the primer of music videos - Bits and Banter [04⧸30⧸2026]

Name: the primer of music videos - Bits and Banter [04⧸30⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-05-03
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "the primer of music videos - Bits and Banter [04⧸30⧸2026]" — 153 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-05-03

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0:00 rem poster, what do you think about the great beyond? i always saw it. i think it's a pretty good song but i also think that it's sort of just them making man on the moon to like man on the moon is is such a good rem song then i feel like the great beyond was like we need a hit
0:18 that's right, you can't reply to me except in rem lyrics. which i fucking respect by the way. i respect that you don't break character till the dvd commentary. french cinema? nah, today i did spanish cinema. i watched golden balls. i thought that this was a movie... i saw it on the criterion collection and said, javier bardem, benicio del toro.
0:43 margarita de la madeiros. surely other people have seen this movie. i can't wait to talk about it with them. and then i watched it and i logged it on letterboxd and it's got nobody has reviewed it in history. so nobody knows what the fuck i'm talking about when i say nah, man, nah. i mean, i didn't like the guy, but you hate to see that.
1:03 it's all right. i mean, i definitely would not... like the last four movies or something like that, i would definitely recommend watching to stay up on the lore, the northernlion lore, but you don't need to watch golden balls. it's just fine. it's not bad. it's 90 minutes, but it's not... it's unessential viewing. let's put it that way. does javier show balls? no, he shows a lot of chest, which is enough for some people.
1:26 doom generation kind of sick. oh really? it's kind of sick that they iced that convenience store owner for nothing? for charging them $6.66 for $4 worth of food? it's sick and bro was still talking after his fucking head popped off? well he was pretty old. dumb and dumber ass.
1:48 hey joe rogan to the left. what's your next 30 max 30 wattage? i don't want to answer. i would normally answer but your name is cycling jake cycling of course related to biking and then jake is like isn't that like 1930s slang for like a detective or something like that. you're a damn bike cop man. what is it dog? fuck. i don't know check librarian. can you check my 30 minute peloton pr is probably like 200 and
2:17 55 to 265 watt? 30 second? i don't know man! i mean for the little 30 second wattage! come on, i thought you were a cyclist man. i don't know my 30 sec... i don't have the damn bike computer with the... i've seen people... they spend more time analyzing their data than they spend pushing the damn pedals.
2:39 not to offend literally everybody else in the peloton discord except for myself, but i hop on the bike, i push the pedals for a minute, i go, how am i feeling today? that informs the rest of the run. or the rest of the ride, i should say. everybody else? my trainer wrote ai, says that i'm over trained, so i'm not allowed to ride the bike today.
2:58 my trainer rode ai and my hrv data from my smartwatch have told me that i might be overtraining a little bit too much so i should take a day off or spend the day in zone one. none of us talk like that. that's how you sound in my head anyway.
3:11 i want to defend your defense of the karen haircut and say if it was dyed green or purple motherfuckers in your chat would risk it all. source, i did it in 2011. i said 2011. 2011 been happily married ever since. you didn't say marry but that's i inserted that there. i apologize by the way but no dude i let me see
3:35 the karen haircut ain't so... dude, it's not bad. now i was joking, if i may. i was joking when i was referencing kate gosselin because that is really bad. i'm not fucking with the kate gosselin. but like the 90s, like your mom's friends haircut,
3:55 not the one with the... okay, so now i'm just judging individuals here because i'm looking at google images. not the two tone one where it's like a pinwheel of two different colors and one of them is like copper and the other one is like platinum blonde. no, no, no. not that. the streaks have to be... it's got to be a little bit more tasteful. like that's... i'm looking at it now. that's too much. some of these are pretty good, man.
4:23 maybe i don't like karen haircut. maybe i like pixie bob.
4:27 i typed in karen haircut and i got exclusively pictures of kate gosselin and then i typed in pixie bob. we got emma stone, winona ryder, a lot of ai generated individuals for sure. a lot of individuals who are not real. almost exclusively pictures of individuals that are not human beings. it has been a while since i've used google images, man. dear northernlion, please say bitcoin. bitcoin! the audience boos.
4:56 sucks! the audience erupts in outrageous applause. cock! the audience is very confu some of the audience is cheering. some of the audience is silent and a large part of the audience is confused. well! everybody stands up and they're they're crying. they're they're exalted. no one has ever spoken truth to power like this before.
5:25 guys, i can't stop winning slay the spire 2. i don't want to spoil every youtube video for you, but here's how every single youtube video of slay the spire 2 that i've recorded this week is gone. i start the run, i lose on the first boss, i restart the run, get a random rare where i go, i don't even know what this card does. i have absolutely no idea what this card does and i think it sucks and it doesn't do anything and then i win easily.
5:53 i play the card that i got from my... i go up against the doormaker and i go, there's no way i'm gonna beat this guy and then i just beat him. the ironclad has made it to the top? like look at this shit man. i'm sitting here going like what the fuck am i doing with this one? oh wait where's the... oh the doormaker? fuck you buddy! oops died on the first boss to the vantum. go back to the... oh the defect has made it to the top? hey buddy! fuck you!
6:23 and i was going, the whole time i did the run, i went, i don't even know what this card does. i was playing it for zero, i was playing it for 200 damage, i didn't even know, to the best of my knowledge, i still have no idea what it does.
6:38 literally all you have to do in this entire game, you fight the first enemy, kill them, take the best card that they offer you from the first enemy, then only take cards for the rest of the game that have exactly the same keyword as the card that you got from the first enemy and upgrade your rares. upgrade your golds if all of your golds are upgraded, upgrade your blues if all of your blues are upgraded, rest. that's it, the end. you will win at least 50% of your runs. i'm proof positive, bro.
7:08 magic drafting is the same way? i got blackpilled in magic the gathering.
7:13 i was at a pre release for shadows over innistrad. i built what i thought was the perfect synergistic like two color deck. i don't remember the colors because it's been a while. i played against someone round one who made a quad color deck and just destroyed me, just rinsed me. and i went, how did you, why did you build quad color? and they went, i just got good cards. i got good cards. i got cards that i wanted in all four colors. so i made a four color deck and i was like, motherfucker, pissing me off.
