POCKET SAND - Bits and Banter [06⧸09⧸2026]

Name: POCKET SAND - Bits and Banter [06⧸09⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-06-12
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "POCKET SAND - Bits and Banter [06⧸09⧸2026]" — 304 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-06-12

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0:00 you look like nails from cool world. you know, nobody's really told me that before, but i have seen cool world and also played like a shitload of the snes game when i was a little kid for some reason. i think it was kind of like roger rabbit 2. it was like, oh shit, maybe it's going to be like, we're going to be living in a world where the movies are like half animated, half brad pitt.
0:25 cool world. nails. nails the spider? okay, so this is a spider who smokes a cigar and shoots a fucking revolver. i do not look like this guy, man. this guy looks like a cuphead boss. obviously, yeah, it looks like corey. obviously, it looks like corey. oh, the sloppy toppy boys be like a man of constant swallows. i like that. i am a man of constant swallows.
0:56 that's obscene. i mean, they're already called the soggy bottom boys. all i asked them to do was flip around. doesn't seem that over the line considering the circumstance. have you seen geek bar candy mountain? okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. geek bar candy mountain. five days ago on youtube, a geek bar is a vape, right? a geek bar is a handheld device to take in nicotine or possibly
1:27 cannabis. okay provided the youtube by distro kid means that like a thousand and one percent this part's gonna get muted but i hope it's worth it. one evening on the fortnite bus, when me and my squad were locked in, right along came a lone wolf gamer and he said boys i'm not dropping i'm headed to a land that's far away beyond the beatbox fountain
1:58 so come with me, we'll go and see the geek bar candy mountain in the geek bar candy mountain, all the zintins grow on trees and you don't have to pay taxes to president eishowspeed the doordash drivers tip you, and your best friend has a vape and you can face the xl blue buzz ball and awake with no headache
2:21 where there's a lake made of tea and it's twisted too you can paddle all around it in a big canoe and they hung the crooks that invented books in the geek bar candy mountain okay, he was on a different wave with this one. there's a lake of tea and it's twisted too where they hang the crooks where they invented books that's crazy man. that's only halfway through.
2:45 you
2:53 in the geek bar candy mountain, white monster fools the creek. and your stomach's never growling, cause the taco bell's still cheap. your girlfriend never left you, and your friends aren't employed. and a trip to the hospital won't leave you financially destroyed. well you can wake up and huff the dorito dust, and you drive a big truck cause the gas is a buck, and you got out of debt on a cal she bet in the geek bar candy mountain.
3:20 welcome back woody guthrie. holy shit. can i say something? the geek bar candy mountain is basically just 2007.
3:41 everything that he said was kind of like what it was like to be in college in 2007, except we didn't have twisted t and like buzz balls or whatever. but almost everything else was basically like, this is just what it was like 19 years ago, man.
3:55 the weed don't make you anxious and the past don't make you blue. and a rumor says they've greenlit midnight gospel season two. well, you can fix your whole brain in the adderall rain and the penalty is death for a venmo request. you can finally rip off the miami mint in your iron man mask full of galaxy gas in the geek bar candy mountain. holy shit, man. that's what it feels like to grasp with a firmament.
4:20 cohen brothers if they were based. we need an old brother where art thou too. we need old brother where we need to find out what happened to everett. we need to find out if everett and his wife actually got married. we need to see if tim blake nelson got his family farm back.
4:38 we need a prequel to figure out whether or not they why were they in prison? we need three prequels to figure out why john turturro, george clooney, and tim blake nelson were in prison! i think i was clenching my teeth so hard during the geek bar candy mountain that i actually kind of hurt my jaw. i gotta give myself tmj. i think i don't give myself tmj.
5:03 anyone know how i can skip ads without financially supporting nl? there's lots of ways. you could close your eyes and plug your ears and then count to like, i don't even know how long the ad breaks are. you close your eyes, plug your ears and count to 120.
5:16 don't blame me, by the way. have you ever like show up for the stream and the pre roll is like a 21 minute video that's trying to make you christian or whatever? that's not me, man. sometimes they just slip into the algorithm somehow. it happens on youtube too. you'll be watching a video and then the mid roll is like, here's 42 minutes of why you should become mormon. and you're like, what the hell? i mean, i guess. i'm already seated. i'm not going to get up and go tap the skip ad button.
5:43 i thought you didn't watch youtube. i was pretending to make the joke. also, i did watch youtube in like 2012 and it was like that back then. you'd be like, mitt romney, i'm not gonna vote for you. obviously i would, but i'm canadian. at blockpro, baby. oh shit. what the fuck? janus films?
6:05 it's an honest question. is it harder to act dramatically in chinese because of the tonality? because i feel like with no tonality in english, you have a lot of canvas to play with when it comes to the tones of the words to convey your emotions. i always wonder like if you want to sound really angry, but it's like it ends with a tone too. don't you kind of sound like a valley girl getting angrier and angrier, but your voice is still rising at the end of the sentence?
6:33 i don't know man. do we have any mandarin chinese actors or actresses in the chat right now?
6:42 it's road to empress 2, y'all. hello everyone, this is the new one studio team. as a small team that has long dedicated ourselves to crafting cinematic dramas, we are deeply grateful for the attention we've received. the past two years have seen our team devote every moment to crafting every storyline and line of dialogue. it is crazy that this game is made by a quote unquote small team. now i'm just taking their word for it because it literally looks better than any movie netflix has released since roma.
7:11 the shang dynasty embraces all walks of life and we value the diversity of opinions. based, maybe. i don't know. we gotta see how that manifests in the game. i wouldn't have even thought about it until they put it at the end of the... they put it at the end of the spiel there. wait a minute. holy shit. the gates of destiny open once more.
7:38 from a forgotten kyren to an up will you survive the palace of blades and prevail in the court of shifting loyalties? step into the forging of an empress every choice shapes your journey only by seeing the story through can you discover your exclusive trade sketch will be generated? thank you for your purchase in some okay? when the movie starts with thank you for your purchase? you know we enjoy shooting come on you fucko i
8:09 damn, they were really going belt to ass at the end of the game. i forgot about that.
8:26 trust no one?
8:46 yes, i remember. i think i had this soup about 75 times if i had to guess. it's really coming down out there.
9:15 it also seems insane that didn't we play this like like eight months ago, how is there already a sequel? i mean slay the spire 2 took
9:36 11 years to come out. and it's the same game. i'm not complaining, it's maybe my favorite game of all time, but it's the same game. i did not say mega crit or hack frogs, i just said like, the speed of the work is crazy. lazy devs? don't...
10:06 i was sequestered at the end, i recall. i understood that, honestly, they said, i understood that. pivotal choice in the days ahead. you want to... okay, this is literally like a far cry style choice. if you take one, the game ends.
10:39 if you take two, the game starts. so you literally, you have to, you have to just see what happens if you try, if you go, actually, i think i'll be a nun forever. i'll contact him on wechat.
11:06 he can take the shanghai maglev. he'll be here in 18 minutes. i think the first choice actually dictates what prince gets you out. so you're telling me like i permanently, uh, i've scuttled my save file. i've made a choice that i didn't know.
11:26 would have ramifications for the rest of my life. choices actually matter? in my cinematic adventure game, telltale could never, man. damn, she's right.
12:07 she came in through the bathroom window. and when you say there's many who would like to finish him off,
12:40 do you mean it in the same way that most of the people playing this game want to finish him off? or do you mean it in like a more insidious sort of way? i'm gonna seize the hairpin and take her out. lu xi, it's curtains for you. you might as well be zusha. ah shit, never mind.
13:20 complete a quick time event for the first time sweep the leg break the wrist walk away damn things are starting hot this is like what lord of the rings the two towers would have been like if they saved the death of boromir for the start of that movie instead of the end of fellowship which made fellowship better, but fellowship was already really good they needed a little extra sauce in the two towers to make it as good as the rest of the trilogy even though it's still good
13:59 well, all choices are illogical. if we bolt out of here, why couldn't we have just left to begin with? stash or corpse make it look like an assassin's work? seems like a hundred percent someone with a long mustache kicks down the door and goes like, you thought you were going to get away with this. we're going to put you in prison forever. so let's try making it look like an assassin's work, but... i knew that was going to happen.
