popping bubble shields like candy - Bits and Banter [05⧸08⧸2026]

Name: popping bubble shields like candy - Bits and Banter [05⧸08⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-05-11
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "popping bubble shields like candy - Bits and Banter [05⧸08⧸2026]" — 203 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-05-11

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0:00 yeti, did you know that in the mod view... yeti, did you know that... what the hell? in the mod view, there's a button that says suspicious user activity. and for the entire time that i've been using mod tools, i've never seen it have a single notification. i went to mod view today, it has nine notifications because every time you type, like i really think that they did not think this feature out.
0:29 every time you type, it makes a... it's like a discord notification. like it makes the suspicious user tab get a plus one in red font. like it's so crazy that they said, we're going to punish this person who might be a ban evader by giving them a direct
0:49 line to the streamer. it's an unbelievably misaligned incentive. it is good for chat, i guess. well, it's good for the chatters who don't like yeti. which, i'm not trying to ruin your life, yeti. it's kind of surprising to me that there are people literally on the reddit that are beefing with yeti.
1:09 yeti's posting gay bob dylan parodies. on the reddit, they're posting like psychoanalysis essays. who do you think i'm beefing with, bro? fucking both of them. but like if i had to choose one, who do you think... let's just say hypothetically we were in a room and well, you can't finish the sentence, but you can fill in the blanks if you've seen the office. regardless, yeti, i mean, it's literally you've typed three more messages. they're right here.
1:37 yeah, there it is. when the pussy comes out sizzling. don't worry, i'm on the reddit pretending to hate yeti too even though i am yeti. that's pretty fucking funny, honestly. i was laughing watching chiblee play counter strike. i think hannah's funny as fuck. she went down banana and got killed and she was laughing and she said, let me tell you, the pussy bit back. that shit took me out for like five minutes. she couldn't even get the sentence out without laughing.
2:06 i was like, that is, that's a great line. now for some reason if i said it people would hit me with question marks but that's my cross to bear. i did the census. it took
2:28 it took three minutes with five questions. did you get the long form? damn, maybe i did get the fucking long form. or can i say, do you have anybody else that lives in your house? if you live by yourself in an apartment, i think the census would take five minutes. but every single question gets multiplied by the number of people that live in your house. i have a kid, it still took about five minutes. i didn't get any religion questions. damn, maybe i did get the long form census.
2:55 as someone who got the long form census, let me say anyone begging for the long form census, you are not missing the fuck out. i am also a nerd.
3:05 i still want it? why, so you can tell them you're an atheist? bro, you already put in that you're 25 and live in toronto. they know, man. they know. come on, what a ridiculous question. they said you're a 25 year old anglophone that lives in toronto. they don't need to ask the religious question. it literally, i am irreligious, popped up in gray immutable text. oh, you're 35 with a common law partner and no kids?
3:32 just curious, what god do you worship? come on. they can't do the math to figure out how many people live in your house when you say it's me, my wife, and one kid, but they definitely know. they can read between the lines on that.
3:48 our census in ontario was just about ethnicity, not religion. you didn't get the long form jealous! first off, it's stats canada, not stats ontario. average ontarian when you remind them that there's nine other provinces and three territories in canada. it's stats can, not stats on. okay, go back to petitioning your premier not to purchase a private jet, buddy. we out here three hours behind and still ahead of the curve.
4:12 i didn't say shit about ontario, by the way. i literally like ontario. it's one of the best places to go out to boston pizza and see lots of dudes taking their wives out for anniversaries and they're wearing baseball caps.
4:25 why are people review bombing the game? i don't even want to go off on a rant, okay? but literally slay the spire 2 is one of the greatest games ever made. it has mostly negative reviews on steam and all of the negative reviews are like, don't play it because the door maker's too hard. are you fucking stupid? the door maker's literally the easiest boss. the queen and the experimental subject are too fucking hard. and don't even get me started on that motherfucker on act one who you have to hit nine times before he takes damage for the first time.
4:54 the door maker is easy man! preferred noodle. preferred noodle for me is ramen. i'm becoming less axiomatic when it comes to noodles.
5:05 i used to kind of be like a ramen noodle or bus sort of guy. now i'm like, you know, if i'm on an airplane and the meal has one of those weird little semi square soba containers with it, with the soba sauce, it's kind of like a sweet soy sauce or something like that, i'll eat the soba. fancy? well, when you fly economy on like an asian airline, they actually treat you like a human being. now, one of the things that's been hardest for me to
5:31 except as i've gotten older and traveled a little bit, is that the thing, frowny face, thing japan bat chest is like literally, actually, sadly, and i wish it weren't the case, but is actually true in a lot of circumstances.
5:50 surprising amount of circumstances where it actually is like, like thing japan is not gonna change your life necessarily, but thing, thing japan can sometimes be better than the default version of thing north america for sure. now i'm not sure it applies to the family mart fried chicken, but anyway. glass noodles are great. listen, at this point in my life, i'm so like carb coated, i'll take anything as long as it's not fuck ass, uh, konnyaku or something like that.
6:19 i know you're not a physical media guy, but if you could have any blu ray, what would it be? i don't have an answer for that, but does anyone want to go to black dog video and then just buy like a fuck ton of criterion collection editions and put them back here? put them back here to virtue signal? mostly movies that i've never seen. i want to see right there, i want mishima, a life in four parts. next to that, twin peaks fire walk with me. boom. move it over one. seven samurai and then ran.
6:46 the the kurusawa double hit. let's put do the right thing right there. okay, what are we going to have next to that? come and see right next to stalker, right next to solaris. festen, i think festen and yachtin right next to one another. maybe, might i suggest, right next to druk. is there a criterion collection? we need beauxtravail. we need beauxtravail up there. both of these. we need a couple copies of both of these.
7:12 wally criterion? is there really a criterion collection edition of wally? i need that next to a new hope, man. you know what movie i actually have to see? thank you for mentioning it, by the way. because i saw it when i was a child, when it was just a joke to me because i was like eight. babe. and i don't know, i like, we're in this post ironic era where i also don't know if like babe, pig in the city is a joke or if it's actually kino. like i watched babe when i was like
7:41 8. not a good time to watch a movie with like a gooey emotional center, because i was basically just like, it's a movie about a pig. it's, you know, simple ass. marley and me? no, i was like, i'm pretty sure that shit came out when the nlss was on. so like that shit didn't, it was not a childhood movie for a beast like me.
8:01 just because it's a kid's movie doesn't mean it's a joke movie. you're not prepared for a big pig in the city. i never said it's a joke movie. i said i was eight, so i treated it as a joke because i lacked the emotional depth to really interface with it on any level beyond this is a movie with a pig in it. i think you have me confused.
8:19 when you're eight, every movie is a joke? yeah, except spider verse, buddy. it has a 67 on rotten tomatoes? rotten tomatoes is a weird one. you can't trust it at all, obviously, but you certainly can't trust it for a movie that came out before rotten tomatoes existed. also, yeah, now that i think about it, are you just trolling? are you just saying that because it's 6'7"?
8:39 fern gully fucked up movie for a kid to watch. i literally saw it in theaters i think four times. hello tiny request i enjoy the youtube videos but could we cut out the two minute outro song it kills my autoplay vibe i have to manually skip it every time thanks. librarian are you here? we got one for you. this one i'm gonna direct your comment thank you we appreciate your call um your
9:02 feedback is important to us. i just think that maybe on the phone menu you hit the wrong button because this went direct to me instead of going to the going to the person that is most able to deal with your concerns, but that's fine we'll redirect that over to the librarian you're good to go. oh
9:20 do you hate me? no, spinny boy, you're honestly, spinny boy stocks have been coming up, but i can't remember why. you said something and i was like, damn, who said that? it was in the discord. and then i looked at it and i was like, oh shit, spinny boy. i didn't expect that. it elevated your stock greatly. probably because they defend yeti to the death. it's not all about that. i'm pretty sure it was because they said something that, uh, fuck order. i'm pretty sure it's because they said something that defended me, to be honest.
