the cum in my hand. the cum in my hand. the juice in my cock. wait, wait. that could be fucking good, man.
5:03 stream's off to a horrible start. i'm gonna add an addendum to your comment. stream is off for a horrible start for people who like to abstract themselves as if they are robots and not a computer shoved into biological machinery. it's basically just tubes with different kind of fluids going around, a little bit of electricity. you're becoming self parody? nah, i don't think so. i don't think so. i think i'm getting closer to touching the firmament. sorry, it's taking me longer to drink my coffee today because the coffee shop ran out of
5:31 biodegradable plastic lids. so i gotta drink the iced americano, but i have to drink it slowly so that the ice doesn't fall on my face instead of the biodegradable plastic lid blocking the ice for me. why is your intro screen so blurry? everything is so fucked up. that is it. it's all the size without you. you can't have very far.
5:58 you said nespresso was pissing you off? nespresso does piss me off because why the fuck am i out here thinking that i like george clooney when all i ever see him in is espresso ads? like okay bro made michael clayton, that was like 19 years ago. now the work that i've seen him in for the last decade is essentially just nespresso ads man. come on man, i know you got a satellite spying on gaddafi or whatever like you got going on there but at the same time nespresso
6:25 oceans was good. oceans was fucking peak, man. i gotta see the christophas. movie's got me talking like that one lady who looks like madonna from orange is the new black. he does kind of... like that's... i don't know if this is okay to say, but he does sort of look like you hit cappuccino with like a ray gun that turned it human. and i think that's honestly aspirational to look like a cup of coffee like that. like he's a tall drink of water, let's put it that way.
6:53 is he still the sexiest man of all time? he's doing alright. i mean like you gotta have a sliding scale once you get up to like your 60s or whatever. he does have the white foam shit going on, no doubt about it. oh okay the coffee's done let's do some dulse. your mom's been done before? yeah bro. by my dad and i don't know like statistically speaking probably like a couple of other people before my dad if i had to guess. i mean they got married pretty young
7:21 that doesn't bother me. like, you know i came out of that oven, right? i'm not going to be mad that the oven is like baked other cookies before, bro. i need that shit to work so that i can come out with the having with my dough having risen. you didn't have to guess? it doesn't bother me. i don't know what you want me to say. it doesn't bother you as a human being.
7:42 i hope she's had sex and i hope she's still having sex. i hope she has even more. a, it's none of my business, but b, i'm happy for her. that's disgusting? it's not disgusting at all, man. we all got shackled with the curse of horniness when we were fucking born. obviously you gotta manage it a little bit, but don't do it the... don't go so far in the other direction. i don't wanna...
8:03 be streaming to a generation of people who are like, i never drink, i never have caffeine, i don't do drugs, i allow myself no pleasures, every movie i watch is an amazon prime original. oh, like, come on, you got to get in touch with your flesh side a little bit, man. asexuals can be horny. i've got to, i know a guy, i got to ask him about that. i don't know. i believe that that's true because you wrote it and i like to believe people, but i haven't really given it much thought. that makes sense to me.
8:32 people on a damn diet can be hungry as well. i think maybe they're hungrier for all i know. you're onto something? i think i just took that from like the bare naked ladies, ironically enough. if i had a million boners, if i had a million boners... i don't know what the fuck i would do, honestly. it seems like it'd be insNLy annoying, for sure. this is the movie signs and i can... that's the alien, bro! enhance!
9:02 nah, man, if they had one ring camera that movie would have been a lot shorter. yeah, i have no idea what this is. also from this shot, i can't tell what year this is from. but what's that movie where tom cruise is a pilot that smuggles drugs in from south america? wait, this has a certain jourdan peele type cinematography to it. it has a certain nope quality, but obviously i don't think this is nope.
9:29 i don't think it's field of dreams. wait, is this interstellar, bro? it's like a farm with matthew mcconaughey's truck and there's a modern avionic device. okay, it is. and then this is the sandstorm. okay, there you go. ball knowledge zero. i mean, i got it in two. it's pretty good. you have to forgive me for not having seen this 25 times. i was like 30 when it came out. i think it's a great movie, by the way. you won't find me being cynical about chris nolan.
9:59 oh wow, the astronaut's sad. can i say something? can we give this astronaut his flowers? he's trying to save like the whole species. he is trying to save the whole species. it's not... what do you want from him? i would be pretty fucking in my feelings too if i was matthew mcconaughey. i do think it's crazy. no disrespect, but also if you've not seen interstellar,
10:22 spoilers but it did come out like 12 years ago or whatever. it's crazy when at the end of the movie he comes back and like his daughter is 100 years older than him and she tells him to fuck off. she's like you don't need to come see me bro that's your fucking kid. you a first off i'm your father you don't tell me what to do and b i'll stay here for as long as it takes which i don't i don't think it's going to take very long judging from the looks of things but anyway
10:48 she literally said like, don't wait here for another, you don't need to be here for 10 minutes. go back to take a 10,000 year journey through space to go find anne hathaway. like, she can wait 10 minutes, bro. spent more time with the fuck ass robots? well, i mean, he did spend like 100,000 years with the fuck ass robots or something. as the dad, what are you doing in that situation? honestly, probably
11:15 not going to outer space, but also if the world is in such a fucked up place that they need me to go to outer space to save the human race, like it's over anyway, man. i might as well just enjoy what little time i have left. there's no shot. we need a man with your unique skills in the space shuttle. what the fuck am i going to do, man? i'll be, oh, this is just like, have you guys seen john carpenter's dark star? this is just like dark star, man.
11:44 a consensus all american. this north carolina big man averaged over 17 points. that's not even that much. they score like a hundred a game. ten rebounds kind of impressive though. north carolina big man. kevin... kevin... kevin love? i knew there was a couple famous kevins. they should pump those numbers. tim cook is the current ceo of what trillion dollar company? about as difficult as the college basketball question. you are
12:19 um, uh, you're, you're book smart. book smart. lady's name is chloe. no. is your last name feynman? what is, wait, i can do this. she's in, uh, she's in book smart. i know you. and then i think it's, i think it's paul mezcal. what is the name? what is your name? i have to like, i'm, i'm resetting.
13:06 it's getting further away. like the information is getting further away from me. i know your name. i need to, i need to let it simmer for a second.
13:16 this hall of fame nba player has his own brand of xl gummies made in the shape of his face. i have absolutely no idea. let's guess that it's shaquille o'neal because he's involved with everything. ed o'neal played a crotch scratching women's shoe salesman. okay, you make him sound like a pervert, but the thing is if you've watched the show, he's literally ace. this is married, dot dot dot, with children. christian bale first played bruce wayne. i don't know why i thought that said bruce wayans.
13:42 this is batman begins. very nolan heavy day so far. so what we get drunk, so what we smoke weed, we're just having fun. our lyrics from this 2011 wiz khalifa and snoop dogg song. i have no idea. party. i have to tap. i don't know her name. caitlyn deaver. caitlyn deaver. i know chloe.
14:08 cleo, okay 8% i don't feel as bad about that. what is this song? young, wild and free. i'll be honest, i don't think i know that one man. prom night 2012? bro, i had my prom night in 2006. if they said some... they were like, hey, what song says, promise you it's girl, it's you that i want.
14:31 i'm all messed up and it's you that i want. it turns out i don't really know all the lyrics, but you know the deal. i was not listening to peter bjorn and john. i was listening to peter bjorn and john in 2007 when the fucking whistle song came out. for like a month you had a recurring bit of so what we stay sober, so what we smoke nothing. yeah, i stole it from chiblee's chat. the same way i steal, that's where i steal most of my good jokes.
15:01 was i listening to 2011? fuck man, a lot of park life by blur for sure and like best coast. i feel like i was getting into best coast around then. i was getting into like, the world is lazy. i was listening to like, uh, women. i wish i had a boyfriend. i wish i had a loving man in my life. you know, stuff like that. i was listening to, uh,
15:30 surfer blood and like real estate. i was listening to a lot of stuff back then. i wasn't listening to wiz fucking khalifa. that's not women, that's girls. whatever man, i don't know shit about lena dunham. although i did watch tiny furniture. no, thank you. why you hating on wiz khalifa? fear the unknown.
15:50 heart disease? people don't google things that will kill them, which is how i know i'm not neurotypical. because i'll definitely be googling like heart disease a hundred times more often than fucking leonardo dicaprio. who gives a shit man? i mean like not who gives a shit about him necessarily, but it's like what am i hoping to learn about leonardo dicaprio? i google heart disease because i'm like what are the symptoms? black hole kind of interesting for sure.
