we're going to need a bigger boat - Bits and Banter [06⧸04⧸2026]

Name: we're going to need a bigger boat - Bits and Banter [06⧸04⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-06-07
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "we're going to need a bigger boat - Bits and Banter [06⧸04⧸2026]" — 227 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-06-07

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0:00 thoughts brought to you by the coffee shop this morning. i don't really fuck with sheryl crow, but what a great injustice that the one enduring song that still exists in our culture from her is soak up the sun. the worst of her songs that made it on the radio consistently. what happened to
0:20 all i wanna do is have some fun. i got a feeling i'm not the only one. like that's got a, that's got a certain, it's got a very slight edge to it at the very least. all i ever hear is soak up the sun, man.
0:37 she has one more. it might be a cover. wait, what is the... well, she has a cover of the post malone song circles, which is crazy. here's how much i don't fuck with sheryl crow. i actually think that like her second best song might be a post malone song and i don't even know shit about post malone. but sheryl, list of sheryl crow songs.
0:58 if it makes you happy is not that bad either. it's not, dude, my favorite mistake is actually pretty good. every day is a winding road is all right. we gotta get soak up the sun off the fucking coffee shop radio playlist, man, and bring back, uh, you know how my soul, you're my favorite person. i mean, it's been a long time since i heard my favorite mistake, but i know she goes, you're my favorite mistake.
1:28 because i'm pretty sure that shit was on now that i, that's what i call music for, which i have. now that's what i call music for. now take me back to now. it might be now that's what i call music too. it is now that's what i call music too. those memories are never leaving, man. maybe one more time you get what you give by the new radicals.
1:48 millennium by robbie williams. oh, some classics on this. father of mind by everclear. wasn't easy growing up as a white kid in a black neighborhood. i wish they could take that one back or maybe they wish they could take that one back, but it's such a funny lyric.
2:15 yeah, we don't have take that in canada, but i think i do know a take that song. don't they do, i ever want to be with you, something like that? a lot of british exports make it to canada, but only a small swath of musicality from england mercifully makes it across the atlantic, when it comes to pop music at least.
2:38 yeah, we get the spice girls, we get ed sheeran, but then every once in a while you do a bandle and you're like, what the fu it's fucking it was the christmas number one in 1999, mate! it's shit on a shingle by mr. pibb! and it's always some shit that's like, laaaah, la la la laaaah, laa la la la, shit on a shingle, laaaah,
3:05 la la la la. just admit you knew gasolina. i don't know gasolina. thoughts on chinese music? you know what's crazy is that in my mandarin lesson on my app yesterday, i learned how to say the most impractical sentence of all time. wo shuo guang dong hua. you know what that fucking means? i speak cantonese. why the fuck would i ever need to know how to speak
3:34 i speak cantonese in mandarin. i don't think there could be a less practical sentence for a white boy like me who's learning mandarin. i should fucking know, wo bu shu guang dong hua, wo shu pu tong hua, pu tong yu, sorry, wo shu pu tong yu. but if you meet a chinese person who only speaks cantonese, well then why the fuck, like i'm not gonna say i don't speak cantonese in mandarin to them.
4:04 i'm pretty sure i'm going to say, sorry man, i don't speak cantonese. and then they're going to say, oh my bad og. watch rachel getting married, peak 2008 core. i have a bone to pick with criterion right now. went to criterion today to watch muriel's wedding. oh, it's not on in canada. it's advertised on the canadian criterion channel wedding collection, but it's not available in canada.
4:28 okay, no big deal. i guess i'll watch rachel getting married. oh, that shit isn't available on criterion channel canada either. it's like it's not that big of a deal. i just think i should get like $3.50 back or something like that because literally half of the movies that they added in june are not available in canada for some reason because they're probably owned by like telefilm or something like that. time for urbanized? oh, fuck it. that's why i watched urbanized today. urbanized was okay.
4:55 but i kind of had a... i mean, i was on a wave with the weddings and odysseys collections. so it kind of threw a monkey wrench into things. ontario creates now aiming to make a million matt johnsons. we need a million matt johnsons by 2050. i actually dreamed, and i swear this is true,
5:11 i dreamed that i was on a crashing airplane last night. the pilot was matt johnson and the plane crashed. i lived but one person died and he came out to like he gave like a public apology to the airplane. he was like guys we crashed
5:29 almost everybody lived but unfortunately one person did die. and then what's crazy is i was like weeping. i was like, we lost a precious human life. nobody else on the fucking airplane gave a fuck. everyone else was just like, huh, okay, that's not too bad. and i was the only one that was fucking weeping for this loss of human life. what the fuck does that mean, man? every cruise you've ever been on has had one old person die.
5:55 that's fundamentally that doesn't pass the back of the napkin calculation because these have like 3000 people on them. the odds of an old person dying on any given day are not one in 3000. that's like crazy. now i would be naive if i thought with all the cruises my ass has been on not at least a few old people have died, but it's probably clumped. i've been
6:14 i've probably been on several cruises that have had nobody die and then maybe like a few cruises that have had like four or five people die. but also there's a different fucking story going on here. dying in a plane crash necessarily means unless you were also like i have one day left to live anyway means your life was cut short.
6:34 whether by a small amount or a large amount. the cruise is not the cause of death for most of the people that die on a cruise. if anything, the cruise probably extended their life artificially by like 12 hours because when their body was about to give out, they were like, wait, we got more shrimp in here. fuck it. oh, time to give up the ghost. wait, wait, wait, we got like 12 shrimps still in the stomach. we can go another 12 hours off that. that's an hour per shrimp.
6:58 hey, bamba linked me to something today and said, you gotta try this. and i said, you know what? the website, i like a slick doll. and this looked like one of the slickest dolls i've ever seen. so i've literally not played it. we spin the ice, build the ultimate dynasty, six positions from seven eras, 60 legends available from the 1970s in st. louis. pick one and assign them a position from the 1970s in st. louis. well, yeah, i think we'd probably take bernie fadurco.
7:29 he is in the hall of fame. 1990s from san jose? maybe like an arturs, urbe and net? i mean, ro has an 889 save percentage, but his defense wasn't doing him any favors. keep in mind, this isn't build the best
7:48 like pick the best player that played in this era. this is like we got to build a roster. so like goalies are low value right now. like they you can go these are underpriced defenseman are heavily overpriced. so you could die. i mean sanders ozel inch was a fuck off incident dies a center though. sandis ozel inch was kind of like a he was a stalwart defenseman for the avalanche. larry on off also a cr oh, and nolan was pretty fucking good. and it's true.
8:17 i don't know if i wanna give up an ld, but you know what? it's from the era where, it's kind of from the dead puck era. i gotta think of, okay, give me an owen nolan on this and then spin me again. 2000 chicago, you could definitely take a defenseman on this one. you got keith, i don't know if points are the only things that matter. ryan campbell was kind of like a legend too. has anyone played this before? are points the only things that matter?
8:47 probably every stat matters. well, honestly, i think i mean, this is a great opportunity to take a future hall of fame defenseman. unfortunately, let me oh, do i already put them on put them on ld bro? what do i care? 2010s from chicago? holy shit, bro. um, i mean, you know what, let's, let's go with brent seabrook. let's get the classic chicago 2010s dynasty loaded up on defense. that's the canadian olympic team right there.
9:18 and then we need a left winger from hartford in the 80s or a goalie. who the hell is a damn goalie from... okay, mike lew's not so bad. i think i would still skip a team here. i'd still redraw a friend. 1980s buffalo left wing. dave andrzejuk, that's a huge pull. and then whoever we go next, we got to go with the goalie, man. 1960s la kings goalie. yeah, i'm going to skip the decade on that one.
9:48 2020s kings on goalie. we'll take jonathan quick on that. nothing wrong with that. there's my team, bro. 62 and 20, a serious cup contender, a few tier upgrades away from greatness. i almost feel like to make this a little bit more interesting, a little bit more of a test of skill, they got to cut the names from it completely. you have to go, oh shit, 2020s nashville. and then if all you can think of is like, wash steven stamkos, then you got to go for it.
10:18 what's wrong with my ear, man? my ear is like, my ear is clicking. i will say we got like a one of those ear cleaning devices that has a camera on it and like a little hook. kate cleaned out my ear two days ago and she pulled like a piece of my brain out which felt fucking awesome. but it was like a piece of ear wax that was bigger in width than my ear canal.
10:48 so like, you know that that shit was small batch homemade. like it did not, it was not a foreign object that got deposited in there. like we grew it from base principles. and then also it was not the color of earwax. it was like dark brown, dark brown. you needed that? i don't think so. cause it felt awesome getting it taken out. and if it, sloan told me, if it feels good, do it. even if you shouldn't. do you have super hearing now? no, still pretty bad.
