samir you're breaking the lobby - Bits and Banter [07⧸09⧸2026]

Name: samir you're breaking the lobby - Bits and Banter [07⧸09⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-07-12
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "samir you're breaking the lobby - Bits and Banter [07⧸09⧸2026]" — 230 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-07-12

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0:09 the game's only missing one thing, man. when you boot it up, it needs to go, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. imagine.
0:26 it does kind of have car commercial music. it's kind of got, give me just give it a second. it's kind of got a, ooh, i'm a rebel just for kicks now. i've been doing this since 1986 now. keep my hands to myself. keep my hands to myself. i keep my hands to myself. i kind of, i can make your hands clap. i'll tell you right now. i don't know what i was expecting. i don't know what disc golf is.
0:53 let me get that out of the way first. it's pretty straightforward. it's frisbee golf. yeah, yeah, i just didn't know like what the uh... like what the hole would look like. i don't know why i was expecting a can. i thought it was like a black can. that'd be fun. we got too many damn trees in this park.
1:12 yeah, we need to cut some of these trees down. yeah, we're gonna be anti arbor day by the end of this no doubt sorry, really? i'm playing disc golf with the this just distract. oh disc grillin playing disc golf with the destructo disc. oh that cutting out was really good almost almost got a crazy eagle need a better run up than that. oh
1:39 oh, wait, does that count as an extra it does? yeah no, i'm just literally the whole reason i'm playing this someone is gonna hit a crazy hole in one today the work work live farming big time. yeah man, i'm getting there. whoa, this is the clip. oh shit. i hit the tree tapping they really let you tap it in from far away, huh? oh, they let you tap it in buddy. oh
2:11 son of a frickin' white pine bitch. i'm sorry getting specific with this pre hate, that's bad. i hate the white pine bitch. think of it like an airplane wing. okay. the lift under it will push it in the direction it's leaning. i love your hairline is like the hairline of like a a 10 year old boy
2:43 my coffins were no hair or this hair. the color of the hair is like... that of a 55 year old man. yeah, yeah, yeah. the wellness billionaire. the one with the ura cock ring. yes, brian johnson. it's brian johnson hair. he got a new autoimmune disease though. he did. he did indeed. brian, you ain't got no shoes on, man. yeah, i got the grippers out on the course.
3:13 nice. buddy, i came pretty close to a nice one there. that was almost in. now that went so much shorter than i thought it would. wait, wait. the skill ceiling on this is crazy. i love your pose, mouth. thank you. good number, good number. i'm just gonna throw it really high up there and see what happens. pretty anti american nuts to be measuring an imperial feat, justin. that really curved into the wall. it like, it went, it made like a u turn.
3:46 i'm just gonna move to lie. that's where i lie about how good my shot was. kind of an op strategy in truth or dare too. a lot of people be like, oh dude, dare, cause i don't want to tell the truth. buddy, just say truth and then make something up. yeah, you can just lie. they don't know. it's a secret. what if i did this? i dare you to tell the truth. oh, wait, wait. buddy, i'm getting close on these approaches. i love the idea of like streamer truth or dare.
4:18 it'd just be a call of people lying. yeah, i mean, what's the difference? well, it sounds normal. sounds normal to me. y'all know about birds? a little bit. a few. very little. penguins. i saw, i tried to get a picture of it, but it flew way too fast. when it came out my back door, there was a bright yellow bird with black stripes. sounds like a warbler. some kind of warbler. it was insNLy vibrant. it was the yellows bird i've ever seen. was it tiny? it was tiny. it could have been a finch.
4:48 was it hanging around some flowers and going it wasn't a bee it wasn't a being gold finch. there you go an eastern okay, i've never seen a gold finch before it was nice. oh, yeah they got some powerful founds out here if the right side is above the left side. it's gonna hook further to the left yes, what you're telling me? what about when it says mediocre throw? oh bad. that's in god's hands yeah, that's um
5:19 the joe guy from mad max jury road after you throw mediocre immortan joe ultimate joe i like it. i like it saying nice throw on the screen as i point blank hit a tree and it goes backwards hit a damn picnic bench that's not a tap in i mean you i
5:49 you're this close. this might be the only time you ever get a chance to try this. this close. watch this. oh, baby. how your guy wind up for some reason it made it look unfair. that's kind of awesome. i have a weird like a like a weird mental on how chains for some reason i can't help but be like i was like
6:27 it's like weird like bdsm net. it just doesn't look right. the hole looks like a sex thing. it looks like some shit that vincent d'onofrio would have in the cell. yeah. like there would be like someone's head upside down in that contraption. getting to your date's apartment and being disappointed that their crazy sex machine is just a disc golf hole. yeah. yeah, yeah. andre the giant's chastity belt.
6:54 someone's putting their nuts in that thing and they love it it would be great if they had a movie where there was like a ceo in his office and he's talking on the phone but then he has like one of these set up and he's practicing is this golf? yeah, no, yeah instead of the mini bus five is your glide. oh my god. those are the stats. that's crazy the ocean
7:22 i do have some feedback for the devs. the only reason i'm wearing shorts this yellow is because this is the closest thing they had to khaki. samir, disc golf, get out of the game, man! i need the spot! my code is hidden. samir! get out of here, samir. get outta there! get outta here, samir. that's my spot! i'm pressing the kick button on him, it's not working. make like samir knopf and get the frick outta here.
7:54 devs, the kick button doesn't work. yeah, i know i'm showing the code. same, i didn't think it would be a problem. yeah. people have been so cool. alright, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. i'm getting in. he's in. oh shit. alright, we're ready. i thought my smirnoff joke was pretty good. he has no idea. i fucking have a very good idea that i'm showing the code. repeat your smirnoff joke, please, malf, i missed it. because his name was smir, i said, make like a smirnoff and get the frick out of here. okay. okay.
8:25 nice nice works. i don't have a country i am stuck on connecting. oh, you're from crack cozy lobby for cosia tom hanks catherine zeta jones the kick button and a lot for like oh it's starting to get oh my god. oh
8:46 i wonder if it's because i pressed the kick button on slot 4 like 30 times when uh... he just keeps kicking there. it's like it's buffering. it's a secret. oh no, i'm getting, i'm getting copy past it. it's honestly so fucked up you're using the vip prints against people that are new to the game.
9:05 did you invite your friends just to beat them with obvious op strategies that the devs already apologized for? be better. oh, are you talking to me or no? i got a distance driver before you guys could unlock it. now i have a 13th distance disc when you guys have at maximum a 10 distance disc. no, i got the 13. oh, well, well, well. i forgot to equip it before. crazy. i mean, maybe, but probably not. i'm gonna do a little straddling here.
9:36 was that a, was that a podracer? that was 100%. i'm telling you the clips that come out of this session are going to be legendary once we get it. perfect throw.
9:51 don't get in the water buddy. there we go. you know what? the other thing i like about disc golf courses is that you, god that hair is just disgusting man. he's really not happy with it. i threw it to the other side of the park. the other thing i love about the disc golf game is that like in golf when your shot sucks, you're like, oh, i'm in the rough. but in disc golf, when it sucks, you're like, what the fuck? i'm like between the concession stand and the gazebo. you gotta stand on the fence.
10:18 oh boy, that's a problem. come on now, yeah, she come back. ooh, that really went left a lot. man, that's real far. oh, imagine the eagle on this. oh, it's coming in so sweet! oh, it's not going away by now. damn, that was looking beautiful too. oh, yeah, all right. not to alarm you, justin, but i think if you were standing there irl, you'd be dead.
10:46 yeah, i saw the spike from the fence go go through your throat guy who dies playing disc golf this is where chat turns on me because there's some beloved disc golfers impaled by a fence. it's not okay to joke about the disc golf community is still healing i shouldn't be saying these things over the years
11:16 i love just beaming a tree really hard. yeah, man. it rocks. how do i flip the forehand? that's not too bad, man. that's not too bad. oh, i got it in there. let's go. oh damn, they put this one on a stump. i think what i would not... like, they don't give you golf carts for this. no, it's just like at a park. yeah, that's the half the fun of golf.
