we need cwow - Bits and Banter [05⧸22⧸2026]

Name: we need cwow - Bits and Banter [05⧸22⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-05-25
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "we need cwow - Bits and Banter [05⧸22⧸2026]" — 231 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-05-25

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0:00 all right, we've been having a discussion in the discord about there's this lyric in lfo's summer girls, which is also what the title is in reference to. he says, the fell in love once but now we ain't speaking. michael j. fox was alex p. keaton. but he says, where is it here? let me scroll up.
0:19 let me scroll up and mute for my burp. it's when he says, stayed all summer then went back home. macaulay culkin wasn't home alone. we've been talking about this in the discord because he was home alone. he was home alone for almost the entire time that his family was away. the wet bandits were in the house for less than half an hour, man. that's still home alone.
0:43 there were two other guys there for like a couple of minutes. that's like saying, oh no, i wasn't by myself all night. the pizza delivery guy was there. the pizza delivery, oh, so the pizza delivery guy is nothing. he's nothing to you. we had a whole conversation about like what i'm doing tonight and what i'm going to eat for dinner.
1:03 might seem dumb, but maybe he's talking about jesus. oh shit. wait, maybe. you're never alone. i see where you're it's like a... well, what about when there was only one set of footprints type read of this? yeah, okay. when i met you i said my name was rich. you look like a girl from abercrombie and fitch. well, who, interestingly enough,
1:26 certainly 100% of the time, or not 100% of the time, but the first time i ever heard about abercrombie & fitch as a rural canadian child was in this song. curious that it's so much more associated with men's fashion than women's fashion. you were rural? i know, it's crazy.
1:45 i might be the first motherfucker from lenox in addington county to watch atome egoyan's 1989 film speaking parts. i don't think that's true. there's a lot of people... there were people running used bookstores out there and stuff like that. every girl had abercrombie and fitch clothes when i was in high school. i went to high school during a garage era for sure. all the cool girls wore garage clothes.
2:11 i don't know if i've ever even been inside of the store, but i do know that from the outside looking in, they named the store appropriately because it looked like a garage in there. and then like when they went to university, they might start bumping the le chateau. no tna, more of a west coast thing, i'm afraid.
2:31 didn't know about tna until i moved out over here. you said before fox in the snow is a skip, gonna need an explanation for that one? well, okay, nothing on if you're feeling sinister is a skip. if there was a skip, i do think it might be fox in the snow to be honest. it's fox in the snow or mayfly. if you gotta skip, gun to your head, you gotta skip one. that's one of the better songs. i heavily disagree. i mean, stars of track and field, seeing other people, me in the major, dylan in the movies,
3:00 judy and the dream of horses, if you're feeling sinister. i mean, getting rid of those songs is sacrosanct. it can't be done. it's anathema. fox in the snow is not the best song on the album. me and the major is not the skip. oh my fucking god. oh my god. mayfly is not better than judy and the dream of horses.
3:20 she went under the covers with a torch. she fell asleep until it was morning. she dreamed about the girl who stole a horse. you don't fucking appreciate adolescent melancholy, bro. you don't fucking appreciate it. you probably gave i saw the tv glow a four and we are all going to the world's fair at two and a half. you probably don't fucking get it. you don't
3:43 you don't know what it's like to vlog on a picnic table behind a goodwill in the middle of an ontario winter. what a song, man. i do know when he says, i get up, i get down. she's saying that she'll take the blame for the crucifixion.
3:58 you don't have to do that. they were doing that to like all sorts of people back in the day. you ain't special, jesus. lots of folks were getting crucified back then. at least two other thieves in him? yeah, but that's like just that fucking day, man. like, jesus wasn't the first motherf they weren't like doing a soft launch of a new execution method on jesus. they hit him with the old reliable, man.
4:19 it's like they didn't... john coffey wasn't the first dude they hit with the electric chair, right? they probably tried it out on like some... i was gonna say like some... some lab animals first or something. i don't know how they test execution methods, man.
4:34 maybe they just tested on some people that are like in prison for shoplifting to make sure it really works on the on the people who are on death row. because that would be really embarrassing. it would be really embarrassing if it if it didn't work on death row. you'd be like just throw it on some people that are in here for like in the drunk tank or something first. that's right. we're back with noun town. are you guys gonna i you might not know what youtube was like okay in like 2010.
5:01 there used to be a series by miss hannah minx called j woww. it was japanese word of the week. so i think unfortunately, like she would teach you one word of japanese and then like do some push ups or something like that. if she had still been
5:19 doing that she stopped like 12 14 years ago something like probably like 18 years ago now but if she had still been doing that we would now know almost 40 japanese words we would we would almost be at the point where we could live in japan seamlessly and be accepted almost as if we were japanese we would be we would be borderline fluent at this point so if you're watching this on youtube and
5:42 get tricked, okay? get tricked. you do not need to watch other content because this content is a funny and will also teach you chinese. you just have to watch 10,000 videos of it. you only need sumimasen. that's not true. you need sumimasen and daijoubu desu. if you know daijoubu desu, you're set bro. because they literally you'll go into a restaurant and point to something on the menu and then they'll say something to you and you just go daijoubu desu. as long as you have like low standards. if you have high standards, you can't
6:11 i mean, then you gotta learn japanese to be honest with you. but if you're like, hey, i just bring out whatever we got. what if they say we don't have that? that's okay. that's fine. i'll just sit here, i guess.
6:24 then give a one star review in english that's like, the service was really slow, my food never came out, then i had to go. i do also need to say, and i'm not saying this like, from a sense of self inflated importance or inflated self importance, i felt like a fucking boss this morning. so i dropped my kid off at school, then i went to the coffee shop, six people in line at the coffee shop, i was number seven,
6:49 how appropriate, waited for 15 seconds and then said, nah this shit's gonna take forever walk the fuck out. i said i said i'm getting out of here. i felt like i got aura out of that and it wasn't like i mean honestly i looked at it and i was like i probably won't be late if i if i wait here but i might cut it really fucking close.
7:11 but genuinely i was like, no, it's just... and you know what? i wasn't trying to oramog the employees. the manager should hire another person. a guy who played diner bros on wednesday, the manager should hire another person to fucking deal with the rush that happens, man.
7:28 the manager needs to have another person on the morning rush because i'm not sitting here waiting 15 minutes for an iced americano. it's not going to happen, man. but you know what felt awesome? well, what happens after the rush? okay, schedule them for like a split shift and if... oh no, we have one person making 12 bucks an hour at a place where coffees are nine bucks. like, what do you think? you're going to make it work, man. small businesses are liars is what i'm trying to say. you know what felt good as fuck too?
7:58 now i don't recommend doing this. if you're in high school, cover your ears. but those of us who have graduated from college, oh man. when you go to a lecture in university and like five minutes in you get the vibe that dude's just going to be reading off the slides the whole time and you pack your shit up like spongebob and say, all right, i'm a head out. and then you or a farm by like walking down the steps of the auditorium, like out the door behind the professor. like this shit ain't worth my time.
8:27 it felt so good. just don't do it too much. don't don't do it too much because you'll it'll hurt your gpa. but like a couple of times a semester, couple of times a semester goes crazy. wondering if i'm the pebble that starts the avalanche. that's what it's all about, man. happy anniversary. thank you, vip daniel. it is indeed my anniversary. congratulations to my wife, my beautiful wife, celebrating 12 years of
8:56 being married to a bald goblin, a hairless ogre, made of lumps of meat. my beautiful, elegant spouse over a decade now. being married to kind of a homunculus pulled from the microwave 30 seconds before the ding went off. some kind of troll. yes. some kind of a creature that
9:25 would it would have you would have expected them to maybe hit the hobbits over the head but actually
9:31 they demonstrate a surprising amount of humanity for something so hideous, etc, etc. don't say i'm like if someone started to shave a kiwi and then gave up. i know you fucking took that from the comments of a picture under jeff bezos now that he's got that new fucking like half beard that he's got going on. i know you, meg resta, i don't want to do this, but i know you fucking stole that from like a jeff bezos headshot, right? be so fucking for real.
9:58 kate, good morning. are you ready? well, first thing i gotta do is some revision, right? i forgot how to access that. revise now? okay, if they're gonna ask me for 32 items, i honestly think i might remember like... you know what? the first thing we should do is go to the fucking dictionary and try to remember some of these, because it's been a fucking while. lanzi. lanza. lanza.
10:21 it's been a day. i'm just telling you, and i mean this with all sincerity, like you're looking at a 37 year old basically like as good as it gets.
