nervegear at home - Bits and Banter [05⧸06⧸2026]

Name: nervegear at home - Bits and Banter [05⧸06⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-05-09
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "nervegear at home - Bits and Banter [05⧸06⧸2026]" — 133 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-05-09

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0:00 wait, that's interesting. that was the first good comment in not really pre chat. let's call it parachat before the period in between the start of stream and when stream actually starts.
0:11 80 of something is more than 100 of something. that's interesting. i'll tell you one thing. i'm fucking with the spirit of what you're saying. because 11 donuts is definitely more than 12. 11 donuts is 11 servings. 12 donuts is one dozen. 11 donuts is more than 12. but is 80 more than 100? i think it depends on what it is.
0:34 like 23 beers is more than a case, absolutely. a case is just one thing, it's just a case. 23 beers is... is 23 beers, man.
0:44 you're older at 31 than you are at 37? i honestly, i have to think about that one because that that's kind of how i felt when i was like 35 but i do feel like as i get older it is kind of changing. even up to like last year i was kind of like aging between like 25 and 40 is pretty much exclusively dependent on like your lifestyle. honestly i'm a little bit more tired at 37 than i am at 35 but we could
1:12 we could just fucking bounce out. maybe at 38 i won't be as tired randomly as i am at 37. we could just fucking hit a local minimum and then pop out the other side. i don't know. this convo is giving 28 year old stoner desperately looking to find a new epiphany. alright, let's talk about what the average person on this website talks about. what's the top clip on livestream fails?
1:34 what's your opinion on an influencer that you just found out existed like a day and a half ago? you see the shit that this stranger just said, man? you know what i realized? my daughter's learning math at school. and she's doing well. she hasn't learned subtraction yet.
1:49 she's in kindergarten, to be fair, but she hasn't learned subtraction yet. trying to explain subtraction to someone who only knows addition seems like it should be insNLy easy because you're like you kind of just do the opposite of what you're doing already. but it's actually very complicated. like i gave her 11 plus two yesterday. and then she like, you know, drew a bunch of hearts on the page and went, okay, that's 13 hearts. i said good, then i did what if you did 11 minus two?
2:15 she came back with the same damn answer. she came back with 13. i said, no, no, no, you gotta instead of drawing 11 hearts and then drawing another two, you gotta draw 11 hearts and then cross two out. but then i started to get too deep into my own analysis. is all math just really based on
2:36 one as crazy as that sounds like all math is based on the foundation of either decrementing something by one multiplying something by one dividing something by one or adding something adding one to something. you'll never be terrence howard yeah, cuz this math is like real man the universe is not ones and zeros your computer's ones and zeros the universe is not ones and zeros the universe is all
3:01 subatomic particles and like magnetic spin, science is still trying to figure it out. it's not ones and zeros. unless you're one of those people who's like, oh shit, i got deja vu, i must be living in a simulation. buddy, i'm literally the main character, you're nothing. like no disrespect to you, but i was here for like 15 years before you were even born. the audacity of you to think that you're the main character of the simulation is fucking insane. that doesn't make any sense at all.
3:29 you think that they spawned you into the simulation like oh 2002 was the first year? okay man it's literally the dumbest fucking shit i've ever heard in my life. 1988 was the first year if any year was the first year it was 1988. you're literally a video? i'm literally not. i could reach to the screen right now and choke slam you. i'm just waiting on palmer lucky to invent four dimensional video codecs
3:53 didn't palmer lucky invent an app for the oculus that blows your head up? was that for april fools? it was like a video game where if you lost your head exploded? that's sword art online. i honestly wouldn't even know to be honest with you. did you know terrence howard has a micro penis? it's literally none of my business. i'm like not to lawyer post. i'm not supposed to know that information so i am purging it from my brain.
4:22 there's no reason for me to have access to that information. i'm not allowed to have that information. so now i have purged it from my brain and i am willfully choosing not to remember it. i might have beef with terrence howard, but i got that. that's not, it's not related to that. favorite duplace brothers joint. i mean, i'm a huge paddleton head. i'm really glad to see that paddleton is getting its due day on the catwalk on letterboxd.
4:48 and i'm also, i mean it's a little bit black mirror coated derogatory but i really do like the one i love. the mark duplass elizabeth moss joint that's kind of like a twilight zone episode stretched out to like 82 minutes or whatever. i was gonna watch mishima life in four parts today but i kind of locked in on the bike and beat it. this is true. i had like maybe what, maybe a top 25 moment a man can ever have in his life.
5:14 pumping out, i don't know, 235 watts average or something like that, beating a20 as the silent simultaneously while screaming, knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out, is that casual now? two weeks and your mom invites me to your awesome long beach, is that casual now?
5:38 i was fucking i was popping off bro, that's a hell of a wednesday morning. it was ascension 20, it was a shiv build, and the second boss was the fucking timekeeper. we just fucking played the shivs anyway and beat his ass. he does sound a little bit like alan though. also heartbreaking, when i played caves of altamira and then on shuffle, the live version of caves of altamira came on and i was like, wait,
6:06 wait, steely dan is bad? they're studio merchants? it broke my heart, man. have you heard the live version of the caves of altamira? i mean, they're crushing it in the studio. okay, the live bob dylan too, yes, but to be fair, bob dylan also just kind of sounds like that on his more recent albums.