7:44 meanwhile i'm like, should i have 17 lands or 18 lands? i don't want to get mana screwed. you would despise commander players?
7:53 i don't hate commander players. the only thing i hate is when you tell someone you don't really like magic the gathering and then they say, oh, you've never played commander. and then you explain, no, i have played commander. i was the fourth one, the guy who got eliminated 15 minutes in and then had to sit there and politely kibitz the entire game while they spent like another 110 minutes deciding who eventually is going to win. what colors did you like to play in magic? i don't want to tell you because you're going to be like, there's your problem.
8:23 i'm an izzet head, man. even when it's bad, i like to play blue red just because there's spells and those spells trigger enchantments and those enchantments let you draw and those draws let you peek and those peeks let you scry and every time you scry and you put something on the bottom you put another token on your enchantment and then when you take the tokens off your enchantment you get to scry like it's
8:50 and then at the end of your turn you're like, okay my turn was nine minutes long i did two damage and then i scoop, i scoop, i'm dead. you hear about this red button blue button shit? yes i have. but i don't fully understand the i guess the societal context of red button blue button. my limited understanding of red button blue button is that it serves as a signal for what kind of individual you are in society.
9:21 red button is logical. why wouldn't you press the red button? the red button, if everybody pressed the red button, no one would be harmed. blue button is i love my fellow man.
9:42 red button's the only answer. i try not to get sucked into this stuff anymore because i see it as kind of like an ethical version of like 98% of kindergartners can solve this math problem but only 2% of adults can do it, which is basically almost always just an ambiguously written mathematical expression that for some reason uses the divide symbol instead of putting the whole thing like over what they're going to divide it by. but
10:09 but the dress, okay, the dress is fucking white and gold. that one i'll lay my fucking foot down. the dress is white and gold. i don't care if it's literally blue and black. the picture is not blue and black. the picture is white and gold. i'm not falling for decades old bait. you're gonna fall for it and you're gonna like it, okay? see 15 cards from the regent. choose any number of them to add to your deck.
10:38 i mean it's that's fucking funny. ring of the what? yeah we don't take this bro, we'll take ring of the kendrick actually. although to be honest that extra draw is pretty nice. so can i say something? youtube gets mad at me when i win runs on twitch so we should just take noble glass and then if we win we'll be like what do you want me to do bro? they gave me they gave me noble glass. i had to take it. two cards in your draw pile becoming minion dive bombs is probably literally good.
11:12 i mean, kingly kick with a ton of draw maybe? okay, bombardment if we had any way to ex well, no, i don't know. if we could make it sly or something that would change the story, but i do think charge is okay. anybody else got something they like here? it exhausts itself? yeah, for three fucking energy, bro. spectrum shift becomes one cost on upgrade? okay, you know what? and powers enable the ring. so i think you've got a case to be made there.
11:42 beat into shape in a shiv deck seems interesting because it could conceivably create a sovereign blade that could easily be forged like, i don't know five or six times. it's at least it's interesting. now was that like the best strategic option? no, absolutely not. but like, welcome to zane, bro.
12:09 brian johnson tweeted out that he ate his wife's pussy. any thoughts? um, my thought again, not being on twitter, um, but knowing that brian johnson is the vampire immortality guy, please tell me that he spun it into a way to like teach a lesson about, uh, uh, business to business sales. please tell me that the lesson was like, there's peptides in the, in the pussy juice or something like that. nope. it literally just says,
12:38 i ate her pussy good night. oh no no then it says this is her vaginal microbiome report 100 out of 100 score. her sample is dominated by the single most protective bacteria species of vagina can host lactobacillus crispatus. crispatus? only about 25 to 30 percent of reproductive age women globally are l. crispatus dominant and dominant usually means above 50 percent she's at 98.7 percent
13:03 that's like the new version of the kevin smith sex tweet, but even less cool. he literally said my wife's pussy is platinum. her pussy score is off the chart, man. i mean, the way, listen, he knows what he's doing. i hope for her sake at least, but it does kind of sound like he's going like, no, babe, yeah, babe, your pussy's infested with bacteria, but
13:31 it's fucking it's the best bacteria that a pussy could be infested with. yeah, your pussy stank. it stank good. pussy's so good it improved my sleep score, hun. babe! nah, she probably a freak too. i mean, she married him. not to like vancouver post. chat always informs me about celebrity deaths and i always get mad about it. and please, by the way, the man just died. so don't don't go say, who?
13:59 who? nobody fucking told me that john garrett, the legendary canucks color commentator died? i was live the whole day. i had to find out randomly watching hockey night in canada. i thought someone told you? no one told me, bro! one of the best to ever do it. absolutely, man. we were afraid to tell you in case you shouted at us. okay, well there might be some validity to that, but...
14:28 it just surprised me because i was like, when i saw the news, i was like, this news is fake because somebody would have told me but nobody told me. cardinal official came to my school. i don't want to hear shit about this. we have a cardi house. i saw cardinal official play the festival of lights in vancouver, which is a beach fireworks show. and i'm telling you, bro,
14:52 worst concert i've ever seen in my life. i think if you're from toronto that might be your dude but literally all he did was play like half of his songs stop and then say like shout out to the toronto raptors. we were like buddy. nobody cares. we're like 5,800 miles away from toronto right now. i mean like we're we're rooting for him i suppose but at the same time like we we don't care man. i
15:18 you haven't gone to a bobby concert? okay, cardinal official was the worst concert i've ever seen full stop. the bob dylan concert was second worst for sure, but i would see him again in a heartbeat. i'm literally going in july pull the fuck up. yeti, that's literally awesome. you're kind of living my dream to be honest. all we could do with finesse is draw something we don't want to not be able to play. that's amazing. we got to transform an entropy became panache, which is zero cost.
16:02 we're definitely gonna play a skill or are we just gonna go, oh, skill is blade of ink and then an attack and an attack and an attack. i'm sorry, i don't know what you want me to say. okay, we locked in on the fight, but also you can't be mad. we memed it up and said see 15 cards from the regent and still easily did it, man. we basically threw the second act. you can't be mad.