16:16 limb lengthening? i have to imagine materialist just didn't have that much of an impact on the culture so i stay with black hole on this one. the king's man is really bad so the suicide squad should be over that. why did you see the king's man? for a while i was loathe to give up my status amongst millennials and the only thing millennials love more than the office is like, hey there's a new movie on that went direct to streaming.
16:45 oh shit, mark wahlberg, jason momoa movie that went direct to amazon prime. this has got to be good. so i was basically, i was just watching stuff because it was like, hey, it's out now and i can watch it. now i'm becoming even more annoying. i'm becoming like a 22 year old gen z cinephile who is like,
17:04 like why the fuck are 22 year olds telling me like, oh if you like cleo from five to seven you gotta watch this other agnes varda movie. you're not supposed to, your favorite movie is supposed to be daddy's home 2. why the fuck are you in your second year of college telling me about like, oh what's your favorite jacques demy movie? is it the umbrellas of schoenberg or the young girls of rochefort? like it's so crazy man. i'm, it's aspirational don't get me wrong but like
17:33 and i'll take it any day over the millennials that are like, hey, have you seen bro? don't look up. here's the thing, go into it. like it's a satire and we're literally living it right now. i own the agnes varda complete collection but never tapped in then i dropped the box and tore the cardboard. i hate myself. i'm fake. nick, you should tap in. cleo from five to seven is only 90 minutes long. it's crazy, man. on ironically, cleo from six to seven is the best part of the movie.
17:58 every time i see nl log a movie, i check a runtime. bro, i'm only watching stuff that's over 100 minutes long on saturdays. i'll save you a click. r slash saved you a click. the good news is like nowadays they don't make good movies that are 90 minutes long. they make decent movies that are 90 minutes long and bad movies that are two and a half hours long. but back in like the 60s and 70s, they were making good movies that were 90 minutes long. i don't know if it's because like film was expensive or some shit like that, but
18:25 like they were working within their constraints back then, man. all i know, and i apologize because i've done this bit a lot, but when you pick the movie on criterion channel and it starts with that janus films logo, you know you're in good hands. purge all of the anxiety from within yourself. you're going to watch something, it's at the very least worth having watched. bolivia? what the fuck? oh, it's in the wedge antilles.
18:53 did you mean antigua? i don't think i did mean antigua and barbuda. how about trinidad and tobago? oh, shit! oh, holy fuck! can i say something? our average guesses have actually, we've pulled it down like 0.3.
19:10 in the last six months or so. that's pretty good. like that's an improvement. that's like watching your resting heart rate dip under 60. remember when i was doing the sponsor stream for people of note and my watch vibrated because my heart rate was like 44? i felt really, i felt really sick.
19:29 like i did not feel good in that moment. i thought there was a chance i could have had some kind of like pulmonary episode on on stream for sure. but we make it back, we make it back. that's fiji bro, that's where the water comes from. that makes a lot of sense to be honest with you. wallace and fatuna pretty close though. wallace and big tuna bro. david wallace and jim from the office.
19:56 dude, we need that on paramount plus and peacock, tootsuite, wallace and big tuna. silence millennial? i don't really mind being a millennial. i think it's okay. august 29th, 2003. so okay, one second. it's the ninth grade, the summer between ninth and 10th grade, but about to start the 10th grade, starring travis shiffner.
20:24 this was kind of like texas chainsaw massacre remake territory. okay, ray wise, he could taste your fear? is this like, um, like a house of 1000 corps scissors? victor salvia and jonathan, what the fuck is this? when their bus is crippled on the side of a deserted road, a team of high school athletes discover an opponent they cannot defeat? jeepers creepers? jeepers creepers 2.
21:02 jeepers creepers 2. jeepers creepers 2 was number one at the box office the last week of august of 2003. a fantasy comedy romance from 2003 star... oh, you are... yes, okay. now i know exactly where i was now. my uncle and aunt came to visit us right around this time because they went to the theater to watch freaky friday and that was no joke. it was like a 40 minute drive. okay, so now that i'm back,
21:27 what else was... spy kids 2 came out right around this time, i think. samuel l. jackson in a crime action thriller. probably changing lanes. changing lanes kind of good as fuck. samuel l. jackson and colin farrell. wait a minute. i should know this. hondo harrelson recruits jim street to join an elite unit. oh, it's... i guess it's lapd, bro.
21:59 am i freaking out? oh, it's you're right. it's swat. i give up. it's not lapd. kind of the original john wick. this this shit made $207 million worldwide. touchstone pictures. a western role. okay, well this should be brokeback mountain. nevermind. starring kevin costner from 2003 and robert. oh,
22:30 no place to just give it to me. a former gunslinger takes up arms again when his cattle crew open range. i was alive! i was alive back then! how do i not know any of these movies except freaky friday? this one, it made 272 million dollars bro. starring johnny depp. yeah, that's the first pirates movie. i saw that one in the theaters. best start believing in ghost stories. you're in one. makes you feel any better? that was my junior year and all i remember is spider man 2.
23:02 silence millennial spider man 2 came out may 2004. they will divide us. yeah, bro. that's the same school year sorry, my grass the school starts the tuesday after labor day in canada. is that a muji shirt? i think i saw it there off robson. what hard not you fucking clocked me i know you're in vancouver right now or at least were last week. yes. i bought seven of these shirts at muji on saturday you've no one has ever clocked me harder than that in chat and
23:31 but they even got the location right. it was the one off robson. libby, if you're here, no offense, i ain't going out to metro town just to go to muji. that's not when i could be down there in the west end amongst all the great restaurants, the great korean restaurants. i mean, i'm not waiting 80 minutes to get noodles at dombo. that's insane. but regardless, i'm going to try the daily challenge. and already i know something because in mockingjay, we have julianne moore. julianne moore can get you to
24:02 boogie nights. i know where i'm going. okay, i know where i'm going to start because it's gonna be julianne moore and then it's gonna be boogie nights, one of my many five stars from this year. that takes you to philip seymour hoffman. i'm so fucking stupid, man. no, you're not, man. you were living your truth or whatever. this takes you to lebowski, which takes you to bashimi, which takes you to
24:24 fargo, and all of a sudden you're at frances mcdormand nomadland swanky in like 22 seconds or something like that. you come out via strathairn and now you're looking for probably nicolas cage. you're probably not gonna connect to teah leoni if we're being honest here. wait, we are gonna, we're gonna go richard jenkins, shape of water, michael fucking shannon, bad boys 2, teah leoni? no. martin lawrence, bad boys 1,
24:55 tejalioni, the family man. that's fucking crazy! i'm in love with the shape of water. bro, you ain't in love with the shape of water. you're just in love with the shape of the container it's in. you had bradley cooper's silver linings playbook, jennifer lawrence. okay, just one problem. where's swanky, bro? i didn't see swanky in there. dallas stars 500 plus penalty minutes in his career. am i crazy to think we might have a mike ribeiro in here? that's a crazy poll, man.
25:29 no one has ever looked more like a disgraced new york city governor or state senator while being in the nhl. that's so crazy. oh, man. now that's a fucking old school hockey face, man. this is what 29 year old men were meant to look like, okay? we used to be a proper society, man. it does look a little bit like a me. it was a little bit like a me too, i wish.
26:00 uh, capital's 20 plus assists in a season. yeah, i'm thinking joe juno. i'm thinking we're going joe. i want to wait. there's a, is there like a, am i crazy to type chris carter here? i haven't thought about, i haven't thought about that. this chris clark. that's a fucking, i have, i literally have not thought about this guy in 25 years, but i remember him being consistently considered one of the most underrated active nhlers.
26:33 okay, new jersey devils 20 plus assists in a season. bro, that's sergey breland. that's got sergey breland written all over it. he's the derek zoolander, blue steel. imagine nl's cam, but joe biden chilling in the background doing stuff. am i crazy to say like, and i don't mean this to, i understand he's going through some health concerns. has any president disappeared faster than joe biden? you think he would, they'd at least be asking him questions or something like that and he'd be given some answers. like i don't,
27:02 okay, well apart from presidents who kind of had a william h. macy style event in office, i'm surprised they would at least be like, you know, putting him on the news and being like, hey, what do you think about, have you seen project hail mary yet or something like that? he's sick? i know he said he's sick, but i thought they would at least be asking him some questions, like keeping him in the public eye to some degree. he's old as hell. he's not even that old in like a cosmic sense.
27:32 he's older than bob dylan. that is crazy, man. i was thinking, do you think we're just going to skip millennial presidents, man? were we talking about that on stream or was i talking about it in the discord? i think we might go straight from like silent generation boomer presidents, like straight to gen z, man. we're skipping gen x. obama strikes me as kind of a gen x president. he's always saying stuff like,
27:58 they never thought we'd have a basketball playing president and stuff like that. he strikes me as a guy who would, he drank from the hose growing up. borders on gen x, but also spiritually a millennial. okay, i could see that. oldest gen z's only 28.
