costco hotdog water - Bits and Banter [07⧸14⧸2026]

Name: costco hotdog water - Bits and Banter [07⧸14⧸2026]
Uploaded: 2026-07-17
Channel: Librarian
Description: Full searchable transcript of "costco hotdog water - Bits and Banter [07⧸14⧸2026]" — 146 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Librarian2026-07-17

Watch on YouTube ↗ Latest videos

146 lines transcribed from this video. Click any timestamp to jump to that moment.

0:00 hello hello hello hello hello hello what's up? sorry, i had a tay zonday thing going on where there was like 10 different audio sources going off at the same time. ah, classic. that is one of the most unintentionally funniest clips on twitch, i think. he's just so, so perplexed.
0:25 and we are live here tonight on days on day games january 30th 2015. and we're going to try playing a little bit of multiplayer playing some tf two. what are we doing now? why don't we show some servers
0:41 between that and the fart one. it's just, he's a pro. the fart, i never figured out how to feel about it.
1:13 i'm gonna fart don't tell anybody. oh god, that's terrible. i hope the microphone didn't pick that up because really i thought the whole the character of tae's on day that i divine from the existence of chocolate rain is there is no artifice. there is a man called tae's on day and the streamer called tae's on day. there's no difference between the two entities. i
1:39 when he he farts and he says oh, that's terrible. i don't know how to interpret it except that he actually farted and it smells really bad whereas what i would think if i saw anybody else do that is that they fake farted and now they're putting on airs that it was truly disgusting i think it was real. i don't think yeah, i don't think i don't think it's staged i think he knew it was funny and
2:07 but he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to just fart into the mic.
2:12 i think he's the type of guy who would fart and be like, it's natural. everyone farts. it's natural. yeah. yeah, it's natural. everybody farts. did you see what he did? it was the mr. beast games or whatever. he was at the mr. beast games? he was in a mr. beast thing. he tricked a streamer and then pushed him out of the circle. damn. that rocks. dude, so you remember sam r. disc golf who kept crashing our lobbies?
2:40 i was calling him samir, but he... a partnered streamer came into my chat yesterday and was like, are you familiar? oh, it's a samir reference. this is a reference to samir, you're breaking the car. i've never seen it, but every time i say samir, chat just becomes that. so i've kind of seen it secondhand. a streamer came into my channel and was like, are you familiar with the drama surrounding the leaderboards in this game? and i said, no, but does it involve
3:09 sam r. disc golf and then he said you're not gonna believe this but it does and then away the drama is putting a bit of a fine point on it but apparently he's got loads of videos on his youtube channel of that are called like crashing aces on streamers and it's like compilations of him hitting holes in one well crashing streamer lobbies which is such a funny a really funny bit
3:36 really? samir changed his steam name to matt by the way, just a heads up. oh my god, the greenest screen that's ever existed. oh, that's so funny. first time chatter from a holistic poop doctor. yeah, yeah. yeah, they're trying a new bit. i don't know what i already tried it over everywhere else. all right. i'm the last one available.
4:06 my frisbee went under the wooden fence and now i'm just stuck right behind the wooden fence. nah, we had it so we'd play handball mainly at high school because we had like the handball courts. it was just a big wall and one person would hit the ball with their hand and then the next person had to hit the ball with their hand. oh really? i will say that was also the site of every bad fight i ever saw in high school.
4:31 like it was like there were probably like five fights a day at the handball courts. i saw someone get absolutely wallops with a locker or a locker lock. like a combination lock? like a combination lock? yeah, yeah. the new yorkers in my chat know what i'm talking about. i guess it was a new york thing. people say you tie it to like a rope or the end of a washcloth and turn it into a flail. i could see that doing something. that would kill people. yes, that's that's a
5:01 then they were doing this on the on the schoolyard. yeah, they were another big weapon was you know the grocery dividers? yes, okay. yeah, it's beating the shit out someone one of those the grocery divider like the one you would use on the conveyor belt yeah, yeah. well the the grocery store that we shop at was apparently built on swampland? oh
5:27 i can't wait to hear how this is relevant to the self checkout. every now and then, the whole store just kind of shakes a little bit.
5:39 so when you put stuff on the self checkout, they may have figured it out now, but like, you just put stuff down and be like, error, error. i'm like, what the fuck is going on? and i was like, why is the scale like bugging out? she's like, yeah, like this grocery store is built on like wetlands. so like, it just isn't stable. like that's crazy. that's crazy. i do like to self checkout.
6:08 i don't know if you're allowed to say i'm a self checkout guy on twitch anymore. why? it's just like a euphemism. oh. i'm a self checkout. yeah, it sounds like you're checking yourself out. like from the hotel of being alive. oh, i would just say i'm going to kill myself. damn.
6:38 i said i would he said he would say it he didn't say it. i didn't say it. yeah, bro i have i gotta get in my cell service such a frustrating but funny cell phone story from yesterday. i took the c bus in vancouver. so it takes you from yeah, i see but i'll have vancouver go on sir yeah, you guys you got to get out of each other's sight line the north vancouver. i
7:04 and on the water you lose cell phone service. apparently there's a bug with rogers and the iphone that sometimes when that happens, it just puts you in alberta for your location. oh, you were roaming? no. so i got to the other side and i'm looking at my schedule and i'm like, did i lose an hour? did i pass out? like what the fuck is happening? why is it 4.30?
