millennial siren song - Bits and Banter [07⧸22⧸2026]

Name: millennial siren song - Bits and Banter [07⧸22⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-07-25
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "millennial siren song - Bits and Banter [07⧸22⧸2026]" — 226 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-07-25

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0:00 anyone else live in british columbia wake up at like 1204 a.m. last night when they sent out the 200 decibel klaxon yeah, yeah, wait a world bro. wait a world. i didn't get one this time i mean you have to be careful. obviously, we hope everybody is safe and and is recovered but also at some point i think we need to have a rational conversation about like if the best way to get people to pay attention to alerts
0:31 is to pair them with a 200 decibel alarm and then the only way to get the alarm to stop is to press the ok button that also makes the alert go away. you think maybe it might be a little bit more effective at disseminating the message if you just put the message on the screen so when people wake up and look at their phone they actually have a chance to read the message instead of going, ah! and just pressing the ok button as quickly as possible. you get alert, pay attention.
1:03 i'm sending the alert out over the airwaves. pay attention, you get something. now, earthquake?
1:11 solar flare nuclear blasts or something like that nuclear blast. yeah, man, you got to send that alert although probably if i'm being real i would probably get annoyed with it too because i remember when kate and i were in japan and at like 6 30 in the morning our phones were like get to cover there's gonna be an earthquake and then all the posts on our japan were like why did they wake me up in tokyo when the earthquake was? 100 kilometers north of me
1:40 they were all like, you know, this is the one day i get off from work and they woke me up at 6 15 am because of an earthquake that's 25 kilometers away.
1:49 i'd probably be like that. i mean, i'm cut from the same stone as anybody else, man. did you see that ricky hates me and thus dbj also hates me? no, i had dbj's chat open and everyone was saying, we fuck with yeti here. they were saying yeti was a casualty of nl's mods, but we got no problem with yeti here. so why are you farming sympathy here, yeti? why are you lying when in dbj's chat you were welcomed, i think?
2:15 see, ricky, i know, because i've given him a lot of purchase here and then he's trying to mold it to construct his own narrative. i keep going into dan's always on asking,
2:30 asking where's laoban and then everyone goes pto today i'm afraid and then eight different people post the dang hug emote with good morning at exactly the same time and say stuff like you have an unripped pack in your in your dang packs backpack right now and then i just close the tab as fast as possible. i'm not gonna get sucked into the dan always online channel culture it's not it's just not gonna happen for a guy like me but you do you you do you
3:01 can you read this? wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can i read? you gotta be careful because this is the sort of thing where like imagine how much damage you could do to an esl streamer that understands phonics by just typing out horrible stuff and them being like, yeah, i can read this and not knowing what it means, but knowing how to say it. me, very excited to learn a language. you, i'm about to ruin this guy's life. luckily chinese isn't like that because you have to learn each character individually.
3:30 and then someone in chat's going to be like, no, no, that's not true. many of the characters are made up of multiple characters. it said, hello, ryan. li hao ru, ruiyuan. is that it? that could be my chinese name. i can stop calling myself chung long. dude, i should make my chinese name corey. oh, that, and then speak it around corey. and so he thinks i'm talking about him and he's doing a great, great bit.
4:00 making my chinese name corey so every time i talk chinese with corey around he thinks i'm talking shit about him that's like those gas like the shit out of him least annoying language learner you doing any self improvement goggy you got anything pulling your life in like it? you know, i'm not even gonna say a positive direction because i think i don't want to put like a value judgment on it but are you like pursuing anything that challenges yourself and pushes your limits and
4:25 yeah, i'm learning japanese. okay, well, you know what? so you get it. so you know what? that's fair. it does take one to know one. you're not wrong about that. why not push your limits for something useful? mohammed's the most common name in the fucking world. read a book sometime. super bad.
4:42 he's yet to show us he actually has the game installed. hey, you've yet to show me that you've peddled the bike that you said you were going to buy. just one problem. spelunky two is 300 megabytes. pushing the pedals requires a complete change of your psyche, which technically, technically could be faster because you could do it instantaneously. so you actually have an advantage. wait, i posted the bike after i bought it. all right, buddy, whatever you say.
5:07 does anyone know what this guy is talking about? why are you here? i love perceiving the people who think that i should never perceive them. and get it twisted! at least for now you're dealing with a guy who has a really, really fucked up memory. so, e cap, you will always be, why would you ever buy pomelos next time you go to disneyland just drive out to a wealthy neighborhood and pick pomelos off their front lawns for free?
5:33 you will always be that for me. that's not what i said. well, where did you tell me to do it? and maoist critical, and it pains me to say that because they have a great name and a great avatar, will always be the person who is like concocting thought experiments where no matter what happens in traffic, the driver is 100% in the wrong. where if a
5:58 pedestrian walked up to your driver's side window and smashed it with a hammer you would be like well you're still the guy driving the car so at worse it would have to be maybe 50 50. and what's weird for me is that some of you
6:13 i have like the full name. some of you just have a letter because of streamer mode? so honestly you can type whatever you want if somehow streamer mode just puts you on a letter. i don't know how it works though, i don't really know the discord meta. i don't know what a server boost is. i only recently learned what the wumpus is.
6:31 wumpa still around look you could be i don't know how you do it, but you could do it check this out wumpus it's just wave. it's a sticker called the wave no, but when i do it. it's just a hand. that's crazy how'd you do that?
6:44 you know what's crazy about being on discord? sometimes in the peloton discord, people will send stickers of my face and then i click on the sticker and it's like, this is from a private discord. no more information is available. and i'm like, it's my face. i feel like there should be an extra button that's like, this image is me. can i see where it's from? i'd like to know. i mean, maybe i wouldn't like to know, but i'm curious at the very least.
7:12 a subtle distinction. nl funny. it's a sticker of me saying, holy shit that's funny. this sticker is from a server that is either invite only or unavailable. wait, okay, lion mogging. that's from this way. i really like peace, love and harmony from chiblee's discord that's just a dog in a suit. oh, that one's good too. oh, lion offals from this discord. i will say the discord culture of all the internet places has got one of the best cultures.
7:43 posting the trump mugshot on a sticker and then the first react is a reddit upvote arrow. i mean like they know what they're doing with that one. how about this one? smiley face drinking a beer? it's from the north america ultimate rating final fantasy xiv server. okay, whatever you say. holy cow, that's a lot of stickers. sorry to the mods. all right, let's play some spelunky 2.
8:09 i don't know, how does the theme song go in spelunky 2? hello jay! me when i see jay in chat, hello jay! me when i see jay has left a review on letterboxd, jay watch the movie! jay watch the movie!
8:28 you ever think about being an ai ghost in the future? yeah, um, but like i'm literally i'm not even fucking with you even though this is a joke. it's also real i'm gonna write in my will that i don't approve of that shit now given the nature of like software i can't really stop it but i can at least be like at least only people that like don't like me can turn me into a ghost but also it doesn't bother me a ton one of the reasons it doesn't bother me a ton is because that's not me
8:55 it would bother me if like, if my family thought they were reanimating me by making an ai version of myself. because to me i would see that as like making an attempt to sidestep grief artificially without actually getting anything meaningful out of it. but like if someone else was like, hey look i made an ai that sounds like nl, i'm pretty sure people would just be like okay, whatever.
9:22 cool, dude. it would be the sticker, you probably got it, where it's like a bunch of people are in a circle talking and then one of the faces leans out with a big thumbs up or something like that and then they all go back to talking. i don't think people would give a fuck at all, man. because people will really be like, oh, i can make an ai that sounds just like a person. bro, people don't give a fuck about the people that already exist. care even less about the fake people that you're making up in your damn pc.
9:49 they could tell you like the saddest story you've ever heard about a stranger and they'd be like, hmm boring. i think you fundamentally misunderstand human interaction quite frankly. you fundamentally don't understand the way that human beings like assign weight to things in their own lives. you sound a little silly. you sound a little silly. i haven't played spelunky 2. literally the last time i played it was september of 2021. so it's been a minute.
10:20 i don't know if i have anything even like unlocked. i'm excited to play though. what made you go back? i thought, hey, it's been a while since i played spelunky. actually, to be fair also, you're absolutely right. i did see that jerma was playing tf2 yesterday. and i said to myself, you know what? if he can play tf2, i can play spelunky, bro. i don't always have to be crashing out, you know, playing isaac going like, what did they do to the damage upgrades? i could be playing anything, man.
10:55 the muscle memory never runs out. now, that being said, the regular memory does run out a little bit. i don't even remember what the skeleton key does, to be quite frank with you. it opens all doors, but doesn't it break when we use it once? or am i tweaking? am i off the pen? don't hit me with three question marks. i'm asking you an honest question.
11:18 like when you google how to talk to girls, does it come back with three question marks? no, it probably spits out some stupid shit from like grok or something like that that you should not listen to. probably says some dumb shit like, oh be genuinely curious, ask them about themselves. no bro, talk about dragon ball z. it only has to work once, okay? this is the boss level. i forgot how to kill this guy, man. there's a few things you can do. you can definitely
11:49 throw 30 skulls at him. you can throw rocks at him 10 times. holy cow. well, there's one. that's two. that's bad. why was i so nervous fighting this guy before? you literally just throw... you just throw shit at him. it's not a problem at all. where did he go, man? he's disappeared. oh, you can't... i thought i was i show speed for a second. not bad, guys. i thought i was i show speed. didn't charge the haptic vest.