10:31 so if you're like 21 and you're like why don't you remember everything you learned yesterday? buckle up motherfucker because you're seeing like someone who's in the top decile of remembering shit and the the bucket's full of holes dear eliza dear eliza. so if you're like i won't be like that when i'm 37 you gotta you got another thing coming rob halford, okay? so i'm really doing my best but i gotta reinforce it like crazy. fung yu. fu liang. feng mi.
11:02 it's feng mi. it's feng mi. it's not feng yu, bro. we're at austin powers mode. feng mi. feng mi. keozi. keozi. zeng. zeng. guangpan. kuaizi. zhou chui. pijiao. keozi. guangpan. bingjilin. keozi.
11:34 i said i wanted to get 30. i don't know how to get 30. it's chopsticks and box sound exactly the same in my head. when it were my ear, i should say. when i hear them, like chopstick, if chopsticks and box are both on the table, they sound exactly the same to me.
11:51 this again? well, i'm telling you, like, here's the thing. kate, because she's my spouse, she gave me more grace than you do as chat. but she was like, i was watching you and i was kind of losing my mind going like, why is he saying that this is what it sounds like? then i realized he just doesn't hear it. he just doesn't hear it. and it's true, because i realize my ears are not trained to hear all sounds.
12:13 for 37 years i've been filtering them through a firmware that is like listen for english phonemes. so i hear like the actual air that makes a mandarin phoneme is entering my ear and my brain is going you don't need to worry about that, that's nothing. i've never, i don't know how, i don't know what to do with that piece of information. so it comes in and for me i just hear
12:36 i hear either kuai zi, which is like chopsticks, or he zi, which is box, but i only catch like just the faintest whiff of the pie cooling on the windowsill. we're gonna get more, we're gonna lock in here though. ke zi. pen zai. oh, of course it's a plant. bing ji lin. yin xiang. rau chuan.
13:08 what are you doing? no, wait, honestly, take me out. take me out. escape, we don't deserve this one. we don't deserve, we need to restart. i'm not gonna, for 15 seconds, i'm not gonna do it, because i succumbed to weakness and tried to just, i didn't listen for the word. i tried to basically just go fast and do gamer tech. i tried to buffer one. this is not an honest score here.
13:40 先為, 先為, 我為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為, 先為,
14:20 we fucking lock in on that. okay, now we're done. now we're fucking talking. now we are fucking talking. new high score. we don't need to beat that. that's gonna be tough. is this a new mario party minigame? oh, imagine.
14:40 oh, it would be such a good bit to become fluent in mandarin and then host lobbies for everybody but host them in mandarin but like not tell them until we got in and then mario's like saying some shit in chinese and they'd be like what's going on? i'd be like oh sorry guys i forgot i had it in mandarin.
15:08 my bad, man, my bad. don't we get a new seed, bro? i thought we got a new seed today. shusan, shusan, susan, shusan, shusan. that's the number 13. in my culture, that's a very auspicious number. shusan, what do you mean your culture? canadians? we don't like the number 13, bro. why not? first part of the hotel or something, i can't remember. plus that dude with the hockey mask.
15:42 dona, oh shit, this is gonna have a repeated word at the start too. shan shan quan. tian tian quan. no, no, that's the same one. tian tian quan. tian tian quan. tian tian quan. tian tian quan. tian tian quan. tian tian quan. tian tian quan. tian tian quan.
16:22 tian, tian, qun, it means sweet, sweet circle. that's fucking awesome, man. but then, tian is different than xian and they're both sweet. like a pie is also a sweet circle. so what does xian bing mean? jian is filling.
16:51 jian is sweet. i think i might be here for a while, man. oh, it means filled. it's a filled cake. oh okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
17:29 i don't even need the damn pinion. pretty sure my ancestors invented that one. the game being insNLy strict for loanwords is a great bit. if taco is so funny to me, like i'm saying it right. i'm saying it right.
17:52 i know how to say taco. and meanwhile, i'm like, say dan and they're like, yeah, good enough white boy and i'm like, taco. that's not quite my tempo. that's not quite my tempo. pisa, literally mother fuck you. i don't give a shit about that. they're gonna know what i'm saying. hong cha, hong cha. hong cha. oh shit, i can read. i can read mandarin, hong cha.
18:24 nah, it's just the same in korean. i mean, i'm not mad that the bakery is like all pizzas or whatever and pastries. it seems pretty normal, but i'm... i wanna progress. no! no shot. no shot.
19:04 我是個面面
19:43 oh, i thought for sure! i fucking i sold out for that one, man! i sold out for that one! mm mm. mò xì gè zhèn bíng. mò xì gè zhèn bíng. mò xì gè zhèn bíng. mò xì gè zhèn bíng. mò xì gè zhèn bíng. holy sh holy shit! holy shit! mò xì gè zhèn bíng.
20:27 i'm clipping this to kill you in the future culture courts. bro, we're headed into the chinese century, okay? i think if you put this shit in front of a chinese judge in like 2071, they would be like, this guy's awesome. wow, this guy's funny as fuck. if in 2071 it's not a chinese judge, they'd probably be saying, you can't do that. it's problematic for a white guy to try to learn chinese. i think a chinese judge would probably be like, damn, this guy's working his ass off to try to interface with us.
20:59 we gotta give him some respect! it means cow horn bun? oh shit, wait, wait, i actually caught a phoneme in there. wait, this might unironically be easier for you for burrito? moshi ke chen chun bin? moshi ke chun bin? is that what burrito is in korean? i thought for sure they would have just gone with like, bú rí tô, or something like that. yeah, they say burrito. i mean, like, depending on where you are, they might just say, i'll take a burrito please, to be honest.
21:32 state of english education in south korea is like insNLy good. and it wasn't because i was over there teaching them. let me tell you. those kids know how to study. let's put it that way. three more until we officially hit fluency in mandarin chinese. that felt so good. fuck it, they'll take it.
22:16 cooker. is this rice cooker specifically? dien fang guo. electric rice pot. well, i'm literally by learning one compound word, i'm learning like all of chinese because i'm learning three words in one word. that one word was three words, bro. dien fang guo.
22:49 he's never going to get the tones right, is he? guy who's on his second day of learning mandarin chinese. what an insane... what would be enough for you? what would be enough for you, yo hiss? twitchcon 2022 amsterdam. okay, wait. let's see what your life's all about. 680 messages total. oh my god, account created august 17th, 2011.
23:15 oh no, no, no. no, no, no, no, no. you were on the website for 11 years and you still went to twitchcon as a viewer? not as a streamer, but as you were on the website for 11 years and went, yeah, yeah. i'll go to twitchcon and you. i'm not flaming, i'm just saying. you didn't really say much of anything. you referenced a tyler1 clip there. do you have anything to say that speaks to, you know, like the clarity of your spirit or whatever? caught, cool man.
23:47 so no, basically. leave unk alone? it's crazy to think they might be my age. this one's for you. you're lucky. you're fucking lucky. i'm 28, 28 still young. crazy how you've set yourself up to be exactly the age in 2011 that you would have to be to legally be able to make your twitch account. that's very interesting to me. it's funny.
24:25 50 or 28 15 years ago when you made your account you would have been exactly 13 now it happened i'm sure it happens every day. it's just a little gratuitous okay, but i actually am 28. okay. well well king of the hip hop one moment, please okay, your account was created in 2011. you did a lot. you did a huge gravity assist on that individual i was so ready to click on your profile and have a say like account created 2017 and use it as like a compare and contrast but actually you gave them a lot of
24:58 you gave them a lot of cover with that. this one i always get confused on. guang guangpan. guangpan. holy shit. that's crazy. that would that must be how i felt when i was like a baby and i was like pointing at something and then went like, that looks like a guangpan. that's fucking crazy. guangpan.
25:30 oh shit, that came from somewhere deep within me, man. juzhou, juzhou, juzhou. my god, it's the first time i've ever heard it as an r. it's the first time i've ever heard it as an r. all yesterday i heard it as a j. sun, ming, chu. i'm going up on the last one, i think. i'm going up on the last one. sun, ming, chu.
26:03 i don't know why when i start trying to speak chinese i move my head like keanu reeves when he's acting. that was tone 3. dispense a seed plus learn its color. i've already done that, man. i don't remember what silver is but i've already done it.
26:55 we definitely bugged the game because that is not as loud as this is supposed to be. that was way too loud. driving to progress, drive the delivery robot, complete one round of directions. oh shit. don't pay northeast. shit, here we go boys. death stranding 3 in chinese. yes, sir.
27:43 in front of the stairs. good delivery, you picked the right location. what the fuck? are you ready for this shit? i'm locking the fuck in his bowling.
