what working overtime feels like - Bits and Banter [07⧸06⧸2026]

Name: what working overtime feels like - Bits and Banter [07⧸06⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-07-09
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "what working overtime feels like - Bits and Banter [07⧸06⧸2026]" — 288 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-07-09

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0:00 sorry chad, the heart rate's still elevated because it was a fucked up peloton ride today because all the americans, i don't know if they're off. i don't know if they're off even though it's july 6th or if it's just maybe they ate so many burgers and hot dogs on the weekend that they have crazy glycogen stores right now. on average there are like
0:23 four people on a peloton morning ride. there were 14 this morning and i finished like sixth and i was busting ass. it was not sixth or seventh, okay? it was fifth or sixth. i understand the joke, but it was not sixth or seventh. it was fifth or sixth. i'd have to go check. how did you like minions and monsters? there's a weird, i don't know how to describe the cultural impact of minions and monsters.
0:47 i've never had a problem with the minions, mainly because i think i've never seen a movie that they've ever been in. but then, minions and monsters, it's kind of like a perfect storm. my kid has been watching minions clips and enjoying them, and then also, minions and monsters got good reviews. people were like, oh, it's a heartfelt love letter to movie making.
1:11 so i said, you know what? i'll take my kid to see minions and monsters this weekend. we took the whole family to see minions and monsters. it fucking sucks, man. it is not good at all. and it's not the minions. the minions are okay. i'm not going to be mad at the minions for behaving in a manner that is befitting their nature.
1:30 but the movie itself, and this is where the snake starts eating its own tail, the movie itself is just puerile. and then people go, yeah of course it is, it's a movie for kids. okay, then why are so many 25 year olds without kids giving it like four stars on litter box, man? and then saying like, this is, this movie's so good. it's so crazy to me. like i, honestly it did crazy damage to the aura of 25 year old cinephiles.
1:57 because it'll literally be like the last two movies they've watched are la jainé and it's got five out of five and they're saying claire denis is my favorite director. and then the next review is four and a half minions and monsters.
2:08 i think it's insane to me. i've got to remember, like, i am 37, 25 year old movie critics. i can't be taking their opinions seriously. they're still children. god bless! honestly, i wish i could tap into that inner child. remember what it was like to have that kind of whimsy when the minions are going on screen going,
2:28 but they're not uh you can't take their reviews seriously like if you're if you're looking at letterbox then going whoa this is at like a 3.6 out of five or something like that maybe i should give it a try no this is not the this is not the minions movie that transcends this being illumination studios cotton candy for little kids
2:49 not good. don't waste your time. also, the person who sold me the concessions did recognize me and then they left a comment that said, i'm the guy who recognized you at the concession. sorry you didn't like the movie. i meant what i said in my reply when i said the popcorn was peak. the popcorn was good as fuck. i don't know if you were in charge of everything related to the popcorn. obviously, you're not putting the seed in the ground and harvesting it, etc., etc. but the popcorn was crazy good.
3:18 it is no toy story 5. i mean, toy story 5, kids movie, good for all audiences. minions and monsters, kids movie, good for kids. the kids were losing their mind. and the audience, i will say, i don't know how much money minions and monsters made, but my theater was at least
3:38 92% empty. there were five rows that had people in them and every row was just one family sitting a row away from another family. so there was probably like less than 25 or 30 people in the movie theater. i wouldn't be able to handle getting recognized just walking around eating sandwiches and stuff. well, you're not going to give up eating on sandwiches, you know, unless you're like howard hughes. so you just kind of got to get used to it. i got recognized at the pharmacy on friday buying metamucil. what are you going to do?
4:06 you know, i always like to lampshade it. i held it up and i said, and you've seen me buying metamucil. and they went, yeah, the metamucil. they said something like, yeah, the fiber stuff or something like that. like they were trying to, they tried to meet me halfway on my joke that didn't land at all, which i really appreciated.
4:25 one time i was at cvs buying constipation meds, i ran into hayes davenport and threw the meds into the shelf so he wouldn't see them. but it was way weirder that i did that. wait, wait, wait, libby, i gotta figure out how i feel about this so i have to look up hayes davenport. oeo's hollywood handbook! okay!
4:49 davenport attended harvard university. okay. lots of people attend harvard university. oh, in addition to his career, davenport is a homelessness activist helping and advocating for people experiencing homelessness. this guy, honestly, i think that he's really high on his own supply. i didn't say boo hoo. i just didn't say boo hoo. either he went to harvard, he's got a philanthropy and activism section on his wikipedia.
5:18 come on, man. he advocates for people to experience homelessness? average streamer reading comprehension? whoa, whoa, whoa. average harvard elite advocating for people to experience homelessness?
5:33 nah, he seems cooler than me. i can't deny that. oh, he's also appeared as a contestant on the game show jeopardy. oh wow, wow, wow. oh, and he's got a full head of hair. would you look at that? he's got like the... it looks like he grows the hair that they transplant onto richard branson.
5:52 he has richard branson's hair but on like an appropriately aged face instead of on a face that is like 45 years too old to have hair like that. damn the heart rate is not coming down man. i will say the other thing in case you thought i was putting on airs about minions and monsters, i sent a message to the content creator discord with a screenshot
6:17 my heart rate hit 40. about half an hour in the minions and monsters, my heart rate hit 40. i mean, two stars might be generous given that i got a vibration on my wrist that basically said, are you alive? and then someone said it's the first zone negative one workout. i actually think that it might be awesome for recovery. if you have a really hard workout, put on minions and monsters, go see a doctor. how about they just make a good movie?
6:44 how about you guys stop lying about it being good? it's not good. and it's certainly not great. did trey parker do the cartman voice? yeah, yeah, yeah, 100% trey parker. trey parker basically just did the south park voice the whole time, which is understandable because that's his voice. i mean, you don't hire him to not do the south park voice. that's like making a movie about an animated dog who thinks he has superpowers and then getting mad when he talks like the baby from look who's talking. like, it just doesn't work, man.
7:12 marmaduke always next to doonesbury? i owe the doonesbury guy an apology. as a kid, i was reading the funny pages and i was fucking with every shitty comic except doonesbury. doonesbury would be saying some shit about like, it would be a fake radio show where strom thurmond says something ridiculous, which is only a slight distortion of the ridiculous shit he said when he was fucking alive. and i would be like, this doesn't, i don't
7:39 i don't fucking get it at all. i'm nine years old and canadian. i don't understand what this... i understand zitz. zitz is about a teenager and then his mom is like, come down for dinner and he's like, no, i'm not hungry. and then like the next comic is him going like, the next pNL i should say is him going,
8:02 and then the third pNL is him with the bowl up to his face and there's like a tornado coming out of his mouth because he's eating the food so fast. and then his mom goes with like a thought bubble. and he said he wasn't hungry. that's universal comedy right there. that was something, even at age nine, having never experienced teenage life, that was something i could understand. doonesbury made no effort at all to meet the nine year old sense of humor in the middle. okay, that's gary oldman.
8:37 and then i feel like it might, oh, i was gonna say it might be mikey madison. honestly, it kind of works, it kind of works. in 1975, this fast food chain with over 5,000 locations introduced onion nuggets, a product that preceded one of their now staple products. in canada, a&w are the onion ring kings.
9:05 but apparently that's not the case in the united states. also, that would be like a hundred a&w's per state. i don't know if that's even possible. other places that have onion rings? i feel like maybe burger king has onion rings? no, not burger king. outback, no, outback has... i guess outback could have 5,000 locations worldwide. there's a lot of like, you know, japanese train stations. matcha.
9:36 tinder box. okay, wait, wait, wait. bumblebee tinder box starts with a dating app. i have no idea what the other one is. match. i do know what the other one is. starting with dating apps. oh, you got me feeling emotions. deeper than i've ever been though. earthquake pills is crazy. what is it? but like earthquake pills, iron bird seed.
10:10 rocket skates, these all seem very strange. wait, these are things that orbit around the nucleus. wait, this is not true. but like solar system, atom and no dna does not orbit around a nucleus, bro. are you are you silly? things that have a high magnitude when they explode. things that are measured in megatons. revelation, revelation shocker bombshell.
10:43 thunderbolt. this is a surprising secret or something. stunning news, okay? things that start with a bang. i guess the solar system didn't really start with a bang. rocket skates, iron bird seed. i have absolutely no idea. is this shit that they mention in the song tnt by acdc? tnt, rocket skates, earthquake pills, done dirt cheap. solar system.
11:16 like the solar system and an atom have a dense center that is orbited around by other things. i don't know if i've mentioned this before. things associated with big bang. things associated with a big bang. really? i'm so unbelievably stumped and usually connections gets easier after too. iron bird seed. i just have a feeling like maybe all this is from minecraft, man.
11:50 acme rocks used by wile e. coyote! solar system dna volcano atom? science fair subjects. oh, science fair subjects. the atom? the hell are they doing an experiment on the atom in the fifth grade, man? what kind of fifth grader has access to like a scanning electron microscope? they just do a model of the atom?
12:23 is this, it's a science fair you don't do experiments? is this where i find out we did things a little different? i'm not necessarily saying better. all of our science fairs were experiments we designed and did. that's why when i was doing my science fair project, my hypothesis was if you fed plants milk or pepsi, they would grow better than if you fed them just water.
12:48 because it has calories. and then i tested it over a period of four weeks and it turns out plants prefer water. the pepsi they still grow a little bit, the milk they do not do well. the milk it like yet the soil gets all moldy and the plant does not it does not enjoy growing up in a milky environment let's put it that way. i still remember when we
13:15 found out that like one of the kids dads was like a crazy engineer. we had a combined seventh grade and eighth grade class and one of the seventh graders, and all of our projects were like, you know, if you jump, if everybody in the school jumps up and down at the same time does it register on a seismograph or something like that? but this seventh grader designed
13:40 an elevator that worked off of like recaptured methane gas from human waste in the sewer system. we were like, okay buddy, you're literally 12 years old, like what are you talking about? by the way, just to be fair, in sixth grade we had to do sewing to make paper mache puppets. like the heads were paper mache and then we had to sew cloth bodies so we could put on a puppet show that we wrote ourselves.
14:10 my mom sewed the shit for me. i'm in the sixth grade. i'm not gonna... like that's... i get what my teacher was trying to do, don't get me wrong, but like i decided i was gonna sidestep that whole one. could you do it now? no, because i didn't do it back then. i wish i had done it. i wish i had done it back then.
14:28 so all i'm trying to say is that occasionally your parents do do your homework for you. yeah, yeah, yeah. because you hit your parents with a gamble which is like, hey, i'll probably get like a d on my transcript if you don't do this for me. and they go, okay, fucking fine.
14:41 you ever tell your parents about a project that was due tomorrow at 10 p.m.? i have indeed, but you know what? it runs in the family. my mom told me, i swear this story is true as i know it, because she told it to me like maybe less than a month ago. she said that when she was in like the middle school, like fifth to seventh grade, her teacher gave her a project was you have to build a ship in a fucking bottle, which is unbelievable for the teacher to do that.