12:47 i'm literally preserving charge on the haptic vest because on friday we're doing super battle golf with the haptic vest. you get the dongle fixed? my wife fixed it for me and then she also saw that i had every usb enabled device plugged into my computer at the same time and she said, hey you shouldn't have your electric razor, your theragun and your shocks open to your headphones plugged into the pc at the same time, it's bad for your computer. and i went, oh okay,
13:17 so she got me a little like a plug that has a bunch of ports that i could just plug it into the wall instead. how about that? why were you charging your shaver off your computer? because everything charges via usb these days. and when i think of usb, what do i think of? i think of a computer. i mean, if you give me an electronic device, the way to charge it is to plug a usb cable into a usb port. i'm putting it in the computer, man. because they used to
13:47 always include like a charger with every single electronic and then at some point they went well you got a like a bag of chargers somewhere so we're just gonna put in the plug but now i actually have not enough plugs and and too many cables because everybody stopped including the plug i got no idea what i'm looking at can't bring a turkey through that's crazy i mean of all the games to say that about especially in the fucked up world where like every single game that you play has like
14:18 15,000 hud elements. spelunky is like one of the purest games out there. you're a guy and when things hit you, you usually take damage. the only thing that's like the opposite of that is like, you know, when you get a dog to the exit, you've rescued a maiden which gives you hp. that simple. all you got is whip, bomb and rope.
14:40 but there's a lot that are definitely true standouts. i'm a people's party guy, to be honest with you. at least as of right now, i'm a people's parties guy. look at that shit. we own you. we own you. and then you don't go through the exit, you pray. with the bomb straight down. i'm gonna try to do it. oh! that one reached up and got me.
15:18 it's the lucky kind of a breath of fresh air. i do like listen, we're all cursed to live long enough to get exactly what we thought we want, right? so roguelikes have become the most popular genre on the planet. but
15:33 none of them are copying the elegant goat, man. maybe because it's inimitable. maybe because spelunky is so elegant. it's so difficult to design something that even comes close to it. it's much easier to just be like, hey, there's three different items. you know, one of them gives you plus 0.1% attack speed. one of them gives you plus 1% damage. and one of them gives you like plus one health. but there's something about an elegant game, man. it's basically just like procedurally generated la mulana. i'm taking a chance on this one.
16:04 but people honestly, they don't want elegance anymore. if they want like, i don't know, for some reason they want the games to become more information dense even though they're playing them while watching a korean reality show on netflix and listening to an audiobook in chinese at the same time. i don't fully get it. you gotta go, man. yeah, i don't remember how to do this. whatever. we'll derive it from base principles. how do you feel about that?
16:38 anyone here applying for the miami heat youtube channel creator role? i did see that they apparently accidentally made live a lebron james joining the miami heat announcement. but there is a part of me that doesn't care because i don't watch basketball. but then there's also a part of me that thinks, wouldn't this just be a great way for like the washington wizards to sell season tickets or something like that? like, hey, we don't have any season ticket holders. make everybody think we're going to get lebron. why'd you just type ryan?
17:09 you think i don't recognize your name? you so and so? should i even call you by your twitch username or should i just say the person who was constantly getting sumos in the mahjong tournament and thus eliminated me by proxy? the person in the mahjong tournament who didn't want me to play mahjong. they just wanted to draw tiles until they got a valid yaku. now go ahead, say the line i didn't think you noticed. is you playing spelunky a recession indicator?
17:37 can you explain what a recession indicator would be without using the words indicator or recession? prices are up. a sign of down times. i was playing a fun game, a sign of down times. riddle me this, jerma was playing tf2. jerma likes tf2. i think it's a sign, if you see jerma playing tf2, it's a sign that tf2 is a game that he enjoys.
18:01 even open cases. yeah, but opening cases in tf2 is not a recession indicator because that's not gambling because they're not worth anything, right? like in cs, cs is gambling because there's upside potential but in tf2, aren't you just getting like shit that makes the demoman look a little cooler? the items change the gameplay? that is true. when you get that sword for the demoman... ah shit, dude. i guess i'll just be dead. he's gonna throw it at me.
18:33 i gotta go back, i gotta go back because he's gonna throw ahhh! oh my god, i almost gave myself a charley horse. for some reason i thought he would be coming from the far side of the monitor, i didn't think he would be like right there. it's a sign that the medium of video games is in decline. why, because i'm not playing marathon? i kind of yes, okay, alright, fair enough. marathon's pretty good though? yeah, that's the problem. they're all pretty good. they ain't spelunky too though. sure, man? i'm sure it's i'm sure it's good! you know, it's made by talented people.
19:05 and i'm sure that it would be better if they got more of a say in it. that's just my hunch, you know, i think i wear my innate biases on my sleeve. talented people who got laid off. that's why actually star citizen, smartest developers out there. because if the game is done, they don't need you anymore. they lay you off. if the game's never finished, they can never lay you off because they need you to finish the game.
19:32 literally, you're making fun of the most talented developers of all time. the fact that the game is never done is the point. and play star citizen? recession indicator, i'm afraid. always nice when you get the easy callback. doesn't always happen. why would you do that? what's messed up is that as i was climbing the ladder, i was thinking about what i was going to say when i got hit by the arrow instead of my brain going, well, don't climb the ladder.
20:04 and now i got a, and it's gonna anger the shot, and it's all over. this was a beautiful floor. no, it's not all over. costco giving out water is a recession indicator? yeah, i don't think so. i think for me, and it's controversial, i think a recession indicator, the big one is three quarters consecutively of declining gdp. that's one of the most important. you only need two these days, deflation.
20:32 mcchicken prices rose by 30%. not for me. only time i ever eat one is when they accidentally put one in the bag when i order a mcdouble. shit's the same price it's always been, bro. free. i think we should deflate prices instead of inflating them. yeah, but is your wage generated by engaging in commerce? because then you will also get less money to purchase things. no, i steal from banks.
20:58 well then you should like the fact that they're printing more money because there's more money for you to steal. oh but the money gets you less mcchickens. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. i gotta think about this. there's a way to get myself out of this. you have to steal more money to get the same amount of mcchickens which is messed up. would you punt baby yoda if you could get away with it? why are british people always asking me if i would punt things bro? the advanced stats show that if it's shorter than fourth and two you should just go for it every single time man.
21:30 obviously you guys don't know shit about sabermetrics. sabermetrics is baseball? no, they also have sabermetrics in hockey. it's called losses because of the buffalo sabres. bro, listen to your wife. is ryuka throw up somewhere? i hate this damn vomit. i can't stand this damn vomit. your cats do that a lot.
22:05 i'm gonna push back against internet propaganda. me as a kid, my parents telling me, oh cats just throw up. me as an adult, cats throwing up is like people throwing up. if you threw up once a week, you wouldn't think that everything is okay. meanwhile, my cats have thrown up once a week their entire lives. every time we take them to the vet, they're like, wow, they're in the, they're a perfect picture of health for cats that are 13 years old.
22:32 i'm telling you, i've taken the black pill. cats just throw up. they just throw up. you can give them different food? yeah! we've had them since like term one of the obama administration, bro. we've given them like 13 different kinds of food. they just throw up. they're licking their own ass all the time when it has shit on it. when they have shit on their ass, we're like, oh, you didn't lick all the shit off your ass. of course they're going to throw up. i was at my parents' house on sunday. their cat threw up.
23:01 it saw me, ate like way too much food and then just chucked all the food onto the floor, bro. i'm telling you, every cat i've ever seen in my entire life is within, i'm gonna say at a maximum of 10 days of either their last or their next vomit. smartest cat of all time. threw up in the ceramic food dish. aka, easiest vomit cleaning of all time. tomo on the other hand,
23:29 we'll just throw up like on top of your controller. just i honestly think he's just to say fuck you man. i do think that if it's possible ryuka is a reincarnated person. yeah, by the way, if you've modded the game so you can see how many swings are left in the compass, what's it like to have no soul? compass, i mean pickaxe, you know what i meant steve.
23:58 oh, the compass shows the second door. of course. i don't know why i said that. the compass shows the second door! someone in discord did get me laughing last night when they said, costco guys voice an inning ending double play!
24:13 i imagine you gotta make up like little stuff like that during the baseball season just to keep yourself entertained. especially if you root for one of the, i don't know, 80% of the teams that from week two basically has no chance to make the playoffs, including the blue jays. yang looks stressed out, i don't wanna deal with him right now. couldn't have just given me like a weapon, huh? i mean there's a boomerang but it's too scary. i'm thinking like what if you took the shield, crushed this dude and then turned around really fast.
25:03 oh shit, don't jump. all right, slickest, slickest heist of all time. whoa, no, no, no, no, not after everything we've been through. idiot. i'd really like to get a shotgun. i guess i probably crushed all the other ones. not all of them. my god, you scared the shit out of me, bro. obviously, you have to die. that's gonna leave a mark. shit.