28:35 he's done it? is this just overnight language tapes for millennials who yearn for passive learning? this is active learning, man. we're listening to and speaking mandarin chinese. this is an honest question. are you homeschooled? because it might be different if you're homeschooled. i don't know what the fuck you were doing, man. you might have just been watching tv or something that would explain
29:07 the roles that we have in the relationship that we're in right now, parasocially, the doer and the observer. but this is an example of active learning. it's very active. we had like two hour classes and a little bit of a break. actually, that seems hard. that's the only thing i worry about homeschool is that not that it would be too easy, but we actually make it too difficult. because honestly, i went to public school.
29:30 i don't wanna ruffle any feathers, but you only move as fast as the slowest kid. so it means you do a little bit, you'd be on a 72 minute class, you'd spend like 15 minutes learning something, maybe 20, 25 minutes demonstrating that you can do it and then 40 minutes doing word searches while the teacher helps two or three kids wrap their heads around it. so i think if it was homeschooled, you might end up actually going a little bit too far, doing too much work then is appropriate for a child of that age.
30:00 how many classes a day? i don't remember. it's been a while. all i know is when i was in school, it started at 6 a.m. and it ended at like 8 p.m. and now that my kid's in school, it starts at like 11 30 a.m. and it ends at 1. like something, something happened man. and they get like every second day off. no it did not. it, it, spiritually it did. spiritually it did.
30:23 it ended at 8pm. by the time you factor in the snack and the episode of the simpsons that was on channel 11 after the school bus dropped you off at home, and then like thinking about doing your homework and stuff like that, hang on, i've gotta be the other side of chinese here. nǐ zài nǎ lì gōng zuò. nǐ zài nǎ lì gōng zuò. nǐ zài nǎ lì gōng zuò. nǐ zài nǎ lì gōng zuò.
30:53 我们一个咗面,你们? 我们爱咗面? 我们爱咗面? 我们爱咗面? 我们爱咗面? 我们爱咗面? 我们爱咗面?
31:26 woah, zai... shui xiao gong zuo? yeah, i've absolutely no idea what that means. this place is feeling better already. there's a bunch of there's a fucking... mian fang gua on the floor, bro! not even it's bubbling! the mian fang gua isn't even plugged into anything! what do you like? ni xi huan shem me. ni xi hua shem me? ni xi huan shem me?
31:57 you gotta slow down buddy. i like getting tips. damn.
32:29 anything else? damn, he said let me get back to work. this is no way to learn a language. you know what i've noticed? i draw a lot of analogies from when i lost like 40 pounds and people started talking to me different. and i'm not talking about the people who didn't give me the time of day when i was a little bit pudgy and now they're like, what can i get for you today? okay, that's a different story. i'm talking about the motherfuckers that are like, be careful.
32:57 exercising and eating healthy, you don't want to get too skinny. i actually heard it's a little bit better to be a little chubby than to like lose weight and then just gain it back and you're probably just gonna gain it back anyway which is harder on your heart so you should just be careful is all i'm trying. i'd rather be healthy like that's the thing.
33:22 so a lot of similarities between that and a white boy learning mandarin chinese day too. people are saying shit like it'll never work even if it oh, oh imagine it works but you have a beijing accent. oh that would be so horrible. it would be so horrible if i accidentally through gaming learned enough mandarin chinese to have a basic conversation but i had an accent that made people think i was from beijing! are you listening to yourself? also
33:51 i'm having fun! it's a fun game too! it's like that wizard game where you yell to cast spells but like you can trick yourself into thinking you're learning something. and you know what? even like a year from now i might not remember, but i might still at least know... rochuan! if i'm ever at yakiniku with some other like parents, i could point to a meatscuber and go... rochuan! cafe! exac they might get a chuckle out of it, exactly. cafe!
34:21 socks. what? what? if we could get the zed eye locked in, it would do a lot for my aura farming. it would be like having four sunflowers down within the first 60 seconds of a plants vs zombies round. what? damn, it is like a high hat. but what's the doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
34:58 you know what, can anybody else do the stone roses guitar from she bangs the drum? how, how, how, how? see it? would you do rosetta stone on stream? i guess like if i wanted to learn like the little boys on top of the airplane or something like that. i'm not looking down on rosetta stone, but i mean, i will never forget what airplane is in korean as a result of that. what happened in the mandarin lessons? bro, he's busy right now. he's in theaters with grogu.
35:30 starting fucking today, i think. starting right now, dude. you know what's crazy is that like trailers don't even tell you if a movie is good anymore. they just say filmed in imax. movies suck now? i watched uh, speaking parts, the 1989 adam egoyan film. and i'll tell you, some movies suck then too. that's actually, i mean like it's...
35:53 the movie's definitely going for something. i'm not saying that i was the right type of fella to figure out what that was. okay, i definitely can't take this guy. don't call it speaking farts. he had... he was going for something. why are tornadoes just a north american thing? wait, that's kind of interesting. i never really thought about it. probably because they're fake. no, that's obviously insane. maybe it's the geography of the great plains or something. i don't know.
36:23 the interaction between the rockies and the plains is what i'm hearing from the experts. kind of crazy like how much of life just comes down to like the interactions of like physical components with one another, you know what i mean? wait, what did you mean by that? well, like we like to think that we're you know elevated beings we operate on like a more advanced plane.
36:44 like sometimes it'd be like damn why do i feel so bad? like why am i so grumpy today? and then you realize you have like a little gas bubble in your stomach or something like that. you're like i have a sensation of physical discomfort that has a knock on effect on my advanced psychological functions. they were kind of onto something with the humors. like obviously it's not a hundred percent, that's crazy but there are definitely some times i'm like i bet
37:11 honestly, if i had some black bile drain from my body today, it might be good. that's all i'm saying. all right, i guess i'll die again. i guess i'll die again as i always do on dates. i guess i'll die again like i always do on day two because i never take a dodge cuz i never see a dodge. you had one? well, i had the default one that sucks man. didn't see cappy. i mean, the worst part is i saw him and i just said no, i'd win.
37:37 you can also do passive runs. i'd rather die to animals than die to mushrooms, i'm sorry to say. whatever. everything is crab developers, you're innocent, okay? don't listen to what i'm about to say next. slay the spire 2 is the gold, man. slay the spire 2 wouldn't do that to me. let's go with extra fish. yeah, and then let me get the fish, cuz these guys mercilessly kill the fish. and definitely don't look at the fact that there's a bunch of plus twos in chat. there's literally no reason for me to have pitted you against each other.
38:06 it's not a competition, but they would be losing if it was. well, like, listen, i might not even be the best streamer of all time, i don't know. i'm also thinking one viable strategy in this game. design yourself to look like an animal actually looks like in this environment irl. i'm green and i have abs. that's extraordinarily desert coated. there are a lot of animals in the animal kingdom with abs. but honestly, that's because they haven't invented, like, fucking, like, deer oreos yet.
38:38 like, just to be honest, i don't mean to be dismissive, but it's easier for other animals to be jacked. they spend all day outside running for their lives and hunting for food, and i'm sure they're at a caloric deficit most of the time. punctuated by very, very rare phases of extreme caloric surplus, if i had to guess. what's your excuse? i mean, food tastes good. food tastes insNLy good and is relatively abundant.
39:08 and it tastes good as fuck, man. and also i'm doing alright, but it does taste good as fuck. it's what our ancestors would have wanted. how is anyone here like a hundred years old? how many generations have to go by until you don't like give a fuck about someone being related to you? so like obviously, you'd love your kids. you love your grandkids.
39:33 you don't often get to have too many conversations with your great grandparents. i met them, but they were like all eight of them or whatever were gone when i was like three or something like that. the great grandkids like they can't love the great grandkids as much as they love their grandkids. i'm sorry. it's just if a 90 year old was like, yes, i love my grand, my great grandkids as much as i love my grandkids, i would be like, come on. that just seems impossible.
40:01 that seems insane. they're supposed to be like the closer in proximity, all other things being equal, the more special they should be. we get two generations above that. if you get two generations above that great, great, great grandparents, would they give a fuck? like if they were in a time machine, do you think they would be like, i'm going to, well, actually that's a little different. cause i would definitely like seek out my
40:26 my like sixth generation descendants just to be like are you still bald do you walk on your toes like i think i would learn a little bit about myself but what's crazy is like people in chat are like yeah it's fucked up when's the last time you called your grandma motherfucker some of you probably like within the last month but some of you who are like oh i see her like twice a year and she's always talking about some stuff that i don't care about so shit rolls in both directions man you ain't special
40:53 three times a week until she died. you're actually like, you're a prince of maine and a king of new england, bro. that's a lot. i come here to be told off inadvertently. honestly, i have to say, i respect my chatters because we do, i mean, we get a little judgmental here. and i, if you've come back over the years,
41:13 despite occasionally having, you know, like a lens turned on you. i think that says something about your spirit. and i do the same for myself. like a lot of these bits come at my own expense as well, to be fair. because there are like so many other places on this website that'll just coddle you. and for the low price of like $6.99 usd a month will tell you, you're so special and it's everyone else's fault. they would, oh.