15:10 for one. but this was like literally probably like 1978 or something like that so the rules were different back then and she didn't do it and then she told her dad at like dinner time the night before that she had to build a ship in a bottle and have it to school
15:27 by the morning and her dad built her a ship in a fucking bottle overnight. like he didn't sleep. he built the ship in the bottle, gave it to her. she got it graded, brought it home. and i was going to say to this day, but we're actually estranged from this particular gentleman. but when i was a kid, he was still displaying the ship in the bottle in his house. he did decide to go beast mode on it. collar is like, it's really tight, man.
15:58 the collar is really, really tight. have you noticed this? i think it's sailor moon. i think the website doesn't work. weekend of october 26, 1990. all i'm saying is we got a lot of dolls. so the audacity of a doll to go down during... because i spend 99.5% of the day not playing the dolls. when a doll goes down twice in a row when i'm playing it, i start to wonder if it's me. if i go to the restaurant,
16:29 at 11.45 a.m on a tuesday and it's closed and then i go back on a thursday the same time and it's closed and then they're like, oh well we were open for dinner last night, okay buddy i wasn't in the neighborhood then, i'm in the neighborhood now and i want a fucking chicken shawarma and this place is called the gluten free shawarma hole but it appears that actually what you should sell are locks because that's the only thing that matters. the only relevant part of your business is the door and the lock to be honest with you.
16:57 marjorie turner is suffocating in her marriage. an extramarital affair with a stranger seems to be the answer until her... wait, we've had this before. this is like, it's called like i fucked my brother or something like that. we had this before. what is this called? sibling rivalry. that's right. oh, turns out to be less of a stranger than she could have thought.
17:25 no where... there's a double entendre. what do you mean it's not the same? can you... i'm sorry, are you literate? are you experiencing literacy? the plot of the movie is that she fucked her brother. and if you can't get that from the title in the description, i mean honestly, you should go see minions and monsters. you're gonna love it. it's her brother in law. whatever, brother. these colors don't run.
17:50 my goats. also that is louis theroux. i know it's, we gotta save steve carell man. i don't know what's going on. he's such a talented comedian and comic actor. i've never seen this so i'm kind of like larping. we gotta save him. he can't be doing this and apple tv shows with tina fey
18:10 and like mountainhead and shit like that, he can't be doing that. we gotta get him into something subversive. fuck you he's got bills to pay, he's in like eight despicable means man! we gotta put him in something where he can fucking... he needs a one hour exact thank you for saying exactly what i was thinking. we need a one hour photo with steve carell. and don't even get me started on this guy, okay?
18:35 don't even get... listen, any actor would kill to have one breaking bad in their oeuvre. so don't get me wrong, he's done great for himself and he was amazing in the show. we gotta get him a second role, man. and i... listen, i was the right age to watch malcolm in the middle, but...
18:54 everyone puts goat on him for playing how where's the love for jane kasmarik bro? jane kasmarik was the matriarch that kept the fucking show running. no one gives a fuck cuz she never sold meth i guess they got trumbo looking like gumbo. that's what i'm saying steve is not washed. that's the thing. he's got a lot of talent he just i think like i mean, i think his roles are like they're too much in his wheelhouse. i
19:20 also, there's something to be said. i truly believe this, but you don't have to. there's just something about when an old guy gets too hot. you're not supposed to peak inattractiveness as a man when you're like 58 years old. you know, in season one of the office, through to season six, he had the sauce. even after he got the hair transplant,
19:43 then he got leaned up and i don't know what kind of peptides they got him on and he's got the perfectly trimmed like salt and pepper beard and stuff like that and it's just i just feel like like he's more he's more of a brand like there is a cipher of steve carell and i believe that the the real steve carell is in there somewhere and i don't i don't believe that the real steve carell is in there going let me out. i believe that they're kind of existing in in some kind of homeostatic equilibrium with each other.
20:14 i find ben stiller a better example of that. no, because ben stiller was a fucking baddie way back. go watch reality bites. he literally was jacked. he just had a fucked up haircut. he just had a fucked up like andrew dice clay thing going on with his hair. he literally had cum gutters, bro. yes, thank you. he was zoolander. i'm not saying he's not a good looking guy.
20:38 at obviously at 60 he's a good looking guy still but like he didn't go through like a like a normal transition into into midlife and then shoot out the other side and become like a like a sex symbol almost. i'm calling steve carella a sex symbol essentially. all i'm saying is people magazine is a bozo publication because how is charles leclair never won sexiest man alive?
21:04 well, i don't know anything about... i don't really care about that, but i'm going to use that as a pivot because it's so funny being a kid and not having an idea of like what the most respected publications are in the united states. and then like just assuming that like if you had to name the most respected and prestigious periodicals, you would be like, well, it's the new york times, okay, that's got to be up there. and then i don't know, maybe like
21:32 after that, us weekly. us weekly is always breaking scoops. they're always breaking scoops about someone going to rehab or getting someone just signed on for a new role in a live action remake of brother bear or something like that. people magazine always doing... you know what's... rolling stone? i don't think i've seen a new issue of rolling stone in 50 years. every time i go to the grocery store, they're like, it's a special edition
22:00 led zeppelin edition of rolling stone. oh, we're doing a special 60th anniversary edition for the beatles or something like that. do they even make new magazines or do they just pick like three old bands a month and then just run biographies of them? they do both. the library has them. the library lures in chat. you know you can get rolling stones at the library. libraries go to... we all know that if you got a library... i've had a library card since 1991!
22:32 okay, i know all about the library. how do you think i got access to mango languages, bro? goanna. a noun meaning any of several large australian monitor lizards. genus varanus of the family varanidae. the word iguana is derived from the original taino name iwana for the species. goanna. a noun meaning motherfucker.
22:55 biology degree by the way? oh when you fucking don't remember your australasian mammal course from 17 fucking years ago that doesn't even exist! i mean i don't blame you honestly, i'd probably remember more about biology if it was just like
23:13 every class was just like they picked a country and then named a bunch of animals. instead most of it was like basically you know how people who are bad at school are like it only exists to train you to be part of like the factory, what's the word? the henry ford style factory where all you do is like screw in one bolt for your entire life? the people who got like skill mogged in school are like it just trains you to conform man.
23:38 yeah, exactly. it trains you to be a member of the assembly line. that is what biology does because they're like basically almost every class is just how not to get yelled at by the person who runs the lab. it's just like here's how to properly use a micropipette, here's how to properly culture agar and shit like that because they're like listen you got to get through this stuff first and then if if eventually
24:04 you decide to go get a degree that actually qualifies you to do some real motherfucking science, then you can be the motherfucker that yells at the fourth year biology students for not culturing the agar, right? excuse me, this is serious work! we are trying to
24:20 predominantly secure that we can get our next grant, secondarily maybe publish something scientifically significant that could be part of the zeitgeist in the sense that someone on a radio show at 4 a.m. might say, scientists at this laboratory have discovered something that is giving and career and then you never hear about it again. and thirdly, i'm trying not to get yelled at by the department head who's the motherfucker above me who does most of the yelling.
24:48 my bachelor's thesis has two citations, let's go. bro, i get two citations every time i drive, you ain't special. damn, you were gone for a bit and i almost forgot you exist? otis rodis, i would never forget you exist. you have an avatar. your avatar is like a character, it might be from nuclear throne or some kind of like, it's a cartoon face. i know your av it might not be your avatar here, it might be your avatar on, rest in peace, twitter, but it was like a cartoon for sure from a video game. otis rodis, tell be honest with me, am i right?
25:18 sorry man, i don't think so. okay, well we could have done this the easy way. account created november 15th, 2014. following since june 19th, 2025. now you had something. you were fucking with me for a long time and then you stopped fucking with me.
25:36 and then you started fucking with me again. you probably unfollowed me when i started using facecam because you're like, i only watch streamers with integrity who don't need to rely on male sexual energy in order to sell subscriptions. and then you saw clips from librarian because you're addicted to social media and you said, wait, this guy's still doing it. and you got fucking hooked back in. tell me i'm wrong because you're a known character. you've been around for a bit. damn. he's got me pegged.
26:03 never seen a guy work so hard to create his own lore. librarians making the lore. even when i get recognized in public these days, which happens more and more, there was a peer, we hit a real lull for a little bit in the spring, but we're back a little bit. i got recognized buying metamucil at the pharmacy this weekend, which was peak for me. they never say, i watch your content anymore. they say something like, i've seen your clips. so librarian has injected themselves into the social media algorithm stream vis a vis me.
26:33 they've co opted the energy that's like, there's ambient energy just being wasted because there's heat coming off of the monitor right now. they're capturing that energy and then putting it out into the ecosystem. and it's creating a moment. let's just put it that way. waiting to see if someone's saying something interesting. otis rotis, did you say anything? i can't see. wouldn't it be crazy if i just went blind during the stream?
27:03 deep fried cheese in a roll, chips with pork and stuffing and gravy. i would definitely take the deep fried cheese in a roll. that looks awesome. 52%? who are you kidding, bro? i've seen the shit that gets like an 80 in this. i will. it's a little rich for me.
27:18 don't even get me fucking started, okay? because every time i talk about this all the time, the average american, and i'll count canadians in there too, they're like, i don't like french cuisine, it's too heavy for me. and then it's like meat and vegetables in a sauce, and oh it's so heavy, oh it's just, oh it's too rich for me. how much butter did they use when they cook it?
27:40 yeah, can i get a large, uh, fucking winter melon boba tea? 100% sugar, 100% ice, 100% winter melon, 100% boba. i see you drinking that shit! but meat and vegetables with a roux on top of it is like, oh, my precious body couldn't possibly process energy in this form. like, what are you talking about? i mean, this is just an insult, man. stewed chicken?
28:08 this looks like when you go to the, you're excited all day to get lunch at the whole foods hot bar and then you're like what the fuck i paid $27 for bones in tikka masala sauce? some asshole going through and using the slotted spoon to chop all the meat off the bones but then leave the bones in the sauce? i mean this is insane but this is just not inspiring in any way. i have to go with that. name for a company that makes them not the burrowing animal
28:38 in the uk, vice grips are often called what wrenches? let's call them weasel wrenches. it's a mole avogadro's motherfucking number. i don't know avogadro's number anymore. it's like 6.09 times 10 to the 23rd or something like that, but i'll tell you what, i know avocado's number plus 350 at chipotle. today i learned gay is banned from chat. no, man. no, it isn't. and guess what? now i got to go see what your last message was.
29:08 okay, well the last thing you wrote was gay and it did get held by auto mod. but some people, you know, i think there's like a reputation system here. some people are getting auto modded for it and some people are not getting auto modded for it. there's a lot of trusted users who can say it and i guess some people were, you know, twitch isn't 100% sure. okay, when you typed vile white pervert,
29:39 it definitely got that one, which i appreciate. but auto mod is interesting because it doesn't really stop the message from getting through. it just makes sure only the person the message is targeted at has to read it. but they can save themselves from the embarrassment of everybody else in chat going, yeah, you're right to the guy who said it.
30:02 so you do still kind of get your feelings hurt as the guy who is the target of the message. but you save yourself from the indignity of everyone joining in and have you ever read shirley jackson's the lottery? like that kind of vibe. don't put a bunch of question marks after it. it's still going to get caught. sort these products by the date they were released starting with the latest. okay, i'll tell you one thing, the palm pilot
30:31 they were fucking with that in like 1992. and then the tivo, i feel like the earliest ones of those were in like the late 90s. and then i feel i'm gonna make a play here. i'm gonna say the roomba comes out before the ipod. because i was hearing about the robot vacuum a long, long time before everybody had one for their apartments.
