the suds - Bits and Banter [06⧸30⧸2026]

Name: the suds - Bits and Banter [06⧸30⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-07-03
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "the suds - Bits and Banter [06⧸30⧸2026]" — 238 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-07-03

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238 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 chat, i'm back. it feels good to be back. i'm gonna let you know right at the top of the stream i have the suds. so when i switch to the video that has my face, you should all say, you look so good. you don't look like you're sick at all. i was not replaced.
0:18 you should say you don't look tired. mr. he's so healthy. mr. mr. he's got the appropriate amount of vasodilation. i'm not sure how much is appropriate. i think both too much and too little are bad. mr. works through his sickness. mr. mr. no other streamer works harder than him. mr. mr. woyou dien beijing kao ya beijing kao ya tai hao chue
0:47 mr. fuckin... mr. they never should have given this gui lo a pinyin keyboard mr. you know what i'm realizing now that people are typing in simplified chinese in chat? they need to make the characters bigger man. like people are typing in simplified chinese in chat. i can't read that. the characters, they got too many damn strokes man. we need an even simpler chinese. wait, that's so true?
1:14 toy story tier list after having seen toy story 5. i honestly, i don't think you're ready for this. i don't want to fucking start a fight. i did, i consumed no media while i was away except i saw toy story 5 twice. the first time i saw it i was a little bit cynical. i thought it's pretty good but it shouldn't exist. and then the second time i saw it i went, you know what?
1:36 it obviously only exists due to profit motive, but at the same time they did a pretty good job of making it an adventure. and also i feel like it leaves, without spoiling things, it leaves the toy story franchise in a better spot than toy story 3 did. toy story 3 was kind of like, you know, the message at the end of toy story 3. hey, your kid's gonna throw you away, but there will always be other kids.
2:02 toy story 5's message is more like eventually no one's going to give a fuck about you but as long as you like you know were there when they needed you that's okay. i thought toy story 5 was a little bit more real in that way. it was i don't know i honestly for for probably the worst toy story i do think the most overrated might actually be 3. 3 obviously hits what the watch for thunderous
2:27 watch for thunderous chuckle emoji. get rewards by watching while they're live in marvel... i'm not fucking live in marvel rivals, bro. i'm not playing marvel rivals right now. what the fuck do you mean, watch for thunderous chuckle? it's been doing that on every channel? that's crazy. you know what? i'm just going to put drops on in my title now. actually, just chatting drops would be awesome, man.
2:55 my ranking 2, 1, 5, 4, 3? wait, nick you're cooking on this one. i don't think 3 is the worst. i do think 4 is the worst. i also think 4 is underrated. like people stopped talking about whether or not toy stories were actually good. they started exclusively being like, you know, how does this affect the lore? which kind of pisses me off.
3:15 i think toy story 4 is like a little underrated but probably still the worst. i think, i don't know, i think 1 might be the best man because 1 has some fucking wink wink nudge nudge humor in it. like woody is kind of, he's kind of horny in toy story 1 and so is bo. bo is like i'll get someone else to watch the flock tonight cowboy and then his eyes go like they roll back in his head. all
3:39 also, i like the i forgot because i saw a little bit of toy story 1. i forgot that the fucking aliens got so flanderized. in toy story 3, they show up deus ex machina. the claw. in toy story 1, the aliens are actually funny.
3:54 because they're like, stop trying to protect us from the claw. the claw has chosen us. you know, they treat the claw as their religion. and then at some point they just went, okay, well these guys just show up and say the claw. and then everyone goes, yeah, i love the aliens!
4:11 also, was andy growing up in a fucked up neighborhood? or was andy a gentrifying demon? and sid was the salt of the earth. sid's family has been living in that house for 50 years. like three generations of sids have grown up there and then, oh, andy's mom made a fucking new build right next to sid's house. because you're looking out the window of andy's house looking at sid and you're like, what the fuck? this is a rough neighborhood, man.
4:40 kid is lighting off fireworks in the fucking backyard. let's do the dolls man, if i can remember how to stream. combination like i might and i'm not i don't say this lightly, i think i might have the fucking flu. i slept so bad last night it's like 80 degrees fahrenheit in my bedroom but i was freezing to fucking death and you know the the sleeps you have when you're sick where you're actually awake for the whole night but you're like
5:07 half paralyzed and your brain is just like it's trying to do the stuff that it does when you dream but it doesn't stop because you are awake so i'm like why the fuck i'm trying to sleep and my brain is going how do you say a buck 52 cents and then like i can't stop my brain from going fucking yee quai
5:27 wu mao ar fen and i'm like stop it. i'm trying to fucking sleep man. i don't need to know this shit i don't need to know this shit right now. so i'm fucked up and also this shit is not real like i'm having that classic like post like i haven't been on the internet or like nobody's been listening to me for like two weeks. so i'm like, this is not real like we are literally what?
5:55 500 generations removed from being like primitive apes living in the forest and now we're sitting, i'm sitting in my office just talking about anything and you're sitting in your wherever you are watching and going like this is awesome or i hate this guy like it doesn't it doesn't seem real man it doesn't seem real i can't let you get close yeah i haven't been thinking about that
6:19 i've been thinking honestly, i know that it's kind of i don't want to be annoying as fuck already like the second i came back. i'm so happy to not be on social media and it has actually like changed my life for the better. my mental health has never been in a better position. that being said, it's kind of annoying because
6:39 now when people ask if you've seen something, they never ask if you've seen a movie or anything. it's always like some instagram reel and then you gotta be like, no i haven't. and then they like describe it to you because there's no way to search for it unless you're librarian. so they do like an analog manual description of what it is that, i mean i believe that the video is good but like it sucks to just have it described and then you've got the expectation that you're gonna laugh and be like this is funny as fuck.
7:07 let me see. apollo, you're here, right? tell me i look healthy when the stream starts. tell me i don't look sick and i sound normal. it's fucked up too because i was fine the entire time i was away and literally yesterday at like 3 p.m i was like, i think i might be getting sick. you look healthy? i shouldn't have worn a gray shirt, man. when you're sick you shouldn't be wearing a gray shirt because especially when you're as white as i am it just kind of washes out
7:41 it's okay, go rest. it's not okay, because this is a movie from the 1950s and i don't know what it is because i've only seen like six movies from the 1950s, man. that's probably rear window. it's probably fucking dial m for murder. i'll tell you one thing, it's not toy story 5. i don't know this guy. i don't know what this is. i'm about to get outed as a fake media viewer. what are you? murder by death? i've never heard of this, man. let me see the fit again. you're talking about the reigning champ,
8:09 heather gray sweatshirt? what's going on? why do i have a big red bump on my wrist? the heck is that, man? is this a sign that i'm not sitting ergonomically correctly? do i have too much pressure on my wrist? what is the capital of panama? panama city. ooh, i have no idea, man. i think you might be lea seydoux. i think you might be mobudo sesso seko.
8:45 i don't even, did they make new celebrities while i was gone? because i don't think i know who either of you are, man. you kind of like, you got that andy serkis haircut and beard combo, but like hit with the de aging ring. i don't know, man. are you like kenneth branagh's son? and i also, i have no idea. are you marion cotillard? wait, wait, wait. okay, marion cotillard and bradley cooper? it is bradley cooper. it's not, it's the, oh, it is the fucking dakota fanning.
9:18 the redness on your hand might be erythema notice i'm a symptom of covid strep throat or pregnancy is it warm to the touch and firm? well my whole body's warm to the touch because i'm alive. firm yes because it's a bone but please please be covid. please for the love of god be covid of all of all the things that it could be out of those ones please be covid 19.
9:44 we were talking with another family when we were away and we were talking because they also had a five year old and we were talking about nobody knows how hard it was to raise a baby during covid, nobody knows how hard it was, we're the only people doing it and then they said did you guys end up catching it? and just instantaneously like at instant speed i put on the stack oh like 11 times and the the look of shock on their face was so crazy
10:10 but i was just being honest man, i'm pretty sure i might have had covid 19 more than like any other human being on planet earth. i didn't get it for like a year but after our kid was born like i got it probably once every three months from then till fucking now bro. my shit has melted, i feel like my shit has melted to be honest.
10:31 except none of the tests came back positive. but you know the joke from 2022, when the test comes back negative that's how you know you got it. if the test comes back positive, then you... it could be either way, but if the test comes back negative, you know you got that shit. in 1986, nestle introduced these coffee machines. is the nescafe really... nope, never mind, i have no idea. oh, it's mr. coffee. it's not the bun o matic percolator fuckface.
11:03 so do you know anything? i know the capital of panama. i need a dr. coffee. a dr. coffee would be fucking awesome. you look like you're gonna cry. i've never been, honestly. the more you stream consistently, the more you chafe with chat. that's a given.
11:19 so you end up after like two months of not taking, you know, a month and a half off, i am like, i fucking hate everybody on this fucking website. when i come back, we're all friends. we're all god's children. i've never been more positive. now, do i look at you a little bit like ants? sometimes when you're in chat, clambering over one another to get a little bit of attention from the streamer on the first day back. i do look at you like some sort of bug type colony for sure, but also like in a positive way.
11:48 and then the more i stream, the more powerful you get. you guys grow in stature in my mind, which is devastating for my mental health. but today is good. today is awesome. along with being a co creator on jackass, bro, that's spike jonze. that's my goat. we should just watch jackass 2. we should just watch jackass 2 today, man.