41:41 they would go cr there's a line around the block to be the next person to do it. not me though. not not me. will you check in to see how recent the most recent sponsored stream was? nah. me man. we keep things pretty real around here. never forget you getting me for liking the love guru? well, i mean like you can like it and it's actually i think it's interesting when people like stuff that sucks but like the love guru is insNLy bad.
42:11 which makes you a more interesting person for being able to articulately explain why you actually like it. what do you guys think you'd rather be? and like it's gonna be bad, so just start with like that in mind. you think you'd rather be like one of 10,000 plankton sucked up into the baleen of a whale, obviously consumed, or be like one big
42:37 pachyderm or something like that taken down by a pack of like hundreds of smaller creatures that have all colluded to take you down. which one do you think you would rather be? and then i guess the follow up question would be why? like what's the reasoning for it? i do agree, by the way. i think it would feel really bad.
43:02 to be like an elephant and then have like a bunch of little hyenas or something take bites out of me. while i was just, i was gonna say minding my own business but i guess you can't really mind your own business in the animal kingdom that much like that's kind of a human concept. you ever have a rock climbing arc? i'm sorry to say i never had a rock climbing arc. oh my god i actually got hit once. i've always been bottom heavy and it's society that's changed.
43:31 sometimes the bottom heavy build is appreciated. i would say we're in one of those times right now to be honest. i do always get surprised when i meet a skinny guy who's not into rock climbing though. because it feels like he's like wasting his potential. if you're built like lance from speaking parts and you're not down at the climbing gym, like maybe you're just not fucking with it but at the same time i'm like you could fucking clean up there. you could become one of those guys who's always got like the chalk bag around his belt going like
44:03 i'm a cardio guy. i could see that too. i could see that too. if you're lanky though, 5'10", 135, okay, you should be down at the climbing gym. you should be, you should keep your fingernails trimmed and do some serious bouldering for sure. i know you're climbing the fucking, the kingda ka that just has quarters super glued to the rocks. don't say how about eight inches in thick, okay? that's glib. that's glib.
44:33 did you see kory's new steam profile pic? oh shit. kate's in the damn chat. it must be good. okay, so it definitely, i don't know. okay, now i see it. it's a cat. there's a cat's face, but 100% in the small picture, it looks like a lady's bent over in front of the camera with no pants on. i think like it's an optical illusion. i need him to change that. i don't want, i'm not getting in the game with him.
45:03 with this shit on the screen, the google ai doesn't know, man. the google ai doesn't know that that's like an optical illusion. what is wrong with this 40 year old man? is it also like, it looks kind of like a... like the cat smoking a blunt? it looks so bad. it's a toxic image, but it is really funny. you can describe in detail, but pictures are too far. yeah, man. i mean, it doesn't make sense to me either.
45:32 don't take that shit up with me, you gotta take that shit up with the... you know, the platform holders. technology kind of rendered our imaginations useless. i would push back on that. i could rotate an apple in my head, no problem man. maybe that's because like the only reason i use ai is like for medical advice so like my brain is not getting as atrophied as the average person's. they're calling him a being specifically optimized to rage bait.
46:02 i can't believe it but the picture was exactly as described. rotate the apple on its y axis. what's crazy is that i'm doing it, but i also broke it out into like words in my head.
46:17 i feel like i fed my brain a string of english words when it will start with the stem of the apple coming closer to the lens of the camera. like, and then it will continue rotating in an anti clockwise direction relative to the... yeah, i think that, to be honest with you, i think i... you prompted my... i prompted my own brain! you prompted me to prompt my brain! i had to look up this link while i was waiting for my dentist. that's classic though, librarian.
46:48 be me the appointments at 230 i show up 228. oh, we'll be with you shortly. damn if i'm not in that chair until 245 man. you choose 230 on purpose. well, it's a it's a bit of a coincidence but that is also like when i do most of my errands to be honest. wait, chiblee are you in the united states of america now?
47:14 don't take this the wrong way at all, cuz i was not rooting on your demise. but yesterday i did have a moment where i was like damn, chiblee's on a long flight right now and i'm so glad that's not me. i'm not even saying you had a bad time on the flight cuz i know like, in your brain you're kind of you were probably like whoa an airbus, this will be fun, right? but like yesterday when i was like just chilling in my comfy house,
47:43 i was like, i'm so glad i'm not chivly right now. just hearing the constant din of like, for like 15 hours straight. probably just watch some movies. yeah. i mean, he watched sinners. it's so funny to me that you haven't been leaving reviews for movies, but you obviously love sinners so much that you left a review. i see you. i see you, okay? i fucking see you is what i'm trying to say.
48:18 lot of the last few movies you watched, you just dropped a log and a heart with no score. this one you put some flavor text in. chiblee, what level of pressure are you at in everything is crap? can you guys hear me? feels like i just got really loud. three or four. brian, being an asshole, do you hate me? when the bully asks if you hate them, and you have to say no.
48:57 do you think you would, and like the other person was at like 50 hp, do you think you would spend your last hp trying to fight hoping you landed like a lucky shot? or do you think you would like take the hail mary that like maybe if you yielded they would show you mercy? i try to run away. but you're like, it's tarkov style hp. sorry, not to just make it like impossible for you to win this, but like, i want to know what you would do when i want, here's the thing, i want to know.
49:27 in a situation where it's just you and an op and you're gonna eat it. do you betray your sense of pride at the moment of your own death? or do you go down with your fucking head held high even though no one besides you would ever fucking know? and you know what's crazy? the only right answer is i don't know. because i don't think you could know until you found yourself in that situation, man. i think you could...
49:56 you could lie or you could have a hunch. you could even think that you have like a pretty good idea but until you're there, until you're in the 3d movie, oh man i think it's all just a guess. if you were that cop from robocop before he becomes robocop and you know when they're just they're fucking him up in red's basement in detroit,
50:25 i mean, it's just brutal, man. and that's the world we fucking live in? no, man, that's crazy. would you rather be that or the guy getting melted? okay, well, he didn't really get melted. he kind of got turned into like a balloon and then exploded, which was awesome. but if i may, that dude also got to have more fun than almost anybody because he got to shoot the fucking, like the military
50:53 i don't even know what you would call it. it was like a fucking science fiction cannon, which is awesome. what i'm trying to say is like it might have been worth. those guys in terrence boddiger's gang, they were having a lot of fun, man. i love when the dude drives up in the stolen car and then the other dude just blows it up and then nobody goes like, that's fucked up. everyone's just like, that's awesome.
51:23 your dude looks like piccolo with the shoulder pads. fucking fire fit on piccolo in that one as well. i need to reroll, i need to reroll cuz i need arms, bro. he had that shit on. piccolo kind of the original stoic omega. goku obviously is himbo coated. honestly, i'm not that well versed in dragon ball z. i'm not the kind of guy to be making this shit, which is absolutely insane. if my 12 year old self could hear me saying that i'm not the guy to be saying this shit about dragon ball z,
51:53 you wouldn't get it, let's put it that way. you'd be like, what are you you're the you're the only person in the world who's ever heard of this show outside of japan. it's obviously not true, but i was one of the only motherfuckers in like camden east to be watching it on ytv, i'm sure. i don't know, anime kind of goes crazy in like rural north america now that i think about it. and in like urban north america. jaws gives feeding speed?
52:29 first time hearing about it. whoa, what the fuck? i'm too fucking slow, man. i can't get out. you shouldn't have come over by me. i can't dodge. i literally, i can't dodge. i'm going to die. you can't dodge in the water. the water's too dangerous. motherfucker, man. we're talking about ken sim's ass in kory's chat. can you find a pic?
53:03 you can't just at librarian and ask for stuff that's not related to me. like librarian is not an ai agent that you send out on like a little fetch quest for your fucking request. that's what they are for me.
53:19 and it's in service of the product that's on the screen. it's not in service of you having an argument about the ass of my mayor in chat. not even in my ch corey's chat! why do you date them, librarian?