30:53 it was like a flash in steve wozniak's eye or something like that. and then the wii is winter 2006, which is definitely post ipod. i'm a little stunned. i thought the roomba... i honestly thought there might have been a roomba prototype in like 1992. palm pilot is a crazy name. might be available if you want to launch like a masturbation app or something like that.
31:24 higher population weighted household size. this one's tough for me because wyoming and idaho are very similar states culturally. i feel like wyoming is much more like i was exiled by my family, so now i live in wyoming. and idaho is more like i moved my whole family to idaho to escape the vile pacific northwest.
31:51 and the slow overtake of beelzebub in the education system. so i feel like there's a lot of men going their own way out here. and men, of course, also college football. and then out, but there's boise state here too. i gotta go with idaho though.
32:08 yeti, all of your messages get auto modded. i think the yeti apologia era is coming to pass because, i mean, is there any other chatter that when put in the crystal for like three months would still be chatting? they're here for the love of the game, man. and maybe the occasional bit of attention that they get, but
32:32 and there's no, at no point did i say, hey, if you leave like 10 good comments in a row, you're going to get out of the crystal. like there's no hope to get out of the crystal. they're in the crystal forever. apex predators. oh, thanks. animal taxa named by carolus linnaeus. that's just all of them, man. mammals of south asia. okay, that, you are a tiger. lions are not associated as much with south asia, man. mother fucker.
33:05 motherfucker. in my head, lions are roaming like the sahara desert and tigers are prowling like in the rainforest jungles of southeast asia. persecution by christians, this is r slash atheism, this is the salem witch trials. most of the people that they tried were not witches, but she does appear to be shooting some energy out of her solar plexus. she's casting a spell.
33:38 cut his mic. i mean like if this if the court artist is to be believed then she made a grievous error because like now they're gonna know man like there's no shot she's gonna get acquitted after she casts the lightning spell even the the softest jury in the world is gonna have to act on that. 1986 establishments in the soviet union bro this is mir you think i don't know mir? most embarrassing story about mir
34:08 is when i went to school on april fool's day in the fourth grade and they told me the mirror russian space station crashed into the hotel dew hospital in my hometown of kingston, ontario. i went, really? like my ass wasn't watching the news with my grandma before school eating a bowl of cereal. like you think they probably would have mentioned that a space shuttle crashed from orbit and hit the hospital. like then they were like, no, not really. it's april fool's, man.
34:37 21st century norwegian sportsman, but you are not. yes, you are. you are holland. that's right. damn. look at the neck combined with the jaw combined with the hair combined with the face is so good. oh man, that's crazy. he is mogging a monolith
35:08 an egyptian invention, a garden feature, stone monument and memorial. i'm gonna say a pyramid? an obelisk. it's an obelisk. it's got like an sd card on the bottom or something. pyramid in the garden? i don't know, an obelisk in the garden is kind of surprising as well. a birdbath or something, sure, but if i saw like an obelisk in the garden, i'd be like, what's going on here hatshepsut? rheumatology, uric acid. bro, this is rheumatoid.
35:41 arthritis. that's gout. guys, i got stupider over the weekend. you know what it is? and this is like me being honest.
35:52 motherfuckers pushed me too hard on the bike this morning and now i'm intellectually debuffed for the rest of the motherfucking day. but that's also my own fault because what i should have done is just been like these guys are pedaling too fucking hard i'm not even going to try to keep up but instead i was like no one's gonna get by me even though they did anyway so now i'm out here like permanently debuff for the rest of the damn day as a result of my own pride for no reason
36:18 on a monday, no we could have done it, why didn't... well you know why we didn't do it on the fucking saturday and sunday? because these motherfuckers weren't on the bike on saturday and sunday. for some reason they're only on the bike monday through friday and then saturday and sunday they're nowhere to be seen. the days where all of a sudden on the days where i have to work they take a shot at the king. this is like a 75 degree angle. 81, 83. oh we're so back. you're rooting for the us today?
36:50 any canadians in the chat? nothing feels more awesome than landing a joke at american expense and then getting a bunch of laughs from americans. because here's my sentiment on team usa in soccer. we're not mortal enemies the way we are in hockey because we're both kind of like on the outside looking in of the global, you know, football ottie, right?
37:15 so we're both still sort of upstarts, at least as of right now at the time of this recording. the great thing about the us in a sporting competition as a canadian is that when they win, i can go, that's awesome. i've got lots of american friends. and when they lose, i can go, that's awesome. i know a lot of assholes who are american. so it's really like, aren't
37:40 the players are the true winners of course but if there is another winner it's me because no matter what happens there's going to be a smile on my face. that was a great hole man top four percent the same for those of us living in the us. yeah but i don't know us patriotism is in a weird spot just stop playing so much damn bon jovi man she's pissing me off and then people in my discord
38:07 were tweaking that the british fans were singing wonderwall. now listen, i've said my piece on wonderwall, i think it's a bad song and i don't necessarily hate oasis but i wish they would sing like champagne supernova or don't look back in anger even though it's kind of manchester's song but either way, i hate that, i hate wonderwall. but any americans talking shit about wonderwall
38:28 go watch a game that takes place at east rutherford new york new jersey stadium. can we ever exit the era of bon jovi's relevance or for some reason am i going to live, because i was born
38:44 the song was already there and everybody thought it was amazing. and i said, well, this fuckery can't last much longer. it's been 40 years and it's only becoming more suffocating. it's only getting more popular somehow. and now i've got people younger than me that are like, you're just being contrarian. do you have ears? this is a bad song by a bad band. okay.
39:10 now, country roads, not my favorite song, but it's got some character. but no, no, no more, no more livin' on a prayer, man. and then you're right, because someone's saying, i also heard it at the philadelphia stadium. it's bad enough they play it in new jersey. at least he's from new jersey, right? then when they play that shit in california, i'm like, fuck you, you fucking dickheads. there ain't no californian songs better than livin' on a prayer.
39:35 i know there are, man. why are you co opting northeast new jersey turnpike culture? now i'll allow it if you're playing the boss, but can you just like run something californian, man? that's huge for a guy like me.
40:00 bruce springsteen is worse than bon jovi, it's not even close. you're literally part of the 84% of the population that has no interiority. go back to listening to music predominantly for pump up vibes, okay? live your whole life like it's the day before an eighth grade hockey tournament, motherfucker. you have no interiority whatsoever. bon jovi clears bruce springsteen. bon jovi, whose most popular album ever, is called slippery when wet. and go look at the cover and tell me what they were all about, okay? it's about a floor. this must be about a floor.
40:30 whoever made sticky fingers must be disgusting. i'm not fucking with the rolling stones either. one of the biggest psyops in popular music. beatles or rolling stones? this is not the... okay, mike tyson versus jake paul, but in their primes, bro. in their primes, okay? rolling stones, couple of great albums, lots of catchy songs. the beatles versus the beatles. let's not be ridiculous here. i'm throwing hands? no, you're not, because you're not that passionate about the rolling stones.
40:59 people will throw hands over the beatles. they'll be like, i fucking got married to golden slumbers. no one's going to be throwing hands over, oh i really like, uh, don't stop or whatever. don't stop, baby, don't stop. she scratched her nails down my back. boy, her nails were sharp. don't stop. come on, don't be ridiculous.
41:26 they're not fire. they have a couple of good songs and also if you have a xylophone, like if you have a toddler style xylophone in your house, you can play the riff from satisfaction on the xylophone. it can get you out of the
41:42 the yoke of twinkle twinkle little star and row row row your boat and mary had a little lamb. it's like two two two three four four four three two two two three four four four three and it's close enough, it's not quite there. you know what else you can do on a xylophone? i was doing a little experimentation with the help of reddit. you can play the motif of concerning hobbits. you can do do do do
42:11 do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
42:39 stay in your lane. start asking me whether or not i'm going to play the ocarina of time remake when it comes out. i did on 3ds for about 15 minutes. went back to recording isaac episodes. girlfriends and wives, back me up. he'll be like, why don't you just bother your wife about it? brokers who have been married for 12 years? do i know how the fucking game is played? you're right, leave me alone. that's what i'm saying, man. that's what i'm saying. now, it doesn't necessarily go the other way.
43:09 you can't stand 10 toes down for the flipped version of that. but i know my place. this is exactly what i think scientology is. midsomer. actor flashing his medical license around like it's a cop's badge is the most unhinged thing in this movie. this isn't even a thriller. rich people just be like that. a possessed melancholy dream of clinical horniness and the primal sinister forces... eyes wide shut? eyes wide shut. we take those.
43:48 letterboxd reviews dorky as fuck sometimes. i can't go off on letterboxd again. i just realized after seeing minions of monsters, i realized you have to
43:56 when kino cinema comes out and it's like art house, you can trust the letterbox reviews. you cannot trust letterbox reviews of a kid's movie because they're just kids reviewing it. i'm sorry, occasionally you'll see like a bald guy with a beanie and like a long salt and pepper beard leaving a review. and i'm like, if i was 51, i bet this review would be like really relevant to me. but most of the time, the modal letterbox user is like 24 years old.
44:22 so you have to remember this these are children reviewing a children's movie and that's they tricked me they tricked me. this is why i don't do reviews i just leave a five star and move on. magresta you you impressed me you impressed me with your five star review of gladiator because i honestly
44:38 gladiator had kind of... it's had a little bit... it was peak cinema in 1999 2000 and that's when i watched it. so i will like eternally remember him like running his hands through the fucking fields and shit like that, right? the fields of denethor. but to see someone... i don't know if it was a rewatch or a first watch but to see someone watching it in 2026 and giving it a five star felt very affirming to me. i'm also a huge ridley head.
45:07 someone in chat said someone asked ridley scott why martin scorsese's movies are all good and ridley's are a mixed bag and then he replied in the interview and he was like look at how many movies i make of course most of them suck and i was like i love actually love this guy. like people are mad at ridley scott when a movie he makes is mid bro he's at work
45:31 are you a dickhead? bro went to work, did his job and then you're like fuck this guy! he's literally, what do you want him to do? he loves to make movies and he's gonna make movies until the day he dies and some of them are gonna be good because they're gonna be set in like the year 1281 and some of them are gonna be shitty because they're set in like 3281
45:54 and then it's just it is what it is. if at this point you can't identify a good and a bad ridley scott movie on site, you can't blame him. napoleon is a disgrace? yeah bro, that's why they exiled his ass. twice. he got away, getting away from exile the first time and then like that's one thing but then him making it back and then like ruling france again is crazy. i mean that's, that's really crazy. could be the white stripes.
46:30 head leaves in the dirty ground when i know you're not around. shiny tops and soda pops when i hear the lips hit the ground. when i hear your lips hit the ground. it's verging on the red hot chili peppers. but i feel like they'd be letting them go a little crazier on the bass. they're letting flea do a little bit more than... they're giving him a...