28:15 whatever. i'm sorry. i don't give a f i'm sorry. like, i just i'm sick of hearing about it. gens wake me up when the youngest gen z is 30. because that's when finally i can say some shit about gen z without people immediately going, some of gen z's still in the sixth grade right now. i will start blaming them for the climate crisis when the youngest gen z is 30, okay? it's the golden rule! i'm gonna treat them like they treat me!
28:41 you brought it up? yeah, yeah, i'm the streamer. the rules are different for me. we didn't do anything? i know, bro. i know. i was there. i saw an inconvenient truth at the screening room. and i was like, somebody's got to do something about this. al gore, what do you want me to do? i'm 19. al gore! you're the one who's supposed to do something, man! you were the vice president of the united states of america for eight years, man. what am i supposed to do?
29:11 i'm in sophomore year of university! undergrad! honestly, i don't know what the fuck j'mon hon su is in that has a character name in the title. i gotta think about that one. i've seen captain marvel. i didn't know j'mon hon su was in captain marvel, bro. i didn't know he's in aragana. fuck you! i hate seeing this fucking poster. this poster pisses me off, man. gladiator?
29:41 but his name is not gladiator, if i may. batman's name isn't the dark knight. it's just his name isn't batman either. but this shit is not going to be called bruce wayans. captain marvel's named carol danvers. you're a nerd. you're a nerd. you're a nerd for knowing that, just so you know. do you think the tiny man sold the ring to the soldier because the tiny man had already tried giving it to the woman and also got rejected when they were crouched in the corner when they were both thinking of forbidden love? no, i think that
30:15 i mean, i think the tiny man and the soldier had a moment of homosexual attraction. and then the soldier felt like his masculinity was threatened as a result of that, and he overcompensated by trying to give the waitress the ring. and then the waitress said, my dollar, and that just ain't enough for some shit like that. but the desk clerk says it happens every day. it hurts so bad to see spamming your shitty joke rewarded like this. literally, it's a funny question.
30:50 it's literally not my fault that both yeti and i are the only people who respect bob dylan's 1976 album desire. everybody else, you know, add clavicular to your island. when are you going to add clavicular to your island? you guys are so... you got a real problem with yeti, i don't understand why.
31:08 this isn't even gay bob dylan. in the song, there they, the soldier and the tiny man and the soldier was out on a day in love. the desk clerk says it happens every, you can take your money but i don't know how you'll spend it in the tomb. and the butter in the basement blue. soldiers can be ladies too? yeah, not on black diamond bay, bro. not on black diamond bay. they're way behind the times over there.
31:37 on black diamond bay, the only thing that women can do is stand on the veranda with the panama hat and then have a passport that shows a face from another time and place but she looks nothing like that. she does try to save the greek guy from killing himself though. just help this danger near! something like that.
32:01 trophy a noun meaning something gained or victory or conquest especially when preserved or mounted as a memorial trophy comes from greek tropaion meaning turn or route through latin and french trophy and she all right man amulet a now pregnant ass pause after amulet jicama a noun meaning an edible starchy to really said jicama
32:35 you know you're getting cooked with the ai vocal vocalizer is worse at pronouncing words than the tomodachi life synthesizer. peregrination, a verb meaning to travel especially on foot walk peregrination. okay. hottie, an adjective meaning blatantly and just hottie intriguing, an adjective meaning engaged proscenium, a noun meaning the stage of an ancient greek or roman theater. oh, it's an s before the c, isn't it?
33:06 proscenium? wait, she doesn't try to save him, bro. she didn't know that he was about to kill himself even though she passed him in the hallway. i don't know how you see a guy with a rope and think, oh yeah, that's the soviet ambassador. she was just trying to get the higher ground. she knew that he was trying to kill himself because he asked for a rope and a pen that will write.
33:32 then she said, the desk hook said, am i hearing you right? and the boiler in the basement blew. i think she knew. what are you saying? rem poster, i got baited into thinking you weren't posting lyrics. i doordash some shake shack for lunch on my company's dime. the shit was $58 and $20 of fees and tip. how do people live like this? bro, they show you the price on the app before you click confirm order, just so you know.
33:56 you don't have to do this like a moralizing thing where like when the food arrives, you look at the receipt and go, wait, it was this expensive? like when you're about to click it, you can go, wait, this is too expensive. i'm just going to go to the store. it's on the company dime. yeah, i'm just saying, but like, why are you surprised by the price after it arrives instead of like when you order it? that's insane. you know what i find? i find it sanctimonious and disingenuous quite frankly, because you're like, you want, you want
34:24 to feel like you're being crushed under the boot of doordash even though you didn't actually, well you know what you did kind of pay for it because it's priced in. that's the thing like when you're on your company's card i mean your company's paying for it that's money that could have gone to you instead but i get it feels different i understand that but at least can i say something at least you ordered some real fucking food on your company's dime
34:45 i hate when you're at an event or something and they're like, hey, we got a catered lunch and it's all sandwiches that are this big. there's no problem with eating nine different sandwiches, don't get me wrong, but it's not real food.
34:58 pizza dough and clams. pecorino romano, one of the most underrated cheeses. i gotta say this is from italy. wait, it's probably from the united states. this is probably from like kohag or something. white clam pie. yes. yes. what the fuck is your problem, man? it looks good. penis diameter. that's way too personal. i'll give you the radius. hot filled bun of the week.
35:24 maple syrup and roasted ham loins sage and onion stuffing tomato route that pepsi looks good as fuck man looks good as fuck. i mean this is this looks fine. i'm not gonna be sanctimonious the pepsi looks so fucking good it's like the beer whatever but look at the look at the bubbles on the on the outside of that soda. it looks so fucking good. it's not gonna win cuz whatever
35:55 probably take hawaiian loaded fries. i guess it's like hawaiian because it has pork in it which is a little specious at the end of the day but you know looks alright. so i do see that it's ten cents but just the physical sensation of reaching your hand into that sticky plastic bag to retrieve the sausage is unacceptable to me. that's not an appropriate way to serve that
36:23 i do not want to put my hand in there to grab that. i thought it would win because it was 10 cents though. holy cow, micaladas from mexico. beer with lime hot sauce and chili salt. price for one four pounds 20. jerk chicken looks okay but i mean all right never mind. i forgot it has tomato sauce.
36:48 they were drinking kashasa from a shell. no, they weren't. they were drinking kirkschwasser from a shell. they were not drinking kashasa from a shell. go look up the lyrics to babylon sisters. they were not drinking kashasa from a shell. they were drinking kirkschwasser from a shell. san francisco show and tell. chili cheese, roast potatoes versus, yeah, i'm not buying the steak from wrestlemania vegas, obviously.
37:17 falafel versus chili cheese fries. now this is like a classic, don't pit my goats against each other. if i may say something at the risk of farming negative 2's that will then turn into plus 2's by the time i finish my sentence, falafel one of the best foods that usually tastes pretty bad. just because so many, at least in north america, so many outlets are not doing the falafel. they're not giving it the respect it deserves. they're making the falafel
37:45 and then reheating it at the point of ordering so that it can be done quick serve and then it comes out dry and gummy instead of frying it to order. which is fair because when you go into like a falafel store you don't necessarily want to wait like 15 minutes for your wrap to come out or whatever. but like i'd say at least like 70% of the time i order falafel i'm like, man why didn't i just get like the shawarma? it just holds up better to this maladroit
38:15 preparatory routine. i'm still gonna pick it. that's, you know, it's a fair battle though. i really like canaca broth, don't get me wrong, but what is abrajados de platano maduro? ripe plantain, sliced, fried, and stuffed with cheese. sorry sweden, that's gonna clear. beijing kowda?
38:35 i mean, can i say something? i've never had my caucacity more validated than when i saw the video of ludwig eating peking duck from one of the best peking duck restaurants and going like it's alright, but it's a little greasy for me. alright, can i complain? yeah, it's too much. mm hmm. the skin fat becomes a bit nauseating. more for me? huh? more for me?
38:59 that's good. can you really eat it infinitely? with enough rice, yeah. yeah, i guess the rice is what you need because otherwise it's like it's like pork belly. i think yeah with the tortilla i probably would double up on the tortilla. the tortilla is too thin. yeah if it's just cow yum like six. six? five. if it was just cow yum fat and nothing else on the table it's like a three. we had it in singapore twice i think and both times i was like
39:28 it's fine. i can eat it and be reasonably pleased to eat it, but i do find it really, really greasy. that's good though? well, you know, for a couple pieces, but they're cutting up a whole duck for two people, man. that's a lot of meat. he did keep calling the crepes tortillas, but he was actually at the restaurant. you were watching it from ohio, so i'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt on that one. what is the bun, though? it's a bun. it's a donut.