53:33 well, you can never be too careful these days. you say that every time. it always hits, man. and also, like, and i can say this, because i'm a cishet man who uses he him pronouns. no one really gives a fuck if you call a cishet man with he him pronouns they. they'll give you at least a bubble shield on that one for sure. that's not that big of a deal. that's pretty much like the one time when it's okay to do it, i think.
53:59 the super straights are coming. i'm picturing like when jerry gets mad in tom and jerry, like when he's had enough of tom's shit and he does the thing where he like becomes jacked, like he puffs out his little mouse chest and he walks towards tom like really slowly. and then tom like tries, he's freaking out, like he tries to hit him on the head with like a
54:19 a fire poker that he grabs and then it's like it just leaves jerry sized indents in the fire poker like every time he hits him and then he goes
54:30 and he shuts the door and then jerry just like it's the frame that he shuts the door. the door just explodes and crushes him like a pancake. and jerry just keeps walking. and then he goes, and he like gets, he goes and hides in his house and he's looking through like a little peephole and jerry just shoves his, oh, he gets in a safe.
54:50 he gets in a fucking safe and then jerry just punches a hole in the safe and then grabs tom and pulls him out like a fucking spaghetti noodle. hello to the gamers. hello to the gamers. 98% of the streamers are taking 2% of the primes. confused streamer bernie sanders. the average american is eating 0.9 lunches per day.
55:18 our grandfathers were eating 1.02 lunches per day. the decline in meals is unacceptable. that's better than frank underwood? no, man. no shot.
55:32 i have a, i have like a little soda bubble in my adam's apple. i can't do the frank underwood. you got to give me like a second to get the burp out. now some of you would have loved to have seen me burp into the camera. well that's something i'm willing to do because in america we have standards but only insofar as the price is right. bob barker, drew carey and me, frank underwood. pretty bad. you haven't seen the show. you're too woke to watch house of cards. and then kamala?
56:01 the kamala one i can't do anymore because it made corey laugh too hard. and after he laughed that hard, i just kind of lost it. it was just like a crazy laugh and like a lot of vocal fry. a lot of vocal fry. like i don't think it was good. i think that corey just, corey reacted so hard to it that i couldn't find it again.
56:25 this is tomato nice tomato fourth and i said yeah nice to meet you nice to meet you too why why do you sound so normal
56:39 i did like a fast other thing before this so just in case i kind of needed to lock in and like rain it back a little bit it would be okay. no, this is not a lock in game. this is a friend slot game. yeah, i did see that. i did. i launched it and checked out what it was and then i skipped the whole tutorial. everyone's so prepared. they're always playing tutorial beforehand. not me.
57:05 i also booted it up and the loading screen just said brewing coffee. brewing coffee. and then never loaded. so i stopped the process and i'm trying again. now it says turning it on and off again and it's not loading.
57:22 did you just wait for like a long time? i didn't wait for a long time. it just put me straight in. i like instantaneously instantly. i was playing the game. also devs, if you're panicking, this won't help. but when i google what sub won't launch all the results are about whatsapp. maybe it's like a firewall thing. kate. i think we might be the only two people that ever had a problem with this. cause the steam discussions is just people like going
57:51 wow, this is epic. yeah, i don't i don't i have that issue where i can't help in any way because i had no problem so all i can do is contribute and be like yeah, it didn't happen to me. i mean amd, you guys got amd? we could throw them under the bus or something. i disabled the firewall.
58:14 oh, oh, it's working. it's working. i'm gonna have your main point. it worked. oh, okay. online game that only works with a firewall disabled. that's huge.
58:22 see, now that stresses me out because i'm like, well, my firewall did not have a problem. and then i'm like, well, is my security seriously wrong? dude, i've already got your ip. i'm sorry to tell you. i didn't realize i had a revolving door kind of situation at my machine. no, i'm in your shit, bro. i'm in your shit right now.
58:44 is there a way to finish the tutorial or do i have to do the tutorial? what i did was i pressed the escape button and i think there's a button that says get out of here. oh, i see. you just let me out and that was it. escape tutorial. ryan, ryan look i'm begging you. i'm begging. invite to gain. oh, she's doing pray i see. i was like, the whole time i was looking i was like does she know she's not doing anything?
59:13 i'm curious if this game has proximity voice or not. well, yeah, that's true because it does say mic settings but then we're hearing each other in discord. we can be in discord. what stops us? oh, it's true. my mug is empty ryan. it works guys i just started asking if anyone could hear me and no one could hear me
59:34 did you say it in mandarin? because we only allow i can't do it in mandarin. i don't know it. no, i would lock it. we only response in the questions that is spoken in mandarin. i'm sorry. i don't know a single word in mandarin. you guys will love this one. mcdonald's. mcdonald's in mandarin. oh, great place to get a wuhaykeh, xuanbing.
1:00:01 are you gonna say woah giga? are you gonna say woah? how do we interact with something? i have no idea. i'm gonna be honest. you're all running around doing what i did earlier while you were trying to get in. which is realize that this whole world... i don't know how to interact with it. you put away your tools. i got bald. are you bald? yeah, i got bald.
1:00:31 that's okay. are you bald irl? i'm bald. no, i'm not bald. don't say it with that disdain. what do i do? what's wrong with being bald, man? it's just the way that it's interpreted by like anyone when they're like, oh, are you bald? like it doesn't ever feel.
1:00:52 so innocent. that doesn't feel good. i receive it the way that i receive it if chat's asking. i have no idea how to actually make this thing go. anyone here ever listen to sloop john b? all right, move forward, everybody. the main sail set play. did i just change it forever? yeah, you changed the ship.
1:01:16 just made it much more spacious like well. no. yeah, i'm also in a wall not really no, no there's an unstuck button in the escape menu. i don't even open the escape menu. oh, oh
1:01:39 i'm gonna see if i could just get the boat out of the dock and then everyone will speak. oh, wait, someone was moving in my field of view. i wondering through what is now a haunted vest. can you see us at all? fucking no. it's actually kind of unsettling. oh, no. i'm just gonna close that. i'm guessing you're all down there. i saw you at the last second. yeah. okay. open pray.
1:02:09 this is an unsettlingly long one. i just gotta note if the kate is playing what's up. anyone else still have a loading screen? a lot of shaders in this one. no, i'm loaded. i'm loaded. wait, are you? i am, i am. okay. okay. anyone else? i just got a new invite to play what's up. loading, loading.
1:02:35 i'll try to accept your invite. maybe. yeah, that knocked me out of the first loading screen. it does also say we're trying to connect you to the game equals exclamation point, no pointer exception. so that's cool. i'm so bad for your boobie in the game. so yeah, i'm going to escape that. yeah. i'm also in no pointer.
1:02:57 oh, there you go. exclamation mark sometimes is like a negative. so it's like they were like, don't join the no pointer exception. so that's okay. so i'm not going to change our sub again when there are people inside. smart. how do we actually play this game? we can't. well, i'll tell you one thing. we can't pilot well docked, which would seem to imply that if we could become undocked. well, i mean, that's got to be step one.
1:03:29 someone should have fucking done the tutorial guys, i don't know what to say. i mean that's definitely true. if i talk to her then it automatically goes into upgrade?
1:03:41 not if everybody gets inside of the sub we can close the door. oh, that makes sense. god, this is going to be a really short first round guys. we're going to be back here quick. wow. okay. okay. we're in. all right. all right. let's get on the steering wheel now. oh, oh, oh.
1:04:05 we need to get some treasure does anyone want to get on the i see though i got it i got it i got the trailer. oh, holy day the periscope right there my god guys. i am gay oh
1:04:27 i'm scouting. okay, we gotta go a little to the right, a little to the right. you'll see a spire. actually, wait. just kidding. i think i can open the docking bay while we're in the middle of the open water. guys, guys! it says remove items. it's full. can you guys remove the item? what item? yeah, i got it. i got it. keep turning left. keep turning left. turn left, okay. all right, and forward. forward right here.
1:04:55 there's a something, and i think it might be a buoy. yeah, we got a full steam ahead of that. i know, but i only have 26 seconds. we're going forward and backwards. is it possible that the harpoon is stuck to something behind us that's backwards? no, no, no. there's nothing. my harpoon is nothing. it doesn't look like it. it's not attached to anything. it looks connected and good here. it doesn't look like... yeah, no, it's not attached to anything.