11:43 is the car? oh no! also, uh... i've been told disc golf courses are near fresh water disc golf courses near fresh water are frequently home to alligators and several serious attacks have occurred when players ventured into murky water or tall reeds to retrieve lost discs tragically a man was killed in 2022 while looking for discs. oh
12:04 rip bro. you're a fucking dickhead man. that's the first thing you should have learned when you were gonna play this today. oh man, so i went to the farmers market to get my little... i think i've talked about how i joined the csa. the confederate states of america. and when i got there it was mobbed and there was a petting zoo?
12:30 and a booth with like 12 cops, but like on the like as if they had like things for sale.
12:36 and when i looked it up it said it was family fun day and the things it listed were like petting zoo fruits and vegetables the chesterfield police department uh bouncy castle is it like a different font too no it was just smack in the middle yeah bro you look like you're playing bully i fucked it up you do look like bully you'd look like you're playing bully right now i am bully
13:04 bitch. off the tree. that was intended. that was planned. don't say that's out of bounds. i can pick it up out of the water. oh, huge. the rocks saved me from drowning. seems like a nice guy. i don't know. here's recent stand up. we need to protest. wait, really? yeah, he was at the... i don't know whose roast it was, but... oh, the roast of kevin hart? yeah, he's like, oh, we're allowed to use the slur again? let's go.
13:37 because all you did was put a d in front of raymond. this f*** is retarded. well you've heard the rap song he did for the wwe album in like maybe 2006? you know i don't think i did. it's got some... i mean i don't think he wrote it. i'm not trying to put that on him but it's very funny. is it anything like uh be a man hogan? i'm not interested.
14:04 he's bragging about his, uh, his, again, he's writing it in character as the rock, the wrestler. yeah. not as the guy who's dwayne, the rock johnson, but he's bragging about his sexual conquests. i believe he sleeps with a middle aged chinese neighbor of his.
14:24 and he, let me just say, he had her saying some crazy things. name a thing for a dollar. luke said the rock's pr team doing the math on, well shane gillis is here so i could say it exactly five times. that's good. did you see the video of the rock talking about the new hierarchy of power?
14:51 i have seen that one. yeah, it's really bad because he just says it about 10 times in a row. well the hierarchy of power is about to change. now what you're going to see here is why the hierarchy of power in the dc universe is about to change. the hierarchy of power in the dc universe is about to change. the hierarchy of power in the dc universe is about to change.
15:22 the hierarchy of power in the dc universe is about to change. things will never be the same because the hierarchy of power in the dc universe is about to change. you made a movie in the dc verse called black adam. oh yeah, yeah.
15:43 and he was trying to basically like take over dc and be like i'm gonna save dc and you know black adam is gonna be the new superman kind of like blah blah blah. which is fucked up because black adam will always be rowan atkinson to me.
16:01 alright, whatever, whatever. i was trying to think of the right joke to make but none of them were really passing the sniff test. dude, i didn't think the exact same thing on this whole i did last time. i never would have. i was either going to say with making a joke about black adam. i told you maya, you look cool story. i'm pretty sure. i don't think so. that phrase is ruined for me.
16:19 long story short, a friend of mine many years ago got like blackout drunk and everyone put like cocks all over his face with shark and he was like... oh, that's right. yeah, scribbled it and his little sister in the morning goes, you look cool. devastating.
16:34 now if you remember when our mutual friend came over when we filmed dragon slayer doppelganger? i guess you came over because it was like my house. but yeah, i was there. and then he ate like 12 hard boiled eggs and then fell asleep with the eggshells all over him in his bed. well yeah, we put the... we kept putting the eggshells in his hands and he was so drunk he just kind of kept his hands cupped for several hours. disgusting man. and then we started piling like rock band instruments on top of them. that was a great scene. see that was the kind of shit... that's what i always do. like i wasn't like...
17:03 like putting my nuts on anyone's forehead or any of that kind of like degenerate shit i was just piling things on people if they passed out yeah and then you just put like every couch cushion on them you already feel bad when you wake up and then you're just like oh what's all this shit you don't have to go to the bathroom and like scrub your face with nail polish remover or anything like that yeah yeah i didn't feel bad i wrote a part for that guy in the movie and he bailed at the last second who was he gonna be me he was gonna be on
17:30 you guys are gonna kiss, because he had slightly longer hair. bro, this is like when will smith was gonna be neo in the matrix and then he was like, nah.
17:40 that would have changed everything. yeah, yeah. farah as the only mormon, not to say you're still mormon, the only mormon who's ever been associated with mormonism in my life. you have any thoughts on the bricks and minifigs controversy? bro, i have steered clear. yeah, that's some shit. anytime it's come up. i actively do not want to be interested in this because just it just i have
18:04 i don't get the well i don't even want to dive into it honestly because it's all it just seems like a complete mess. i've avoided having to know anything about that shit. yeah. i don't know what you're talking about so that's good i guess. oh it's a whole can of worms. it's like a lego thing? yeah. it's like a rabbit hole dog. yeah. store uh lego drama.
18:25 is lego drama. storm might have stolen $200,000 of a dude's lego and also inadvertently revealed that the united states of america is controlled by the church of latter day saints. well that part i believe. i'm coming back. my ass cannot stop hitting trees. there's too many. oh my god. he's turning. foam pick is ready. i'm in the tree.
18:49 yeah, you're standing on top of the light post man. that's good. damn, he's purged.
19:03 you know what i'm a man of honor so motherfuckers playing metric i truly did this incredible
19:26 yeah, they should have played the game for sure. they should dude play it play the game in mecha chameleon and it's like uh, just someone telling a joke frank under word to uh meet you would you like to play some meet you chameleon with me?
19:43 now i know you're saying didn't they come out with this game in 2001 when they called it prop hunt but they have done something different and reinvented the game by adding a paintbrush now i ask you if that's not american then what is?
19:57 is this is this daniel craig's character in knives out pill? this is jason at least conservative house whip majority leader frank underwood from the house of cards netflix show. oh, your favorite guy bizarrely bisexual frank underwood. fucking new pornographer song. i thought you were doing now i'm just a simple southern lawyer. it's the same. it's 100% the same way. yeah.
20:26 watch this now you recognize me as a frother so i hope you don't mind if i speak to you discally as a frog does that's like slightly different no it's daniel plaines talk to you discly is crazy have you guys ever seen what daniel dale lewis like dresses like when he's not like acting or method acting he's a fucking popper dog like an actor when he's not acting
20:54 it messes with me and then i see him as daniel blaine's you and i'm like, that's just a guy he's wearing like all this like this hip clothing and stuff and i'm like, it doesn't make sense. oh i've hit the weeping willow
21:07 ooh, i'm on the fairway. give me that fade. that was a fucking sexy shot, dude. that was a sexy ass shot. right behind the tree. no. did you do it like under the legs or something? we like just barely missed the tree and curved around it. it was like it weaved through the forest a little bit.
21:25 alright it went the other way than i thought it was gonna go. so i guess i don't understand anything again. hit the tree. sometimes like if you change it to a run up it can totally fuck the pattern. yeah. oh i hit the goddamn basket again. i see that happen. dude two baskets hits in one hole. that's crazy. i love the leg lift. the leg lift is so good. i never saw one more getting
21:54 i didn't see it 15 times. no, zero times. i saw it on home video and then also every june in middle school through to like the ninth grade. they would always, the teacher would always do a poll like what movie should we watch? an armageddon one every single time. i had a social studies class where we watched last of the moecons. oh damn. daniel day lewis.
22:19 but uh, when it was in street clothes. the what? the moe cons? i said the moe cons.
22:24 during the scalping scene. he stood in front of the tv. he was like, all right he was like an old southern guy which is funny to be teaching in like a shitty new york school yeah, he's like we can't be watching this and everyone's like come on. come on. he's like, okay it was awesome that guy was crazy that was like a course, right? i don't have to i don't have to remake actually i could just play random course again our english teacher did that with when we watched the movie version of 1984. i
22:53 oh, she got really? oh boy. and she just like stood in front of it. i think we might have had different grade 10. did she understand the symbolism? wait, did you does your grade 10 teacher's last name rhyme with what you do when you're sleepy? quiet? what rhymes with nocturnal emissions? actually, i'm wondering we might have actually had a substitute during that class.
23:20 did your substitute teacher rhyme with what james franco did in spider man 3 when he eats the pie? debs, i'm qa ing right now. mrs. sleepfarts. that's good. that's good. this might not be a run up actually. this might just be ascended. and if we were ever gonna hole in one, this is the time, man. yeah. yeah. yeah. wade! oh. oh. i should have full powered it. oh.