26:38 let's run it back. i feel like i'm getting my sea legs back underneath. this is why spelunky's the goat, man. guide to the agro crag. holy fuck, i wanted to be on nickelodeon guts when i was a kid, man. ride that fucking tricycle around the outside of the arena. feel bad as an adult. every once in a while you'll see a clip from nickelodeon guts and it's obvious they didn't wait until everybody understood the rules to start. so red team's got 40 points, purple team's got
27:09 27 points and then blue team has like one point. they don't understand you got to put the ball in your own basket. you're not supposed to put it in the other team's baskets. do you have it? i think i would have done fine on guts back and i think i would have put in a respectable performance for my age group.
27:30 sometimes they'll have eight year olds going up against 12 year olds. yo, but low key that's kind of like what it's like when you have your kid in like sports and activities and shit like that. you'll be bringing your three year old to shit and then there'll be like another kid who is, i don't know, like four inches taller than them and can like write perfectly, like has good penmanship. and then you're like, how old are they? and they're like, they're only three. and you're like, there's different threes man.
27:57 is that a january 1st 3 or is that like a november 25th 3? because there's a big fucking difference. like you got to realize when kids are starting kindergarten some of those kids are like 20% older. they've lived 20% more life on earth than some of the other kids man. and when you get up to like you know the 12th grade what is like 2% maybe something like that. but when you get up when you're
28:25 talking about like a quarter of their life. that's crazy. so my advice to you, let's say you're like six months pregnant right now. you're having that baby. oh, that's bad for you. you don't want to be having that baby in late october, november, something like that. you got to hold it in. you got to hold it in january, january 1st for he's a good jolly good fellow. as soon as you hear old lang sign, push, push because that baby
28:56 being in the... the ghost is coming i'm realizing. but that baby being in the womb for 13 months, they got harvard written all over them. although it's different in the us because i forgot you guys don't do... in canada we're crazy, we're crazy. the kids that are in kindergarten go from january 1st of like
29:19 three or four years prior to december 31st. whereas in america, the year starts on september 1st if you're if you're in a school makes a lot of sense. they just do things better back down there. how many turkeys you think a jetpack is worth? i'd rather have the i'd rather have one turkey than one jetpack. the concept of a jetpack is cool. i'm sure when you
29:43 get used to it, it's as mundane as any other miraculous form of transportation but also like feels that much scarier. i feel like a jetpack like it honestly doesn't solve any problem for me that i have in my life and it possibly creates a whole host of problems. like we got people in the chat who are like i don't know how to ride a bike who are like but a jetpack would fix me. no it wouldn't bro you're gonna obviously die in an explosion.
30:11 it's gotta be like a licensing bureau or something. you just don't get, you don't think about it for more than half a second. my friend won't even ride one of those e scooters and he wants a jet pack? okay, well that's like smart but dumb. because he shouldn't be riding the e scooters. not riding the e scooters is very smart. they've started to issue warnings in vancouver that were like, please don't ride these and if you ride them, please wear a helmet. because people keep, i mean not to make light of the situation, but people keep dying by
30:40 not even, like, getting into accidents is like too passive of a voice to use. they keep dying by crashing into a car. like they're t boning the car. their head is hitting the pavement and they're dying in the hospital as a result of that. so they had to issue warnings that were like, we'd prefer if you didn't use it. but what's crazy to me is that there's all these like e scooter injuries and not once have i seen anyone eat shit on those like one wheels.
31:08 and every single time i see one, and it used to happen a lot more, like 2021, 2022, 2023, those things were ripping around vancouver. but never once have i seen anyone eat shit on those, even though you would expect that they'd be eating shit on those way more than they'd be eating shit on e scooters.
31:29 nothing feels better than learning the chinese new year sayings then ulting in front of some aunties when they give you the red envelopes. dude, i think honestly i might be the belle of the ball at chinese new year this year. i'm dead. they're not gonna expect a fellow like me to go, hong hong, sir, sir. they're gonna be like, what the fuck? has this guy been chinese the whole time? that's for french grandmas. okay, we're fucking bonafette to atwa or whatever. all right, meal of song catcher van d's enough. take one of those and call me in the morning.
32:02 you got four months to come up with an alt? chinese new year's. chinese new year's oftentimes in february, okay? you gotta be listening. you gotta wait for rua for that, okay? most of the time. it's usually on super bowl sunday, okay? you can't be saying that shit on january 1st. you're gonna look like a guilo. did you pick an nfl team yet?
32:24 i haven't even picked a name for my fantasy team for this year. certainly can't just be team northernlion again. it's my second year in the league, i gotta step up a little bit. made the playoffs last year, got a little heat on me. viking super bowl lock this year? oh yeah, but you guys gotta start 9. you can't be starting...
32:40 jacoby brissett or whoever you're gonna start who are you or uh kyler murray you can't be starting kyler murray kyler murray not the future the past bro i don't care if he's better than jj mccarthy you have to start jj mccarthy he's the future i'm in a real nfl team
32:56 i don't really care because i don't live in the united states of america, i guess. i'll just watch whoever's on. yeah, he's the future of ass? okay, first off, your team picked him, so don't be mad at me. secondly, it's not like kyler murray's gonna hit a growth spurt or something anytime soon, so buckle up. take it from somebody that had kyler and marvin harrison jr. on the damn squad last year. it's gonna be 17 weeks that are gonna feel like 4.25 months, let's put it that way.
33:25 cardinal stack is crazy. i literally got fleeced. i can admit it now, i got fleeced. i think there's a very important lesson there. i had three rb ones. i had jameer gibbs, kenneth walker iii, and kinshan judkins, and my rb and my qb were poor. so i said, you know what? i can afford to give up something at rb, pick up something at qb and wide receiver. i got fleeced. how'd you make the playoffs? nevertheless, chidoor persists, man.
33:57 kinshan jadkins! that's what it's all about. yep, i guess i'll get crushed and killed. you running it back with gibbs this year? well, i gotta see what pick i got. i think i learned something about the superflex leagues. last year was basically like when you start playing a fighting game and your friend doesn't teach you that there's like, you know, some spam that's tough to defend. the last year, nobody said, hey, it's superflex, make sure you take two good quarterbacks.
34:28 now, now that i know how to avoid the newbie trap, this is like the first real year of fantasy, i would say. also, i came second in the podcast league, so don't put that evil on me. only apollo was able to stop me. you have pick number two this year? damn, that's a lot of pressure. you know what? this one just doesn't feel right. who's the number one overall pick? is it still gonna be jameer chase?
34:58 i feel like there's a reasonable chance i might have, it'll be gibbs? really, chase or gibbs? i mean, i might, i don't wanna give you my draft strategy necessarily, but i almost feel like, cuz it's super flex, being able to take josh allen off the board with pick number two. i mean, it would certainly, it would fill one of the holes i had last year, but then i'd have to plug the whole rb cuz i'm not picking again until 18 or something like that.
35:26 come on, man. you don't get it because we did the same argument every week last year. in superflex, qb is important. i understand in your bullshit default yahoo fantasy league where penalty minutes count for the same as touchdown passes, qbs are underrated, okay? or they're overrated, i should say. when you're running two qbs a week, you gotta have at least one anchor that you can put in there all the time.
35:51 also, you don't even need three good rbs for superflex. you need two good rbs and then to be unemployed so you can play the waiver wire and after like week two it's like some kid out of ohio state is actually gonna take the number one job on the saints. and then you just make sure that you pick them up on the waiver wire. the end. you're not winning as long as you're yapping? well then we're not winning bro. i'm not compromising who i am for nobody. not least of which for derek yu. people are often saying like why don't you just not talk so much? it's cause i got shit to say bro.
36:22 i got a font of interesting observations, bro, and it won't go. emphasis on shit? oh, so you don't poop. you think pooping is a bad thing. are you from a country that's presently undergoing a cyclospora outbreak? because that's about the only situation in which i could see that that makes any logical sense. the shit in the poop is poison. when you haven't pooped, the poison is in your body. when you've pooped, it's out of your body. getting poison out of your body is bad.
36:50 19,000. you know what? it costs 20,000 man. or i could just kill him and take it. now jump back to the boa! it's filled with explosive fuel, of course. and they want them whipping around to the grocery store. yeah, no thanks bro. no thanks.
37:31 not reading all that. it's just someone blaming me for them watching bubba ho tep, which is crazy. because like i don't think in my life i've ever said, wow, that's a must watch movie. it's got a certain, i mean if you're a big bruce campbell guy, then it's something you gotta see. but if you're just like a normal film viewer, i mean of all the things that i've said about movies, to go straight for bubba ho tep is kinda like user error for sure. i didn't say you made me do it.
37:59 hmm. i think you did say you you pulled the kelly clarkson you said because of you i never stray too far from the sidewalk it's gonna make it hard to get around in the us kelly. i don't know if you ever been like cranberry, pennsylvania you won't you won't you're gonna be calling an uber then what the hell i've lived there everybody's been there and i don't mean on vacation bro. although i was there on vacation. i
38:25 california. god, it'd be so good to do a fucking joni mitchell impression. i don't know, joni mitchell strikes me as a pretty good singer though. i'm not sure i got the chops. she's not a great singer. she's actually an amazing singer and an even better songwriter. you pretend to be her in the shower. bro, i can't sing in the shower. if i sing joni mitchell in the shower, my wife's gonna hear and think i'm sensitive. this shit's dangerous. don't play around.