47:20 oh this is bring me to life bro. this is 100% bring me to life. it's funny because the strings don't seem to add that much to it but it like recontextualizes the the rhythm section in such a way that it makes it so obvious.
47:58 i love that... wait, someone said the way that you feel about linkin park is how i feel about this band. buddy, take my hand. because i really do not like linkin park and i feel like justin and i are the only people who survived some kind of psychic emp that hit the earth that completely inverted how people felt about linkin park. but evanescence is obviously a lot worse.
48:24 and i haven't only heard this evanescence song, because this song was so popular, i also had to hear like six more evanescence songs that they came out with to try to like copy the... capitalize, i should say, on the popularity of this one. like evanescence... the world was a bit... well, we still had problems, but culturally the world was in a better place when we all agreed that this was not good at all.
48:49 but was like a regrettable fad in popular music that existed for like a few years in the early to mid 2000s, then somehow like it having an echo that has brought it back around and completely been... but we've, i mean, every single band will have to go through this. because i mean, i listen to tiktok by kesha more than almost any of you in the chat. and it's always against my will because it's on my daughter's spotify playlist.
49:16 the fact that there are literally people with real jobs and like master's degrees in university that are like, this song's awesome. i'm like, this is, it's insane to me what they've done to us. just the complete lack of aspiration to ever engage with anything beyond pure dreck. it's a fun song. did it hit different in 2010? not for me. and i actually was trying to get a little bit tipsy.
49:47 i was, that's what i was doing. you were like nine or something like that. i was living that lifestyle. and i'm telling you that was not an accurate representation of the lifestyle. you know what was? younger us by japan droids. remember that night you were already in bed and said fuck it got up to drink with me instead. that's more what it was like man. you weren't fucking there.
50:10 you were going to like gymnastics class and wearing a shirt that said mice girls and had little mice on it dressed up like the spice girls, okay?
50:18 but one thing's for sure, you can forgive a child for listening to music that's directed at children. but when we still have adults that are like unwilling to accept that this is garbage and are still actively listening to it, it just wouldn't be me, let's put it that way. i wouldn't be getting my feelings hurt by someone saying that tiktok by kesha is a bad song. i mean, have you listened to it since you were nine? you like bob dylan? he's an artist.
50:46 he's a bad singer and a great artist. he's searching for something and there was a time, there was a period where he found it and then he lost it and then he found it. he's been finding it and losing it like kind of on and off since like the even the early 70s but particularly like from the 80s onwards. aren't you the guy who complains when people hate things? you got me motherfucking confused bro. picky eaters?
51:16 that's uh, i think you're moving the goalposts a little bit. you have rant compilations? no i don't. librarian has rant compilations from my content. i don't have those.
51:31 the recon... don't get mad at me for the recontextualization of my content for which i have no control over. someone taking my content out of context where i might do three, four rants per stream and then it gets recontextualized into an hour long video of me just ranting and then you watch it and then you say you always rant. that's not me, bro. you got me confused with another motherfucker. you! you've got me confused with you!
51:59 you're complaining about the sequencing of the tracks on a greatest hits album! l l p's! i'll stand by tiktok is real. there's nothing you could say to convince me it's a bad song because i will not be bullied by consensus into changing my opinion when i have ears. i am the primary source! just enough time to take some shots in normal golf. speaking of drek, yeah, shots is a pretty bad song too. i mean i would lump lmfao in with
52:31 with kesha for sure. not so much with linkin park, even though i don't like linkin park. they were they were writing from a place of pain. i'll give them some credit for that. they weren't just writing music like to put on at the party at your 11th birthday party or whatever. but now did i play it at my 11th birthday party? yeah man, obviously. the songs came out when i was 11. that's not even close. your arms were so... probably that would require replacing both shoulders.
53:07 if you did that irl, but now i've undercompensated the rare undercompensation with a guy when a guy with a really big cock drives like a kia soul. see now i want to move it back in the other direction a little bit. now i want to move it back like to here. that's never happened. i'm sure it's happened. like, i mean...
53:30 i don't know that much about the kia soul. i'm assuming it was like a semi reliable automobile in the sedan category at a budget price. i mean, there's always a buyer for that, man. not even close. how does it compare to the chevy spark? i'm sure there's people in chat that drive a chevy spark. i am not trying to make you feel bad, but i have an obligation to help my chat out.
53:56 and tell them to never buy a chevy spark. but the one thing i will say is i also don't know if there is any car on the planet that's as cheap as a chevy spark, so it might literally be in a category all to itself. but if there is anything else in the chevy spark price range, you at least gotta test drive that too. 2011 volkswagen jetta. you know what pisses me off? not quite as much as subaru drivers who...
54:26 who when they, you're like walking down the street and you hear a really, really loud car and then you turn your head because you think it might be like a ferrari or something but then it's just a subaru and you're like, your car is not, i'm not saying it's a bad car. it just doesn't have any reason to be that loud if it's gonna, like if i'm gonna turn my head and be like, oh, a subaru again.
54:50 i forgot what i was talking about. oh, the other one is like the way that volkswagen golf drivers drive, man. you're not a rally driver. you're literally like you're trying to beat me into the save on food's parking lot. just chill. there's enough space in the parking lot for everybody, bro. they're always driving around going... like you're not colin mcrae.
55:15 i don't know why you're turning this into a game. i'm just trying to get to the frozen food section because i'm back on my smoothie shit. wait, a little bit of draw. not quite, not quite. comment that said licking her bald spot during back shots. freaky ass comment, but i'm not going to deny that it made me laugh because
55:40 is this game fun for the neurodivergent? yeah, i would say so. i honestly, i'm surprised that the neurotypicals in chat aren't fucking with it because the ui is like very neurotypical 2026 game design. there's like a call to action, 17 different meters, like a bunch of different windows set up in a grid. like there's so much more information than there was in video games when i grew up.
56:06 i honestly like this looks like valor into me. i thought people would be fucking with it more. well, we'll just have to you know the beatings will continue until morale improves type shit. wait, but actually wait this time. oh that one was so good dude that was so close to a dunk what about eight inches and thin yeah what about two inches in spiral pretty good if you need to open a wine bottle?
56:41 life is like a hurricane when you're duct dicked. lasers, race cars, aeroplanes. something that might solve a mystery. what? duck penises are curved like a corkscrew. i thought you'd been on the internet before. brought to you by the same people who say things like dolphins are assholes.
57:09 bro, i didn't grow up in a dolphin pod. i'm not gonna sit here and put human morals on a dolphin. i have no idea what kind of constraints they're living under in the ocean, okay? now obviously if you took their behavior and you brought it straight into human beings, you would be like, that's incredibly fucked up. but i don't know what it's like under the sea, man. i'm just a tourist when it comes to their culture.
57:33 boy was you raised in a dolphin pod? crazy insult. boy you are two kinds of crazy. i still have to find some time to watch the rest of the big mama's house 2 trailer. big mama's house is an interesting movie because for me it exists at that time where i was like slowly starting to develop a little bit of like
57:54 independent tastes and like mostly wanted to watch movies that were good. i was sure, i was probably like 13 when the first big momma's house came out, i was sure it was gonna be good. it had so many elements of movies that i loved, how could it not be good? martin lawrence, fresh off the success of blue streak and runtel dat, the fuck ass like
58:20 all white background with the red text on it like jack portnoy and the fatties. and then of course, i mean he's going undercover as big mama, like almost a nutty professor style caper, but also he's a cop so he's a good guy. so like i was, there was a lot going for it. and then when i watched it, even at 12 or 13, i was like man,
58:44 this is not that funny. i mean, am i really supposed to be laughing when like, i guess like big mama farts? farts are funny, so it, but you have to do something a little bit more than just have her fart, like...
58:59 it's gotta be like really loud and disgusting or like in an incredibly inappropriate environment or something like that. or it's gotta smell like really bad or really good. big mama was an ibs queen. she was eaten, let's put it that way. same with nutty professor. no, okay, cuz like here's the subtle difference cuz the farts in the nutty professor one are so funny.
59:23 eddie murphy knew what he was doing with that one. when the dad farts and then the grandma goes, did someone just say my name? that's a classic moment. now the nutty professor too, i'm not fucking with it. what's your pick for spain versus portugal? mm, conservatively, la minha mall, six goals. that was, i'm calling it overall our best shot ever. not the closest shot, but our best shot ever.
59:49 i need to see ronaldo fail? bro, he's been playing for 40 years. he has the same number of knockout stage goals as steve estacio, bro. the canadian legend. run that last name again? i literally had it in my head and then i forgot it. the soccer fandom leaving my body when morocco scores his third goal against canada. it was a good try though. i mean, all things considered, considering they're like a lot better than our team.
1:00:20 considering their team is a lot better than ours by a large margin, i thought they played pretty well, man. this game scratches a crazy brain itch. you know what that is? i think it helps break the prison that we put ourselves in, that in content something always has to happen, man. it's a lot of pressure on a streamer. that's why you got dan doing things like, if i get hit in the roguelike, the game has to change.
1:00:48 but the bro is loading up slay the spire 2. you can't beat slay the spire 2. it can't happen. without getting hit, taking no damage in slay the spire 2? that's not how it works. it's like trying to win a game of basketball without allowing any points, man. that's not the way it's played. so we're making a deliberate choice to reject this kind of dopamine addled thinking. will we get the ball in the hole? yes.
1:01:19 will we do it in the next 31 minutes? it's not looking good. i have no idea. i mean, it's like it's the first monday in july, man. not every day has to be christmas. that's crazy. pistons could do it against team unity. bro, after the pistons score, i'm just taking the i'm taking a full court shot every single time. i can hit one full court shot, especially because we're not going to play defense. i can hit one full court shot in a 48 minute game. is nobody guarding you?
1:01:49 no, they're guarding apollo because he's the tallest one. apollo's quintuple teamed. they'll see the cavs and know you're a threat? i mean, bro, they saw the cavs in the playoffs. let me know how that went. am i right? i think they lost. i think the pistons lost to the cavs. you know what's crazy is that it's actually like summer weather in vancouver, which would not be remarkable except for the fact that it was actually like cold enough to wear a jacket last week.
1:02:21 but i don't want to wear shorts because i don't like i'm at the point with my calves where they're like so over developed that i don't want to wear shorts and like get asked by the other parents at the school like what's going on with your calves? like i think they're gonna be like it's a little indecent to be walking around with calves like that. i am i'm feeling immodest and with nothing i could do about it.
1:02:47 it's not that my lobster is too buttery, my steak is too juicy. the calves are like, my legs are pretty good, but the calves are not proportional with the rest of the leg. the calf is highly overdeveloped, the quads and the hammies are just, you know, they're quadding and hamming. it's because of the towa. i mean, if it was calf raises, i'd just stop doing the calf raises, but every step is a calf raise for a beast like me.
1:03:11 at least it's not only your forearms. oh, it's 2026, okay? a, forearms are in, and b, even if it is because of jerking off, you just tell people you're a rock climber or you bake bread on the weekend or something like that. i work in software. i can't tell people i'm a rock climber. yes, you fucking can, man. the aura has changed on software developers. yeah! no way! yeah, and software devs are like healthy now, man.