7:29 and i'm like, i'm like, where, what? i'm freaking out! because i'm like, did i just miss, like, did i, like, vaporize for an hour? like, what the hell happened? i looked at my, like, my time setting and it's like alberta. i'm like, what the fuck? so i turned it off and on and then i watched it, like, say vancouver and then take over to alberta again. you're in calgary all the time. yeah, yeah.
7:57 and shit is gonna be two hours, bro, once we go through daylight savings again. well, once they go through daylight savings again. yeah, y'all got rid of that. yeah, fuck that stuff. someone asked if i got the new chicken strip basket from costco food court. when i say something, it was yeti. yeti's normal in my chat. oh, did you guys get that now? we've had that for years. really? i've only eaten at costco food court one time. and i think we've even talked about it. it kind of sucks up here. because it's like just what are you talking about? bro, the chicken strips are the ones, like the cheap
8:26 chicken strips that they sell in the frozen food section. no, they're not. bro, they're like, they're air fried.
8:32 they're real tenders, bro. they're deep fried. no, they're not deep fried. they're fucking air fried, bro. they deep fry them in the back, bro. you think they got an industrial air fryer? this might be a difference between richmond and still creek. i don't know. but at the richmond costco, those are like air fried or microwaved chicken tenders. 100%. what do you mean they don't have a fryer? we have fucking french fries. they're frozen french fries. they bake in a big oven.
8:57 they're greasy as fuck, man. dude, they fried chicken wings. no, no, no, no, no. i don't think they have deep fryers back there, man.
9:14 i don't think i might listen. i'm not married to the idea that they don't have deep fryers back there, but i don't think they do. i'm pretty sure they do, man. i don't think it's insane to think they they're baking everything they have is fried. except for like the pizza and ice cream or the hot dogs, obviously, but
9:36 i'm not trying to they come out of a weird pot of water for sure. i'm about to leave right now and go irl to the costco food court. i want to know, dude, i'm going to put my camera behind the fucking thing. everyone's like 100% certain that they're not deep fried as if they fucking investigated the food court. like they've gone into every costco food court and looked in and be like, yeah, no deep fryer confirmed. bros going undercover.
9:59 and it is good for a hot dog. okay. someone in chat said when i worked at a hot dog, we would all piss in a big metal tub. we would all piss in a big metal tub and we would boil the hot dogs in that there's no, could you guys, no matter, there's a lot of people working on it. not that delicious. that's heidi lau. that's heidi lau.
10:30 no, you wouldn't even think in that kitchen you would need 10,000 employees to piss enough to fill a tub big enough to boil the amount of hot dogs that they're serving. i made a very good carne asada yesterday and i made little carne asada tacos with it. mark carne asada? that's our prime minister, bro. oh, shit. that's our that's right. who's the prime minister of england right now? he's not my prime minister. you're i think i still i still i still stand for katy perry's boyfriend.
11:01 yeah, you're your trudeau till death it's like straightedge kids would say true till death trudeau i mean we can bring him back. he's only like 45. it's really still really young. we could bring him back for three more terms he did the damn grouse grind. oh, this is a this is a real clippable hole here and i went in the water unfortunately, i'm gonna re throw it. i think i could do it. i mean the hole in one would be crazy that's a bullshit fucker
11:29 it's a bullshit fucker. i hate bullshit fuckers man. well it hit the ground and then it caught like a oh that was awesome. i'm gonna have to re throw one more time. i'm sad because now that glp1s exist i'm thinking it's possible we may have seen like our last insNLy fat president.
11:50 hahahaha! oh, glp one is... okay. legos empic. i think you'll still get some fat presidents. you think so? you think we're gonna get one where like the political cartoons show him like guzzling something from a huge pipe or something like that? nah man, real eaters are just gonna eat right through that shit. especially if they got presidential power and they can just have whatever they want. they're sucking down those birds that are stuffed with other birds. ohhh. yeah, they're going turduckenmutt. or whatever the frequency are called.
12:18 what's the thing you have to put a towel over your head to eat because it's too embarrassing? you never heard of that? i think it's european delicacy that you'd had to like... ordalon? yeah, you'd like put like...
12:39 like they would like put it like napkin over their head and like to eat it or some shit. oh damn it's a sin against god so you have to cover your face that's that's really intense
12:51 oh god, it's a little songbird you eat whole? that sounds terrible. i mean this guy was just talking about a f***ing eating a rotisserie chicken. what's the f***ing difference? well they don't sing nice songs. not to come across as like anti vegetarian at all but like a chicken is basically like a plant.
13:10 a lot of people have told me that chickens are pretty much like sentient bugs. i mean bugs are alive too i guess in a way. you probably still shouldn't be eating them. i mean yeah but that's because the human brain is like amazing at bonding. like you could fall in love with a fucking like a doorknob if it looked like it was smiling at you. you know? like our brains got problems too. people are falling in love with a damn chat box.
13:33 fall in love with anything. people are, did you ever see tlc? they're trying to like fuck roller coasters and shit. it's a crazy world out there. all in love with a doorknob sounds like an excuse that like an abusive husband gives. wait, what? husband singling scrubs is the show? that is, uh... oh, they force feed the bird and drown it in cognac by the way? okay, that's... oh, that doesn't sound very nice. that's, yeah, it's like more evil foie gras.