9:52 yetis in the on ban request begging you to take a look. sorry, man. i don't have a choice yeah, i'm like i'm working right now yeti so i'm not gonna do that. it's not the yeti show okay, i'm happy to have all your messages. oh wait, did you get did yeti get banned banned by a mod? i saw origin in chaz. so there's a there's a non zero chance. yep. okay fair enough. mm hmm
10:22 you built a deck? my brother in christ, you built a deck. my brother in christ, i chose from three options. if all three options are ass, then of course the run's gonna be ass. this is exactly, oh, what do you mean the sandwich sucks? my brother in christ, you made the sandwich. have you seen the tomatoes that they have at subway? the lettuce is brown and the tomatoes are green. what's going on? i made the sandwich, i made the sandwich out of the bricks that they built.
10:49 what do you think your death trap would be if john kramer took you? is john kramer jigsaw? or john kramer's the guy jigsaw is a puppet that's manipulated by john kramer. is that true? i 100% think that it would just be, well, something's about to fall on me, okay? like a heavy anvil or something and i'm obviously strapped to a chair, immobilized in some capacity.
11:12 as long as i talk, it does not... like the rope doesn't get any more frayed. but if i ever stop talking, then like a knife gets closer to cutting the rope, thus dropping the boulder on top of my head. so i think it's a very ironic punishment for me would be like to be forced to filibuster until my inevitable death regardless. doesn't he give you a way to escape?
11:36 have you seen the movies? like he kind of gives you a way to escape, but i mean in some of them he doesn't. like there's some of the solid games are actually competitive like not everybody can make it out alive. they're set up like physical 100. might cost you a pound of flesh. i know we've had this discussion a thousand times. i weigh like 172 pounds. i think i could cut a pound of flesh out of myself without dying. it would hurt like a motherfucker, but i think i could fill the scale.
12:05 yes, i mean spread it out or like take part of both butt cheeks. i definitely think you take some off the front of the belly like no problem unless i guess like does body fat count as flesh or does it have to be muscle? i think i could do it man. i think honestly in the shakespearean times it was different because they didn't have like modern medicine or whatever. and you got to do it in such a way that you don't bleed out and that might be the hardest part of all. i don't disagree.
12:31 have you ever seen the rolex subreddit and how much these dudes bend over backwards for the watch they want? i have. i have seen, first off, thank you for bringing this up. i have seen the rolex subreddit, but beyond that i also have a brother in law who's kind of a rolex guy, so i've heard firsthand
12:48 you might think that rolex is like a store where you go in and you go, i would like to spend a lot of money on a watch and they go, we're the store for you. what watch do you want? give me your money. here's the watch. have a nice day. but that's not how it works. if you want one of the classic high demand rolexes, you have to build up a relationship with your sales associate first.
13:15 basically, and don't quote me on this, but my understanding is that you sort of have to just, they'll text you and be like, hey, we don't have your watch yet. but what we do have is like a jacket that might move you up the list to actually get the watch you want.
13:36 so you like buy the jacket or the bracelet or like a watch safe or something like that and then after six months, depending on where you live and your relationship with your sales associate, after like six months to two or three years you'll get the call where they go, hey that watch that you wanted three years ago is now available. and that is why if i were ever to get a nice watch
14:03 i'm not fucking with this kind of like artificial scarcity. you just go to japan and get a grand seiko. you spend the same amount of money, which is unreasonable. it's like a toyota corolla's worth of...
14:16 money just to get something that you do only other dudes who care about watches care about at all and then you go get a grand seiko and then unless if you're a realtor you may actually have to get a rolex because then like your clients might be like oh shit this guy's got a rolex but if you're just like a guy you could just get the grand seiko instead or something like that but then maybe this will age badly and at some point that you'll have to do that as well
14:39 or you could get the richard mille, the one that looks like the factory that almost crushes padme amidala from the end of attack of the clones, where every time the second hand turns, like a hundred gears turn inside of the thing. but...
14:55 well, you just get a garmin too. okay, garmin? i forgot to tell you, by the way, i saw avengers doomsday yesterday. i saw it while i was watching dinner. and he asked me anything about avengers doomsday. i'll tell you, i don't give a fuck. you can't muzzle me. was it good? i'm under nda. i can't answer. that's the only thing i can't answer.
15:17 is it scary to you? yes, i will say it's literally actually this now the joke is uh is too real because this is literally how people talk when they get early access to see marvel movies. they're like it's literally it doesn't just have horror elements it literally redefines
15:33 horror cinema. i never would have thought that sam raimi could have brought these elements to marvel, but here we are. it's not just a good marvel movie, it's literally one of the best horror movies of the year. and you're like, damn, that sounds awesome. then all of a sudden you're like, why the fuck does it have a 59 on metacritic then? should have been the woman delorean and girl goo. i wish that i had read the girl goo part of that before i said it out loud.
16:04 but i'm going to give you a plus too regardless. saw a woman with a grogu tattoo on the 99 last weekend. let's just hope, first off, the 99 is the most famous bus or the busiest bus in vancouver. i don't know if a bus can be famous or if that's just my neurotypical mistalking. but let's hope grogu doesn't do like he doesn't go on that khaleesi arc.
16:24 but yeah, they're gonna feel mighty embarrassed if grogu fucking takes over king's landing and then there's like the mandalorian spreads his wings behind grogu and then people go. this literally is gonna be taught in film class for the next 100 years or whatever. this is tony shalhoub. i think that have you seen doom? i'm just i'm not trying to make you feel bad. have you seen doom? tony shalhoub isn't in it unless he plays the worm.
16:53 you said doom, buddy? so i was thinking about karl urban because i'm going to see mortal kombat this weekend for the ninth time. i had a friend in the 11th grade who was obsessed with doom 3. i've never heard him more disappointed in my entire life than when
17:12 he went to see the doom movie in like 2005 when it came out. and literally he was like, the movie sucked. the only thing that was awesome is like the last 30 minutes take place in the first person. like it's a first person shooter. bro, what did you expect? i mean, he was, he was a true believer in the doom universe. he has, the rock has been churning out pure garbage for, i mean at this point more than two decades at this point, which is, is absolutely insane. jumanji was kind of good.
17:40 yeah, i mean, i actually agree, but it did come out like 12 years ago at this point. pain and gain is good? yeah, but that one's even older, man. the other guys was incredibly good. it came out in 2010. i'm sorry, i'm not, i'm literally just... that's 16 years ago. the people that were born, the people that were conceived at that movie are literally t boning motherfuckers on the road looking at youtube shorts while they're driving right now. we have to, he has to be in something else, man!
18:08 that's true, he's also in the other guys for like six seconds. now he's a very memorable part of it, but nevertheless, i'm not fucking with the rock. and batista, you're on notice. i'm not saying fuck batista, by the way. i'm not saying fuck batista. so many times i say shit like this, people go, why is he saying fuck batista? never in my life did i say fuck batista. but he needs a couple more roles. he needs a couple more non stuber type roles for me to truly buy in. jason momoa is truly lost though. can i, so i...