1:03:47 and the code is a lot worse. well, i don't know if i can say it, the apps are a lot worse. the code might be better than ever, but like, do i give a fuck? but like, the websites don't work as well as they used to. but their sleep scores and their metabolic ages have never been popping to a greater extent. we need more developers who joined computer club at school to make a friend.
1:04:12 instead of to facilitate like step one of 3000 of starting a podcast on founder culture. chat, how do i waste four hours of office time? do work. you really want to waste time? send some emails. third coffee from the furthest coffee pot? you know what? and on ironically,
1:04:32 chib and corey comparing resting heart rates has freed me from the yolk of three caffeinated beverages a day. because i was getting pissed off last week when i got back. i was sick so my resting heart rate was getting mobbed. and i don't mean any disrespect to chiblee, okay? but as far as i know he doesn't do any cardiovascular exercise.
1:04:50 so him posting like a 63 resting heart rate was kind of pissing me off when i was sitting there like 71 because my body was purging like virons and bacteria from my body. so i was like, i gotta lock the fuck in. it might be fixing my life to be honest with you. not that it was that fucked up, i guess to begin with, but last night
1:05:14 while sleeping, i ticked a 38 heart rate. that's the lowest, it's the first time my heart rate has ever gotten lower while sleeping than it did when i was watching minions and monsters. you notice that everything bagels really just kind of like onion? onion and sesame seeds? a lot of the other shit in there, and i'm sure if you showed me the ingredients there'd be some other shit, but a lot of the other shit in there is getting carried. like the onion and the sesame seed, that's lebron.
1:05:40 it is of course is the goated bagel. no other bagel comes close and you know no other bagel comes close because as soon as you say something like that people will say something like well sometimes i like a sweet bagel like a cinnamon raisin or something yeah but like not six times a week. six times a week you're eating everything and then every once in a while you get a weird hair up your butt and you're going okay i'll take the cinnamon raisin. cheddar jalapeno my goat. okay but that's costco only. that's not a
1:06:07 a canonized genre of bagel. i'm sure they have it at other places, but i am 80% sure you're talking about costco. you can get it at tim hortons? oh, you can get food out of the trash can too. like we're talking about food that tastes good from a restaurant that cares about you and the nation you live in. also, i know everyone always says like a bagel is like eight slices of bread or something like that. i don't fucking buy it, bro. i don't care what the numbers say. it doesn't pass the eye test.
1:06:39 if you ate eight slices of bread and you ate a bagel, you would feel differently. so no, it's not. maybe it's like it in some ways and it's not like it in other ways. also, we're so close to like bread reentering the healthy foods discussion.
1:06:55 we just need to be steeped in the fiber glazing a little bit longer and people are gonna, influencers are gonna start to say stuff like, i've been reintroducing like enriched flour bread into my diet as a tasty way to get some more fiber. we need a dr. mike video that says like bread plus eggs is the ultimate workout recovery food. eat your greens asshole. bro it's 2026, everyone my age is eating their greens.
1:07:26 have you seen the average, have you seen the poulet rouge commercials bro? if i eat at poulet rouge for lunch every day and i change like one thing every order, how long would it take me to eat the whole menu? centuries? poulet rouge is a restaurant i've never heard of outside of these ads even though i'm canadian. the bowl that they show her eating is a bowl that you eat when you have no respect for yourself.
1:07:52 i'm sorry to say. like i... restaurants should not be serving food that looks that meal prepped. six little slices of grilled chicken on top of a bowl that is not in any way unified. it's like bibimbap before you mix it. there's like the beans are over here, shredded carrots over here, the spinach is over here and i... it's not right, man. it's lacking a certain je ne sais quoi that a slot bowl needs to really... to take it to the next level.
1:08:22 you're allowed to mix the bibimbap? oh, honey. oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. you've been eating the... don't tell me you've been eating like the julienne carrots all by themselves. you're supposed to mix it up. also,
1:08:44 i don't know if you guys know any korean people, i'll save you an oral loss. you're not supposed to eat the bibimbap with chopsticks. i know it's an asian food, so our caucasian brains are like, well obviously you eat this with chopsticks. they'll make fun of you bro, you eat it with a spoon. and also the other thing is if you ever go to a restaurant that has bibimbap and you've been wanting to try it, always check and see if they've got dolsot bibimbap first because dolsot bibimbap literally better. how's mandarin going?
1:09:11 not even fucking with you? my teacher called out sick this week, so whatever. we persevere. okay, give me a second.
1:09:43 here is 500 american dollars in traveler's checks. oh, you're right. i didn't say traveler's checks. i forgot lu xing. i only said here's 500 us dollars check. oh my god, people who didn't grow up around chinese people really can't speak a lick of mandarin, huh? yeah, obviously. how the fuck would i speak mandarin if i didn't grow up speaking mandarin?
1:10:10 all of a sudden i remembered how to say airplane and i don't want to though because i don't think you guys are mature enough to handle this to be honest with you. i don't think you're ready. seeing how you've reacted to the the mandarin so far i don't think you're ready. get them librarian, get them. i still don't understand the mandarin arc. what's to understand? there's plenty of reasons to learn a language beyond like uh you like what kind of cartoons they make not to soul read you i'm just i mean i know what website i'm on and i'm making an assumption.
1:10:37 also, having a hobby is not an arc, man. it's called being alive. why not korean? because we've already got someone in the house that speaks korean, man. we as a marital unit are not going to get a buff from me learning korean and speaking korean like way worse than my wife who grew up speaking korean. why not german? you know what's crazy is that if you're not learning anything, people won't go, why aren't you learning something?
1:11:06 but if you are actively learning something, people will go, well, you should have learned this instead. like you're not fucking doing anything, dickhead. the same with exercise. like as soon as you, if you sit on your ass, people are like, that's valid, life's hard. but as soon as you're like, oh, i'm running, people are like, well, you should really do the elliptical instead, it's low impact. who asked, buddy? now, hieroglyphs would be sweet. i still think it'd be awesome to show up at someone's door and go like,
1:11:37 man holding a feather looking sideways. man, seven men kneeling, holding their hands clasped to the sky. man with bird's head staring directly at you. like i think that would be awesome, but they'll kill you for saying it. they'll kill you for saying it.
1:12:00 also, i'm not gonna learn german because you guys all speak english. like you fucked yourself. no disrespect. if your english was way worse, then like there's a chance i might learn german. but like your german is amaz or your english is amazing. german people speak incredible english. there's no reason for me to learn german. see look, there's someone in chat said, yes we do. that's perfect english right there. you don't need me to go, uh, oh, uh, fucking, um, mmm, guten, guten morgen.
1:12:29 mmm, there is das schwarzenföfer, you know, you don't need that. they're gonna be like, they're gonna put their hand on my shoulder like the r slash bald reaction gift that they post for people who aren't even really that bald to be honest, like i was way balder than that and they're gonna say buddy, it's on the table. it's on the table next to the curry ketchup. okay, they're gonna say some shit like so black pepper is adjacent to the curry ketchup. i love picking my ear. listen, i'll say something.
1:12:59 if we're being honest, it should be culturally as frowned upon as picking your nose. like it's fucking gross in there. if you don't believe me,
1:13:07 get one of those cameras with a pick on the end that you can put into your ear to get earwax out. it's actually disgusting in there. i'm a believer that, and i got a lot of disgusting parts of my body, my ear might be the most disgusting part of my body. but picking your ear is like a gray area. do you have wet or dry earwax? i honestly, with god as my witness, i don't know. i don't know.
1:13:34 i have no, because sometimes i put my finger in there and it's wet and sometimes i put my finger in there and like i'm like oh i have like crazy earwax and then i pull out what appears to be like um i mean i don't even know how you describe it like a sticker like a white and yellow sticker that comes out of my ear which is obviously dry
1:13:58 you know what's been interesting? i told kate the next time we do a vtuber collab she's got to let them know in advance and they were very funny. i had a great time playing with them and would play again but don't start the conversation by saying i went to the nlss, wikitubey or whatever to catch up on the lore. that sets us up for a real ace. i mean i appreciate it because it conversationally put me on the back foot
1:14:20 but it sets up a serious asymmetry at the start of the conversation where i think i'm meeting someone for the first time, but there we are meeting for the first time, but they also know a lot more about me than i know about them. but then they thought i grew up with stans, which is honestly more insulting to stans because i'm pretty sure stans is like at least, i'm going to say six years younger than me, if not more.
1:14:47 they were thinking of mouth, you lied and said it was stance. no i didn't. i said i knowledge tapped them. i said who was that again and then they said stance. before you capture the game please make sure you turn on safer work mode in the general settings of the game. there's a not safe for wor wait wait wait okay hang on okay
1:15:09 i was watching a tournament in this and someone won and it played foot fetish content? yeah, but foot fetish content could be safe for work. well, i mean, let me put it this way. safe for work is an interesting distinction when we're talking about streaming a video game. like my antiquated model
1:15:28 for an office job is that me streaming anything wouldn't be safe for work because if your boss saw it, they would be like, what are you doing? get back to work. so i don't know if there's some things that are okay. like if you watch me blowing some dude's head off in pubg, they would be like, that's fine. but if i want to game a mahjong and all of a sudden the lady's toes are like, the piggies are right in the camera, that's not okay.
1:15:52 you know who's a funny genre of guy by the way? i don't see him too much anymore. but guy who gets mad that something is marked not safe for work, but then when he clicks on it, it's not not safe for work enough for him to have justified the tag. back in the day there always used to be people getting mad that like, why is this tag not safe for work?
1:16:15 it's just a lady, she's not even showing her nipples. it's just a big boobed lady in a swimsuit bending over doing a come hither gesture with her finger. that's safe for work, bro. the guy who got, it's like he saw not safe for work and he was like, oh, this is gonna be good. oh, i click on the, what?
1:16:40 that's the sort of thing you'd see at sports illustrated swimsuit edition. oh, so i'm not... oh, i wouldn't be allowed to bring a magazine to work? i wouldn't be allowed to bring the number one sports magazine in the world to work? if someone's richi and they deal into it, it's not a yakuman anymore. and if you sumo it, it's not a yakuman. she seems nice. ma'am, are you not cold at the mahjong table? she is? listen, i shouldn't comment on how she's dressed.
1:17:10 but she is dressed like those heroes at queen's university going out for a night at stages in january, coming back from christmas break from toronto. don't you want to at least wear a coat or something? you're not going to wear a coat because you don't want to pay like $2 for coat check? like it's literally minus 15 degrees celsius outside. they always lose your jacket. i will say one time i went to toronto for new year's, waited in line for like an hour to get in.
1:17:39 got in at like 11, my god, that's fast. got in at like 1140 and they said coat check is 10 bucks. and then i said, that's okay, i'll just keep my coat on. and they were like, no, you have to do coat check. so i said, okay, that's fine. i stayed until the ball dropped, which was like, i don't even know, it was like 15 minutes at most. and then i was like, i'm not really feeling it, i'm gonna go home. they lost my jacket.
1:18:10 i gave them the code check ticket and they were like, yeah we looked, we can't find it. that's why you put an air tag in it? that shit didn't exist in the same ubiquity in 2014. it just didn't happen like that.