14:31 she's on 1 hp too, or she's got motion blur. leave behind the glamorous life of a nun. the world is wide and vast. the world has exactly one ocean and five countries as we know it right now. let's explore. it could take us as much as two years to see the entire earth according to our maps.
15:08 kill him? obviously i'm not gonna kill him. that's insane. take me with you. kill him is crazy. or is it? what the... zhang xi?! this is like when spider man fought mysterio at the end of spider man far from home. what the hell happened?
15:56 the leetai before your eyes was nothing but a sweet phantom. lu z's hairpin carried a lethal poison that warped your senses. when such blissful phantoms arise, if you yield to the helplessness in your heart and indulge in delusions of being saved, you will never wake again! the moment you entrust your freedom to someone else is the moment it ceases to be yours. that's crazy! that's... that's insane!
16:19 how could you have known? get used to it. okay, i mean, i guess we go back to prince of wei's promise here and we just kill him symbolically eliminating the poison within our body. neutralizing the lethal hallucinogen that we've been dosed with. game over. you have killed the love of your life for no reason. i'm not a man of the past. i'm a man of the past. i'm a man of the past.
16:52 it's a lot it's a lot to stake on a on a coin toss, but he's like damn i was just being nice i
17:26 she's my friend, she'll cover for me. yes, murder is frowned upon.
18:02 in ancient china. i thought we were friends. what do you mean take ming kong away? we make it out of this. dress says, oh, you know what? i'm stupid. she lampshaded the shangong robes.
18:32 if i wasn't the favorite of the new emperor, then why would i be wearing the shang gong robes? she's basically saying as long as you wear the cloak of protection, nothing can harm you. whoa. which keepsake do you choose to leave behind? well, honestly, gao yang's not fucking with me. i'm not fucking with her, man. i leave behind the amulet.
19:07 why are you here all alone? we have to run. there's no shot. we're gonna impersonate lu shi. oh, motherfucker! that didn't work at all! what, you think it was gonna happen? i thought we were just outrun her.
19:36 ohhh. woah, shi yuu shan gon. yeah, yeah. that's not okay.
20:13 you know that's where we drink from. okay, well i know what people are gonna want me to take here.
20:42 i mean, she has gotten me killed like three times which i think has revealed the truth of her spirit. she's not fucking with me. so we push her into the well and see how she likes it. you gotta grab the legs, lady! you gotta... motherfucker, man!
21:07 i guess i'm gonna force her to keep my secret then. okay, okay, slow down, slow down, slow down. she tripped.
21:38 and now we're sprung. no job, no hope, no cash. hair has never looked better though. the guards didn't check her face. bro, that face card never declines.
22:13 that's how they talk these days. that face card doesn't get the client. shut up, man. they hate me. they hate me because i'm becoming too contemporary with my vernacular. that's the hottest guy you've got? guards!
22:33 kill him yeah, what this is a sick society man you see indeed how she will you quickly what's wrong? you see you don't play your do to mayor so listen so far. she's not either. yeah sure oh
23:01 the decadence has gone too far. she's sick, man. she has to hold the damn whip.
23:34 you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade for the silver. you're a little too old to trade
24:09 oh. you're drooling. 50, 50 gold! 75 gold!
24:42 i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go. i will not let you go.
25:18 we want to give you the golden one from li tai so that we can become the empress. that's my thinking. you're already on the li tai path? motherfucker! two playthroughs! the streamer, no, no, i fucked up my playthrough!
25:50 the viewers, whoa, two playthroughs? you zombie. you guys remember this?
26:18 oh shit, it's our aunts, no the former, our dad's concubine's daughter. our dad's concubine's daughter.
26:33 no, li's... li's... yi's dad's concubine's daughter. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. we must save her. step in and save her daughter. this can grant us favor with the court. she thinks she's at the continental.
27:07 now you have an army. she's lower than dirt essentially. we call her mud.
27:38 her name, it doesn't really translate. there's no word for it in english, but it's something like when it rains on cow poop. this is literally what it's like to be the dodgers when free agency opens.
28:13 you know how it is, we kind of like treat them like mushrooms, feed them shit and keep them in the dark. oh, and you begin coughing up blood. no, not after all we've been through.
28:51 she's gonna take me to the court to get good medical... oh! this isn't how i go! it was literally self defense. worst case scenario,
29:22 negligence causing death. criminal negligence causing death. no way, i'm not giving up!
30:04 what's crazy is that this is actually like my model for how the immune system works. if you accept that you're going to get sick, 100% you will get sick. if you think that you won't get sick, there is a chance you won't get sick. not a guarantee you won't get sick, but there is a chance you won't get sick. with the duo shiei. nin tai ke qi. you gotta say nin tai ke qi to that.
30:38 the music cut out. i think we are going to be killed.
31:08 it's the same vibe as jonathan majors as, what was the name of the villain that they tried to get going in marvel but then he ruined his own life? hang, this is like the end of loki season one. hang the conqueror, yeah, yeah, yeah. he goes, yeah, right from quantumania? yeah.
31:37 oh sh oh, damn! she's one tapped! why is she dressed like my cardiologist?
32:15 this is so much like crank too high voltage.
32:48 you must commit at least one murder per fortnite. let's be honest, mirage pavilion is going to be here forever. it's been here for 20 years. if it was gonna go out of business, it wouldn't happen by now.
33:24 boop. got your nose. no, it's actually a suppository. that's where you're wrong, buster.
34:04 i'm already calling it. the, um... the lady emeraj temple is going to see what we have done and feel sympathy for us. she is going to betray the golden masked man and give us the full antidote so we can escape and be with li tai. she has evil vibes. she literally just has red lipstick.
34:35 we'll keep sending one baddie at a time, okay? that's the way the mirage temple has done it since the day we were incepted 11 years ago.
34:50 you better not. look at my doctor, bro. when your doctor is... when your doctor is mei mei, is that right?
35:10 it's mao mao? no, i meant she's my little sister. she's my little mei mei. i don't give a hoot what you dudes say. oh shit. losing hp at the start of the voyage like an american on a two hour flight, which is not fair, but it is funny.
35:36 but the flip side is that they gain hp on a 10 hour drive, which makes no sense to me and is honestly kind of aspirational. a brit on a two hour flight though? not ready. i'm not quite ready for that. oh shit. shidan switched up her whole look. maybe we should stop having our spies kill each other.
36:15 oh, you aren't ethan hunt. don't flatter yourself. that one work we don't even look alike is crazy. the neurodivergent logical answer? you have not been swapping faces for years. that's insane.
36:45 oh shit, cast the powder! i'm locking the fuck in. it ain't going down like that.
37:21 okay, that didn't look right. something... something... i need to see... can i go back just a second? there's something of... something about this did not look right. if the devs are watching, i'm not trying to be evil. it was just a really, really funny shot. oh, man. it was like a control team mouse drag in photoshop.
38:01 it's li ji. it's li tai, the prince of wei. my cousin knows him? your cousin is involved in a romance scam. the real li tai lived 1100 years ago in imperial china. he is not asking for money to visit. he is not living on a research vessel in antarctica and six weeks away from getting leave and coming to visit her, okay?
38:33 you need to save her before she loses her life savings. oh, you said it was boys only!
39:07 thought we all agreed no chicks man. don't worry. she's cool. she's just one of the guys come get your man, so your highness you're you're compromising national security here whoa, man, i want hot water. this is all for what's the order? they want their political
39:40 ohhhh... oh, yikes. why is the advisor dressed like jeff keighley? she is dressed like... or he is dressed like sylvia. oh, yes. just when i thought i was out, they pulled me back in.
40:17 well, that's the first i've heard about this. that's huge. suspicion minus yi.
40:47 so yuan laiqian is a person, it's not like a plant? i thought it might be related to the antidote. i thought it was like something that grows on a rock in the northern province or something like that.
41:18 i'm just a silly girl, tell me more! tell me more!