13:59 yeah i'm reminded of, i went out to eat with apollo, bloody and chiblee. we got a macassé and they would bring stuff to the table and while we were eating it say what it is. and while we're eating this stuff and going, this is amazing! they're like, oh this is foie gras. and i was like, oh. and then the lady who brought it like kind of shrugged and she was like,
14:17 well, we don't torture ours. she's like, you didn't complain about the three courses of whale you just ate either. you know what they should do? double the torture but only use canada geese. then people wouldn't complain. i'm a fan of canada. i like geese.
14:35 i have complicated poop too much. yes, that's the poop is what bothers me not their general temperament but the amount of infested poop they leave around is so crazy. they are crazy assholes. they're not assholes. they're literally like not to ruin anybody's life forever next time you see like a gaggle of geese, but the mortality rate of baby geese is like 94%.
15:01 so if you had like a couple of fledglings that were still around and then someone got too close trying to take a picture or something, you'd probably be like fuck off too. there was that video of that dude in toronto throwing the baby geese off his balcony. i didn't see that. that's fucked up though. yeah, someone should kill that guy. was it drake?
15:19 this is a heartbreaking scene captured by witnesses after the two geese swooped down to check on their goslings that fell four stories onto the pavement. a few could be seen moving while others were clearly injured. moments before, a group of men wielding pool noodles and other objects could be seen corralling the family of geese towards the edge. then the tiny birds could be seen plummeting to the ground.
15:46 that's what they wanted. he got a big head ever since he won the beef. he thinks he's invincible. we had tons of geese at my high school. i feel like every school, i don't know if this was like, i don't know if everyone's schools had this, but i feel like everyone's school had some animal that just overtook their campus. and at my first high school it was geese. second high school was rabbits.
16:05 but it would be so funny to see like 60 geese just chasing a little child running with a really heavy backpack running for his fucking life. the fuck is this? mist mandatory. bory, you gotta go through baldur's gate, man. you see the big red arrows? well i didn't know that you had them. no fucking warning, i just threw it at the fucking net.
16:27 yeah, i feel like i really fucked up high school experience in general, but it also like my high school was grade 7 through 12. we didn't have middle school. and then i don't know if you have the same experience, but if you ever talk to someone that didn't grow up in your state, they act like you're stupid. like you didn't live your own life.
16:46 yeah, but yeah, i was in high school grade 7 to grade 12 and they're like, no the fucking words. no you weren't. high school's grade 10, 11, and 12. no man, high school's grade 9, 10, 11, and 12. don't get me started on grading. oh, do you know, i can't do this. i can't do this again. i can't do this every time. why? i gotta know. well in canada, at least in ontario, i don't know about bc,
17:13 the range for an a in school starts at 80. but god forbid anyone who went to an american public school hears that or they think it's like a mickey mouse school.
17:25 just the way it works over here, man. they use percentages like in high school. so if you want to get into a good university, 20 years ago you needed like an 85 and now apparently you need like a 99.8 average to go to any school worth a damn. i know a fail was anything under a 65. it makes it literally sound like you went to harvard. i guess harvard probably works the opposite way where once you're in you're probably just a okay.
17:54 like, it really sounds like you went to the hardest school that's ever existed. i mean, you could pass with a 51 in canadian high school. but like, the one thing i will say is that all you do is you get like a piece of paper that says you pass. it's not like with a 51 in like grade nine english, you're going to be like, okay, time to go to yale. like it doesn't.
18:19 yeah, you basically that your your reward is you get to take grade 10 english but like be starting way behind the eight ball. i'm pissed off at all the ai summary sam a floridian well, you really really it meshed with your vibe so much. come on this is me off that all the ai summary sam 510, bro. oh
18:44 i've always laughed that shibblies buy on twitch says like if you're filling out a bio for me, please put on 6 2. no, i am 5 10. i just thought ai was supposed to suck. the only time i've said this a lot, so i apologize, but i don't really notice people's height unless they're insNLy tall or insNLy short. yeah, yeah, yeah. but like the only way that i'll find out that someone is like 5 8 is when they say that i'm six feet tall.
19:12 i'll be like you're pretty tall. you must be about 6 feet and i'm like no you have the wrong guy man. that's when all of a sudden i start looking at them and going like wait a second. hold on. i can sort of see the top of your head a little bit. what's i shoot you rockin? i think right. crazy did you say 15?
19:30 13. 30. ok, i'm right there with you. it's it's like the cut, which is insane. it's really funny because people think you're lying if you say you have size 13 feet. i'm not sure if you're under six feet tall. if i had a if i had a huge cocky like like justin said, you don't think i'd be starting every stream with like, well, yeah, i lost this game, but at least i got an eight incher. you know, i'd be saying, yeah, all the time. i'm not trying to make that shit like crazy. if i had a heater down there. oh, my god.
20:00 i just got large feet and it carries no benefit and only mild costs. 13 you can still find in a store. yes. that's the thing. like my buddy dave, one of my many daves but a friend who played bass in my band he's 6'7". hey!
20:18 and he had a size 15. and i heard about his plights on like having to just special order any shoe he's ever wanted to buy. that is great. 15 is too big. i'm only an 11. he had a big ass dick too, it wasn't fair. tall and a big dick? yeah. yeah, yeah. motherfucker man. good looking guy too.