6:29 bob dylan live actually fucked back in the day. oh, the red pill get $100 trillion. the blue pill, go see the rolling thunder review in 1975, either in montreal or boston. oh, me, i'm taking 100 blue pills simultaneously. i love taking blue pills. me, magresta, shaking hands, taking blue pills. what color is vyvanse?
6:58 red and blue? it's a red and a blue pill? holy fuck. really? they fucking... you never thought of that shit, did you morpheus? you never thought of that shit.
7:09 i got one foot in the matrix and one ass cheek in the nebuchadnezzar. jack me off, tank. i'm going in. they heard the call and they wrote it on the wall for you and me to be understood. i can't, it's a fucked up alto sax part. steely dan gotta be the number one band whose songs entirely sound like they were made by the saturday night live house band. and i mean that 100%.
7:33 i mean it 100% i mean that it fucking rules. but a lot of the songs do sound like in the middle of it someone could be saying bobby moynihan, colin jost, musical guest chad kroger rachel i forgot about rachel dratch man. rachel dratch! what do you think your saturday night live vignette would be when they when they introduce you? first off no matter what
8:03 i would be in the featured players section because i don't think lorne would fuck with me. i think i would be finishing an anecdote, like it would be 0.25 seconds of me finishing talking and then everyone laughing and then me turning to the side and doing an up nod. i think mine, if i may, i think mine would be a little bit like this. featuring ryan letourneau! something like that. i think it would be something like that.
8:35 that is very ike barinholtz coded. i honestly, i don't know. i kind of in my head i see myself as a fred armisen, but i don't think i'm quirked up enough. nor is musically talented. okay, let's not glaze him too much. he's a drummer. he's no ira glass, okay? oh shit. come bonanza? hang on, give me one second. did you hear that? that's obscene. that's obscene.
9:07 i heard what i heard. i heard what i heard, man. open it again. yeti, you should just be happy to be here. you literally got timed out for 2 million seconds. i know the mods are feeling like moses like throwing out barney. as soon as the stream ended, i did slash slash user yeti underscore productions. i saw meg rest the time to you out for 2 million seconds.
9:38 and then i did slash on timeout yeti underscore productions. and i know megresta was going, you didn't know that yeti was behind you.
9:50 think it's good because you know what it means if now yeti is like i have invulnerability no, you don't because the mods could still time you out for two million they could just time you out every single stream and i will just on time you out you still like it's functionally the same as being banned to be honest if you just end up being timed out at the start of every stream and unbanned at the end of it i'm not saying it's what they should do i'm just saying like don't get a big head about it and think that you've got like a permanent bubble shield or whatever and
10:19 pieces 3 of 3. aloha, i'm bluku. i'm here to teach you how to play. in ganbananzo the goal is to capture every enemy piece. you'll lose if you have no pieces left on your board. to complete the game you have to win the 5th game of the 5th stage. but enough talking. hit that go button, let's dive in. let's try to win that first game. ok, well literally this captures a piece no matter what you do.
10:45 literally, he's trying to give me a chess tutorial and i'm saying that's not that won't be necessary all right first first round under control, you know, what's crazy is that i feel like a lot of you who have only read the
11:01 a light tiktok tutorial style endgame strategy, you're definitely moving a pawn on the back row too there. and then you're ending up in a position where you actually may lose a piece. obviously in that one you move your middle pawn forward one. like you, because you never learned mid game chess theory. you never learned strategy and tactics. you only memorized openings. okay? and that's why
11:23 that's why you get the yasser sirowon books. you start with the green endgame book because you need to know how to draw or win in games where you are equally material after the pieces have been traded. and then you move on to the mid game book, which i think had a black spine. and then you go to the maroon openings book and you just learn a couple. just learn a couple.
11:47 you don't need to know, you need a couple for, you need a few as white, maybe an e4 and a d4 and then something to throw them off. and then you need to have a response to e4, d4 and c4, that's it. okay, sorry, i kind of got lost there for a second. awesome, now that you're rich, let's grab something cool from the shop. let's buy this little beauty. capturing a pawn skips the enemy's turn. this is a gambit. each gambit has a unique effect and there are tons to discover.
12:15 this one skips the enemy's turn with a pawn if you capture with a pawn. pretty cool, right? you can mix gambits for powerful combos but you can only hold 5 at a time. in this shop you can also buy tokens for mini games with amazing rewards. you're broke. yeah, because you forced me to buy the greatest item that's ever existed.
12:37 capturing with a pawn skips the enemy's turns. okay, so in that case i will just do this forever. and then of course promote you to a queen and then capture this and then your life is over. okay, easiest turn of all time. if there's room on your board, you can place a piece from your stock during your turn. doing this skips your turn but it can really catch your opponent off guard. use it whenever you need, catch you later. i'd like you to come back into my stock. if you capture me, it's not the end of the world.
13:12 but i prefer if you didn't. you will make a mistake. you will make a mistake. oh, whoa! undo! undo! you fucked up, bro. oh, you fucked up big this time. we still run this town. the background looks like newborn poop. it's literally called myconium. i thought you guys played isaac. i have chance to skip the enemy's turn if you can capture two plus pieces. okay, well then here's the play, man. go here.