23:53 i like that you can go to like the whole cam. yeah, i love the whole cam and see it coming. love seeing it coming from all camp. you don't see that that much. is that like has anybody ever done that? randy johnson like bursting up the bird when he's throwing it. has anybody ever bursted the chains? like they like severed a chain with the speed of their disc?
24:24 yeah, like every ghost come bursting through the wall, burst in the chains. i hope so. one of us is having a stroke for sure. it's going to happen for a few years. no, that's, that's good. that's good. cause that means it's not just me. what the hell? i think one of you hit me with your disc.
24:45 i think you struck my disk in mid air when i was shooting. he struck my disk, he has. i bite my thumb at you. you struck me right in the disk. he did disk slab me. damn, you almost got minus extra points. he's in, he's out. i'm connecting. you change your mind like a girl changes clothes, man.
25:14 perry and trudeau mm hmm there they're dating i don't even know unable to join oh great and now we got some your disc golf in the game so i got a son here can you go like damn it walk into a fire get out of the game man stay whatever the hell we're here and then you're gonna laugh to your little friends about it while freaking sniffing your farts
25:41 i pressed the kick button, but he's not even in so i can't kick him yet and if i press the kick button again, then next time mouth joins is gonna kick mouth oh my god, he kicked him and it's gonna kick me too. oh my i'm sure i keep trying to join it keeps saying unable so oh, it looks like you got this spot. i'll stop doing it nope, oh my god, i think i think would be just faster to remake on us. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh
26:10 oh my god. if i do squeak in, just think of the pogs. oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. that's true. i thought we were clip farming holes in one but we're just going into the lobby. i see mal's name. i have a feeling that the fighting for joining is what's breaking it, you know? you definitely can't tell your viewers to walk into a fire. they're not my viewer. checkmate. you know what, checkmate. but where do you think the line is? do you think it's okay to say, i can't say what i think you should do?
26:41 but you should do it. yeah, i didn't say it in real life. it better be okay because i say that shit all the time. really? that's far too vague to be problematic. all right, i'm gonna make a new lobby because... yeah, no, it's fair. but first i'm gonna go into the multiplayer menu and block samir. samir! get out of here, man! you can't be showing the screen, i think, until everyone's in. i'm not showing the screen ever. we were in it, we were readied up, and the game was about to start. i'm unable to join.
27:13 motherfucker man, this can okay. i was connecting for so long and then freaking samir deb's shoot me at the end. i just want to how we know i thought you blocked him or something. well, i don't know if that's even possible to be honest with now that's where you find out that that's actually one of the days for me
27:36 it says unable to join. so i'm maybe because i got kicked like let me just quit the game again. yeah maybe a close reopen situation. this whole time we thought samir was the enemy but it's actually the netcode. now if you know there's a... i forgot the name of the movie. there's a citizen kane reference in the new minions movie you might want to see it. i did see the preview for that when i went to see supergirl. oh i was supergirl though.
28:04 i thought it was pretty bad. yeah, on the maufi scale it's an f for forget about it. yeah. well, so is minions to be honest. you don't need to see minions and monsters. oh really? you see all the discourse about like the minions, like were they there? like were they nazis? and then the guy who made...
28:23 one of the minions people had to like clarify like the minions were not involved in that. they've really, i find that they've started to shy away from associating the minions with real life monsters, real life villains let's say and now they mostly have them like working for like the kraken or like the abominable snowman or something like that.
28:45 probably to free them from this sort of prickly discourse that they've gotten themselves involved in. yeah, yeah. i can't stop thinking about stefan saying that the minions did 9 11 but they were the ones that crashed into a field. that's been on my mind for days. and people keep talking about like, oh it's so cool, like, minions, bro have you seen any minions movies? minions is literally just like italian.
29:14 it's just italian but when they see something cute they say like kawaii. that's it. oh what's that quote? get ready to learn minionese bud. get ready to learn minionese. i wish for a birdie. i mean there's no such thing as a good minion. dead minion. it's inherently a bad name like you don't want to be a minion. yeah. or henchman.
29:37 there is a lean actually yeah, i keep forgetting to do the lean ricky somehow just times someone out it was confusing because all they said it was yo, but it reminds me how i was watching chibaly stream the other day while doing the dishes. oh
29:50 and a little bit of water splashed onto the screen and pulled up someone's name and hit ban on them. i was amazed at how that all happened. i think there's got to be a way for me to throw this thing further. yeah this does this is like as far as we were throwing it in the fourth grade man. yeah yeah.
30:10 we're missing a button that lets you use your arm. i was throwing a frisbee 90 meters in the fourth grade easy. it's just knowing how to put spin on it, bro. i was throwing it in such a way that when you grabbed it, when you caught it, it was still spinning in your hand like a saw blade.
30:29 i was throwing the types of lasers that would have people going like this after they caught it. i can't see it's an easy fan in the hand in front of what i am yeah, i figured he was doing like a jerk off motion they started jerking off because it was yeah, that's so hot there like it's so cool. i guess is the first
30:49 sports game i played where i know i could do better irl. see, i've been saying that and then chat tells me i'm insane. i'm telling you, i can throw the frisbee further than this guy. i don't know if i don't have enough points in like my creative player or whatever. i can throw a frisbee further than him. that's all after this. let's all go outside and get video of ourselves hucking frisbees. we'll get proof. the trick is you throw it lower and it almost like it dips down to the earth and then it rises up.
31:17 and i think you can throw a frisbee like at least 500 meters. you gotta throw a riser.
31:24 500 meters is quite a bit. although you remember the whistling nerf football thingies with the frickin... oh, of course, man, of course. this'll be a hot ghost thing, dude. i actually have like a very traumatic memory. we were at my grandma's and she had this like her backyard sloped down into a river and there was like a balcony or like a deck.
31:48 on the upper level. my... we were playing and my uncle is like, hey, mikey, you think i could throw this in the river? and i was like, please don't. and he launched... the river was still like...
32:00 it was like... 490 meters away. it was like 200 meters away. he went in and i was on the verge of tears and so silent. they ended up getting in the canoe and like traveled the river and they brought it back. that's crazy. i had a traumatic event with the whistler.
32:17 i was at, at the time, believe it or not, i was on the volunteer firefighter drill squad. damn! i was 11 years old and an adult threw the whistle tip football at me from far away and i went to catch it and the plastic tip hit me in the finger and broke my finger. holy shit! that's a john elway? was he giving it some gas? oh yeah, he was far away when he threw it. 100% he took that in the shotgun formation.
32:45 longest throw i ever witnessed was 170 meters is by a pro. i think this whole sport's just, i mean, shaking waiting for us to show up. i'm talking 500 meters might be a little optimistic, but 300 meters is in the bag. we were doing it on the schoolyard, bro. we were throwing it 150 meters, like 60 degree angle into the air so that it would come back perfectly to your hand like a boomerang and it would zzzzz.
33:14 it would come back perfectly, man. i don't know. everything was at a proportion and scale. i used to think big macs were big. that's a good point. bros playing like usa in the round of 16. someone in the peloton discord said their coworker posted a meme that said the usa beats belgium 5 4. they found four write in goals at 3 a.m. and this shit got me laughing. i was yucking it up, man.
33:43 i was yucking it up at the content of the meme, i was yucking it up at the... so the inappropriateness of someone sharing that in like a work slack or something like that. i was gonna say i'm so uh i'm a little jealous that you get to avoid like so much discourse. oh yeah. it's been so badly.
34:03 and i don't even go seek it out really. it just keeps happening. i'm just trying to be on the right side of history. well wishes to my good friend mitch mcconnell. i heard he's going through something right now. he'll be 20 minutes last night. he's fine. yeah, he'll be fine. he'll bounce right back. that's actually great news, man. that took that way too long. a young spry guy like that? he's got so much like... what's that? like... no, i was gonna say dangly neck meat.
34:32 that's honestly, that's like a armor. it's like the nutrients are stored there. i work in a hospital, we call that armor. you're actually unhealthy if you don't have that, because that's the first thing your body needs when it enters a state of crisis. doesn't have everything the body needs.