41:50 that being said, can we hurry it up? i'm on 45 hp. i gotta say, she looks pretty good for 45 hp. in real life, when someone's on 45 hp, they look like they're on like 10 hp.
42:21 i'm not sure if i can find the real one. i'll just go to the trailer. okay. he looks like every character from every game announced during sony's state of play. this guy was in every single trailer that dan watched during his react stream yesterday. i'm not sure if i can find the real one.
42:48 this is just for the pro olts. oh shit. he just wants a bribe! he just wants a bribe! a small token of goodwill, please accept it.
43:06 oh shit, wait. oh! wait, this might be the good ending, man.
43:33 he's going dynasty warriors mode. oh shit, more and more soldiers surround you. li tai, yang jing and you are ultimately outnumbered and all three are imprisoned. and then okay, then i see seven days later you succumb to the poison.
43:51 in broad daylight, what looks like bribery is actually you handing your own and your allies head to the enemy? i literally thought, i mean this is like not to be rude, isn't this like the year 800? i thought maybe a vase, this could be like generational wealth back then. i have no idea, we bought 20 people for a piece of gold. i thought maybe like a vase might get us out of a jam at least. i guess he did say it's the shittiest vase i've ever seen.
44:23 oh shit.
44:49 shit is rocking me. wait, it's survivor? it's edited by the survivor team? it's... should say like day 20 in the bottom left corner. i'm gonna tell them the truth. i'm gonna play both sides so i always come out on top. this is happening really fast. that seems bad.
45:22 five days later. that's why they call me empress wu. no, man, that's that's oh, it's the antidote. i thought that was literally bird shit. i thought that was like a lump of bird poop. it's like my favorite type of guy. it's really guy who must be strong because he's slightly bigger than the other guys.
45:58 put me down, put me down, man! that's pretty true. a man is like a blade. leave them untended and they rust.
46:35 spy 2. we have to honor our promise otherwise we're not playing both sides. guy's name is young lychen. there's some pronunciation differences okay?
47:03 he is not a moss that grows on the north side of a rock in the tundra. one tapped. this shit is teppanyaki, bro. i know a teppanyaki when i see one. they're gonna be doing onion ring volcanoes and shit and flipping shrimp into their shirt pocket in the middle.
47:35 my doctor said i could only have one glass of mao tai per day. wait, her name's yuhu? do they know? you decide to send a signal to the prince of wei.
48:15 you think she's gonna do the thumb and the forefinger ring? she's gonna do the okay sign. alright, but it'll cost you 1 20th of a gold coin.
49:07 well, well, well, well, well. you can't run. you gotta stay. because if we run, they're gonna know something's up faster, so we gotta stay. but also there's people spying on us, so we gotta give them something. we gotta do like a little austin powers here. hands off my hiney, baby. where you are?
49:44 and when he's alone with me, i will pick him up above my head and spin him around over and over and over until he gets so dizzy he begs for death. damn. don't let her pick you up. that's his finisher.
50:31 not the furniture man not pick him up
51:09 you've passed the test, your highness. remember, an untended man gathers rusts and we've taken all the rust off you.
51:42 i'm not a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a villain. i'm a
52:15 we are the only ones who can help us. we are the only taiwanese people. we are the only ones who can help us. we are the only taiwanese people who can help us.
52:27 even if i were to side with this tiny man who could not lift up another man over his head and spin him around, and thus cannot command the respect of a legion of warriors,
52:49 he's wavering but still hesitant. do not worry, i can win over zhu xiaodai, military governor of the northwest. i don't know about all that. how about you should have said so sooner? zhu xiaodai has already taken the side of the prince of wei. me and zhu xiaodai go back. we're tight. he's accidentally sliced his own throat. great job.
53:19 he's literally my best friend. you're not my best friend. you're my best friend. disha, i'm sure you'll be able to help me out. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. huh? i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry
54:15 he's got one of the best laughs. now it's all the... who could she? who could she? i'm not gonna say it, i'm not gonna say it.
55:02 will you treat his wounds? no, this is a rare chance to get some rest. the prettiest girls have got the sleepiest demeanors. you know it's true. i'm not the first person to say it or notice it.
55:20 now this, honestly, in order to become the empress, you have to be cunning. so this is a good chance to increase his affinity. and then he's... you change the balance of power in the relationship so he's more into you than you're into him and then you can really start collecting some dividends, building some area under the curve.
55:47 i need a sleepy girl to rot with? i got bad news for you. someone's gotta go out and get the takeout or at the very least open the door to pick up the door dash. there's never two equally sleepy people in a relationship, which i think is why so many people are in polycules these days.
56:07 because then you only, you can have infinite sleepy people as long as there's one person that'll open the door. like the ratio is more forgiving in that way. or a rotation, that's true, or a rotation. i bet it's one person. not to use ambiguous wording, i bet it's the person on the bottom of the totem pole that has to go get the doordash every single time. and they're like, damn, there's six of us and i really got to get it every time?
56:39 but am i correct in assuming and not to because this is obviously a whole different thing going on here. is the person on the bottom of the pecking order also the person that ironically is topping most often or is it like a personal preference thing? you're ruining the scene but you're not wrong. i don't know, i don't know. it's unrelated. don't be naive.
57:05 what intel will you give mirage pavilion in exchange for the antidote? the prince of ways abs may drop from eight pack to six pack after this injury. bro, he's not going to be able to eat. he's probably going to have a 12 pack, but let's just see how this goes. i can just, when they give you an option like that, you got to click it. i mean, i'm going to, i'm going to die of poison. where's the antidote? i sent them intel. where's the antidote?
57:48 you know what? that's how i want to go out. one last laugh. we tell the truth again. but actually this is too much intel. we tell a lie of omission. oh shit. he sussed us out immediately.
58:22 plus nine? that's not plus 99. we could live with that. that's 11 times, so it doesn't matter. you know what? that's true to life. you trust builds slowly, but it breaks very easily. you might have to be honest 99 times in order to offset the pain of one lie. can we get a chinese proverb for that?
58:54 why is he holding a dog? because the stone floor is cold as fuck bro and they haven't invented the doggy shoes yet. okay, and i'm supposed to think there's something remarkable about that? i'm sorry.
59:25 and i'm supposed to comment on that? i would never. every pot of soup started as a drop of water. so true. every big thing was once a smaller thing.
1:00:00 yay! it must feel so good to gain 60 hp. that's literally what it felt like last week when i was drinking the half dr. pepper zeroes and half coffee. it was every single one of them. yeah, that is me after a dr. coffee, exactly. every single one of them hit like that potion from slay the spire that gives you a free power, a free attack, and a free skill.
1:00:37 luckily my arms are really short. so arm's length isn't even that far away. naive ass. double affinity.
1:01:07 imagine what it feels like to sit under fountain at 1 hp. oh, to gain 2400 hp in like 4 seconds. can you imagine? i bet it feels like the download completed noise on steam.
1:01:45 don't lie to me, walt. oh shit. i don't remember you. i don't know who that is. oh shit, he's chinese. oh my god.
1:02:18 it could be any of us. i mean any of them.
1:02:38 i was wondering whether she was googling them because she's... what does it mean in the year 780 when you say i've been looking into the mirage pavilion when you're just kind of chilling in your room? maybe like you have like access to an ancient scroll or something like that but you're not getting like microfiches at the library or something. doing my own research. okay birds, you could send a search query to a bird or something.
1:03:16 they love me. wherever the prince of wei goes, lady wu follows. even i'm almost moved by this devotion. i knew you were alright, yang jing. mirage pavilion master waiting for your message. you see? he's got the damn green bubble. the world is a dark place. it's not a place. the world is a dark place. the world is a dark place. the world is a dark place. the world is a dark place. the world is a dark place. the world is a dark place.
1:03:48 and that is why they are now ghosts. don't say his wig is off his face. that's real hair. and even if it wasn't real hair, it's called a system. it's not called a wig, it's called a system.
1:04:09 you and me both brother nah i'd probably be an edible guy if i had to guess chinese glory i'm a cigar man
1:04:39 you'll never guess what you can hide within these sleeves.