39:58 i'll take the beijing kowdah on that one, that's fine. just means that i'm more woke because i chose the one that wasn't a donut. we need to get more woke. i'm not anti woke, i'm pro woke. let's start right there. i was talking about it in the discord today. i always think about my ninth grade english teacher who was like proto woke in 2002 and she railed on our whole english class because we were taught to use they them when we didn't know the gender of the subject in the sentence
40:28 and then she was like, you do not use they them according to the english style guide, which she pulled out like a fucking fat ass reference book. she was like, if you don't know the gender of the subject, the default to use is he slash him. and i'm, i, i think about her all the time because she was woke.
40:48 back in 2002, she wore like chunky ass turquoise necklaces and long art teacher style dresses with overalls, okay? but she didn't, society turned and now all of a sudden she looks evil! she also taught us to use two spaces after a period but like, you know, i mean she was born in like 1940 or something like that so...
41:09 what do you mean? we don't use the oxford space anymore, man. you know what's annoying as fuck? it's trying to figure out where to put the punctuation when you're using quotation marks. this sucks that like put the punctuation in the quotation mark, close the quotation and then put another punctuation mark at the end. like that that feels inelegant, man.
41:29 i love to do... my favorite type of sentence to write with like dialogue or a quote is like start the sentence with the quote, end it with a comma, close the quotes, subject exclaimed, comma reopen the quotation to finish the sentence with the rest of the quote. like a little blerump. like you have a little dip in the sentence and you come back up at the end. it has a great rhythm to it, man. why are your fingers so curvy?
42:00 you got a problem with this? doesn't this look like this would fuck up a bongo man? doesn't this look like this would get a serious slap out of a fucking bongo? what jimmy stewart movie was once accused of being communist propaganda? it's a wonderful life.
42:16 how is it a communist propaganda? doesn't it literally teach you how banking works? the bank doesn't have your money, bro. the bank doesn't have your money. they took it. they don't have it anymore. they gave it to some other motherfucker. and you know what's crazy? that dude doesn't have it either. that dude doesn't have it either, man. he gave it to another motherfucker. you know what's crazy is that some of it probably made its way back to you in a fraction of what you originally gave to them.
42:44 because it's all spread. you know how you got some atoms from like tyrannosaurus rex inside of your body right now? you got some money that you deposited in your savings account circa like, you know, 1992. ain't nothing to take out man. it's all just items on a ledger. touching on her bronx childhood and time at yale. my beloved world was a 2013 memoir hit for what legal eagle? i don't know maybe sotomayor?
43:25 oh, the only species naturally occurring outside of the americas. i don't think that's, i think there's other species that are outside of the americas to be honest. like what about hippos and shit, bro? peyote or not, legend has it an eagle carrying a snake landed atop what plant and that's where mexico, maybe a cactus, bro? that makes more sense. good flag. it was one of the best flags. i'll be honest, north american standards, canada, usa and mexico all got peak flags.
43:55 i know it hurts to hear if you're from one of the 48 european countries whose flag is just three different colors of stripes, but like we got some serious... our flag game is really strong up here in northern north america. listen, i hate america as much as anybody else, okay? maybe even more. the only reason i feel comfortable even saying that is there's so many americans here who are like, no, that's valid. but like the flag and the anthem are really good.
44:27 i do find it to be virtue signaling when people say the us anthem is bad. i think it like, oh canada is fine. it's kind of, it's a little, you know, it kind of wafts over you. it spires a little bit of national pride now and then, but like they were cooking with the star spangled banner, man. or the ramparts type shit. oh, the fucking rockets red glare. the bombs burst. the syllabic element of it. the meter gets a little fucked up. the bombs bursting in air.
44:56 are you being dead ass? i think o canada is fine, but come on. can you really with a straight face look here and tell me that o canada mogs the star spangled banner? they planted a couple feet in the ground to sing the star spangled banner. i'll give them credit for that one. o canada is far better, you're virtue signaling. i'm sorry because you disagree with me. you're virtue signaling. o canada is fine, i don't dislike o canada. i think o canada is it's a serviceable to good national anthem, but
45:29 now the mexican national anthem, i don't know because i have to wait until they win a gold medal in ice hockey or curling to know what it sounds like. so it's going to be a minute, i think. i'm not saying they can't do it. i'm just saying they got a long road. i do like, dude, the bell center, le centre bell has been fucking rocking lately, man. i love when they sing the anthem in french. you know why? because fuck you, man. why shouldn't they? it's quebec.
45:57 you're watching the fucking montreal team play hockey. learn french or fucking tolerate it. i'm tolerating it. do i know french? i watched cleo from five to seven today, so i'd say petite peu sans trois type shit. okay. oh, animated movies the year they were released starting with the latest. okay. starting with the latest. the oldest movie here is toy story 2, which came out in 1999. shrek 2 came out in 2004.
46:27 incredibles 2 is after finding dory. now here's where... monsters university is pre finding dory. the question is kung fu panda 2. i have absolutely no idea. i'm gonna leave it right there. we're playing the hits, man. 17th century french cardinals, okay? but also french male non fiction authors, foreign minut are you cardinal richelieu, who i do not know? you're also an alice are you cardinal richelieu?
47:01 yeah, sure man. also, i don't know who that is, but i did get sick on a channel steamer named cardinal richelieu. so let's go with the other one. what the fuck were they saying in brief encounter? they make a reference to cardinal richelieu in brief encounter. how do you know it? because i watched a lean night, bro. two nights ago or two mornings ago, i watched brief encounter, david lean. they talk about cardinal richelieu.
47:28 20th century african american painters, born in 60 died in 88. national league, wait, are you? why an islanders players? a national league all star. it's barry bonds, bro. san francisco giants players won the gold glove. american sports people in doping cases. yeah, okay.
47:53 are you not clogging that i'm standing on business? i lost all respect for barry bonds, not for the drug stuff, but when i found out he sleeps 12 hours a night. literally none of us know what we're capable of if we just slept 12 hours a night. it's literally not fair. i thought it was an apples to apples comparison. i thought we were comparing ourselves to somebody who sleeps six to nine hours a night, but no, he sleeps 12 hours a night. wait, 2,000 hong kong films set in shanghai and singapore? bro, that's in the mood for love.
48:22 yeah, it's 100% in the mood for it. couldn't be anything else. ikea, faith, chioda, tokyo electronics districts, otaku, that's akihabara. come on, bro. you know who you're talking to right now? do you know who you're talking to right now? fear in the czech republic, this pilsner, bro. you don't even need to read the rest. you don't even need to read the rest.
48:50 scored six. i was gonna say, can i say, i thought today's was kind of tough. so i felt like by getting six we were crushing it today. fonz on base percentage is crazy. well, it was fucking like all he did was hit home runs and walk man. and sleep. yeah, that's right. oh sub me out coach, sub me out. i gotta go home and get my 14 hours. fuck off man.
49:14 why does he have jaundice right now? sometimes my lighting gets all screwed up from the camera. i assure you, i actually look pretty alive right now. i got some sun on the weekend, so i got a little color in my cheeks, believe it or not. i'm telling you, tip color, normal, but i can't tell you what normal is because everyone goes, it's not purple. bro, i don't know what to tell you. it's a little purple. i didn't fucking invent it, so don't take it up with me.
49:44 can we, i know i asked this like once a year, can we be honest? it's a little purple. not everybody's i'm sure, but it's a little purple. yeah, undertones, undertone. it's mostly like the color of a number two pencil eraser, i guess, but there's a little purple in it. because of you, i'm insecure about my penis. i wouldn't really, i mean that seems invalid to me. i shouldn't really be making anybody feel insecure about their own penis.
50:15 stretch opposite spring taught to avoid starter humming on and off. i want to say it's summer opposite spring. can i hit you with something? how about winter? sorry all new keyboard stretch opposite spring taught to of the clues indicators are to
50:44 avoid starter and on and off. two of these are selection indicators. one directs us to take every second letter and the other points us to the first letter of a word. our third indicator is a deletion indicator. i kind of get lost on the on the cryptic, the minute cryptic when the sentence doesn't make sense.
51:07 like when i have to spend all of my brainpower just to parse what the actual meaning of the sentence is, stretch opposite spring taught to avoid starter humming on and off. like this one to me seems like the words were placed there with an air of artifice and i find it disrespectful. this took me two seconds after checking the indicators. okay bro you got it after you cheated. congratulations. you're smarter than me. cut the shape perfectly in half. excuse me. wait i haven't done anything yet. i just right clicked by accident while looking.