14:10 get your $7, move here, you're forking. enemy's turn has been skipped and we got a phantom piece. pop this beast down right here. you capture that, not unexpected. we go here, you go there. i really can't, i don't want to lose my queen, man. but you know what? move it back to the stock if you get captured. and then i didn't really think about what we were going to do after that. capture this beast right here. not a surprise.
14:56 probably gonna lose the pawn. if you can lose the pawn to win the round, all might be forgiven. go here. ah shit. it's over! it's over! i can't move anywhere without getting captured! i can't move anywhere without getting captured! oh wait, you're right, the protected tile! huge. and i'm only protected for one turn. in that case, bless me, i've returned. never mind.
15:39 see you in the on band request buddy. kevborklik, account created 2013. get it twisted. a lot of people... just being old doesn't give you an excuse to be mean. you should know that. you're 22. also, if they apologize in the on band request, they'll get on band.
15:58 what has happened a lot and then mods back me up on this one if you've seen the on ban requests there's been a lot of on ban requests that are like i didn't know i would get banned for that that is not an apology just to be clear so for anybody who's posting a message that's like rude and then they get banned and they go i didn't know this was against the rules you're you're not gonna make it to heaven. okay, that's like camel meat eye of the needle all you need to do is say
16:25 i'm sorry, my soul weighs insultingly not the same as a feather according to anubis. it won't happen again and then if it happens again you're cooked for life. it's that simple. yeah, just my fault og, that's all you need. hell yeah, unban anyone who says my bad unless it's some crazy shit. you get it, magresta, you get it. if i got a ban in here my life would be cooked. that's literally more reason for me to ban you if you make me feel bad because i know that it hurts you more. you should never type something like that.
16:58 that literally means that i have so much power. if you ever do anything wrong, i will just ban you. and then i know that you're going to come crawling back. cycling jake, i don't want to talk to you ever since i found out you're 6'3, 200 pounds. i don't want to talk to you. i thought we were conversing as peers. i didn't realize i was talking to a professional athlete.
17:25 some a few other people in chat now wish to speak to you. which is... well, proof that life is not fair. but um... what i'm saying is you're suffering no losses. capturing on a tile with the same color as the mask makes it crumble. so if on turn one i capture a piece, i go to hell. because you have a white sided mask right now. move the rook back one, you are now on the dark sided mask. which means we can go
18:00 take. oh shit. they swap every capture to even if there's a skip. okay, i don't really care if you take the pawn is what it is. now i can't. i'm golden. that means we get two bucks and then you go back. so first we capture here. then we capture here. can't take the night yet night has to go last we take here. it's a beautiful take.
18:31 and then you walk it back one, maybe to here. no, leave some space for this bishop to escape. literally fine. and then we send it back. literally f no, literally can't do anything. that's okay. go here. you move the pawn. promotion has been stopped. capture... well, you know what? we don't need to rush it. just do something like that.
19:19 can i say something? i think we played that fucking perfectly. i think we played an incredible game there. we lost like no pieces. we danced on them, bro. we danced on them easily. your king? who gives a fuck about the king, bro? it's all bishops. lost the king at the end? buddy. megresta? literally, okay, i have a job for you. you literally can do whatever you want. you don't have to do this. but everybody that chats, they probably have the same username on chess.com. librarian video for this?
19:51 collate the data, cross reference the backseating from chat with the elo from chess.com and then like the slay the spire subreddit, humiliating the people that are suggesting stuff like, oh permafrost is so bad even if every time you played a power it gave you 21 block i still wouldn't take it put their message on the screen and then their elo on chess.com i don't know why the fuck i decided to do this but i gotta make use of my degree in some way right?
20:21 so i basically downloaded the chat file for this vod, picked the segments here where the puzzle occurred. we're basically seeing the messages for people that i was able to find ratings for. okay, 1300, 1200 king over here who goes fuck that king anyway. bullet not looking so good though but
20:47 question mark question mark question mark 800 rated daily on chess talk
20:54 hatton, none of us are good at chess 400 rating daily 800 rapid. yeah, and by the way, i think the 1500s are like the base rating they have like one game on this site. i think on bullet and like not on us i don't know why it's like sometimes they're null sometimes it's 1500 but i'm pretty sure that just means that's the default like starting rating question mark question mark question mark caught
21:21 949 rapid hard countered says the 428 rapid 278 blitz player. here's the dev who is a 500 rated so you don't have to know how to play chess or properly maybe to make a chess game. bye king says the 500 rapid. alright? question mark question mark. he's gonna crumble 400 daily 1200 blitz
21:50 king down, 1000 daily, 943 rapid, 783 blitz, 985 bullet. you lost the king there, 918 daily, 658 rapid. i mean that's about it. the notable ones as far as i read. so was this time worth the bit? i don't fucking know. but there you go. if you're curious. that's all i want to see, okay?
22:19 real chess heads use lie chess, but they do that because it gives them 300 free elo points. no disrespect. could be a good twitch extension is to have a... just show a chatters elo. i'm a fide titled player. i'm enjoying your gameplay. that's because you're a real chess player. you could be reading that. you could be writing that. yes, there's zero on book right now. the devs said they hate chess based. night in a... all right. yeah.