11:18 to be honest, but not so bad to be clinical because i went to an audiologist like a year ago and they said your hearing is actually fine for your age. for your age, lol? again, i don't want to make like you as gen z you should have at least like 18 months before you realize like you're going to die someday, but you're literally going to have worse hearing than millennials because you've grown up with airpods, with earbuds and airpods and like devices everywhere and then like especially getting introduced to devices at
11:48 an early age when you're less likely to respect when it says, hey, you're turning it up past your, past where your ears actually can interpret the music and you're just doing damage to your ears that is irreparable. and you're like, yeah, well fuck that bro. i mean, it's girls not gray by afi. you expect me to listen to that shit at like 80 decibels? crank that up to 120.
12:21 music does sound better the louder it is. one green card lets you duplicate a card in your hand twice. i gotta remember that yeti literally was like seven when slay the spire 1 came out.
12:35 so when they say green card, first off, they're talking about the silent. secondly, they're talking about nightmare bro nightmare. i'm not saying nightmares bad. i mean, it's a rare so it literally must be good but let's just put it this way. what's the cost of the card? it's a three cost card bro. also, it's not called duplicating if you do it twice bozo. it's called triplicating. like there's there's a lot that you need to atone for their yeti. i'm talking about dual wield.
13:06 that doesn't let you duplicate a card, bro. that lets you duplicate an attack. that's not a... oh my god. you're wrong in so many different ways. and that's not a green card. that's a red card. oh, green card is old from the event. okay. you got me on the green card, but... or a power. that's true. or a power. fair enough. you got me with that one. kind of hooked me with that one. is yeti still in purgatory? yes. but
13:33 what's crazy is yeti knows that i'm not evil. because if i were evil, i could just start saying that they were saying some fucked up stuff. i could just be like, damn, yeti, you can't say that shit, especially in june. it's only june 4th, man. you can't be saying that shit. but i'm only sending you the messages that they send me. i'm only sending you the messages that they send me. my wife and i can't agree on a vacation this year. what are your thoughts? montreal or new orleans?
14:04 so i've been to montreal, and i've never been to new orleans. let me start right there. i will say montreal was really nice. and i have friends and family who have been to new orleans. and this is not saying anything about it from the perspective of you know what it's like to live there. but nobody i know that went to new orleans is like and i can't wait to go back.
14:30 but i think it also might depend on your lifestyle with your girlfriend. are you guys going to party? you can definitely party in montreal, but you might get more of a party in new orleans. i would go just for the live jazz. i hope that the jazz culture still exists in new orleans cuz my experience, and this is not in new orleans, but it's like sometimes you hit the jazz club and you're like this is exactly the vibe i was trying to
15:00 cultivate and sometimes you hit it and it's a dude on the stage going, i could use somebody someone like you. i was walking around i was up and down on all my feet. that shit in the where the wild things are trailer is amazing though. you're talking about the oh, you're talking about that one.
15:38 you kids have to worry about hearing damage proceeds to sing loudly. you control your own volume, shallowjam. unless you're watching this in like a millennial two guys in a dream black latex glove burger handheld shop with like a fucking creaky ass metal stool and shit like that, you control your volume. unless you're at like a cash only vietnamese restaurant that has us up on the tv right now.
16:06 why the shop go quiet? oh shit, everyone's looking at each other now. everyone's perceiving each other. cash only vietnamese restaurant? i was sitting at the counter. i called out to the server to order some bun bo hui. right now i'd like to have a noodle soup and add to it upon me. i'll say something man, turkish coffee kind of goated, but they should, they should filter it.
16:33 reused bid well, they didn't take it under advisement last time. so what do you want me to do? this is the second time you've said the turkish coffee thing in as many weeks i think you'll find it is actually three weeks because it was definitely related to mother's day just as long as we're being pedantic. let's make sure that we're actually like dialing in what we're being pedantic about okay, please do not call the
16:56 wait, this is awesome. please do not call the yayayas new york indie slop. the yayayas are legitimately good. also, the yayayas started in like 1998 or something like that. they started way before they would have been johnny and jilly come lately's to that scene, okay? my dad ran the record label they got big on. wait, what the fuck?
17:19 okay, first off you can't be typing shit like that in chat. that's a liability for your whole family because we could easily find out who that is. so don't do that. don't type that shit and then have me read it, okay? that doesn't mean they're a nepo baby at all because the record label it's probably not sub pop. it might be like some dude with a warehouse, right? some dude in the meat packing district. it might, i don't know, it might be suge knight. i don't know.
17:46 blackco, i just have to ask, first off, i have a question for you and you don't have to answer this, but where are you from? because your comment is crazy. turkish coffee is bad, proceeds to drink from a plastic cup with coffee the color of ginger ale. there's so much about your personality that you've embedded in this single message. and in a way, i have to hand it to you because it's insNLy good writing. it characterizes both the character that is being written and also the author.
18:14 so you have made one of the densest sentences of all time. it just also happens to be like annoying as fuck. so i have to ask you where you're from because the only acceptable answer is turkey. if you took offense to me saying turkish coffee is really good, but i would prefer it if it's filtered. he said australia. that's actually such an australian comment to take issue with a nothing burger comment about coffee. listen, you're fucking lucky
18:44 that i was not able to watch muriel's wedding today with the fucking inimitable toni collette because i would have just a ton of australian comments right at the fucking tip of the prefrontal cortex, okay? it would be right there. unfortunately, that shit isn't available in canada on the criterion collection, which makes no fucking sense to me because canada and australia are like the same... i mean, i'm not going to say the same country.
19:13 australia is usa coded, new zealand's canada coded. nicest thing you've ever said to me. all i'm gonna say, i don't want to make too many enemies. priscilla, queen of the desert. good movie. not that good. hugo weaving is in it? yeah, i mean, hugo weaving, parents stamp. they're saying some of the best australian actors of all time are in it. is hugo weaving australian or new zealand? he's from florida? no. no way.
19:47 he's australian. it's tough because he's an... well, i was gonna say he's in the hobbit movie, but then i remembered he's an elf. so maybe it's like the kiwis are canadian, hobbit coded, and australians are american, elf coded. but there's a whole... there's a lot of nuance that goes on in these things, you know? nobody's a monolith. we all contain multitudes.
20:10 anyway, by the way, this is not coffee the cup well, actually it is the color of ginger ale but if i may you should know coming from a country with coffee culture it's a superior coffee culture if i may say so myself that this is the bottom of an iced americano that has had like nine ice cubes melt into it so, of course naturally it's going to get more amber colored over time, but this shit was pitch black when i started drinking it okay
20:33 it shouldn't be that color. i don't know what to tell you. they made espresso and then put ice in it. this is the color it becomes. you, i don't, it's, it's the same everywhere. i mean, the beans change, but the color is the same. bet you've never seen anyone do that before. and then i took a huge fucking drink of it and there's still an equal amount of fucking volume in there. how does that happen? that doesn't make sense. same shit just, it happened again. it fucking happened again. and they expect us to believe that we're not living in a simulation.
21:21 can i say something fellas? drinking an iced americano, my gresta you're not gonna like this one. i want to cover your ears for this one. drinking an iced americano is the closest husbands get to drinking like wives. you ever be like waiting at the restaurant, your food's been done for a while and there's just like
21:41 60 milliliters of liquid left in your wife's glass and you're like well that's like two sips and then every it becomes a math problem where every sip they just take half of the liquid that's remaining in the glass so it goes from like 60 to 30 and then you're like okay one sip and then it goes to 15 and then it goes to like seven milliliters and then it goes to three milliliters and then you're like come on come on
22:07 they want to have the drink and drink it too? it's crazy, man. quarter after eight, i got to get home and get to bed. i love that this is not fair because i get to control the response of the narrative, but i love all the men saying, oh, so what your wife does is what all women do? and then a bunch of women in chat going, i do this and i don't know why. it's literally put me on a higher plane of existence and understanding. it feels so good.
22:36 performative ass pick mes. oh actually, actually everybody drinks at exactly the same speed. everybody drinks at exactly the same speed. how do we get a new sushi bit every year? because there are some differences, some observable differences in north american culture between the way that men and women consume things. men are oftentimes going like... and women are sometimes going...
23:06 can i get a knife so i can cut my burger in half? i'm not making a value judgment about which one's better. if i did, cutting the burger in half is actually better because it's way less messy and also when you bite at the tip of the burger you're not pushing as much shit out through the back half of it. the cut is actually like the right way to do it. men are doing it wrong. you're describing you and your wife and no one else. why are you mad? do you like art? do you like pablo picasso?
23:37 art is a lie that makes us realize the truth, motherfucker. you ever think about that shit within the context of maybe overly generalizing some behavior in order to get you to see if that relates to the world around you?