12:11 sossin', i'm saucin' on you, i'm swaggin', i'm swaggin', i'm swaggin'. our lyrics from this 2015 post malone song. is it congratulations? it's not congratulations, bro. sossin', saucin' you. that's white iverson. denzel, are you in china, man? is denzel washington in china in this picture?
12:40 what is this picture? which one are you talking? oh that is tiff. it's tiff. it's not a simplified chinese character. that's right. are you talking about this picture or this picture? they both look pretty normal to me. i'm gonna say autism probably gets searched more. the fuck? who's googling denzel washington, man?
13:01 denzel curry, does it count counter strike clips? because in counter strike clips, i mean, you have to imagine probably a hundred times per second people are hearing, i am the one, the one don't need a gun, the one. but i feel like asap rockies. denzel curry is not even popular, bro. infinity war versus forrest gump. all right. well, they're like, if you, if you'll allow me to draw a comparison, they're basically the same movie.
13:32 the only thing is like the avengers are like american presidents in forrest gump. i think forrest gump is gonna piss me off it's gonna have like an 8.6 or something when it should have like a 6.8. 8.8 holy fuck bro. contagion, contagion's pretty good. gwyneth paltrow when she sees they're about to use uh... wait we can get there we can land this plane when when the candle is doesn't smell like her pussy
14:03 gwyneth paltrow when the candle smells like a maple syrup instead of pussy. who? she's my goat, man. she's my goat. she's never done anything wrong. gwyneth paltrow when the medicine's backed by science. remember when she had her own show on netflix, man, about bullshit? we were just watching anything. as long as it started with, we would watch fucking anything. netflix had us by the throat for like
14:29 five years. they'd be like, oh, did you see gwyneth paltrow had a new show on netflix? yeah, i watched it all. it wasn't very good. the fuck were they... they were doing something to us, man. they were putting something in the damn airwaves. mark zuckerberg's little league baseball cards signed by mark zuckerberg, age eight from the 1990s. you gotta be a fucking loser to all this. you have... loser badge of authenticity. holy cow.
14:58 i'm gonna say probably not $920 million. who is paying 120 grand for mark zuckerberg's little league baseball card? you fucking... listen, i'm not as revolutionary as a lot of people in chat, but you're polishing that shit till it fucking shines if you're paying 120 grand for mark zuckerberg's baseball card. that's so crazy.
15:25 he's back and this time i'm the one with sepsis. do you really have sepsis? my heart goes out to you. it's not fun. it turns out that thing that kills a bunch of people in the hospital doesn't feel good when it's starting to happen to you. so i hope that they, yeah, in my knee, i hope they figure that out. i hope they get you sorted out.
15:44 are you doing the same shit? like are you just praying that they give you antibiotics and instead they're like, i'll tell you what, drink this goo and we're gonna hit your tummy with like a bunch of radiation instead. and you're like, can i just have the medicine you're giving to the farms with the poultry that was invented like 250 years ago? nah, first we need to shove a big snake with a camera on the end up your butt. we wouldn't wanna give you antibiotics by accident.
16:13 someone could get really sick! had cellulitis, it took 17 days of antibiotics for it to fuck off. you had it worse than me, because i'll tell you, once i got that, once that first fucking dose of ciprofloxacin hit the gut, i was feeling like a new man. i was feeling like a different type of fella. probably less than 24 hours after it hit, i was like, this is what life is supposed to be, man.
16:37 antibiotics don't work anymore thanks to that approach? no, it's because literally our parents' generation was spoiled. they would literally, a doctor would come to your fucking house when you had the sniffles and they would be like, here's a cough syrup with morphine and penicillin in it. and then they would be like, just drink, drink as much as you want. you don't even have to finish the course. just drink as much as you want. nowadays, they put a fucking ankle monitor on you when they give you like 12 kirkland signature ibuprofen.
17:05 they're like, don't have too much fun. okay, but... and then people in the chat are typing shit like, tylenol is actually really dangerous. like what have they fucking done to us, man? you do drugs! you do drugs! what do you mean tylenol is dangerous? you fucking do drugs! can i say something? as one of the most chinese streamers on this platform, why does china not qualify for the world cup? bad at soccer?
17:31 they're fucking crazy at gymnastics and diving and shit. you think they could, i mean they got the resources, i think they could figure it out man. youth teams are promising by 2050 they want to have a competitive team. 2050? so the people that would be on the team aren't even born yet. what do they mean they want to have a good team by 2050?
17:59 their plans are measured in generations. yo, true though. has anyone said they should have called him gao ming? because he was tall, man. they should have called him gao ming. you understand what i'm saying, librarian? omg, that's too good. the great wall of china is very long and also very tall. just so you know. just so you guys know.
18:29 now you've gone too damn far. same word four times. it's not my fault that it's called fucking like long wall and then if i want to say it's long i have to say chung twice. chevy chase july 29th is this european vacation saplen pour moi type shit?
18:48 it's national lampoon's vacation and i'm gonna freak out because we typed vacation earlier and it went for the fucking ed helms remake that came out in like 2014. it's not vegas vacation! that shit came out in like 1997. you know how i know that?
19:03 i dated a girl at university, her favorite movie was vegas vacation. and i said, really? and then she was like, you gotta watch it with me. and i was like, i've seen it. i saw it when i was like 10. and i honestly would like, we had other problems, don't get me wrong, but she lost a lot of aura when she was laughing her fucking head off at vegas vacation. i was like this, we are not compatible if you are laughing this hard at vegas vacation, because this is not a good movie. this is not a good comedy. it's by far the worst vacation.
19:31 he tanked it? i was laughing when he was fucking, he accidentally broke the hoover dam or whatever but like you know everybody's got their damn limits. you guys think young john travolta's a little jerma coded? that to me that's a picture of jerma from like a super nintendo wwf game. a little bit, it's just that picture. i mean that's what he looks like though. please don't trick your viewers by saying x men apocalypse was a good movie. i've literally seen it twice. i watched it on a long long flight
20:02 when there was like two hours left in the flight so i thought for sure i'd have enough time to finish it but the captain is so fucking needy with their announcements oh we're beginning our fucking i don't give a fuck what the weather is going to be like where i land bro you don't need to tell me what the weather is going to be like it will avail itself to me in 0.1 seconds after we land
20:22 i don't what i'm already wearing the clothes that i'm wearing. it's not like i'm going to be like, oh fuck, it's hot. let me go change. what am i going to do? go get my suitcase from the fucking cargo bay and then put on a different outfit? like i can't, it's immutable bro.
20:37 i can't do anything about it. so like it takes four hours to watch a two hour long movie on an airplane so on the flight back i was like well i gotta watch x men apocalypse, i gotta see how it ended but the problem is i don't want to fuck around with the times two fast forward on the shitty airplane screen because at first you're like oh this is taking forever then you tap it one more fucking time and you're at the end of the movie you're seeing the credits. so i said i'll just watch the whole thing
21:05 did you like the ending? i can't, i literally can't remember anything about the movie. it sucks so bad. oscar isaac as apocalypse, like his only power is like making people's feet melt into the sand and then he hardens the sand so they can't move. storm can make a category 9 hurricane. you gotta lock her down a little bit more than that. she could just take her shoes off, man.
21:29 pill the swan. welcome back yeti, i see nothing has changed. you're still... you're in the crystal, huh? we love you, yeti. yeti, we love you. we love you. i can do this. no, we don't. we don't love you. we don't love... apparently magressa doesn't love you. yeti, i'm sorry to tell you. you probably knew that already. use a noun meaning the female of the sheep, especially when mature. okay. weird.
21:57 chicken turmeric cardamom cloves. why does it sound like i'm casting an evil spell? the meter is so fucking hamletian, bro, or macbethian. chicken turmeric cardamom cloves. cinnamon bay leaves, yogurt and rose, garlic and ginger and onion and salt, water and rice, cilantro and bolt. don't say dr. seuss ass, i take offense to that. i've read a lot of fucking dr. seuss books to my kid.
22:26 literally he's a hack. bro didn't know how to rhyme would just make up a word that rhymes with whatever the first word was. literally just be like make up a word that has the same syllable as the previous one. you just did that? yeah but i haven't sold a hundred million books and then people are like dying on social media to defend my honor bro.
22:47 roald dahl clears his ass for sure. we were reading fantastic mr. fox to my kid. i forgot how good children's books can be because i've been reading so much garbage for like five years. like every new children's book is called like how to introduce your kid to ai or some shit like that or like raising a baby in an era of social media, right? like they're all called that. roald dahl, chapter one of fantastic mr. fox, they were going, we're going to fucking kill you, fox.
23:15 we're gonna fucking kill you and skin you and wear we're gonna kill your whole fucking family we're gonna wear your fur as our fucking clothes now the fox the fox fucking gets one over on them because he's clever he's clever i do want to read her fucking george's marvelous medicine we got
23:35 george's marvelous medicine. i love when roald dahl draws a lady that's evil. he gives her fucking, if hair be wires then black wires grow from her fucking head like a huge ass witch overbite and shit. like yeah they look like the mrs. krabappel from south park, the bus driver, you know what i'm talking about?