22:51 not ideal, huh? let's get in there and start wrecking some ass then. because i mean this is going to be a battle and a half. i can't really stop you from taking my bishops here as much as i wish i could. it's kind of the downside i suppose of them all being on these spaces. not sure why they let me have that one but we take those. a phantom queen right here can at least trade queen for queen and then their queen is vulnerable. most important thing, we did not die.
23:35 we sent the bishop back, oh fuck you're still alive. you're both in trouble huh? i know what to do. go here, you take, protect my queen so it goes back to the stock and then just outplay you. just wait for you to move into a position where i capture you. the end. easiest game of my life. now we have to fucking stop the queen, there's no doubt about that.
24:10 wiping pieces is always going to be advantageous though, man. because as long as we're wiping pieces, we're trading a piece for a piece. so this is like comes back to sight, which is okay. and then that skips a turn and you get a piece out of it. now you're definitely going to lose a piece. what do you do? you got to get a piece for your piece. so you go here, get a piece for the piece, get a piece for the piece. now they're not taking a piece and we are taking a piece. that's huge.
24:42 protect your piece. don't take that piece. now we start to think about putting some more pieces back out on the board. piece here, not worth moving there yet. you're not threatening anything? piece here. bated. you're not threatening anything. we threaten. not even that bad. we take, protect the bishop, place a pawn right here. why would you do that? why would you... you literally just lost the game.
25:35 i don't know why they would do that. it seems like a very silly decision, honestly, to simply lose the game. success. strains. yooka laylee, are you here? i think you knew what you were doing. i think you knew what you were doing. you're playing so badly i'm about to buy this game because it's pissing me off so bad? do it, man. go buy, uh... go buy gamba man, sir. i'm sure the devs in chat... i don't know if you can post the link, but...
26:04 i could give you vip for a second. also, i've been reading that comment for literally like 16 years, man. 16 years of reading that comment. how you gonna say he sucked when he just won? man, i don't know. there's a part of me that was like, i want to play every single person, not every single person in chat at chess, but i want to play every single person in chat, in chess that talks shit. thanks a lot for playing my game, man. bluekalelia, i had a great time, honestly.
26:37 the game's awesome. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. super mario 64 reference? put that on youtube shorts. unlock a new gambit in four seconds in gambomancer. you keep calling it gambomancer? come bonanza, okay? sorry, sorry!
27:01 it's really 106,000 people watching counter strike right now. iem hotlanta's on. oh, iem hotlanta's on right now. did you know atlanta has the busiest airport in the world? it seems impossible, but then, i mean, i guess a lot of people flying down to see outkast concerts. not hawks games lately, because they believed that they were eliminated from the playoffs.
27:26 working there must be insane. i listen, i'm annoying in the sense that i have lots of opinions about airports and like there's nothing more seductive to talk about as a middle aged man than like what airports are good and what airports suck. i've never been to the atlanta airport but there's no shot it's worse than orlando. orlando is the the
27:48 first nexus of hell with high maintenance travelers, i.e. everyone is traveling to and from disney with kids, horrible infrastructure, god awful amenities, and then also the staff just, i mean like, i imagine no staff like wanna be there, but like they are openly antagonistic to the passengers. orlando, mco is a fucking disaster. mco is a cool shuttle system.
28:17 okay, they have a cool shuttle system to take you from where you land to baggage claim. that's not public transit. they should have put the baggage claim close to where you land like every other fucking airport!
28:31 like yeah it's cool you get to ride on a train but most of the time you just take like a two minute walk and you pick up your suitcase. this is mayor buddy dyer, welcome to the city beautiful. whether you're coming or going, whether you're visiting our beautiful theme parks or just returning home, let me be the first to say thank you. pissing me off man. more like top fracking. wait the gang's all here?
28:56 just means you want to shoot. what does that come from? is that from like quake or something? ah, you might be right. have you ever stubbed your toe so bad you got gibbed? he turned into a pile of meat. that would actually be honestly on like ebom's world. that would be like a top 10 video if a guy stubbed his toe and then turned into just a bunch of steaks. yeah. dude, scuba steve.
29:23 wait, this is philipa sue. this is philipa sue, bro! look at his knife. this is eliza schuyler! there's no hip hop bigger on this person because they got an oxygen tank on the back. bro, why aren't you freaking out? that's eliza schuyler from hamilton.
29:40 eliza! i don't know who you're talking about so i can't. why? you know he never watched hamilton? corey, you would love it. you have committed sin. how does a bastard orphan democrat from puerto rico go on to win a duel against a guy who is not throwing away my shot? shot. i'm not throwing away my shot. i don't have a dollar in my name, an acre of land, a troop to command, a dollop of fame.
30:09 i hate musicals so much. i used to think that i hated musicals and then i realized that every single one i watch i'm like what the fuck this is awesome. someone's squeaky? he fucking closed squeaky on me bro. he dead? oh, mini?
30:31 faded, kidney shot, head shot. outside. was it, hamilton's like everybody loved it and now everyone hates it. everybody, normies like us still love it. online people who have not seen it think it sucks. now i will acknowledge it is corny. it's obviously corny. but it is awesome. i was like every time i watch a musical, i'm like, damn, this is like the best movie i've ever seen. corey, have you seen chicago?