34:50 it can't be that serious, right? because i heard his wife like is in china or something like that. so is justin. obviously like for her, she must be okay. he must have dropped her a text or something that was like, don't worry about it. don't let it ruin your trip. god, you look so stupid with that fucking visor on man. he's so pink. me? your pink boy. beautiful shot. real redhead. this is gonna be
35:22 i'm about to give you a clip. here comes the clip. boom, here comes the boom. ready or not. how you like my clip? it was almost a clip. it was almost a clip. i appear to be the rattle out, dude. this thing's almost got the bonus show. actually, he or me is probably the perfect oh, shit. why did it beep it so hard? i didn't realize i was on a jesus christ.
35:54 you're in the tree, you're in the tree, you're in the tree. i'm in the tree. it's crazy to think that this is like the angle people had as the last thing they saw before they died. that was a great shot man. thank you. watch this. this could actually do some damage. this was gorgeous. that's a good throw. i like that one. fucking trees. that was holy. that was actually quite good. quite good. quite good, murphy. very good, sir. what kind of milk is that?
36:23 what kind of milkshake do you think he would drink right up? i mean this is like the late 1800s there's no shot they had anything but like chocolate right? chocolate sassafras or something? do you think that's why he jumped right to it? it's just like it's a new thing he's just like yeah yeah yeah i'll drink your milkshake that's how furious i am with you. it's a faaaaad. butterscotch is so good. i love those old english flavors man.
36:49 butterscotch, butterscotch, caramel. being anti butterscotch is fucking crazy. i don't understand why you're getting off there, justin. rick grimes at the frickin' ice cream shop. rick grimes at the ice cream shop and they're asking what kind of syrup he wants. caramel!
37:08 you might have to hold my hand here cuz it kind of sounds like yeah, we're there's are so good man i know like only old people like butterscotch, but like old people are the foremost authorities on sweets, man. i
37:36 they don't got time to frick around with things they don't like. so that's anytime you see an old person, watch what they do and just do it. they've already figured it out. like why am i doing that? they got the best way of doing things, man. bro, it's like a great depression flavor. it's good sugar. butterscotch tastes like a nice bowl, man. you would love all these fucking vancouver ice cream places that don't have butterscotch anymore.
37:59 they don't know how to make butterscotch. they only know how to make thai iced tea and mango sticky rice flavor and shit. oh shit. pissing me the fuck off. i'm also, i'm just not much of a candy guy either i'll say. give me a reese's peanut butter cup or nothing. wow that is really good.
38:14 i'm such a candy guy. i gotta not have it in my house or i would just fucking eat it all. yes, sir. buy my kid jelly bellies and then eating like 30% of the bag on the first day. i mean you've got right to number one on my list. not gonna lie. like i used to fuck up an entire bag of jelly bellies. that's another one where it's like i could... you would have to pay me to eat a jelly bean man. no! they taste like anything though. they taste like anything. the texture is awful. the texture, it's got every texture.
38:43 it kind of does. it's crunchy on the outside. it's gooey on the inside. ricky said i'd be beating your ass verbally if i was on this call right now. i don't know. what's pissing me off the most is that you're like, your take on reese's is like so grounding and proving that you have taste buds. but then your take on everything else is so out of whack for me that it's calling the whole thing into question. just butterscotch and jelly beans. do you like candy corn?
39:12 i don't mind it yeah yeah that's yes that's everything no see candy corn is actually not really good yeah if you don't like butterscotch or jelly beans but you like candy corn i think i might like have you sent to like some kind of i don't love the candy corn but i do really like the pumpkins oh i think the pumpkins are much worse
39:34 really? yeah, like i don't know if i've ever seen the pumpkins. yeah, i remember the pumpkin. i just my dad there were certain things that he just got carte blanche, candy corn, pumpkins. sometimes i give him a couple tootsie tootsie rolls even though i like those. i can't believe i'm not familiar with the pumpkins.
39:52 it's the same as candy corn. it's like a halloween candy filled with wax. it's almost literally just like a candy corn but pumpkin shape. it's like when you eat the baby bell. yeah, and then you roll the wax into a ball and then they just paint it orange. god damn it. i often say i'm like, yeah, just kind of like all food and you guys are just like hammering through all the foods i don't like. what about certainly like food i bet. oh, horrific. hate them. yeah, those are actually really bad. those are really bad.
40:20 i'm not gonna say they're bad, but i'm not really rocking with like gummy bears. i think gummy bears are the most overrated candy. everyone acts like a horrible gummy bear is like ambrosia, but i know you're right. i just find that they're okay.
40:34 they're fine worms. they're fatter. a sourgum. yes, the sourgummy worm is better. the texture is better. it's if i mean like candy candy like that. it's swedish berries. i'm a swedish berry lover as well for sure. there's so much. i don't know if i've had a swedish berry. they're like canadian swedish fish.
40:53 oh, okay. dude, swedish fish are so bad. no, dude. no, they're not. but like the berry is it's shaped like a berry so the center it's thicker so it's like moisture. they don't get dried out. starting to think i don't like i don't like any chewy candy. apparently. what's the top five candy for you then? i mean reese's is at the top. kit kats are chill.
41:19 i'll talk about kitkat so i think they're overrated chocolate on top of wafer who gives a fuck that's the thing. i'm still like i'm not going out of my way for a kitkat but like it's fine snickers is good snickers. yeah, what's where's the line? i don't like drawn there though. like what? simplicity in the design of candy i think should be lauded kitkat seems like a chocolate bar. you should get for free instead of paying for how do we feel about the humble
41:45 i like the variance better but i don't mind the m&m's. yeah, i'm definitely all, i would highly prefer a peanut m&m to a regular m&m. nah. i'm kinda rocking with all m&m's. they're all fine. reese's pieces are actually like crack cocaine. well those are just like better m&m's yeah. that's the only reese's i don't like. oh my f are you crazy? now you just sound insane. now you're just trying to piss me off. no i'm not. they just taste different than any other reese's. they like did something different to it. yeah better. they taste better.
42:14 that's not fake newton's justin. no, absolutely not. see okay now now i can officially hate you and hi how could you hate fig newton's? i just don't like the way they taste bullshit. no, that's bullshit. i really don't like like i just don't like a cookie with some shit like a preserve done like an oreo oreos are going you're done
42:45 yeah fig newton. like i feel like i want a glass of water thinking about it. it's not contrarian if you don't like fig newton. well yeah it is in like 1902. my dad used to have a co worker that had a dog and they put a working toilet in the the dog house outside and it we'd go and it knew how to like flush it and everything. that's awesome man. it was pretty sweet. that's crazy. the guy also made his own wine and he had a workout room
43:15 with the walls were littered in cutouts from playboy. and i was like, your wife is just cool with this man? uh, ladies aren't allowed in the garage, okay? but she also put like a naked picture of him on the fridge, which is... way... it was just his butt and everything else, but like i was like, i don't feel comfortable being in this kitchen right now.
43:39 my dad's co workers naked. bro, they're acting like the ring corrupted smigiel. bro, drowned his friend before he even became gollum, bro. it just, that person was always inside him, you know what i mean? i knew smigiel, bro. he was a bad dude. man, that really made the call go silent, fuck. yeah, we're all reflecting.
44:01 also the ring, i'm just gonna say it, doesn't seem that powerful. makes you turn invisible, but the trade off is that the worst creatures in the world can see you and teleport to your location. great superpower. yeah, that is a pretty bad trade off. what else is the ring supposed to do besides make you turn invisible?
44:18 does it got other abilities? or is it just the one? i think sauron used it to like forge his his armies uh like munitions or whatever. with a ring? yes. it's like it amplifies your your the magnitude of your power or something. gives you a plus five to persuasion. you know what what a freaking idiot why didn't he have like nine more of them rings? dude for real. should have just taken them to home depot dude make a few more of them. imagine having one ring on every finger.
44:46 right, he's so invisible. enel says he hates smeagol but the enel says episodes where he was a guest are still up dot dot dot. that's good. that's history okay? i'm not gonna erase history. yeah you're not, you don't like the revisionist history. exactly.
45:03 the line looks like meets back on the menu boys implies that mordor has restaurants. yes. yeah, they know what a menu is. oh, yeah. yeah, but they're struggling. well, they have taverns because they go to the the galloping pony or whatever to meet strider. yeah, i guess a menu isn't exclusive to a restaurant, is it? double perfect, double perk. oh no, it's gone all the way. we were talking candy. do any of y'all have like freak fruit opinions? okay. uh,
45:32 durian legit bad, not just, it's not hype, it's bad. i could see that, i could see that. i don't think that's that crazy, but i'm thinking i've had durian. you would know it smells like rotten gasoline. i can't think of a fruit. i mean, i haven't had durian, so i don't get to put that on the list, but i can't think of a fruit i like don't like. durian is a plant. i stand by that. a fruit is something that's edible.