18:39 i'm, believe it or not, i'm a heterosexual. i know sometimes i talk about penis that's because i have one. so don't get it twisted. so i need people in chat who are attracted to men and i know it's different for everybody but deep down it's probably all the same, right? is jason momoa really hot? i need, please be so fucking for real with me right now. is he really hot? i don't mean like is he really hot, i mean like is he verifiably hot? extremely. he's a type
19:07 unbelievable question. like if you were to ask me, i'm a heterosexual man, who's the sexiest man in the world? stephen merchant. okay? so that's why i'm asking chad, who is more of an authority on this shit, who is jason momoa actually hot? now to be fair, he might be getting a debuff because like most of the... jason momoa, when i picture him in my head, i'm picturing the garbage man from the minecraft movie, which is probably not his best look.
19:35 he's hot but i wouldn't say i'm attracted to him. okay, okay, i understand. my friend is jason momoa's personal assistant. i can ask him questions. please don't ask jason momoa's personal assistant if like he's hot. that's crazy. i don't really have that much curiosity about jason momoa if i'm being honest.
19:56 i mean, not to, you know, damn him with feign praise or anything like that. i just don't... i'm not that... what would i ask him? what was it like to be on game of thrones? like, what's he gonna say? he can't be honest. i'm just... he's the one for me where i'm like... people online are like, he's so hot. but i'm like, i need to ask 8,000 strangers to verify for me whether or not this is actually true.
20:22 he has a cool rv. is that part of it? i'm asking you honestly, it might be. that is part of it. i'm learning new shit every day, man. every goddamn day. i'm just saying, i think he needs a shave and a haircut, man. i think a shave and a haircut could really up the jason momoa stocks. i like a tidier grooming regimen on a man. listen, nobody asked for my opinion, but that is what i'm trying to say.
20:50 but maybe the straightest thing i could say is that i think if i was to choose which man i think is sexy, i would try to choose a man that's predominantly hairless. at least from like the nose down.
21:02 i am, maybe from the, maybe from the chin down. and i bet it changes day to day as with, i would also guess that it changes day to day. i bet there's days where you wake up and you're like, maybe i'm feeling like jason momoa today. and then there's like maybe, maybe five out of seven days you wake up and you're like, ah, it's not really for me. but then like maybe something you had for dinner last night or like the kind of sleep you had affects it. i don't know. just reread the never met a burger i couldn't eat tweet. what a certified classic.
21:30 can i be honest with you? i don't know if i'm familiar with that tweet. never met a burger i couldn't eat. when i think of load bearing tweets, i think of like, um... i have the paper towel habits of a much wealthier man. that's a classic. yeah, i'll tell you one thing, me and my friends would have beaten e.t. to death with hammers.
21:50 i made the clutch move of ordering us pizza at 1am that you said honey badger drinks when he wants. that's an all time classic. and i will say, and you don't have to hand it to him, but the kanye water bottle tweet is a work of art in the sense that i think about it every time i'm in the situation. whenever we're at the airport and kate is like, do you want to get some water before we get on? i'm like, no, because then i got to babysit the bottle of water the whole time.
22:19 either you drink the water and then throw it in the recycling bin at the gate or you don't get the water. you wait until you go to the... you wait until you get on the airplane and you give you a little cup instead. you could have had a crazy deck with the claws. close the tab and delete your negative review of this because you say it's unbalanced. megacrit literally intellectually mogs you.
22:39 and by the way, listen, i'm playing slay the spire 2, i'm interfacing with new mechanics like glass orbs and you're like, run back the same all for one claw build you've been playing on your phone for fucking nine years. what the fuck are you talking about, bro? not to mention, we're talking about works of art. we're talking about seminal tweets. we're not talking about the... this isn't limited resources. we're not rating a five out of five card three out of five for the pre release to try to sell lynda.com subscriptions, okay? focus, strikey.
23:07 meg ressler, you need to start leaving reviews on letterboxd because i saw that you watched if i had legs i'd kick you. perfect opportunity for me to leave a review that or a comment on your review that just says asap rocky! but you deprived me of that and in many ways i'll never forgive you. that's a positive incentive to do that. frames of nick, are you here?
23:35 is it or is it not awesome to have me leaving comments on your reviews? like when you left that review of dead ringers and i said david had jeremy talking like joel at the end. i mean jeremy irons was going ellie ellie ellie ellie ellie. i don't know what you want me to say though. comment speaks for itself. david had jeremy talking like joel bro. they don't get it man. how come in past lives the husband writes a book called boner? how come in your life
24:07 you've written a novel's worth of messages into my chat, but have never published anything. you ever think about that? i love... nothing feels better than seeing a wave of cots, man. it's so... you leave that guy alone! that guy's my goat, okay? 36 damage. i have no choice but to pass away, i suppose. i have 35 health. alright, he kind of put his nuts on my head like gene kelly in the broadway review.
24:46 need more frost? oh my god shut up about claw and frost. we know bro, we played the game in 2017. we know those are good, just chill. 1 hp away? well yeah but i did have to do 280 damage to him or something so it would have taken us... i think it's a bit of a stretch to say we lost by 1 hp.
25:05 play a status deck? i'm starting to see why slay the spire 2 has so many negative reviews. is people decide what deck they're gonna play before they even see the relic and the cards that they get from the first fucking elite or the first god? you're really walking into this going, i'm gonna play a claw build? oh, i didn't get claw. negative review? that's sad, man. it couldn't be me. you sound like the philadelphia flyers right now. flyers, bros. is it over?
25:30 um, i'm not asking if they're gonna lose. i know they're gonna lose. i'm asking is it over? can the pain stop? you know what i've realized and i apologize, drankman, if you're in the chat. half of the people who talk hockey are just talking hockey so that they can talk basketball. it's starting to piss me off.
25:49 we're talking about hockey, we're talking about the flyers. nobody said shit about joel embiid. i saw a drank man was in the peloton discord asking questions about hockey and as soon as i would answer the hockey question they would say, damn that sounds kind of like the new york knicks. and i'm like, i don't know, i can't meet you there. because i don't know anything about the new york knicks except patrick ewing circa like 1994. did you have a bill simmons era? thankfully no. i think it's more of a
26:17 i mean, i was aware of like bill simmons and chuck klosterman and stuff like that, but i think they were for mostly for fellas that were a little bit older than me. they're more of like an elder millennial gen x sort of. my bad, i forgot how the game works there.
26:35 bill at least likes the nba. i'm not going to get sucked into a debate on bill simmons because i don't know anything about him. i will say that i think for the good of society we have to start treating anybody that advertises like genuine gambling as an op. except that one stream that dan did. i'll give him a pass because he's a personal friend but don't do it again. but otherwise, as a heuristic we have to start treating anybody that advertises gambling as an op. i'm 80 years old who's this guy on my picture box?
27:06 flip the channel, unc. 24 hour news is statistically, i mean if you're watching me on your tv, you're probably on like channel 9,000. so 24 hour news is definitely that way. press the down channel button on your remote. that'll get you to 24 hour news. heartbreaking by the way, my parents have a digital cable. went over to my parents house this weekend, turned on the tv.
27:31 digital cable was like the ninth box over. found out my mom and dad have been watching the free channels on samsung tv plus for like two months. oh!
27:42 no, no, no, no, no. you got real tv. you don't have to go to the 15,000 free channels on samsung tv plus. so i went to the home screen and i dragged hdmi 1 all the way to the left. it was like, you don't have to watch the cbc news network on samsung tv plus. you can watch the real cbc. you can watch murdoch mysteries.
28:11 okay, this is we're gonna learn this. what is the order? tell me the order. three, four, one, two. thank you so much. because there's a different one. it's actually four, one, three, two. motherfucker, man. what a fucking wicked game we play. or some shit. you're already dead. you're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye. okay, wait, we're mogging them? we don't quote nicki minaj anymore? i i won't quote her, but i will
28:53 when chat engagement is low, i'm not above doing that. what is that? i'm not 100% sure. to be honest with you, i'm not 100% sure. free yeti? yeti has to stop getting banned at the start of every stream. because the whole stream ends up being dominated by yeti not being able to chat. get banned like halfway through or like closer to the end or something. stop getting banned at the damn start. they posted ascii? okay, now it's starting to piss me off.