31:00 uh, no. i don't like most musicals. there's a few. it just doesn't appeal to me. i don't like the music. you don't like music and you listen to perry songs about like cock and balls and boobs?
31:27 actually most of kory's media share is buddy holly by weezer but shifted by like four bars so that the music and the lyrics are not lining up right. i think they're going lower again. i feel like none of our team is watching lower. no, i was! i was at the ramp. teammates on single door. oh shit, that's gonna hit. nice kill. nice. there was one back. yep. yep.
31:58 might be left as well literally you you suffered because your vision was too good if your eyes were worse you wouldn't have been flashed on your peripheral vision like that i'm literally hopping outside he's a wife guy the manuel miranda or me you i don't know anything about linwell i don't know why anyone else is a wife guy i got the best wife that's where you're supposed to go oh i think everyone knows
32:27 got one outside. i feel like there'd be some people that would really disagree. nothing against kate, but probably, you know, they gotta stick up for their own wife. uh, i've dropped an awp in the garage. they go on silo and mini every time it looks like. so far. oh my god. top of mini? yep. one lobby. my bad, there wasn't anyone there. they're on econ? deagle outside? oh, almost killed you. two down? hell yeah. where were they? uh, just sitting squeaky.
33:03 crouched at the squeaky door? how did he hear me? i was crouching! what if they thought the gun was a flash? i'll calm for your teammate. he's on yellow sticker. what? he's on barcode. he's watching barcode. he is looking at the barcode. oh shit, he's awake again. okay, your teammate is looking outside and they see nothing. that guy's kind of crazy.
33:46 what are we doing? he went afk. dude, to expect someone to queue in a video game and not leave their pc every like eight to nine minutes is obviously unacceptable. shot their kneecap. comms, comms, intel comms, long going long. the buy period's expired y'all. save round? i'm in? good round, good round.
34:26 what is he doing? do you need to rush since they have to plant the bomb? i think the opposite. he should slow play because they have to plant. yeah, don't look around bro. there was like an optical illusion when he opened that door. oh, he planted upstairs? he planted up? like it was like it zoomed in on his on his model or something. all right guys, we got this. it's peter griffin jr.
34:53 maybe it's their first time. he's named chris. oh, i see. so true. little family guy joke for you. you should go down ramp, ryan. or go down, sorry, vent. i'm stupid. okay, maybe not. thanks, kory. thanks for that. hey, come on, the timing on that. good advice.
35:24 final fantasy 14 players love to be like, oh it's the hardest game of all time and then you watch someone do a raid and the boss goes like hey hey hey hey and then like a big line appears on the ground and 30 seconds later the line gets engulfed in fire and then they're like see the thing is you can't stand on the line when the fire comes out or you'll die. it's so embarrassing.
35:49 i think this guy is spiritual then yeezly. his gone skin is like orange. i heart skins. is that what it says on him? yeah. oh my god. he's hurt. he's hurt. one ramp. one peb. what a shot. holy shit. that guy's the one that little... yeah yeah yeah. the live. 86 scene 3? that's not too bad, man. broke out the gloves and everything? holy cow.
36:21 honestly, see that's kind of crazy if you play an aggressive style. rush ramp, he said. rush ramp. yes, sir. mac 10, baby. doesn't dan have exactly the same clown face? irl? how we feeling? let's go. oh shit. oh, he's opening behind the box. oh my god. my stupid ass gone, dude. you got an ace, man.
37:11 good kill, okay, holy. oh my god, i can't even see the dude. the knife! oh my god, pull your knife away. oh my god, sell your liquidate your cs inventory. oh my god, you can't be trusted with a knife. when the bullets are flying, why are they taking a knife out, man? 69 damage? the skin guy every time? yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah. he's in a crossfire. he took out his knife and jumped across the bullets. clout, i can't argue with that. i don't know, i think we all all five of us just died to the same awper.
37:43 we did. i hear him bro. there were two ram. oh, what the fuck? what's your guy doing? oh my god. i got trapped. i got trapped. oh that was you! it's me bro! i was watching the i was from the other guy. i got squished. you should've closed the door so he won't be able to come out. you know what i'm saying? i could've done anything else. that's definitely true.
38:17 i didn't mean to flame you. sorry, i just did the tap key. i feel better. i think that would have worked. damn. damn. oh, he had this knife out. oh my god. i'm going to freak out. he got a kill. i can't be mad, but he had his knife out.
38:50 this game's fucked up, mate. you know how i know it's made by a millennial? you get money for losing. isn't that the opposite? it needed to be the other way around? no, no, no, because we're the generation that got participation trophies or whatever. mine was like out in the jungle. korea's a little bit more of a... like a... i don't want to call it a meritocracy necessarily. i'm a little out of my depth, but i'm going up heaven to ruin this sniper's life. b is kind of safe, kate, if we want to come back. oh, he's there. god damn it.
39:24 you can make it. you can make it. what does that mean? go down? you can jump down, but stay close. this dude is flicking his knife like crazy. orange. be bait. be bait. you got 17 hp. be bait. be careful of the vent, kate. the door? yep. oh, shit. i fucked up. fair enough.