45:57 there's only two good kinds of apple, honeycrisp and granny smith and then also that new variant of honeycrisp. do you make granny smith? you can cut them up and have some peanut butter with those? that's delicious. that's peanut butter carries though. i had this exact conversation on my discord today. the peanut butter is carrying there.
46:13 dude, by itself i'll have a granny smith slice. i'm happy with that. i don't hate granny smith, but i'm not really rocking with it. pears are better than apples. fuck you. no they're not. get me a plate of sliced granny smith apples, cheese, and crackers and i'm happy. a fiji apple? i'm rocking with a fiji apple. a fuji apple?
46:32 fuji. fuji apple, that's the one. fiji's the water in the place. i probably got that perspective. bro, i was on a disney cruise, okay? they have a chicken shawarma set up? no. i know, things no one would ever believe. they had a chicken shawarma set up, okay? listen to this. i go up to the guy, i say, hey, can i get chicken shawarma, but can i get it served on top of the pita instead of inside? he gives me a blank look.
46:59 and then we're kind of like feeling each other out for a minute and he goes, oh, i was confused because that's how we always serve them. hey buddy, you're talking to the fucking expert here. no, you don't. you're stuffing the shit inside of the peta unless you say something on top of the peta. i go back to the chicken shawarma place. don't say anything the next day. they put the shit inside of the peta. then i'm the asshole and i'm the asshole for making a special request. and i had to make the special request because i mean, some of them are great at stuff in the peta, but some of them are just not. they're leaving it all right at the entrance.
47:28 or they just tear it up. yeah, like some of them are good at it, but you know some of them they i mean they haven't had pita class which is fine. i mean i don't know how to set it up that's why i'm at the restaurant. also got laughing because we were playing pixar trivia on the disney cruise and then you got to trade forms to mark someone else's because otherwise his motherfuckers will cheat.
47:50 and one of the questions was how much did disney buy pixar for and their answer was $500,000 and i was like. oh my god. i think the real answer is like $9 billion or something like that. dude.
48:08 i was at my brother's on the weekend or yeah and anyways he's just like rolling through random youtube clips and he's like worst price is right contestant ever. oh dude is it joy? joy? joy! he used the one twice! no it's a guy in his sailor outfit against this lady and she passed on this like it was like two motorcycles a dining room set and something else right
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49:33 and this showcase can be yours if the price is right. do you wish to bid or pass, gay? i'm gonna pass. you will pass to jose. and then he, this guy guesses. his first guess is $250,000. and then bob is like, are you sure about that? and then he's like,
49:56 $60,000 and then bob was just like, all right. and then she bids $1 because she knew she would win. because like, i guess typically the stuff is like 30,000 ish range. yeah. or whatever. i bid $250,250. that was 250,000. 250,000.
50:28 think about that for a moment now. whoo! wait. $60,000. $60,000. actual retail price of her showcase? $28,898. a difference of $28,897. now over to jose.
50:52 oh, say you bid $60,000 on your showcase. actual retail price of hosei showcase. 20,685. you win. you win. yeah, his thing ended up being worth 28,000 and his first guess was 250,000. that's so fucking fun. that's really good. i was thinking of the other worst prices, right? contestant.
51:20 where it's like you get the five numbers and you have to rearrange them to make the price of a car in the price of the car there are five numbers using all five numbers right down the price of that automobile go come on joy, right joy 19,000 why? 19,000 what joy 19 you can use the one twice you can't do that 19,000 what?
51:50 19,000. now what, please tell me, do you have here? 19,305 numbers. you've written 1930. 19,302. no, joy. now come on. let's go. you're gonna lose your turn if you don't write. 13,000 what? 19,000. all right, write it out now. finish it off. you use the one twice there.
52:26 now you've used the one here twice. here are the five numbers. using those five numbers, write it down. thirteen thousand what? nineteen thousand what? nineteen thousand, nineteen thousand, two hundred, you've used the one twice. thousand.
52:53 knight, you've used the one twice, joy. look, right down here. what do you want to write? you want to write 19,000? write it down. write it down. 19,000. now you have the three, you have the two, and you have the zero left. $320. and no. one more chance. one more chance. 21,000. all right, now you have the three, the zero, and the nine left.
53:23 go ahead. 9 0.
53:28 but every time she rearranges it, she keeps using one of the numbers twice and then like looking at the audience and the audience is like screaming at her. they're like, oh, she like scratches it out and then thinks for a second and then writes the same number down again. right after that. oh, and it goes on for like it's like five minutes long. it's so good. you put the nine first.
53:56 oh that could have been it. who the hell is this guy? guys i was reading about, do you know terra australis? the hypothesized super continent in the southern hemisphere before motherfuckers got smart enough to just sail their boats south until they hit antarctica. i am unfamiliar. yeah i'm unfamiliar with that. i was reading about that on the toilet this morning. shit is fucking funny man. they were literally stupid.
54:22 they were there. they were writing a scott. the smartest people on earth were writing shit that was like, i'm hypothesizing there must be a super continent with at least 50 million people there. that's twice the size of europe and africa put together. like they had no idea what, why didn't they just sail south? like i don't understand. yeah. they had boats.
54:44 but why did they think there was 50 million people? they literally thought that because the northern hemisphere had so much land, the southern hemisphere must have an equal amount of land. otherwise, like the earth wouldn't work. and they would keep like land. they would land in like papua new guinea and be like, oh, shit, this is it. terra australis. and they would draw a map where it like literally like just south of asia would be like a supercontinent the size of the entire southern hemisphere.
55:12 they were saying shit like it goes all the way to the equator. that is incredible i don't get i don't get why they were so stupid this time or back then like they didn't know what they were fucking doing, bro i uh, i like the people who think that if you like go far enough into the north pole there's like another continent that they're keeping from. yeah yeah, we need we need conspiracies with like more whimsy like birds aren't real. oh
55:37 yeah, i agree with that. that's a good one. that was too much whimsy because it like took over reddit and people were talking about finland not existing and shit like that annoying. every once in a while, i still walk past like anti covid vaccine propaganda and it just makes me wonder like what their
55:55 what that person's life must look like in in 2026. they're still going around like putting up flyers that are like don't get the covid vaccine bro. yeah that i think i think that would still go hard in a lot of places in america. really? i thought nobody was getting them.
56:20 it would've been an awesome clip for people who think i'm an anti vaxxer. i think the problem is that it's free. if they charged a bit of money, there'd be people... because like anytime someone's trying to give something away for free, you're like, well, what's the catch? right? yeah. right. so they got to start charging a couple bucks for the vaccine and then anti vaxxers would be like, oh, you charge your money for it, it must be good. i want it. wait, wait.
56:46 i had a professor in university and it was like a biology of sex course so it was tangentially related. he told us that there is a penile lengthening surgery but basically all they do, you know how like 80% of your dick is inside of your body?
57:03 they basically just go in and like cut a cord that holds it in and then like more falls out comes on of you. yeah, but it doesn't really stand that attention properly. yes he did tell us it makes it kind of that's like the more ain't the merrier. i
57:20 i want to be like, you know those like woodpeckers how their tongues wrap around the back of their skull and like back out? that's gonna be me. you want to be able to loop it back. yeah. it's gonna wrap around the back of my skull. did i tell you i had someone, i was playing magic a couple weeks ago and someone was like, have i heard you laughing in a mario party video? that was really funny. they were very nice.
57:49 never had an awesome blossom, bloomin' onion. i have had one but it's only been at the airport out back so i feel like you can't take me seriously. it's one of the foods that i, you know, like almost never had but after seeing how many calories are in a bloomin' onion i was like i could never have one.
58:05 again may legit be in contention for like the worst thing you can eat and i love onions that's the thing i have fucking like i'm an onion 4000 calories well it's all the batter in the whatever dipping sauce right there just yeah it's the the batter the fact that it just like the whole thing just goes in a vat of oil for a while that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna open up a restaurant blooming onion it's i have one of those uh food challenges
58:28 if you can eat, and i'm gonna have, okay, so here's what i'm gonna do. you know how they do, they like inject pumpkins with like giant syringes full of whole milk? no, man. no, i've never heard of this. that's how they get them to be like, you know, those like 2000 pound pumpkins. really? they're putting milk in them? yeah, whole milk. i'm gonna start doing that. wait, does it just swell the pumpkin or does the pumpkin feed off the milk to get bigger? no, they probably, i think they put it in the vines or something maybe.