1:05:19 of course, that's you. and we were remind us again how we felt about each other. to be honest with you, i mean, we have to be cunning. i think, your highness, maybe you should just accept it.
1:05:50 and then when we get out of this province, we'll just ice her. oh, that fucking just for laughs gag soundtrack tells me i made the wrong choice. oh, and i've died of poison, presumably. i've been killed.
1:06:20 aha, this one was just an m&m that we licked the candy coating off. i thought they said i could have one glass a day.
1:06:59 just when i thought i was out, they pulled me back in. he's never been more silvio than this. he has truly become the consigliere. he's about to send a risky scroll. now this is tough.
1:07:35 no matter how much it hurts, the bigger picture comes first. your highness, do you really care that much? that sounds like a good thing. this is the nuclear option. give him, he's in his feelings, you give him the ball and force him to take a shot. we got the k drama music. that's a good sign.
1:08:04 never mind. she got snatched by the beirong ren? on the night of the lantern festival? well, this solves our problem immediately.
1:08:34 she deadass said, fortune favors the bold.
1:09:03 they got fucking german shepherds? when did the beyron people get german shepherds in 780? it's food for the raw. the german shepherds, i'm not saying they didn't have them because i just don't know. it just took me by surprise, man.
1:09:38 she wasn't kidnapped bro, she's absconded. she's eloping to be the beirong princess.
1:10:11 girl to girl. here's what we'll do. we'll go to the club and have a heart to heart in a bathroom stall at one in the morning. she ain't do anything wrong. i didn't pick anything.
1:10:53 motherfucker! i got that you gotta give more time to read! that's a pivotal decision! shu wei the panyo. yeah yeah yeah. you're shu wei's friend, i knew that.
1:11:26 shouldn't you keep your nose in your own business? you decide to let her go. let her make her own decision. it's important that she feels like she's making the decision. so later she doesn't go, well why the fuck did i listen to her?
1:11:54 i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
1:12:21 it's literally 3d printed. it's made of... it's made of... filament? is that what they call it?
1:12:33 you mean like this? the maiden on the ground is dying because an air bubble created by the force of the karate chop to the neck has traveled to her brain. i don't know why i'm laughing so hard. that's a little messed up. she should have been born to a noble if she didn't want to suffer that ignoble fate. it's that simple.
1:13:06 except on the second tuesday of every month for boys night except on the second thursday of every month when i go out with my girls and we all talk about our husbands as is tradition
1:13:35 i am already married to dan leche, thank you for your understanding father. nintendo direct coded or i am already with child i beg for your approval of this marriage. we know from earlier that he does have strong sentimental feelings for his daughter. so appealing to his emotions should work.
1:14:04 oh shit. banned or quick with it too. that day both you and li tai fell to the beirong. governor zhu xiaodai reported the tragedy faithfully, and the chancellor thanked him for that.
1:14:39 i told you we don't beg? when you said we, i thought you meant like in the sense of like if you were a fan of a sports team, you would be like, you know, we win these, we win these. you meant we, you meant like in a generational sense. like as a people, we see begging as like an insult or it's worse than death. yes. okay. well, i didn't know that.
1:15:10 because like, i mean, i come from a populace of liars. but my people will say anything to avoid a consequence. that's kind of one of the enduring characteristics of us. okay, so i didn't know that. i'm not a liar. i'm not a liar. i'm not a liar. i'm not a liar. i'm not a liar. i'm not a liar.
1:15:38 it's ironic, isn't it? did ludwig show up yet? i honestly thought that he might be one of the people in the beirong camp. because i don't know how far we're getting outside of
1:16:03 like the capital area of china in this period, but the further they get into rurality, i feel like the better the odds are that we'll be like, holy shit, that's ludwig. we just need to go a little further north. oh, he's not in this side? no!
1:16:33 unless you just told me that so i'll be even more surprised. this is 800 years after the silk road they were trading with europeans? yeah, but not with the french. i mean...
1:16:58 maybe maybe with east francia, but all the west francia. i don't know we're talking charles martel pep in the short type shit. i don't know about that. i don't know about that i'll have to take your word for that i recognize this guy anywhere he's back
1:17:25 type of guy to give you a big fucking hug and a handshake that hurts he is the type of beast to say they'll let anybody in here he's going over some legal documents
1:17:58 the only way to break this deadlock is to prepare a kind of counter strike. a successful attack would truly put us in a league of legends.
1:18:28 this team needs a fortress too. yeah, that's pretty good. don't return to the palace! you're taking us farther from ludwig! say some shit like i'm gonna venture to the west.
1:19:09 awkward. they only send women. and there's only one woman in our camp. but it couldn't be her.
1:19:50 congrats to me for having such a fine daughter. okay, freaky ass. you can't be saying that shit. chinese trump. he's not the best. we don't like him.
1:20:22 i think i asked this last time, but what sound do dogs make in china? because every country has their own dog sounds. they go wan, wan wan, wan wan. i could see that. they kind of all, i mean they all sound like dogs too. wolf, wolf is a dog noise.
1:20:59 bao is a dog noise. i can see it. meng is a dog noise. in turkey they go, how how? like zz top? they go how how? people in turkey were probably freaking out if they heard that shit on the radio. the hell is this a band of dogs? three dogs and a bass line? i got the wine.
1:21:26 how, how, how? took a little choice. okay. we, we tell the truth. our affinity is good enough to tell the truth. confess the li tai and ask him to get the antidote from the mirage pavilion.
1:21:52 that's what i'm saying! that's what i don't interrupt me! yessss! what the heck? oh! i got stabbed through the front of my head. oops, our base just got back toward. no, it's
1:22:29 they got mega creeps? let's make the wholesome choice. risk everything to help the prince of wei. what's with the ethereal voiceover? what's with the ghost like voiceover?
1:22:59 but you know these pieces of proof are still not enough. the fit though. uh oh. nope, no he did not. man, he deadass said you look tired.
1:23:34 no, no, she's been possessed by an evil spirit i know his ass is like if you had any water today. hey, have you have you eaten anything? you don't
1:24:04 whimmy grammy came back and said, i got the antidote. i slayed the white devil. the white devil with the thick brown and blonde hair. i've removed his head from his body and taken the antidote to save you. you know what? i actually did this wrong because we should take the evidence
1:24:28 from him and traded at the mirage pavilion to save our own life and the reason is we fucking got him we got his ass cuffed. anyway, he's always got a pedestal he could be way around the me gonna get low to teach it home. oh what are you?
1:24:56 i'm not sure what you're talking about. i'm not a real person. i'm a real person. i'm not a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person. i'm a real person.
1:25:27 don't lie to me, walter. it's a bigger pellet. break the bar. break the bar. you want to see what became of the prince of wei after you left? is this the end of the prince of wei's path?
1:26:11 well, that didn't go well.
1:26:41 so it was all for nothing? she opened the damn london drugs man. the moonlit healing halls.
1:27:12 she went to the west and met a foreigner with fluffy brown hair. ding!
1:27:44 the road is under your feet and you've never stopped walking it. you are the creator of the world yet to come, what she has become more powerful than a god.
1:27:54 there's one more option. this isn't the end of the path. listen, don't be mad at me, okay? we'll try the other option. but i think that this might indeed be like we freed ourselves from the poison instead of like starting to be the empress with whoever our choice is. i think they might be beholden to the historical accuracy and we will go back and make the other choice at the start of the game so we can take the li zhi path. the ludwig path.
1:28:25 she said i'm all in. well, that doesn't bode well. well shit, we gotta check something.
1:29:12 damn, they fucking iced it man. that's crazy. what a shot. six minute cutscene though. he did have an op. it does suck for the bird too. bird was just the messenger. they literally say don't kill the messenger.
1:29:45 wait, this could work. oh. no no no, we still got one. we still got one and... that's 162 kilometers away. what am i supposed to do about that? damn! whoa!