16:40 the 6 hp literally mattered. i mean, honestly, you know, old people stay winning. that's all i'm going to say. you got a college degree and slay the spire too? okay, congratulations. i have 4,000 hours in it. i lose. i have such a capacity for losing, you wouldn't even understand. you would have quit or put your credit card info in years ago. years ago. did he win? i had to poop?
17:09 nobody tell him. punish him for his unavoidable bodily functions. did you have a good poop? so i know like you're not talking to me, but i've been having the best poops lately, man. once i got back from vacation, i got back on the metamucil train slower than i should have. but now that i'm back on it, it's actually... i cannot stress for you enough. even if you didn't believe me about the philips oneblade and you thought it was like a ghost sponsorship or something like that, the metamucil thing is not
17:40 a bit. and it doesn't have to be metamucil, it could be any kind of fiber i'm sure. and maybe psyllium husk, but the metamucil is readily available in like all grocery stores and pharmacies. it will save your life. if you combine metamucil and frozen fruit and vanilla protein powder, you make the best frozen creamsicle smoothie. no disrespect, you sound exactly like my mom. in fact, i shouldn't even say no disrespect. i should say respect. you sound like one of the most important women in my life.
18:10 but that genuinely is kind of an insane sentence. it's an unbelievably mom coded sentence. you slurping the metamucil drink? don't call it a drank, okay? metamucil and lean are two different things. vtubers cover your ears. i'm drinking, i'm putting the powder in the water and i'm going... and i'm scowling like a bartender at a bar that sells mojitos when you order a mojito.
18:38 by the way, a new ragebaits subreddit dropped that i did not know about, but my discord let me know about it. are you guys familiar with r slash barista? i don't want to put r slash barista 2 under the gun because what happened is that my chat was telling me instead of ordering a shaken brown sugar iced espresso, shaken brown iced sugar espresso, can i get a... y'all take a grande... i've lost the word order. i've lost the word order. a shaken
19:09 ice brown sugar oat, an ice brown sugar oat shake and espresso. anyway, long story short, you can actually just order a shakerado, which apparently will get you that at any coffee shop. it's not proprietary to the starbucks publicly traded corporation on the new york stock exchange. but then i googled it and there was an r slash barista post that like was like, is anyone else getting sick of shakerados? and it was like an essay. i have to give some respect.
19:36 to the r slash barista crowd because literally every single comment in the thread
19:42 was like, if your cafe sells chequerados, just make the drink and don't cry about it. and i was like, damn, baristas are actually holding the economy together single handedly. the reddit discourse used to be, i fucking hate it when someone comes into my bar that advertises that we make mojitos and orders a mojito. or even worse, customers that were like, i'm not like other customers. i won't order a mojito at the mojito bar.
20:09 i order a caperina instead, which is just as much work but gives me the moral high ground.
20:16 i do, i have seen girl dinner diaries. but i'm now, i'm living the most annoying life of all time, which is, i've become one of those people who believes that everything is fake online. but the thing is, i actually believe that everything is fake online now. the reason is that when i was like 21, i was like, man, people got a lot of crazy stories. there's a lot of like, there's a lot of interesting people out there. now at age 37,
20:44 i'm like, if your boyfriend was like your boyfriend of 11 years, found phone number in jean pocket of boyfriend of 11 years, you wouldn't be like, i'm going to go on reddit and post a picture of pizza rolls. you would be like, i'm going to be fucking depressed.
21:02 like i'm gonna go lay in bed and like watch some shit. you wouldn't be posting, i would like to, maybe i'm wrong on this one, but i would like to think you wouldn't be out there just like posting it for karma immediately or something like that. you would be beating his ass red with a frying pan or something. i'd have to imagine. loving the stubble, brother. thank you for saying that. this is my new normal though, is shaving on friday and not getting really, not to be the most annoying person in the world, but shaving on friday and not getting another chance to shave until the next friday.
21:32 i mean it looks okay on the camera, it doesn't feel good. i'm very much like, i'm leaving it to beaver coated with facial hair man. takes 30 seconds with the oneblade. nah man, i forget where i mentioned this so i apologize if you're hearing this for the second time. but as i've gone gray, literally like it makes my facial hair have the exact coarseness of like steel wool. so like the oneblade, it does what it can and i appreciate it for it.
22:03 but like as i try to like especially like the neck is okay, the cheeks are fine and the top of the head and the sides of the head are okay. but the back of the head and right under the chin and then like the corners where your jaw meets the neck is really tough man. doesn't it come with a special blade that cuts stubble?
22:24 are you a real shaver? this is another thing i have to point out. a lot of you are out there thinking you know shit about shaving, but you're not shaving with the same constraints that some of us are shaving with. i have steel spikes coming out of my face. if you have three wispy little hairs and you're like, my blade cuts it just fine. yeah, bro. i'm happy for you. we're not supposed to be having the same conversation, man. are you gatekeeping shaving hair, buddy?
22:51 if i didn't have male presenting nipples, i will pull the shirt up right now. but because i do, i would get banned. you don't know what the fuck you're... i got a sleeper build when it comes to hair, let's put it that way. the visible area, not that much hair. the not visible area, there's a reason we got two dyson's, let's just put it that way. didn't you get it lasered? see, this is how i know you're not real hair havers. like, my grandson, back me up here. the laser, you have to...
23:22 you have to get it done multiple times. i still need to book the second appointment. but i mean there's the problem is to book the second appointment i have to shave my back and last time shaving my back was fucking annoying man. first appointment was months ago. i mean i'm not trying to be annoying but i genuinely have been like busy and my life has been fucked up. q1, q2 has been a very interesting start to the year so far.
23:55 also, what's taking me out is you don't understand. you're saying too busy to get your hair lasered off? i don't get it. you're doing the thing. if i got my hair lasered off, you would be using that as an excuse for why i'm not busy. you would be like, oh, you're busy and yet you had time to go get your back hair lasered off. see, you've got it fucking reversed, man. correct. okay, so i've sussed you out. i proved myself your intellectual superior. now bow down. what's next on the watch list?