29:22 this will be like the fourth time i've unbanned them for posting ascii. so now, and i've been a big proponent of the idea that you shouldn't get banned for posting ascii art because it is funny. that being said, doing it every stream now just because i've said that is now that's being very flippant. that's not the spirit of why i said it in the first place.
29:45 they are abusing the bubble shield. that's a perfect way to describe it. you still on the triple shower a day? see, the thing is, i would answer that, but i saw you ask it yesterday. and the fact that you're like asking once, i can forgive. asking twice indicates like an amount of curiosity that is beyond the norm. and as a result, i don't feel like it behooves me to respond, to be honest with you.
30:12 but i'm curious now. okay, that's good. to be curious is to be human. now go cure cancer. now that you're curious, go cure cancer. get the hell out of my chat. you're supposed to... you see, vip daniel knows. you're supposed to ask twice max. once to check if he ignored it and a second time in case he didn't look the first time. that's exactly right. it's 100% correct.
30:38 asking three times. is jusfln in chat? i don't know if that's the way your name is pronounced, but there's like a serious lack of vowels. are they in the chat? when you ask too many times, you kind of get a reputation for being an asker, and i don't think that's a good thing. please just take the best defect card, man. i hesitate before i say this because you're a subscriber. twitch viewers who only watch one game are so annoying.
31:02 why aren't you watching the streamer play this game that you always watch play this game? why did you pivot from watching them play this game to watching me play this game so you could type the shit in my chat that you want to type in their chat? go to their chat and reference the video essay about the tier list. they're not a sub anyway. i don't have a problem with them. they ain't heavy, man. that's my brother, okay? but we don't talk about that shit in here. in here, we talk about different stuff. tip color, tip texture,
31:33 one of the most annoying things i think ever, i've been getting gaslit a lot. thank you by the way yesterday for having my fucking back when i said, kory do you think you get miranda july and kristen schaal when you're in the placebo group for this substance? and then he said they don't really look alike. he literally, i don't know why, i thought we were friends.
31:54 i honestly thought he might be my best friend in the entire world. and then he just for no reason, he's going out here and saying miranda july and kristen schaal don't look alike. like just, just, just, i don't know, just the ego check me or something. i can't imagine what other reason there would be. then you said, then you said, everybody in chat, you said they actually do look alike, which i greatly appreciated.
32:18 but one of the other things that i said that pisses me off and you guys gaslit me, i said the tip of your cock is made of something different than anything else on your body. there is no other part of your body that is made out of the same shit that they made the tip out of your dick out of. and you said your lips. no bro, it's not. the lips are not made of the same thing as the tip of your penis. they're both made out of different shit than most of you, but they're not made out of the same shit as each other.
32:44 if your lips were made out of that shit, it would be like kissing a fucking statue or something, okay? and if the tip of your cock was made out of the same shit as your lips, i don't even know if you'd be able to work with it. there's some kind of, like, with a tree, you know, there's branches and leaves and roots and bark. i think it's the same way for us. and honestly, i think that's bark. and the branches would probably be like our bones, and the leaves would obviously be like maybe
33:12 hair or skin or something like that but i haven't really, the metaphor i haven't really thought about it that far yet. it just, it's not like agreeing or disagreeing with me that pisses me off. it's when you misrepresent objective truth in order to try to ego check me. that's what fucking pisses me off. because you're denying fundamental objective realities of the universe just in, what, to get a pithy little own? it speaks poorly about the balance of your spirit.
33:43 didn't you recently realize you don't know whether or not you're circumcised? and now we're going to act like curiosity is a bad thing. i'm obviously circumcised. i'm just not sure if i got, because i don't have the turtleneck, but i don't know if i have the same method of circumcision that all the other circumcised fellows have because the way people are talking about it is like i can't quite, i can't relate to it. but it must be the same because i've never seen one and been like what's going on with that? so it must be, it must be the same.
34:14 they left the collar on? yeah, it's like they, you know, on a fucking like a, on a patagonia quarter zip, you can wear it up. i ain't wearing it up. i'm not david dastmalchian and doing part one. they folded it down. they folded it down to go like business casual. did they roll up the sleeves? i don't even know how to reply to that. i don't know what that, i don't know what that would mean. can i say something? this might get me in trouble. do you ever think that, let me think about the way that i want to describe this.
34:47 i don't want it. i want it to be unambiguous. nah, they ain't ready for that one yet. it's not about it's not about the tip of my penis. it's glib that you would even suggest that quite frankly, say a coward. i don't think i can. i don't think i can because you guys got so mad. not mad but
35:10 you took issue when kate said, why are there so many guys who are horny that are like pussy, pussy, pussy, but there's so few women that are like dick, dick, dick. and i said, well, obviously it just speaks to the fact that pussy must be better than dick. everyone in chat was like, how would you know? and i was like, well, okay, fair. you kind of, at the same time, like it's obvious. it's like sherlock holmes. it's you, you, you use deductive reasoning.
35:42 farrell's kind of crazy. i love what he did on blurred lines. okay, we'll give this a shot. um, guy who really loves blurred lines but knows that robin thicke has been canceled so only listens to the pharrell parts. blurred lines minus robin thicke, just blurred lines instrumental. and the, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
36:22 hey, hey, hey. it's pretty good. some of the minions songs go crazy. it's so insane that happy is from the minions, man. or it's from despicable me 2 or whatever. like, it's so... but really, despicable me 2 sounds like more of something that robin thicke might be interested in. can i get a hell yeah? well, 5 or 16 plus... that's not enough to keep us alive.
36:53 you can draw nothing. it feels impossible. hear me out. iteration. iteration. first time you draw a status each turn, draw two cards. draw five cards. you draw them. you draw them. then they get folded down and we draw two more cards. we play one defend and somehow we live. devs! devs! oh, maybe we didn't... we literally didn't draw any statuses.
37:31 we didn't draw a single status. that's unbelievable. that stings. it mostly stings because we had a fucking win. we had a win on our fucking stick like nate mckinnon in the gold medal game. life's a bitch and then you die. so true. that's why we get high because you never know when you're gonna go, man. fuck it. i'm still gonna call it ascending the tower. i've never felt worse than when i tried to come up with a title in one minute and the only title i could come up with was ascending the fucking tower, man.
38:08 counter strike more than two days a week is actually hell person who hates counter strike, but tolerates it two days a week what are you trying to say? what are you trying to say?
38:16 this is where we know i'm friends with levi but i'm not levi. we need like a levi style video where whenever someone says something like that we can put the message on the screen, snap it out, put it right there and then play like a 15 second video tutorial that we made and it just goes like this it goes um hey youtube be
38:38 here to give you a helpful tutorial about how to close your web browser. what you're going to do is you're going to grab your mouse with your dominant hand or whichever hand happens to be on the same side of the desk as the mouse and you're going to drag it up to the top right and there's this little button that looks like an x and you'll know it's about to work when it gets highlighted with a bit of a translucent border. when you mouse over it all you're going to do is click that and then you won't have to look at the thing that you say you hate anymore.
39:07 make sure to like the video if you enjoy it. subscribe if you want more tutorials in the future. thanks for watching.
39:41 i think they enjoy the content. they're just empaths who don't like seeing you crash out on randoms. okay, i will apologize to my team when i kept saying overload them. it is, it's nonsensical to call a plan into the comms that i have muted and then expect them to do it and then get mad when they don't. that really, that i had a, there was a reckoning moment there and now i was like, that was stupid of me. i was in the wrong on that one too.