1:05:21 we're gonna run out of fuel in ten seconds and then we'll figure out... wait, i got wait wait wait wait i know what i there's a crank back here for emergencies if we're out of fuel are we officially out of fuel? out of fuel. oh you can hand crank it? i know i'm getting stuck back i'm cranking it there's a current there's a crank back here. i don't know if this is working. did you get it stuck? whoa, it's what it says
1:05:47 did you get the stuff? how do you open the stuff? i don't know. i don't know. oh my god. oh no. guys, we are wedged into the rocks. so what went wrong? apparently we spawned in a water current. so we basically couldn't move. i have other thoughts as well on top of that. okay. we were apparently we're out of fuel. okay. that's no one's fault.
1:06:18 but we're also there was never fuel on the vessel. yeah, we probably were supposed to bring some with us. that's an emergency crank. we're missing the entirety of the fuel system. i don't think we have a packed fuel on the ship. oh. you think i can get us forward if i wave the sub like a fish? okay. okay. i'm gonna start working on that while you guys figure out how to tear up the boards from the flooring.
1:06:47 i'm gonna crank it. we are moving forward a little bit. okay. what do we do with the booty though? i'm on the crank, maybe hit up the periscope and see if we're moving. don't check. we don't need to check. what do we do with the booty? we bring it back to the base and then exchange it for, i guess, some fuel.
1:07:16 you mean it's not working? it's not. it was a... i'm turning this crank for my life in the back here. you mean it's not working? yeah, i mean i think to go home we gotta get 1100 meters away. that crank doesn't do anything. that crank is bullshit. it doesn't do anything. we've not gotten one unit of fuel from that piece of trash. we're dead. we're fucking dead. wait, i have a great idea guys. i can pull the ship with this.
1:07:44 i'm really gonna say guys, i was pressing the wrong button. i was pressing the wrong button. wait. my god. i'm steering. can you see the waypoint that's on the map right now? yes. yes, i can. yes, i can. we got a really don't worry. don't worry. just just just make sure we don't hit the thing. yeah, the fuel is going up now. that's what i'm saying. you know, how did it? why is it working now? i don't know. i don't know.
1:08:12 just do the wheel, do the wheel. oh, oh, oh. the crank is done. it's out of fire. it works for a little bit. we got to stay on it. we got to stay on it. guys, guys, i'm getting the fuel. i'm getting the fuel. okay. okay. dude, the blowfish died. we're good. we're taking on some water.
1:08:43 it's all water. we need to bump it. i'm pumping it. i'm pumping it. okay, now we're moving. we're moving. we're moving. okay, we're moving. no sweat. no sweat. watch your feet. don't even need to burn any fuel because we're in the current. it's the current. yeah. oh, let's go. you're huge. new tech. okay, where do we buy the fuel?
1:09:13 do not buy cosmetic. do not buy cosmetic. but need a new hat, man. although fuel is really cheap. we also burned through it like jesus christ. joe kate. actually, this is kind of good. you should keep going. i think this is really fun. i think that's too much. paul got collision. it only comes. this is kind of awesome. wait, we get to stack it in the back.
1:09:43 it's like we could make a big old ball pit out of this. yeah. uh, we need bolts too. holy cow. yeah, i'll get some of those. oh, god. there's so many. there's so many bolts. we're probably going to want some of these. do we know what they do? don't add more fuel. don't add more fuel. it's at maximum. oh, yeah. don't worry. i'll just put it in the sub. we're at maximum, all right. we're going to need scrap. does anyone think we're going to need scrap? oh, you can hold the bolt? i'll get some anyways. you can hold the bolt inside of your pocket.
1:10:16 they love to not apply oh, that's what a shithole what an absolute she's a beauty she's a beauty kisses it's foul
1:10:34 this place. do you fucking mind? if i get spiked into the dock one more time. getting bumped every time i walk anywhere is so annoying. i think it's frankly too much. is this too much wood? no. it's too much bread. you will never... i was just before this and even now i'm starting to feel it. you look like a medieval baker, like 100% in front of his oven. that's true, that's true. no?
1:11:06 oh jeez guys, they left me behind. guys, i was standing on the i was standing on the firewood, i went right through the sub, and walked nearly wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
1:11:16 no guys, i'm watching you fly away right now. no, i swear to god i'm seeing demons no, you're here you guys just get on out of here you skip okay
1:11:40 probably just a gas leak or something. we're already getting a cap fever. alright, alright, keep an eye on the fuel. yep, it's six seven. yep, absolutely. it's hard not to. six seven. absolutely. oh, it's so weird. i'm in the physics of the sub still and can move... can someone open the basement for me? oh, yeah. so i can navigate myself in while i'm still at the dock.
1:12:03 i'm seeing the ghosts of our un like purchased goods outside or something. there's like actually like floating firewood out there and like following us. i'm not fucking with you. there's cheese in the distance. it's everywhere. oh my god. it's going, why didn't you grab me? why didn't you give you head space? oh, i can feel like glass. yeah, yeah. do it. it is unsettlingly quiet in this orb. i'm just gonna, i just have to say it.
1:12:34 it is not a peep from any of the medals in this place. drink it. i can't. i can do this though. cheers! cheers! yo, can we fill up our mugs and cheers for our 12th anniversary?
1:12:55 wait, has it actually been 12 years? it has been. yeah. today. oh my god. today. i barely, i didn't actually fill my mug all the way either. it says mug is empty even though i clearly see it. mug fills two of four. two of four? i'm at one of four. what? i'm one of four. guys, i don't think anyone actually filled their mug with coffee. we need like 10 crates of beans for now. holy crap. that's how they get you.
1:13:19 we have to brew it like bit by bit. oh no. yeah, it's a whole thing. oh my god. oh, it's brewing. it is not easy. one cup. one quarter of a cup at a time? times four people? mine's four out of four. do coffee enthusiasts do this though? they actually do this. holy cow. i still don't know how to drink it.
1:13:42 it's the average core coffee break understand why they're so expensive. this is so crazy. it's a high concentration brew that kills you when you drink it all right, i'm at four of four you can't drink it though guys
1:14:01 you can make the sound effects. it's like glued in. it's an incredibly thick syrup. i don't know what you're talking about. i'm drinking it. like when you're with a toddler and you have a tiny plastic 100%. seems like we didn't use as much fuel as we thought we would. no, because i got more fuel.
1:14:25 yeah, we basically never used any of the fuel that we saved. i think pretty much any movement you see back here was just stuff getting pushed to the left or right. now that we're moving, can you drink coffee? excellent question. fucking no! no! this coffee, they just tricked us into spending $2,000 on like coffee you can't drink. really? i'm being told you drink it by pressing r.
1:14:54 press r to drink it. this is news. oh shit, i'm drinking it, i'm drinking it, i drank it! the hell is this, man? hey guys, there's another coffee machine. hey, did anyone else that drank the coffee start feeling really weird, kind of jittering around after the buzz is gone? like, i'm... i'm... oh, interesting. don't drink the fucking coffee. i'm going towards that thingy.
1:15:22 i see. we're in a free fall. i have no control. i'm losing control of the vessel, guys. i was holding shift thinking that it was giving me some kind of like input. shift doesn't do anything. it's like a funny button. i'm bringing us in for what i can only assume is a docking maneuver on that. yeah, we need to go to that. don't really know. is that docking? alright, we're docking. yep. yep. yep. yep. yep. cracking the door open early.
1:15:53 my god, my god. i'm fucking dead guys. i fell out of the whole map. no way. it's over here now find me. no, i'm gone. i'm gone. i didn't know what was gonna happen. i did. did you jump out of the open the seaside door?
1:16:19 yeah, i jumped out while the door thought we were in the pod. i just didn't land on like the pod. i landed in open water, but the water's not real. oh, that's good. i'm gonna tell you guys something you're not ready to hear. that water isn't real. and then when you hit the ground, the ground isn't real. you're not here? listen, all i ever did on the ship was load firewood and crank it, okay? so i'm just gonna need you three to get us back to the dock.
1:16:49 not everyone is inside that's fundamentally untrue i'm in there hang on let me see if i can hold a button to like walk. you got a little unstuck moment. excellent idea. hey! i'm back okay, you guys gotta try that one of these days it really does shatter your entire view of this.
1:17:15 fucked up ocean. well, we don't have to go to the dock then we can. okay. yeah. unstuck it myself. also did fix the horrible jittering i was getting after coffee. wait, the coffee really it fucked you up. it actually fucked me up. that's why i killed myself. specifically why i took my own life. must have been tim horton. sending cheese.
1:17:48 are we really just going to study more? we don't need any more views, that's for sure. no idea where we're going. it seems crazy. we're kind of just like lazily listing about right now in this... yeah, well i don't really have a direction at the moment. we don't even have a... i think i just clicked so fast i turned that one treasure chest into two treasure chests. yo! oh, i was doing that with the lumber, not gonna lie. if you put it down real fast. wait, you telling me you've all been duping without cheating?