38:49 i agree she's a phenomenal songwriter but i can actually sing better than her. get it twisted buddy in the joni mitchell vs. hambuster 2 talent competition. i'm putting the house on joni, okay? now i don't know maybe you're trained classically and contemporaneously but i do think it's kind of a crazy statement.
39:11 i read on wikipedia that she was the only woman included in rolling stone's list of the top 100 guitarists, which is like funny not because she's the only woman but very funny because she's the only woman that rolling stone named. out of a hundred guitarists. by the way, huge dub for me.
39:34 at fast casual sit down family restaurants, my child has stopped ordering the pasta entree. why is that a dub? because the pasta entrees are almost always long pasta that kids my daughter's age require a little bit of assistance to eat and makes them messy as fuck. now she orders the damn grilled cheese, a much more independent meal, much less likely to get a bunch of tomato sauce all over her bespoke outfit.
40:00 i might become the guy that just whenever i go to the fast casual restaurant gets chicken tenders man. i swore off him for so long and i'm literally ordering the chicken tenders last weekend because i was like fuck it. it's been a long week give me some chicken tenders and fries. it's like wait a minute this shit is peak man. just don't call them tendies. even worse i have to say some shit like and all have the chicken dippers.
40:31 like they're not even described by like how they taste or what was used to make them. they're described by like the the verb that you do when you eat them which is crazy. i'll take the chicken dippers with plum sauce and then they always like listen they always go fries okay with that when you order adult food they go and that could come with fries, garden salad, caesar salad, sweet potato fries, onion rings. when you order the chicken dippers they go fries okay
41:01 it's a very perfunctory question. you already, you knew in advance that yes, fries were gonna be okay. you knew i was gonna get fries with that, obviously. i'm not one of those people that's gonna come in here and be like, okay, i'll take, give me the chicken dippers and can i swap the fries for like a minestrone soup or something like that? that's obviously not gonna happen. side of boogers. you know what, jusfin? you're kind of winning me over. and i mean that genuinely sincerely.
41:27 because this booger thing is just... i've stated that i don't think it's a good bit. and you have just continued to persevere in spite of that. and i actually think that i have more respect for it as a result. i'm not being facetious in the slightest. and also, you have become a real person in the sense that i now see you on peloton rides. and even in spite of being a real person who is not just a mere chatter,
41:59 you're sticking to the booger bit. so i gotta assume that there's... what does this even do? i gotta assume that there's something deeper cooking up there. goodbye. i really thought i was slick. once bitten, twice shy shit? so does nl kind of suck at this? yeah. yeah, yeah, nl kind of sucks at this. nevertheless, he persisted. you guys got any songs on your workout playlist that you... when your friend just wants to...
42:48 talk about a song but they don't want to shoehorn themselves into the conversation so they come up with a fucking insane question that allows them to say what they wanted to say in the first place. you guys got any songs on your workout playlist that you discovered because of guitar hero or rock band? i still got i get by by honest bob and the factory to dealer incentives on there. ruby by the kaiser chiefs. i got some kaiser chiefs but it's not a ruby. i was always that guy. and by the way this guy is always right. who's like oh
43:18 oh, you really like the single from their second album, huh? no, no, it's okay. it's just like, i mean, i guess i prefer the single from the first album. no, it's fine. like, ruby's good. i don't think it's quite as good as like, i predict the riot or everyday i love you less and less, but it's like, i mean, as far as pop songs go, it's perfectly serviceable. my mom loved the kaiser chiefs. one thing i have to remember is that you're watching me, but you are probably not my peer. it's
43:47 i don't know if i'd say it's more likely, but it's like equally likely that your mom is probably not my age, but she could be 45 and i'm 37 so it's like not a huge difference. yeah just a tiny bit older, that's way older. no bro i'm chillin with 45 year olds all the time. they're always offering me like a glass of wine and stuff and then i have to be like i don't drink and then they're like
44:18 when you invite him to your house for a dinner party, hoping that it gives you an excuse to have four glasses of wine and then he hits you with the sober stare. it's like the end of that bit, i don't know. she was a day drinker. twice a week binger, yeah. it took me so. oh, and he fucking hits that so. let's star right now. saved your life. saved your life, bro. mother fucker, dude.
45:02 oh, so if you shoot a... i don't think that's realistic, man. i don't think if you shot a bomb it would blow up. maybe if you repeatedly shot it, it might blow up. i think if you shot a bomb with a gun, it would not blow up. depends on the bomb, depends on the gun. all other things being equal? nah, i don't see it. i don't see it going down like that. this is like when we had that discussion this morning in the peloton discord about recumbent bikes. and i understand on a logical level
45:33 that a recumbent bike has a better aero profile, but i just can't imagine someone on a recumbent bike beating someone in a bike race that's on an upright bike. because the only kinds of people that i've seen ride recumbent bikes outside look like the dude on the us tv infomercials who's dressed like the riddler who tells you that like the government wants to give you free money. you know the guy i'm talking about? the white riddler?
45:59 do you know that nike shoes, apple computer and even h. ross perot have used government money programs to help make their millions and you can too! he looks fit. he actually, after i saw a picture of him when i made this joke earlier today, he actually does look like a cyclist. he looks like a like a master cyclist. a master cyclist who would be losing races because it doesn't look like he's on testosterone replacement therapy prescribed by some doctor who looks like bill goldberg playing santa claus.
46:27 which apparently is like the meta these days. but, um, so this is going really well so far. am i imagining a video? this is more of a librarian question than anything else, but... am i imagining a video where, um, there's a canadian guy and he's being tased, uh... he's certainly being tased by the police outside of what i'm gonna say is an m&m's frozen meat shop.
46:52 and they tase him and he says, if i'm remembering correctly, i think he might say, that shit don't work on me, man. and he's right, like he just kind of keeps, he keeps coming. librarian found the guy getting tased. okay, well listen, all i really want to know is like, i'm not really sure i want to watch a dude get like, you know, electrically shocked by the police live on stream. he tanks it, you can't re okay, the video is called crazy guy.
47:22 tries to attack police with hatchet, but can we normalize not calling him into question for potential mental illness or distress? he looks like you? yeah, man. i mean, there's a lot of, like, 172 pound bald guys out there. it's kind of like... in many circles, it's sort of like the modal individual. why are you saying hella now? i think it's just a good word. also, i've been listening to a lot of joni mitchell, so you know i'm fucking with california. cali...
47:56 yo, that asshole, you think she's really gonna kiss a sunset pig? i'd even kiss a zombie pig. what biome would you use for minecraft, joni mitchell? okay, don't say soul sand valley, because that's literally the death cap cutie just pops into your head fully formed. i'd like to be...
48:20 and now it's octopus's garden, but... in soul sand valley... i can't hit the no, i haven't listened to that album in a long time, but... parking lot is good. oh, i've been eaten by a fucking bear trap, bro. mobs are like tattoos. wait, wait, this could be nothing but a penis. my toxic trait? every time i hear ride the lightning by... i was gonna say eminem. that'd be something.
48:49 it's an awful jolt from the lightning bolt. every time i hear ride the lightning by metallica, in my head, he's going, my pingers grip. wait, wait, i fucked up my own joke. my pingers drips with fear. what am i doing here? dun, dun, dun, dun, cuz he kinda says fingers almost, he says it a little australian. villager, villager, put away the tnt.
49:20 i don't care about mobs at my spawn point. leave me... leave me... i think it ends with the creeps because of the creepers. i don't care about mobs at my spawn point. leave me the bugs and the creeps. leave! can you explain the plot of spelunky 2? yeah, easily. you know, some people always say i look like me dad. oh, be serious! uh oh! i said hey boy, sitting in the tree.
49:54 mommy always said you want to come for tea. don't be shy straighten up your tie get down from the treehouse sitting in the sky i always know just what to do was a big up. there is the room for two i've got a house with the windows and doors. i'll show you mine. you show me yours gotta let you in hey hey, hey, and let the fun begin hey i'm the wolf today. hey
50:22 hey, hey, hey, i'll huff, i'll puff, i'll puff, i'll puff, i'll blow you away. you know what i'm talking about? that song made it across the pond. i was in maybe the fourth or the fifth grade when c'est la vie by bewitched came out and i asked my mom to get it for me at the cd store.
50:45 and she was legitimately embarrassed. like when she bought it, i forget what exactly she said, but it was something along the lines of like, don't ever ask me to do this for you again. and that was the first time in my entire life, it even entered my mind that something like bewitched could be considered embarrassing music. for me in the fourth or the fifth grade, i was like, this is real grownup music that adults would like to listen to.
51:15 this is serious music from a serious artist. it's not a joke band. you know what's crazy is that even after all these years, there will still be times where i'll sit at my computer and my muscle memory will be like, you should go to facebook. and i think i probably deleted my personal facebook account like a decade ago. maybe twice a year, my brain goes, put facebook in the url bar. and then i have to go, no, obviously not.
51:47 it's the siren song of the millennial. boomer muscle memory? well, i think it's not boomer muscle memory because they're still going to facebook, right? they're still saying shit like, well, i can't get rid of facebook. that's where i get my news. chicago's goated. you learn a lot about yourself as you get older. i guess you just, as you age, you continue to change, which masquerades as like learning stuff about yourself as if you're uncovering like hidden truths that were always there.