40:09 igl into a vacuum and then be like, why didn't they follow me? that being said, they should have known. they should have known. how about this? some suica one versus one. i'm pointing at my shirt that says, i love variety. i love variety. i love variety. new things are always better. new things that are good suck. things that we know are good suck. things that we have no idea of the quality are better than that.
40:34 that thing i recommended yesterday, i don't want to see it anymore. i want to see new thing. thank you for taking my suggestion from yesterday. now play something brand new. okay. reported. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. i'm going to freak out. literally worked. ouch. never should have crouched. the crouch cost me a step. yes. yes. no, no. you don't have armor. you have 800 gold. do you have 800 gold? but no. okay. so green bought nothing. round one. round two.
41:20 m4 died instantly. m4, no armor off a loss. they gotta be trolling, bro. anybody blocked me. any fucking body blocked me. twice. twice on round one. and my grenade still went off for 170 damage. gotta dance. gotta dance. they're on ramp, y'all. they're out. there's the first assist. more. i wanna see more. i wanna see more.
41:53 i was so skeptical but the lob was so fucking perfect. there's another assist for me. there's one more. i mean... holy fuck. dude, the damage was kind of legit. what's going on on t's side, man? i stick with the m4 incendiary. this lobby isn't real. i love being bad at games because you get to play with people who are also bad.
42:29 two alive, nobody watching bomb. it happens all the time. thought the other guy had it. t are gonna win. i don't like that they have four. for me to feel good about myself, we have to win the next four rounds. or we could win pistol round, st. i did think about the awp. honestly, my stats are kind of crazy. you just need one more assist and 13 less damage and then i'd be like straight out of the doom generation. i do worry for the state of gaming where like people cannot
43:00 move at the start of the round reliably. like it's kind of frightening to me that like every fucking match there's somebody that doesn't move at the start. you queued the government didn't queue the game for you bro, this ain't jury duty. move! you ever have jury duty? once, but when they asked me for my name i told them i thought we should bring back the electric chair so they let me go. did we ever have it here? i don't know.
43:35 we might have just been tying motherfuckers to two horses and slapping them on the ass to run them in two different directions. i don't know. yeah, maybe we did do the firing squad. yeah, i don't know. i always love the firing squad. it's like it can't be real that the reason they only gave one of the guys the bullets. holy fuck. oh, jesus christ is so that like the rest of them thought maybe i wasn't the guy with the bullet, right?
44:06 like are you telling me that after 40 years of working as an executioner, the dude was like, you're not going to believe this? i didn't, i've never killed anybody. oh, another assist for me. surprise, surprise. holy fuck. wait, they're popping off. somebody's hotbox in control. body blocked me. op ramp. i love it. just make sure i get the he in there first. nah, you got it. the michael jackson grenade. hee! new stim unlocked. oh, he's hot.
45:04 check this out. worth, worth, worth, worth. did you see that? well, let me see that incendiary. that incendiary is so perfectly placed. you can see where it burned on the ground. literally, that denied so much space. ah, shit. that was literally my job to cover the flank, by the way. but got mine. that was fucking awesome. how do you go down a ladder? oh, no! no!
46:08 why do people talk like that? maybe compensate for recoil and pull down the humble rhetorical maybe with the all caps fucking conversation. what are you talking about here? the coy toxic chatter, the demure flamer. ooh, that one's for you. worth. yes, all tall guys have bigger dicks. it's not. what did they say?
46:36 they said it's not made up, it's science. i believe that because it's literally like how could it, it just seems like physics. i'm not saying that a tall guy will always have a bigger dick than a short guy, but a tall guy will always have a bigger dick if he's taller. like the same dude at 6'4 and 5'9, he's gonna have a bigger dick at 6'4 because there's more of him to go around. like isn't it, yeah everything's bigger, exactly. does he have a bigger appendix, bigger stomach, shit like that? might have fucking bigger cells for all i know, i have no idea man.
47:09 motherfucker, i should have had him my bad. you let me down blonde on blonde or why are his album? titles so fucking long bro. what a shot at least we to asia or gaucho it's like five keystrokes we get ready to play lurk. you got the bot you got the you got the bomb in an op, bro you got to go outside you six eight, bro. why are you complaining about legroom on airplanes? you're supposed to be on a private jet bad news guys bad news. they got us
47:57 nice try, don't let your crown slip. case reset? literally, now what i'm about to say is gonna sound like it's nice to gambling, but i don't mean it to be nice to gambling. i mean it to be very rude to cs gambling. i've reached a point where i'm like, i would never open a case. if i was gonna open a case, why wouldn't i just buy like $5 worth of lottery tickets instead?
48:24 just buy the skins? i don't give a fuck about the skins, bro. i'll just pick them up off a corpse or something like that. it's about the money! i'm trying a new character. it's kevin o'leary. kevin o'leary at a trying to buy lemonade at a lemonade stand. you've... it's not just that you've come here with a bad business idea. you've insulted me because my god is money. my religion is money and you have spoken in a heretical way. three dollars for a glass of lemonade? what are your unit costs?
48:54 what's your revenue this year? pre reven and you haven't, let me guess, you haven't paid yourself. you are going to get laser beeped. country time is going to paint the target on your head and shoot you from space. corey. hello? i'm muted. yeah. i'm currently consuming a sandwich. from where? my kitchen. and the base ingredients came from? superstore. s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s u s
49:32 what? b w a y and you made the sandwich. no. in your kitchen. the thing that makes that so funny that you made your own subway sandwich at home is that it was the right thing to do. if it had just been a weird thing to do, it wouldn't have been as funny. the fact that it was the actual right way to do it makes it so much better. right? i thought it was sensible. well, because i feel like anybody else would have just gone,
50:02 make two sandwiches and i'll just keep one in the fridge. but you went, nah, the bread will get soggy. so give me, make one sandwich for me and then give me the, the composite parts of the other sandwich. it is surprising. honestly, the subway workers have been getting brattier and i literally support them for it because they're usually holding down like the whole store by themselves during dinner rush.
50:31 but like there are times i've never heard like worse customer service than at recent subways. a few days ago, i was at one, they said, what do you want on the sandwich? i said, lettuce, tomato. and she literally went sauces first. like she didn't say like, excuse me or anything. she said sauce. and i also i've eaten at subway 2,500 times in my life. never in history have i have i done sauces first, but sure. okay.
50:58 i think she loaded the prep station backwards and now she's compensating by saying sauces first. not to be rude, you could just slide the sandwich like six inches to the left at the end of the toppings. you should just spam a cat until they... varedo on d? what? varedo. varedo on d? oh my god, how did he get there so fast and how did i kill him?
51:26 i think i fucked up my smoke because you screamed. oh my god, he got there so fast and yet i killed him on pure brainstem. i don't see shit on a site. damn, did you see that shit? a site clear. oh fuck, he's there. but still, that was awesome. you gotta play this game like you have a 10 inch cock. ryan, oh, okay. oh shit, i'll refund. i got next to you, accidentally. oh, no sweat, no sweat.
52:12 oh my god, how did that he danced around every shot i made man. you got this, you got this dog. oh shit, i didn't even know i was dead. i was still standing up, i died standing up. did i play the fish still today? no, i didn't. yeti got banned in my chat, they need a place to go. how'd you know, how'd you know? they got banned like eight seconds into the stream. today? yeah.
52:40 again? yeah, i know man. i know. what are they typing? i think this was like an ascii among us this time. it wasn't me. i think that's honestly like funny as fuck. yeah, i love this. oh shit! no, good idea. why is our yellow doing the slowest longest flank of all time? yellow your life doesn't mean anything just get it get win rounds win rounds, bro! let's do this purple. you want to see some crazy shit? it's two ops by the way.