51:51 oh, way off, way off, way off, way off. okay, fuck you. you don't know how to divide shit in half. dr. ortle, don't bum me out today. yeah, nobody cares about 55 year old men, so this one should be fine, even if he's got like, you know, the black plague or whatever. 55 year old man prevents with several months of chronic diarrhea, cough and unintentional weight loss. salmonella, tithi. he reports occasional abdominal pain and worsening
52:25 arthral geos, i'm gonna say campylobacter, campylobacteriosis. physical exam reveals hyperpigmentation of the skin and mild abdominal tenderness. i got horrible news for you bro, you have cirrhosis of the liver, you have liver failure man. you got chinese liver fluke, you have a pyogenic liver abscess man. laboratories
52:55 laboratory studies show iron deficiency anemia and hypoalbuminemia. shout out to all the doctors out there. i think you got alcoholic cirrhosis, man. neurologic findings include rhythmic eye oscillations with synchronized jaw contractions characteristic of oculomastiocatory myorhythmia. you got coronary heart failure, man.
53:20 small bowel biopsy demonstrates foamy macrophages in the lamina proporia that are pas positive and diastase resistant. you literally have like you got jardia lamblia, whipple disease. can i say something? he got some kind of gastrointestinal infection. who cares? this guy's toast. literally what's crazy is that if you're a 55 year old man, your doctor will look at this and go, yeah, you got whipple disease.
53:53 go home, get some sleep. go home, get some... make sure you drink a lot of water. you know you're fucked when they bust out the kirkland signature bottle of ibuprofen. this is what women experience at all times regardless of their age? i guess that we should all be satisfied with our standard of care then. shout out to all the doctors in the chat. you guys, i wasn't talking about you, i was talking about other doctors.
54:16 you think vgh would have offered you made? i don't think vgh would have. i also, if i may, first off, i'm not necessarily anti made, but i definitely just needed some antibiotics. i don't think my doctor is one of the doctors that would have offered made because then i would have had to have actually seen them for an examination, i think. instead, basically they were like, you're dying, come back in six weeks.
54:42 recently brought back, does anyone give a fuck about me? does anyone care if i live or die amongst the buds and it's going very hard? completely like fucking up a bit and then saying, does anyone care if i live or die actually goes crazy. it's literally like when you get hit in super smash bros, but you press the button right when you land so your character gets right back up. you tech the fall. it almost like it turns the negative of the bit into a positive. 2008 with a billion views.
55:13 some black eyed peas shit? bandages by the hot hot heat? wait, that's really... oh, this is viva la vida by coldplay. yeah. think your friends can beat that? i'm not clicking that share button. live life in spanish. living la vida loca? yeah, i don't really give a fuck to be honest with you. i don't really care. can i say something? one of the best pisses of the day
55:55 is the piss right after you've had your cup of coffee when your piss smells a little bit like coffee. and i already hear you going, oh that's disgusting. how is it disgusting to talk about something smelling good? it literally smells better than regular piss. so it's not disgusting. did you sit or stand? i'm gonna be dead ass with you. i stood but i have been making more of an effort since yesterday's stream to sit when i pee.
56:17 but i slipped into muscle memory when i took my bathroom break just now. but thank you for clocking to me that i'm standing on business right now. i appreciate that. i'm trying to make it a habit, but if i may, i have been pissing standing up for like 37 years or some shit like that. so it's going to take a little bit to break the habit. why pivot? wife asked me to. i did the classic husband thing, which is put up a little bit of a fight to satisfy my own pride and then go, you know what, i'll make an effort for this. that's
56:46 can i give it that's a if you're if you're a younger guy right now this and i'm not trying to toot my own horn because i'm you know i'm not a perfect individual but that's i think of an aspirational model of modern masculinity. you got to put up a you can't just be like okay okay fine you're right about everything i'm wrong about everything you have to put up a little fight and then acquiesce. that's the that's the proper way to handle it. you got to show you got a little bit of a spine but then also relent
57:16 always relent? well, it depends on the... depends on the battle, i suppose. but once we fix the sitting and standing to pee dilemma, i literally just have one more hanging chad, which is that according to my wife, i fold t shirts wrong. now, i'm doing it with her method now, but it's still taking a while to become second nature to me.
57:38 i have always been, hold the t shirt out by the shoulders, fold the two sleeves backwards, then fold it in half across the prime meridian, and then fold it in half twice the other direction. she is folded in half across the prime meridian, then fold the sleeves back and fold it twice. you fold it into thirds? well, yeah, if you're folding for like, you know, to show off a logo on the front in the closet or whatever. i will say i had 10 minutes of free time on sunday.
58:08 i haven't donated it yet but i filled up a reusable tote with like 20 shirts that i don't want anymore so that my drawer can fit clothes that i actually wear. it's always awesome, you should literally do it as soon as you get home from work tonight. any shirt you have not worn in a year, not to steal marie kondo's whole bit,
58:29 you're not gonna fucking miss it man you're not gonna miss it if you you literally for less than 0.3 of the year you're you're wearing this come on man there are a lot of twitch shirts in there but i also have recently maybe like last year and the year before i donated a shitload of twitch merch man can't do it tonight gotta get my 12 hours fair enough fair enough show hey all my shirts are plain black tees
58:55 dude, you know how much it fucks with me that like the color that looks best on me is actually black? it's taken me so long to accept it because of the ricky gervais stink. but it's fucking, it makes me pop. i don't know what to say, man. ricky gervais kind of fucked me on that one. not to mention i'm an atheist too. let me tell the fellas i'm on root. let me tell the fellas i'm on root. i'm ready players. i'm the last one.
59:24 okay, yeah, you're ready my guy. i'm ready. i'm literally five minutes early. oh, you are. yeah, that's very fair. i gotta pee, so i'm gonna... you were so excited. you were like, oh, i'm here first. i'm here for... oh, they're all three in discord waiting for me, huh? well, i was kind of crashing out because i said one of the best pees of the day is the pee right after you have your cup of coffee when your pee kind of smells like coffee. and everyone said that's disgusting. and then i said, how is it disgusting to talk about something smelling better than usual?
59:53 and then i kind of gagged them a little bit. it's just any pee talk, right? well, versus the... but then they're always talking about drinking it, so like it doesn't make any sense. well, that's sanitary. ryan, you want to show your chat that video, elling? you don't have to. wait, wait, wait. let me see. is this the video of the tornado touching down? it going up, actually, but pretend to reverse it and pretend to steal it around. yeah, play it backwards. play it reverse. the clip of you saying, we got it is so good.
1:00:23 dude, i'm so sad the stream cut out when we were driving to this because it was genuinely... i learned what it was like to be here for my life. i learned. oh, look at that thing! we gotta stay out ahead of it though. so get your film.
1:00:47 it's lifting a little bit. you know what's so sad is we thought the tornado was coming right to us in this footage, because it originally was, but it changed direction. so we were actually okay where we were. the second we leave right here and jump into the car, i'm sorry, the twin tornadoes dropped and we missed them. i saw that on chiblee's stream. yeah, we were like, ok, let's reposition because we're not safe here. we get in the car, the twins drop down for like 20 seconds and then we turn around. they're already up by then. we didn't even know they were there.
1:01:16 and yes, we that we are this is the official schindler tornado it's the town of schindler, oklahoma. you want to hit us with a spiel? i'm sure i can eat you with a spiel. are you guys already? hashtag ads you got your tag a baby you got your little timer commands hashtag marker slash marker. here we go. three two one. oh
1:01:46 wake up on a new multiplayer shooter. yes. the first thing most important that we're playing far far west is out right now. it's also 10% off for its opening week sale. thank you to fireshine games for the sponsorship. it's me. it's bear. it's mouth. and it is apollo who's named, huh? which is why i was having some trouble. it wasn't that i forgot who the fourth person was. it was unlocked in dude. his name was, huh? so i got confused.
1:02:12 mm hmm exclamation point far far west or scroll down below the video player to click the link and get some more information does it like you do a mission come back and buy upgrades do another mission? you got it. that sounds about right everyone must be at the dock
1:02:28 protect machine. choose between the ukrainian desert or far west, which feels like an appropriate place to go. well, also we got like type of mission escort a payload more xp. there's more xp. why are the nitro cannon sounds like? wait, you're absolutely right. there is more xp on escorting a payload or craft and overload tnt, but the ones on the right. okay.