52:13 one of the things i've definitely come to accept is i actually like love musicals. i apologize if you've heard the story, but i always been one of those guys that's like i hate musicals. why don't they just talk instead of singing? and then every musical i watched i go well this this musical is really good. this isn't like those other musicals that that are just chock full of songs all the time. yeah, it's got a lot of songs, but these ones are all bangers. and then i realized like
52:41 every single musical i watch, except for some reason for this steven spielberg west side story. whoa! i go, well, this is the best movie i've ever seen. don't you hate rent? well, rent just sucks, so i don't think that's like a valid question to be honest. i think it's illegal for you to ask me that. chicago and les miserables suck? bro, i have only seen les mis in my hometown because in the ninth grade,
53:15 someone in our music class won the role of cosette. so i don't think it would be fair for me to review les miserables based on the grand theatre's production of it in like 2003 or whatever. but chicago is awesome. chicago's, they both preach farther. he had it coming. he had it coming. he only had him so i missed the cellophane. i missed the cellophane. i'm starting to think, starting to think you're baby.
53:45 in middle school, our school play was chicago. hindsight is kind of fucked up looking back. i don't think it's fucked up that you perform chicago. like, i'm pretty sure when you're in the sixth grade, you know, like, you know, murder exists, unfortunately. come on, that's wild. i mean, we were watching armageddon and shit, bro. what's worse, murder or, like, an asteroid destroying all life on earth? i'm alive. i'm dead.
54:24 we're getting we're really improving our skills though. is our best run still our first run? i don't think it's that fucked up man, but honestly, i mean not to annoy absolutely everybody i think there's some r rated movies and properties that it's okay to like be aware of when you're 12 cuz like you don't want your kid to get traumatized but at the same time you don't want to turn them into one of those people who's like yeah i'm 40 years old and my favorite movie is like homeward bound right like you kind of gotta
54:52 it's a delicate job as a parent because you're trying to raise a kid who feels safe but also who isn't like a total dork. you know, like a kid who isn't a total loser who gets made fun of every time they say like what kind of media they like. now i might be biased. i think my parents did a pretty good job. i got traumatized maybe three times.
55:18 well, maybe like maybe 10 times. i'm trying to think of the movies that scared me the most as a kid, but there's definitely a theme. my mom tried to show me beetlejuice and that traumatized me a little bit. i mean there's some freaky ass imagery in beetlejuice. reed's a little bit goofier as an adult, but as a little kid you're like that dude's head is like really really small.
55:37 every alien movie, and i don't mean like the ridley scott ones, i just mean any movie with an alien in it. but i don't blame my parents for that because i was also like, damn, new movie with aliens in it came out, can i see it? and then i watch it and be like, i'm so scared that aliens are gonna invade the earth. my mom brought me to the theater to see lord of the rings. i cried every single time from age five to age nine.
56:01 listen, i'm not saying you have a bad mom. your mom made a mistake. you should not take a five year old to see the fellowship of the ring. that's because i say that because i have a five year old. five is too young to be watching fellowship. fuck it, nine is prob well, maybe nine's okay. i'm like, i was 13 and i was fine and i'm like, bro, nine is way too young to be watching these movies. they're a little scary. yeah, but like, i mean, that's good, man. it makes you feel something.
56:32 like they're supposed to be scary bro. that's why frodo is... it drives home the gravitas of the situation. that's why frodo's scared man, it's because they're going like, baggins... some shit like that, right? gollum's terrifying. he's literally nice, he's just ugly. which is why the theme of the movies is don't judge a book by its cover, because that ugly little freak is the hero at the end of the day.
57:00 when was the last time you saw lord of the rings? when did the last one come out? 2003 i think. 2003 maybe. whatever. free money. okay, scammed. oh! why? why? why? just because i took this dice it's illegal to handle the dice outside of the bounds of the casino?
57:30 so bad at gambling you get shot. literally the plot of like eight bob dylan songs. black diamond bay, rosemary, lily and the jack of hearts. i don't think it's that crazy. i don't think it's that crazy to do a middle school production of chicago. in fact, if anything, i think it's kind of awesome because seeing little kids in suits with like fake cigars and shit was probably fucking awesome. you probably had so much aura wearing that old ass like al capone type fit.
57:58 talking about how you killed your husband and shit, but really you're like 11 years old. that's cool, man. it is a little rushmore coded. you know what would really make chicago a little bit better though? is a, live action remake dwayne the rock johnson as mr. cellophane. but b, they gotta put that song in it that goes, little miss, little miss, little miss can't be wrong. what you gonna do about that song about singing that the bane song? little miss, little miss, little miss can't be wrong.
58:29 when they got to the sicko, goes in with a gun of gong, a gun of gong. that would fucking, cause it even drives home the themes of it because she did do something well. well yeah, i think she did, she shouldn't have killed him i think. what about earl? well earl had to die. earl had to die, we know that. i saw the spin doctors live in 2009 in a 10,000 person town. you know what's funny though? is that like
59:00 i get what you're doing. oh, that was my bad. you're kind of saying like, look at how far the spin doctors have fallen. they're playing in a 10,000 person town. but you're also kind of saying that you fucked up if you're a musician who plays the shitty ass place where i live, which i think is really funny. you're being like, yeah, they're so washed. i even saw them and i didn't even have to drive to like billings.
59:24 curb is a goated delta show. you're talking about the airline, i'm assuming, not the greek letter. i would plus two that because the worst thing about watching tv on an airplane is that they're always going to be like, hey, we've got that laura dern showtime show from 2012. we've got season two episodes six, seven, eight and nine. but with curb,
59:50 it doesn't matter because you're like, well, it's just i can there's a little bit of like a story for sure that happens every season. but for the most part, we're just kind of, you know, you can watch them out of order and get almost the same thing out of it. my airplane show is portlandia when they have it, man. something about that fred armisen just tickles me. i'm not i'm using my sarcastic voice, but not being sarcastic.
1:00:15 like i can now picture you saying, you strike me as a fred armisen guy and then me going, you got me, you got me. plainlandia, yep. that's what i but then sometimes you're like, wait, this is the good sketch. i don't want the plain to landia yet. you can mine for gems, loading screen ass tooltip. just when i thought you couldn't be any stupider, you go and do something like this and totally redeem yourself.
1:00:46 he almost died to the bat. wouldn't be the first guy, man. you ever see the dark knight? pretty sure he killed the joker. am i correct in my assumption that he murders the joker? i thought there's a scene where gary oldman goes, if you do it, you're just as bad as he is. don't let him do, don't let him make you the monster he wants you to be. then doesn't he just drop him off the top of a tall building or something? i'm dead, yep, i'm dead. fuck, i got one more in.
1:01:26 he just leaves him hanging upside down. oh, so he kills him. fuck that. let's play slay the spire 2. we're gonna run spelunky 2 back tomorrow though. guys, i actually last night in the peloton discord, i had the greatest business idea of all time. it's a coffee shop, so we'll start there. so we know that's a proven niche that can work. we literally call it cafe yi xiang.
1:01:47 and we do serve our, the main, we sell a lot, all the kinds of coffee. but the main thing is half dr. pepper, zero iced americanos. and we just tell people, we just lie to people. because if we just did, oh, it's dr. pepper plus coffee, they'd be like, what? but if we went, it's called yi shang cafe, they've been drinking it in china for 500 years, people would go, oh shit.
1:02:12 yi xiang coffee? i've never heard of that. i'll give it a try. and then once you drink it, you're hooked. it's that simple. i tried it a couple weeks ago. it's the nastiest thing i've ever tasted. it's literally good. sounds terrible? well, you're not pouring it in your ears, numb nuts. i'm sure it fucking sounds like that's not what it's fucking for, man. when you drink it, it makes a different sound. you know what sound it makes? have you seen chinese rodney dangerfield? multiple people have suggested this to me.
1:02:50 can i ask if it's rodney dangerfield translated into mandarin or is it like a comedian who's chinese who's got the same aura as well? you know what? let's find out. hey, what a beautiful crowd, huh? hey, how we doing? he already got me. he already got me. how we doing, huh? hey, nei hou ma, nei hou ma, huh?
1:03:19 can i just say the guy, the guy, i don't know if he's chinese, but he's asian. so if you were picturing like shane gillis doing this, then just put the pitchforks down for a second. okay. say hello where i'm from, you know, from china. oh boy. real rough in china. i'll tell you, you know, i'm chinese, you know? so it means i got chinese parents. let me tell you about my chinese parents. oh, they hate me.
1:03:45 my chinese parents, they hate me. when i was growing up, we had a one child policy, you know? so my parents had another kid just so they could get rid of me. okay, i think it's really good. i actually think it's kind of awesome.
1:04:04 it's not the sort of thing that maybe you could build your whole career on, but i do think that his breathless enthusiasm for this bit and then the catchphrase is really good. all right, all right. hey, you know my family, they think i'm ugly, let me tell you. they think i'm real ugly, you know? they make me wear a mask even when i'm not sick. hey, all right, tough crowd, tough crowd. nei hou ma, nei hou ma, all right, all right, huh?
1:04:31 let me tell you this about my family, you know, they got no boundaries, huh? they got no boundaries, you know, they was trying to come for my stuff i'll tell you, you know, tell me what to do and take all my things, you know, like my career, my kids, my job, who they think i am, taiwan? too much, too much.