58:58 i'm gonna do that with my onions and then and then i make a bloomin' onion and if you can finish it in under an hour by yourself you win 20 bucks and free t shirt. not a bad idea. yeah. yeah. oh crazy. no you don't you don't get the 20 bucks you get the t shirt and you don't have to pay for it. do they really inject the pumpkins with with whole milk? i'm pretty sure
59:24 someone in chat said, wow, mouth is right. i had no idea they did that. yeah. wow. people always say, oh, mouth is sounds like he's like high on some kind of drug, but i never lie. it just seems so, so cause i did a science experiment on plants and the plants that i was using did not like milk at all. right. spoilers. a lot of plants. they much preferred water. goonan onion would go crazy in texas. gooning onion. jesus. oh man.
59:52 oh man. i still love, i found in a home depot parking lot with this massive ford 350 truck and just at the top of the windshield, massive all caps, it just said gooner.
1:00:05 and they had like the like vanity license plate that also said gooner or maybe it wasn't good. it was like chelsea. i don't know obviously they were a fan of whatever the soccer team i was at a wawa in florida and saw like the most degenerate car i ever saw i said that crazy that was so insane oh my god
1:00:27 i ever saw. tell her what happened to me. it was it was a car with a full wrap. and i'm not gonna say this right probably with with the ego face. yeah, it had just 1000s of the ego face and they all think they'd come on them. yeah. yeah, there is a particular
1:00:50 i don't know which word, i want to use a non problematic word so i'm not going to say phenotype. but there's a particular brand of like just subordinate nerd that clearly like was bullied in school.
1:01:06 and now that they have like a good tech job, they're like, oh yeah, all the shit you bullied me about? well, i'm going to actually use it to signal like that i was right and my life is awesome. and the fucked up cum covered anime car raps are easily the most brazen of all those sins. yeah, yeah, yeah. no, you're right. because i see him, i see him around not every day, but at least once a month.
1:01:34 yeah, but you gotta protect protect the paint job. well, you have to have some kind of rap yeah, i get i get torn because uh, like there's a part of me like when i see people being like that horny in public i'm like, i want to hit them with like a newspaper. yeah, but then like sometimes i'm really horny, you know like yeah on your cars a bit much. i don't even have any bumper stickers. oh
1:01:57 me neither. i don't want anything identifying on my phone. no, no, no. that is crazy, man. it's nuts to me, especially like political bumper stickers. it's like, bro, you're just hoping that some psycho doesn't key your car or worse. i know some of the fucking washington plates i see up here with the harris walls 24 sticker. i know that bitch is a magnet and you slap that on right before you get to the border.
1:02:19 so your shit doesn't get fucked up here. that's my mom. really? my mom has a thin blue line magnet that she puts on as she drives through the south. really? that's so funny. yeah, yeah. and then she takes it off when she gets here. well of course that, you gotta do that. that's obvious, but... i think that shit is so fucking funny.
1:02:39 there's also another tie and this actually is going to hurt someone in chat so i apologize but the ironic i have 50 bumper stickers on my car person that has popped up in greater numbers than ever before in the last like five years is they're getting to the point where it's getting a little annoying.
1:02:59 where every single one you got, oh keep honking i'm having a panic attack. my other car is uh, you know, uh, delorean keep honking. i'm a heckin chunk. yeah like that. it's getting yeah, it's too much man they are too much but some of them do get me like so sips link to me one that says uh, if you honk at me, i'll kill myself. okay, because at least do that at least get brazen with it
1:03:23 yeah. and then i also saw someone the other day that had a keep honking. i don't know how to fucking drive. and i was like, you know, that's pretty funny. we should make one every time you honk, i come a little or every time you honk, every time you honk, you're cooking, you're cooking every time you honk, every time you honk. who's like a bad person?
1:04:02 um, um, um going through my rolodex sweater don't say malala every time you honk tyler perry makes another movie. i hey, i had a bumper sticker i wound up putting it in my house on something instead but it was it was the cracker barrel logo and said i sat on my gun weird and blew off my dick and balls and my wife left me at the cracker
1:04:31 i thought that was a good one.
1:04:47 bowling alley, they got some of the best burgers around. just because it's a bowling alley doesn't mean their food's gotta suck, you know? i think the last time i was at a bowling alley was with malf before we saw fubar 2 with your older brother. like actually? i think so. it's been a while. it's been a long time. oh no, no, no, no. because then after that, i went to niagara falls and that boston pizza bowling alley with you as well. oh, right. i do remember that. yeah, new year's.
1:05:17 the decktrian kind of era. my last time bowling was a goated session. it was me, apollo, chiblee, and bloody. did you crack a hundred? i think i did.
1:05:30 that's like the as a fully grown just there man if you if you get a 101 people are like good job if you get a 99, they're like what the fuck is wrong with you. i know i hit either joe i think i was like maybe like a 190 or something. that's fucking great i was i was playing a lot so we for any long island's knowers. we were there was a bowling alley in hempstead and
1:05:53 and it was 99 cent games throughout the summer and me and my friends would take the bus there and just play bowling all fucking play bowling. we'd go bowling all day and it was sick. but there was also leagues and whenever they needed a ringer they would just come up to us and grab one of us.
1:06:08 and it was fun because i was a like little chunky white kid with a mohawk and they would go, we want the crazy white kid. give us that one. and i'd be like, i'm the crazy white kid. yes. we all like my friend group got really into it. like everyone got their own. like we had our own bowling balls and our own bowling shoes. like we weren't using rental shit.
1:06:33 and then i lost my bowling shoes in a horrible way, which was a group of people invited me out bowling to a place i'd never been. and it was a bowling alley where you pay after you leave. didn't inform me that their plan was to just all run at the end of the night. oh no, no, no.
1:06:49 and i left my fucking bowling shoes there in the fray and i couldn't go back like, hey yeah we're the people who just stiffed you can i have my bowling shoes back? so uh that was the end of me having bowling shoes and i think i stopped bowling after that. bad vibes.
1:07:04 i feel like it's still like an easy kids party thing, right? yeah. yeah. that's how we went to the nefany bowling alley for and you know him, but we went for his birthday party in like the eighth grade maybe. uh, like after we finished the games, the lane didn't reset. so we just kept hucking the balls down. i was like, yo, let's go free bowling. so for like an hour, i was just hucking ball after ball down the lane. and then his dad came to pick us up and he,
1:07:33 we got in the car and he was like hey you know they charged us for all that bowling at the end no way i was like oh i must have played like at least 12 extra games like 140 frames of bowling
1:07:47 and then you never were invited to a birthday party ever again? well, we're estranged now, but i still have his copy of xenosaga episode 1 also sprach zarathustra. so i'm really i'm probably up like 300 bucks on to be honest because i think that's a rare ps2 game now. we were hanging out with another family and the their daughter was kind of crashing out. their daughter is the same age as our daughter. so she's like five or six and he started doing the
1:08:13 cornhole eel from beavis and butthead. yeah and she was loving it she was like that's so fun cornhole eel still plays man i didn't i didn't think the kids would know about cornhole. oh, i don't think she really knows i think she thinks that her dad invented cornhole eel, but that's really funny that's gotta be one of the best perks of being a dad probably you could just make shit up like you just retell really funny things and your kid just thinks you're the funniest guy on earth and
1:08:43 bro, my dad told me he was in the nba and i believed him until i was like six. that's so fucking fine. until i was like six i would be like, i wasn't like, i wasn't all in. i wasn't like he's definitely in the nba but i was like, there's like a non zero chance that's his job. i mean if you ever saw like john stockton you're like yeah okay. exactly.