40:01 but we're planting, we're getting the planting money. that was a hell of a shot too, i'm gonna give you some credit for that one. it's a hell of a shot. kate's been staying alive. okay, orange shot. orange shot, i'm gonna fucking freak out. he's there again, behind the boxes with an awp. it's called planting your feet. oh! that was a fucking jackass faceplant on that one. that was violent. got mine, yeah yeah, got mine.
40:36 yeah, yeah, okay. i got to the cruise suite on that one. i got the frog. it is kermit the frog. it's kermit the frog. let's be honest. my movement has gotten fucking insane. my movement has gotten fucking crazy. why are there so many? you got the kermit's boys, corey. you might ask yourself. i can't really do it. i think it might be b.
41:06 oh god, there's so many apartments guys. that's all right. they're literally all lit. i hit them in the butt with a grenade and it got i saw it wedge between the cheeks. they're planting b. here come the assists. yes, dude. wait, our green is insane. and i'm not talking about our income. our yellow makes up for it by having no idea what they're doing. but it's kermit. you got squelched bro. can i say i'm taking no responsibility for this? we had four on a.
41:44 oh no. what a shot. okay. recovered? yes, kermit. kermit, you don't even need to peek. the bomb is right there. no, no, no. respect the confidence. it's like a goalie in the nhl sometimes. oh my god. never mind. kate was right. sometimes you want to face shots here. you want to face shots because it keeps you locked in. face shots?
42:11 are we still doing double entendres here? am i gonna be doing double entendres for the rest of my life? yes. that's sad. i'm moving to antarctica. damn, kory's going deep on this one. i hear nothing, a. i'm scared for green right now. is that our molly? yep. they threw a molly somewhere? action at b. oh, i got knifed in the back on a? i'm not saying anything. i'm not saying anything at all. oh my god. i guess we just all moved. what's wrong?
43:02 i got knifed in the back at the site where we had three guys at the start of the game. get ready, y'all. get ready. he's gonna get vote kicked today. he said they're at window. oh no. at least they let you get up there. oh shit. our carry. honestly, this one being over quick would be a huge asset to be honest.
43:52 we're doing pretty good though for it to be like when the person is so good. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. green is fucking insane man. crazy guy. crazy guy. i did 88 damage dude, we killed you. that's fucking criminal. holy shit.
44:11 that was the craziest thing i've ever seen. i'm gonna unmute. i'm gonna be like, bro, how'd you end up in our game? something ain't right. average silver game with two or three guys that can actually play. why is it criminal for the silvers to wanna play with silvers, bro? that was a nice try. nice try. the silver should wanna play with silvers. the gold should be playing with golds. close your eyes, kory. i'm gonna flash. everyone okay?
44:43 almost closed them in real life. this is why i brought a second flash. oh my god. now i got a gun. we can back up a little bit. i got a gun now. the degree was to not be here. yeah. make some noise. let me back up. oh my god. that's devastating. that's devastating. can i get it? something's not right. was i standing on an elevated plane? my shots went like this. we shouldn't be queuing for mirage. it's the worst map in the game. what?
45:24 nice try. did he get you with a jumping awp shot? 34 damage, get this shit off the screen bro. man we wasted kermit. i'm sorry kermit. it's his fault he shouldn't be in this game. him being in this game is how we got the good players on the enemy team. literally that's the first time that someone has been playing this bitch on a supercomputer. every other time i accept the q and then i'm like i've got four seconds to go p and then it's like oh you come back and it's a minute and a half into the first round.
45:55 you can pee in four seconds? easily. how big your hole, man? all mammals take 20 seconds to pee but i'm a different kind of beast. this should just fall out? you can't ask that kind of stuff. it's literally called laminar flow. you're achieving laminar flow? it comes out like a yellow icicle. he's got a boba straw. wait, did we ask if kory sits down when he pees? we've talked about it, yeah. and did you say no? yes.
46:24 80% of the time. i teabag their whole spawn. i teabag the whole spawn. they didn't see me. that's a huge omen. okay, we flash out a. we flash out long. oh, no. that guy. there are two. oh my god. one double door. right? what the fuck happened? i don't know, man. where'd everybody go? there he is. yeah, i know.
47:01 look like a screenshot. the bomb guy didn't follow and then i have to go back to get it. keep the comms up y'all. you got this. you're the only one. yeah there's a guy on goose. reload. 30 seconds we take these. that's the last two, you saw him. oh! he's actually got it. oh my god. it was a good try. it was a really good try. hear me out? i got no money. they're gonna molly long doors. i just drop the smoke and we run through it and then overload the guy.
47:51 now we go. i got overwhelmed. we didn't go, we didn't go. we went one at a time. i'm gonna fucking freak out. i was not on you in time, so i went as fast as i could. yellow's walking through doors with the bomb. yep. said without judgment, by the way, they might know what they're doing. they've died. bomb dropped. double door. double. motherfucker. one person at b. motherfucker, man.
48:29 walk the bomb out of the doors. what the fuck? what the fuck? can i say something? our teammate, our teammate threw that by walking the bomb into their spawn. we have nothing to apologize for. what if we just don't do anything and then the awper walks out of these doors and i kill them? they might be unmedicated in which case we have a huge advantage. where did he die?