24:27 great question. the answer is i don't even know until i get on the bike, to be honest. this morning i watched golden balls. i needed something a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit less kino. i watched too much peak in a row. i could feel myself being like, like i'm kind of peaked out. like i got to the top of the mountain and i'm like, it's like if you got to the top of everest, you would look at k2 and be like, that's not even that tall. so i had to walk it back a little bit.
24:57 so i watched something a little weightless. i'm sorry, like i wish i could. i'm not gonna spend four bike rides to watch castration movie. that's one that's gonna have to wait until i find myself with like a five hour window. it's just, four bike rides for one movie is really tough. two on drive my car. i could do drive my car on a 180, but it's just, here's why, instead of pitting two bad bitches against each other,
25:28 why don't we just all take the opportunity to dunk on television instead? and i'm going to get a lot of minus twos here, but i'm right. so i don't care. the pit is good, full stop. but it's really tough to justify watching a whole season of the pit when one season of the pit is like 600 minutes, which could easily be
25:54 at a minimum, five movies. five different movies from different directors, from different perspectives, from different genres, etc. etc. it's a one day binge. no, motherfucker, ten hours of television is not a one hour binge or a one day binge. let's not be glib. that's obviously insane.
26:16 just remember i need to finish watching rental family. legitimately good movie that i wanted to hate because i think it would be cool to hate it but i couldn't hate it. i found it very charming. analyze the lyrics to closing time next. i saw that clip from fleets where that gen x couple who makes... i don't even know what to describe it. they make
26:39 parodies of popular songs, but all the parodies are about being middle aged. it's all about like instead of cleaning out my closet by eminem, it's always like i'm taking out the garbage and they hold like a garbage bag like right into the center of the frame. and they do a podcast and the crux of the yes, the holderness is thank you. and the crux of the podcast gimmick was like we actually listen to the lyrics of
27:06 songs that we were singing in the 90s and they played semi charm life by third eye blind is he doing crystal meth doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break what? crystal meth and we were just bopping along and they go doing crystal metal lift you up until you break you don't stop and they go what?
27:32 uh, is this song about crystal meth? yeah bro! he says the words doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break! it came out 30 years ago! how long are we gonna do this bit, man?
27:47 i'm not saying you should have figured it out the first time you heard the song, because the first time you're just going doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo and then like every other time you're going doo doo doo doo doo doo doo but like can we not be pretending that at like age 48 you're like shocked by the revelation that the song's about crystal meth when the dude says it's about crystal meth? and who is watching this man? and also it's not about crystal meth, it's about having sex on crystal meth.
28:17 so people think it's like a song that's like, oh, isn't it kind of surprising that this like poppy song is actually kind of dark? no, it's not, bro. i'm pretty sure the songs about how fucking on crystal meth feels good. i have, i've never done it. i've never done crystal meth, but it seems like for the most part, he said he's having a pretty good time until he breaks at least. iron's literally like a hundred bucks a ton. that can't be true. chat.
28:46 chad, back me up here. iron must be more expensive than that. it's like 5% of the crust? yeah, it's rare. it should be expensive. they get you on the shipping? don't even get me started, man. i know the tariffs fucked up on that. what the fuck? it genuinely is $100 a ton? guys, we should make a run on the iron market.
29:09 also, i'm sorry. there's some shit you read on the internet where i'm like, uh uh. you ever see that post that's like if you took all the gold that's ever been mined in human history, it's still like it's the size of one of the pyramids in egypt? i'm sorry. that's just not true. the pyramids are big, but like they're not as big as all the gold that's ever been mined. all the gold that's ever been mined is definitely way bigger than that. listen, okay? don't be naive. it just doesn't pass the smell test is what i'm trying to say.
29:36 you think all the shits you've taken in your life would fill a van? i'm gonna be honest with you, i think all the shits that i've taken in my life might be bigger than one pyramid. and i'm like running the numbers in my head right now to see if that's possible. but i just feel like i've been alive for what, like 15,000 days or something like that? would not surprise me if i have shit enough to fill one of the great pyramids of giza. literally no chance.
30:02 how big is the great pyramid of giza? it's what, like 200 feet tall? it's about as tall as guardians of the galaxy cosmic breakout? bigger? no, they couldn't have built it back then. you would need 320 pounds of poop per year. i'm being so real right now. if you ask me how much the average person pooped per day, i would say one pound. is that crazy? is that like 10 times more than the average person poops?
30:30 i feel like a pound of shit a day makes a lot of sense. i've done two pound poops weighing myself after. yeah, well it's not apples to apples though because you sweat a lot when you poop too. you lose a lot of water out of your pores. 125 grams to 500 grams a day? bro, 500 grams is over a pound! i was in the right ballpark! i was in the ballpark at least and everyone else is just saying go to a doctor.
30:54 go to a doctor? what? the doctor that's gonna tell me, oh you're actually completely right about this? yeah but every day i feel like a pound of shit is like not that much. the real answer is it depends. oh shut up. it depends. oh there's new nothing has nuance bro! there's a right way and a wrong way! nothing's conditional! everything's immutable! temple of the dog is a good band. uh... chat get him.
31:29 one album, andes. i mean, i feel like that's being generous. i feel like i want to call them one song andes. and i also am not 100% sure that the song is even good. you don't like going hungry or hunger strike. i like it as a time capsule of that time period in a manner of speaking. i don't consider it a sacred cow of like the classic rock genre or whatever.
32:01 respect grunge? i respect grunge, man. i was at a birthday party for my daughter's friends. information that you're going to require for this story. my daughter is five, so her friends are having their sixth birthday party. one of the kids was wearing a nirvana shirt. you know what? i looked at that and i said, respect. she loves good music.
32:23 i know some of you would have been crashing out. you would have been walking up to her going, oh yeah, what's better? what's better, nirvana unplugged or in utero? you would have been, okay, name the member of nirvana that's not kurt cobain or dave grohl. yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't know kurt novacek or whatever his name is. i don't know him either, but i'm wearing the triforce shirt. i'm not the one wearing the smiley face shirt.