1:30:26 i'm going to take a look at the movie. it's a little different. you're not going to tell me anything? no, i'm not. i'm not going to tell you anything. i'm going to tell you that i'm not going to tell you anything. what? no, i'm not. i'm not going to tell you anything. i'm not going to tell you anything. i'm not going to tell you anything. i'm not going to tell you anything. i'm not going to tell you anything. i'm not going to tell you anything. i'm not going to tell you anything. i'm not going to tell you anything.
1:31:15 mm hmm. have you ever truly loved me? this is where we lie to get the antidote that he's been he's gonna do some shit like check behind your ear oh ah
1:31:57 men are so easy. just pretend you love him, he'll give you the antidote to your lethal poison. he was forced to kowtow three times in front of the white devil with the fluffy brown hair. he lost face to a house car of east francia.
1:32:29 you look down at the antidote in your hand. you're truly moved.
1:33:06 i meant the balance of power in the relationship has shifted again. especially, that's so unfair to do something nice for me and then go to war. so i can't even fucking like repay you and restore the balance of power in the relationship. so now we just gotta linger with this imbalance until you deign the return or even worse for me you come back fucking dead so it remains imbalanced for all of eternity. that's not fucking fair. wait maybe you guys were right. maybe that wasn't the end of the
1:33:40 the li tai chapter. must have been insane, like going to battle with swords. and then like for the first time in history, they bring out like a gun against you. like i don't know what, i think i would have been out there going like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait a sec. i didn't know you guys were bringing that.
1:34:10 chill! you could hurt somebody! holy shit, man. she's going off. this looks familiar.
1:34:37 i am a true warrior. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world. i am a warrior of the world.
1:35:10 i know her ass is cold. you're dressed like a queen's university student going out the stages in february. like, i know you're... you want to dress up. it's minus 22. can we be... can we be serious? people at least put a jacket on. this is crazy.
1:35:41 damn, his ass was getting beat the fuck up on the northern front. holy shit. we need a damn doctor. oh, he's dead. he was one tapped.
1:36:08 you got any of that antidote left? xiao jie you got any of that antidote left?
1:36:34 i went back and got it for you. okay, i don't need a flashback for that. that was like an hour and a half ago. sorry, i was... a pie eating contest. i won it off of the white devil with the fluffy brown hair in a pie eating contest. oh, my tummy hurts so bad. he was a formidable opponent.
1:37:07 tasha may go red tasha may go red.
1:37:39 we need a cup of coffee! can we get a sugar free red bull step? shit, they're moving like everybody around jack braff in garden state at the party.
1:38:09 both shit can get around the world by the time the truth out the damn door. putting up iceman bars to turn the tide of war. that's pretty good.
1:38:41 i was thinking about getting into drake. is iceman the best place to start? or is it like one of the other three albums is better for a drake neo fight like myself? why would you do that? he won the beat. to the victor go the spoils, man. you can start with five leaves left. i thought there was like a machete order. maybe you start with like pink moon and then brighter later and work backwards to five leaves left.
1:39:12 advisor mu. so did somebody just unsheathe their sword?
1:39:53 it says, metropolitan division champions 2017 2018. oh shit, that was a great like fade to black moment.
1:40:29 looks like rebellion is my only option now. remember when i thought the game was over and there was no other choice that would make us progress the plot any further? oh shit. good news!
1:41:17 she's like, he did pretty good. maybe he was doomed from the start. he did all right. azur finch was his childhood name. okay. doesn't have to change his handle when he gets a twitch account, i guess. good ending! no one can stop you from moving forward.
1:41:58 okay, we're playing lethal company in four minutes. we will return the road to empress 2. no, you can harvest it like early or late though! there he is. what the fuck? yeah, that happened to me too. i'm getting in trouble, man.
1:42:12 ryan you're gonna love this one another day left until there is another day further from harvest please don't get mad at me ever gets mad. fuck is this that was him talking backwards, but it came out perfectly forwards yeah, that's so crazy okay
1:42:37 there's a blueberry update i'm gonna make i'm making a blueberry lemon cheesecake. oh yeah, yeah, it's gonna be real nice like sugar and blueberries in a pan with uh, i
1:42:58 cheese like the creamy one. what's the cream cheese cream cheese? that's pretty much you pretty much described a cheesecake. yeah shit put it in a sandwich what is it called blueberry cream cheese sandwich onigashi mas it's good
1:43:24 good morning guys. it seems cool. you should play don't sleep with the fishes. it's on itch.io so i don't know if you'll ever play it. you also playing everything as crab? i played a little with my daughter last night it's kind of pissing me off playing the game with my kid because she only wants to do builds where you get as tiny as possible and like never attack anything. that's meta though. this place is spooky man.
1:43:55 they smelled the smoke man. wait, shouldn't you be op against bees? that's a beautiful wheel song. it's a song about wheels. it's a song about a tractor.
1:44:20 that's what they teach you in school over here. really? that's the damn. y'all know it's cool. i learned that at school. tractor school? big big chugga chugga big red car. travels near and it travels far. oh, oh. oh, that's been a while. that's not a weight. that's a landmine. okay, i'm good. sorry. free to be the fuck out. guys, there's nothing over here. yeah, i know man. okay. oh.
1:44:53 i thought my master plan was i was on the stand on the mind by blocking he just jumped instead. i've become orson welles. he just what okay? i'm trying to think i've never been in din tai fung. i
1:45:20 really? i love that spot. and they're talking about din tai fung. i think they just opened one in vancouver. i've got opinions about din tai fung. or din tai fung. vancouver's got so many chinese restaurants. i don't really know if i gotta go there. yeah, dude. and most of them are probably all lit. i got mad because there was a chinese restaurant on ubereats that was really like, it had a high rating. it had like a 4.8, bro. i ordered it. it was like straight poop. it was horrible. and then i looked it up on like google and it had like a 3.7. that happens. i was like, dude, people on
1:45:48 people on uber eats are getting scammed. like a 4.9 on uber eats is like a 3.8. it's a spider. just run, just run, just run, just run. chiblee, if you're listening and there's no way for me to know if you are but i think you've got good taste, you would probably lock in on the one dude who's talking instead of trying to be a part of a conversation you can't actually be a part of. your shit about the uber eats chinese restaurant is so fucking real.
1:46:14 if you ever see a restaurant with under a 4.0 on uber eats, they literally poison everybody that's ever ordered from there. they inflate the ratings by at least one full star. so you'll see places that suck and you've been there and you know they have like a 3.1. and then when you go on uber eats, it'll be like, oh, this is a 4.8 with like a fucking gold medal with a star in the middle of the gold medal. like it's a damn scam.
1:46:40 chinese restaurants should never have over 3.9 or else it's for westerners. bro, there's westerners in the chat, be nice. there are people here who are, there's people here from china,
1:47:01 janata, there's people here from... i don't know, i don't know all the other... there's people here from yinguo, or i guess they just are yinguo ren. chiblee's dead for sure. chiblee, did you see what i said about the uber eats? so, apollo and chiblee are probably having a conversation right now. he's right. which means i... this apollo and chiblee, come to my camera! i will be silent so you have a safe place to talk!
1:47:30 this is the safety room for you to talk so you guys can talk to each other. oh my god. okay, so we can talk now. how long do you think he's gonna last not talking? be honest. he lasted so little you didn't even get to say how long he was gonna last. he interrupted you.
1:47:57 it's almost twice as distracting. you should do the thing that dads love to do and like make the ship take off a little bit to make the kid think that they're gonna leave mom at the grocery store.
1:48:27 my dad would go, so at our grocery store called amp, they used to bag your groceries for you and then they would send it out on a conveyor belt for you to pick up, which is crazy. like outside of the store. when my mom was waiting for the conveyor belt, my dad would always like drive a little bit further ahead and i would be in the car going, no, dad, no!
1:48:55 just enough make it in i think he might have died man no, all his shit is right here. what the fuck happened to him? he's pacing back and forth. did he get disconnected? i mean he's moving no, i think he might have been possessed by a devil or something. oh, oh
1:49:18 oh no! can i just say, i locked the fuck in when corey exploded behind me. i instantly went to the lever.