53:18 oh, okay. all right. well, i saw some crazy shit. you know what? my plan, my plan was to do this. my plan was to go like this flash out. and then when he looked away, i would jump in with the op and no scope him. cause this, i mean, this skin kind of looks, it would catch the eye. let's put it that way. it would have been crazy. i will say that much. it would have been really amazing if that happened. i'm just going to pretend that that's what happened.
53:45 librarian you can edit that right? imagine. this is all about timing. nitro does have a lot of smoke so it could be really rough for symbol to actually get through this. he's got to throw the awp in. oh my god. there's something popping in. there's three long. yeah. you got a flanker. i'm dead man. it's yellow. guess who it is. low key they have 2007 damage. can we have a real conversation? might be the best year.
54:23 might be one of the best years i've ever been alive for. i said y'all suck, get better. who said that? our top fragger. that dude is literally like the solo queue ist, solo queueer i've ever seen in my entire life. as soon as the bomb was planted he rotated on shift from the other side.
54:43 like just exclusively concerned about protecting his own kdr, not caring in the fucking world about whether or not we lose the round. like imagine structuring your entire strategy around maximizing the chance to be top frag for the losing team. teammate political preferences? i mean everyone playing this game is like 20 and a dude, right? so i just assume they're like straight up maga.
55:11 those guys yesterday? definitely. not everybody can be 37 white canadian and thus have the best political opinions of all time. jen, how did we get to the kamala impression yesterday? we had to get there vis a vis another impression. you did a kamala impression? yeah, but it was like we... but when i tried to do it, i couldn't do it, but someone was like, just do the impression like this and then it kind of came out.
55:40 what it was like yeah, it was mm at walsh from blood simple. that's right if i see him i'll be sure i've ever heard you laugh or at least the fastest you've ever laughed at it's so it's so good she's here
56:14 if i see him, i'll be sure to give him the message. mm hmm. like that? even if it's bad, you know who it was. i mean, i do now, because i was literally prefaced with the impression. who's doing it? i have bomb, motherfuckers. you go b all you want. i wouldn't say hold w. i would say... okay, we're holding w in this piece. how did that not hit?
56:48 i don't care about this team right now, man. we can structure a way to make this team win because i can tell you just from the way that they're playing right now, green is going to buy up every round that can afford it and go mid when they can't afford it. they're going to go scout. so how do we play around that? we will. okay, well, it's simple. we wait, they're going to buy it. if you fucking trust me, wait for them to buy scout this round before you buy or load out. look at green.
57:14 what did he buy? what the fuck did i tell you? okay, so now it's simple. we lurk until we see if he gets a pick or he gets picked. if he gets a pick, we overload mid and take a side. if he gets picked, fuck it, i guess we just lose the round. all right, i didn't see this coming. connector? good kill. i've been killed from connector. tapacania.
57:46 was it smoked or am i stupid? no, con wasn't smoked. window was smoked. oh shit. well that was probably an easy shot. damn, two on one though. i held too many. what do you think the smoke smells like man? it's just one window. i sulfur? missed me. oh my god he's crazy dude! oh shit. i turned away from the flash and still got flashed like crazy. it literally went off in your hand to be honest with you.
58:31 smoke window nova rush down fucking mid wait for the smoke to bloom one connector get him chumps flash out chiblee flash what the it hit him in the ray bans it hit him in the ray bans this will literally work aggression will literally work. you really want to do a nova rush we're getting our asses beat gotta do something it works if you get kills i'm just trying to do some like 10 incher plays, you know, i
59:10 also, i'm gonna tell your chat my profile picture is not stephen miller. you could just change it. they ask it every day. grendel smoked off. i'm going in. oh, close left. plant the bomb, plant the bomb. blue, blue, bomb, bomb. dude was on top of stairs. oh, good shot. i'm through connector, you piece of crap. con, last con. yes! take us up, take us up. oh.
1:00:03 we already did. oh you did? let's go. let's go. he smelled it. windows clear. one is in window. one crossed window to bait us. some guy with a speech impediment trying to say tomatoes. we're smoking history just dropped on connector. my bad y'all. tomatoes. cat, cat, cat. it's my fault.
1:00:43 how the fuck is he so good with the p90 bro? they got mad. they got mad. he's so good with the p90. that gun was cursed man, i was getting chased by like malevolent spirits and shit. nova rush maybe?
1:00:57 where are we rushing? i don't know. i don't like this map. i think this map gets all the heat that should be given to dust. everyone's like, dust sucks so much. i love playing it, but dust sucks. this is the map that i'm like, this map fucking sucks, bro. i used to like mirage now and i'm liking it less. i think it's very ct sided. you got me. certified 10 incher plays. one's going palace. that's our guy, never mind.
1:01:36 that's you. that's me bro. you got me. hard to be the op when you miss the first shot and then all four teammates have died by the time you get to reposition. you're kind of like, you're kind of like what am i going to do? good news is it might be done in time for another one. when the bullets are flying why are they taking a knife out man? i don't think it's a. what was that for green? what was that for?
1:02:14 holy crap, this guy is losing his mind. they planted the bomb on the b site. oh my god, dude. that guy does not miss. what the f how does this keep happening? i was in a gunfight. it's not like i was not playing aggressive. what's going on? bomb has shown itself, a. yeah, nothing b. they all bought ak down too, huh? more damage for me. literally a win for me. i did damage.
1:02:51 interesting, the first time i've ever seen stream snipers who are stream sniping to not go where i go because they're scared of me and my nova flick. highest value util of all time. i swear, i think i heard seven different burns go off. he planted his feet, you got to respect it. oh my god, we won a round! he won with one hp after getting burned down to one. holy shit, man. that's a terrible game.
1:03:36 you know when you type fast enough if you type gg the first g makes it looks like makes it makes it look like you're saying gay to all see watch this doesn't it look like the first g makes it say gay to all i see what you're saying. i see what you're saying. yeah why are you going in on yeti and chat what they do? i think yeti is an interesting idea they gotta they gotta give themselves a little more time and
1:04:10 they gotta bloom a little bit more slowly. you know what i mean? oh, oh he mistyped and said he was mega. well... oops typo. right now other teams oh they're all b! they're all b! i told you guys, i told you! motherfucker man! oh, dancing. holy shit we can do this. that was a classic example of like,
1:04:55 you get killed because the guy has 15,000 rank and then you watch him fight somebody else and he's like he can't even shoot the gun. i've never seen a more balanced team on like a closer in rank team than ours is right now. oh shit. you're not wrong. scouted his own teammate. you got bombed too kory. seven damage bro. seven damage one kill. let's see you got a kamala impression.
1:05:27 dude, smoke circle, kamala trump, obviously, theo von, hassan piker. could be a fucking vibe, man. maybe we could hash this shit out. okay, they're just killing each other on their team. i love it. war is hell, bro. bugle flash. jungle. jungle's dead. i'm playing 10 inch. con, con, con, con, con.
1:06:03 okay, you wanna go again? you wanna play one more? let's go. yeah, yeah, yeah, dude easiest 300 points. yes, dude that is a nightmare blunt rotation. i think it'd be okay as long as you just said like no politics hassan wouldn't even be able to talk
1:06:30 that's who you have a problem with in the in the kamala theo, theo at least would like he'd be telling some like fucked up stories about his like uncles or something. in the kamala trump theo von hassan smoke circle you got a problem with hassan? i didn't hear trump. i'll be honest, i didn't hear trump. i didn't hear trump. no politics. well probably damn kamala would smoke all the weed before it even got around the circle. why is that? well doesn't she love cannabis or does she hate cannabis?