32:50 when was the last time you said, isn't that right, zach? well, i didn't know. nobody told me that social media superstar, orahack watches the dolls. i have to find out second hand through of all places, my discord. i have to find out through my discord that orahack is a dolls viewer when they've posted an edit of me as ned flanders talking about fantasy football of all garish pursuits.
33:17 so i would say the last time was on monday when i was talking about fantasy football and about how my my quarterback room last year was so decroted because i had belief in anthony richardson and shadore sanders and it probably cost me the whole fucking league. i gotta start thinking about fantasy football again. last year i lost in the quarterfinals. i'm pretty sure it's because my quarterback room consisted of cj stroud, shadore sanders,
33:42 i mean i drafted anthony richards in hindsight. you can see that i'm leaving. put a high priority on for the 2025 2026 season. that was probably the last time.
33:57 well, the most recent time, certainly not going to be the last time. let's not go crazy. it became a pastime from a james reynolds. even better. dear sir, dear sir, you made the wrong sucker a cuckold. it's time to pay the piper for the pants you unbuckled and you can keep seeing my wife if the price is right or i'm telling your wife. you know what i'm talking about? that's hamilton, bro. context request, that's hamilton. i'm once again asking if you've had the szechuan ketchup packets.
34:28 a lesser streamer would go straight for the rick and morty jugular vein on that one. okay, just so you know. but can i say something? i'm gonna say the whitest shit i've ever said in my entire life. and i did every single stream this week i've said i actually think the karen haircut looks pretty good. so this is really saying something. i think that i am allergic to szechuan pepper.
34:51 as crazy as it sounds inconceivable. but i firmly believe it because every single time i have it and i love the flavor of it, i really do, i love the flavor of it, it gives me dry lips for a week.
35:08 i don't know what it is about like i even so like i went to heidi lau, i ate the malatang, it fucked up my lips for like almost a month and i was like maybe i just got sick around the same time that i had the malatang and then i went to bigway, the hot pot place like a month and a half later and i ate it and it fucked up the same spot on my lips again for like a week
35:31 this one's gonna you're gonna find this insane. i went to earl's if you're not familiar with earl's it's like a up a gastropub chain essentially it's basically like button up shirt mcdonald's right and i got a szechuan pepper noodle like kung pao noodle bowl and it gave me the same thing man i think i'm literally like
35:55 i'm starting to think i might not be chinese, i guess is the end game, which obviously is pissing me the fuck off. but it's always the same spot too. we were rooting for you. so people are genuinely like, come on man, don't say that. don't let your whiteness stop you from being chinese. take the peptides. i don't think that's going to happen. i have a peptide guy in kits. i believe that 100%.
36:23 also, that's not anti kitzilano posting. i love kitzilano. but if you were to tell me, if you were to say, if the question on family feud was top four answers on the board, name a vancouver neighborhood where you could have a peptide guy, kitz would be number one. and i ran through, i ran through them in my head. i genuinely think kitzilano would be number one. north van would be number two. and i don't know, i was thinking, i was like commercial broadway, but i was like, no, no, no, no, no. like granville woodland, no, no, no. people aren't doing peptides out there. they're doing other stuff.
36:59 i go, okay, also yale town. yes. i can see, i can see having a peptide guy in yale town. what about the town with all the shit on the ground? isn't that a nicki minaj lyric? you're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye. some shit like that. ever been to furry creek, north of vancouver? yes. twice last year. you've been to el stadio furry co i always laugh when i'm, when i'm on route to squamish and drive past furry creek.
37:25 are you still having problems with your foreskin? cameron, i was never having any problems with my foreskin. i don't know where you got that idea. i've never, i mean, yes, i'm circumcised, but i've never had any other problems with my foreskin. where do you think your foreskin is? i can literally see it. they like, not to ruin your life or anything, but they peel it back, right? they staple it to the shaft itself.
37:52 so i can, if anything, i just don't know what the outside of it looks like. i know what the inside of it looks like because i see it every day. i don't think they cut it off. i think they put a slit in it and fold it down. they def cut it off. i don't know what you got. maybe i'm not circumcised. wouldn't this be crazy if i just found that i was not circumcised after all this time? so i don't think mine's gone. i think they just like, they made it do something else.
38:24 they put it in a different spot. that's for sure. i mean, it's not like, i don't want to say normal and give anybody like a complex or whatever, but it's not default. let's put it that way. i'm not running the jonesy skin. jonesy is definitely uncut. that's what i'm saying. i don't have the jonesy. have you never watched the youtube poop? i watched the gi joe youtube poops from way back in the day. i meant the chatter. well, you should add them then. that's why the add function exists. so you can add them. add them.
38:56 can i say something by the way? you guys have to get, i got in, well not in trouble, but i got owned in the marketplace of ideas because i didn't know someone's gender in the discord. so i said to them and they said just, i'm actually he. i was trying my best, okay? i'm trying, how am i supposed to know just from username and profile pictures? so i'm trying to be safe and by being safe, you're now, you're trying to gaslight me into thinking i'm a bad individual.
39:26 he was just informing you? oh, go ahead and take his side. what's your excuse for me? i don't think you're putting evil on me that i don't believe i deserve. i don't believe i've ever done that. quick, everyone, just so we can get in front of this, everyone drop your preferred pronouns in chat right now. i will remember every single one of them. every single person in chat, drop your preferred pronouns and i will remember, i will associate them forever with your identity. okay. okay. i got him. you had your chance. never.
40:04 don't ever get mad at me. you've had your chance. refer to this clip, you had your chance. everybody else, you're good. i got you. what movie should i watch today? for an individual like you? probably the jake gyllenhaal, conor mcgregor roadhouse remake from a couple years ago. i think you would really vibe with it. fuck you. i heard it was good, man. my friend from college told me it was good. he told me it was just like a good time. 94 damage for one mana. was that wrong, george costanza voice? was that wrong?