1:02:56 i'm good with whatever, you know, i'm gonna win. i want this mission, baby. i'm gonna win. i want this mission. i want this mission. i desire this mission. i think if we all pick it, the host is choosing a mission. i think the host picks it. to the host who may boast the most. so start mission. i want this mission.
1:03:16 this one. and then normal difficulty. okay. there's no confirm or send it button. i'm trying to figure out. oh, there it is. it was hiding behind the chat. it was hiding behind the chat. dang, chat. i want this mission.
1:03:37 what? no, no, no, no. the in game chat. oh, the in game chat. the things you guys will pop up. i want this. also, us spamming. yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. i want this mission. i want this mission. actually made it so you couldn't start the mission. prohibited us from going on the mission, ironically. yeah. the irony. okay, so let's start with yours. i got the second one. okay, it's that one. so then now we just guess, i think. wait, which one's next? which one's currently pulled? my lever. the one that ryan's on. yeah. okay. so let's mouth try yours.
1:04:08 okay, so it's not that, so we get ryan's first. no, apollo's first, then mine. no, it was yours first. oh, it was mine first. it was yours first, yeah. mine first. and now bear? now me? oh, now baby? oh, nice! nice! and then this last one oh! yeah! get it! there we go! okay, now we got this thing unlocked.
1:04:30 he's puking! that's me, i'm puking! oh, you're puking! wait, actually he's a quest giver, my bad. oh. well maybe he shouldn't be standing in poison, that doesn't seem right. if you reload your weapon when it's full, he'll do a cool little gun flip. ammo here if y'all need it. sorry to go e3 comms on you. it's wild that they make you like, shoot your gun accurately to hit the enemy. that's a new, uh, a new gimmick in video games.
1:05:01 yeah, i don't know if i like it. you almost completed your warning before i blew it up. he's here. oh baby. cryptic train. oh, it's a train! do you go for the front or the back or the middle? who knows? i oftentimes go for the caprice. it takes double damage on the skull at the front. oh, on the skulls. right, right, right.
1:05:30 the
1:05:38 i don't know if there's any final fantasy 14 players among us, but you have to not stand in the green line that it's yep, no, i've recognized that now, yeah. final fantasy 14 players love to be like, oh, it's the hardest game of all time, and then you watch someone do a raid, and the boss goes like, heh, heh, heh, heh, and then like a big line appears on the ground, and 30 seconds later the line gets engulfed in fire, and then they're like, see the thing is you can't stand on the line when the fire comes up, we'll fly.
1:06:06 it's so good to be up late. it's like someone should deal with the ads. jesus. oh, is it just me or is it nl? i'm gonna peek at this game. who said that? who said that? geez, dude. i don't know how y'all are staying coordinated here. i'm getting smacked constantly. i'm here to call the train boys. i'm riding. we're gonna make it. oh boy. oh my god, they're taking out my mount, dude. i'm here.
1:06:49 i'm here at the oh no i'm not i went the wrong way. nice peak right? oh look at they got to the red. this looks uh this looks serious. i'm with you brother i'm going objective mode. e3 e3 line objective but look at these guys got super weapons actually super weapons what are you talking about? oh you're far away from me. oh god i fell! i'm just saying there could be something real good over there. these guys put up shields. oh hey big explodey guy.
1:07:22 not sure what it's pointing to the top of this thing. yeah, we've got a oh, i see it is a jumping puzzle. i don't know what you guys are doing. i'm on the average george costanza subplot right now the heck did he get up there? oh the pressure is gonna go god. i need help. we do you gotta keep them in the queue zone, okay understood
1:07:49 so the left valve lowers the pressure and the right valve increases it. en route, brother. and i'm being attacked. i'm coming. oh no. we're here. this one's not stable. yeah, you gotta increase that. yeah, yeah, yeah. taking a position for a flank. oh wait guys, stay here. i can bring a cactus and it'll be a bonus objective, i believe. well, well, well.
1:08:25 what? what do you mean? what? well, well, well. i just wanted to go well, well, well. i like well, well, well. i am gonna make your mii say that on tomodachi island. malf, chan's asking if you could just hit him with like a rain fire really quick. rain fire! it's harder to do forced. i gotta take this cactus back. whoa. rage. oh, you can't be on the horse with it. also, you gotta have my mii go
1:08:57 oh, it's a teleporter! i do need to help mater say my gamora. help me, i gotta escort the baby. please don't stay this weekend prepared you for this. but honestly, like if you were living in shit ler, this is probably what it fucking felt like. you gotta jump that attack apparently. oh yeah, you do. hi germs. shoot the skulls! yes, chef. one more on the top. or two more.
1:09:30 i don't see any souls. you're like guarded by it. what the hell? there we go. yeah, i got him. oh, right. he's doing the jumpies. yep. there he goes. that was awesome. got him. my kill. my kill. my kills. hey, NL. i'm your biggest fan in mount pleasant. that's unlikely i have a fan in mount pleasant who, um, they work at a cool bar and restaurant that i've never been to, but i remember them typing, hey, i'm in mount pleasant. have you ever been to this place? and i said, no, that looks too cool for me. and then
1:10:07 uh, they said it is. and then they got some, they got some kind of not, um, wait, yes, i've been there vintage and something way. and you might actually be my biggest founder map mount pleasant. if you visited the restaurant that the other fan works at, wait a second. that might, you might've ticked over into biggest fan category then that's kind of crazy.
1:10:33 hey, enel, i only watched on youtube, but i watched the 40 year old virgin recently, didn't think it was that good. thought you should know. oh, you must be the first gen z to not fuck with judd apatow. no, man. it came for free with your fucking birth years, starting with a 2. already knew that. you weren't there in 05 when it came out in theaters.
1:10:54 how do you feel about the whitecaps getting kicked out? so honestly, i didn't really know that much about it. i knew there was scuttlebutt that the whitecaps might lose their team, like have it moved. but i didn't know how real it was until i went to the whitecaps subreddit and i saw that every single post was like, fuck all owners of this team forever. and then i was like, oh shit, they're actually losing it.
1:11:19 like it's actually... like if it was just like, i wish the media would stop reporting on the relocation rumor, that would be one thing, but they're literally like, it looks like this shit is written in the stars, which sucks ass because the white caps are apparently like awesome.
1:11:35 so i definitely, i mean, i feel for the whitecaps fans over that one because it's like the, i mean, a, they seem to have done very well for themselves in mls. i see people walking around like all the time in whitecaps gear, but also like b, it's the like one vancouver sports team that doesn't suck. so did you kill mr. new pc? people got mad at me for making ram so expensive. so i took it out of my title.
1:11:58 ram actually is insane though. well, yeah, i know because like my my hvac guy was telling me ram was insane he says he shoots drone videos and then he brings the videos like into his pc to edit them and
1:12:14 but his ram got busted. if he ever imports a file over 400 megabytes, his computer blue screens and he's like saving up for new ram because ram is like $600 a stick or something like that right now. like he was losing his mind and honestly i think he was right to do so. 400 megabytes? yeah, i swear to you he said 400 megabytes and then i said that's not a lot and he went yeah i know especially when you're dealing with video.
1:12:41 doubles block from a card then goes to sleep for two turns. you know what, man? let's try it out. i've literally never, i haven't ever given it the time of day. to be frank with you, that was begging for a daniel plainview. to be honest with you, i've never even given it the time of day. that may change right now. post haste, h w, draft a letter. take narration.
1:13:10 daniel plainview sounds like bane without the mask. fuck. they fucking figured out the... they figured out the fucking impression. no! no! oh! but the jack nicholson is singular. the jack nicholson is based on nothing but his spirit. why don't you show your piehole and give me an anchor relic?
1:13:36 there's certain things in there, there's elements of other characters. christian slater is certainly in there, maybe a few other individuals as well. i actually think we discard this, believe it or not. other day i learned that as someone with a mole, i can do a de niro just by pulling a sad face. that's very valuable. i do want to say, i had a de niro for a while, but i can only get my face to do it if i don't think about it.
1:14:04 like if i try to think about getting that like the muppet face with like the upside down frown, i can't do it. i can't do it. i can't do it. beaker from the muppets? well, that's kind of what i'm going for, but i can't get there, man. i can't get there. is john the most competitive first name leaderboard? no, man. i mean, these days, olivia's given it a run for his money.
1:14:30 basically, long story short, if you don't have a child in your life, you may not know that every child on earth between the age of zero and nine is named olivia. how old are the khaleesi girls now? can i say something? all the hand wringing over, i think i did this bit a while ago, so i apologize. librarian, can you back this up?
1:14:49 i find the khaleesi stuff, i find it virtue signaling. i think there's like nine to ten people on earth named khaleesi and a hundred thousand people that are like, i feel so bad for them. bro, it's okay. they'll be all right. like, can i get a little crazy and say it's kind of about as embarrassing to be named khaleesi even if the character ended as the good guy?