1:07:03 what did she like the da for california? i feel like she's probably... yeah, which means she smokes it but she puts people in prison for smoking it, right? true, the classic hypocrite. sorry, sorry, no politics. i'm voting for her. smart, smart, yeah, yeah. mirage. oh, and then they ban ancient. yeah, they can ban ancient.
1:07:34 oh shit. why mirage? who the fuck voted against mirage? i'm sorry. i hate people who vote against dust too. i hate them. i hate them. i hate them. cause you know they're a youtube video watcher. you think i can get away with calling someone boss? my whole fucking life i've been a man guy. what's up man? hey, how's it going man?
1:07:58 yeah, i'm a man or a dude guy for sure. you think if i met someone for the first time i could get away with just being a boss guy? because i recently changed what kind of guy i am. i'm no longer a wave when someone does something nice in traffic. i'm a peace sign guy. and it felt like my heart rate got quickened the first few times i did it, but now it just feels normal. they don't know you're doing a peace sign. oh, i believe in the good in everyone, bro. no, i mean they probably just think you're putting your hand up.
1:08:30 kind of tough because i got one hand in my pocket. oh, and you're smoking a cigarette? the other one's playing a motherfucking piano. you shouldn't do that while driving. it's literally on my phone. damn. we run these streets. we run these streets. uh, it's garbage actually. oh, he shot the gun out of the air! am i crazy or did he shoot the gun out of the motherfucking air when i threw it? i was drunk, but i'm sober. yes.
1:09:03 i'm cruel, but i'm kind. yes, baby. they're on the catwalk like right, said fred. this guy's no, no, no, no, no. he's either cheating or he's insane with the people that did not happen.
1:09:26 don't say that if someone pulls up the stream and they're watching or they're playing in our game, it's curtains. nobody says curtains anymore. that's like some 1951 shit. nobody says that shit. that's kind of sick though. nobody says it's curtains, man. nobody said that since like the fucking eisenhower administration. are you cutting me off in the costco parking lot? that's curtains. 1951 costco would be crazy. oh my smoke. where the fuck did my smoke go? it's just gone. watch this. that time we did line up for him.
1:10:03 oh my god. he aced us. i know in 1951 costco is like probably in the top 10 most chat gpt generated screenshots of all time. they're always putting shit like what if costco existed in 1951 popeye movie starring stanley tucci. god my smoke missed again what the fuck. i got 17 health i'll enter. got him in the knee. good try corey good try. alright i guess flash buying didn't work.
1:10:45 i do. i have an issue with one of our teammates and it's the teammate who sees you and me go in and die and then walks in right after like they go, oh, two people died at that exact angle. let me give me a second. and then i'm going to push it. don't say that to me. that's not me. that's not, i'm the guy who just goes in and gets shot. ooh, what the fuck? going down. good. oh shit.
1:11:24 i kind of sold on our team. also, the enemy team is fucking, they're on some shit, okay? can i say that? i'm not saying they're cheating. they're on some shit. they do be on some shit. because like the first four rounds, they were nothing, man. they were straight ducky. disgusting. it felt disgusting too. it didn't make it all the way out, man. no, it's trapped in the banana. it's like when you get a fart that's like cqb instead of long range. you know what i'm talking about?
1:11:54 when you get the fart that just kind of like after you fart it like it only goes like an inch out of your ass it's like in an xcom terms like a sniper in xcom is like a straight line and then the the shotgun is like a 30 degree arc like a radian
1:12:13 one more cat some of the most satisfying farts are the ones that go long range the worst ones are the ones that just peter out as soon as they leave the crack i hate the ones that feel like they just make a bubble in your underpants and they don't go away exactly you know, you're not supposed to fart in the bathtub because then there's poop bacteria and you're kind of like swimming in it yeah, but the soap will take care of that, right?
1:12:39 i don't think they're putting any kind of antimicrobials in dove for men, bro. i'm pretty sure it's just like vinegar and good vibes. whoa! oh my god! yeah, but there's an awp her. you beat the scout, but the awp got you. i didn't know. i'm gonna get their best player suicide. i'm playing like a 10 incher. uncrossed. he's killed me. their best player has killed me. i've dropped an awp suicide. no pressure, but if we don't win pistol round, i'm leaving the game.
1:13:15 long, i burned several of them and killed two. two more out long. my brother, my brother please. last two are long. my god. i'm a beagle, i'm pistol round. motherfucker man. my god. you did well. i got it. i got it. desperate times call for desperate measures. i think this is the shit they were using in terminator 2 man. steps tons. one's there. one's there. one's there.
1:14:11 literally, i'll be i'll be motherfucker man. you got the one though, right? i got mine yeah, that's something's not right man. i'm telling you something's not right. this one guy with the deagle is crazy i don't understand why he's better with the deagle than every other gun. it doesn't make any sense that's how you know, this guy's relatable when the second guy walked out he shot in between the two of them this is the truest shit that chats ever said i
1:14:48 that sucks for me. the smokelers? fucking christ, man. it's a fucking war zone out there, man! yeah, that sucks. oh my god! the hell was that, man? did one of us guys have a negev? what the fuck was that? he just buys it every round.
1:15:20 i'm realizing this is the downside of playing a game that people have played for like 20 years is that they literally just get bored and they go, i'm gonna see what my rank will be if i just use the new game every round. i remember like we had our daughter, so i would be like she would be like a little baby in her rocking chair. so i'd be bouncing the rocking chair and i'd be i have like
1:15:40 seven seconds of free time a day, play a game of rocket league and then i queue against or have someone on my motherfucking team that's called like i only drive in reverse and you're like might as well just turn my fucking xbox off. a teammate has abandoned the match. nah man i gotta play this one out i'm afraid. alright, good stream. okay.
1:16:05 the other guy is fucking ass. he doesn't know how to fucking play. he said that's fair. most time alive. 12 minutes is a pretty good indication of how that one went. did i see? i may have voted to surrender accidentally. oh, my god. all right, man. have a good weekend.
1:16:38 it's not like you deprived us of a lot of good gameplay probably. that is fucking funny though. all right, no one cares. that's fine. i'll send you over to my wife's stream. have a good weekend. goodbye. we like to farty. we like, we like to farty. i've got something to smell ya. i've got toots for you. gonna put some meals in motion.
1:17:08 get ready cause i'm stinking poo hey now, hey now, hear what i say now flatulence is just around the corner short people got no reason to live they got fucked up feet, fucked up eyes they walk around telling great big lies they got decroted noses, fucked up little teeth
1:17:41 they walk around going beep beep beep, well i... but then it's... short people are just the same as you and i. a fool such as i. ... our brothers until the day they die. it's a wonderful world. short people got small penis. short people got poo penis.
1:18:10 sure people got really bad sense of style they got no soul, they got no hair they walk around with the burp burp burl well i... fuck you randy i can't take this anymore seein' all the things we should eat for
1:18:44 all these thoughts they make no sense i found peace in ignorance let's see you here unless you say over and nowhere again knows all the words? yeah, because i was in eighth grade when the shut up what i'm talking to you song came out shut up! wicka wicka woo shut up! wicka wicka woo shut up what i'm talking to you! shut up! wicka wicka woo
1:19:12 i kind of want to listen to it now though. i do kind of want to listen to it now. i love it when you suck me like that and when you close you give me the shivers two three and baby we're gonna go till i split your crack and when you see the party's over then you throw it right back or something. was i close? he doesn't say that? he says something like that.
1:19:38 you make me feel like i'm living a teenage dream the way you suck me off, i know and don't ever look baby with your ripped up jeans and your skin tight jeans and your teenage jeans tonight that's a banger too but you didn't have to suck me off
1:20:03 put my underpants down and throat my member but you didn't have to bite it off and spit it out and get me feel so low what? something like that? i didn't write the song dude, it's something like that, okay? leave those parodies to justin i still think about it every time i hear the song which is like every 80s ride on peloton
1:20:28 john cougar mellencamp's jack and diane. sucking up chilly dudes inside the morgue's deep freeze. jack's wearing a winter coat. he's got a pillow underneath his knees. let them rock, let them roll. let the bible belt come and save my soul.