40:47 he was in the pool. at this point, i don't want to make it seem like seinfeld is a little outdated, but at this point, everyone's familiar with shrinkage, right? you got to know about shrinkage. but the other thing you need to know is that even if there wasn't shrinkage, you can't judge a man based on the size of his penis in the pool anyway. you may not be completely familiar with the grower versus shower dynamic.
41:15 and i, to be honest with you, i'm a man and i've been a man my whole life. i'm not 100% sure that there are men out there who are showers. now, i do believe that there are men who are closer to their
41:31 turgid size when flaccid than other men. but i don't believe there are any men or many men who are bigger flaccid than hard. that doesn't make sense. how would the how would it becoming suffused with fluid make it smaller? that's thank you. it breaks the laws of physics. it doesn't make any sense. you trade off longness with girth. can i say something? i think that's cope. i think there's people out there who have
41:59 who have a long fat one. they're in our chat. they literally are 6'1", 120 pounds, and for some reason they always have like black nail polish on. i don't know the science behind it. because obviously it's not causative because then i'd be putting the nail polish on. but i don't know, it's just at some point you just have to speak from what you've seen.
42:26 ballpark number, how many dicks have you seen? i have no idea. not enough to fill a pyramid, that's for sure. it's psy every time. me when they're asking me who should win best music video at the 2012 mtv video music awards. it's crazy that you're plus two ing that. you guys are all traitors! that's when carly rae jepsen dropped, uh... uh, call me maybe. that's when carly rae jepsen dropped call me maybe. you guys are heretics. i got your ass, bro! psy is her nickname.
43:01 motherfucker. it had the biggest plot twist in music history? really? i'm still trying to puzzle out the metaphysical ramifications of call me maybe. like, what do you mean before you came into my life i missed you so bad? like, it just doesn't even... doesn't even make sense. how can... is this like a... is it like a primer thing? it's like a time travel setup? i mean, i don't know. i just kind of... to me it's like i don't like movies with plot holes songs. i'm still trying to figure it out. i thought you were a yearner?
43:32 i only gave in the mood for love a four and a half, which for a lot of people might as well be a zero. so i don't know, the jury's still out to be honest. i looked it up, the plot twist is crazy. now i gotta know, man. i gotta know what this supposed plot twist is. because for me, the number one plot twist in pop music is sk8er boi, which if you haven't listened to sk8er boi in a while, you might not realize
44:03 that she's meeting him after the show. she'll be at the studio singing the song he wrote about how your pretty face didn't see what he's worth or whatever. like it's been a minute. i don't listen to songs by clones. listen, she might be from greater napanee, but she's not a clone. okay. and now the type of guy to press the red button.
44:27 now literally i found out recently that i'm not in the streaming business, i'm in the pr business. as someone in the pr business, i have to hit the blue button because if i hit the red button and live, i still die because my life is over if people find out i hit the red button. so i have to hit the blue button. logged on because someone in a group dm mentioned you were chatting on circumcision. are you a moil? did they cut my shit off or did they just bend it back? i think they just bend it back. otherwise, why would i have
44:54 like that ridge, man. anyone here circumcised that can back me up on this one? unless people with foreskins also have the ridge just under? maybe i just gotta pull my dick out so we can figure this out once and for all.
45:11 hang on though, i gotta warm up first. i know if i'm gonna finally show hog on stream, i gotta warm up first. because i'm not going from zero to showing hog. you at least gotta get the blood pumping a little bit. hello gamers! hello! hello, bello! hello, bello! is it true that ram is getting so expensive that giga is changing her name to mega?
45:38 yes. how? what? you know, ram's gotten so expensive that i heard giga is going to be changing her name to mega. i'm getting minus twos on my side. why would it go lower? because it's more expensive to get gigs than to get megs. meega. okay, wait. meega might be the play. meega. so essentially, chat, the game is home alone.
46:07 there's one trapper who sets up booby traps in the house and then i think three bandits try to break in. yep. and the object is for the bandits to get 10 treasures and the trapper to deal 100% smash brothers damage to the entire band of teams. i literally think i just set the world record for drinking a pepsi zero.
46:32 i'll give you a little pro tip. why do you have a pepsi zero? i got it yesterday when i picked this up at dinner. but then i said i'm not gonna drink this. i'll save it for tomorrow. make for a special stream. coke zero's bad for you. pepsi zero i'm sure is fine. damn, we got ninja in the game. yeah, man. we got ninja in the game. yeah, i know how to do it. you do look like ninja. i know how to kick field goals and my wife is always bringing me sandwiches while wearing no bra. on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on
47:00 i'd ask for no bras. so funny. it's such a flex. it's such a white flex. what a cool guy. he was kind of spitting with the field goals, though, although i don't kick in the field goal with like wind and stuff like that from 60 yards away, obviously hard, but it makes no sense to me that basketball players ever miss a free throw.
47:26 people make so many excuses for tall basketball players, especially when they miss a free throw. they're like, of course he missed the free throw. he's tall. bro, all you gotta do is get the ball in the hoop. nobody's playing defense. you should be shooting 95 from the line. well, if that's true, then why did shaq suck so bad at free throws? i think, literally, i don't think he would tell you this. i think he just didn't want to put the work in.
47:49 i watched a compilation the other day of him doing his free throws and it was just like one of the most horrifying things to sit through. he got paid to do that. i think he was a hype merchant. i think literally he was like, if you just give me the ball and the key, i'll score. and when they shoot, i'll put my arms over my head and i'll get a block so i don't need to do anything else. that's why wembe's gonna be the goat. all right, all right.
48:12 you guys are in a lot of trouble. whatever. don't forget to loot your tools. oh shit! you're right, you're right. vacuum cleaner. oh, that was my vacuum cleaner. what the heck? where's my hammer then? i don't have anything! i don't have anything! oh my god, you guys aren't even in the house yet, man! they aren't even in the house yet! what are they thinking?
48:39 you're in a world of hurt. if i knew what i was doing at all. i hear a flamethrower. i see him. what's happening? you literally don't see me. you're not going to get... i hit you with a slingshot. i hit you with a slingshot. how do you feel about that? the bathtub is on the roof. guys, what happens if i die? i repeat, the bathtub is on the roof. uh oh.