23:51 it does make you think when watching urbanized i was like wait a minute why doesn't like every city do bike lanes like copenhagen? it's so like we have dedicated bike lanes in vancouver but it goes like road, bike lane, parked cars but like
24:07 road, parked cars, bike lane makes so much more sense because then you're not as a cyclist wedged between either cars that are traveling the same direction as you that you can't really see and then also on the other side doors that there are people are opening up without looking at
24:27 they're mirrored to see if a cyclist is coming. so you're constantly like dodging into traffic or out of traffic like towards parked cars that could door you. why don't they, why didn't they have it next to the parked cars and like between the parked cars and the sidewalk man? one of the things that's interesting about urban planning, i get it, because like you really want to like build the city right the first time. because now you're like okay well we could yeah i guess we could do that. i guess we could change where
24:56 the parked cars go and then move the bike lane over. we're gonna need to shut down every road in the city all at the same time to like raise it down to the loam and then remake it in that image. so i hope you don't mind. you're like, fuck motherfucker. it's so much easier if you could just go, just hit like a little trashcan button on a hud.
25:26 then get like a little roller. i'm going down to the roller tool. like bike lane, light rail transportation, retail on the bottom and then condos on top. and not just luxury condos, we're talking about like 900 square foot condos with two bedrooms that are good for a young family. do you ever think of joining city council?
25:49 it kind of seems like an awesome job because like the hardest you work is, okay, sean or don't listen to this. lucy maloney, don't listen to this. it seems like for most of them, the hardest you work is like once every four years during the election and then during the actual like when after you're elected and you're a representative, you don't even have to prioritize going to the meetings.
26:10 people will literally just be like, sorry, traffic was too bad tonight. i couldn't make the meeting. like what are we doing here? these are municipal elected officials. you got elected bro, you gotta be at the, you can't go to the meeting, it's your job. i have no idea why the run is so good, but it's doing some good stuff. unlike those bozos at fucking, can be an eighth, am i right? sorry, normally it's easy, you just go, unlike those bozos in dc,
26:40 then i had to think about the exact geographic position of city hall. true, man, true. i'm realizing it's not eight. it's fucking, i think it's 11th. yeah, you're right, that's whole foods. for no reason, i always take an issue with the people at whole foods and the bc liquor store. hey, man, fuck that place, but for different reasons, okay? but the people at the wendy's across the street, those are good people. and the home depot, i don't know.
27:15 i don't know that much about the home depot on on can be an eighth. i know they said governments a circus but we have a damn carny in office. oh shit. wait, that's kind of be honest. did you come up with that? because that's kind of awesome. can i run a bit by you? sure. was the bit was the bit happy partner anniversary because you left a message that said happy partner anniversary. i would say that biz is kind of unremarkable.
27:44 if they do drop like a kill tony style like anti immigrant joke, i'm gonna freak the fuck out. i'm gonna freak out or i'm not gonna read it. guy who goes to church in hopes of getting conversion therapy because he wants to become gay. well, you know what? i think that's an alright bit. i had a lot of courage saying that before waiting to see what the consensus in chat would be. i think it's like, there's something to it. can i run a bit by you? no, the last guy ruined it for everyone i'm afraid.
28:13 there is a difference between a bit and a joke. a bit is something that you can, you could spin it out into like an improv sketch that's four minutes long and the jokes are exhausted at 90 seconds. a joke is just like, what if this guy existed? so like that, what you have said is a joke. it's not a bit. well, i guess you could spin it out into a bit.
28:39 you could, because you could, the first like minute could be about they would set the stage, he would be at the church, they would be talking about how like conversion therapy blah blah blah blah blah and you would be like oh where's boo boo where's this going and then it would be like a guy wearing a fred perry polo shirt tucked in
28:58 like fresh off the golf course and is like, he's always talking about like my whole life i just haven't felt like i fit in. i felt like i've been so different than the people around me and then they convert him to be gay. but then the way that this sketch has to end up is that actually he's not happy after he got converted because he's not being his true self because conversion therapy doesn't work.
29:23 so it's actually the anti woke woke bit. it's going around in a cycle, man, and it's pulling the rug out from under you just as soon as you feel like you've gotten some great footing. it's the shifting sands. welcome to steely dan jeopardy. we'll start with steely for $200. local boys will pay a quarter for this.
29:45 local boys will spend the quarter just to ride the silver bowl. just to ride the silver bowl. shine the silver bowl. hey, can i say something? that's not a fucking $200 question on jeopardy. a $200 question on steely jeopardy would be like,
30:14 he doesn't want to do this type of work anymore. what is dirty? steely for 400. the type of smell a wind might drive in your face. i'm buzzing it instantly. what is prickly pear? ah, steely. if john mulaney is ever on saturday night live, we could get a steely dan jeopardy. i say we as if we have any possible cache over what snl puts on the screen.
30:41 the bodacious cowboy was wearing what in gaucho? see, that's an interesting one because it's like a compound answer because they're wearing obviously your spangled leather poncho but they're also wearing this with the one with the studs specifically that match your eyes and also what are my elevator shoes. so that one is it's a very inelegant jeopardy clue in my opinion.
31:05 the showbiz kids don't give this about anybody else. i can't say that. if i say that, then the jeopardy episode is gonna get like, it's gonna become lost media. it's the f word, man. what is the f word? you can't be asking alex that question. he might give you the answer. ken? i don't think ken has ever said the f word in his life.
31:29 hank, this is an honest question and i'm not trying to just be gross. part of it is trying, well i don't consider this gross, i consider it human, but you guys hate when i say stuff like that, so disregard. pretend i didn't say that. do mormon people dirty talk? there's no reason to believe that it should be against their religion, but i just can't imagine it. you freaking like this, don't you? that's okay, don't i wish you hadn't typed that, because there's no way i'm not going to read that. you freaking like this, don't you? it's so good.
32:01 i don't know if that's like what i would associate with utah necessarily. it's more of like a minnesotan type vibe. i bet they're saying some crazy shit in minnesota though. i think i miss cs. yeah, i know bug bite because every time in cs you're just going, why is he holding this angle? lul and then nobody's replying. and now we're having like a lively ass conversation but for some reason, i don't know, maybe you're uncomfortable with the idea of adults consenting adults dirty talking which is like
32:29 it's fine if you have a problem with it, but acting like it's my problem for bringing it up is fucking insane to me. but like it's not my first day on the internet, so i get it. it's not the first time i've ever experienced this kind of hypocrisy. anyone else been watching dan's always on channel and going through the saga of him trying to figure out how to be good at super smash bros?
32:55 just like going online, losing to me gunners with his favorite character over and over and then swapping to another character, winning once and then losing 40 games in a row.
33:07 you were fucking him up and always on today? i did, i, i, i, i hope i told him back in 2018 or whatever, i hope i told him that there's no hope and i don't mean that you can't get good at it, it's just that you can't get better than someone who literally, i trained in smash in the best way you can train for anything. having an abundance of free time and then getting heavily intoxicated
33:31 for like four straight years and having that be the default activity. every afternoon and evening and then like entire weekends would be like, you guys want to drink like 14 beers today and just play smash 64? maybe walk down to the two for one pizza once, get two slices of pizza and then go again.
33:50 hey, enel, any advice for interviewing for being a teacher? i got an interview tomorrow. i'm kind of scared. okay, my first piece of advice, and this is going to sound really rude, is spend an hour preparing instead of 81 minutes in chat reposting the same message asking for a reply. and you might say, oh, enel, they're literally looking for advice. no, they fucking were. the first 30 times they posted the message, the end of the message was, i heard you were the best at it.
34:16 which is obviously sarcastic, because all i ever talk about related to esl teaching is how fucking bad at it i was. so my first thing that i would recommend is if you're actually getting the interview, which i'm realizing that you're probably not cuz you spent 81 minutes trolling on a thursday morning at 9 am local time, which is insane. would be like spend that time actually preparing for the interview instead of trolling in a streamer's chat.
34:42 my second piece of advice is not advice, it's just well wishes. i actually really hope you get the job. i will say, and this is not me just being performative, although the fact that it's a little performative is gonna help. we need to have teacher appreciation night at nfl games the same way they have military appreciation night where the jets fly overhead and shit like that.
35:04 my daughter's kindergarten teacher is a fucking warrior. i've been called in a couple of times to have some meetings. sometimes it's good things, sometimes it's like, hey, this needs adjusting. and every single time, my impulse going into the meeting is to be like, i'm so sorry that like this happened and my child did this. and then the teacher goes, oh, it's no problem. kids are like this. we love your daughter here. we love having your daughter in the class. so not only
35:32 is she tanking? like she's literally soaking up the damage so that like the kids can learn stuff. but she's also putting on a happy face. and what's crazy is that i feel like she's not like putting on a facade. i feel like literally the same way there are like when we was born to be in the nba, i think people were born to be kindergarten teachers. you can like look at your class photo from when you were in kindergarten and probably pick out the kids that were born to be kindergarten teachers.