24:00 oh it's not mrs. carbabble, carbabble's from the simpsons, that's right. south park she was called something different. why was he roasting the love of his life in that sonnet? he was saying like you might be busted but like i love you anyway. but honestly like i don't think that one fucking worked. try reading that sonnet to the to your betrothed and see how it's going man. i don't know where this shit is, i don't give a fuck man. this shit is not real. often enjoyed with rice or bread. okay real original.
24:30 borders to the northeast, motherfucker. is that myanmar? it is. wait, i'm back, i'm back. this is real, this is real. amaretto, hot black tea in an orange slice. that looks good. great, great inspired photography. it does look, it looks awful. this picture is just like a little too much.
25:02 it's like, i'm not going to do all that, but this is crazy. is it neocytrine? warm, comforting cocktail to the northwest of italy, but cold. canada? are you from canada? blueberry tea? with god as my witness, i don't think i've ever heard of this in my entire life, but sure, man. sure. where's the blueberry?
25:27 it does not contain blueberries or blueberry tea. instead, its name comes from the blueberry like aroma produced when the ingredients are combined. bet you feel pretty stupid right now. parmesan versus jellied eels. one of the best cheeses versus the worst abomination we've ever seen in this game. we'll probably take the parmesan. this is the shit that they found when they hit lv 426 in prometheus.
25:54 you know the ampules? the ampules with the goo in them? i guess the goo is not this color, but this is an ampule. i don't mean it... you don't see it all that often. this is definitely an ampule. buttermilk, cold skull. could you turn down the brightness a little bit on this one? wait, italy is getting in on the pierogi game? this is just too much, man. i can't see it. it is a flashbang. doctor's sausage. i think that's how you lose your medical license.
26:24 that's mattress foam, bro. finally ground pork and beef. oh yeah, i guess what was i expecting? sorry, i started laughing because this dish is made by rolling almond paste into a puff pastry shaped into a letter s. you know that when you lose faith in yourself as a baker, you're like, why am i going through all this trouble? tastes probably tastes the same if you just put it in a line or something.
26:51 yeah, and then the banksy baker makes it look like a fucking dollar sign. yeah. dutch people are so funny. come on guys, don't be nice. i just got eliminated from the world cup yesterday. not every team can be as good as canada. good luck to the netherlands next year in four years. germany in four years, maybe you guys will be as good as the canadian national soccer team. can you blow your nose? no, librarian, i have a problem right now. it's not ready. it's crystal form.
27:21 instead of like liquid form. it's not ready, it has to sublimate or whatever. it's not ready to go yet. finally world cup talk. we watched the korea versus mexico game and the korea versus south africa game and my wife was freaking the fuck out. she was freaking out man. and also she was keeping me
27:46 abreast of the situation where people are like, i mean let's just put it this way, they're not fans of the coach right now. the coach landed back in korea and then people were yelling at him to like get out of the country and stuff. it does seem, when i was watching them play south africa i was like do they just, could they just shoot? could they just shoot the ball? they pixeled him out in videos on the news like a criminal.
28:14 i mean he's probably public enemy number one right now but i like that's that's really funny but also it's crazy you're being your least favorite hockey fan but like they're they're a good team man they're a good team are they though they're supposed to be supposed to be better than us anyway when i was in vancouver all my friends were betting bet 365 is a scourge i don't know anybody who sports gambles librarian that's a self report you should cut them off
28:44 you should completely isolate yourself. i am your only friend. i'm love bombing you. that's... it's... something has to stop, man. you can't eat it. it's inedible. let's go down bit by bit, okay? the bun itself looks like it's made of cheese. and then it's got a sunny side up egg, crispy onion strips, jalapenos. i think that's chicken, man. it's like teriyaki chicken or something. and then there's two or three slices of cheese.
29:17 a beef patty, pulled pork, more cheese, a beef patty, and a little bit of roughage at the bottom. it's just too much, man. you're right, his pork belly is not even chicken teriyaki. it's the kind of thing you order just to own the libs. and then they got like a keto friendly bun, which is like pissing me off more than anything else. they got one of those like dempster's thins buns that's like two grams of carbohydrates or something. it's gotta be the bulpit beast on this one.
29:48 buffalo chicken mac and cheese. something's not right. it's like they've green screened the mac and cheese into the picture. like it's something to do with the angle or like the lighting of the bowl versus the lighting on the hands. like it's so dim and like washed out here, but then this is like taken straight from the menu.
30:11 that doesn't look right, man. this looks fucking good though. i would eat, i mean i'm not sure it looks like an authentic cheesesteak, but it looks pretty fucking good. what food needs most to be footlonged? first, canonical use of footlonged as a verb, i think. i mean a footlonged sandwich is nice, man. i don't have any other opinions, but literally like my brain is barely working. it's gonna take us until noon to finish the dolls. i'm just happy to be here.
30:39 you know what's fucked up is that i feel like fucking dog shit today. i feel horrible and i sound like pretty bad, but tomorrow i'm gonna feel so much better. i'm gonna sound so much worse. i'm gonna be fucked up tomorrow. i can already tell. i'm gonna be like, i feel great today and people are gonna be like, you sound like death. please go rest. get your head out of your ass. what the fuck?
31:07 what did i do? what did i do? i come to work even when i'm sick. that's how much i'm dedicated to this profession, this craft. just to get harassed? i would be fucked up if i went to doctor and it was like you know, pallid skin, elevated heart rate. oh fuck no no no no no.
31:33 red bump on wrist. no, no, no, no, no. churchill corona toro and robusto are all different sizes of what bad for you consumable? cigar. that sounds right. kory, kory help me. kory, kory, i need your help. right before he banned all trade with cuba, jfk had his press secretary fetch him 1200 of what smokeables from the island? what a great sentence.
32:05 in biology the main stages of mitosis are... oh fuck... inter blank, pro blank, pro metablank, meta blank, anablank and tele blank. what single word goes in all those blanks? listen, listen, listen. it's been a long time. it's been a long time. i have no idea, man. i really don't.
32:35 when water freezes to ice or evaporates into steam, that's a type of process called a phase change bro. why didn't you say so? your university is calling, they're offering you a refund. i wish man. they're calling asking me for money. bro, we already gave you money. were you not there? were you not paying attention? we already did that part. now we don't need to have anything to do with each other.
33:00 i'm feeling like the dude they got playing quasimodo on the disney wonder. like you think you'd probably take a little bit of offense to it right? you go, you show up, ah you just got hired by disney cruise, i'm gonna be in their broadway style show. who am i gonna play? tarzan? maybe prince charming? nah we're gonna have you put on this fucking forest green cloak. every day i see them walk below the castle.
33:28 just to live one day out there. the smallest population here will be norway. you belong at lowest population. i feel like morocco is tricky to me. it could have 10 million people or 100 million people. and then argentina, brazil obviously has more people than argentina. i feel like spain has less than brazil but more than argentina.
34:00 and france has more than morocco. send it. okay, brazil has 213 million people guys. it's gigantic. it's not as big as canada. we must have like 500 million people. do you? feels that way sometimes at the costco. most of canada is empty. bro, most of everything is empty. there's more space between atoms than there is space taken up by atoms. read a book. todd, todd.
34:31 41 million in canada? nah, it doesn't feel that way. at the still creek road, costco in burnaby, british columbia? nah, i got a bridge to sell you if you think there's only 41 million motherfuckers in there. brazil way bigger than canada by the way? look at a map sometime. okay, miss teen south carolina 2006, look at a map.
34:50 just go to richmond costco, still creek is a zoo. buddy, i've seen some shit at the richmond cosco. did you have, librarian, you know what video i'm going to ask you for. can we have the video of the two old chinese ladies fighting in the richmond, uh, costco parking lot? you instantly had it. okay, let's bring this up here.
35:07 before you tell me, you condescend to me, why don't you go to the richmond costco? age restricted based on your age or account settings because i'm not fucking logged in. i can't watch two old chinese ladies yell at each other in the costco that i go to because i don't have an account on instagram. this is the type of shit going down at my local costco, okay?
35:35 they're going belt to ass over the parking spots, bro. bro is just standing there. at least like you don't have to like get involved in the sense you don't have to like go 2v1, but you can at least get in between them or something like that. just just stand in there. so crazy and that fisherman style vest.
36:04 oh, she gave up her back. see, this is a good samaritan here that got in the middle.
36:37 damn, they were going fucking crazy there. she's mad, yeah, i think she's mad, man. w vancouver, that's my costco, bro. she's yelling, how dare you hit me? i gotta be honest, i think she has a point. shouldn't be fighting over a parking spot. but there's been some times that like, i've been in that parking lot and i've been like, i understand why they were throwing fists, man.
37:02 which richmond? what state? british columbia. i thought, oh richmond makes sense, but the jackets and foliage suggest another one. perhaps richmond, virginia. hey man, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. it's a big world out there, bro. right there. nephew thinks he's a rainbow, it's so good. 1936 establishments in england. tourist attractions in liverpool. it's gotta be abbey road, bro.