1:18:26 but the best story, i think this was a different trip, this might have been like two years later, was when a man who was experiencing homelessness came up to us and opened his jacket and was like, do you guys want to buy these beers? and they were shitty beers. but he was charging five bucks for each of them. and we said, this will be a crazy story, sure. so we were buying beers off of them. and then mouth bought a beer off of him.
1:18:50 and he said, wait man, do you mind if i just get a sip? and then malf said, sure, no problem. and then he cracked the can and chugged the whole thing right in front of him and gave him back like two sips in the can. what is happening in riju city? the hands are like three seconds long. then later, i told this story and someone was like, uh, you know that guy probably stole the beer from the liquor store, right?
1:19:22 and i went, what? i thought, i really thought this guy was, he had the secret recipe in his own brewery and he was bottling his own, bottling and canning his own lakeport honey. because it could be a, it could be a mass importer or something. yeah, yeah, absolutely.
1:19:46 dogwater beer? i mean that's, can i just say, it was an act of charity for us to pay $5 canadian cash for a lakeport honey on the street in like 2013. that is seriously like, we were paying at least a 300% markup just to be a part of the store. i mean i guess he did do the labor of stealing it from the store.
1:20:09 which, and also warming it up with his body heat. which i appreciate. so it's not like he didn't do any anything in the process, but... oh shit, i don't know! send it bro! i don't know what i need! is there a way to tell what i think i need? well, i shouldn't tell you. it's the exclamation point on the right side. i'm gonna try to figure it out and not just wait for the button to pop. nooooo!
1:20:48 nah man, she's on her way to... i was trying to think of another kingston club. chad, where did i see modest mouse playing kingston in 2009? it used to be called aj's hanger and then they changed it to be named... you're gonna help me with this one. the ale house! that's right. the ale house, thank you.
1:21:14 even though it still had like the airplanes hanging from the ceiling and shit. that's right. yeah. the ale house. oh, the ale house, the brass. you guys ever go to ben's pub? yes, once. that's what i'm talking about. classic ben's pub story. when you walk into ben's pub and realize that it's all local people and they resent their proximity to queen's university,
1:21:38 broccoli cut 19 year olds recently discovered the royal tavern. wait, this is huge news because i one time we went to the royal tavern and my intrepid royal tavern has a reputation for being like a biker bar. and we went in and at the time at least we went in and my friend said, you guys have any drink specials? and there were like three really old looking biker dudes sitting at the bar and nobody else in the entire tavern.
1:22:06 and then the barkeep said, yeah, are you looking for something with a curly straw or something with a frilly umbrella in it? and then we went like, haha, okay, see you guys later. every spider sense in our body sort of went like, we're not supposed to be here, so we'll just leave. but now it seems like the broccoli hairs, they've breached the gate, more power to them.
1:22:35 one thing's for sure, i'm at the level of mahjong where i can get into ritchie and i'm also not at the level of mahjong where i will ever not ritchie if the button pops up. this is what this game is all about. it's like playing soccer in bare feet. it's not gonna happen. whoa! fuck it bro. no, be serious. i love being in ritchie! i love being in ritchie!
1:23:02 you should actually keep your hand closed and then try to set up a more appropriate weight. i love being in ritchie! i love when everyone goes, oh, and he entered ritchie so early, there's no way we could possibly know what he needs. oh, there's no way to dodge you, bro. there's no way, and that's true, the game always plays itself when you reach here early. it's a garbage weight? they don't know that. like look at that, they're taking all my tiles because they're worried about how big my wall is getting.
1:23:35 oh, you're getting, you're knocking. you're knocking. is this game fun? it looks boring. mahjong actually is like one of those games that like gets a hold of you for sure. oh, swanson. read him and weep. reachi, ura, 3,900 points. two of the most, this is my, i didn't pick this character by the way. this is the default character. okay. put some damn clothes on. you literally can't tell me to do that.
1:24:07 it's 2026, i can wear what i fucking want. you understand what's happening or we just vibe in here? it's a little bit of both going on. oh! it's a little bit of both going on! you see the speed of my rishis, bro? i think i know what's happening. oh, please, please. they need white mahjong instead of the wind tiles that has like suv names. wait, bro!
1:24:38 ford suvs as the as the wins would be awesome. the explorer, the escape. i'm kind of out of ideas at this point. the dragons could be toyota sedans, the camry. no! sumo's not wrong. the corolla. how good would it feel though to lay down a hand and be like boom three fucking toyota rav4s. like i got uh i got
1:25:10 fully concealed, rechi, 3 rav4s, which is the prevailing suv of this round. 13 orphids is dealership mode. okay, so not every tile can be a car. it doesn't really make sense if every single tile is a car. like, not every tile in mahjong is a dragon. listen, i bring a certain sort of like, um, featuring an appearance by northernlion vibe to the tournament. i bring sort of like a
1:25:40 you know, when they used to do like celebrity poker tournaments before celebrities quit acting to become poker pros? i bring that sort of vibe to the party. if there were an appearance fee, i think this would be the sort of thing where you wouldn't really anticipate me having a shot at the grand prize, but you might be like, i wonder how much you got paid to be here. but as my wife is the organizer of the tournament, it's a little bit of a different story.
1:26:09 i definitely get the prize for most riches. you want a pun? you want a pun? want a pun? want a pun? want a pun? want a pun? want a pun? want a pun? please, you have to stop. want a pun? want a pun? want a pun? i like that. i can't let you get wrong. shit, you're gonna see it every time, huh? oh, never mind. no, no, no. don't clip farm me. don't cl sumo! oh, sumo. crazy amount of sumos, bro.
1:26:46 stealing my shit? you typed it! you typed it! holy cow. dan mangan type shit? and they were the dealer? what the fuck? i don't know, this is way too complicated for me. motherfucker, man! the hell is hatsune? alright, that's round one. we finished with 19,300.
1:27:28 that strikes me as, i mean, not too bad. i mean, it could be worse. yo, last place in the tournament. 136 ready to use mahjong strategies and tactics books provided by mahjong pros. yo! i'm not really, listen, i'm not in the running for that. i'm gonna have to seriously step down my game if i'm gonna be in the running for that. because i'm 25,000 points up on at least one other person. hey, android operating system, are you listening? don't answer that. i already know.
1:27:59 i tried to serve me a news article when i was looking at my phone. a candy has been recalled in canada. fuck you. i'm holding up my middle finger to the camera right now. i'm not clicking on that shit, you fucking clickbait merchants. if you have any interest in serving the public, put the name of the candy in the headline. otherwise, i'm not clicking it.
1:28:19 it's gummy gains brand protein candy. okay, i'm marking myself safe from getting food poisoned by the stupidest candy that's ever existed. low sugar candy? i will occasionally, i've been caught buying smart sweets in the early 2020s before i realized they're basically as bad. didn't the study come out on the type of
1:28:42 the fake sugar in smart sweets that was like to your body, it's actually like eight times worse than sugar. like every gram of it that gets digested, your body treats as eight grams of sugar or something like that. either way, there's no chance of getting protein candy. that's, i mean, basically that's an iq test. you sign up to fail.
1:29:02 no, no, i don't mean like it's just bad for you. i mean literally, i thought that the way that smart sweets worked is they had like a sugar analog, like a type of like tapioca fiber that like your body doesn't process. but then they found out that actually your body processes it so it's like literally you're getting more calories than you expect. let's put it that way.
1:29:25 same thing, i saw that elias pettersson's wife has started a swedish inspired candy brand in vancouver. i saw it at the grocery store, it was like 13 bucks a bag. okay, so i just, listen, good on you for starting a business. and it's not your fault because you and your husband are two different individuals, except in the eyes of the law as like a business entity or whatever. but if he gets 130 points this year, i'll buy 10 bags of the candy. i'm not buying it because it's been a long
1:29:56 on a jersey, okay? and i've been banging the drum that he's gonna make it back. he just needs to get his mojo back. but this is put up or shut up time, okay? i will champion you as civic ambassadors, but i need to see 130 points this season.
1:30:12 you know what's crazy in the nhl? it always happens, man. you got a skinny timothy chalamet type rookie comes into the league, wins rookie of the year, looks literally preternatural, looks like he's psychic, looks like he's seeing the game like five seconds before it happens, and then he starts posting those workout videos where like, oh, you see the press releases come out?
1:30:36 oh, he's put on 10 pounds of muscle over the summer. you an idiot? whoa! same dude but with 10 extra pounds of muscle? he's gonna be even better this year. me, a guy who's seen it 100 times before? no, no, no. it fucks up their kinematics, man. they need to stay exactly the same size forever.
1:31:01 77 sleep score? chiblee, i picked the 38 last night. 92 sleep score. you know why my sleep score was better? it took me six minutes to fall asleep sunday night instead of three minutes on saturday. fell asleep in three minutes on saturday. they literally hit me with like the, we're reviewing this data to ensure that it's valid.
1:31:22 they thought i was sus because i fell asleep too fast. but then when i fell asleep in six minutes last night, they were like, okay, good enough. here's a 92. energy score still at an 83 though. honestly, i think i got to get off the melatonin. i think it's making my deep sleep phase too short. why are you trying to optimize your sleep? beat chiblee, mostly to beat chiblee. okay, you ready for this live unfiltered sleep score? first off, let me refresh my heart rate data. presently sitting at a 64.
1:31:53 peaked at a hundred and... oh shit, 165 during the peloton ride today. sleep score, 92. 34 minutes of deep sleep, unfortunately. that only got me a good. eyes... actual sleep time, 7 hours, 10 minutes. rem sleep, 2 hours, 4 minutes. sleep latency, aka how long it takes to fall asleep, 6 minutes. total wake... wakeness time in the night, 21 minutes.
1:32:23 nothing wrong with that bro right in the center of basically every single range fuck off six minutes that i mean it. it's honestly that's like twice my average i fall asleep so fast but honestly i do agree with my phone when it says that's bad because like it's what that means you what you're thinking is like fuck you i wish i could fall asleep in three minutes but what you're not thinking is how fucked up i feel from like 4 p.m. until i actually get
1:32:53 the freedom to fall asleep on a sunday. which is that i'm basically asleep from about an hour after lunch time until i can actually shut my eyes and put my head on the pillow. i fell asleep so fast before tracking. now whenever i close my eyes, i imagine myself with a wife, three kids in the house. you can still, ghibli, you can still do that if you want to do that. you're only 28, right? you still got plenty of time. most people in my neck of the woods are not having kids until like
1:33:22 i don't even know like a lot of them are having their first kid at like their early 40s. okay, it might be too late for the house part or who knows? i don't know maybe not in in auckland or wellington but somewhere. also like my dreams are fine because i know their dreams but like there are times where i will for like a week straight i will dream like
1:33:47 do you ever have a friend who like when they smoked pot they got paranoid that all their friends actually hated them? i will go through periods where i have like a week of that dream over and over and over again. and i just like every single dream is like, do you guys hate me? did you guys only invite me here as like a joke? did you smoke pot? no bro, did you see my sleep score? i don't think you're getting a 92 sleep score on pot because like it fucks up your rem right? this is clean. i mean i'm on the meli but
1:34:17 there's no shot. i'm sorry. no, you guys, you're doing the same. you know what you're doing, potheads? motherfucking weed addicts. you're doing the same thing that alcoholics used to do. you want to go, dude, you want to go to sleep at night? just drink four shots of whiskey and pass out or something like that. then they wake up and they're like,
1:34:34 i why do i feel like shit? it must be the whiskey. well, it's partly the whiskey. but it's also that your sleep when you're drunk is fucked up. i think your sleep when you're high is fucked up too. i think you like probably fall asleep faster. but the sleep that you have sucks ass. i hit a pb on the bike high today. okay, what was your fucking pb?