36:02 my kindergarten teacher was called miss apples. that's so awesome. i don't actually, it's funny, i don't want to tell you my kindergarten teacher's name just because i think that she deserves a certain amount of privacy if she's still alive, which is honestly like a concern when you're getting as old as i am. but she also has a fucking kindergarten teacher name, 100%.
36:28 you remember her name? trust me, it's a name you don't forget. but it's definitely a kindergarten teacher name for sure. was it tammy? bro, come on, that's my kindergarten teacher you're talking about. i don't know her first name. i'm older now than she was then. so in a sense, she's the younger woman. but i still, i would not deign to have known what her first name was. my kindergarten teacher, no shop, bro.
36:56 this is a very canadian question. would you rather your wife... don't put my wife's name in the message. let's make it abstract. would you rather your wife cheats on you with jean principe or kyle bukauskas? it's anyone who says,
37:08 anything but jean principe is, they're out of their mind as far as i'm concerned. kyle bukaskis is probably older than me, but he looks like jerry o'connell in stand by me. i just can't imagine his boyish fucking visage if i walked in on them together, okay? jean principe almost exists with the age and the curly canine type haircut with the salt and pepper. he has a certain aura to him that almost makes him, like i would still be
37:37 but like i would feel betrayed. i would be upset, don't get me wrong. but it's almost like, i don't know, it's like he's like a deified figure or something like that instead of just a peer. so yeah, it would be worse if it was kyle bukauskas. ron maclean not in the mix. that would really hurt. that would be hard to deal with if ron maclean
38:04 tuckled in me that would be really hard don cherry i mean it would be he's i think that don cherry is a worse human being than ron maclean but it's almost like if it was gone. i would be like well of course he represents the canadian id i shouldn't be mad at don cherry when he's pursuing carnal pleasures. he'd look at look at him that's what he does ron maclean would instead spin it into like a fucking yarn about how they'd be like you know?
38:33 antigonish, nova scotia, 1961. a mother and father had their third child in a hospital. and they would be like starting with the origin story of like how the how the fucking shit went down. like i would be freaking out, man. i would be like, what do you get out of my house? beat off has never worked for me. and i've got like 400 hours. i spin on it first. but if i'm being honest, not to make anybody feel bad, it should still work. it should. it should.
39:06 it should definitely still work. guy who weaponizes incompetence to get beaten off? isn't that like that one person on reddit who broke both their arms? i guess they could have had them broken like against their will or something. i never really thought about it. he weaponized his mom for that one.
39:25 i know that if you just a lot of dudes were breaking their arms after that, breaking their arms on purpose. i also choose this guy's mom. you know what i'm talking about? self arm breaks went way, way through the roof after that. actually turn one is awesome here. that one mom was busy. now, see, i like that you've turned the joke into a bit now because i like that. i like the idea that it's not
39:53 they didn't spread out and distribute the moms. there's still just that one mom that's like, damn, i've been like insNLy busy lately. a reddit mod confirmed that they received proof. they received proof from the broken arms guy that his mom beat him off. that is, yeah, poor mod. i know dude was like, he really felt like some of those run verifiers at twin galaxies during the steve weeby era.
40:27 does anyone know what the fuck i'm talking about? i don't really get the joke. i just, you know, have you ever seen the king of kong? they were working overtime watching like 90 hour long videos of people playing missile command and shit like that, waiting to see like one glitch on the screen that would indicate they modified the base board in the arcade machine. like those boys were heroes.
40:50 i reference it regularly and no one's ever gotten it. well now you do understand the plight of me, because that happens to me all the damn time. and then also, to be fair, i kind of deserve it because i don't even, um...
41:05 go like, this is a reference to the king of kong. i'll just say some shit like this is a brian kaa situation. and then people go, what? and then they go, i go like that's the dude from the king of kong who said there's a donkey kong kill screen coming up. and they go, are we supposed to know that? and i go, well, i don't know. how do you feel? what's your model for human communication? am i supposed to be expressing myself unfiltered from the core of my essence or am i supposed to be
41:33 dumbing it down so that people can understand and relate to it. i kinda think i should be giving you an unvarnished look at the center of the fucking spiritual furnace, but everyone else is like, oh, it's too hot for me. it's too fucking hot for me. you're performing for the one person who gets the reference. yes, exactly. and that one person is often me. that one person is often me. mmm, super massive. wait, wait, we got something coming together here, man.
42:03 something like that could be worse. until dawn 2 type shit? yeah, i mean you didn't ask. i'm in on it for sure. what's the difference between until dawn 2 and like directive 8020? you could spin me a yarn and i might be inclined to fucking believe it about like, oh different budgets and there's two different teams and oh but maybe they're just naming it because they wanted to have a certain sense of gravitas and separate it from the dark anthologies of blah blah blah blah blah.
42:34 i'm a youtuber, i get it man. if you call something, you know, let's play until dawn episode 8, people have low expectations. if you call some shit, i've never seen this before in all caps, open parentheses, until dawn 2, different story. like the package, it can make a difference. do people still hate relax? i feel like every time, and maybe this is part of the insidiousness of relax. every time i've taken relax, i've been like, this card's awesome. too boring?
43:06 but the boring things in this game are sometimes the most exciting, man. does saying something oxymoronic make you feel big? we got the damn psychoanalysts out in slay the spire chat, man. what are you talking? i'm not just trying to deflect, but what are you talking... what specifically pushed you over the edge on this one? i'm actually... i'm leaving a little window open as well because it is possible that you're just speaking hyper literally.
43:33 like you might have learned english through like star trek or something like that, but like i also need to know specifically what was like the impetus that led you to type like that. be literal man. no, but what are you mad about? what are you mad about? i mean i can go in here and i can chart the course of like our relationships downfall myself.
43:53 i mean, i see a lot of comments in here. oh, this is you say halfway died to reading comprehension. i'm losing it. then i won halfway through. i thought you lost the reading comprehension. i was going to crash out. have you considered playing beta branch?
44:08 the reddit post was, i also choose this guy's girlfriend, not his mom. yeah, we all know. you're not asking, you're just piling on dirt. and this is where it happens, minus two, yikes. the saying something oxymoronic make you feel big, saying things that sound cool but mean nothing. be literal, man, please stop. please stop reading my messages. i'm actually, i'm scrolling down deeper now.
44:32 nl scared of music, easy to be the captain, not easy to be a worker. librarian compilation of nl being mean, please play feral first, play feral first. oh my god, can you read? this is rage bait, died the reading comprehension. i mean, that's just... oh, you have 31 messages in chat. they're like all from today. it's so crazy. that's so insane. they're all so angry. what happened? they're all mean. like
44:59 you know that right? like now that you've seen it spilled out on the table, like you've emptied your pockets, we see the sum total of your inner psyche. and you know that it's like i'm sitting here, i'm playing slay the spire. i'm going, i think this is a good card. it's the meme where i'm going, i like this card and you're behind me going, i fucking hate you. i want you to die. like what happened?
45:22 what did i what did i do? what did i do that made you think that you were right to be typing like that? okay, but you could have killed the queen on turn five? nah, buddy. you got some serious problems. that's so crazy. i reached out my hand and you did too slow. they just want you to be great? no, they were doing something. they took offense. it's it and it's what we talked about like last week.
45:49 where it's like people that no one is no one hates me more than someone who is like my biggest fan. but then i said something that made us made them realize we're 99% similar instead of 100% drift compatible. i'm not scared of the people who are like they turned on the stream for five minutes and we're like this guy's annoying. that's a normal motherfucker right there. the worst thing is someone who watches like four years of content and then i say something that rubs them the wrong way and they're like this is my number one op now.
46:20 i wasn't here for this conversation so i'm literally innocent. age and country please. age and country. we're putting your heart on the scale against a feather. we deserve to have some context here. if you're 16 and you're from across the sea, it's a little bit different than if you're my age from where i'm from because i understand the constraints that we've grown up with. 23 arizona. you got enough problems. speaking of which, i think i'm gonna give up on this run and restart because i just i'm not fucking with the aura on this run. i just
46:52 i just think we were on a slow march to definitely getting killed. oh, i love them both, man. i love them both. give me a flash of steel though. it's power crept. ftl? it's not power crept, bro. ftl is a common specific to the defect. flash of steel is an uncommon colorless card, man. the balance of the card is that it's more difficult to get. it's rarer. definitely a manifest authority. ftl is uncommon defect?