1:04:56 oh, rodney. this chinese rodney dangerfield. you might have a little... this might have some legs, man. damn, rodney, chill! chill! i like all the comments. this crowd is fucking awful. if i were... chinese rodney dangerfield, if i was in the crowd... if i was in the crowd, i would have laughed harder than these guys. please notice me. i don't know if we can risk another joke, but honestly, we'll save that for after the stream. we're back, y'all.
1:05:30 it's that time again. this fellow one more time, huh? they need to add more characters. this random guy just keeps giving us the revenant. nutritious ass oyster though. oyster got to be one of the best, the foods that gets the best when it gets fried. almost every food gets better but oyster might be a hundred times better when it gets fried. also the oyster math makes no sense. one raw oyster, not even a snack.
1:06:00 you need to have like half a dozen to even feel anything hit your tummy. one fried oyster, the biggest meal you've ever had in your entire life. make it make sense. they think we're stupid, man. well, now that we made it through the first fight, we start to... this guy sucks. he's no chinese rodney dangerfield, okay? what do you recommend to a guy who fucks with hard boiled seriously? i mean, honestly, if you've already identified that you like hard boiled,
1:06:33 you've done the hard part. i'll probably go scrambled next. maybe over medium because then that's going to be like your introduction into a softer yoke. a lot of people would say just go straight into over easy, but i would go over medium first just to see how you feel about the idea of a runny yoke. raw? if you're getting into boxing or something like that, you could always go raw. it's talking about the movie.
1:06:58 the movie, yeah me too, rocky the movie. not like the moose or whatever. is rocky the squirrel and bullwinkle's the moose? no, hard boiled? i'm confused. i guess i'm stupid, i'm confused here. i thought rocky was the doom generation guy. plus two, gregoraki mentioned. guy who gave the doom generation a two and a half after he saw it. oh my god, gregoraki reference. you ever had water?
1:07:25 can i say something in defense of the water guys? it's not really in there. it's still annoying whenever you drink something that's not water they go have you ever heard about water like that's obviously irritating but there's an equally annoying guy that's popped up that um i don't think really existed to the same extent
1:07:43 even five or ten years ago, and that's the guy who when he finds out you're taking fiber goes i guess i'm a little different. i just get fiber from my diet. i'll go log for log with you any day. like you're basically saying you're better than me because i'm taking a fiber supplement. i'm taking a improving my own health. i'm artificially supplementing fiber and you're like well, i guess if you if you don't ever eat vegetables i guess that's something you could do. it's insane man.
1:08:09 oh, i guess oh, oh, you're taking insulin? for your fucking diabetes? i guess... my pancreas just naturally produces it and regulates my blood sugar properly. but i mean if you gotta if you gotta do that then sure! i mean if you gotta you gotta do what you gotta do! but i guess like my pancreas is just is just good! fucking dickheads, man!
1:08:36 how many scoops of metamucil you want? like a teaspoon and a half in the morning smoothie seems to help the medicine go down. smoothie is kind of the meta because you can just put anything in it and you don't even taste it. i mean, metamucil doesn't taste bad, but it's very fucking hidden in the smoothie context. that's how i get my dog to take his medicine. okay, metamucil is not medicine for one. it's a dietary supplement.
1:09:04 she just snorted? i think i would because that's my favorite way to intake anything of course but i think it's different tubes. that's the only thing stopping me is that i think it might be different tubes or gummies because if you're a man child. well the thing is i was on i did the whole big tub of metamucil and i finished it off and then i said that was great.
1:09:27 but it could be better and that's where i made a huge mistake. because then i went for the gummies and the gummies don't, they don't, i don't know if you need 10 times the dose to get the same response but the powder is better as a medicine. eating like four fiber gummies is supposed to give you 10 grams of fiber. for some reason it doesn't do anything.
1:09:48 you might have to eat like 30 gummies or something like that at which point you're going to be spending 50 bucks a week on metamucil. so it is a medicine? oh because i said dose and response? it could be a drug! it could be a drug! the macros of a fountain diet coke go crazy. it literally enriches your spirit and incurs no penalty except maybe years later but that might strike you as a different individual so you ever think about that? we're dead.
1:10:21 devastated. it was just my luck, she's got someone else in mind. who's that? is that mark anthony? this is a canadian song? you guys don't know just my luck? that's it. i mean, i don't want to play anymore. you can see where i thought maybe this was mark anthony. whoa, whoa. it's just my luck, she's got someone else in mind. damn, they're from barry, bro.
1:10:47 i thought you were from like miami or something. you're from barrie, ontario? from barrie town? you could tell by what they fucking carry, man. we're going fishing rod for some marc anthony greek. see now you've learned from the best librarian, the classic double bait. you weren't doing that shit 18 months ago and that enrolled straight out of you as if it was natural. i said i couldn't believe this shit is canadian, but now that i see the fella singing it, i can definitely
1:11:20 i mean, that's a very barry ontario sort of look. it's just my luck, she's got someone else in mind. it's just my luck, it happens. damn, that was kind of sick though. i know by the way, when i was a kid, when i was 12, 100%, well, hang on, i got to take it a little further back. when i was 12 years old,
1:11:48 i thought i'd be this guy in the band. now that i'm 37 years old, i know that i would always have been, if you'll just give it a second, not him. that's awesome. and not him. that would be me. a hundred percent that would have been me in the bands. i wouldn't have been the guy with the center part. i wouldn't have been the heartthrob. it would have been the guy in the hat. the guy who never takes his hat off.
1:12:16 can you believe this goofy ass latin song is four dudes from from barrie, ontario? what are they doing, man? i did not expect that. i've heard the song 50 times in my life and i did not expect that voice. holy cow. he's back on this? i mean, did you see the move that they do, man?
1:12:47 this is they only got access to the fucking thinnest hallway in canadian history, but they made it work, man!
1:12:56 like, look, i love that he's not looking at that. you know, this pose right here is so much like that viral video. that's like when the when a guy only knows one dance move. and it's the old guy who starts hitting the one that makes it look like he's boneless at the at the cabana. you know the one i'm talking about?
1:13:23 okay, give me that link in just a second because i just have to see this in full speed. that's so cool. it does look like the hallway that jerma escaped containment from as well. this song is the story of my life. every canadian music video. i remember when this was on muchmusic.
1:13:44 oh shit, is this the one? yeah, this is it, this is it, man. he's like, i'm done with that. but actually, i've seen him do it a lot longer than that. i've seen him do it a lot longer than that. he is pretty smooth with that one. it is like when you hit the emo button by accident in fortnite. i wonder what other canadian songs i could ruin for you.
1:14:11 before 4? honestly, i mean it's not really a claim to fame but i was wise to the before. we were talking about how crazy before 4 was like three years after get down came out when i was in high school. i was like you guys remember that before 4 song with those cool looking guys that went, if you get down on me then i'll get down on you? before it went youtube viral in like 2014 or something.
1:14:36 you plus me equals us. bro, that's together! together, that's an american band. they had a show on mtv. that's not canadian. corey did post evidence. i mean, he posted it in the discord last night too, but he posted evidence of the costco using deep fryers. and i just got a hand... he went out there and he got the evidence. he took a picture. he was a primary source. so i mean, what can you say? w corey. he got it done.
1:15:06 only came for two days of playing. every time i come, i always wind up staying. it's kind of tough. you're talking about the kind of town you could spend a few days in? miami, the city that keeps the roof blazing? i'm gonna get you. i'm gonna get you. it's like kevin o'leary is in the room with us. i honestly think kevin o'leary might be the world's first performative billionaire. it's like he talks like a broke guy thinks that rich guys talk.
1:15:39 has anyone ever done an actual audit of his finances to find out that he's not just like, he's not just putting it all on a visa infinite privilege or something like that? donald trump is older than kevin o'leary. no shot. bald, not bald. jacked, not jacked. american, canadian. i rest my case. there's no way. kevin o'leary is bald, bro. so is trump. trump's canadian? oh no.
1:16:12 drank that dr pepper really fast. it's literally normalized drinking fluids in heat waves, okay? okay? you ever think about that? okay? this could be a new character. in my head, this character derived just from the voice is character that does problematic things but normalizes them just for themselves, okay? oh, i guess so i'm supposed to feed my family but i'm not allowed to sell drugs. okay, okay, i guess i'll just
1:16:42 i guess i'll just feed them with the proceeds of a legitimate business because that's like easy to make. okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. i'm 47 and i've spent my whole life training to sell drugs but i guess i'll just drop all that and stop selling drugs and then my fam, i'll just tell them sorry you can't eat today, sorry, sorry honey you can't eat today because someone online told me it's not okay to sell drugs, okay?
1:17:09 so is it good? is this a good character that it's growing on me? okay. okay. i'm waiting to bring back the millennial, the woke scolding drug dealer. and now that they have a name, i hope you'll embrace the character a little bit more, but i'm waiting to bring them back until i fight the aon glass. oh, okay. i guess i don't get to play any cards. okay. no, no, no, no. that's fine. i guess i made a mistake. i guess i made a mistake adding cards to my deck thinking i would play cards.
1:17:40 to do damage and block. this guy's just you bro. i'm for snakes coming out of a wooden dock. they're eels. eels are fish bro!