1:15:14 like it's bad enough to just be named khaleesi to start with. like it doesn't make it that much worse than in season eight she kind of broke bad. everyone like they're leaving reddit comments like, oh rip to all the people who named their kid khaleesi now that she's a bad guy. bro, they named their kid khaleesi. they got bigger problems. anyone else go to school with an abcde? no, i didn't. and can i say something? if this is true, i apologize, but you didn't either. i don't believe that you did.
1:15:43 what about all the adults named quasimodo? okay, well listen, your parents named you quasimodo. it's kind of your fault for being an ugly baby. no disrespect. my friend's mom is named karen. okay, that's one you can be a little sympathetic for, but like at the same time, i don't feel sorry because people are judging them based on the name. i feel sorry because of the fact that probably every time they meet someone, they have to
1:16:08 endures some kind of comment that's like, oh, that's an unfortunate name. but it's really, isn't it only unfortunate because of the fact that you're having the conversation about how unfortunate it is? like being a karen doesn't innately mean that you complain to management. i'm pretty sure like the haircut is what makes you evil, not the name. so i would blame the barber more than i would blame, you know, your parents on that one.
1:16:34 you definitely know some people with the haircut. my toxic trait is that i think the karen haircut looks good. i actually think the karen haircut looks all right. now, sometimes they go a little too far with it. they shave it a little too high up or something like that and they make it a little too angled. but there are good karen haircuts out there, man. but you're asking a bald guy for hair opinions. this is the worst take you've ever had? nah, man, you've seen the haircut where people, you haven't seen people wear the haircut like i have.
1:17:03 you ever see kate gosselin? what's a bad haircut then? oh, i don't know. i think the broccoli haircut's kind of fire too. i never, i don't think i ever had enough hair to even as a child to have done the broccoli haircut. well, i think if you're like 14, the broccoli haircut probably feels awesome, man. worst take was calling stretching fake. don't, don't go to google scholar. there's horrible news for you at google scholar.
1:17:29 put your palms on the floor while standing up right now, buddy? yeah, but i don't necessarily think like that has any merit to it, you know? like i'm not saying it doesn't. all i'm saying is like, what if it doesn't? if lebron stretches, i'm a stretch too? okay, listen, that's a logic that ends up with you watching tom and jerry before school, which actually in some circumstances might be the play. but if he loses this fight, it invalidates all his takes. sorry, librarian.
1:18:03 it was before the fall when they wrote it on the wall when there wasn't even any hollywood. this game stinks. it's like a deckload of cards! who made this? fred fung? luce hommes de soleil? no, no, no, no. we are not the sun, bro. you're talking like as my mistress's eyes or some shit like that. who do you think i am? shakespeare? i was watching chibile's stream.
1:18:33 he did a myers briggs personality test. how the fuck does the myers briggs foundation know that william shakespeare was like, intf or something like that? how the fuck do they know that shakespeare he lived 600 years ago, bro! there's no shot they know that. they think we're stupid, man. yo, this psg vs. bayern match is crazy.
1:18:59 oh yeah, i'm hearing it's the most high scoring football game ever. the score is one nil. oh man, that means one to zero. i felt, it felt real nice. it felt real nice to say it was all i'm going to say, man. somebody's gotta, somebody's gotta make the bold joke. and the thing about jokes is that there's always a little truth in them, but someone's got to make the bold joke.
1:19:30 that they don't be scoring a lot of goals in football matches most of the time. what about brazil versus germany? okay, that was literally 12 years ago. also, i like soccer. we got to save the whitecaps. chat, how can i save the whitecaps? i'm not buying the team. i'm pretty sure it's steve nash is one of the owners. he's got me cleared. find someone to buy it? i was that some of the cope on the whitecap subreddit like it's gallows humor, but it made me laugh.
1:19:56 they were like, our only hope is to convince chip wilson's kids to get interested in soccer so the lululemon guy decides to buy the team as a vanity project and i'm like, man if that's
1:20:10 has anyone ever thought to ask chip wilson if he'll buy the wi i wonder if anyone's ever slid that across chip wilson's desk considering we have like, i don't know, two billionaires who live in our city. give them better concession cuts at bc place. it is fucked up that the whole thing is gonna fall apart because they only get like 10% of concession sales or something like that. like that's criminal man. white caps are 8 0 1?
1:20:35 they're really good man, that's the worst part. i mean, fuck it bro. i don't even watch soccer. i'd probably rather have the white caps than the canucks. it could change if we get the first pick in the draft. that would really help. they're not edmonton, no can do. bro, i added another team to the i'll be mad if they win the lottery list. obviously toronto's on there. obviously university of south florida's on there.
1:21:03 but if the islanders win, i think i'm gonna be pissed too. not because i hate the islanders, but because they just got hunter schafer. they literally won the draft lottery to get hunter schafer. there's no shot they should be winning two draft lotteries with such low odds.
1:21:16 habs versus bolts is sick. it's literally, it's one of the best play well, i was gonna say let's not go crazy, but i was gonna say it's one of the best playoff series i've ever seen, but i think it's just i'm blinded by the youthful swag on the montreal canadiens. and the fact like my whole life until i moved to vancouver, i was a canadiens fan, and even the teams that were pretty good were full of like old motherfuckers, and they never had like exciting young players.
1:21:42 the most exciting player they had was like saku koivu and then, and i mean he's the goat don't get me wrong, but also alexei kovalev who like two out of three nights would not do anything and then one out of three nights would get like five points. so the fact that they have like, i don't know, at least three young players who are like under the age of 24 and are actually good and exciting is kind of mind blowing for me to be honest.
1:22:11 wild versus stars too? yeah, i hope i hope quinn hughes experience is like nothing but misery for the rest of his life in all i said to you s2c. i was gonna say in all domains even beyond the professional i do i do hope his heart is broken in the first in his first series here. and then i also hope that the same thing happens next year and i
1:22:39 and then he leaves minnesota. i hope that he leaves minnesota having never accomplished anything in the wild. i hope their subreddit for the rest of my life is just full of people being like the quinn hughes trade was like the beginning of the end. that's pretty much, that would be like a dream come true for me. i didn't say i want to do a race his existence. i said i wanted him to suffer.
1:23:05 like i don't want him to get physically hurt, but i want like i want him to be in like a psychological bind for sure. i don't think there's anything wrong with that. i'm gonna make a little bet by the way. i'm gonna make a bet that one of these question marks is a damn shop. what the fuck is this luck? here it comes. how come your runs always look like this and mine are so jacked up? must be something to do with the game. true change comes from within buddy.
1:23:42 what the fuck? yo, what just happened? it finally happened. this is the fake merchant? shout out justin bieber. you know my mom told me she got embarrassed because she was listening to the radio and she was like this song sounds really nice. and then she found out it was a justin bieber song. i remember my uncle who was a huge fan of kiss and also the glam rock band t rex.
1:24:14 he was so excited because he found a new song that he liked and then he showed it to us and it was by hanson. it was like hanson's post post mmbop song. but like several years later and he himself felt like he could not recover from the generational aura loss. which to be honest, i mean i can understand it man.
1:24:40 i mean even myself, i have detroit rock city on my peloton playlist. every time it comes on i skip it. i'm like why is this shit on the playlist man? 4 2 for psg. okay wait, i apologize for my words and my deeds. actually like that does seem like a very high scoring, uh, very high scoring football match. do you know blue jeans? like the pant or the k pop band? i feel like it's like what kind of pants... go with me on this one. what kind of pants does the pink panther wear?
1:25:09 it's kind of a riff on an old classic, but he doesn't wear any. he has slacks. can i get a check on that? i haven't actually, i've never seen a pink panther movie. chad, be honest. i know you're mad. i know you're mad that i'm standing on business on this run. it's okay. you can be mad. i'm so fucking mad.
1:25:44 i watch to see you win. oh don't, it's beneath, it's beneath you to just tell lies. no need to go and chat and tell lies, misrepresent the whole situation. i root for you in all other games but in this one i want you to fail. that's fair because it means, you know why? because the videos are so good it means you get more of them. the more i lose the more videos you get.
1:26:06 i am 100% convinced that mega crit gives streamers a different experience from the rest of us. despite having a deck 50% larger than mine with half as many block cards, you still manage to draw them exactly when you need while i will go multiple hands in a row without seeing one. and this isn't even far fetched as you can actually put in a special code that i'm sure they gave you to promote the game. play the game as the rest of us do and see if you can win without cheating. nah, sorry nephew, i'm sorry to say. first off, that's w bait. but also,
1:26:30 what can i say? it's honestly, it's just the 3000 hours difference, man. i know a lot of people just got into slay the spire 2 because it just came out, but playing a little slay the spire, you know, playing it for eight years gives you some pretty good habits. and also, if i may say so, some pretty bad ones. curious what your win rates are? i don't know. let's fucking check the, let's check the character stats, man. not too damn good. 43 wins, 32 losses.