37:30 the strawberry fields forever. my bad y'all. give peace a chance. now! you should give peace a chance. now! why didn't i think of that? thanks. oh, could we just get... we're all out of allegiance, don't know how to stop the wars. if only someone, some kind of prophet would come and tell us what we could do to stop the wars. if we could just get all the world leaders to sit down and look at this
37:59 beautiful monument. do you think it could be so simple, man? save us john lennon, save us john lennon, save us john lennon, please john lennon, save me. fictional demons. fictional extraterrestrial humanoids. that's also a tentacled monster. cthulhu. cthulhu. he's just, he's got legs? he just sits on stuff? like he's not... i thought he was literally like
38:31 100,000 meters tall. 2010's hood films. films directed by the safdie brothers about gemstones! it's uncut yams, man! i love this. i think this movie is, i keep saying it's one of the best movies of the 2020s. apparently it came out in 2019, but this is if i was to
38:52 do a letterbox rating of every movie i've ever seen. strong chance this ends up in the top four. i think this is a certified nl top four banger. now, i don't want to think about what it's going to pull out of the top four that we've already set up on letterbox, but it's hard to pull out. it's hard to pull out something like singin' in the rain, man. deuterated compounds? neutron moderators? are you like ozone? heavy water? what? damn!
39:26 this was like when my grandpa got one of those tvs that could zoom and he started watching baywatch all the time. that's pamela anderson, bro. all right, what's this librarian? i miss this. bro skis, fuck onlyfans. heavy water just gave us fat material for a whole week. is she the baddest in the game right now? and if you say no, name who is. i really like the meter of this. i really enjoy the way that that rolls off the tongue. fan him, please.
39:56 i don't know it's pretty it's it's got a certain like a blevens esque sort of uh vernacular to it like it it feels like a blevens style tweet. holistic poop doctor i cured my grandmother's dementia with a big bucket of poop. no you didn't. this is a i will follow your career in this chat with great interest though holistic poop doctor. i like having a big chat like this because characters that otherwise
40:26 i mean, let's put it this way, it's not appropriate for them to, you know, lead a series necessarily. but in the kind of ensemble that we have going on, it's a robert altman esque cast where we can actually, we can afford to have some characters like holistic poop doctor.
40:45 early simpsons coded i gotta start talking with kory about the simpsons man. i know his ass has got opinions on the simpsons do you know i'm sure you probably know this and you're like yet because millennials like won't shut up about it did you know that the simpsons was once like the most popular show in the world? it was like our church, bro but like it's it's fucked up that it's been bad like three times as long as it was awesome and
41:09 like if it ended after like season 20, i think people would have been like, oh, i kind of miss it. but now it's like, it's still real. it's still on? yes, we know. you don't know shit about shh.
41:29 gracie films type shit. yeah, yeah, you don't know shit about dan castellanata. do you? with god as my witness though, i obviously know people who still watch family guy. i don't know anybody who watches the simpsons. like how is it still on the air? have you ever, when was the last time you heard somebody say some shit like, did you see the simpsons last sunday? no human being on earth watches the simpsons anymore. this sequel to the last of us was wild. mother fucker.
42:03 this r rating tattoo that the mpaa inked on and in replacement gains a sturdier grasp of its own character dynamics and implications, particularly in the act of violence. black and white takes away the modern western colorization and its placement within a line of economically centered masculine narratives, allowing title to decentralize to its true self, a film soaked in kindness and how the path of accepting such beacons of... okay, what's the power of that? i don't know, man, i don't know.
42:33 these five stars will only make sense to you if you've like me have crossed paths with character on those drawn pages of escapist youthful fantasy. a well acted extremely violent gritty superhero movie. it's a superhero? you were writing all this shit about a superhero movie? it's logan? it's a good movie. it's a perfectly fine movie. listen, i don't want to be like evil or whatever, but it's kind of
42:59 did you guys know they made a tv show prequel to legally blonde? we have to st i i like, this is not me saying that legally blonde is sacrosanct and the canon can never be touched. but we have to stop hollywood or wherever they're doing this shit. san bernardino, we have to stop we have to stop them. man, you just watched toy story 5? it was on. to be fair, it was on. oh damn, it starts auto playing now. it means i'm working on it, okay?
43:35 ooh, wait. this sounds like fever for the flavor, man. wait, no, this is can't stop, you're right! i fucking got spoiled by chat. it's like, the world i love, the trains i hop to be part of, the wave can't stop. motherfucker. thanks for being smarter at it than i was and getting it before i could i... now, can i at least get... i want to skip to the voice cover now. this is a classic...
44:05 binga bonga bonga bong burbank look a good a good a good the glendale why'd you reach out i forgot how to stream to be honest but the hell was i was playing road to empress before we left but i'm not playing a road to empress today cuz i it's just too much for a guy like me we're playing a little everything is crab. we demand pub g you demand it of me. i
44:34 it's not even installed, man. it's 52 gigabytes. it's 52 gigs. let me see what came out. did anything good come out or are you fucking with me right now? and you know my ass is not playing sand raiders of sophie. if they wanted me to play it, they should have named it something else. rogue dice. now this sounds up my fucking alley, man. are you talking about this rogue dice that's coming soon? it's not out yet?
45:04 what about ultra pool? ultra pool demo. from off brand games. the pool bar is always... it even has ludwig on the store page, bro. the pool bar is always open. ultra pool is a colorful roguelike about playing pool with a bunch of wacky balls with crazy effects. you gotta try bomb banana? i told my wife about it. she said she watched someone play it and it sucks. no offense to the devs if they're watching this right now. probably not. oh, it would be so good to just watch jackass 2.
45:36 oh it would be so awesome to just turn on jackbox or uh jackass to or to watch office space. oh to just watch office space would be so good. hey um so i watched keenan's steely dan minecraft parody yesterday and then in the in the sidebar i saw there's all these videos that are like i genuinely did not know the genre of video existed. you can just film yourself listening to an album with the songs playing
46:05 yeah, it's actually kind of huge. it's cinema. it's peak reaction content. i honestly i'm very sympathetic to the content creator because it sounds annoying to like be listening to something for the first time and also have the pressure to fill like some dead air genre fan reacts to different genre gets like a million views a week. you already do that with video games. yeah, but usually i'm trying to talk about like, i don't know, i'm trying to talk about how devastating it is that like
46:34 public bathrooms need, for the longest time i've said that public bathrooms need to have more stalls. and i do think that they would be better if they had more stalls and less urinals. but honestly, i've been going to a lot of bathrooms that are almost exclusively stalls these days, and it's devastating because everyone's on their fucking phone in the stalls, so i can't go piss!
46:54 the stalls are all full and we used to have a country of quick shitters and now every shit is like 25 minutes long because of smartphones so i can't piss. i gotta piss in the sink. i want to be in the stall so that i can look at my phone while i take my piss. stop watching instagram reels on your phone while you're shitting. i want to get in there and piss and read like a half of a defector article or something. they're watching the reels out loud or as i call them instagram unreels.
47:25 what the fuck? no games came out while i was gone. no games. no video games came out while i was gone. and steam is, when i left it was on the spring sale, now it's on the summer sale. it's always a sale. i'm trying to see new games that came out and they're like, no, we're trying to sell you crusader kings 3 for 71% off. you know what? the game that dan was playing when his stream went down actually looked pretty fun.
47:52 do we have any strong opinions about fortune mill? not star fox. i will not be purchasing the game of star fox. game is okay but it needs severe fps and progression optimizations. no review hits worse than a review that says worth the price. that's being damned with faint praise man. fuck it yeah i guess you know what i mean if it ain't broke don't fix it. i gotta i can't believe i have to install isaac. let's play some fucking isaac man.
48:21 why play mid roguelike when you can play goat roguelike instead? it's that simple. i don't want a game that's worth the price of a modelo. i want a game that is worth my time. a modelo is worth your time? they're literally op, which is why i don't drink them. it's that simple. no one man should have all that power. can we also put... can we dap up my wife a little bit for being the first person on planet earth to discover mecha chameleon? she told me about mecha chameleon like
48:51 three weeks before it came out and said i think this game is going to be big and i said prop hunt? they've done that before. i don't think prop hunt with painting? nah, flash in the pan maybe. flash in the pan. she was right man.
49:06 meanwhile, i'm out here wondering why you guys didn't fuck with tumble seed. you really, you did tumble seed dirty back in like 2017, okay? tumble seed, it had a certain je ne sais quoi. what if you played tumble seed? i'm actually in the right headspace to maybe do that. and dude, how sick would it be if it was, if i was right about tumble seed but it just wasn't the right time? what if in 2026 people are like, wait, this seems kind of awesome.
49:36 this seems kind of incredible. you're not ready for this, but your kids are gonna love it. exactly. we were all busy that week, please bring back tumble seed! in all caps. and wolfclaw's been around for a minute, so i trust that. what else you bring into a newborn baby? ahhh, you know, maybe like a onesie with like a... like a cool onesie with like a bunch of donuts on it or something like that. they go crazy for that type of shit.
50:03 something the parents will put them in once out of like obligation when they've had an hour and a half of sleep in the last week definitely when when we had our daughter josh got us i guess he got her a onesie but we were kind of like because we were like her her regents until she was old enough to like make the decisions to dress herself and
50:26 so we put her in the onesie that josh bought her, which was like a bunch of pittsburgh associated foods. so there was like a pretzel, a sandwich with french fries, some pierogies on it, iron city light and stuff like that. that was a good gift for sure. i miss josh. josh would be feasting in the mecha chameleon era. josh kind of the original corey, right down to the fact that they both love to smoke.
50:55 i've never seen corey smoke. josh doesn't smoke, but i have seen him smoke. it's a complicated web we weave. we contain multitudes, i guess is what i'm trying to say. they are both american, although it's fucked up because corey's like actually canadian, like he's actually a canadian citizen. but like his jeans are american. corey with his iconic cigar, of course. you're so mean to corey? i'm literally corey's best friend. is he mine?