49:02 the game froze? i crashed. simpikas crashed. i've taken out one of the bandits. guys, guys, i stole the bed. wow, you got one treasure. after all that time, you got one treasure? oh my god, he's here! suck him up! uh oh, you don't want the smoke! he's moving. oh my god.
49:32 you just got blown up. my god. you literally only have five minutes. you're in a lot of trouble. that's a long time. yeah. how about now? how about after you got a tornado? the toilet? yeah, come get me. come get me. there's a shock ball in here, by the way. oh my god. oh, and the tornado while you're shocked. i've closed the game somehow. i've been knocked outside of my own house.
50:06 this one's, it's gotta be that. where did it go? get over here you little twerp. and i'm out, and i'm out after that, i'm out. my god. kill him, kill him. go over here, go over here. someone dropped their back. why am i so flat? where are you going? you can't get here. why are you upstairs? what are you gonna do? you can't get here. i'm just burning clock. i'm burning clock. i got one, i got one.
50:42 what a shot dude. i'm doing it. i'm doing it. keep them distracted. okay, in our defense that was a 2v1. all right. look at me. wait, wait. this is kind of peak. this is kind of peak.
51:16 you missed what the fuck i open slay the spire too i got him i got him i got him guys. i'm getting trolled back here. i beat his ass huge all those chairs block blueberry, dude that was 25% damage, holy cow. oh
51:42 i've been knocked out. i've been knocked out. help. my god. my god. my god. you guys are in the same. come to me. i don't know where you are. get up there. we have to get out of here. where are you guys? here. i found you. find this. that. then we both kind of mid. where did you go? what?
52:15 yeah, we got we got plenty time. we got plenty time look out. oh my god. i'm coming up government. you're freaking frozen i knocked him then i got a treasure out of it. you knocked me into my second house. holy once again old news arise behind me right behind me. i got to i we just need one. oh that was crazy right what the heck? ryan's and rising here with me. he's got a tornado on me dude. oh
52:46 i'm popping off man. right here. toilet the toilet. why am i? why am i still getting it? 97%! i can't get in! there's traps everywhere dude! we had 10! we had 10! 10 dude! oh wait wait wait. how? we had 10! ryan there's something in here. the hell is this? excuse me?
53:20 yeah, enjoy this toilet. i'm gonna have three treasures while you're distracted over there, kate. i'll kite them, i'll kite them. what's this? she's burning me to death. i'm being burned to death on my little bottom. oh, i got health juice. whoa, whoa, whoa! i don't know what that did. oh, ow! no, you kicked me out! i knocked her out of the house. good, good, good, good, good. it's right in the middle of two traps. get murdered.
53:55 get murdered. get murdered. get murdered. you don't know about this movement, dude. you don't know. see that? you're about to know. kate! one treasure down. easy. i've got her. i've got her at my sights. you do. i'm on. you do that. i'll farm treasure. i mean, i'm trying to farm treasure too. i got one. i got one. i got one. i got one. huge. huge. i got her too. whoa! i deflected it. did you see that? what's that sound that i'm hearing? she's in the bookcase!
54:35 god look out there's everything flying in this room, dude run oh my god coming up to you. i'm coming up to you. well wait you need help you need help. i'm very hurt there's so many traps in here i'm getting i can't move i cannot move case is beating me up in here. oh my god. oh
55:16 it's gotta be in here. it's gotta be this room. i'm being chased by every trap in the world. it's so hard to defend this door. and it has to be that room. there's just no way. dude, every single trap that was possible, kate was hitting me with. a single bandit win, my lord? a single bandit win?
55:40 i'm going to r slash bandit trap. trapper. i got hit by one trap and then kate hit me with another trap into another trap. it was nonstop. your damage taken is crazy. it was nonstop, dude. every room i got hit by multiple traps because kate was sunlocked. it was every room. this is impossible.
56:20 are you trolling me? where are they? got one right here. freaking out, man. okay. okay. did i say it walks by default, chat? it walks by default. got one. nice. what the heck? oh, it's trapped. she's on me. what the fuck? i got thrown through a wall. oh, this stuff. okay, tommy. yeah, she knows about the dodge roll now. i see her moving different. i'm in.
57:08 you guys are getting your ass beat, huh? wait, you have four treasures already? you guys are the ghosts. yeah. we're going crazy. this room is done. i got nine. i got nine. i got nine. no! pacifica is carrying right now. oh, this little office here. she set off two traps instantly. three. a three. oh, kate's right there. she's right there. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. whoa. what happened to the table? oh, i almost got her. no. whoa! it's right here. it's right here. it's right here.
57:45 cactus cactus. i got it. i got it. i got it. i told you. damn. what happened? i was trying to read. look right, man. they don't look right.
58:14 i told you it was a fluke bro got seven treasures. my man you've asked you've asked if this is worth the $15 three times it's too early to really tell because we just started playing but it's a lot of fun maybe he's talking about a six inch cold cut combo from subway possibly these days, you know what i'm saying? yeah subway in subway inflation subway a little bit the other day i
58:41 for the first time in a long time, i walked into a subway, looked at the menu and walked out. i was so pissed at the price. i walked outside. i couldn't do it. walking in talking like ice cube. oh, hell no. not today. i ain't the one. i'm the one that ate the one. that subway's not very good. had it last night. it hit the spot. what's your sandwich of choice?
59:11 footlong rotisserie style chicken on italian herbs and cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onion, black olives, pickles, cucumbers, one line of yellow mustard. so everything's in. well, no, because i don't think the green peppers improve the quality of the sandwich, to be honest. and i don't need spinach and lettuce. i'm okay with just the lettuce. but how many people do you know that actually get like the banana peppers?