20:39 taffy says fun fact justin's pet name for me is dave no, no, you can't be stealing dave's big dick valor. yeah, they'll fucking take you out brutal i almost aced on streamers, bro you know, i hate to see the people in chat asking how does justin know how big his friend's dick is? oh
21:07 i think they were in a band together. yeah, you change together or sometimes you just whip it out like for just to be like surprise i feel like every band i know had some kind of game and usually it was a dick game but we our game was called wands out harry and if someone said wands out harry you had to pull out your dick was there like a punishment for the last person to pull it out nope
21:33 that's so awesome! no punishments. wands out harry is so good. i also have it on good authority. a friend of mine was friends with a couple of broadway actors and they thought us having a game called wands out harry was so funny because they were friends with daniel radcliffe. oh shit. and then i heard like a year or two later that they had told him and he just said, that's fucking awful. no!
22:01 he's got a tiny dick confirmed is what you're learning right now. i don't know. that one friend who never wants to play wands out harry? we retired the game when uh like it was usually in like you know in environments where it was appropriate to be playing it.
22:15 and then in a very crowded coffee house someone called it out and then a buddy of mine went to go pull his thang out and we were like no no no no no no no no no. the only dick pics i've ever sent in my life were to people in my band. because sometimes you get a text that says wounds out harry. that's so awesome.
22:34 and nowadays, the gen z, they're not putting the dividers on the conveyor belt and they're running like 10k on the treadmill at the gym and then getting on the bus and going home and showering. this is what we've lost in just one generation. i know we used to have we used to be a society. my favorite one i ever had was back in back when everyone was using the whole snapchat singer for my band's just had a story about how he was just having like a rough day at work.
22:59 and i wrote a really nice letter in cursive that was like, like, dear jr, i'm sorry to hear about your rough day. just know that i really cherish our friendship and i really leaned into it. but in the corner of the photo was just my dick. i made it like i wrote this and then was standing up nude to take the picture of it. and he got a real good kick out of that. i gotta be 100% honest, i don't think i've ever pointed a camera at my dick.
23:26 on accident all the time. i'm gonna fuck up someday. like i've got the ndi camera in my shed and it's just power over ethernet so if it's accessed it just turns on. and like i get changed in there.
23:39 when i'm getting changed i was looking at the camera like man i hope that light don't turn on. that's that's giving me flashbacks to the time uh when i was teaching and i had i rode my bike through a snowstorm and got absolutely soaking wet like it was the kind of snow that like stuck to your legs. it's made of water yeah. right so i was i was thanks and uh
24:04 and then i got to the classroom and i took off like my pants and i was just in the classroom. what the fuck? with my pants off and then i'm just like paranoid. you were by yourself in the classroom. yes, yes, yes. i was waiting. it's necessary. it sounds like the class started and you went to the desk and then just took your pants off. no, no, no, no. it was before like the students arrived and i was just like playing like a game basically like
24:32 really? hope no one shows up early. i really hope no one shows up early i really hope no one shows up early well, like did you have a teacher's bathroom in your school or did you just have to go this was in the site? my school was i'm not calling you out. i'm segue into a little kid asked me to wipe his butt and i was like, i'm not gonna do that and then i went and got another teacher. yeah, yeah, cuz we need to show don't well we had the shit in the stalls that like the kids also used and
24:59 so i was like pooping and then one of the other kids was like, ryan teacher, can you help me? and i said, i'll be right back. and i went and i got one of the kindergarten teachers. i was like, i'm not doing that. we were like a street front classroom. like it wasn't, there was nobody else there. it was just me. i just had the shutter down. oh, you even at a show that's even better. you had a shutter.
25:25 i didn't have any kids asked me to do that thankfully in that school. i did have a kid epic prank me and pee all over the toilet paper on purpose. that's like on the roll. you ruin the whole roll on the roll. that's crazy. it kind of is a good one though. so you grabbed it and you were like,
25:45 no, i saw it was like a fucking leaky wet mess hanging on the wall. we had a sink shitter one year and it was like like the principal came into the classroom. it was the principal! well the principal came to our classrooms to like grill everyone and be like whoo shit in the sink. that's uh american. take your pants off, i need to see if you have a rectangle imprint. when i was in the dorms in my first year of college we did have two seniors
26:14 come back to the dorms, obviously like insNLy drunk.
26:18 and they were like, we used to live here, we used to live here. and we were like, wow, that's so cool, you guys are really cool. and then they got into the bathroom and stood on the sink and then just both pissed in two different sinks at exactly the same time. and everyone was like, what the fuck? what the fuck? i'll cop to it. i thought it was funny as fuck. i still think it's funny to this day.
26:45 you ever, uh, we used to go to a bar and, uh, the men's room had a toilet and a urinal and one of us would stand at the toilet pissing in the urinal and the other one would stand at the urinal pissing in the toilet. that's so cool! we thought that shit was so funny. it was really cool! that's so good. and we'd all be quoting ghostbusters about crossing the streams. ah, across the streams, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. just like normal male bonding. yeah, try doing that, ladies. ladies, ladies, try doing that. i'll wait. they're gonna do it. they're gonna do it and they're gonna show you. oh, shit.
27:16 where i'm going, oh please, please don't show me. oh yeah. nah, piss does nothing for me. i'm telling you, people who like shit like that have superpowers. i'll say it, it does less than nothing for me. yeah, yeah. but imagine it did something for you? you just go find that shit off. like go move to like new york city, you're gonna be fucking hard the whole time. i don't think it's like...
27:41 a puddle of piss does it for you. i guess i don't really understand it. i refuse to believe that. also, i guess it would kind of suck to just be hard the whole time. until someone calls out. yeah, that's true. no one ever pulled out a hard one on wanzaa. that would be crazy. that would be so odd. that would be fucking beast mode if you said wanzaa and then you just pulled out his hard dick.