1:27:03 on the ironclad we're at 9 and 5, the silent we're at 10 and 10, regent we're at... well i don't want to say it. i don't really want to say it. necrobinder we're at 8 and 4 and then defect we're at 7 and 2 man. i don't want a stone humidifier bro because we ain't resting. give me two transforms. holy fuck. wait they synergize? maybe i am on the streamer client bro.
1:27:32 this is awesome. first attack each turn does 50% additional damage. this is incredible, man. i'll take a clumsy for a random relic. oh, all of the attacks we add to our deck for the rest of the game are going to be upgraded? oh, shit. bro's gonna lose this run? why are you talking like julie delpy at the end of before sunset? you ain't julie delpy. i am. oh my god, julie!
1:28:08 julie, i loved you in, um, but i'm a cheerleader. i didn't expect to see you there, but i loved you. julie, julie, we loved you, julie. we did. we love defy. why do you sound like trump? it's a coincidence, julie. it's just mere, it's mere happenstance, julie. they're saying don't play the card that makes you lose strength before you play your attacks. they're saying play the attacks first, julie. they don't love you like i love you, julie.
1:28:38 so someone said, do you ever worry that your voice will get stuck in trump cadence and you'll never be able to get it back? yes. yes, 100%. i do worry about that. and it sometimes does go down like that, to be honest with you. there are times i find myself by myself talking with a little bit of a trump cadence without the impression, but with the trump cadence, which is a scary thought.
1:29:08 is ludwig actually here? wouldn't that be something, man? but it was crazy when my wife pulled into chat yesterday and said, did you know ludwig is inbred? but then she was telling me about it last night at dinner. and i got to say it put a lot of things in the perspective for me. have you seen his face? he's literally handsome. there are some thumbnails i think where it appears that
1:29:38 some malevolent individual has like photoshopped one eye to be smaller than the other one or like offset a little bit. he's handsome but his eyes are fucked. the asymmetry gives you something to look at. if you're too symmetrical, the human brain rejects it and goes, that's artifice. his parents are cousins? see that, no his grandparents, okay we almost put out a hit on him there. parents being cousins is crazy. grandparents is like, that might be the norm man.
1:30:11 one set of your grandparents being first cousins doesn't even seem that bad to me i mean certainly it can't possibly be worse than like the microplastics rich world that we've grown up in. oh good i got another curse anyone in chat ever kiss their cousin chat. you don't have to answer that. i wish man that's so crazy all i'm gonna say well, no, i'm not gonna say this but it would be funny to say that
1:30:56 the dude who literally created evolution said that it's okay. and i know that because he married his own cousin, bro. applejack is my favorite pony. i don't know. i don't know about that. if i'm being honest with you, i'm not 100% sure about that. i only know i know rainbow dash is the one with the rainbow tail. there's fluttershy. i feel like fluttershy might be orange. can i get a confirmation on that one way or the other? yellow? is there an orange one?
1:31:28 does any pony know what i'm talking about when i say this? that's applejack. okay. applejack is orange. unsettling love!
1:31:39 we definitely want to come here. why does so many chatters know this? i mean, don't make me back them up here because they were giving me hella grief on twitter in like 2013 for saying i think this brony thing is a fad. but it's because they were 14 in like 2012 or maybe they were 12 in 2012. like that's why they know you guys. i know this is a recurring bit, but you guys were on my fucking ass for saying that shit.
1:32:05 you were telling me, you were saying it's not a phase mom and i was like this just seems no disrespect because maybe you're right and i want to believe you but i would be stunned if for most of you this wasn't a phase. it would be very surprising to me. you're telling me bronies are still a thing? well without ruining anybody's life not only is it still like kind of a thing
1:32:33 kind of a thing. but the ones who are still doing it, i respect them more because they were obviously in it for the right reasons. they weren't just in it like because it was hip in the moment. they were in it because of the central tenants or whatever. so those are the, as far as i'm concerned, those are the true believers. how smooth brained am i if black diamond bay is my favorite bob dylan song? i think there's multiple different ways to play this. one is
1:33:03 well, i'd say for certain you're either an absolute moron or alternatively, you're the smartest bob dylan fan of all time. it depends on did you arrive on that after listening to thousands and thousands of hours of bob dylan? if so, i think you're the smartest bob dylan fan that's ever existed. if you heard five songs and that's just the one that you went, oh, this one's this is the cutest one. then i think that you've got some work to do. but
1:33:32 the bar isn't high. the bar is never higher. he's the greatest songwriter in the united states of america. now in japan, i don't know because i don't speak japanese. but they're probably doing some good stuff over there too if i had to guess. not a great singer though? yeah, but who cares? this ain't american idol, bro. he's making art. d train's an insane movie, but i kind of like it. you should kind of like it because it's actually good.
1:33:58 it also is one of the reasons, one of the many movies that solidifies why i will never sell my jack black stock. he has that dog in him, man. we gotta get him off the fucking minecraft team.
1:34:17 clearly you didn't watch anaconda that's literally like a self owned to waste your time or money watching anaconda i'm not going to take any responsibility for that like obviously like does he does he do some movies for the money yeah bro obviously he does some movies for the money if nine wait one two three four five seven eight say that again one two three one two three four five six
1:34:56 7, 8... i didn't even have shit in my draw pile man. oh wait you're dead anyway. that wasn't even bad. i didn't even read it, i literally just clicked it. i meant to read it but i sent a message. this is why i don't stream after 2 man. give me my cards that do damage please. we have one of my cards that does damage. nah man i might eat dirt on this one. nice order.
1:35:58 i have lethality, i have to i know you're saying, play the zero cost ostni card because then it cycles back into your hand. i would rather it do 75% more damage on my card that does 60 damage, but maybe i'm a different kind of beast. all i need to do is draw five cards and then play eidolon. transfigure on barry would have gone crazy. yeah, what did i what happened to transfigure, man? is there i should be able to click on it and see where i fucked up. i put it on friendship like a fucking idiot, man! what was i thinking? i don't need 8 energy!
1:36:39 tell me why someone on my friends list named choo choo just went live playing deadlock and their avatar is the nlss splash screen, man. what the fuck are we doing here? who are you, man? i don't know you. that's bear, okay? never mind, never mind. i do know him. i do know him. w queen, you got me. anyway, um, it was still a good run regardless. i should have played transfigure properly.
1:37:08 for now though, slash marker slay the spire, i'm gonna send you over to my wife's stream. i hope you've enjoyed yourself. if you did, click the like button is what i would say if this was a youtube video. otherwise, i will see you tomorrow. tomorrow's wednesday. what are we gonna do on wednesday? we have to go back to tomodachi life now that i added fuck ass 83 year old brian wilson to the island. and niles crane. and can i just say you're not ready for brian wilson's voice.
1:37:33 because he, in the same way that bob dylan has a certain cadence in tomodachi life, i managed to get the vocoder to give kind of like a little bit of that classic brian williams harmony. you know when he goes like, there are words we both should say. he hits a note i can't hit. don't talk, put your head, not brian williams, my bad. that's the dude from the, it's the dude from nbc, right? anyway.
1:38:08 bye!
1:38:29 you make me feel like i'm living a teenage dream the way you suck me off, i know and don't ever look baby with your ripped up jeans and your skin tight jeans and your teenage jeans tonight that's a banger too but you didn't have to suck me up
1:38:53 put my underpants down and throw my member but you didn't have to bite it off and spit it out and get me feel so low what? something like that? i didn't write the song dude, it's something like that, okay? leave those parodies to justin. i still think about it every time i hear the song, which is like every 80s ride on peloton.
1:39:18 john cougar mellencamp's jack and diane. sucking off chilly dudes inside the morgue's deep freeze. jack's wearing a winter coat. he's got a pillow underneath his knees. let them rock, let them roll. let the bible belt come and save my soul.
1:39:40 i think about your pisses on my lips like all the time. because your piss, your piss is on my lips. because your piss, your piss i can't resist. because your piss is on my lips. when i turn out the lights. i have vanessa carlton's song stuck in my head except it's
1:40:05 suckin' at the downtown, suckin' fast, station's past and i'm homebound. and i throat you. i don't know why i'm using throat. i guess because you need a lot of synonyms for suck in order to make the song feel clever. and i piss you.