47:28 wait, really? i thought ftl was a common card. shows what i know. is it uncommon in... in slay the spire 1 as well? because there's really no excuse for me to not know that. maybe krank with two ks and then a three at the end is right. the 20 year old from arizona. 23 year old from arizona. maybe they're correct on this one. um... put that up there. leave them alone. i just... i don't mean this. it's just... do you know...
48:07 the riches i would offer to be 23 years old on a thursday in june again. and it ain't, let me put it this way, i'm not turning back the clock 14 years to be type a ing in slay the spy or two on twitch chat, okay? do you know what i... and so what, you're holding a treasure inside of your hands right now and you're letting it tarnish.
48:32 i'm 22 and it's kind of bad. yeah, yeah, but it gets worse. like are you not listening to me? it gets worse. and i think it might get worse like basically from that point forward. so you should have, i mean i'm appreciating being 37. the reason i'm appreciating it is because you can't go in the other direction. and in an equidistant amount of time i'll be 51 and i'll probably wish that i was 37. colorless land is real, i've seen it.
49:01 i think it's, uh, not to waterworld slash cable guy with jim carrey, maud you, i think it's colorless land is not a myth. i've seen it. there's no end to the possibilities! you can watch mud wrestling on one channel or play mortal kombat with a friend in vietnam.
49:24 he was right about that shit. they were fucking right about playing mortal kombat with a friend in vietnam. the only thing that ben stiller didn't know when he directed the movie was that probably like the ping would have been bad enough that it wouldn't be your first choice, but ben stiller predicted rollback netcode. was it you guys who told me about how, i don't know, maybe i saw it.
49:46 somewhere else, but told me that someone tweeted about the meet the parents trilogy and said, what the fuck happened with little fockers? and then ben stiller replied in earnest. that was like, all i can say is that on any movie we've ever made, we've genuinely tried our best. so sorry people didn't like that one. and i'm like, man, come on, man. you fucking did not try your best with little fockers.
50:13 let's be so fucking for real now did you like did you treat every day on set as if it was a serious movie? probably that shit went wrong like in the conceptual phase but don't fucking lie to the kids and say we tried our best you probably showed up at like 7 30 a.m. for the casting time every single day but i don't think the view when you were writing that shit were you really like man the world needs a little fokker's i don't think so you were like
50:43 jay roach said he's only got one more fokker's in him. we gotta get this shit out while the iron's still hot. and al, are you into any weird smells? i like the smell of like olives. i don't know if that's weird. but like they have a briny overtone. i like the smell of an olive though.
51:03 by the way, thank you to everybody who said nl. i totally get it about the mr. clean magic erasers. they really do... i really do not like how they feel. and i also found out another one yesterday, another texture i really don't like the feeling of. chalk. like, grabbing sidewalk chalk and then drawing on the sidewalk. oh, it just does... something about it, man. there's something about it. my thing is i hate touching my inner wrist.
51:31 you put so much faith in me to not go what the fuck? that's fucking weird. oh my god. that's so weird imagine wow, you're a real weirdo. that's crazy. that feels totally normal to me thank you chat fuck off and now i literally said how weird would it be if i did that? i didn't say i'm gonna do it. i just said
52:03 wouldn't it be crazy if i did? no, i spilled my matcha all over my macbook while reading feminist epub files. no, wait, wait, wait. i like that. does the macbook still have that stigma? because it feels like that stigma cannot have possibly exist for this long. because that was the stigma on macbooks when i was in university in 2008. the macbook was seen as performative.
52:36 $2,000 tumblr machine? oh yeah well my computer costs like a lot more than that. and i'm playing slay the spire 2. and don't say some streamer shit like yeah but this is for work. i'd probably be doing this one way or the other. computers are expensive? ain't that the damn truth man. i still think you're an awp if you own a steam deck. why? because they're too expensive for me to feel good about buying one. they weren't? well they are now.
53:10 they used to be 500 euros? is that a lot or a little? that shit's like constantly changing, man. didn't you buy a switch too? yeah, i was, i mean, there's no reason for that to be honest. there's no games on the motherfucker. it's been a year.
53:25 she's crazy. i felt like i lost some aura or i don't know, maybe gained some aura with my wife last night when she told me she watched state of play and there's so many good looking sony games that are coming out in like the next year. and then she put it on when we were eating dinner and i just kept hitting like i would wait for like the first 10 seconds of the game's trailer and then just hit the fast forward button like 12 times. i was like, man, these are not for me at all.
53:54 i did watch the entire until dawn 2 trailer, but everything else, i was like, this is not for me, man. everything that i like out of those exhibitions is always like they do a 90 second long montage of indie games coming there that are like, see, we'll throw a little breadcrumbs at the indie developers too. there you go. control, goated,
54:20 direction in the control games, or in the way i mean i only played control. goated direction. but i kind of felt like i was popping off positively and negatively, like liv schreiber style in the day trippers.
54:33 kate was like, why aren't you gonna play the new god of war? and i was like, i find their narcissistic ambition to be taken seriously as a piece of art, not simply as a video game, is perpetually at odds with the economic incentive to make the game 30 hours long. so they have this very artful direction that's done with an artistic eye, but at the same time, they're like, well, it can't be four hours long or everyone's gonna give it a five. so we have to have all these emotional moments
55:01 just completely drowning in repetitive gameplay where you just do the same combos against the same enemies over and over and over again and it blunts any kind of edge that the story could actually have. that's what bothers me about it. she was probably like, i wish this guy would shut up, but i was speaking from the heart.
55:21 just put it in story mode, bro. no, because then they could... it's also at odds with the direction because you're watching a movie and you're like, why am i watching a movie where the camera is here behind the main character's head and slightly off to the right at all times? bro, you are not edward yang. no disrespect to you, but you're no edward yang. now, have i seen dee dee? not yet. it's 184 minutes long, but cash in your movie going ticket to see the new scary movie. i got to know what's going on with it.
55:50 i'm sure it's gonna... i mean my guess is that it's gonna suck ass for sure. surprising nobody at all, obviously. they're still working on 2017 anti wokeness? and we're saying this is a bad thing. um...
56:10 that might just be, i'm like trying to be as charitable as possible to the new scary movie for no reason. that might just be for the trailer. that might just be to get butts in seats, okay? maybe it's actually gonna be a really, really progressive wayans brothers movie. no, no bro, the new scary movie is actually pretty woke. not according to all the reviews. oh shit, the reviews have come out?
56:38 what did the critics think of it? what did the critics think of it? ah, what do they know anyway? scary movies are a movie for the people, man. it's not a movie for the critics. ever see juwanna man? yeah, i've seen juwanna man like 12 times. really, really bad movie. boggles the mind. like defies logic. what's it about? a bad boy in the nba gets suspended for a year or so he goes undercover in the wnba.
57:07 and nobody knows, nobody is like, this is weird. um, falls in love with his teammate and then eventually of course his teammate finds out that he's not a woman named joanna man. and instead of being like, what the fuck is wrong with you? she's like, i mean she's mad for like a little bit but then she's like, okay let's get married. it's a whole, it's a whole thing.
57:35 isn't this the same plot as she's the man? okay, i'm gonna stop you right there. they both kind of pull from that shakespeare sort of twelfth night, you know, the cultural ground spring. but you want a man doesn't do it in a way that is bringing us together. it's doing it in a way that is tearing us apart. what about little man? i literally... so i love all of these horrible movies either because they're
58:02 so horrible they're good or because you just watch them and go like how on earth did this ever make it through like the conception phase. little man i actually had the dnf and i know you're like how could that be because the concept is crazy. what if there was a robber who was indistinguishable from like a little boy like a baby and went undercover with the
58:29 in a family. yeah, yeah. i mean, there's a whole lot of shit to have as a little man that, i mean, it just sort of boggles the mind. i just, i could not, i could not finish the movie in a weird way, almost because they didn't do enough with the concept, if that makes sense.
58:48 like of all the insane things that they could do with having an adult that looks like a baby, they kind of lacked imagination, which is crazy in and of itself. what would you have done? i think i would have had him give up on the job and actually try to relive his life, start life over again as a one year old.
59:13 you had to pick between scary movie and the new nate bargatze movie. which one are you taking? i'm not leaving a light on for the breadwinner, but i do, i'm rooting for it. and i don't know really anything about nate bargatze. i'm rooting for it in the sense that i would love it if like the mid budget comedy could demonstrate economic viability and possibly come back. so i want that. i would rather that that
59:39 did well than scary movie, but that's just not having known anything about either of them i guess i would rather at the end of the day. i would rather that like the best one wins, but that is all random shit this is where you post random shit go and i give you reddit gold. reddit gold and rum yum yum, think i'll go and get me some i've been eating random shit sometimes. can i say something?