1:09:07 i'll be like my dad would be on the couch like watching the nba though so like you think at some point i would be like hey shouldn't you be like in should you be in salt lake city right now? and i don't want the world to frisbee yes because i don't think that they could spin it when everything
1:09:32 made to be pushed i just want to put into the bucket then in it then in it then i'll just say any rock song that has like a string section you're working uphill from the moment of conception onwards your song better fucking bang if you got like a string quartet playing in the background these are like greatest hit stories for me but
1:09:58 i do want to say again we watched pearl harbor in geography class. our teacher got hired i think to be the volleyball coach but then they like have to teach something as well so he taught ninth grade geography and he showed us pearl harbor which had like just come out and there was a kid in our class in the ninth grade who still covered his eyes when they kissed and we were all gliding on him because we were like come on bro you're in the
1:10:29 he also, i don't know if you were in my geography class, malf, but he leaned backwards on his chair and he was sitting at the back of the class and then his chair, he lost balance and fell and hit his head on the bricks at the back of the class. and he got up going like, motherfucker, fucking goddamn motherfucking stupid. the teacher had to send them to the principal's office.
1:10:54 we're getting hurt. i remember hearing about it but... oh, that was like... it's one of those stories where you're like, i'm gonna remember that for the rest of my life. that's good. and that same kid in the second grade, he was like, hey, you butted me in line. and i was like, no, i didn't. and then he tapped me on the shoulder. when i turned around, he punched me in the fucking nose. wow. so honestly... appropriate response. honestly, fuck that guy.
1:11:22 hope he's doing all right now though in hindsight looking back. i'm like, obviously he's still hiding his eyes, right? well obviously like he wouldn't i mean, you know, let's just put it this way like we've come a long way for like understanding like personality differences in in school aged children. they probably wouldn't just be having him in gen pop now, but oh well, oh they rang the bell a little bit tickled the flag yeah, yeah
1:11:51 check this shit out. i just like to think about guy at a strip club but he's just like looking at the floor the whole time. low key that was kind of me like the two times i've been to strip clubs i find them really awkward. oh yeah i've never been to one. i do feel like it would be very awkward. it's i'm not just trying to be that one friend who's too woke it's literally just uncomfortable. it's just weird yes. well it's like like there's like the you know everyone's there for the same reason so to think like
1:12:18 yo, we're all just sitting around hard. no, it just seems weird. like not you won't get hard in there. watch me. that's how they get you man. you got to jerk off before you go into the strip club. so you got to it's like you got a pregame. yeah. free gaming the strip club by going to google and typing in boobies. so the boners of the strip club are like,
1:12:44 at least 10 times more expensive than they are at home. but it literally just sucks. like it's just, it's a little awkward. and it's one of those things where like, you know, men who were one generation older than you would like, you'll get it when you're older. and then you get older and you're like, i don't get this shit at all. i think it was like, i don't know if it was like a 200 year bubble from like saloons and bordellos through to strip clubs. but like, i do not, i just do not get it.
1:13:14 i do feel like the internet really changed things i think. because back then, i mean, unless you were like in some kind of a relationship, where else are you going to see a titty? right, yeah, yeah. if you wanted to see that many naked ladies, you'd have to be like casanova or something like that. yeah, yeah. being horny fucking sucks. just a thought i had to get out of my head.
1:13:35 i have a theory about that. yeah, yeah. i think men kind of ovulate. yeah, like you got like your there's no cycle. yes, i think there's a there's like i don't know if it's tied to the moon or whatever like it is for ladies but there's like a there's natural hormonal fluctuations for sure there's like months will go by where i'm like
1:13:55 you know, it's good, don't get me wrong. but i could like there's other stuff i could be doing instead. yeah, you're not really thinking about it. but then like a couple of weeks will hit when you're like fucking feral for no reason. like i don't know if you ate some whole milk or something but... and i feel that. there's a male, they're gonna find that men ovulate. they're gonna find it in our lifetime.
1:14:17 like last night i didn't get to bed until 5 a.m. wow. and i woke up for this which is incredible. but i had a very predictable evening where i got into bed at like 1.30 and i was like, hey a little bit horny. let's take care of this. right, okay. and then just nothing would do it. i was like what do you even do? you just go to google and type like titty? like i don't know. nothing was doing it. oh! that was close. that's not the noise i made.
1:14:46 that was so much like one of your sub alerts as well. it was the exact same noise as one of your sub alerts. it really was. it was so close. same cadence and everything. then i fell into despair of like, yeah, damn, i'm lonely, huh? and then that turned into sadness. and then to distract from the sadness, i went on my phone, which pissed me off. i saw stuff that pissed me off, and then i was mad. i couldn't go to sleep because i was... i went through the whole range of emotions. i'm like, man, i'm going to bed at 5 a.m., pissed off and unjacked off. this fucking sucks.
1:15:13 do they still have hotlines? i don't know if a phone would do it. i don't think so. i think it's a gen x thing. yeah, yeah, i think i think hotline. i think we're past that. hotlines is a gen x thing? well, gen x and before i guess. yeah, okay. i don't it's it's weird. i feel like we don't know enough about gen x.
1:15:31 i feel like i know enough about gen x. i'm getting my fill of gen x to be honest. i mean, i have gen x siblings so like i do know but it's like i feel like culturally on mass you know they're trying to lay low for the most part. everybody's all boomer this millennial that gen z gen z you don't hear too many people talking about gen x. you don't know how much the gen xers that are watching are gonna love that. they're gonna be like yes yes
1:15:59 he's saying what we've been saying. no, but like don't they i'm saying like don't are they trying to not be talked about?
1:16:08 there's they're saying we're forgotten just like our parents forgot about us when they gave us a key and i had to watch tv when i got home from school. i you wouldn't fucking get it. i had to watch tv for an hour before my mom got home from work. and it just doesn't sound bad ass to yeah, jenna. millennials should sound bad ass. we sound like we're like,
1:16:34 take me to your leader. take me to your leader. yeah, that's how it comes off now. i don't know if you guys are the same. i can't picture gen alpha like the phrase gen alpha without imagining like a like a precog from minority report but they're like six years old like like the kid from the matrix who says there is no spoon like whenever anyone says gen alpha i picture like a little kid with a shaved head. i feel like you can uh
1:16:58 like i feel like you can't be a horny guy and be 40. like i think you got to really keep it to yourself. oh yeah.
1:17:06 you know, i got really depressed. not really, because it's also really funny. but thinking about like how many old dudes are just wasting their seed jerking off to pictures that they don't know our ai. that is really funny to think about. it's like a full like machines win moment that there's got to be like and i'm sure there's some you know younger guys out there that are doing it by accident too. but to have like your brain just get totally owned by a machine like that
1:17:35 that's really fucking funny. yeah. no that shit is really i like to imagine there's something they're being like can you believe all these celebrities are getting naked now? oh my god, they're all doing hardcore porno this is crazy my kids really i wish i could roll my r's you ever see it was from a video of yogscast playing ttt but sips saying porno with a role on his tongue is like it's poetry. i
1:18:04 it's been stuck in my head since the moment i heard it years ago. just to have something like that in your toolbox would be so nice. it would be. i'd be saying it all the time and getting chuckles. oh! oh! there's the clip. put me in the clip! there's the clip. put me in the clip, man! at the midnight hour, hits the clip. and puts sips saying, poor no. yeah, poor no. it's like that. it's so nice. i don't know how he does it, man.
1:18:39 i'm browsing some of the finest, finest italian porno. porno. porno. porno. pornography. would you like to come to my house later and browse the internet with me for porno? oh, devs, they're going to hate me for saying this, but to thine own self be true.
1:19:03 add cases man. can you do that? no, hey, stop it. can you just add cases to a game or do you need to like be valve and otherwise they're like you're breaking the rules. you must have to file some paperwork somewhere. yeah. but imagine unboxing like a one of one fucking doppler emerald.
1:19:27 factory, like a 20 speed that before you shoot you can like flip it over in your hands and shit like that. you can inspect it. no, you throw a counter strike. get the run counter strike style and inspect the disk while you're running to where the disk got to do. oh, it's so fucking makeable. so doable. have you all have you all ascended further?