28:09 i've seen so many dicks in my life, but i've seen so few hard dicks and i think that's good justin the the the number of dicks i have seen went up drastically after you told me about blue sky. oh yeah, i remember i was playing the game on stream right back. all right. i'm gonna scroll blue sky let's see how many posts we can get without a cock and i'd never make it more than like two. oh
28:32 i remember the early days of like algorithmic twitter where it was still like 90% your followers and following.
28:41 but then every once in a while they put in a dash cam video of someone getting decapitated or something. but every friday, fursuit friday would be trending. so it would be like, hey, my new indie game came out today, why don't you give it a try? and then we can't let this guy become president. and then the next one would just be a dude in a fursuit.
29:05 just on his bed like, do you like what you see? i am a 37 year old fox fur from bethesda, maryland. and i'm like, damn, we can't let this guy become president, man. we got to stop this. i remember getting like body dysmorphia as a child in elementary school.
29:26 because i was like really self conscious of wearing like a basketball jersey because i was a little chubby and like where my armpits met my chest i would get like a little pinch of flesh. okay yeah yeah the flesh and like that made me so on like so embarrassed. how do you know it's body dysmorphia? because like isn't that where i mean i guess it's not body dysmorphia but it's just like
29:51 uncomfortable feeling about like my own body. because like body dysmorphia is like my vision of my body is like getting distorted in my own brain. but what if you're the only person who's actually seeing yourself for what you are?
30:05 can i tell you a crazy thing? i did have a therapist tell me once it was dysmorphia. but like, if i try to picture myself in my head, i picture my head as like the size of a pinpoint. and my body is like infinitely impossibly large. you know what i mean? like i cannot... i can't get the proportions right. like a goomba from the super mario brothers movie? but a hundred times more exaggerated. like the dude in the waiting room in beetlejuice?
30:33 yeah, even more than that. yeah, but like that's that's like the right that's the right ballpark. yeah yeah, like picture like if you were to draw it on a piece of paper you would do like a single dot with a pen and then the body would fill the rest of the page really? yeah. yeah. okay, like like baymax from big hero 6 is this dramatic for you that i keep bringing up fucked up fictional characters?
31:02 i know that's not the case, but like if i just cannot picture my body in my head it's weird. i just see a goblin when i picture myself. a goblin? hey justin, did you see howl's game show stream last night?
31:16 yeah, you see when he watched the new british well for him new british game show from 1993. yeah with the impersonators. yeah that was what i saw yes the most caucasian man on earth being like today i'm gonna be michael jackson and then it was oh good him coming out and doing like a
31:40 i made like a six out of ten michael jackson impression. yeah, yeah. the lady who came out and did cyndi lauper fucking killed it. yeah, she was doing a great job. i know some of the people in chat there's like an overlap so i apologize if this is you but there was somebody going off in chat about how like
31:58 girls just want to have fun is one of the best pop songs ever made they said it like two or three times and i was like i agree with them. oh, come on. one of the best pop songs ever made girls. i want to have fun it's one of the it's an all timer for sure. it's fun as if that's like i do think
32:23 i'm not really a fan of pop music, but i like that song. i have a cute story about that song, which is that as a in senior kindergarten, it came on. i think my parents had a cindy lauper. listen, we do think you were just saying don't bring up the schooling thing. we do things differently.
32:40 we do two years of kindergarten, you do one year of pre k and then one year of something called kindergarten. we do junior kindergarten and senior kindergarten. it's two different things, okay? junior and senior is so funny. well, what the fuck is pre k? that's before kindergarten. what's the difference between pre k and kindergarten? motherfucker, what's the difference? what makes it pre? what makes it pre?
33:02 it's before kindergarten. yeah, but what's the functional difference between that and kindergarten? i feel like in pre k we'd like just kind of played with toys and in kindergarten yeah, i did. oh my kid is in kindergarten. all they do is play with toys every once in a while they're like what happens if you have one toy and you want another one, that's it. oh
33:19 they're like that's two toys you gotta admit senior kindergarten is kind of funny senior kindergarten sounds like i'm thinking like an old folks home yeah i'm gonna fucking freak out it's like a day well at least at our schools we don't have police officers and metal detectors every day you're gonna turn me into that motherfucker
33:47 oh man. well that's because i was bringing my gun to school. i forgot you grew up in philly. i don't think mine, i don't think mine does. it's not easy to get a gun in new york. like, like i knew like one family that had a gun and i remember this which is this is a psychotic memory because it was one of those friendships that i got like forced into it. oh yeah. because my mom was friends with uh their mother
34:12 mm hmm. and like i you know, we would go there to hang out and she'd be like, all right go play with him and i'd be like, oh. so i was playing with him on probably like six and he was like, i found the keys to my dad's gun safe. you want to see the guns? holy shit. and i was like, like not really.
34:28 and then he pulled out a gun and then he went and got the gun and like pointed it in my mouth. oh my god! and i'm like really lucky it wasn't loaded. holy shit. holy fuck! yeah crazy, crazy memory. it's like a commercial on tv man. fucking like what are they called? the psa.
34:48 my life like a movie. my life like a movie. my gruff crying dog says don't put a gun in your friend's mouth. yeah, yeah. that's a fucked up memory. i feel like if you were like 15 you might be like well so what he didn't shoot him but as someone who basically is like i have a six year old like yeah yeah i was like six and he was eight or nine. that could have gone really wrong. they don't know they don't know what they're doing at all.