1:00:11 i eat a lot of girl dinners, man. i'm realizing that my lunches when i don't have time on the weekend to do meal prep are very girl dinner coated. handful of peanuts, maybe like a banana, some dried mangoes and then like a granola bar. the only difference is i don't put it on a plate. i just like carry it all in my hand down to my desk. how bad do you want update on slay the spire 2, man? i don't know what the question is referring to.
1:00:42 is update a card or is update like the concept of an update to the game? yeah, and also how bad? you're not helping, okay? you're piling on. update to the game? i think honestly, i... the thing about slay this fire, and this is my own annoying take on it, it being perfect forever is better than it getting content for like, just for content's sake.
1:01:06 because i've been playing slay the spire 1 for 10 years and i honestly, at no point was i like, man this game would be so much better if it had like 30 more cards in it. the thing that makes it evergreen is that it's a game like chests or checkers that you can like be at the cottage and just pull out and be like,
1:01:22 i could play this for 8 hours today easily. so, i don't... i feel like other... i mean this is a rude thing to say but also like not to you but to other games. but like if a roguelike is like a 7 out of 10 then it needs a fresh injection of content at all times to give you a reason to come back. slay the spire is operating on a higher vibration.
1:01:42 it needs to be very careful about the new content that they add, because upsetting the perfect equilibrium that they have with respect to the balance of content and difficulty could compromise the game's evergreen potential. so i'll take it whenever they're ready for it. my game crashed. my run got so good my game crashed. they might want to patch that, i guess. it's the first time i've ever had the game crash.
1:02:21 my grandma sent me a youtube short of an ai cat and puppy the other day. the short was also 100% indonesian. i will say, i think that ai video generation has actually been really, really huge for countries that previously have not been able to break into like the north american media market because they're literally getting a groundswell of attention
1:02:47 with 60 plus year olds who are just watching youtube shorts and instagram reels all day. like videos of a bunch of like cats with some, i don't even know where the music would be from, but with the cats riding a train, like a train that just has cats on it, like reading newspapers and shit like that. and then in the background, it's a song i've never heard of. let's put it that way. much respect. i mean, that's, you recognize ball, man.
1:03:16 is this your car? you know what's crazy? i've seen a lot of busking. i've never in my entire life, i've never seen like anyone drop something while juggling. i've never seen anyone juggle swords and like accidentally like cut themselves. i've never seen someone like swallow fire and get really badly burned.
1:03:42 i'm starting to think that like these things are not that hard. because if they were actually hard, you would think that they would be fucking occasionally messing it up. but they literally never mess it up. and i'm not just trying to... oh fuck, of course you gotta play that shit. i'm not just trying to be an asshole about it, but it just like... it feels like occam's razor, man.
1:04:07 occam's razor would tell you that they would fuck it up if it was difficult, but they don't so it must be not that hard. it seems hard, that is true. i mean, that's why i'm watching it, man. what kind of bug would be your favorite if you became a frog? so basically the question, you've laundered the question of what is the tastiest looking bug through like a species transformational aspect, which is smart. because otherwise, if you said what's the tastiest looking bug, i'd be like, i don't really want to eat a bug.
1:04:35 but now i'm forced to think about it like if i was a frog i would be eating bugs so i would have to think about i would be beholden to that. flies just don't seem tasty. now you gotta do what you gotta do but they don't seem like the tastiest bug out there. something to do with the texture of the wings just strikes me as not being the most palatable.
1:04:58 dragonflies? no, i find dragonflies like, i mean, beautiful but also like kind of disgusting. which is true of many bugs, but there's something specific about dragonflies. i'm just like, i don't really like them. yeah, okay, a butterfly to me seems like it would be tasty. i'll meet you on that one. i do feel like a butterfly seems like it could taste really good. i wonder if a beetle feels like biting into an ice cream sandwich. eating a beetle, i should say.
1:05:30 because it's got that like outside crispy texture and then inside i have to assume it's just it's gooey after that. you're acting like i'm gross. the question was like if you were a frog what bug would you want to eat? like fuck me for interfacing with the question in good faith. your answer should have been a ribbit. it's just look it's funny but it's just another way of skirting the question which i find dishonest to be honest with you. you know you can play the powers without scaling sir. i can't it's crank again man.
1:05:59 is crank, crank, you have to go outside. you're 23 and it's june 4th. this time in your life will never happen again. it's too hot outside? i didn't mean go out like die of heatstroke in the sun. like go to the movies or something or go to a, go to a cafe. you just didn't know, you didn't know and you're deflecting. i literally, i played my powers, man. deflect, deflect. no, i'm literally, i'm trying to save your life.
1:06:27 i've played all look at my this is all powers except for this but this is all powers man. what if i'm broke? you're chatting at noon on a thursday like that was i'm not trying to be an asshole. that's the base case, but there's stuff you can do that's free too. i'm just wondering why you're so mad when you have you've got the universe on a string. you've got the one thing money can't buy youth.
1:06:53 i think if we have a chance, well how much damage are you gonna do? this is gonna take off like three, you're gonna be doing eight times six is like 40 something damage. i'm pretty sure we just die. so if anything, we play jackpot and hope to get a zero cost card that somehow, like we'll get nine block off of it and then a zero cost card that saves our life. it's alignment. actually alignment would have saved our life if we had some stars but
1:07:23 shockwave gather light, it wouldn't save you man. it wouldn't save you unfortunately. that's why we did the math and then said it out loud. it was a good try though. i'm crank i'm telling you i'm also i'm pulling up your messages one second here. there is yeti can you vouch for this? there's no economic future and being a known chatter. okay. so i see you trying to parlay the
1:07:50 attention into like a role in chat and it's natural to be a moth that craves the light of that sort of influence but there's no future in it. it's a dead end. it's a dead end path. i promise you i'm not trying is that why you posted i'm going to post my analysis.
1:08:06 there is a future in it. okay. there is a future in it. if you're librarian, i said it's a three in the morning watching a movie recaps. oh no. no more lego stuff. no more. well actually that, you know, i, i was all legoed out. i needed some cinema. what were the recaps though?
1:08:25 one of them i thought was an ai created anime, but i think it's just a real full anime dude. there's a lot of those out there now by the way real anime. yeah, there are but i thought i was getting the whole time so i kept watching to see if i could tell if it's ai but then i just ended up watching the whole thing damn
1:08:49 my whole brain has basically been wiped. the only thing i really remember vividly is justin timberlake's in time, but it was it was like three three hours were just stolen from me i'm not sure as an official anime kind of like him no, no. no, that's the only thing i remember watching you over the course. they should get him in one how did you make a rocket? i'm in motion blurs crazy though. there's motion blur. oh
1:09:13 is there not for you? there's not a motion blur button but for sure when i like go back and forth i think because it's capped at 60 fps
1:09:23 oh, it doesn't go any higher than that. okay, i'll go for 24 fps. make it a film. we're all real gamers here, so we're used to. can i say i hate that everyone's learning chinese now and that it's trendy because it was so fucking nerdy to learn chinese as a kid. and now it's like in vogue and i'm pissed. i'm not even messing with you, but aren't you chinese? yeah, i am chinese. can i echo that sentiment? because i feel the same way.
1:09:52 that you're almost so chinese. don't sweat it, don't sweat it. just mandarin, man, just mandarin. yo, the double rocket. wait, i think we can fit everyone on this now. today's something. so the way i understand it is we get like a, there's a day night cycle and at daytime we like build stuff and at nighttime natural disasters. okay. our island and we have to survive them. it's convenient they only come at night.
1:10:23 do we really need nighttime to destroy us? i think we can single handedly destroy us. did you watch an ai summary of aliens where they say they mostly come at night? is that... they didn't come up in the page. that's newt's most famous line from aliens. they only come at night? yeah. also from south park, i suppose, but... yeah. i don't use that. check this out. hold up.
1:10:52 yeah, how do you feel about this? we're making progress anyone does anyone give a fuck? what are you doing? i don't know where we were do i was what he repeatedly moving and standing next to you and facing you to show you something. oh you're in the gate. you just kept running away from me what the fuck why are you always flipping me off man, i did it i
1:11:22 oh, there's a building. let's go. alright guys, let's build before we die. the world is ending build to survive. well, there's like, you got like a house over here already set up, man. does anyone have a blue collar background? a idle wave! hidl wave. hidl wave. who's the civil engineer? i'm an english major. i'm an english major. i'm useless in these situations. hidl wave, should we go, should we build up? wait, we got two english majors? yeah, yeah, yeah. maybe we should go higher. we got no uncomfortable amount of chinese between the two of us. you guys build up, i'm gonna build a ramp.