1:49:32 i wonder if we keep the stuff because it launched no we all died oh we lose everything yeah, we look. oh, no. there's okay. i was like we lost it yeah, i turned into a plant right outside of the ship. i forgot. well. i thought you had to be sitting that
1:49:53 there were flowers growing out of your back. i was like, i don't notice. he was sprouting. that's so funny. i realized it. brian's like, oh, maybe he was possessed. i was like, oh, the point. send it. but i died instantly.
1:50:17 yo! shit! look under a waterfall. it's like zelda. it's a secret waterfall, yeah. yeah. what the hell? what the fuck? cheers to the industry! fucking niagara falls, man! nice. maybe the us. yo, this reminds me of a place i've been. laguna beach. so where's laguna beach? anyone else? california? uh, you know, it's just like south of la. yeah, man. you're gonna try out. i'm gonna go this way and just walk onto this rock.
1:50:46 that's so sad he's right there we get his loot. oh, this really does remind me of laguna beach. so what a beautiful place. he's its friend she went to the log in laguna beach. i went to the i made that joke and in laguna beach it went viral aka no one lost but that's live
1:51:15 la... goon... no. why is that? that was a chiblee take on live, laugh, love. poor kory, man. if you wanna hit that thing, i'll go grab the... you just kick off and then you grab him. oh, okay. go grab him. i trust it. i'm okay. they did... they... i heard something went. that one got me a little, odell. someone took a gift.
1:51:52 want them to let me down flowers on my back
1:52:35 no, you're good. i think as long as you go fast. bro, there's no going fast here! what the fuck? this way, this way, this way. oh my god, i thought that was a new enemy. oh. that noise was crazy! bro, you scared my chat, man. i got scared!
1:53:02 did i tell you guys someone stole my identity maybe really a lot's happened to you recently, huh? bro in the fucking airport two people that looked official said we need to look at your post watches gave it to them and then they took a picture of it and said good day
1:53:19 that's the gate agent bro. no, they were just walking around like it like an npc dial like a like a npc they were between two lines of security. so i think they were official but the way they approached me was kind of sussy they said i'm teaching someone something i have to show them what to do with your passport. ah, i thought you were way closer funny fucking joke one of us could have been in a fragile state and that could have really affected us mentally or we should play league i reinstalled league oh
1:53:48 i've never played well i played it once in the beta or the alpha and someone called me a slow so i uninstalled it but that's the only time i played it that didn't my name on invited me to the beta when i was kind of drunk at the time and i named myself cox dicks like cox di
1:54:18 anyone else died in league? yeah, yeah, and then i changed it. did you have to change it? no, they never made me change he wouldn't let me keep it and then we recorded one episode he was like it's a gonna work i was like you motherfucker and i tried to go because of the language filter they didn't even stop. oh, it was a rare username browser rare username yeah
1:54:47 now i'm gamer taking this i think i'm gamer pope on yeah, i think we i think i'm they're gonna know i'm dead in like oh ryan died the gun yes, thank you. i mean i got the clock i
1:55:07 i'm excited for cs tonight. dude, i need more cs man. yeah, yeah. that's the type of shit they're going to be saying in league too. oh, we need more cs. ryan's not here to carry us. i'm playing really well too man, it's crazy. the less i play cs, the better i am at it. and i think that's the case for a lot of people. i hope they leave and i come back so that i can tell them
1:55:29 why i won't be playing league and it's because a. we had the dota stream. which sucked but also i watched ricky and luke play street fighter 6 against their chat and i was like oh yeah this is why i should never play competitive games. people online are so good at competitive games and then uh... especially i mean league is one thing but a fighting game is crazy because if you're 10% worse you lose 100% of the matches. you only have yourself to blame in fighting games? no man, society to blame.
1:55:59 we know i actually play that game. i blame myself. the only reason i blame myself is for choosing the game in the first place. you guys know why they invented a butt plug? to relieve constipation, to ease hemorrhoid pain, and to cure insanity. damn, and they didn't know it would also make you cum psycho style? no, yeah dude. that makes me insane if anything. imagine being prescribed something from your doctor and he was like, by the way, you might cum. is that what it is?
1:56:28 does it generate orgasm or increase the pleasure of the orgasm?
1:56:35 you can find out if you go to your doctor. i have a life hack. you go to your doctor and you say, these hemorrhoids are driving me insane. doctor, doctor, i need to cum crazy style. the doctor goes, you should go to the based cummer and you go, doctor, i am the based cummer. oh shit. is that something? dude, imagine trying to get a us visa and you have to put your socials in your at is the based cummer.
1:57:02 that's a free alias for someone in chat if you want to be the best. the panced guy trying to get into the united states? do you have any social media accounts? i'm at the panced guy. oh my god, i love him.
1:57:17 i need to open up chiblee's vod and score that so i can see what joke i made yesterday. i'm gonna go do it right now. i'll tell you more.
1:57:33 that he got a fleshlight sponsorship offer. oh no. and then i said, oh, i got that too. they asked me what kind of grooves i wanted and i said, jazz. i think that's good. that's pretty good. that's pretty good. who got a fleshlight sponsorship? oh, shibley. it's a fleshlight sponsor. but they type loaded a couple times.
1:57:56 yeah, they even make it they're letting me make my own mold. they said the flashlight also it fits perfectly in your hand. wait, wait, wait. now they're never going to hear my awesome joke about what if there was a flashlight with braille so it talked dirty to you while you fucked it.
1:58:16 okay, you read the braille with your asshole that's good, that's good i saw you were ranking every movie you saw this year i did i ranked all 100 movies i saw in 2026 so far boogie nights
1:58:39 i'm so tired. i don't know why i was like, it's movies made this year. that's a lot of movies made this year. i've seen none movies. yeah, boogie nights was great. i've seen none movies from 2026, which is crazy as well. but it's sort of funny. it's like as a child, i loved that movie because i was like, oh, i could jack off to this. and it was in the dark. i was like, man, what a good movie. it really has something for everybody. it does. you were just watching like the last 30 seconds and then just rewinding and then... yeah, yeah.
1:59:09 i'll say it man. mark wahlberg doesn't strike me as the type of guy who has a flaccid like, he's not packing that kind of heat. it just like he wouldn't be waking up that early if he had that that media of a hang you know, because guys guys that are packing that they're not they're not hustling.
1:59:35 they don't need us. they're not opening a burger franchise and like starting a bible app and shit like that. they're just fucking living like trying to convince people they would have stopped nine 11. that was the best him and then the guy from the league who lied about being involved in nine 11. i saw is a relic of its time but it was like maybe six months after that guy was like yeah actually like
2:00:03 i wasn't in the tower on 9 11 or whatever. there was a show on the comedy network that was like comedy network roast battles where they had comedians battle each other one on one in roasts. do you see a floating... oh, that's just... he blended in with the ship, never mind. that scared the shit out of me. it was very unsettling to watch you move like that, corey.
2:00:27 and it was that guy who lied about 9 11. just going up against somebody else and the dude just kept being like, yeah but you lied about being in 9 11. and then like he lost that. you just can't recover. yeah exactly. you just can't recover from that. in a way i admired his courage for getting into a 1v1 roast battle when he has such an obvious weakness.
2:00:58 yeah, yeah, you feel like you would kind of avoid a... like a thing where the point is to make fun of you if you lied about being 9 11 and everything. yeah, man, trust me! what? nick kroll, nick kroll would do all kinds of stuff. what happened? i saw your video, dude. tornado ali is moving. it's moving around town. what? the fuck?
2:01:31 oh fucking killed me a ball fucking killed me the joker why is that why he's laughing
2:01:41 calling the elevator and i tried to ride up the elevator on the outside of it. i fell in the hole. oh, man just on reminds me of that mean where it's like sperm swimming and they're like dude, i'm gonna be a doctor i'm gonna be a lawyer and then one of them's like bro. we're in the anus that's a classic yeah, i was saying we were like osmosis jones and yeah
2:02:09 oh my god. i love to get chiblee's box. wait, ryan, you started uber you were saying? yeah, yeah. in university, one of my friends had a car and i was like, dude, you should post on facebook that will drive you. the closest grocery stores to campus were really expensive and the cheaper ones were really far away. i was like, you should start charging people like five bucks a ride
2:02:37 to go to the grocery store and we could have like a rotation of drivers and we could have like a side hustle. you know what everyone said? the same buggin' shit they say when you come up with an awesome idea now. that already exists, it's called taxi. oh yeah, yeah, yeah. dude, if you've got evidence of this you could probably sue and you've got so many years of earnings to cash in on. holy shit.