1:17:50 my kid is actually, so i have necessary context for this. i have a degree in biology from an elite canadian post secondary institution. my kid is mocking me in animal knowledge. the other day she came home and she said, do you know sharks have no bones? i said, what? that's not true. she said, yeah, they're made out of the same stuff as your nose and ears. and then i said, oh, cartilage. and she went, yeah, cartilage. and then she said, except for whale sharks. and i was like, damn, what the fuck are they teaching you at summer camp? that's crazy.
1:18:18 is it shark week? like what's going on? you're learning like hyper specific information about sharks that you had no concept of when you left this morning. exhaust all your status cards. yeah, i don't think that's gonna be too relevant, man. free rocket punch seems really good though. we are riders on a mission action. superstition rocket punch.
1:18:46 you guys ever watch nickelodeon? i'm really relying on you knowing nickelodeon in the year 2000. i don't remember much about rocket power, but i will say, i always remember they were like, they were doing, they started something as a team, but then one of the guys got like way too into it and became too bossy.
1:19:05 and then all the other people in rocket power were like, i don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to do this anymore. and then the bossy guy went, there's no i in team. and then the kid who looked like drew carey, you know, you know, the chubby kid who looked like drew carey at the 1950s haircut. he went, yeah, there's no i in team, but there is a p u in group and you stink. and i watching that as a kid, i was like, oh my god.
1:19:33 this is the greatest writing that's ever existed in any media property ever. relic that's always bad or card that always sucks. ma bank is goated. you when i explain to you that money only has utility when you spend it. you when you explain to me that having more money allows you to get more utility when you choose to spend it. me explaining to you that i will forget that i have ma bank and just immediately remove a strike at the closest shop that exists to me.
1:20:02 free money until then though. but it's not, it has to do something! it has to do something. otherwise i don't want free money. hey dickhead, yeah, how about you don't fucking kill me? yeah, yeah, you ever think about that? numb nuts! fucking idiot, get a load of this guy.
1:20:28 who are you pointing to? i'm trying to point into the screen. pointing into the screen. i'm breaking through the fourth wall, but from the other side, i'm like a guy in the movie theater getting into the movie instead of someone from the movie being like, hey, you're in the theater. the fourth wall goes both ways, man. that's all i'm trying to say. gamma blast. we fucking live, man. shit.
1:21:06 we die to the exact change and we go again. yes! sell me on this. sell me this card. it's rare. you know, that's a, it's honestly a pretty good sell. stampede plus mangle? oh, that's a pretty good sell too. it's sparkling. you know what? until now i never even noticed that it has a little like an underglow on it. like ciara's cadillac escalade in the oh music video. well, this is not looking good. there's ways out of this though. smoke bombs. i don't have them.
1:21:47 mauds, can we figure out what's going on with this guy who keeps asking me about wanking and jerking off? they've been talking about it for like an hour straight. i forgive anybody, oh, silken trees. it goes halle berry or hallelujah. i forgive someone for coming in and trying to bid out for like, you know, a couple minutes or so, maybe 15 minutes. but i mean for an hour on a beautiful 34 degree celsius day like this.
1:22:18 to be wasting your time in a comfortable climate controlled environment asking me churlish questions about masturbation? no man, it couldn't be me. they want me dead? help? because of the wanking stuff. it's not really my fault. i'm sorry, i don't think you're evil. i don't think they should want you dead. but i do want to say that it's not my fault. i don't have anything to do with that. it was the same message three times in five minutes. well the thing is, obviously the bit's not bad. the bit's obviously good.
1:22:49 and anybody that would tell you to give up on it does not have your best interest at heart. pennywise! yes, man. you ever think it's weird that people are watching you through car speakers right now? i mean, life finds a way, you know? it's an important moment in any...
1:23:10 budding content creators life when they realize that like part of the reason the reason that people start watching you is because they like what you're making but the reason they keep watching you is just because it's comfortable for them. so like if you're on a long drive and you're like, oh the drive just doesn't feel comfortable without nl on it's i mean, it's weird if you're coming from base principles, but if you walk through it like step by step i get it man
1:23:36 it's like, well i'm going to bed, i pop in, you know, the business secrets of the pharaohs. it either in the pillow speaker or in the left earbud. do i know anything about fucking how never td added value for shareholders back then? no, i don't know shit bro, but it doesn't feel like i can go to sleep without it. very confusing. very confusing waiting for someone to tell me what to take here.
1:24:02 dominate? yeah, but we're not we haven't completely structured our run. i guess with molt and fisk you probably just take both and then go, yeah, i'm a i'm a strength man now, mom. it's not a phase. i've always been a strength man. were mozart born before the time of music, he would still be mozart, would he not, mom? would he not? just as i've always been a strength man even before dominate appeared to me in the shop. like beethoven how many myriad beethovens were
1:24:32 and al hates opera? whoa, whoa, whoa! you're gonna get the timothy chalamet heads after me. i don't hate opera!
1:24:55 i defended timothée chalamet for throwing a little bit of shade on opera. there's a subtle difference, okay? i mean, do you really want to just play the hits again? okay, fine. i've actually been, unlike you, i've actually been to some operas. so i know that they suck, whereas you have never been to an opera, but just think that they're awesome. you wanted, we could do this. i think you and me are destined to do this forever.
1:25:24 not in the opera, but i like the ballet. ballet is really cool because even when you're not super into ballet, you can at least be like, damn, these people are really strong.
1:25:35 opera, i mean, i feel really bad now because there was someone in chat who said, i'm a trained opera singer and i think joni mitchell sings better than me. and now their reward is like that i'm just going like, i think your entire medium you've dedicated your life to is not that good, which is not really what i'm glad there's people that appreciate it. but opera really gives off more of a like, when will this be over sort of vibe.
1:26:03 i'm also open to the idea that i've just never seen a great one. and this is where you are going to tell me the one that i saw that was nine hours long and ends with 13 nuns getting their heads chopped off. that's it, the dialogues of the carmelites. i appreciate that. thank you so much. just wondering if there was ever a resolution with the costco friar saga. archimedes, no you weren't. no, you weren't wondering that because you are kory's number one chatter and you know that kory posted in the subreddit.
1:26:33 that he went to the still creek costco in burnaby and took a picture of them using the deep fryer. so why are you baiting? why are you clip farming? at least get on an alt if you're gonna clip farm. i know who you are. you're literally double fisting chats. i see you in kory's chat and kate's chat simultaneously. you gotta get on an alt if you're gonna try to get away with something like that. gotta see magic flute. i honestly, if it, i mean this sounds bad, but like if it was convenient for me, i would.
1:27:04 if my niece was playing in the magic flute or something like that, i'm not gonna go, you know, fuck off! i don't like opera. i'll go see the magic flute. i'll give you a little tip though.
1:27:14 i don't care how fucking in the christmas spirit you are. don't waste your time going to see handles messiah bro. as far as i'm concerned every christmas that you don't go and see handles messiah, you should be thanking me. you should be going, i didn't see handles messiah this year because of the streamer. i should send him a little, you don't have to give me a bunch of money, a little bit would be fine. but i, you may not realize that you not seeing that is a thing that
1:27:41 a serious buff to your december season. my mom sees it every year and she always insists we stay home. you know what, w mom on that one at least. as a performer please stop seeing it we get sick of doing it every year. i know the worst part is for you you're probably even sick of the good part where they go hallelujah hallelujah and that's got it that's the real reason it sucks because now it's just become like a job for you.
1:28:05 and i know what you're thinking, because you're always trying to find a way around things. you're going, well maybe i'll just go and i'll leave after they do the hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. yeah, it's at the end. it's at the very fucking end. oh! one good thing about music when it hits you feel no pain?
1:28:24 and even the hallelujah part is too long. if i can be so fucking for real with you, even the hallelujah part is a little bit too long. like you're like, yeah, for a second, you're like, they're finally doing the hallelujah part. but then by the end, you're like, oh my god, i get it. and he will live forever and ever. just fucking chill, bro. i get it. fucking hallelujah. hallelujah. does it also have, um, for every valley shall be exalted and the hills laid plain?
1:28:54 because i do feel like i've seen a few christmas concerts. yes, it does. oh my god. oh my god. it's got, it's got, and that's the second best part. that's the second best part of the messiah is when the dude goes up and goes, every valley shall be exalted. and then just in case you forgot. and the hills laid plain.
1:29:24 every valley shall be motherfucker, man. that song is good. is it as good as tiktok by kesha? what stupid question, obviously not. better than california girls? california girls is bad and i can say that because i'm on the west coast represent. now throw your hands up. that wasn't the west coast she was talking about. she said west coast represent, okay? i'm putting my hands up even if i'm in skagway, alaska. i feel like it's just psy.
1:29:58 me when i'm asked who i think the greatest k pop artist of all time is? he does do that jump! and billie, billie eilish, she doesn't do the jump as good as psy and that's why we don't like her i guess. that's what the internet's trying to tell me. we don't like her because she does the thing where the platform shoots her out of the bottom of the stage but she doesn't jump as high as psy jumps or something like that.