1:11:51 or sorry, a raft. i have a great idea. we should do more trips that get high and ride the tide. unironically you might know a little bit more than me. my chinese is pretty bad. wo shi zhongguan. okay never mind. nevermind. you are... that is also not true. ni bu shi zhongguan. ni shou mai guo. hai mai guo la. maybe.
1:12:14 i'm making a raft man. i've been knocked out. okay. okay. i got to wait guys 40,000 kilogram weight on my, on my raft though. why? well actually because of buoyancy, it wouldn't sink you. i think it's made of iron. there's only 30 seconds. we definitely grab onto the weight, right?
1:12:44 the weight is going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. see you nerds later. thank yourself down. are you out and see yet? you're just sitting in the boat here. well, i'm assuming the wave is gonna come to us. i'm gonna die right over the way. i'm all dead. here we go. it's not right away.
1:13:15 it kinda just looks like one of those foam rollers out of car wash. who survived? ludwig and i, because we went up on the mountain. yeah, yeah, the mountain. yeah, the arrows. it was literally the yellow tape of video games. what is that? oh, a lighter. dude, you know i found it. yeah, of course you did. of course you did. meteors. i don't know how to beat a meteor. build a roof, build a roof for sure. build a roof? yeah.
1:13:46 a durable one like multi layer you think you think the tnt is going to be important for us dynamite dude well i found a lighter and tnt yeah yeah you you put that palette down and i'll add to it oh fuck oh i guess you gotta weld it to the are you building a roof there why not build a roof on the the place where there's like a building here yeah actually kind of shit that's kind of a thing here and we
1:14:08 and we can get like swiss cheese coverage. it doesn't have to be fully covered, but the odds that's oh no! who did that? what the heck? save the boards! save the boards! i can't go in, i'll die! save the boards, i died! listen, i thought the lighter would be very structurally sound to the foundation of the wooded building. this shit looked like the damn bone temple.
1:14:41 you know what? ludwig, why don't you sit here? where? yeah, i was right behind you. on the green guy? on the bench? oh, hold to get more time. that's not really how i usually sit, but i'll do it. that's not what i heard. that's not what i heard. you heard wrong. you heard wrong. why is it not flying? is this not rocket launcher?
1:15:03 weeee! inflate. this is a balloon box. bro, this is the dirtiest oh, what? i thought that was a bucket launcher. they super glued my ass to the bench, man. i'm rewinding this not into the fire, please! you force the zombies into this hallway. they can't escape because they've got boards on either side. and then they walk down, hit them with one of those. but won't there be a lot of zombies? oh, you guys deal with yours? i'll deal with mine.
1:15:34 i got mine. in the zombie apocalypse. i got mine. not my lane, not my problem. your song is still in the league head. no, i've stopped playing league because i was playing a game where on like a saturday night it was so sad and a bunch of teenagers were talking about like a bong and you can tell that they were so excited to say the word bong for the first time and i was like i'm an adult this is a saturday night i cannot keep playing league.
1:16:00 then you hit the bong. yeah, then you were like, i gotta smoke. oh shit. i gotta start smoking weed. oh my god. they're so fast. i'm dead. i was already getting. they are incredibly fast. oh god. oh my god. they climb. they climb. they climb. they climb. they climb. they climb. they climb.
1:16:21 okay, i'm thinking now we have to kill the zombies. i think you kite them through the fire it does i just killed one through that. yes. i hit it with a stick and it died okay i've been sent into the water. i'm drowning. i'm dead work. oh my god, when you're dead, it's crazy we did it. oh, yeah, we played that perfectly dude
1:16:47 tidal wave. tidal wave. tidal wave babies, you know? we gotta just get high. you don't know how high it is, yeah. just get high bro. yeah we know you, son. thank you, kate. thank you. damn, you're going crazy.
1:17:00 genuinely like the one time i did it i was i got like i could not stop thinking about pokemon emerald and i couldn't even go to bed it was what about pokemon emerald strain was that
1:17:18 it was through a pen, i don't know what kind of... that might have just been benadryl or some shit. emerald kush, man. i was on that fucking zigzagoon shit right there. wait, why are you guys building over there? is that higher? i think so. it might be. yo, kate, great tree placement. i know. we're gonna try to get a little higher. i think we're perfect here. yeah, we don't need to get any higher, man. this is great. if it comes up this high...
1:17:47 it's crazy how one right click could erode all that goodwill. i think we're higher than that. we're obviously so much higher. we are definitely higher. dude, we are higher than you guys. i'm looking down at you. it's making me chuckle a bit that you think you're close. you're so much lower than we are. have you heard of dunning and krueger?
1:18:15 their shit is not standing hands they got this uh two people yeah heavy ass log at the end man uh oh uh oh that's a big fucking wave that's taller than us i think hold up hold up i got it i guess well really get up here fast oh shit it's been an honor it's been an honor you guys can do it first i'm gonna fucking die here like that yeah and then
1:18:43 are we looking on time looking like we got seven seconds come on, buddy i got this
1:19:08 did anyone live no, i don't think so. okay, that waves gotta be okay. what what an escalation? it's like joke meteor waves small little tidal wave and then wave of rocket ship that flew over the wave would have been awesome there guys. i have a barbecue pit maybe we could set fire in here. i'm hesitant to burn. i
1:19:33 all of our oh god jesus i think we got it you killed that shit this is my concern family here in a bucket right now yeah this is my plan oh is it hot if i do this is it burning more perfectly put me in the fire put me in the fire i'll be fine oh no okay you're not fine not fine it's not mine wait wait wait wait can you stand this bad boy up but yeah okay that's fine we literally could ensure that you live
1:20:02 you could be like, you could be our humanity's last hope. if we all die in the zombie apocalypse, you will float back down to earth on your parachute and resurrect us all. i literally think this is gonna work. you have to put it horizontal, like flat, because the balloon comes out from the platform. oh, you're right. project 2026? you saw what? no, it's project hail mary. interesting.
1:20:27 you okay in there? it's in my head dude. it's in my head. in my head. don't get out. not yet, not yet, not yet. i'm so fucking high right now dude. hey who blew me up? who blew up my balloon? it ain't, wait i think you said it was too heavy. what if we throw him? what if we throw him? i'm built like a frail pile of sticks dude. oh wow. that was our last kinky engine. wait where's our fire? where's our fire? they would die. meteors. meteors is a joke. meteors is a joke.
1:20:57 i already kind of have one. i already kind of have one. this is pretty good. okay, there's a lot of holes. me when i'm stocking a ya library. oh, i see. the book. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah.
1:21:18 do people think i was being fucking vile? risky joke, risky joke on that one. i will say i am like the same level of illiterate as hafu which is like i can speak but i can't read or write so you might know more chinese than me at this point. yeah i definitely don't and i've also lost all of my powers. oh you can't ult anymore? i can call myself a pussy but that's about it.
1:21:42 no burger? you were goated at that, you were goated at that. i got really good at that? did you ever figure out hotel? uhhh... jold, yeah. oh, i think you're right. you're right, yeah. it seems to be going down now. so you just build it with a slant? oh, it's going low, it's going low! it's literally a springboard though. me on ssris? mmm, i've heard that, i've heard that. oh, there's no way this will work. no, no, we can make it.
1:22:16 why'd you build that works that works that works that works that works that works you can jump on the fence and then jump to this it's real. oh smackin guys all you doing was the reinforcing struts. oh
1:22:43 oh god! okay, maybe one at a time. maybe one at a time. it broke. yeah, that's tough. i can throw you over some fans. put that mushroom in there. excuse me. oh shit. oh shit. oh shit. you can make it. you can use the mushroom and make it. oh shit. that thing's gonna become like a thinking machine. oh no. i think they're gonna be like, damn. oh. it's fucking... it's fucking...
1:23:16 i'm fucking dead man. i'm fucking dead. oh no. you're dead? oh i fucking died. wait we can all just die and then get rezzed in the second half. true. true true true true. i guess i'm gonna kill myself. do it post haste. okay i have to do it. okay you sound like someone else when you say it like that. that's a little scary.
1:23:39 did y'all learn how to weld in school? or was that the only one that had like a shop class that you had to weld? i had a shop class, we didn't have welding. yeah, you can't like give metal creators that. that's just... welding would be crazy. you're asking for trouble, i think. used to love being in the shop with my boys. yeah, the ice cream shop.
1:24:03 got by the ice cream shop in the big 26 most of shop class was just crushing pencils in the vice though. i'll admit that i don't really learning being done. yeah. yeah
1:24:18 dude, i built like a clock and holy shit. you built a functioning clock in high school shop class? yes, but it's not like it's not that big of a deal. it's just the quartz clock mechanism you put in to put the back in. oh, it's not like you had like 1500 tiny gears in the middle of a house. that's crazy. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. i got a mushroom for the tip. what the fuck? what happened to my dude?