1:20:50 i think about your pisses on my lips like all the time. because your piss, your piss is on my lips. because your piss, your piss i can't resist. because your piss is on my lips. when i turn out the lights. i have vanessa carlton's song stuck in my head except it's
1:21:15 suckin' a dick downtown, suckin' fast, station's past and i'm homebound. and i throat you. i don't know why i'm using throat. i guess because you need a lot of synonyms for suck in order to make the song feel clever. and i piss you. your diaper's full?
1:21:38 but baby it's cold outside there's shit in your pants but baby it's cold outside you smell like a poo i really would love to do so much more please buy some boxers at the store your white pants are turning brown sir
1:22:03 baby there's poo inside. whatever, we'll just run. mine and crap. i got a beach house on an island. place down blocks of diamond. notch apples for dinners. mobs gonna be hiding. jump on the minecart track. put some powered rails on it. anything you want. i can dig, break, and mine it. you deserve a diamond. you deserve it all.
1:22:32 notch apples shining so bright minecraft boat racing on ice diamonds in gold that's what i mine, that's what i mine diamonds in gold that's what i mine, that's what i mine you know this one apollo?
1:22:49 i will never dig straight down cause it'll kill me i promise when you mining that's a guarantee you know what i'm talking about? nick drake minecraft songs please beware of mobs that scare they'll only moan to see you groan in your house at night gonna see the enderman
1:23:13 gonna find out all his plans. catum can, catum catum can, catum something like that. or stealing blocks. if he steals all he finds, i might look him in his eyes. don't suppose my design will survive.
1:23:48 okay, everybody just go on pink wool is pissing me off. he's got other songs. okay? hello. hello. just enjoyed a submarine sandwich bono if he's sold out. hello. hello my foot long tuna roll with all ingredients they love to throw but it's you where the meats have no names where the meats have no names
1:24:13 i just know that they're made out of pork made out of pork subway bloody sunday subway bloody subway it totally works man i believe the news today
1:24:35 they gave us five dollar subs then took them all away yeah, dude, it'll i mean it writes itself i guess that's a fucked up thing to say when i'm the motherfucker stealing your writing but so from my perspective it definitely seems like it's writing itself in the name of sub yeah olive in the name of sub to be placed on my sub one more olive to be placed on my sub
1:25:08 something strange sitting in your gut who you gonna call? dad's subway! an invisible sub going in your butt oh, who you gonna call? dad's subway! i didn't order no sub. that's so true. man who works at subway
1:25:40 i place the meats my customers ask and then yous come in he places the meats his customers ask subway, i'm listening by the way, subway canada at least i am a man of cheese and mayo now you're talking, now you're fucking talking gay bob dylan, you'd be like he sucks cock just like a man
1:26:08 oh, he got gox just like a man. the last one to be like, yes he does. he gusses cum just like a man. plug his mic in. woody guthrie at the fucking newport folk festival? don't do it, bob. don't go gay. i'm doing it. what's up with my bawls? you touch my bawls?
1:26:35 i'm sorry that did what we did knew dick and you bob dylan went gay you ain't gay that's so true gay bob dylan a man in me would do italy any ass then there's i mean
1:26:59 it writes itself after that point, it's so true. my girl going through my phone, um, what the hell is this? titled, gay hurricane? pissing cum ring out in a gay night and i'm my boyfriend from the upper hall he gets me a glass from a bowl of cum shouts out my god, i've cum a lot here comes the story of the hurricane
1:27:27 i'm not gonna say it, it's a different song! it's a completely... it's a distinct song, okay? it's like instead of the song sarah, it was like about... daryl? daryl! daryl! grecian type statue with a hell of a cock daryl! daryl!
1:27:54 now that you got me, you don't need a sock, something like that. first time chatter? does this streamer ever talk about the game? you must be new here. most astute twitch streamer, you must be new here. it's rare to witness a type a chatter being born.
1:28:14 lightning crashes, the moderators dies. the confusion levels hands and go down through the new chatter down the hall. oh, my streamers ranting once again. you know what i'm saying?
1:28:36 the confusion levels heads. the confusion is a doobie level in heads. see the glory of the high, high. the fetus opens her eyes.
1:28:54 the confusion sets in and gives birth to the fetus down the hall. oh, my fetus setting in again like confusion. thunder leveling heads put the fetus at the center of the setting in.
1:29:19 pale blue colored eyes confusion sets in to the angel down the hall i know what you're saying. that's dude. that's a classic from the 90s. that's a 90s classic without a doubt yeah, i was thinking about gay bob dylan today. you know, i would not feel so all alone everybody must get they'll bone you and you try to drive your car. i
1:29:49 they'll bone you when you're sitting at the bar. they'll bone you when you won't give up your seat. they'll bone you and then they'll shoot some ski. but it would not feel so all alone. everybody must get boned. boooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
1:30:26 pink balls are on my face all of you suck my balls pink dick's gonna suck em all it's pink tips, pink pink pink pink pink pink tips take a look you may see them on the ground there's a pair of guys that i'm going down something like that? this would have saved him probably
1:31:01 just got circumcised in mozambique and got a nipple piercing too there's many kinds of fucking freaks that want to suck my teets in mozambique and maybe they're men you would like to meet let's go out in my cockpile off
1:31:29 i can sing about a ticking clock, santa. i sucked a cock, i sucked a cock for you. and i swallowed two. and it was all yellow. oh no, never said it was an orgasm. said he swallowed. you guys like peter gabriel?
1:32:00 of course. in your ass i am complete. in your ass, in your ass my pain is sleeping. in your ass. for all my semen, for all my cum. i can feel you coming in my hair tonight. wait for it, wait for it. oh no. oh gourd. and i've been waiting for this semen all my life. where is your member?
1:32:35 and the penis is slow, it's different for you and me. do you remember the 20th time you sucked my member? we were breaking the confines of gender and sucking the night away. you can't hear it because i woked it. i woked it. millions of diamonds, so true.
1:33:06 diamonds come from a mine, i go mining all the time in my mineshaft down below if i had my little way, i'd mine diamonds every day blue sparkling gemstones in the enderman moving to a new base, gonna need a bunch of diamonds
1:33:31 i'm moving to a biome, i gotta mine a bunch of d dude! all the problem with the minecraft parodies isn't that they suck. it's that they're all from one generation of music. if we could get some 90s fucking minecraft parodies, i'd be all in all over again. i need gold and diamonds, yeah!
1:33:56 who's that making mysterious hisses in my direction? mama, this shirley is a creeper. yeah, mama, this shirley is a creeper. good work. wood door swings. the grass waves. like herobrine, she creeps across the floor as the record plays. okay, one second, yeah. cobblestones looking kind of mossy.
1:34:30 yeah, my glowstone keeps my house so glossy i can't go down this time, i just need to mine pray on my airplane, pray on my airplane my god is there, my god is there i feel like i'm reborn
1:35:07 i feel like i'm reborn. and you gotta keep it in there. kicking and screaming. you wanna read my scripture. you wanna read my scripture. i go to parties and sleep on the floor. i go to windows but only my doors.
1:35:36 they think i'm crazy but i have a good time life ain't good to me so far that one john lennon song about women women, i want to be a woman i got the feeling of love yeah, you're talking to me you see right through me you got the visions of love that one, he's a woman you know what i mean? that's not what john lennon sounds like
1:36:06 you've got to set me free, yeah!