35:19 i found the key to the gun safe immediate first thought is to put it in this kid's mouth. yeah, it was uh... he didn't pull the trigger did he? no he did. it was thanks to me. what? we pulled the trigger? yeah, immediately. holy fucking shit. yeah. one of the kids i went to school with who was a uh, a pants to the floor at the urinal pisser. and like would get relentlessly bullied. i remember looking him up once like oh man i wonder how that guy wound up.
35:48 and his facebook was wedding photos, except he was cosplaying as cloud from final fantasy. his wife was also cosplaying as someone. that's a great read though. and i was like, awwww. it'd be so funny if he was doing great with his pants down. they both had their pants down.
36:08 i was very heartwarming to see that. yeah, but okay, but like we have to say that. but getting married in cloud strife cosplay is kind of fucking insane. it's really funny, but like... it's like this is only... only tetsuya nomura knows the real me. like that's crazy. meanwhile i'm fucking 41 and single. make it make sense. you just haven't found your chifa yet, man. like on the wedding day, you're cloud?
36:38 alright, just keeps curving to the left and i don't really understand why because the little line wasn't going. i guess me my whole life. could be worse. could have no curve. everything about that. but not legit. i am not really i don't really got much curve.
36:51 i think the curve lets you access parts that you otherwise wouldn't be accessing. oh like the left and the right. there's actually a piece of a heart canister in the left of the pussy. oh dude i'm gonna get married as link.
37:11 i still can't get over them getting married this cloud strife. i hope that was in the way. i hope that what they did like a photo shoot before the wedding and then they got married as their it i think it was like at the altar and memory serves. this was a while ago more and more power to him wouldn't be me dude. yeah, you know, it's fair you saying waka unlocked another memory where this is the singer for my band by my buddy who lives here in richmond. he was living in brooklyn at the time above a tattoo shop.
37:41 and he went out to smoke a cigarette and waka flocka flame was there. and he was like, hey man can i get a photo? and flocka's response was, if it helps you get pussy man. all right, that's cool. that's a funny way to approach someone asking for your photo. we should try that. that's what i did wrong maybe. using that as a response to can i get a photo not trying to get pussy. or we should try meeting waka waka.
38:08 waka waka. ozzy bear. his name is not waka waka. this time for africa. the shakira song. i don't think i know a waka. waka flame song. yeah, man. that's kind of the only one i do know the phrase i go hard in the motherfucking paint. i know that. yeah, stop there. of course. that's it.
38:34 i was gonna say don't keep singing the next word in the song is a song. i didn't even know. you shouldn't be saying. dude, i had a crazy moment yesterday. i was talking and you could, librarian, go back and find the chat messages because this was crazy to me.
38:48 i was talking about like some shit about chappelle's show season two and then people were like you can't reference that guy anymore and i said okay but in 2004 we didn't know he was gonna say that shit i'm not saying you have to defend though i'm just saying we didn't know but then people started acting in chat like i was mad that dave chappelle was saying the n word
39:06 the realization dawned on me so slowly because it seems so insane that i was like what? they were like he could say it, he could say it. then somebody was like i'll say it and then they typed like the version that was like close to it but
39:25 not, oh, i'm getting so close to the edge and automod caught it. but i was like, are you guys like actually stupid? that's not why people are mad at dave chappelle bro.
39:36 they're mad at him for other reasons. his comedy sucks. i got a message for you from ricky, which is when i was streaming ocarina at a time to like 10ccv, wakaflocka's best friend came in the chat and said it was his and waka's favorite game of all time. that's so sweet. and that waka was trying to start a streamer agency and would bring me on. yo!
39:55 the guy sent me his instagram it was all pictures of him and waka smoking weed and drinking lean. god that rocks. that is so sick. that's fucking awesome rick. yeah well why the fuck aren't you on his agency man? the waka flocka streamer agency. i don't even know what that guy looks like. he got distracted by nfts shortly thereafter. i would know waka flocka flame if i saw him.
40:17 but it would help me if he was wearing the same hat he's wearing in the gif where he goes, uhhhhhh. i know the gif. i know the gif. classic gif. i swear that this is not a lie.
40:38 i was a huge nwa guy in college to the point where like for my birthday one year my friends got me a poster of nwa and i put it in my room. but even i have to acknowledge that it's very funny that in and i mean this was like 2008 it was not like right when they were popular but yeah yeah but uh even i will acknowledge that in 2026 all the nwa stuff reads like larping
41:08 like dr. dre and ice cube are not doing that shit and all the public enemy stuff it's aged like rage against the machine. i know, yeah, don't show ice cube the clip. i know he's gonna say, oh hell no. oh man, don't clip it when he's saying i own a gun. oh hell no. don't clip it, don't clip it. nah uh. nah. nah, eazy e was like the only real guy in that crew, i think. who?
41:31 easy easy. yeah. yeah. who's this? who's this guy? i think mc ren is like a, he's like a pastor or something now. justin. what is your cock tattooed? no. you think it would probably rub off. you just put like measuring lines on the side of it.
41:55 i think it was wrong. they're wrong. they're the length. you put the centimeter markers would then have it say inches or something. a grower who uses it to convert centimeters to inches. yeah, that's something. i was imagining like you have a tattoo on your cock but like the middle of it's rubbed off from you jerking off too much. i feel like a tattoo wouldn't adhere great to a dick. adhere?