51:26 i'd have to think about it, but there's one thing for sure. i'm his best friend without a doubt. not that there's much competition. there's not a whole lot of people that even wanna be in consideration for that, but so kind of like by default, i'm in the mix at the very least. but why? well, you know what? i'm like watching apollo play mecha chameleon and i'm like, where's corey, bro? corey was in the first
51:57 mecha chameleon stream he was there at the at the birth he was there at the conception no thank you for asking i'm not going to any world cup games because uh they're like really expensive and soccer's only 90 minutes long when it's good and then when it's bad it's 120 minutes long plus penalties i like soccer by the way i'm not anti soccer they've got to figure out something better than penalties i don't literally like the players are just little action figures to me they're not real people i don't care it also like
52:25 i'm sorry, i'm not saying it's not a real sport. that's obviously crazy. there's a reason they can't play like a 20 week season in the nfl because everyone would be dead. but they could do another 45 minutes of overtime until someone scores a real goal instead of going to penalties. like you look at the end of a soccer match and they show their stats and they're like this dude ran for nine kilometers. okay, nine kilometers in 90 minutes is not even like impressive.
52:53 that's a slow ass pace. like if he's doing couch to 5k then good for him or whatever but like he's got more gas in the tank plus they're all like 25. you should be able to do one more half in overtime for sure. seems crazy to me man. meanwhile they got the wnba, real warriors playing a four overtime game in the... was it in the regular? that can't be in the regular season. the courts are tiny.
53:23 they are the same size as the men's basketball courts i'd have to imagine. they're not? they're really not? compared to soccer courts? yeah, but like in soccer... i'm not ragebaiting. obviously it's exercise. there's no doubt about that. i just think they should stop doing them dirty by being like, look at how hard this guy worked. he ran for 9.1 kilometers in 90 minutes. like, there's probably like 3,000 people in chat that are doing that like every morning.
53:54 that's not that impressive. okay, now they're kicking a little ball at the same time, don't get me wrong, but they sprint that far in 90 minutes? that's actually even less impressive because sprinting is faster than just jogging. also, i see them walk, bro. i see them walk. i did not say they're lazy. they're moving at the speed that they need to that's appropriate for the game.
54:17 i just... literally, like, if you're from germany, you should be saying he's absolutely right, you know? you should be saying he's absolutely right. because that game should not have gotten the penalties. they should have played overtimes until someone scored. and also it's not like, you know, skiing. it's not like if they get tired, they're gonna, like, fall down and get a concussion. like, they're just gonna run a little slower. like, it seems like it should be automatic.
54:44 the goal shouldn't have been disallowed. i dead ass didn't even watch the game to be honest with you. i didn't watch any of the games yesterday, but i did watch canada against south africa. and kate was tweaking man when they kept passing the ball back to the south african goalie. she was saying they should get a yellow card for delay of game. now i don't necessarily have to endorse that just because we're married, but
55:08 also, by the way, i did say that i watched nothing while i was gone. that's not true. i watched toy story 5 twice, but also kate showed me a video of someone... she knows my sense of humor very well somehow. she showed me a video of a guy hiring a michael jackson impersonator to go to the michael jackson movie with him. and i gotta say,
55:36 it's obviously steeped in artifice like it's not like a prank video or something it very quickly rose to the top of my list of like favorite genre video michael jackson impersonator going to see michael jackson movie is so good can i get a large popcorn? is this it? i think this i think that's it. yeah, does it start with him saying shimon? yeah, yeah it does
56:05 can i get two tickets for the movie? yeah, the michael jackson movie. can i get a large pop coo coo? pop coo coo! what should i get? it's just something about it. it's so pure, man. it's so pure. where were you when you found out that he died? i was in my... i was in my office.
56:38 like, not this office, but i worked, believe it or not, at a place with an office. and at the office, we always listen to the radio. and it was a rock and roll station. not now, the impersonator, as far as i know, is still alive, but the video's probably old, because i think michael came out in like april or something like that. but, um... and then it was a rock radio station, but they were like, we have to cut into the song. we were probably playing like some shitty theory of a dead man song or something like that. but they cut in to be like, we got breaking news.
57:07 the king of pop michael jackson has died and my boss went oh my god like
57:15 just, i never even knew she was like a fan, but it was like, literally it became like a day of mourning in our office and like around the world. like it was crazy news. farrah fawcett died the same day and she didn't get any attention? okay buddy, probably like 30,000 people died the same day. now what i was not, i should not have finished the sentence that concocted in my head, which was, she ain't special, because that's not true.
57:39 obviously she was special and she was in charlie's angels, the tv show. and all human life is precious, but... i mean, it's michael jackson, man. it's michael jackson. but i'll probably feel differently if like me and markiplier die on the same day or some shit like that. probably be like, damn, they really don't give a fuck about me, huh?
57:58 damn, they don't care about me at all, huh? the indignity to not only die and be like, you know, smudged out of existence forever, but then also to die... to be a little famous, but die on the same day as someone who's much more famous so nobody gives a fuck. you know the reddit comments would be like, yeah, and also nl... nl too? say, oh...
58:23 yeah, wait, bad deaths, celebrity deaths always come in threes. i wonder who the third's gonna be. wait, who is the second? there was another streamer who died. is there a crowdfunding website but instead of money it's poop? holistic poop doctor, i feel like you're not quite as good as the first, the introduction of the holistic poop doctor character. yeah, straying a little bit from the doctor bit.
58:55 unless you i don't know maybe you need like a wide variety of poops to to do your your medical practice i don't know. it's a lot a lot of poop not that much doctor fuck it, bro. we're gonna die. it's tumble seed time calling his character night crawlers a good bit. i've seen night crawler i don't remember like anything about it either. i know it has renee russo in it. that's a plus is that the one where he uses his teleportation powers to?
59:26 well do a little something like that. he's blue type shit. we got to do one more. we got to do one more you can't just go down like that. i am washed though. there's no doubt about that you might have the worst chat on this website, man. these guys are not funny first off. oh
59:45 we have a very diverse crowd in the chat. it's not all guys. it's like 86% guys, 4% women, and then like 10% prefer not to answer the question. okay? so it's not... i take issue with your use of nomenclature, for one. secondarily, it's actually like that classic quote about democracy. it's like the worst chat except for all the other chats we've ever tried.
1:00:12 i will say, i was watching dan stream a little bit this morning. i feel bad for the dan shatters that don't know that everything that he's saying is bait and they're like responding as if what he's saying is a good faith comment and instead...
1:00:31 they don't say something like, there literally was not a good video game that came out before the year 2002. and then someone in chat will be like, what about super metroid? super metroid's pretty good. i'm like, this person, like, you can't be just getting farmed like this nonstop. i feel so bad for them, man, because they don't know what's happening. they're just, they're responding, the bait. it's like when your cat chases a laser pointer or something like that.
1:00:59 it is, they're trying to help but then also they can be annoying too because his stream was dying today. like his internet was going out and there were still people that were like, you should buy the upgrade to make your darts shoot faster in the incremental game and i was like, man that is not what you want to hear when your stream is going down because your internet is breaking. forget x2, it's all about triple x. i saw that in theaters man. august 2002, i'll never forget. go look it up.
1:01:28 it's bad you shouldn't have watched it. uh, it was one of my first tastes of independence actually. i had a guy's night in the summer of eighth grade where me and three of my guy friends went to see the movie triple x and then we ate at montana's by ourselves. pretty sweet right? saw a lot of shitty movies as canon events. die another day. the movie theater used to be so popular
1:01:52 that when die another day came out, i went to the theater to see it with my friends. the show we all showed up for was fucking sold out, bro. so we had planned like on the friday or something like that to go to the 715 show of die another day.
1:02:10 we all got there like no phones, right? i mean there's phones but no cell phones. everybody drove the half hour to the movie theater, got there, the movie's fucking sold out. we waited at the movie theater for two hours, saw like the 930 show instead and even then we had to sit at the fucking front of the theater like this, looking up at madonna being a fencing coach.
1:02:32 and we didn't have fucking cell phones back then, man. we didn't have lily pads. what were we doing? probably making up some inside joke. i remember, as i'll never forget.
1:02:43 don't blame me, this is literally not me covering for myself. i went to the movie theater to see triple x with my friends, my three guy friends in the eighth grade. and then this lady walked by my friend, i have to reiterate this, my friend was like 12 or 13 years old because we were in the eighth grade, right? or 13 or 14, i guess. and a grown woman walked by and he said something and i said, oh, what did you say? and he said, i said she had a ghetto booty.
1:03:10 and i was like, what are you talking about, man? we're like 13, 14 years old. what are you, i don't think you could say that. it's like, what is he talking about? why would he say that? i don't know. he was off the pen, man. is that good or bad? it's remarkable, i guess. this is pre malf, i'm afraid. this is like three months before i knew that a man named malf existed.
1:03:39 i mean, i don't know if there's anythi well okay, the michael jackson impersonator videos are really funny, but other than that, i don't know if there's anything funnier than like a like a 13 year old boy swearing. unless the kid actually like, grew up tough, in which case you're like, you might be a little bit scared, but like a kid that grew up in like a comfortable middle class upbringing trying to hit the f word for like one of the first 20 times in their entire life, but they just it just doesn't fit yet. what about a 13 year old michael jackson impersonator?