1:34:54 you don't need to tell me, i want to know what your personal best is. so i like, here's the thing, if you tell, and the other thing is if you tell me a really impressive number, get ready because i'm about to ask you how much you fucking weigh. that's the way cycling works, okay? so honestly it might be better for you if the number is not all that impressive because if the number is really impressive, all of a sudden i'm going to be like step on the scale. can you say don't hurt me i'm ryan? nope.
1:35:19 i can say here's some shit they be saying to you at the restaurants these days, okay? here's some shit they got. hey, anyone else here chinese? don't you hate it when you go to a restaurant and they say, don't you hate that? bro, on the bill it says this is legal tender. it says this is legal tender. you literally can't refuse to take it. i don't care if it fucks up your accounting.
1:35:48 i hit a waiter with a shay shay laoban and he lost his mind. oh. so i was at heidi lau and the server who spoke chinese, she did, she said thank you and i said, who could she? and then she was pogging up. i had another interaction where i was just an asshole. she, cause she was speaking in english to me. and then she said, she said,
1:36:18 i forget what she said. i said, and she just looked at me like, what's wrong with you? and i just, it was the end of the interaction anyway, but i just left. i was like, i can't be doing that. i can't just be speaking chinese to chinese people who are speaking to me in english and then expecting them to be like, wow. oh, you know, well, you know, like the most obvious words in mandarin, huh?
1:36:47 what i'm learning is that there's a different dynamic between like store clerk and server. because the server kind of has to pretend to at least tolerate you. but a clerk is really just facilitating an interaction like getting over the line. like as soon as the ipad says approved, they're flipping it back around the other way and they don't want anything to do with you. high school french trip to quebec.
1:37:14 hold the order from rest stop in french server responds back to me. would you like fries with that in english? honestly, i can't deny i would probably be like that when i'm learning a foreign language i have that position that's like they should respond to me in the language that i spoke to them in but like i mean they if they could mock you effortlessly you gave them the opening row so i know like white people in japan get
1:37:38 offended when they're trying to speak japanese to japanese people and the japanese people reply in english, but like you're learning a language. they're just living their life, bro. they're literally just trying to get to work, go home, like have lunch and shit like that. you're the one that's turning them into like your language partner. they didn't sign up for that. this isn't like a... you're not trading anything. you're not offering anything. you're only taking. so if they offer to speak japanese, that's great. but you know what? this is a lot like friday night magic.
1:38:12 where you get 2 0'd in 21 seconds by a guy who's been playing magic for like 30 years and then you gotta wait for the two friends who brought their decks in ziplock bags and don't know the rules to finish their round. like bros playing blue green merfolk. okay, really? in the esper meta he's playing blue green merfolk? okay. cards came in a ziplock bag.
1:38:38 esper met him i go and those motherfuckers start to play those dragons when the dragon comes out it's not enough that he's flying and these like usually like five seven or something like that greater toughness than attack type shit which is annoying as fuck and he takes three life from you when you play him on the board and this is my fucking friday night this is how i'm gonna spend my friday night now demir. okay demir is kind of cool because i love when you play like a creature and
1:39:08 and then the creature dies, like you use it to block. and then they're like, i bet i'll never see that creature again. and you're like, guess what buddy? boom, search your graveyard for another, for a creature and then put it on the board. and they're like, no, the tutu zombie with no other keywords that i thought i'd never see again. what could i possibly do? oh, i'm sorry. i'm thinking of golgari instead of dimir, my bad guys. i don't know the, i don't know the tribes that well.
1:39:41 torturing us with the music. this is the type of shit people will be listening to. people will like hear this song and then wrap their car with the artist who made this song. arumio sono was hanging out with mac demarco recently? that's pretty cool. who's mac demarco? by the way, it's not offensive to not know a guy. i'm not saying he's a bad musician. i just don't know. i've never been exposed to his stuff. i don't know who he is.
1:40:10 i don't know a lot honestly like until like five years ago i didn't even know who drake was. i got into him proactively because he won the beef so i invested i was like i gotta know about this guy he's the voice of the generation and now i know every drake song and every word that every drake song and i sing along all the time. you do? yeah bro. saw it written and i saw it say pink moon is on its way none of you stand so tall
1:40:40 pink moon gonna get you all it's a pink moon kendrick won the beef? bro, she wasn't even in pitch perfect 3. that's right, we're putting another wrinkle into the bit. she wasn't even in pitch perfect 3, bro. that was flula and rebel wilson. they didn't even play that one, she sings. you're gonna miss me when i'm gone you're gonna miss me by my hair you're gonna miss me by my stare tried the nick drake thing at work with my co workers, didn't work, need help?
1:41:12 i mean, i feel like the average person might not know who nick drake is at all. but you know what's crazy is that definitely more people, he was not unknown when i was a teenager, but he's way more well known now. you know what i realized? the indie ish, i mean, nick drake was dead for 30 years by the time i was listening to him, but the artists that were part of that like pitchfork
1:41:38 mew, sorry, i forgot the name of the 4chan board that copied their opinions from pitchfork much like i did but those artists that were part of like the indie zeitgeist in the 2000s seem more popular than ever now in 2026 and i know why it's because the normie millennials are watching barstool sports podcasts all day and
1:42:04 and the millennials who were listening to that shit, who were a little bit outside of the norm, are now still on the internet in these spaces.
1:42:15 telling me shit like...allowing me an environment to get into an argument about what the second best wolf parade album is. we all know the best one's apologies for the queen mary. fuck you if you think the second best one is mount zoomer. the second best one is expo 86, bro. it's got cabo sapien on it.
1:42:34 like, oh, shoot's too narrow is the best jin's album. yo, but shoot's too narrow is the best jin's album! i like, uh, oh inverted world. i like oh inverted world, but shoot's too narrow is the pinnacle of their sound. and then after, don't even give me, no, do not type wincing the night away, that's where they died to me!
1:42:55 and it pisses me off because now sometimes i'll be going out to brunch and i'll hear that fuck ass australia song. just take out my hand and we'll go down the window. no bro, play some kissing the lipless or some saint simon or something like that. and dude, you know what i never want to hear again in my fucking life? the combined one with the dude from the shins and the dude from modest mouse. never again.
1:43:26 what were they thinking? they were trying to get wings back together. they were trying to make an indie supergroup. was wings an indie supergroup? i should have said... islands, maybe. my bad. you're a fake islands head? you only like the hits? i only know the first album, okay? i don't know...
1:43:43 i listened to the single that they put out from the second album, creeper, but i never listened to the album. oh, i'm gonna have a crazy sale. the worst part now is that this is going to go later than 2 p.m., but i can't pass those savings on to my daughter's day camp. it's not like i can show up half an hour late for the day camp and be like, sorry, someone else made me 30 minutes late and i'm not gonna skip lunch.
1:44:11 so like the buck fucking stops with dad, the buck always stops with dad! yeah yeah, no, dad'll handle it, dad'll handle it, there'll be absolutely no compensating factor for it whatsoever. just shove the emotions deep down inside. and now i gotta play a south game in under 34 minutes. our game finished like 50 minutes ago.
1:44:38 our game finished 50 minutes ago. the good news is, a south game can't take more than 10 minutes. because sometimes my wife and i have plans to leave at a certain time, and then i'm like, are you getting ready to go? and she's like, oh, i just started a south game of mahjong. and i look at my watch and it's 10 minutes before the time that we agreed to leave somewhere. so surely a south game can't be longer than 10 minutes. otherwise, that wouldn't make any sense.
1:45:04 which side wins in a fight with every adam sandler character versus every patrick stewart character? duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
1:45:33 click is too op. have you guys heard, have i ever said this or have i only thought it? that we actually invented the click remote and it's social media because now people are, they are entering a time portal anytime they get bored that just takes them to the next time that they can't afford to be bored and i think honestly it's going to make people's lives seem so much shorter. like i bet if you grew up with
1:46:01 short form media, if you're like 23, you probably feel like you're like 40 years old because your life is whipping by so fast. you can't skip the interstitial moments, man. the interstitial moments are like that's the bulk of your life. if you skip that, your life is short as fuck. you got to learn to embrace the boredom. can i say something too about feeling the rain on your skin?
1:46:25 sometimes if you use an umbrella, people are like, oh i don't mind feeling a little water on me. bro, it's not the water. it's the fact that you don't know exactly where... it's unpredictable. it's a turbid chaotic system. you don't know where the water is going to hit you. i'm not worried about like getting hit by little water droplets. it's just unpleasant that i'm walking outside to take the recycling out and so i'm getting hit like... like little patterns that are impossible to predict.
1:46:56 it's overstimulating. it feels nice. one of us is fucked up. it might, honestly, i don't know. you're gonna say it's me, but then you're watching me, so maybe we're both fucked up. but if god got us, then we gonna be alright. and when i wake up, imagine, i recognize you're looking at me for the pay cut. let me tell you about my life. painkillers only put me in the twilight.
1:47:21 can't beat pink moon though. well, the only person who could make a song better than drake is drake. because honestly, i think parasite is actually a better song than pink moon. and i think riverman might actually be like kind of his magnum opus even though the album is not as good. brighter later's not the best album. you're like one of those fuckers who thinks wowie zowie's the best pavement album.
1:47:46 nobody knows what the best pavement album is, man. we've all been trying to figure out whether it's slanted and enchanted or crooked rain croo no, it's not wowie zowie, bro. it's it's good, but it's overstuffed, okay? that's the problem with a double album like that. it's not bright in the corners, you shady lane merchant. come on.
1:48:07 you're right about bon jovi, they're playing it in fucking dallas right now. nothing pisses me off more than when i say why does every american fifa game play bon jovi living on a prayer and then the americans go, i don't hear it. that's because you're getting skull fucked by ads during the hydration break. you commercial merchant. in the civilized parts of the world, we're just watching the players squirt a little bit of water in their mouth and then waiting 10 minutes for your ass to get back to the game.
1:48:35 i don't see why we should be punished with bon jovi just for not getting the ads. why do i get ads on tsn during the hydro breaks? well, i didn't watch the group stage on tsn. landlubber? let's put it that way. we love our land. wait, that's good. that's good. bureaucrat trump versus the based captain jack sparrow. we love our land, don't we? we do.
1:49:05 we hate that roguish cat. we don't like him. captain jack sparrow might use him. might use him from time to time. be a thorn in the side of the royal armada of spain. or le grand armée de france. but we don't like him. we don't let him. we don't let him dock here. yes! i heard he was moored on an island. very sad. he drank all the rum. who drank it? i think we know who drank it. i think we know who drank it, captain. game has ended.