42:25 well yeah like tattoos on your fingers and like a palm tattoo and lip tattoos they like fall out. i think it would look blurry. it just wouldn't look... get it pixelated. i feel like i mean i'll just say it i think it would hurt a little bit. there's no bone. tattoos hurt against bone. oh okay. like my lip tattoo felt like nothing. wouldn't you want to be erect when you get the tattoo so that
42:55 when you are erect it looks good instead of like get it when you're flaccid then when you're erect you'd be like what the fuck is that? i gotta warm up for this real fast.
43:08 oh no, it would bleed a lot. that's true. it would bleed like crazy if you were hard. did you say you had a lip tattoo? yeah, my inner lip. but it is completely faded out now. so it's faded out to the point now that it's just the letter k. oh no. what was it before? kisses. it said fuck. it said kiss here. it was just like a for fun, uh, i was getting tattooed and the tattoo was quick and my friend was like, you want anything else? and i was like, yeah, throw some in my mouth.
43:37 crazy phrase stupid as a crazy shot man. i'll kill myself. i'm not invited. you can't say that i was thinking back when when we were talking about using the self checkout and
43:54 i think not to glaze us or say we're completely devoid of all sin. i do like that if you watch like any other streamer that's on the platform, it seems like they gleefully love to be like, well, you can't say this word, but i can say this word that sounds a lot like it and everybody knows what i mean, but i can't get in trouble for it. he he. and we're like, man, if i could get around tos, i would threaten to kill myself every stream.
44:19 it would be so i would love to threaten to kill myself at least my stream they would be so good he said wait, we could threaten to kill ourselves. we're not invited. i've wasted so much time i did i did play games with somebody who was very nice, but they did say heckin see that that is i
44:41 not as bad as the wanted to die. what's the term for a word you can't say, but you can say a word that sounds just like it and get away with it? i don't know. because there's got to be a word for it. it's not a dog whistle. it's like a... it's not a... well, i guess it's kind of a dog whistle. a slur. it's a cat whistle. can i tell you the dumbest shit? my high school, we had to take a written final in gym class.
45:11 what was on the file? it was like, how many yards was a football field? it was like volleyball rules. that's really funny. and like the whole time the teachers know it's dumb, we know it's dumb, but like for some reason it was mandated. like this is every class has to have a written description. and you know where we took it? the gym? on the gym floor.
45:41 i had to take one year, i think i was like sick on the day that we chose what we were gonna take for gym class and i got stuck taking step aerobics. wait your high school had step aerobics? yes we did we did step aerobics. you know how many times i heard cotton eye joe against my will? oh my god that sucks. actually maybe my gym class just sucked because now i'm remembering i also had to take power walking.
46:09 it really sounds like you went to high school with like a bunch of ants. well, this gym teacher that i took both of these classes was is like, and like, okay, sure. yeah, like she had like the karen haircut. rc darcy style. yeah. okay. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. they have you doing the step aerobics on like the plastic riser? yes. my mom had those. yeah.
46:38 pretty sure my mom had that too. she was doing that suzanne or whatever. yeah. nice. yeah. doing some richard simmons shit. yeah, exactly. went to the oldies. did you guys have like did your gym teacher have to teach you sex ed too? is that how they do it down there? yep. yeah. yeah. yep. i always felt for my ninth grade gym teacher teaching a class full of 13 year old boys.
47:09 how to put a condom on. it's like that's so all the kids are like this is awkward bro. how do you think he felt? he was like 58 years old. i might have just not been there for condom day, but i remember them. he doesn't know how to do it. i was gonna be like, well, fuck i don't. i've never used one of these. can you also have you like we didn't separate like it like our yeah, our sex ed was just everyone.
47:36 i remember we had to watch the miracle of childbirth. yep. oh, yeah. i don't want to watch this. you could miracle of life. everyone left. everyone left. yes, we talked to everybody that that gigantic blue baby. i think like this watching reverse. they made you watch it. so it looks like the baby's going like it's crying because it's going to get put back in.
48:01 it's going back in through the torrential downpour of liquid that came out. good lord. i remember it was like we had the first semester and then the second semester were separated by like six months. so all the kids who took ninth grade biology were like, you guys are going to have to watch this crazy video. it built up like a stigma to it. and other stuff comes out. it's not just a baby like other stuff comes out too.
48:29 it's a lot. we did have one separated uh they separated the boys from the girls when i was in fourth grade to do like a it was they made us watch a i know i've talked about this because when i mentioned it someone found it on youtube but it was a very misinformed aids psa video. oh no. okay yeah that that this is the 90s for sure yeah yeah and it was like a bunch of guys dressed up like
48:53 no, they were like running around chasing. so it was like guys who look like the current depiction of the covid virus. ok. like guys in costumes, like actual people. and they were chasing around guys in big white t costumes because they were chasing the t cells around.
49:09 but i and it was like it was like a fucking it was the dumbest shit in the world. but then the teacher was like, all right, anyone else? yeah. anyone have any questions? and the first question, some guy said like a guy, a child in the class goes like, if you have sex, could your dick blow up? and then the whole class went nuts. and he was like, if you guys can't take this seriously, we're done. and that was the end of the class. probably. that's what happened to the fucking lindsey graham.
49:37 oh, god bless. it blew up. i remember the miracle of life. it also had that scene where they put the camera inside the people's mouths while they were kissing. oh god. and it was incredibly weird. not a good wands out hairy moment. or the best. or the best. i think i may have told the story before, but in like, i think 11th grade?