1:30:20 who's gonna tell him that like that's up to the stage crew? that's not it's not her fault. there's not enough pneumatic pressure to launch her she like i'm assuming she weighs less than psi. so obviously something is different with the mechanism, bro mj did that too. yeah. yeah, but when mj came out he went yeah he was posed like in a battle stance like have you guys i know i talked about it two months ago have you seen the video of him doing the concert in?
1:30:53 south korea and he's up on the crane and the korean guy climbs up on the crane and michael jackson is keeping him alive with one arm while also still belting out the song. i mean, he's...
1:31:05 you didn't hear it from me, but there might be a backing track involved. not to say michael jackson can't sing like that, but i'm honestly willing to forgive it because the clip has so much aura. the clip has crazy aura. this man was like, i will die for you. and he was like, the reason you will die for me is because i wouldn't let you die for me. that's good stuff, man.
1:31:32 throw to the clip, throw to the clip. well, playing that is going to get a content id match for sure. i'll let librarian risk the channel on it instead. i'm also linking brad, what are you going to do? honestly, smart bet. very strong chance i would have referenced that. and don't even fucking start with me, lad. when they start saying shit like he's not saying, brad, what are you going to do? he's not saying job's gone. he's saying,
1:32:02 something he's saying like mike's gone or something like that like that. he doesn't have access to his microphone. no, he's not bro why not because it wouldn't be as funny
1:32:13 and here's the we are the world video. okay, you're getting a little ahead of yourself. i haven't referenced the we are the world video where michael jackson hits the greatest vocal lick of all time and then huey lewis sounds like total shit and then cyndi lauper is like so pitchy. and i don't have a problem with any of these artists, i'm just saying. and then michael jackson has given them that shady ass look. i haven't mentioned that part yet. all of these moments were in michael. brad, what are you gonna do? is it michael? is that true?
1:32:45 no they weren't because if it was the movie would actually be good. how could it be bad? it's directed by the guy who did training day. oh i know you're saying some shit. oh come off it. did they say that in america or is that a canadian only? canadians are always saying oh come off it or frig off. canadians always going around calling people belt a loada stuff like that. unserious country man.
1:33:12 do i not live in the same canada? don't lie, we've got americans here. you can tell the truth. we're always calling people beltalota and the other things that they call people in the expanse that i just legitimately can't remember. the expanse was so peak. i stopped watching when they killed the dude from road trip. i said, nuh uh. you guys want some aoe?
1:33:39 trust in my evil ass brain. you guys want some yaoi? that's corky romano. you ever see corky romano? can you explain the premise? yes, yes i can. thank you for asking. corky romano as played by chris kattan is the black sheep of his family. by the way, his family? yeah, it's the mafia. his dad is the boss of one of the five crime families in new york.
1:34:11 and then his brothers are like capos, which as you well know are the lieutenants in the mafia. at some point i think corky, he gets, the fbi wants to take down the crime family. so they convince corky to become like a confidential informant.
1:34:37 so corky agrees, but he doesn't really know what he's doing because he's got some problems. because he's played by chris kattan, if you know what i mean. so, but then like he's still... so it's basically a movie about a man with not a sound mind being taken advantage of by the federal police. so you would love it if i had to guess. but then like it works out okay because like i think the mafia wins at the end.
1:35:08 have you explained why he does you guys want some cookies? well, i kind of figured that would be like obvious. he's undercover as a girl scout. corky is enlisted by his family to infiltrate the fbi to destroy the evidence they have on his family. what did i say? it was something i had a lot of the same nouns in there. i think we'd all agree. the order of them and the verbs that were linking them might have been slightly different, but i think a lot of the nouns were in the right or were in both versions of our story.
1:35:38 what a noun! wait, i like that. i like that. what a noun! this guy sucks ass? he ain't that bad. watch this. your mother. i mean, he ain't that bad. watch this. you're cooked? no, no, no. i say, i say when it's over. what does he say in breaking bad? i say when we're through. we're through when i say we're through. he says something like that and it's so badass. it's a certified sigma moment and he's got a lot.
1:36:22 he's got some of the most to be honest. we're done when i say we're done. it does feel a little bit like a reddit post though. it does kind of feel like it would be like meet me at the when the olive garden has unlimited soup and bread. no, r slash red lobster. when the waitress asked if i still want more cheddar bay biscuits. we're done when i say we're done. yeah, he's mouth posting. nice one buddy. just be big like if you need some karma or something like that.
1:36:55 get this trash out there. get that trash out there. get this trash out there. worth. yeah, i think we're cooked. the only thing, well, i think we're literally dead as we speak, but i think we just, stoke ended up being a heavy card this time, unfortunately. everything else was good though. if stoke shows up a little bit earlier, it's no problem. aeon glass.
1:37:26 just a better player. aionglasses is literally just a better player. any mods here? modo, what do you want us to do? and don't say ban the guy who keeps talking about jerking off. because you have to be more specific. and you can't ban the streamer. you know, i was driving my kid back from her day camp. you know what she said to me? i got a trick to get infinite wishes from a genie. i said i think maybe i've heard this one before. she says on your third wish, just ask for three more wishes. didn't have the heart to tell her. very inefficient use of wishes.
1:37:55 on your first wish you could just wish for infinite wishes and then you don't have to waste one third of your wishes wishing for three more wishes. she didn't really think it through. she didn't really think that one through. that's a lot. i'm gonna say it might be 152. there's still one there. that's on the light side, bro. 47. they were dropping them quick. you know they were dropping them quick.
1:38:39 50 even. now they're just fucking trolling man. 48. that felt good. that felt really good. 69 and i'm not even fucking joking. oh, how'd we do today? best 33%. that's good man. that's pretty good. 79 of these. oh,
1:39:43 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. you can't put that evil on me, man. i'm kind of on today. we might actually make it to the leaderboard today. a little bit of a throw on that one, but the leaderboard could happen. we still got points. 94? could have used one extra squeeze. best 31%, so i'm a fucking joke. i'm not even close to the leaderboard.
1:40:45 some motherfucker named exact change on there? motherfucker, man. i hate these damn dolls! better. better, closer, warmer. back in my day we used to have proper dolls. what if i told you there's many different forms of intelligence that are not just like, answer a trivia question? what if i told you that just because you're good at trivia doesn't mean you're smart? if you were smart you would realize that being good at trivia doesn't make you smart. unless you get on jeopardy, in which case, i mean, ain't nothing stupid about making money.
1:41:50 i know there's other forms of intelligence than showing up other people's intelligence. oh really? so competition doesn't create a situation where iron sharpens iron? you believe that? well, there's 12,000 games coming out on steam every single day and that's why video games have never been in a better place. well, that's not going to help. take the shot, take the shot, take the shot, take the shot. oh, no! why'd i say it? stick to the trivia, unc. hey unc, let's get you some questions about
1:42:37 who is the female lead in the 2005 film the skeleton key? yeah, that's kate hudson. she runs my favorite newspaper store at the airport. i should have known that. top 87%. a7. stick with the kind of frisbee golf, shao dd? it's not frisbee golf, that's golf to me. this is called ball golf. there's two different things. and don't be mean to me or i'll say some shit that i can't take back. zhao jing jia! zhao jing jia!
1:43:13 have you tried mandarin on normie people who know mandarin? normie, normie people who know mandarin is crazy. 1974, now we're talking. go nigel, go! nah, you taking that thing for a walk? i'm gonna need a little more.
1:43:59 it's killer queen. i should have known from the starts and stops of the music. yeah, yeah, yeah. okay, okay, okay. queen's always doing some stuff like that. they're always flipping around the time signature like maynard james keenan. all right. all right.
1:44:37 i don't really fuck with a lot of the meme songs from queen. the glorp is pretty good. oh really? what's your favorite queen song? mmm, probably princes of the universe from the highlander 1 soundtrack. here we are, born to be kings, yes we're the princes of the universe. do do do, do do do do do do. here we belong.
1:45:05 fighting to survive in a world with the darkest power. do do do do do do do. i feel like if freddie mercury heard how you guys talk about queen, he would slap you silly sometimes. that's how i feel. it's silly music, man. it's silly music. angle today is totally aceable.
1:45:29 i'm afraid i'm out of here. i will send you over to my wife's stream. go enjoy yourself and i'll be back tomorrow. ming tian gen, let's do it man. fucking ming tian gen to you as well. we like to farty. we like, we like to farty. i've got something to smell ya. i've got toots for you. gonna put some meals in motion. get ready cause i'm stinking poo.
1:45:59 hey now, hey now, hear what i say now, flatulence is just around the corner, sure people got no reason to live. they got fucked up feet, fucked up eyes, they walk around telling great big lies. they got decroted noses, fucked up little teeth, they walk around going beep, beep, beep.
1:46:33 but then he said, short people are just the same as you and i, a fool such as i our men are brothers until the day they die it's a wonderful world short people got small penis short people got food penis short people got really bad sense of style they got no soul they got
1:47:08 no hair, they walk around with the burp burp burp well i... fuck you randy. can't take this anymore. seeing all the things we've said before.
1:47:31 all these thoughts they make no sense i found peace in ignorance bless you here the less you say over and nowhere again knows all the words? yeah, because i was in eighth grade when the shut up what i'm talking to you song came out shut up! wicka wicka woo shut up! wicka wicka woo shut up what i'm talking to you shut up! wicka wicka woo
1:47:58 i kind of want to listen to it now though. i do kind of want to listen to it now.