1:18:17 wait, wait! are you actually duping? i'm about to slam this ship into the rocks with this grappling hook. oh my god, you are, riah! you are! we've got a way down here. we're gonna be so rage against. can you do the gold one? not the lame one, but the gold one? let me see what i can do here. yeah, you're gonna want to go straight down. i'm doing it. oh my god, you did it! i'm doing it? straight down. you did it!
1:18:52 you got to pick it up at the same time you use a potion from your inventory and then you get the you get to do it on the ground. that's how i got my godly play to the whale. i've just been picking it up and dropping like a man. there you go. there's one. if we kind of double up, it goes even faster. yep. there's four.
1:19:22 i think we're ready to go back home. i mean, we good. we're gonna run out of space soon. i think the way is to like go to different depths first. i don't even pick up the early stuff, you know what i mean? i work that we may in fact be seeing everything this game has in it right now in this beautiful blue ocean that we're looking at.
1:19:49 the basement's fucked! if anything ever ruptures this ship, guys, we're drowning. i'm never gonna make it to the pump. we might be out of fuel. can i get a little... oh, fuel, fuel. oh, absolutely. let me do some real quick. nice. absolutely. yeah, we'll need a little bit more.
1:20:05 yeah, could you print a little bit of that firewood? this is like a troll book bag. oh boy. this one's bad. what is this one not adhering to, like, the rules? oh, i really hear it. ooh, that's a good noise. that's good. that's good. oh my god. you did it. i mean, the duping is easy. oh yeah, wait.
1:20:38 throwing throwing a chest into the basement full speed might be the move. is it gonna be bad in there when we check? oh boy, the game hates us going even near the basement. what's the button to throw? you gotta hold right click for a full charge and then let her rip.
1:21:02 mechanically, why is it even in the game? there's not a lot of surface area. i think mayans got something in it. yeah, we've built this up a little. hang on, i'm gonna get in there and see if i can make some noise. i can really hear it. what's going in there? what's going in there? i'm getting in there to make it so good. guys, i'm gonna bite. oh yeah. what is going on?
1:21:34 i think the base is a little full. damn, this sounds crazy. oh! somebody close the door, man! let me out, let me out! we can probably make it louder. oh my gosh. it could be rich. in there, dude! oh man! the first time this game has made noise.
1:22:39 oh my god.
1:23:57 we have to put the cheese on the wall again. yeah, i think we're gonna need a little more of the cheese to patch up the basement this time. holy shit. why is it so dark in here? the lights got smashed. there's a lot of stuff downstairs. that basement's fucked. it's still fogging around. will it just fly around? fucked, isn't it? it's the toilet. it's all the stuff in the toilet.
1:24:28 my throat hurts from laughing. that never happens. i don't think we need things, right? we're good on things. no, are we buying a new ship? i would love a new ship. mainly because this one's... if we are buying a new ship, then we should carry out the firewood out. better acoustic on the new ship.
1:24:52 yeah, the don't be inside of the ship just in case i want to be in the ship when you do it so feel free to do it while i'm in the ship. i'm quite curious. goodbye there it is they kind of just kill you outright i'm just a ghost that can't move anymore oh, oh, oh you can't even hey, can you uh, i
1:25:21 i didn't realize i couldn't even press escape. i'm like fully sealed. yeah, that's what happened. that is a fate worse than death. oh, we got to patch all these. no, we didn't get to keep the crap singles. what if we don't pre patch the holes? yeah. remember how we were drowning? it's a lot of fun to make the sounds of like as you're like underwater. it's very true. a fun foley thing to do. and without it, frankly, there's not much else down there.
1:25:50 sorry, that sounded quite mean to the game, but honestly i don't regret it saying that. oh, that's cosmetics. i was just at my like lonely, sad closet. wait, are those separate purchases? because i'm still at 10k. don't fucking come over by me, man. don't fucking do it. oh, you're bald though. what's going on? don't fucking do it, man. no, man. don't. no, man. it's too late for that.
1:26:27 sorry, i said, but you're bald. no, no holding that hat bro. no, i can't keep my hair i feel like a quest giver in divinity just keep dropping my flavor text and then getting it now busy. i'm floating up beans in the basement dude. it's not oh
1:26:59 dude, look. i'm a fish. yo, that's actually a pretty good one. that's a good one. thank you. thank you. don't come over by me, man. no, george, don't fucking come over by me, man. don't fucking come over by me. chill, man. don't fucking come over by me, man. i'm out of here. oh, mother of god. oh, oh. he freaking prepped everything.
1:27:25 hey! that's really good. do you want some... is there a sweeping motion where i can just... could a fucking crate of beans make you... oh damn. no? hit it with more beans. wait, why are the beans throwing forever? what is happening? because that was the plan. why are there endless beans? i've engineered an npc to keep throwing beans over here.
1:27:57 dude, you're really bringing down the vibes of the whole thing. if i throw another thing of beans, do you think it'll keep stacking more beans? aren't the beans really expensive? nah. you can take some of my money and you can do it. i've already bought, they're pre purchased guys, don't worry about it. i bought them wholesale. whoa! oh! he's getting higher! oh, one second here! oh my god, wait, he's going higher, he's going higher. we need more beans! oh my god, i'm joking. he's getting higher!
1:28:28 he's getting higher and higher every single time. who wants to take a throw at him? wait, how high can you go? i think he's at max. i think he's at max. no such thing. you gotta break the dome, man. i'm gonna really spike this one in. oh, shit. oh, shit. hang on. we're gonna need a couple more. does your camera move too? oh, yeah. oh, my god. i'm taking the trip with him.
1:28:58 i'm not sure she's getting more hot. i don't think so at this point either. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, he's gone. i'm back on the shore. i've got an insane idea. camera on me, camera on me. yeah. watching it. okay. oh, he's fucking dead. what? he's fucking dead. oh shit. he's found the tree. that just felt really dark. oh, yeah.
1:29:33 oh, the ship's kind of bigger than i remember, you know? we're gonna be dealing with that a lot. that's weird. these chests are stuck to the ground. wait, how are we doing with the fuel? 40? we're at 40. coming up on more treasure. i'm just trying to get some of the fucking stuff moved out of the way, guys. because it's just the middle of this place is messed up.
1:30:00 good god, i'm hearing stuff back there guys. we're using it. look the glue makes it worse guys because then you can't push your way through. sorry, i was just optimizing. there we go. i keep thinking i'm crashing. just put it wherever. absolutely, absolutely. how's it going up top? we're almost uh down to next level?
1:30:34 oh yeah, we're about to go through the portal, man. spectacular. whoa, what? i just threw one... oh my god. i think i hit you. i threw one clean out of the ship.
1:30:48 that's weird, guys. i'm not in the ship. yeah, you are, man. you are. no, no, no. you're looking up. look down. you look like you're in the ship. can you guys bring this up straight down into this wreckage? because i'm standing on top of it by one of the nearby floating pieces of debris. and i'm thinking maybe if you bring it down low enough, i can jump in. i might have to maneuver here, but we can do it. yeah, i'll tell you when you're lined up. if i can reach it, you can grab some of this wood.
1:31:22 i can see this from here. it is oh some of the trade you're losing some of the treasure man you lost another
1:32:19 you should be more concerned about our oxygen. oh shit, you're right. hey
1:33:03 at least you got one last person using it. cause i'm not here. wait, wait, stand up. i got an idea. copy that. fuck! i can feel something hitting me and i hear it hitting me. i'm getting like punched by just nothing. okay, so your soul is in your mannequin here. i'm dead. oh! uh...
1:33:28 i pressed the unstuck button again. i think i'm moving into unstuck position for oh wait you guys are beating wait. i'm in the sub, but it's invisible. oh my god i'm standing on a platform created of beans. yes, if these beans are moved i will fall to my death there is no no way. don't move that fucking beam, dude chill chill how did you copy the idol
1:34:02 you're gone. you're the only time i can see someone is carrying things. oh god. oh, oh god. i'm alone can someone place like a platform? what do you see when your eyes see i'm falling again because someone took the beans it happened yes, of course it fucking happened. yeah, i'll beat you up again i
1:34:37 it's like, oh, i'm back! i'm falling again. oh, no! do whatever you just did again! oh my god, oh my god. welcome, welcome, welcome to nightmare. i need it to be i need you to use beans though for it because beans have a flat surface for my character to stand on. right, okay, alright, alright. mmm. yes, smack him on. i'm back. i'm back, i'm back. don't hit me again! i'm falling again. i'm back. i'm falling. i'm gone.