1:04:11 can i get a large popcorn? oh man. there was another, um, there's another video she showed me of a michael jackson impersonator and they had the impersonator do a rain bet like blackjack hand in the middle of the video. it's like this our our culture is in such a good spot right now man it's so it's so awesome.
1:04:40 it's so fucking stupid. not, no, not the geoguessr guy, not the geoguessr guy. i think it's an online casino. mj, let's take a little rainbat break while we're just chilling. hey, we won! you ready for the movie? but the good, i know you guys are all saying gambling's really bad. uh, okay, dummies. they won the hand. they literally took money from the casino.
1:05:10 and like that's bad? okay if casinos are evil then isn't it good that the casino now has one less dollar? i do like how that, i mean it's staged obviously but the comic sense to direct the amc employee to ask what movie they're gonna go see when the dude is a michael jackson impersonator is really, really funny. should have said disclosure day. i forgot that that shit came out man.
1:05:39 i honestly, i think if we make first contact with aliens, we should just say that like steven gets to be the guy to talk to the alien first. because obviously like he's fucking horn up over it man. he's made like seven movies about making contact with aliens. like they should just let steven talk to them and then, then they can talk to trump, okay?
1:06:02 i know in normal circumstances, we would probably, in every movie, the first person the alien talks to is the president of the united states, but we are not living in what?! you're frozen, bro! we're not living in normal times, man. would you cry if you saw a dead alien? yeah bro, i think i would fucking cry if i saw a dead alien.
1:06:24 that would be like an overwhelming event for me. like think about the cascade of realizations. first off, there's other like intelligent life in the universe. there's a fucking crazy revelation and i'm seeing proof positive of it in front of my face. and then also it fucking died. of course i would cry. i mean, i cried like a fucking baby in toy story 5. of course i'd cry if i saw a dead alien, man.
1:06:49 also got to ora farm with my wife because as soon as smarty pants came on the screen i went, oh shit, that's conan. and she went, what? you're right. yeah, i know. isn't that on the the rads are? do you love pointing out who the voice of an animated character is when you watch animated movies with people? fucking my neurodivergent ass. yeah, check it out. that's john ratzenberger. yeah, yeah. yeah, that's cliff. that's cliff from cheers.
1:07:21 xanthea is michi man. and lebron james is wongi. is danny devito torgo? i think we're gonna have to go to the judges on that one. i'm literally, i was not even looking at the screen. i was just walking into enemies. i scream my phone calls, man. i'm walking into spiderwebs. what team should lebron go to? probably new york fc now that they're not getting harry kane. warriors please.
1:07:55 oh, because then they could call it. they probably already do call him the olden state warriors, but then they could really call him the olden state warriors. average age of 39. it is funny because like when we were watching the world cup, kate was like, is ronaldo good? and i was like, no, he's 42. he's washed. like it's honestly, it's crazy that portugal keeps playing him for the full game instead of using him as like a super sub with 75 minutes elapsed.
1:08:22 and then she was like, what about messi? isn't he the same age? and i was like, no, messi's like 39. messi, he's still young. messi's still got some good games left in him, okay? he's still 42. hang it up, grandpa. but 39? let's just pump the brakes on all the messi slander, okay? jerma is not 90 years old. i don't even like talking about jerma in my chat. you get a thousand messages that are like,
1:08:50 it's hard to believe jerma's older than you. man, fuck you. i didn't choose my fucking genes. asshole. you know, chose to go bald when i was like 17 damn years old, motherfucker. you can tell that we're from slightly different generations though, because jerma's favorite zelda is majora's mask and mine is hyrule warriors. so obviously he's 40 and i'm 12. stop putting spikes on the chest, because how am i supposed to look at chat and play the game?
1:09:22 you literally can't stream the game and play it at this end because you just keep walking into chess. i would rather die than drink one month old dasani. okay, it's literally obviously dasani is not good, but it is still literally water. it's not, holy cow, i'm good at this game. let's not go crazy. it's still it's still two hydrogens and an oxygen.
1:09:48 it does taste like they put like an iodine tablet into it. like it's something you drink like when you're in the international space station or something like that. like it's recirculated urine or something and they're like, well it's like chemically identical to water but you're like yeah but there's a little funk to it too. i will say i'm a cold water drinker as like almost everybody is. but one time i was on a road trip to dartmouth, nova scotia
1:10:16 with my parents and grandparents, and as a kid i got carsick as fuck. and they drove like a 1995 ford windstar with cloth seats. so in the summertime it smelled like a fucking dungeon, man. like it just it smelled like nausea in there. i don't know how else to describe it. and one time i threw up in the car, which is kind of a recurring theme for me. but either way,
1:10:41 my parents pulled over at a restaurant and then i was throwing up in like the bathroom in the restaurant and there was a doctor in the bathroom that was like, hey if your son is throwing up, if his stomach is upset, here's a little tip from a doctor. drink some lukewarm water.
1:10:59 so i drank some lukewarm water and it didn't do shit, but now anytime i drink lukewarm water, i have like sense memory that ties it to the misery of throwing up in a restaurant bathroom in like sackville, new brunswick. thanks a lot, doc. thanks a lot. fuck isaac. it's too hard. it's tumble seed time. are five hour streams actually this long? i feel like i've been streaming for like 60 hours straight.
1:11:28 you reference this trip often as a negative. this is two different trips, okay? the one... i understand why you would say that because i do talk about that time that my grandparents took me to truro nova scotia and we got robbed at the keddie inn. that was two different trips.
1:11:45 now if i may, the first... i don't hold anything against the maritimes for me throwing up in the ford windstar. it's something about the way the cloth reacts to the heat to smell like nausea, okay? but yeah, in truro, nova scotia, they broke into our... the same fucking van that took all my game boy games. why were your grandparents taking you to truro? i don't know, we fucking... we're still trying to get to caledonia or whatever. we had a little bit further to go, bro.
1:12:13 there's nothing here in truro? well there's a fucking keddie inn. there it fucking is. oh my god it's from a... i'm so old. it's from a facebook group called nova scotia memories of days gone by. keddie's motor inn on prince street in truro. yep, there it is.
1:12:31 one year ago, stayed there many times. the pool kept me coming back from the hot summer days at the maitland dragway. oh my god, i used to go swimming there with my uncle and cousins. me, fucking, da da da da da. yeah, i stayed there once. we got fucking robbed. they broke into our van and took all my game boy games. it could have been someone in the comments. stayed there with my parents once on our way somewhere. it was a nice spot. hey man, fuck you. no, the fuck it wasn't.
1:13:03 died with c section. the first stream back from a vacation is never real, you should know that. it's tumble seed bro, 183 followers pull up. apart from that though, things are going nice, man. super auto pets catching a wave on twitch of course.
1:13:22 it's very validating, not because i had a bunch of haters that told me it wasn't going to make it or whatever, but i've gone in on game thesis before. some of my game theses in the past have turned out to be lame theses, quite frankly. i remember
1:13:40 pax prime one year, probably 2015, 2016. played a delightful little physics based roguelite that i thought would turn the world on its head. had incredible presentation, a little bit of almost like a nintendo's, you know, animal crossing style art aesthetic. from a team of developers who had made hits in the past that have taken the world by storm. it's not out yet, so i'm not really trying to sell it to you, but mostly i wanna get better at it, cause i'm garbage at it. give me a second here to get the screen reached and set up, and it'll be fine.
1:14:08 runs are also like 45 seconds long each when you're bad, so it's perfect. oh, that's fantastic but i think this is gonna be potentially like the next roguelite that that takes the world by storm it's just so different i am now i have a quote in a trailer on nintendo's youtube channel so they legally have no recourse to claim a video and
1:14:35 that's true. i said tumble seed was potentially the next roguelite that could take the world by storm and nintendo bought it hook line and sinker. a little game called tumble seed and thought this game is gonna, it's gonna be a thing. i wouldn't feel comfortable saying you know it's the next spelunky or whatever but this game is gonna be a thing. it was not a thing. i got early access. i had sung its praises for
1:15:01 uh... months minimum in advance of its release. i got early access, recorded a bunch of videos. first video came out, people were like, this is a snooze. second video came out, people were like, why is he still playing this? i still, i remember it to this day, i still harbor the idea.
1:15:20 that perhaps at some point the world will be ready for tumbleseed. i think it's maybe a great game is a step too far, not because i don't think it's great, but because i didn't play enough of it to know, because i got so disheartened by the fact that i was like the game's only champion and everybody else was like, i don't really get it. that i just, you know, it was worse to have loved and lost than never loved at all. let's put it that way. hang on, i gotta install it. last played may 3rd, 2017.
1:15:50 this fucking sucked by the way because i've recorded like 10 tumble seed videos and then the first one i was like i can't wait for people to see this and then the fucking the first video came out and people said this game looks like shit motherfucker. this game's been out for 10 years, 76 reviews. flinthook next? i don't think flinthook is that good man. flinthook is actually good. no the fuck it isn't in my opinion.
1:16:17 this looks like shit. you were trying to tell me gauntlet sucks, he's loading up tumble seed? i don't know what i'm doing man, i don't know what i'm doing. it's the same game but better? i didn't have a gamecube bro! when i was a kid gamecubes were for little babies. if you were a fucking gangster you owned an original xbox or maybe a playstation 2 but you do not own billy hatcher and the giant egg gamecube console okay?