49:04 okay, orange is telling me to go guys. you you fucking go! i got the bomb bro, you go! oh, he's telling me to boost him. yeah. alright. do you want me to flash? what do you want me to no. he's telling me to leave. he says i should go. i'm scared of mid. i don't want to go mid. i think we're gonna go i'm gonna follow corey and go b. well then i'm trapped with bomb on top of oh, awper in tunnels? lower tons.
49:43 well, our orange died doing this crazy gambit on the boost. welcome to hell, bro. 28 seconds. there's one left. he killed me to your right, kate, on top of mid. b site's clear, actually. oh, no, he's not. no, inside left b. what the fuck was he doing? brush him. overload mid doors. h to the right. he's in ct. overload! you gotta go at the same time. oh, there's one. i got shot from behind.
50:26 it's my bad. i mean if i'm gonna be calling shit, i gotta play with comms. i'm literally just gonna play it like deathmatch. this is so crazy. so close to just right clicking this guy on the throat. i swear to god. who, kory? no, no, orange. party rocker? let's overload him. overload him, bunjabi! he's got me can't shoot two times! i beg again! what the fuck?
50:59 i'm begging you man! but you die and then you say overload. we have to trade on the dude with the... otherwise he kills both of us. i'm behind you. at least you can say go and 3 2 1 or something. no, no, i'm talking about orange. i didn't even know you were there. i'm talking about orange. were you long with me?
51:24 yeah, i was and then you were way ahead and then you said you died by the offer and then you said overload them and i rushed out and i died. the comm was meant for orange. the comms were meant for orange. fuck. it's my bad. i was 1v1. i was paranoid there was more. alright, we got this. someone else want an igl? wicker? check this out. op at car? yep. he blends in with wicker. and sight apparently. literally blends in with wicker. xbox, xbox?
52:07 wcomz. he's behind doors. he's behind the doors. oh, i fucking missed. oh my god, he literally blend in, dude. he does, he does. i didn't even see him. damn. he does have to feel good about that. he's got to feel really good about that. who, crunchy? no, the dude who got a triple kill on us as the last man alive to win the clutch match point for his team.
52:38 but nuke requires like a 25 killstreak or something like that. i think we might have a game on our hands. what do you mean? we got a guy with weird text name and clitoris. damn, this is audible. i've loved it. he did it! he did the thing! this is clitoris. it's so weird that like no, i don't know, i feel like no female go like, yeah, yeah, dick, yeah.
53:08 but the men they do be like, yeah, dig. i've heard some of the rap nowadays. you know what that means? probably pussy's better. nobody wants to join in on that one. we're shooting. how is he alive? one on a, very hurt. he didn't reload. you got him, you got him. jesus christ. that was huge. whoever threw that, w flash. was that you, ryan? how'd you know that? cuz this is like something you would do.
53:51 you really think i would throw a flash and say whoever threw that w flash? yeah. b's open, he said. okay, going b. i'll distract this guy. nice! okay, okay, that was awesome. did he have his hand up? i love that. guys, i'm popping the fuck off. the fuck? oh shit, that was fucking awesome. i think i might have gotten the swag as kill of all time there. in this round? in that round.
54:36 i underhanded a flashbang at long doors and then shot a dude like right in between his rib cage. hey purple, how many people crossed? he's not talking. oh, are you kidding me? i thought you were talking to me when you were like, you got him just go and i'm like, i'm in the, i'm in passion dale brother. oh no, you guys were all circling a site like there was somebody still there, but there was one ct. what a shot. what? oh, that's fucked up. he's going to the other ones there too.
55:27 dude the nuts on him though, the nuts on him to just stand there. literally even playing or something. what went wrong there is purple took my spot on suicide. everything we were literally eight. oh, we were eight. oh, and he goes, let's mix it up. we were eight. oh, we should, we should kate team kill him right now. i'll do the next one. he's just running up my smoke. i fucked up my smoke shot. oh fuck. you didn't get the guy running up mid.
56:05 i did? purple did. purple did. are you kidding me? no, there was another one! it was long! he came through long doors, bro! no, he didn't! i saw him running up mid. what the fuck? bro, we go long. we got ops. we go long. follow me, purple. i mean, the bomb is dropped that long, so you kinda have to. oh shit, he scared me. i'll flash you out? it's like the fact that you were talking to this guy who cannot hear you is crazy. body language. car? not anymore. sounds like m4.
56:44 oh, is it there? no? he got him. he got him. oh, on site with the awp. not wicker. please don't be wicker. skill difference. last one's b. planting for nothing. oh, you heard him. oh my god, ct. ryan! i literally, i was thinking grenade off the wall, bounces over my head, lands in the tunnel and kills him. how awesome would that have been?
57:27 you're like an animal. like if you cannot see them, they don't exist. you're too scared to realize that they're out there. i'm literally top fragging. we got... corey said two minutes, so we probably got eight minutes until he comes back. do you think he's yelling at his dick saying like, go faster and go faster? i hope not because he's feeding his cats. sorry, i'm back.
57:50 did you know you can actually go to a clinic, at least in korea, to measure how healthy your sperm is and how strong your pee is? wait, crazy idea? me, kory...