1:35:09 there's a level of follow through you guys are doing up there that's making it hard for me to stick my feet to the uh, where he's gone. oh he's right there. it's right there. i try to hit him from above maybe knock him back i don't know if we could just like open the door on his head or something. yeah. yeah, just kill me. yeah. yeah. oh wait i'm back. i'm gone hey, it's all chill. i'll be back when you guys go down another depth except i am running out of air
1:35:40 we are running on bias the you know, i the air tanks real quick, but we don't have money i'm back. i'm back. we don't have money back. i'm back you're juggling me with your wrench for a while. i'm trying to i'm trying to and then i moved cuz i panicked i just
1:36:03 i can see you again. i'm being juggled all right now. you got to get me to safety your head shot out of the top of the sub you just legs now i
1:36:30 i mean it's all good. oh, d.k.a.! what a shot. hold on, i'm gonna find the portal. i'm seeing like what i can only describe as like my character's mental break stat growing. is anyone else seeing that? i like how he was back and we just couldn't stop playing the volleyball and now he's like actually gone. yeah, that's kinda nice. i might put in... i have plenty of time to press f1 though and give some notes.
1:36:58 you're like a radio for us. nice. absolutely. guys hit the fuel. oh perfect, perfect, perfect. anyone has any requests, don't bother. that's the only one i can call. and it's only about a soundbite of like six seconds i guess. i can only do that much. don't mind that. and it loops. i'm still just throwing shit at you trying to hit you. i feel like i can fucking tell. we're so close to a scientific breakthrough.
1:37:28 i am still falling. i am underneath it all still. wait, i think i know how we can save him. i'm gonna build a platform of beans for him to stand on. dear god. wait, did it work? wait, i'm on the beans. i'm standing on the bean you just placed. i'm not gonna move. okay, you see us? i can't fucking see you. you're all dead. i think you've always been dead.
1:37:54 your lighting is crazy too. i'm in the shadows. it's so dramatic. listen, just remember those beans are me. if you move those beans, i'm dead. if you keep those beans there, there's always gonna be a part of me on this sub. i'm actually afraid to stop praying, cuz i think it's the only thing keeping me glued to the spot. you would look like a renaissance picture right now. it's so insane. it's actually beautiful.
1:38:22 i see, i see the beans path being oh god! uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh! oh no, oh no, hold on, hold on, i'm going for the bean, the bean what have you done?! i'm back! okay. it's actually crazy that this hasn't happened to any of you yet and i'm the only one that has this shit. only you, man, it's only you. you only feel bad because i'm like, well how am i supposed to share this experience with other people? now that we know how to bring them back, at any point you can just do this and like really freak them out. what kind of strange game is this?
1:38:52 you are directly in front of the wheel. we're gonna copy that. i'm activating steering mode. i ain't getting anything on this. hang on, i'm gonna give it a little something something. titanic. if he was able to get on you like titanic, yeah. like hold your arms up and stuff. it's crazy. hey, this is fine. sometimes if someone collides with me,
1:39:19 i do see them for a moment. i just saw some. i see the fish. i also see... i see you all! you're all here! my demons are here! yes, for real. you brought the light on with you too, which is so crazy. why do we have so many bees? i cannot navigate. we need them to live, dude. i need those or i die. well, there's too many though. oh my god, it's leaking! i need cruz in the basement! cruz in the basement!
1:39:48 i'm fixed up. oh my god. oh my god. i'm watching them. i'm watching as i close the floor. it's looking bad down there i'll pray for you. oh you got it you got it
1:40:00 you pumping? you pumping? i'm pumping! i'm fixing. i'm fixing. i've just been up here trying to knock the captain's block off this whole time with a wrench from the ghost zone and it's not doing it. can i fix them? please do not crash again or we're over so close. oh hey guys, i think i'm drowning. oh okay. finally. is the water coming down? yeah yeah yeah it's going down. it's going down. release.
1:40:31 it's coming back, it's coming back, it's working, it's working, you go. well now we're trying to make a snatch around. this is really funny because we haven't moved a single, like, inch. how do i screen this whole game? oh my god. are we docked? oh, if i could just jump like... the fucked up thing is i can see the dock. i bet i could get in there if i did a really good running long.
1:40:55 like an olympic. what if we gave you like even more beans to jump off of? it's crazy. you're carrying an entire harpoon projectile with you everywhere you go. it's gigantic. it is freaking me out. it's huge. am i free? now when it loads in, i want you to describe what you see. i'm here. i'm here. it's me. he's back. i'm back. oh, he's so back. i'm back.
1:41:20 does it feel real after going through that experience? honestly? when did our ship get downgraded? this is still the good ship, isn't it? no, no, you're right. it is the old ship. it was all a fucked up dream. and everything inside is gone. it was all a really fucked up nightmare. oh no, all my treasure? all of it was haunted, they had to burn it. get out, get out, get out, get out. i don't blame them. let's upgrade it to the bigger ones, see if we get our stuff back.
1:41:46 there is no sub there, man. i don't know. oh thank god it's all here. it's there, it's there, it's there. no, no! that sub is fucking haunted! there's no sub there! wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
1:42:19 i'm gone guys. it's over. no, but hey really it's over i'm at the bottom of the ocean, but the ocean is solid this time, so i think i've actually succeeded i'm escaping the map. i'm walking to the exit of the world
1:42:30 oh my god, i'm escaped the water. wait, you see? i see i've exited the water i'm walking with the fish on the bottom of the i'm at the top and i'm above you all you've brought me back i'm down. i'm gone what is happening? someone keeps on yanking me back with beans and i'm asking you to let me go. no, no! i'm begging you to let me go. we let you go. you gotta let me go. let me go. oh release me. i'm taking the beans. i'm gone.
1:43:01 i'm flying. i'm actually flying. i've left the ocean. i'm on the surface. what does it look like? he's having some kind of spiritual, like a moment. i fell. it was a moment. there's an island up there, though, if any of you care. that's cool, man. i don't think i have time for another. yeah, that's fair. no, that's fair. or like the spiritual bandwidth to go through that again. yeah, even if i did, i don't know if i'd have strength of will.
1:43:34 i'm back on the surface. i've broken the physics. i'm actually in. i'm gone. orbit. at some point you're just going to drop off into like, remember that episode where they go into like fish hell? oh yeah. yeah. yeah. you're going to get there eventually. i'm back. i'm back in the physical plane. they ripped me back. i'm back with the lizard. hey. and i'm just not gonna do anything silly.
1:43:59 perfect. i'm buying every single plank of wood that you can fit in the lobby. you just said you're not going to do anything silly. i'm not going to lie. i'm not going to lie. i'm helping you. i'm with you. i can't. i keep driving up. you got as much time to get out of here as i have to. they got to lower and lower res for me. oh, no.
1:44:28 no, i'm okay. thank you though. how we doing here? not good. not good. now what if are you on the bottom of this pile?
1:44:55 yeah, i'm in there. what if you just throw something like as hard as you can way ahead of rate into the mile? spookily enough no audio completely what's not a bat about? i think my screen is why marius sound oh yeah, i'm gonna throw up. i'm actually gonna throw oh it's bad now it's bad now. yeah, it's over but the game didn't all be honest
1:45:21 the game never crashed. kind of amazing. kind of impressive. to me, it looks like the little objects are at like one fps, but everything else is fine, which means they actually optimized this game. they optimized it, but all wrong. dabs, don't take offense. we were having a good time. i get it. it's indie sea of thieves in a submarine. we were just, i mean, anytime you get an opportunity to do a super bounce or something like that, you gotta take it. you gotta pull on that thread until the whole sweater unravels.
1:45:51 yes, i will be live on memorial day. it's true. the hardest working streamer in the business. it's not a holiday up here. last week of may is peak. oh, it's like the one of the peakest times of the year without a doubt. especially if you're in university so that like it's possible that this would be in the period like between when you finish your exams but before the june 1st start of your summer job possibly if you had a little trouble finding a summer job as i often did.
1:46:18 that's peak season the liminal space of the three weeks between the last exam and the first day of work sophomore year summer vacation wake up wake up. but it's the first of them all who cash your checks and come on follow the sound of my voice i can sing a song if it makes it better where i was born lived to my aunt who tried to say?
1:46:49 and he told us of his life in his yellow, shub mer ain, skies of blue and teas of green. many more of us that live next door. all we need is skies of pink and subs of yellow in our yellow shrubbery. come on, sing it with me. i'm not moving your trolleys. i'm leaving.