1:16:42 let's do the tutorial in tumble seed, bro. this game just came out nine years ago. it's the best game ever made and the youtube populace put out a hit on it. how does tumble seed work? bro, you have a line on the bottom of the screen and your character is this ball. any deck builder mechanics? sadly, sadly no deck builder mechanics, but here we... anyone up rolling their ball? you were probably a gamecube hater as well. bro, cel shading! looks like a cartoon. cartoons are for babies.
1:17:13 cell shading lost, bro. get over it. so the point is, you want to not fall into the hole. and right now you're like, well, it's obvious you'll never fall into the hole because there's almost no holes on the map. well, guess what, poindexter? it gets a little bit harder. so i hope you buckle up, buttercup. it's one of the reasons people weren't fucking with the game that much is because maybe i was just too good at it. those holes you do want to go into.
1:17:55 for some reason this is invoking memories of the girder it is a little it's a little foddy coated for sure and we're bringing it back man the golden age of indie games tumble cedar dinner with jay z i honestly i i don't want to have dinner with jay z i just don't i what is jay z gonna tell me i will say we did we did play a little trivia while we were gone and one of the trivias we did was like
1:18:24 decades of music trivia. so they played songs from like the 1940s till the 2010s, okay? and my whole trivia team looked at me like i was a fucking legend. you know what song they thought i was legendary for guessing correctly? umbrella by rihanna.
1:18:45 everybody on my team was like, holy shit, how did you know that? and it's literally the clip that they played was like, kachch! uh huh! i was like, that's jay z at the start of rihanna's umbrella. holy shit, he's playing tumble seed? the prophecy. check it out, get mogged. and then we plant our seed, which over time generates more thorns for us. they were right in 2017, this is a tough watch. no, the fuck it isn't, bro! you're just rolling a ball up a hill!
1:19:15 it's the easiest watch of all time! do the crystals have large talons? listen, napoleon. you don't like it? you can leave. you just wait till it fucking pops off, man. i'm here to prove that in 2017 people didn't know what they were talking about. don't fall in the hole, by the way. last time i saw you play this, trump was in office? crazy to think about.
1:19:42 and also from what i hear, he's never in the office. doesn't he golf all the time? america needs you bro, get back to work or whatever. people got problems out there. golf and blood infusions. you know, i say this bit like every two or three years. and one day the bit's not gonna work anymore. and you guys are gonna act like i'm evil, which is crazy. but like, isn't it crazy that the bucket list came out in like 2008?
1:20:12 and both of the motherfuckers from the bucket list, a movie about dying, are still alive? they could have made like seven bucket lists at this point, man. i didn't say it's fucked, i didn't say like i don't want them to die. like i'm i guess jack nicholson's like, on my bucket list i just wanna i wanna see a los angeles lakers game courtside and eat a sandwich on my boat, motherfucker. did you see that shit? did you see that shit?
1:20:43 full suite of thorns, never going down the pit. i promise you that. this is classic tumble seed. and then sometimes you just take your time, man. sometimes you just honestly, i mean we have so many thorns. maybe you go heart seed on this one. get your hp back up, and that's the first level complete. was that good? you can't tell me if this shit came out like the same day as ball x pit. people would be like they would be like, you gotta play tumble seed too. play tumble seed, bro. tumble seed's good too.
1:21:17 you guys went fucking crazy for ball x pit. don't call it ball x shit. that's too far. the bar is in hell? it could be worse. we could be back to playing counter strike. at least we're not saying too long. yeah, yeah, it's a pick two. and then you don't just pick, man. you have to actually navigate over to it. it's gonna have to be the bounce berry.
1:21:45 they hadn't invented picking three, it's so true. and then watch this. use the bounce barrier to its full effect. what the fuck? it sucks? it doesn't do anything? floodseed is better, gg. oh great, now just because i'm the top tumbleseed stream in the directory now i have to deal with all the people who don't even watch the stream.
1:22:14 they just come in here to be like, wow, this guy shitted tumble seed. yeah, bro. i mean, i just started playing. i haven't played in literally 10 years. okay, that's fucked up, though. that's actually fucked. oh, i guess i'll just get killed then. i guess i'm fighting a boss and i'm just flying up in the air like an asshole. it's funny to think about the type of chatter that goes to someone's stream of them playing a video game and says something like, can i offer some constructive criticism?
1:22:49 like can you imagine? i have to activate both. okay, i can do this. why is that weird? because you're like playing with a toy man. because you're playing with a toy. although too motherfucker. i'm fucking dead? you suck at tumbleseed? i didn't even make it to the first boss. i made it through the forest canopy and the tutorial and i died on the gate? or did i almost beat the game? the youtube comments in 2017 were right.
1:23:44 i think the game is good, man. i might have put a little too much sauce on it back in the day though. i think the game is pretty good though. it seems interesting. i'll watch its career with great interest. imagine, man. imagine. imagine. oh, shit.
1:24:24 fuck you two, man. the tragic life of poopies from jackass forever. let me just watch these boys destroy themselves on the screen, okay? you're telling me that... something happened to poopies? chris drummer hears baba o'reilly for the first time. the fuck is youtube, man? i watched the new jackass last night. i gotta see that, chiblee, i gotta see that.
1:24:51 instead i'm out here looking at jackass johnny knoxville and chris pontius try bizarre food from around the world. man, who fucking cares? who fucking cares, man? i don't want to see johnny knoxville, like, eat korean cheetos, man. i want... i know what i want to see johnny knoxville do.
1:25:10 guess the video game music quiz. easy to make possible. to me, a blank page is the window to adventure. once there's that click of inspiration, i'm transported to my happy place. because my favorite color is every color and my mood is always joy. and from canada we have breanne allery. she's said to be one of the most incredible soccer players of her time. yes, the true goat of the soccer field. oh my gosh, just look at her mind to muscle connection here as she warms up.
1:25:41 they got people just shooting ads. like this is the ritz corporation, man. it's gotta be one of the top 10 biggest companies on planet earth. i mean they make ritz. this is not like a fucking joke. this is a serious product. and this is the ad?
1:26:06 people on their toes. it seems that we have a distraction here off the field. hey, these are brand new rip soccer shapes. they're the first of many of two different shapes. great for professional athletes like brianne or for soccer game watch partners. oh yeah, look at that. she's enjoying those. okay, she looks like she's ready to play now. you know with the passion and drive that she has, and along with some of these signature moves of hers, that's unconventional there, but that works for her every time she's on the field. gold feels within reach for this athlete for sure.
1:26:33 holy shit
1:26:37 hang on, i gotta read this. i gotta read this. hello the breather z here. this is a guess the video game series tune. here are the rules. guessing the video game series points. easy is one point, two is medium, three is hard, impossible is four. if you guess the game that it's from you get an extra point. it could be switch, playstation, xbox or windows.
1:27:04 i read it all that that's mario guys. i got this one. that's that's they got mario on the screen man yeah, that's the super mario brothers i'm gonna say that's from super mario brothers 1
1:27:33 i'm locking in. yeah, okay, from the nes. oh shit. that's sonic the hedgehog, bro. that's green hill zone from sonic the hedgehog 1. from the sega genesis. i can do this. great song, great song. that's the legend of zelda from the nes. that's the legend of zelda 1. that's pokemon. my bad. no points for that one? no points!
1:28:27 that's halo. on the xbox one. i mean the first xbox. that's that's fucking halo, man. huge. photorealistic graphics. that's the legend of zelda. now i'm realizing this is a different song from the first song that i got wrong. this is the legend of zelda from the nintendo entertainment system. this is the shit my friends do when they come over?
1:28:59 well now you get the friend experience with the streamer from the comfort of your own home. okay, this is embarrassing. this is tetris. i know this one, i just don't know it. kirby super stock. okay. that's final fantasy vii. yeah. i'm taking the gill and i'm reorganizing the materia right now. final fantasy vii vii.
1:29:41 this has to be donkey kong country. no one else has a marimba like that. diddy kong racing. i miss this guy. i was always playing as the badger in this game.
1:30:21 i've absolutely no idea. shadow of the colossus. killzone? who gives a fuck? killzone 2? who fucking cares, man? pac man world 2? fuck this. you guys are nerds. i'm gonna do this with my cool jock friends. so i can be like, that's halo. and they're gonna be like, what? how did you know that? you guys are just going, that's pac man world 2.
1:30:55 i'm learning a lot about the world of youtube. i didn't realize it's just games now. and then also this one. my son texted, dad can't join the cruise. my wife wants only family. from the youtube channel family justice served. wait, true story is two hours and 37 minutes long?
1:31:17 it's two hours long?
1:31:40 dude, is this what youtube is? it's a fish tank and then like an ai generated picture of a man in the bottom left.
1:31:57 family justice served. true stories of injustice and redemption. it is mark carney.
1:32:11 i wanted a week where we had to share space meals and time where conversations could not be dodged with a polite excuse and a quick exit. i picked up the phone expecting a simple message about pickup time. instead, i read a block of text that made my stomach go cold. plans changed. dad cannot join the cruise. vanessa wants only family. we will send pictures. only family. two words that turned my house into a waiting room.
1:32:37 yes, man.