1:19:57 in the one hour i was going oh it seems like it oh my oh not all people but you know this guy was saying those giant pumpkins that we love and we know them so well he was saying that they inject them with whole milk to to artificially inflate them no apparently we've all seen them
1:20:24 actually is fucked up talking to your pet in the trump voice feels so good i do it every morning and then i don't i have not done that it's ryuka we love we love our kitties don't we we love ryuka tomo to hello taco. hello he's hungry. he's often hungry can't feed himself needs me
1:20:49 that's fucked up yeah he's gonna be giving like addresses on the from the air raid sirens up here and then my cats are gonna be like yay dinner time yeah fuck i don't know well i don't know who this guy is but i like him they do they're hiding them and then they'll probably put you on hold for like eight years but like eventually they'll be like yeah no um we don't know either
1:21:17 my frisbee hit the ground and then rose into the air as if it had been given a second shot by jesus christ. it was so, like it touched the ground and then it went like, boop! bro, he fucking unlocked the christian frisbee before we could. that's messed up. i know the number one disc golf player in the world has like, god first in his twitter profile, right? it just seems like so guaranteed. or at least like a babelfish sticker.
1:21:42 all i know, like i know literally five people who are into trick shots. the four dudes from dude perfect and then the hypothetical number one disc golf player in the world and they're all deeply religious.
1:21:54 i mean, you know what it must be an asset when you're doing a high variance sport like that. well, i mean, you gotta thank someone for it. are you still rocking the fixed rate pizza from pizza pizza? i haven't had pizza pizza in quite some time based i got a pizza when inflation was going nuts that though so long ago. the canadian pizza chain pizza pizza said you could lock in a pizza price at like 2023 prices.
1:22:23 the problem is pizza pizza. yeah, their pizza. starting to say that at the same time. pizza pizza is really bad. i've been big on it if i ever want pizza these days. i just make a pizza.
1:22:36 yes. well, what i've been doing is a little it's called arbitrage. i bought a bunch of fixed rate pizzas in 2023 and then the prices have gone way up. so whenever i need a little money, i just go outside the pizza, pizza and i hawk a fixed rate pizza for just under what they're selling it for in the store. and then i use that to go to domino's and get a pizza as business, baby.
1:23:01 tweeting at donald trump donald please re evaluate the pizza pizza we need to cut the pizza rates re evaluate the pizza pizza uh din din dinars dinners yeah like oh okay i guess the iraqi dinar yeah yeah yeah damn dude
1:23:19 although i will say so a&w has been advertising these like smash burgers and there's a bunch of like reviews and stuff i saw. i think it just looks like they're just taking their normal patties so they're not actually smashing
1:23:33 you know, which is another thing that bothers me more than it should but when people say they're like on r slash burgers and they're like look at this smash burger i made and i'm just like that's like the fattest burger i've ever seen like yeah yeah, i think it might have been slow puke saying that she had the a and w smash burger and it was fucking like bad don't make fun of him for going to r slash burgers. i went to r. that sounds like a subway once a month
1:23:56 i post on the richmond subreddit and in a moment of, you know, in a low moment in my life they had a dating thread and i was like, yeah, fuck it, i'll post in there. and i just got a reply saying like, what are you doing here, justin? and i was like, this fucking sucks, man. and then i deleted my post. you didn't have to do that, man. you have to delete your account in that situation. yeah, dude. there you go. yeah, you are. i'm your private dancer. i'm terrible. oh my god. did you just say onterrible?
1:24:26 ontario. that's what it's been like somewhere i've never been. doug ford took over. i swear even before that maybe. i do love the ads that they played during the world cup that are like we're making ontario safer by building more jails to put your neighbors into. like the ads are straight out of robocop and i'm barely laying it on.
1:24:48 they're like, for us being safe means throwing more criminals in jail. and then they show like a family holding hands, crossing the street or something like that. the family is basically going, thank you, doug ford. they're jaywalking though, so throw them in jail too. doug ford is a big old meat head.
1:25:07 and he'll probably run for freaking prime minister and be like i stood up to donald trump he literally the reggae guy look like a meathead though like not even yeah like meathead is such a good description he looks like it's like if you took like a roblox head and just like turned converted it to flesh
1:25:29 he was the guy playing reggae in like a council meeting literally rob that's his brother. yeah, who's his wife? yeah, rob. yeah, rob ford died years ago, but his wife just died. oh, really? yeah well now i don't really want to bring this up, but i'm gonna do it anyway all time rob ford moment is when
1:25:46 he got accused of eating another woman's pussy and he said i have enough to eat at home. olivia gondak, it says that i wanted to eat her pussy. olivia gondak, i've never said that in my life tour. i would never do that. i'm happily married. i've got more than enough to eat at home. at the press conference, not even like off.
1:26:02 off mic like he got caught like leaving a restaurant. they held a press concert. that is just fucking funny. that's unfortunately, a lot of these guys are like really really funny yeah, i mean it's a shame how much harm the guy does cuz trump objectively kind of funny one of the funniest living people i think
1:26:22 it's ridiculous. dude, someone posted the other day like he's still making royalties from home alone 2. he made like 80 some thousand dollars. really? yeah. that's crazy. that's why i don't watch this shit. of all the things he's done that maybe pisses me off the most because i'm like, that's a salary. yeah, he did just say the islamic republic of japan. i told this story yesterday. we had 111 missile shot.
1:26:51 by the islamic republic of japan. holy! that sounds like... he went off, it was like yesterday i think. that is. he said a lot of shit. yeah, that is unfortunately accurate. he said a lot of shit real fucked up yesterday. what did biden say that one time? we got korea and japan to make peace or whatever? we just gotta keep getting older, crazier guys in there saying goofy shit.
1:27:18 i'm the guy who got australia and new zealand to be friends again. trump has gotta get him to rain fire. yes, dude. he's not really that funny anymore, but some of the hits are crazy. like the fucking... i made a perfect phone call and they indicted me. that's insane.
1:27:42 that's so fucking funny. never before even conceived of, much less uttered by the president. entirely new phrases. i mean that really just is like, it's kind of the perfect example of why any kind of comedy you try to create out of him is so much worse than anything that is just produced by him, you know what i mean? yeah, yeah. you cannot, you can't write something like that, like he just has to
1:28:10 spewed out. like manifested yeah. yeah that's why i don't like him he's ruined snl yeah big time i stay up late and then i turn it on oh this guy again he's fucking saving late night tv though you know what i'm doing if you had to guess what i'm doing what am i doing
1:28:31 you're doing some weird thing with your hands no you're doing the jerk off dance no i'm doing the where he puts his hands very close and then he pushes him out and he brings him back in yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a classic move
1:28:44 he's looking, yes that's right. he's looking for the pussy. he can't find it. i found it. it stinks. close it back up. he's doing something like that. okay no wait that's an snl sketch though. like yeah yeah. it's either you can't try to like... you have to double down i think. that's the formula is you have to just like really explore what's happening there. yeah we gotta hook you up with lauren man. what happened to that lady whose whole shtick was just like uh like reciting trump's speeches? like panting
1:29:12 like pantomime. she has been doing that. she parlayed that into a couple of movie roles. i think she was in the jerry seinfeld pop tart movie. all right, i'm going to need you to explain a few things for a question. oh, you've had one dude? oh, it is the jerry seinfeld pop tart movie? yeah, the jerry seinfeld pop tart movie. it was out on netflix a couple of years ago. it's all about the invention of the pop tart or whatever.
1:29:40 the biggest ensemble cast ever created and didn't give it four stars he did it feels like you pulled into three different bags and one had like celebrity names one had items medium of jerry seinfeld pop tart movie
1:29:57 it's really fucking funny. it's funny too that like it didn't even seem that weird when it came out but in hindsight i was like yeah that's a fucking weird sentence man. because there is a there's a flaming hot cheetos movie too and you it's easy to get them confused. if they don't have the hot cheetos and takis song in it i'm pissed. yeah i know that one. we gotta we gotta trade songs here. yeah could be but you all we'll make each other a mixtape.
1:30:27 you gotta do the partial step to the side here. can you like start stepping and then immediately throw? i was thinking of that but... it does look like you're trying not to be seen man. you're slowly sneaking up on him. oh that's good stuff. damn, you got a fucking eagle there.
1:30:57 no, that's a quadruple bogey. got an eagle bear. motherfucker playing d&d. oh shit. oh shit, dude. all right. that was fun. yeah, that's fun as hell. good stuff. do this shit again one day next week. yes, sir. would love to. sure. sure. yeah, sure. later. yeah. good gaming, y'all. bye. see you tomorrow for more gaming and goodbye.
1:31:28 i love it when he becomes mario. his name's mario and he bounces on the shells. some of these levels are hotter than the hotter than the hells. and when he spins he can survive a spiny shell.
1:31:52 mario, rio, please do better, please do well.