58:06 and mouth all go and then reveal the results live on stream who do you think has the strongest piss stream? strongest piss? did they measure the piss stream? yeah yeah yeah cuz the stronger the pee comes out from your dick is more like strong your dick is i don't believe that that's true it's something that your prostate has some involvement but i don't believe that that's a one to one relationship doctor, doc, the penis doctor said it
58:36 but dude actually wait i will never do it. are you saying that because your stream is weak? no my stream is pretty strong but i don't think sometimes my penis is weak to be honest with you either way that i'm not gonna do this but the yard should do this you should all go to a fertility clinic and live reveal your sperm count on the podcast that would be so crazy. yeah and then you should be the featured guest
59:00 actually, i would probably be the least scared to reveal my sperm count because even if it's zero i already shot a live round so i'm like honestly that would be fine. yeah, but then you're bald doesn't bald people mean like they're strong with the sperm? just higher testosterone. yeah, i don't know if your testosterone is related to your sperm quality. they could all be fucked up. they're all jacked and like can't swim well.
59:29 they're all walking, swimming like this. i don't know what you, i can't see what you're doing but it's funny. if you had to imagine what i was doing, what would you imagine? i don't know, wide arms. it would look like you would be swimming. like donkey kong swimming. you kind of nailed it to be honest with you. i will say, i'm scared of this team a little bit because they did flash and smoke like everything correctly. holy fuck. they bended my life in a millisecond but my grenade got off so i won.
1:00:01 oh my god, no! this dude is a demon with the scout, man! did you lose all? no, i lost, i bought nothing. okay. damn. okay, i would like this enemy orange investigated immediately. i'm not saying there's definitive proof of anything crazy going on. what the fuck, man? except for them maybe smurfing, but enemy yolo got banned for hacking, yes!
1:00:40 is that the guy? hang on, there's a fake alert system going on in british columbia right now. sorry y'all. you guys okay? wait, so the other guy was actually cheating? no, no, i just said. i just shouted it out as if he were. i mean they did get disconnected, so... they did, they did. honestly, maybe when the alert system went off their modem went out.
1:01:06 remember that time that the hawaiian system sent out a text that was like a nuclear bomb is gonna hit us? no, what? and then everyone went, what the fuck? and then they were like, oh, it was an error. just a test of our nuclear broadcasting. that is crazy. you look at your phone and you're like, oh, oh, oh, i guess a nuclear bomb's gonna hit us in a minute. ah, just playing.
1:01:36 crazy smoke. holy shit. good leg. good leg. oh no, no, no, no, no, no. don't push him. whoa. this guy is 20 and seven. that's true. i guess he shouldn't be telling him what to do. he's gonna. oh shit. owning right now. literally i shot him. can i see you? can i see a trace of where the bullet went? literally i got him. you say we have b?
1:02:25 oh jeez, i thought my game froze. good round, good round. look at that! hi yas, heisha presented 66 to 3. damn! cuz corey told me to do a heisha and the aiming thingy and i said i have never done that thing. i don't need that thing and then i just did it. tomorrow, i know we are playing the bird watching game tomorrow. flock with your friends, is that what it's called? either way, i'll see you there. for now, i'm gonna send you over to my wife's stream. enjoy yourself and i'll be back tomorrow.
1:02:57 yo man open up. yo! open up man. what do you want man? my girl just caught me. you let her catch you? i don't know how i let this happen. with who? the girl next door, you know. then? i don't know what to do. it wasn't you! alright. honey came in, she caught me random, did creeping with the girl next door.
1:03:20 picture this we were both naked banging on the bathroom floor. how could i forget that i had given her an extra key? all this time she was standing there. she never took her eyes off me.
1:03:45 to be a true player and an auto play. if she say like her mentor says everyday, every mentor will when she say say say, and she claims out what he's telling baby no.
1:03:55 but she caught me on the counter, saw me banging on the sofa, even had her in the shower. she even caught me on camera, saw the marks on my shoulder, heard the words that i told her, heard the screams getting louder. she stayed until it was over, i need to find the low part. and she caught me red handed, creeping with the girl next door.
1:04:21 picture this we were both butt naked banging on the bathroom floor i had tried to keep her from what she was about to see why should she believe me when i told her it wasn't me? she's a very light effect, a big ol' ole flex a bloody ass baby, a little complex she is believe me, better change your effects you know she's incorporating all these things from the past and all the better things
1:04:50 but she got me on the counter saw me banging on the sofa in the shower like batman on drugs
1:05:14 she stayed until it was over honey came in and she got me revving did she bump with the girl next door?
1:05:22 picture this, we were both un naked, banging on the bathroom floor how could i forget that i had given her an extra key? all this time she was standing there, she never took her eyes off me gonna tell her that i'm sorry for the pain that i've caused i've been listening to your reason, it makes no sense at all
1:05:46 we could tell her that i'm sorry for the pain that i've caused. you may think that you're a player, but you're completely lost. it's whashing. honey came in and she got me red handed, creeping with the girl next door. picture this, we were both but ladies.
1:06:05 how could i forget that i had given her an extra key? all this time she was standing there, she never took her eyes off me.