2:02:59 even even 50% of their revenue for the last 20 years. 1% and you're good for life. bro, i got an uber black. it was not cheap. i accidentally ordered it. sometimes you order the regular, the blue collar uber and they're like, hey, because your accounts in good standing, we upgraded you to the car that gives you motion sickness every time you get in it. oh yeah, the tesla.
2:03:22 rear wheel tesla model 3 full self driving dude hits the gas without knowing he's got like a rocket ship engine every time the whole time my uber driver was telling me about a tick tock he's like bro. let me find it for you on the highway like 80 looking at it and i'm like, no, no, it's good like i think i know what you have seen that what i've seen that one, dude i have new aura every time i get dropped off by an uber driver and if they help me with my bags i shake their hand that's cool. i'm like the dawn
2:03:50 i mean it's better than like you know just have a good flight. hang on i'm checking with uber rating. five it's five flat. five flat is crazy. you might be the goat. we found a we found a five star uber rating huh? okay i... wow you got in trouble? i ruined apollo's uber rating by throwing up in an uber. i'll cop to that.
2:04:11 that probably got i got 4.94 if i may i think the reason that i have 4.94 is because
2:04:21 not everybody that i uber with when i uber respects that they say, hey, we'll get it be outside in two minutes sometimes there's a little time dilation going on and i'm going hey the drivers outside hey the drivers outside. we got to get in the car right away and people are going i just need to do one more thing. i just need to do one more thing. yeah, dude, my uber driver that made $400,000 a year told me he broke the nose of a homeless guy afterwards to be zero
2:04:48 no man, he also said people had sex in the back of his uber and i'm like bro i'm sitting back here. that's fucking terrible.
2:04:58 also, i just have to share ricky said when i was a kid i lost a friendship over the baby back rib song because this kid insisted they said i like the sauce at the end and i said he was a fucking idiot. they definitely do not say that corey probably can't take it over because they won't let him smoke in the back probably always rents an old cadillac. he's us guys as a recently new adopted vietnamese uncle
2:05:25 i gotta tell you that not patch the peekaboo method still works. no peekaboo's op. yeah, no, yeah, it's op bro. it's a song. it's a song. it's crazy. peekaboo.
2:05:38 so the kid is vietnamese? yeah. that doesn't make you vietnamese. no, it does because i've been adopted into... you have a vietnamese nephew? no, i've been adopted into the family, dude. i was in california saying hello to the grandparents in vietnamese. that also doesn't make you vietnamese. bro, dave welcomed me into the fucking family, bro. you know how far into the family i have to get to say hello to the grandparents in vietnamese?
2:06:07 everyone who's been to olive garden is like i'm italian now your family your family you guys that's the entrance you don't have any loot come back come back. i uploaded the entrance bad news this game is so back rooms man so back rooms the back of the brackets are oh
2:06:37 yeah well come over here and there's nothing so that's cool. i think they just killed someone. i'm just gonna fuck you. yeah yeah um did you hear him go huh huh huh? i might jump. dude he shuddered before he died man it was sad. maybe it might have felt good a little bit. oh hit it hit it hit it! oh shit.
2:07:04 are you going to go for the dishes? i almost shuddered too. i'm not vietnamese, but a vietnamese family has welcomed me as their own. that does not make you vietnamese. wait, what happened? a.i. did analyze my accent and said i was american vietnamese like five times in a row though. an american a vietnamese family living in los angeles introducing you to their grandparents does not make you vietnamese. but i'm pretty deep in there. grandma?
2:07:34 i even got invited to their christmas and i've even been to their christmas. so like, justin's coming. where'd it go? we need to bring back like just throwing a baseball around the park with a friend. dude, it's so fun. yeah, man. every time i go to the playground, i'm reminded that there are like adults who still live like it's the 90s. i was there on a wednesday night and there were like eight adults there just playing casual volleyball.
2:07:56 i was like they do it. yes, man. that sounds so freeing. like they brought a net, set it up. they're probably heavier than all of us. i know they're like literally like, hey you want to go outside and play volleyball? they got seven motherfuckers to say yes. and some dude probably drives like 50 minutes to get there and do it. it's so awesome.
2:08:13 and then the one dude who shows up takes his shirt off. and he's in such good shape. yeah, everyone's like, what the fuck, man? i'm becoming a bar guy again. i decided i'm going back to that. i was that guy in my early 20s and now i'm back to it. you need me, i'll be at the grill. democrats, republicans. i'd rather be grill. don't tell me who you voted for. just tell me do you want a damn burger or a damn hot dog.
2:08:40 yes, i'm a nothing guy right now. wait. i'm a climbing guy now like like mount everest or like indoor you all want to go bouldering after this? i feel like this is every guy from new zealand i've ever met i'll bring the chalk really. it's every guy that's ever visited, california, i think hunting
2:09:00 guy that visits california and goes to huntington beach and doesn't talk to a single person, i fucking love huntington beach man! it's fucking lit over there. i think that's where me and apollo stayed for long beach twitchcon, right? that place was cool besides the bugs man. yeah the bugs part was terrible. that place was cool?!
2:09:18 isn't huntington beach like the most condensed population of republicans in the world? yeah, that's why i loved it. i'm playing. dude, it's been so nice fooling people lately. i've been wearing a lot of camo shorts and i got this mustache. dude, people really... they don't know what to think. they're like, back to blue, brother, back to blue.
2:09:37 before we go i was told this is new stuff here, but also it's flooded so crazy oh
2:10:01 guys, why did i find a hand? i got an ear. oh my god, bro. we could assemble it. oh i don't know. we gotta find the fucking head. i found a foot in an ear again. i found a ribcage this is the type of shit that was happening on the stanley park, right? we can definitely assemble. you got the tongue, ryan!
2:10:25 there's a hand to the handle here, too. i'm not with you. oh, right. i'm full up man. i'm full on down to what is going on. oh no.
2:10:53 i'm really scared because i'm alone. what do i do with this? freaky ass. can we stand up to each other or something? i got a lot of power. ooh. you have the heart, dude. whoa. yeah, you know, i've been in here. there's a bunch more. oh. oh. oh, does anyone have a key? i guess not, huh? wait, did one of you turn this off? no. oh. oh, someone must have found the power switch. yeah. i don't even know if you got tetanus.
2:11:26 was that? did you get bitten by like a dog or something? i stabbed myself with a staple. fine, you're fine. yeah, you're fine. was it rusty? i don't know. i didn't look. what do you think, apollo? 1,000 gifts sub bet. who's gonna go further in the world cup? canada or the us? let me get a bit further into the subathon and then i'm down. oh shit. i'll pick the us. that's true, but i want the market invalidated if the canadian team gets arrested.
2:11:57 for touching the ball too much or something on it. well, you know just like not being american i guess kory come this way. hey, kory, you there like a bedroom. what the hell is this first? oh, there's the spring thing bro. i saw the spring guy get pulled back run run run run don't run. i'm here with you
2:12:30 hello? how do we get out? oh right here, w. bro, we gotta get some more shit though. oh motherfucker, man. it would be so good if i could slap his fucking ass. you've been a very bad boy. you've been a very bad boy. what the fuck? he was like getting, he was going around. he was taking another path.
2:13:18 he was doing like one of those crazy little kid runs where they hit like 10 steps a second. we're back here again? yes. aw hell no man. that stinks. i took this step, charms. did he say... did he say wenshong hao? am i crazy? this ain't the right way bro. my bad. guess i'll die. no, that shouldn't be possible. goodnight y'all.
2:14:16 there it is, okay. fuck do you mean do you get lost in your own gnome? i'm in the hole. it's crank three again on this map with this much loot he's still gonna come back with zero but what the fuck i got fucking haunted yeah haunted. yeah, bro. i got haunted. there's electricity in my ears right now. what?