1:49:42 kate said to restart round two. oh, what's the matter? did i not follow the script? was i playing too good? you thought i was gonna, you thought i was gonna follow the sixth round? i'm still standing? honest question, will the game autoplay? i have to leave pretty soon. wait, kate is saying, wait, so, so you're, i thought it was two south games, so i figured,
1:50:17 i'd be out by two, right? because now i'm hearing my earpieces rattling and saying, i think you're staying till four. every south game's supposed to take about an hour, but people pause their games because they're at the airport right now. i'm squeezing, i'm squeezing something in the air. i'm giving up on all my connection to the material world and i'm saying, you know, my wife said she's going to pick up our kid so that i can play my match.
1:50:56 but then there is a part of me that at the same time i'm like she's the one who has to start the lobby so i'm not even sure if that works but i guess i'll leave it in her hands because she's the admin and i'm a mere participant. uber for kids could be a new business, not a bad idea and here's what i'm thinking. minimize the capex by having them all ride in the same car, maybe paint it a color so that the kids know which car is theirs, maybe put some special
1:51:21 ppe on it so that other cars know not to pass it even though they pass it anyway when the bus has the audacity to stop for half a second. maybe make it magic. maybe make the teacher drive the bus. maybe have the bus have the ability to fly and change its size, become bigger or smaller at will. big enough to of course take them into outer space safely but also small enough to fit inside the human body almost in the intracellular space. how sick would it have been if
1:51:52 miss frizzle rescued scott lang from the quantum realm. if he was like, i don't think i'm ever gonna see my daughter again. and he's like falling through space and like all the shapes are going like this. but then what's the matter mr. lang? getting a little messy? making a few mistakes? who would play miss frizzle in the mcu? maybe christina hendricks with a messy bun? what you eating on? homemade sandwich. streamers are gonna hate
1:52:33 you see this? did not doordash, drove to the grocery store myself to get the ingredients, assembled myself by hand. now did i plant the grain? did i harvest the wheat? no, no, no. streamer doesn't doordash food? well, i'll tell you a story. actually dude, you mostly use uber eats when i do it. but okay, so i went to my parents' house yesterday. i brought my
1:53:00 my daughter over to see her grandparents and i was hanging out as well. and then i say, you know what? i'll buy lunch for everybody. excuse me. they have a restaurant they like that's literally across the road from them. so i said all on uber, all order and just set it for pickup. so i'll order everything that you guys want and then we'll just walk across to the restaurant and pick it up ourselves. so i made the order, thought i was a damn genius.
1:53:30 and then i start to be like, why is this taking so fucking long? like this should really only take like 15 minutes, 20 minutes to get the food ready. and i look at the app and it was like, waze driving to your house. and i was like, oh no! i accidentally was in the delivery tab. and now this poor dude is confused because he went to the restaurant and then i'm sure it pinged him on his app and was like, here's your destination. and it was just across the street.
1:54:01 so i did, oh shit, i did send him a message and the message said, it's literally across the street, i apologize. and then he just delivered the food and went, no problem. and i mean, the joke is on me because i ended up paying like more than i had to pay because delivery is big, carries a surcharge plus you tip the driver. so like, i guess it ended up being probably the best delivery of ways they, but
1:54:31 mostly just a funny story. i'm not too sore about it. but also i did think about coming out and like, like limping or something, like pretending to be like, like, like both of my legs are broken or something like that just so we wouldn't get the wrong idea. like it's my favorite restaurant, but i was recently, i recently had both legs crushed in a tragic workplace safety incident. and then i just really, really needed this
1:55:06 oooooooh! it's all been worth it! it's all been worth it to be able to run once! boom! that's richi bro! are candy apples part of japanese summer feels harvest coated? yeah sure why not? i got pissed off when i was in japan because it was like peak, i guess it wasn't golden week but it was peak like hanami season right like the cherry blossoms were cherrying
1:55:31 i went to a festival with friends of ours. it was easily the most people i've ever seen in one space in my entire life. then i find out it is like the biggest park in tokyo. i didn't know that when i got off the train, okay? but either way, so it's my fault for not knowing there would be a ton of people there. they were like, do you want to grab some food? there's like six food trucks. i was like, this could take... oh! oh, sweet baby! wait for it. reechie, ura. that's everything the body needs right there.
1:56:05 second place, baby. yeah! we waited in line for the food truck. we were like 20 people deep in the line. i honestly thought that it would take an hour because that's how it takes in vancouver. i had the chicken karaage and the french fries in my hand. seven minutes maybe? absolutely. and nobody but in line or anything. it was a totally fine experience. they did a great job. they got the stuff out real quick.
1:56:35 where was this? it was in ueno park in tokyo, japan. i'm developing a new moisturizer called poop moisturizer. can you guess what the primary ingredient in it is? i'm gonna level with you, holistic poop doctor. i bet it's water.
1:56:52 it feels like all those things. you're like, oh, i'm so excited to have a dr. pepper zero. then all of a sudden, catch me looking at the ingredient list. what do you mean it's water? which is why it was actually so crazy. i had some kettle corn while i was away. kettle corn is basically just a big bag of popcorn, right? with some toppings on it. number one ingredient, corn syrup. i couldn't believe it.
1:57:20 i was like, damn, there must be the amount of sugar in this to make corn not the number one ingredient in popcorn is like staggering. so i was like, i can't eat that. that's just like, that's not healthy. so i just gave it to my five year old instead. a beautiful curve, good weight, but i think it's a little light in the... oh! oh, oh, oh, oh. knock, knock, knocking on chiblees. d'oh, oh.
1:57:58 he does kind of sounds like he would not get that. chiblee would not get that reference. god, i hope chiblee marries someone whose favorite song is sweet child of mine. it would be so funny. chiblee's first wedding dance was the sweet child of mine.
1:58:20 and she's did well they i don't know they're playing the bass but like no bass just with the air they're not inviting you bro, i'm probably going to officiate that shit. i'm like they're adam sandler maybe statistician wait, i can do this statistician
1:58:45 chapel rowan be like, is it causal now? i like that too because you could be like it's a statistician chapel rowan introducing her husband. this is my statistically significant other. she's a lesbian. one lesbians can have husbands. so you're the one that's not woke. not me. not me. i'll always be woke. two. you didn't let me finish her husband's business partner. yeah. yeah. that'll work.
1:59:27 extra long stream? yeah, and apparently it's only just begun. technically we're only halfway through the mahjong portion of the stream. did you know what you signed up for? wires might have gotten crossed. oh shit. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. it touched the hole. it touched the hole. fuck you. fuck you. wait, wait, i got some pings. if you guys just want to play for fun, we can run some games now.
2:00:08 no, no, no, no. wait, wait, thanks for hosting. thanks for jogging. is it? is it over? it's been over for like 30 minutes. i was told there would be four games due to unexpected time constraints. we're stopping the round here. the bottom six are out and next week the bottom 12 will be cut after each round for a total of 24 players cut.
2:00:32 it's actually gonna blow my kid's mind that like since the last time she saw me till now i've been live the whole time. he's gonna freak out. yeah, i should probably get out of here. i'm getting like a killer headache from all the overworking. oh, my head is killing me man. oh, hard day at the office today. we gotta do something about you? well, can i say, listen, i actually feel fine, but in my own defense, i have been up since like 5.08 in the morning.
2:01:06 it's not... like i'm not saying i'm the only streamer who's waking up early, but you're not seeing me at the very start of my day. i'm like, oh! like i'm closer to the end of my day than i am to the start of my day at this point, which might be kind of mind blowing when you think about it, but it's true, man. hot take, but most minecraft parodies have better writing than top 40 music. see, that's interesting.
2:01:34 that's interesting because there's a lot of shit. there are a lot of both of these. well, let me put it this way. all minecraft music that's parody driven is either or that's parody is either all minecraft music that's either parody. all minecraft music. this is where i would put up the doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. i'm having technical difficulties phrasing the sentence. all minecraft music is made. that's all minecraft music. that's parody.
2:02:06 is written for one of two reasons. one is for profit, and there really are like sometimes my kid will be listening to minecraft music and there will be like a band that is just like dedicated to fairly low effort or bizarrely way too high effort minecraft songs that are like just too sincere that are actually about having an adventure in minecraft instead of just like changing you know dynamite to tnt. or
2:02:37 for fun, which i'm assuming keenan's are because i mean not that they don't take a ton of work but i mean they're just designed to bring a smile to your face instead of to trick five year olds into listening to it. just put a torch against the door of experience bar and grill. i don't remember all the lyrics so i'm just gonna say i was the whining stranger a fool in love with mobs to kill
2:03:08 now, i actually think in a way that makes minecraft parodies more cynical. keenan, except it makes minecraft parodies more cynical than top like in a weird way, more corporate than top 40 music. but i can't deny that like a dude in his bedroom with a microphone making a minecraft parody. definitely like to me that hits harder than like we got a team of producers to make like a
2:03:34 a song that people who have never been to a club think you would listen to at a club and dance to. how about, yeah, wait, wait, wait, got my pick stuck in a skeleton's throat. got my pick stuck in a skeleton's throat. the hole is chail shawnin. that's right, i'm imagining, i'm giving the hole too much power. i should pretend i'm wanderlei.
2:04:07 even if the hole is chael sonnen, because he got close, man. baltimore chop ass hit. why do my kid laugh at that? no shot my kid knows what a baltimore chop is. she's growing up in the shohei era. she only knows home runs and launch angles. fuck it, we go tomorrow. i'm falling backwards after stopping the subway train like peter parker in spider man 2. i need the city to carry me home. i guess i'm gonna send you over to my wife's stream. i think she's still alive.
2:04:46 is she still live? i hear her talking up there. you want to get to him? you gotta go through me. all right, later y'all. i'll be back tomorrow. later. once on the first day, some of me and terry became friends. paddie vane to leave the fires we was born in. catchy rides to the outskirts, time fading between our teeth. sitting in the old abandoned beach house, getting wasted in the heat and hiding out.
2:05:17 and then you just insert the earlier part in there. hiding in the back rooms, hiding in the back rooms, hiding in the back rooms, hiding in the back rooms. you know what i'm talking about? well alright! hiding in the back rooms, hiding in the back rooms.
2:05:39 hiding in the back rooms hiding in the back rooms hiding in the back rooms hiding in the back rooms spiral that i think you saw saw a cast of missing southern drawl close your eyes and i'll kiss you cause with the birds i shur the birds i shur this lonely night
2:06:07 scum's sucked against the wall young tough girl in a scarlet drawl whipped goodbye to me and my old cuz with the birds i shared the average red hot chili pepper sauce ass fucked in a bathroom stall saw caster mr. know it y'all going down down baby in a range rover boom boom baby ready to let it go
2:06:36 cocoa puff, take a puff, pass it to me now can't stop the questions, space was combat took 30 damage, it was unblocked when you bring your friend to karaoke and you realize they don't know the song's rhyme, no disrespect at home, drawing pictures of, of mountaintops with him on top, lemon yellow sun arms raised in a v
2:07:05 while the dead lay in pools of maroon below daddy didn't give affection an effect that mommy didn't get may have found a way to kill me yet eyes burn with sting and swear seems every path leads me to nowhere
2:07:44 maybe it is. maybe it's peter griffin.
2:08:11 the bird is on fire with passionate love the neighbors complain about the noises above but she only screams when she's on top oh no, you know what i'm talking about? she thinks she's so pretty