1:24:48 did you just fucking murder you're laughing smoking crater on the ground
1:25:07 you're the only one laughing. you would be like, this is the problem is that the average person, their emotions are heightened, they don't think logically. of course i gotta laugh, my friend just exploded in front of me. okay, okay, this is good. this is a good strat. we have a mushroom strat. waiting for the clip. you'll be waiting a long time, man! what's your name? oh, there's a skateboard! yes, i have a clock right here.
1:25:33 oh, do i look cool? do i look cool as fuck? yeah, yeah, yeah. just, your tricks, your tricks. uh, okay, okay. your turn. yo, you look cool as fuck. watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! ah!
1:25:52 whoa, whoa, thank you. yeah a little bit of tech. i think i'm gonna bring some other stuff over though i think i think i can manage we do we have any balloon machines. oh, yes. yeah, we got we got several. oh
1:26:06 land safely afterwards though. i got a resurrection. i think i can get a red. there's a spring up here. i'll dance. i'm not dead yet. all right, i'll die. maybe build a log. when you're holding it right, it looks like you're holding a huge blunt. no, wait, wait, wait. how about now? corey, corey, take a look. is this accurate?
1:26:37 yep, yep, yep. dude that's a fat blunt. holy man. isn't pelipper such a cool pokemon? don't you want to think about pelipper a little bit? pelipper rules. pelipper is awesome.
1:26:50 i don't think it's a build up situation. i think we have to blow ourselves. we need to save one soldier. excuse me? you ever get a log remove so you can blow yourself off? i'm gonna blow ourself off. it's the only way. if it isn't a build up, we must blow each other.
1:27:07 why do i feel like if i keep handing you logs you're gonna eventually like pull up the ladder behind you and say you got yours and yeah, but if you really think about it, it doesn't really matter if you live that's true
1:27:25 that's what we've been saying all along. i'm looking at you guys' tower, there's no way. what do you mean we're so high up? we need reinforcements. we need reinforcements. i'm going on my own journey. here's my strat. the old island has a place to rez. if you die early, i'll rez you and you can go on the other side of the wave. holy shit, he's a genius. unless it's...
1:27:51 unless it starts on that side. he's thinking which case res me. do we want a tree at the time? are you guys tall enough? we might be applying a fun. there he goes. goodbye holy crap, oh my god, how did you do that? okay, i am not high enough. okay. okay. i will rez somebody needs to die early. oh
1:28:17 we are not high enough. but you're gonna go over here. i'm pretty sure the wave's gonna go over you. it's like going right to your way. on top of ryan. ryan, when it gets here, i'm gonna start smacking. yeah, yeah, yeah. and i see you falling and i think you're about to you want another tree up here? no, man! no, no, no! okay, okay, okay, i'm not gonna put it down! okay, ready? come on, come on, come on, come on.
1:28:39 clutch up, clutch up y'all. oh, i made it over the top. we were so close. oh baby. i'm alive. it worked. we're going to die again. we get to die twice. wait, what the fuck? wait, the balloon shot works though. we get to die twice. just get behind the wall.
1:29:05 that has not worked! james bond, feeling ass, plotline right now. i got the radio. that's my spot. you think they're talking about the tidal wave on the radio? probably saying it's not real. i'm an anti waver. oh. the water goes around the rocks. we have a hero. oh my god. he lived too! how did you live with the balloon fall?
1:29:40 you can reignite them while you're falling like a literally cleared the wave but like inches we got a lot of showies in this lobby. that's true. stay in the camera thing. i'm gonna test something i've been working on my throw. i need to like 100 kilometers an hour. how's your split? i don't have a splitter just i've been throwing fruit at the wall to practice welcome back gallagher
1:30:07 oh hell yeah dude. the moments passed already but can i just waste everyone's time with a five out of ten joke? mm hmm. okay. i remember my last slap fest all those lawsuits. hey, yeah okay. you have an intonation when you start a joke like you wanted to flop. it'd be something like this. hello? hello. i don't know, i clicked up, picked up the microphone. i thought in discord my voice would change.
1:30:35 thanks for the mushroom cleaner burn
1:30:56 yeah damn bro, that's a new that's a new time we love our clean coal, it's the cleanest most beautiful coal they're selling tickets to sit under the fucking spaceship so they can launch them to space if the blizzard gets too much we could always just let it go ohh... frozen don't say frozen after fun
1:31:21 all right, i think like a dang gheesling laugh there for a second. no, no, we wait. we wait. we wait. we don't want to blow too early. you would open your mouth. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light it. light
1:31:54 oh they are putting out the fire. i can't smack them. oh they must like they die on the fire and it takes it down so you have to keep building it up. oh fuck our fire's gone? oh our fire is not very good. put more wood in it maybe we'll do something this time for some reason. hey we did it we did it! willhelm screams sounded ass. oh my god oh my god ryan. yep. do you want to be the sole survival?
1:32:28 i got my own wave right now. also, what do you mean soul? what's happening to the rest of us? yeah, what the hell? if i could jump in for a moment, i feel pretty safe over on this island. ry, you don't want to be... you don't want to... oh, wait. i'm feeling okay. oh shit, i cannot go in there? i've decided i would like to be the sole survivor. wait, wait, i cannot go in there. i need... i need... i need some kind of chair. quick, quick, quick! am i taking somebody's contraption here? because this seems awesome.
1:33:02 the toilet with three balloon boxes seems incredible. i invented it. i mean this shit is awesome. you can survive the wave. i invented it, it's awesome. it's like balloons. this ain't working. this ain't working. it didn't work well. guys my island is clear. which was your island? island one.
1:33:37 oh shit. it's working so well, except the zombies are boosting themselves up to me. oh fuck i'm dead, i'm dead. can i get a res? pull that girl, pull that girl, slap him. well if you're ressing kate, can you can you res me immediately after because i'm gonna res him. okay, okay. ryan, i'm just spam ressing. i'm okay, i'm okay. noooooo. alright let's go back. alright.
1:34:04 it's not easy to get back. oh motherfucker. you have to uh, we did it bounce really high zombies are done. yeah okay, the toilet box is actually awesome though. this is what i tried to do. i tried to survive the zombies with this you gotta put the balloon on top of the bucket watch watch. okay, i'll raise you it just it just dangled me like a piece of meat
1:34:27 i see thrusters. wait, that's a tiny wave. oh, it's getting bigger. oh, it's getting bigger. oh, it's a grower, not a show er. mm hmm. i mean, it's showing right now, man. wait, come to this side. come to this side. i don't know if i can make that jump. i don't believe in myself, dude. come to this side. trust. are you sure? okay. okay, so what we can do is i jump on your head. the spring is huge. oh my god!
1:35:00 i'm just going you gotta oh no you're too heavy you're doing it down you're wearing it down you gotta let go you gotta let go oh my god i'll pull you up for all of us i've lived i made it what is going on over here what is going on over here the res maybe we can outrun it
1:35:29 holy shit. i feel like a... did the spring take you over? the spring took me just over. you guys are flying. this is just copio at this point. someone die early. okay, i'm gonna die. i'm gonna die. i'll time the rez. uh oh, you're going horizontal! you're going horizontal, my man! quick, grab me! get me upright! drag me off to the cliffs! yeah, i'm waiting to rez. it's too strong! it's too strong!
1:36:06 fly! let go! fly! i did it too early. i did it too early. do it! do it! do the five! do the revive! do the revive! i did it too early. i choked. i choked. it is what it is.
1:36:26 to be fair, we didn't build anything at all. there's no time. dude, the tidal wave is just like it's infinitely harder than every other challenge. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. that's true. later y'all. later, thanks so much. thank you for playing. you're having me. see you tomorrow. i'll send you over to my live stream. she's on the twitch front page. can you believe it? go show her some love by maybe there's like a special button you can hit that's like
1:36:55 i saw you on the front page, congratulations! maybe start a treasure train or a golden kappa train or a hype train or a golden... ...pressure train or something like that. anyway, later! you got your balls, you got your dick, pied up in knots like a pretzel stick,
1:37:17 who's got their cock in you, my friend? into my mouth it comes again sweet like candy, glaze my hole sweet you are, i'll lick your soul what are you that's gay dave matthews or as i call him, dave matthews, my friend whose sexual preference is immaterial to me crash into us
1:37:52 am i coming to? don't bite the mailman is that not paulie dave matthews? i don't know brother, it's a complicated world these days if you living in the world today you be hearing the shit that dave matthews say people that front we don't have none
1:38:14 so we blast them, alright? well, okay. that's what i'm talking about. lgbtq dmx. i was gonna bark like dmx, but i was gonna take like a stereotypically effeminate dog bark instead of like the aggressive dog bark that he normally does. i was gonna go like, yip yip! i don't think the world's ready for that yet.