2:14:53 are you okay? well could you fucking take off before my head explodes? the laziest employee. me? the fuck? i brought shit back. i brought back a whole inventory of shit. that's funny, that's fucking funny. that's awesome. that's not funny, that's fucked up. did we win? sorry i was watching instagram reels. i think. what kind of reel were you watching? uh, bouldering. i'm big into climbing these things. that's huge. yeah. you wanna go climbing? with all the ai generated shit that was more like instagram unreels.
2:15:24 my god, your tongue was going crazy that's kind of fucking disgusting
2:15:50 you guys don't mind if i keep one foot, right? it doesn't look like i'm licking the toe? no, no, no. it doesn't look like you're licking the toe at all. is that what you were trying to do? that's what i'm trying to do. i'm trying to go tarantino. tarantino marinara? what the hell?
2:16:09 bro, i just got a notification on my phone i've never seen. i spent $13 at the store. someone's like left on your tinder. no, no, no man. damn. i don't even... damn. no, i was on hit. or a bubble. yikes. that's fucked up man, that's brutal. yeah, well at least i'm fucking trying. bro, i'm not even on dating apps because i got on there once and it felt weird.
2:16:41 i'm on the fucking baiting apps. the baiting apps. jerker, it's like j.d.r.k.r. i can't pick up lines that you couldn't even think of. i've got a whole lot.
2:17:03 did you guys hear that? or were you out of earshot? like a kilometer away i heard someone scream like an unholy scream and then like a rut insNLy loud boom. what happened? i did hear someone scream so loud.
2:17:30 they got gunned down in the streets. oh shit, people living, people dying. peter, lois, meg and brian. yeah man, i made that up. i left some shit at the fire escape, my hands are full though. if anyone wants to grab it. i'm on my way. did he leave some shit at the fire escape? is this a troll? motherfucker! motherf fatherfucker man!
2:18:03 what the fuck? is that supposed to be fucking... is that your idea of humor? oh, i left some shit in the fucking fire escape. i open up the door. and then i come out and it's a motherfucker in the mask sprinting at me? i went up to him and said, you can take that off. you can take the muzzle off. it's not 2020 anymore.
2:18:35 it was really funny this next one guys, it's really funny spectating justin it's being really laggy. yeah, i'm getting like died every yeah, let's talk about it to this one bro. it's loading up like seven fucking enemies like why do we have one of the heads? i
2:19:04 hi kory. hi. what is the violin sting mean again? is that a bracket? okay, okay, okay. you guys okay back there? this could be the exit over there. it's very well lit. i'm always having fun. hello squad. that's homer simpson man. that's homer simpson. there's tarts on the lift here.
2:20:03 hello? are you guys in here or is this where i came from? this is where i came from man. you guys through here? eerie ass sound design bro. i hear it. yeah? you go your way and i go mine bro. great we're back here. anybody still alive? clanking around with a oh i heard a fucking air horn man!
2:21:12 motherfuckers! motherfuckers! oh my god! some good deaths on that one. that was fucking hell, man. jesus christ. that sucked. i was specing you, corey, but like watching like you were facing me and i saw chiblee run up behind you and just get exploded by this weird guy. it was really good. what a guy. oh, wait! did i find it?
2:21:50 his body's right here. yeah, let's throw some shit on it first one to die at the party gets fuck. yeah didn't want to get drunk. you shouldn't have died. my fucking dick is dead for it did you used to do that to people? yeah, man. yeah, and they used to do it to me i was always the one i always bore witness to it and no one ever did it to me i was like a non participant. i never fell asleep first. i never got drawn on but i
2:22:20 i did draw on a friend a few times and he fucking got really fucking mad. i mean it sucks ass to be hung over and then be like oh great they sharpied a dick on my forehead so now i gotta spend like an hour scrubbing all my skin off while i'm trying not to throw up. he got really mad. i had a buddy who uh he got drawn all over while he was passed out drunk and just didn't know
2:22:44 the next day he was eating breakfast right by his like little like six year old sister and she just turned to him and said you look cool like a big dick on his head and like eyeliner with sharpie and stuff oh, yeah, when you when you go climbing they tell you to flash it constantly. it's perverted what what what does that mean the flash and they call you a beta they say beta and flashing all the time it's insane the bouldering community. i don't want to flash the beta. oh
2:23:12 no, that's what you do at the climbing gym. oh, you flash the betas? mm hmm. the beta is a route and the flashing is in your first up. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
2:23:38 that's okay spongebob yeah pants. i watched that movie it fucking sucks. what spongebob? yes, spongebob movie is not good
2:23:47 the original or the new one? the new one. the new one. i watched sin is though on the phone jesse plemons was on my flight ryan jesse plemons was on my flight. it broke my heart to find out he was in business class though dude, he was man. he's actually like i wish he wasn't so we're gonna hang out with him i thought he was one of us jesse plemons from begonia and break i've seen begonia. oh
2:24:11 good yeah, i couldn't even say hi to him because he got picked up at the gate like he had some fancy shit yeah, yeah, they can do that. that's how much i have a sign just just the clemens do any of you like jelly beans yes, sir yes they're awful man this is
2:24:32 why are they awful? you know there's like a thousand different flavors, right? you hate all 1000 of them? i think i do, yeah. was your first jelly bean experience bean boozled and you actually no, no, no. it tastes like vomit. it almost tastes like earwax. ew, do people like this? ew, ew! it wasn't that. that's a funny guy. i just don't like everything about the texture socks. they always taste old. surprise, you're neurodivergent.
2:25:00 don't i'm euro divergent. oh shit great that's good
2:25:18 and we just react like i said it this dude sounds i have to pay fucking rent tomorrow. oh, don't you pay every week? i don't man every week is crazy i could maybe awesome if i could do it every month, and it would just be better, but can i make you sad yeah? it'll be like four times as much yeah, i don't have to think about it every week. you know 100%
2:25:49 i'd be better for actually that would do it. i bet if you said, can i pay monthly instead? and then after a month you paid them the one week's price. i bet you would get like an extra two days before they, they were like, you gotta, you gotta give us some more money. they both matter because i won't pay the rent cause i was spent the last good having a book. john lemons. jesse.
2:26:18 dude, why was kirsten dunst on there? i'm pissed off. it's cause she's filming the minecraft movie. yeah, yeah, she was probably filming some shit. she's in the minecraft movie? jesse's more of like a house husband these days. yeah, she's alex. she's alex, i think, in the minecraft movie. she's not alex, man. come on. oh, someone told me she was. who is she? she's making a minecraft movie too? or is she like the mom or something? oh, that's true cause they didn't have a mom in the first one. wait, she is? she's alex? she's alex, i think.
2:26:45 that's huge news in the movie too. i'm gonna blow my daughter's mind and when i tell her that alex is in minecraft will be too holy cow. oh my god, and and you should tell her spoilers my friends my friends saw her husband my friend saw my minecraft soon. i think it'd be fun would be a good idea imagine i gotta get out of here
2:27:09 bye. it's like five after five. later. i love playing friend slop because you don't have to do the thing where you say bye and then you close the game and then you realize you're talking in the discord and then you have to say bye again and you have to hang up. in friend slop you just close the damn game and it's like it's two hang ups at once, man. tomorrow we have a sponsored thing with dan bear and kate.
2:27:36 that, i think it's happening at 10 or 11 am pacific. we'll fill the rest with road to empress. either way, later!
2:27:45 that's on shanghai noon. i prefer shanghai 1230, the sequel. i haven't seen it, is the answer to your question. shanghai noon, having a blast shanghai noon, jackie chan is so fast owen wilson, crazy for me
2:28:07 jackie chan, fast as can be. duh duh duh, shanghai noon, the movies of boon. if you like to have some fun, oh well oh well oh well oh. tell me more, tell me more, is he really that fast? tell me more, tell me more, is jackie that fast? uh huh, this could go man, this could fucking go dude.
2:28:33 shanghai noon bad when it ends shanghai noon, let's watch it again oh those shanghai that is way too much context i don't know who you are i