59:39 i thought apparently they're really popular according to r slash sub where they're one of the most popular topics but i find that you can go they make the whole sandwich just tastes like banana peppers so for me i'm not a huge fan but i'm coming kate i'm coming i'm coming it's insane in here is the laundry room clear i believe so oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god i'm in a i'm in a world of hurt i'm breaking the walls of the damn house
1:00:15 i'm in a liminal space, i'm in the back rooms! i'm gonna try the trip wire. yeah, yeah, sure, sure. suck me off while i'm trying to unlock the door, okay? so real swordfish coding. it's a lot like swordfish. i'm going in the other room. you guys clearly need that room to yourself. reminds me an awful lot of the movie, swordfish. hey, hey, i'm sucking you off, man. that's true, let me tell you the difference. i don't want to be a part of this room, or this team, really.
1:00:52 how many lyrics do you think you know? 15,000. is it like one per song? i'll get parkside. if we're casting a wide net or is it like all of the songs? i got ellie. that changes it. it is a good question. i don't know if i have an answer for you. i'm one of those cast a wide net kind of people so i'll say something and people will be like wow you know so much about music but i just know like one line per song you know?
1:01:18 i listen to a lot of different types of music. i listen to everything but country and rap. yeah, well, i listen to rap. i can't do country. and anything that's not in english, except for video game songs in japanese. and i said i don't listen to country, but i do listen to kid rock. but that's like two negatives. two negatives multiply to become a positive. so as long as the rap is country or the country is rap, it's okay.
1:01:47 baw with the baw? he's got some soulful stuff, man. you got any crazy lyrics from him? i've been getting but just can't get in, get in. something like that. i keep walking that thin line. you think kid rock's a guy that has it figured out? no. he's like 50 and still calls himself kid. i'm not gonna answer that question. that's for sure. you guys are in trouble now. legendary. guys, i have legendary outfits.
1:02:21 wow, that does look legendary. legendarily nerdy. you guys ever been made fun of in an online game? yep. by children calling you default andy. nope. you've never been made fun of for a default skin. usually they just say something like you sound old bro. you sound like you're 25 which is actually like it hurts twice. 25? yeah.
1:02:47 i'm gonna do jackhammer, grinder. i'm feeling a little crazy. honestly, i think a lot of guys are running that strategy these days. jackhammer, jackhammer. i would have tried this. it's a plus one, ryan. thank you, thank you. i think grinder might be another good one. yeah, because you can follow him with it a little better than you could ever. you can follow him? i think you can send them messages. no, no. not signing off on that one.
1:03:22 i like that one. home is where i want to be. i'm trying a new thing. if the joke doesn't work, sing a song by the talking heads or maybe quote like a david lynch movie really quick and get them back. it's working out. it's working out. yes, it hasn't been working. or the spacebar. wait, wait, wait guys, guys. i have to check something. and then you can also launch yourself when you're like that and then you. yep, yep, she's sus.
1:03:54 yep, yep. that's how i caught giga. oh, i should have scanned kate and then said i found a treasure. oh man. oh, stupid, stupid. lost riz. oh, that stings. riz lost. oh, baby. all right, all right. well, that's just not nice. nothing left in the kitchen. all right, i don't think there's anything in there. i think it's bottom left room. top floor, go bottom left, i think.
1:04:28 nice try kid. hey, by the way, i got i got pick up duty tonight. pog. i gotta take our daughter to the playground or she's gonna that's right. that's right. probably kill me in my sleep if i don't take her to the playground. she was pressed on tuesday when we were like it drizzled. we can't go to the playground. for real. she's like her father. she kind of catastrophizes. yeah, like,
1:04:59 we're net i waited for this fall day this always haps oh god it's gone. it's becoming a habit. it's becoming it's becoming a habit is so crazy. it is so crazy
1:05:17 she said that? i've never said that to her. dude, it's becoming a habit. that's so good. we have never said that to her. that sounds like a teacher line, like probably a teacher saying that. oh, i guess she said that or it's becoming a habit? i used to have a teacher that would say that. anytime a kid would do something bad twice, they'd be like, it's becoming a habit. i'm crawling like a pipe. he was just with me. it's me. through these suburban streets. hold on, let me open that door.
1:05:47 what's going on? i take the free oh! he's he's at me outside, dude. wait, what? what the wait, what? what's going on in this household? this tub. he's protecting the tub. he's scared. oh, city, come over here! okay, not the table. you wanna come out, don't you? what's going on? yeah, come out, come out, wherever you are. guys, i'm stuck on a i bugged out on a table.
1:06:22 i didn't take any damage so don't be mad. how'd you not take damage from that? i have absolutely no idea. i dodged that buddy, i dodged that. oh, gee. right side of the house is mighty safe. i'm gonna say never mind on that. there's someone taking damage. let's go. what? can i see a stat furniture destroyed?
1:06:55 i broke every piece of furniture in the right side of the house. i would say i was the tank for that round.
1:07:14 i did get ryan with a double trap in the corner though. that was pretty good. i should have taken way more damage because you hit me with the bed once but my character model just glitched out and stood on top of it doing the fall animation for like a minute and a half. i got a new trap. is there a leak for this game? because i'm like, i'm sleek with it. no trap can hit me.
1:07:37 well, y'all, it was a great day of gaming. thank you for joining, guys. thanks for the invite. good night, y'all. good friend slop. by the way, if the devs are watching, friend slop is literally a compliment.
1:07:53 for now, i'm going to send you over to my live stream. i hope you've enjoyed the stream today. tomorrow, it's a very similar docket. i don't know what the hell we're going to do for three hours. and then after that, we're playing gamble with friends, which i think i might just, i don't know, kate puts them on the schedule and i go, yes, yes, ma'am. yes, ma'am. with ludwig and squeaks. look at that. but for now, i'll see you tomorrow. later. just off the top of the dome piece. here we go.
1:08:24 just waking up in the morning, gotta thank god. i don't know, but today seems kinda odd. no barking from the dog, no smog. mama cooked breakfast with no hog. i got my grub on, but didn't pig out. finally got a call from a girl i wanted to pig out.
1:08:41 i looked it up for later as i hit the door thinking will i live another 24 hours. i got a goal cause i got a new drop top if i had to switch i could make that ass drop had to stop at a red light with a few in the mirror now the jack can do cycle and everything was alright i got a beat from kim she can do it all night
1:09:04 we're just gonna keep going here, huh? that was like original on top of the dome. nope. no.