1:33:00 so i slowed down. i took a screenshot of the text and emailed it to myself, a habit i never broke. the moment stopped being just a wound. it became a record. my coffee sat untouched. my suitcase sat packed. navy seal asked her rank as a joke, and then four generals saluted her. one hour, eight minutes. my daughter emailed, you're uninvited, watch livestream wedding.
1:33:28 my daughter said, this is from silk in vengeance, my dad watches these daily? really? are we fucked man? my daughter said i wasn't sophisticated enough for her wedding. i just smiled and deleted the email. then i made one simple phone call to the venue manager. she called me screaming. there's a whole genre video that's just like my kids
1:33:52 like getting revenge on my kids? my son texted me, dad on my wedding day, i don't want you to show up. i smiled all silently, closed all his bank accounts. the next morning he showed up at my door.
1:34:11 my son got married. i kept secret the 90 million dollars my late wife left me. it turned out to be the smartest decision i ever made. my mom told me i wasn't invited to their cruise after i bought them a 400,000 dollar house. so i sold it while they were away. you won't believe what happened when they came back. there's so many videos, i didn't know there's so many videos about
1:34:39 my mom wouldn't let me go on the cruise. in the morning my son texted me, plans changed, you're not coming on the cruise. my wife wants only her family. the next day i canceled the payment, sold the house and left town when they came back the house. this is crazy. in the morning my son texted me, plans changed, you're not coming on the cruise. i never told my wife's family i owned the $17 million company that paid their salaries. then they threw my daughters out in the snow on christmas eve.
1:35:08 i mean the comments of these videos are also crazy man. like this is all ai generated. the comments are acting like the best test of a child's care for you is when you are no longer their financial support but they still want to see you. i'm an old parent and i just want you other parents of adult children to know that it's okay to not like your adult children if they earned it.
1:35:31 something similar happened to me. when my husband died, my son and his wife tried to control his estate and said i was only entitled to a certain amount. i knew this was not correct because he left everything to me when he passed. i had to find an attorney who specialized in elder law to settle the estate. i moved from north carolina to charleston and have no contact with my son, but i do have peace. bro, this is all... this is a computer!
1:35:55 this story was so disturbing i was in tears. his son treated me like an enemy. the deepest betrayal is from your child. no, actually i've decided that this is just really sad. my daughter keeps talking about our cognitive decline. this story has my suspensions up. we are fine. we can prove we are fine. the fact they try to pull this crap is frightening. we have a will and an attorney and i will be seeing him to make some changes. i can't let your suspensions get close.
1:36:32 i can't read the wood they shouldn't be leaving comments on this man the internet was better when like it's a little too ages for me to feel comfortable saying i was like i feel like the internet was better when old people didn't know how to use a keyboard
1:36:52 when they were like, i can't leave a comment, i don't know how to type. so then when they were reaching their twilight years they just watched a lot of tv, which is obviously not what we want for ourselves, but it's much sadder to read all these comments on this ai generated video
1:37:12 the robots are making the videos and the humans are leaving the comments, man. my wife divorced me at my retirement party while my kids cheered. i calmly signed the papers and whispered, you have no idea what you just did. at his retirement party? my wife served me divorce papers at my own retirement party while my children cheered best day ever. your children cheered best day ever. when your wife served you divorce papers at your retirement party.
1:37:40 they cheered best day ever. to hell with those backstabbers. james kept the lights on for 35 years while everyone looked down on the work that supported them. the moment he revealed those 11 properties wasn't just about money, it's proof of what real... it's frightening to me that so many people have a dark fantasy of like, oh yeah? well, for our entire marriage, i hid all my assets from you.
1:38:08 and now that you've revealed your true character, aren't you sorry? it has 781,000 views, man. tumbleseed got like 30k. got 30k. there's no justice in this world. my streamer announced a super cruise, but i complained on reddit. he didn't see it coming. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, because anyone got a link to that one? does anyone have a link to that one? i want to see what he'd, because that sounds like something that happened to me and i want to know
1:38:37 i want to know what the hero of the story did in that one. i want to know what they did. this is the majority of the voting population. i will say while i was gone, i did overhear a 10 minute long discussion over what year trump's first term started and they were like, i'm pretty sure, well, one thing i know for sure is it was after obama.
1:39:03 i think it was 2012 and then the other one was like 2012 that doesn't seem right that doesn't seem like that could be right and they were like really like really pouring over it. fuck it tomorrow earthbound let's play episode one getting started tomorrow we start playing castlevania super castlevania 4 episode 1 the title i got a whip
1:39:29 you really will. i'll spend like all day with my kid and then she'll say some shit like i don't like daddy i like mommy more and i'm like man what the fuck you weren't talking like that at the playground let me put it that way. well, where was that kind of talk when you needed some help getting across the monkey bars? yeah, that's right. that's right, man i'm starting to see the point of these videos just saw your old vids reacting to crazy birthday party uncle reminds me of the piss nuke guy from insta reels. okay, i need to
1:40:00 what is what is pissnuke? also it is crazy to call them old vids. i think that they're from april. it's time for another pissnuke tutorial. please watch pissnuke. save that. i can't show this, right? even librarians stressed. i don't know. should i send the pissnuke? is it going to be tos? i mean it sounds tos.
1:40:27 it's called piss nuke. it's okay. we're gonna have to wait till after the br, okay? longest title? attack of the motherfucking clones. what's your favorite game of all time? easy. mother 3. no. any leisure suit, larry. why do i have no points? the force awakens is a longer title? let me link to a movie from the 2010s, man. maybe like star wars episode. force awakens gotta be longer than last jedi, but rise?
1:41:04 bro, i waited too long. i'm gonna lose my chance. i couldn't think of a movie that attached to star wars, man. where am i? fuck, i got five fucking points, man. i'm just thinking about the piss nuke. right now i'm imagining what the piss nuke could be, and until i know what it is, it could be anything, and i think that's awesome. cognitive decline is obviously sad.
1:41:37 but it is always crazy on hoarders when they go to like someone's house and they're not just hoarding like old newspapers and stuff but they got like a bunch of bottles of their own piss. the human mind is a terrifying place man. film from the 2010s. what the fuck? okay, okay martin scorsese's in... isn't he in scary movie or something? scary movie 6? i mean i know he's in quiz show.
1:42:04 what did he burn his... oh, he's in the mandalorian! the groglet! meet the fockers. i got priority! move me up so i can't do anything! great, i'm dead. now i gotta watch piss nuke. so this is the one. this is the one that says, seven year old me after pissing in a balloon in the school bathroom and coming back to my second grade class. and this is from mr. piss air. nuke incoming! everybody get down! sir!
1:42:45 he's nuke incoming! everybody get down! sir! oh! it's pretty good, man. it does not sound like corey at all, man. listen, i don't know if i can say it, lyndon bates johnson, but i was mad at you for something and i don't remember what i was mad at you for. there's no way the last harry potter didn't win a few fucking, like, participation trophies.
1:43:19 at the oscars. i don't remember what i was mad at you for but you brought it back by saying jeff foxworthy is a little lesbian coded. okay good game because he i mean not the content of his speech which is obviously for manly men but like his look is a little it's a little lesbian coded for sure. i usually sleep through the stream to be honest and then watch clips. hey man fuck you i'm busting my ass here
1:43:53 what do you mean you sleep through the fucking stream? i'm doing my i'm putting a solid day's work with influenza don't play gummo against me! julian donkey boy. julian julian donkey boy. the mule. the mule from 2018 with nick schenk. i left the door open on schenk. another another big snub for the mule.
1:44:25 maestro? damn, bradley cooper was in the fucking mule? you had way too much cachet to be in the mule, bro. he was the fbi guy? hey, come on over. haven't seen the mule, bro. don't be ridiculous. sending you 1000 day quill? oh, but like literally, can i say something? stupid people have ruined the world for people that can handle their shit. like there's absolutely no reason i shouldn't be allowed to have
1:44:54 a latte with two pumps of daquil in it. obviously some fucking moron would drink like six of them in a day and have a heart attack, but like i can handle my shit. why can't i go to a coffee shop and be like give me a daquil latte, two pumps, extra shot. oh but someone would get yeah but not me! but not me! we have to stop tailoring the world for the stupid people!
1:45:20 it's the reason i can't buy cough syrup at the drugstore after like 8pm because as soon as the pharmacist goes home the pharmacy stays open till midnight but they have to lock the cough syrup behind the fucking shelf. meanwhile all the studies are coming out saying the cough syrup doesn't even do anything. it doesn't alleviate symptoms and it certainly doesn't help you purge the bacteria from your body any faster. but you can't, it's too dangerous to sell it if there's not somebody there not even looking at me when i go to buy it.
1:45:50 enjoy the rest of your day. i will be back tomorrow. tomorrow's canada day. i'll be back tomorrow. i swear it to you it's true. good night. y'all i literally got 500 followers just now you say you're looking for someone who'll sit down when they go pee someone who clean the bathroom someone do after see someone who i each and every stay me babe no
1:46:27 no, no, no! said don't you dare hold back just put your eyes on me she said you're holding back i said stand up to poop and pee this board it is so dirty i said ewwww stand up to poop and pee i've got a beach house in miami everything 24 karat and that's how they got me if you want me kinda stuff there's a cadillac girl who puts her miles on it
1:46:57 anything you want just to put a smile on it you deserve it baby, you deserve it all you should sit down and pee i'll never sit down to pee you should know that about me i like to stand up when i pee, right when i pee