50:06 i had health class and it was like me and all my friends, like all like the little like punk rock kids were in this class. and before class we would purposefully like eat like two bowls of raisin bran because it was like first thing in the morning and we would just rip farts the whole class. like sitting in the back of class just letting them go insane to the point where one day
50:31 one day the teacher sat with us because he was getting sick of us as if that was gonna stop us. we just kept ripping farts at the teacher right there. i had a friend who would uh, if he had to fart he would take a running start and jump with his ass right in front of your face. that's insane. that shit was so fucking funny. it killed me every time. guys i took my kid to a uh, a bouncy castle like an indoor playground with bouncy castles this weekend.
50:59 they were playing wolf parade. i was kind of, i was a little flabbergasted that i realized or i read about. apparently wolf parade is popular with gen z now because they had a song in heated rivalry, the hockey show. is it the? that's the one. it's a krug jam. it's exactly that one. i don't know if i've ever heard wolf mother. i think that's the one. no, no, no, no, don't put that evil on me. okay, wolf mother and wolf parade are two different things.
51:26 oh, i don't think i've ever heard wolf parade then. you've probably heard wolf mother because they do the... woman, you got to be a woman. or the woman singing... tell you about a story about a joker and the thief in the night. from the hangover. why'd you bark? oh, that was because it was bad. it could be worse. it could be the band that everybody likes just because they kind of sound like led zeppelin.
51:59 oh god. yeah, that turned. no, what's your credit? credit? credit? credit? credit? toon berg is that what he said? i was going to say credit. smoking on that shit that made credit turn. yeah, i really don't like the like. let's just sound like a 70s band thing. you know 100% and like dress like them too. i don't know.
52:28 happy with the job they want. i don't know. i mean, it's not that big of a deal. but also, basically, when people are like, you shouldn't hate this music. ok, so you're asking me to lie is what you're doing. like, let's just let's just tell it that you're saying like i should betray my true feelings and instead be like, no, this thing's probably cool. even if when i hear it, i'm like every sense in my body is going, this sucks.
52:47 yeah, yeah, you're saying i should realize i protect your feelings. okay, people don't realize like it's fun to hate some shit that's what i meant to say but also it's like a streamer like you gotta hate stuff because you need something to talk about that's true you can't just be them. well, that's if you like it. i can't just like everything. oh, yeah, that's good no, i haven't seen that yet. no, i saw that that was good like normal to themselves but like wands out ringo and
53:13 it's like it's fun for us to talk about it, you know. and also when people are like oh in real life when they're like that's my favorite band i'm not like whoa you're fucking stupid. yeah i don't even think you're fucking stupid. i'm like okay that's fine but this that's a situation where the two people in the conversation are like equals. this is a situation where people are like what's your true unfiltered opinion on this that's a different story. blue blue course blue that's uh joni mitchell album.
53:42 nice. did you know that? no. i didn't know that. that felt like a... i don't know if you ever watch go off kings but they found new guys to watch who they do a podcast that really feels like they're being like forced to do it and it's just two guys who all this you know i'll just say they seem kind of dumb and it's one guy who would be like hey did you know did you know you ever hear about this and the other one goes nah i didn't know that. and then they just move to the next topic.
54:11 that's the whole podcast, it's great. oh, because up until that point you were subscribing the joe rogan podcast. it is so fucking funny. more people subscribe to a blue sky bot that reposts their stuff than actual them. kind of devastating. and i think that's magical. oh sure, one moment please y'all. sticks out. yeah, yeah. how did the discord, like someone joined the discord? i got scared. i'll be right back. yeah, yeah. so what's up man?
54:47 oh no, that's just plain wrong. you want to get this motherfucker banned from twitch? oh yeah, my cock's out right now. i'm ready for it. that was, i remember genuinely being so afraid of that like way, way back in the day. i was talking earlier about how i used to be so nervous about streaming early on and it's like funny to think about now because now it's the most nonchalant shit in the world. worried about getting banned?
55:17 yeah, i worried about like going afk for even like two minutes if i was in a call with someone it was also crazy back then like my the one action ever taken against my twitch account was because i was streaming myself in photoshop making a banner for my twitch stream and they suspended me for streaming non gaming content which is really funny considering. yes. yes. yes, i
55:43 back to those fine days where being the most watched channel on the platform meant you had like a thousand viewers yeah we just yeah i just i i was like a youtube guy i was just watching youtube stuff i didn't even consider like live i was i didn't know that you like i youtube to me was
56:01 exclusively a website to watch bands play shows like i didn't realize people made content i wasn't aware of just content as a as a thing mm hmm and i remember when i learned that that was a thing and like learned that let's plays were a thing i was like what the fuck it was like 2015 when i learned all this guys i got some bad news what's up what's up i got a take off we got a family thing oh no
56:28 i hope everything's okay. everything's okay. i won't be back for lego though. all right later guys. it was a pleasure. yeah. yes. it was fun. yep. good luck. all right. sorry chat. um, i'll be back tomorrow in the meantime i'll send you over to corey's stream and thanks for watching. i will see you tomorrow morning. my wife's got a
57:00 she's got a yellow moon on discord. what am i supposed to do? i saw her in the night sky, say yellow moon means she's away none of you
57:20 stand so tall yellow moon means no discord call it's a yellow moon yeah, you know what i'm talking about? yellow, yellow, yellow moon