You are just one spin away from a generational roguelike (Slot or Not)

Name: You are just one spin away from a generational roguelike (Slot or Not)
Uploaded: 2026-05-27
Channel: Northernlion
Description: Full searchable transcript of "You are just one spin away from a generational roguelike (Slot or Not)" (Slot or Not) — 108 lines, each linking straight to that moment on YouTube.

Northernlion2026-05-27Slot or Not

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0:00 that's an awfully hot slaughter not new game on steam. that just came out. it doesn't have to always rhyme or be like an eminem impression. what is it? it's a pick three roguelike where you spin the slot machine, bro. that's all i know. you spin the slot machine. it came out today. let's get it going.
0:21 also, it was one of the games where you need a phd to figure out how to buy it because i own every other game that it's sold with in a bundle. so i'm scrolling like the full price is like $7.50 canadian but it's 10% off. but also i own luck be a landlord so like that one is like 17% off and i also own clover pit so that one's like 14% off and it's like i'm scrolling through like 20 different bundles to try to find out which one is like 3 cents cheapest.
0:49 the surviving mutated species united into tribes are trying to rebuild the resemblance of society again. our story is about the only son of the leader of the hare tribe, how ironic, bun dorian, a brave warrior and his witty assistant, slottie. one day his father summoned him and revealed a shocking secret that he, godric dorian, is the true king.
1:14 long ago the fox milicenta deceived him and seized power by force and now his son bundorian must return the crown. i'm just gonna be real with you, i'm not 100% sure. i guess we're bundorian, it's like a finn the dog and jake the human type set up. decided to fulfill his father's last wish and begin preparing for the journey. okay, now is nicholas piccolis. bundorian decided to fulfill his father's last wish and began preparing for the journey. he's dabbin' on a man.
1:45 well, your father has finally revealed his secret. the time has come. i'm sorry i had to hide this from you all this time. although i am your master, i am first and foremost your father's loyal servant. i've trained you for this moment your whole life, and now you have to prove you're ready. here's your silly combat slot machine, probably eavesdropping in the bushes as usual. greetings master moses, i have hypersensitive soundboard. no need to eavesdrop. oh man, even the damn slot machine's got misophonia these days.
2:15 okay, weirdo enough talk prove you're a worthy fighter on this training dummy. finally a worthy opponent don't you try to pick something from your inventory and put it in the slot? i see what you're saying let's put a bun sword in the slot and a bun sword in the slot. you have to spin it, duh do i really want to do i want to spin with i guess you don't even need to get three in a row just like whatever you get whatever you get is is just gonna give you whatever it's worth, huh?
2:54 oh shit. stick, stick, stick. who knew? well let's do exactly the same thing then, if you don't mind. this time we only do four damage. i hope you understood that the items you selected can hit the slot or maybe they don't. yeah, yeah, yeah. of course. i'm a little confused about why that first sword did three and the second one did one though. i'm a little bit confused about that. i'm a little bit confused about why i'm rolling sword, stick, stick instead of tongue, tongue, tongue, sahur.
3:35 well, i mean in that case, why don't we fill the slot machine with everything we have instead of just constantly rolling sticks non stop? it's that simple. that's a start, defeat your first enemy. that time we did 16 damage apparently. good for us, man. don't use triple t's name in vain. i'm a johnny come lately to tongue, tongue, tongue, sahur. i've still been rocking 6'7".
4:05 and you might think that i only like i code switch i only use six seven when i'm talking to you or when i'm like talking to my daughter no, no, it will be out at dinner with like other people our age and if kate says if someone asks like how many of something she has and she says i don't know six or seven i go wait a minute and then she's like surreptitiously tries to be like don't say it and
4:29 i'll bust it out of every situation. i don't care man. i'm different kind of beasts like that. i'm something of a meme lord. oh shit! what happened to moses bro? my name is w02. just call me w. are you the hero as a sight set on the queen's throne? rumors spread quickly, you know. good thing we have ears everywhere. i've come to take your life. sorry kid, but those are the queen's orders. i'll give you a chance to show yourself. attack!
4:57 enemy obstacle. all right, i'm thinking i'll put everything i got in the slot machine and spin it. you don't even have a health bar, bro. this doesn't bode well. it's northernlion time. yes, sir. well, that two shields should save me. seems not good. so like, i mean, i guess i'm... oh, you do have a health bar. it's at the top, by the way, but it's kind of wonder... oh, he's gonna hit me for 999 this turn. that seems bad. there you go. i've also been killed.
5:51 nah man, they think they're mega man x. this is interesting but i expected more. to be honest, i'm disappointed. finding a worthy opponent isn't so easy these days. farewell little hero. was it really necessary to bother me for such a trifle? well, time to go. bro, you bothered me. i was minding my own business. you bothered me.
6:13 each of us is sinful. no one deserves forgiveness. what are they okay. what do they think they're doing here in this game? they're getting deep into the philosophical themes, uh, that i did not expect after the master comes in dabbing on us. the one who is stronger wins. that is the law of nature. i will follow her orders until my heart stops beating. will there be someone who can interrupt its beat? i'm waiting for you, hero.
6:49 now it's doki doki literature club. this is a crazy ass like tone that the game is establishing, man.
7:13 you need rest now, but i understand stopping you doesn't make sense. i can see it in your eyes. the training field is still intact if you want to test your strength. come back soon and direct all survivors you meet on your way here. damn, man. i'll select my character, bundorian, and then start the game. oh, there's your seed. that's kind of cool, actually. i like that. now, i do want to have none post processing. that's big for a beast like me.
7:47 and then accidentally restart the game, but that's okay. just start a new game. boost your health, it'll help you stay alive. thank you. thank you, loading screen. here we go. enemy obstacle, cherry. cherry baby. this is a consumable destroy on usage. i'm not gonna use my aoe until i see multiple enemies, it's that simple. try to get close, your ass will get smacked. my homie dr. dre and snoop dogg have got my back. never let me spin, because if i spin, then i'm spinning.
8:27 interesting kind of like pause while you wait for your your turn to resolve with like nothing on the screen to indicate what's happening not to be evil or whatever. i'm just a little just kind of surprised like oh
8:45 can you tell yeti to buy me blonde on vinyl? i'm not gonna tell, yeti's literally 19 years old. they shouldn't be buying anything on vinyl. they should be like, filling up that emergency fund or whatever. like saving up nickels from mowing lawns to go to college in september or whatever. i did see the greatest reviewer on letterboxd of all time by the way. don't tell me to click on this.
9:13 i saw the greatest review on letterboxd of all time. i promise you, one day the 2000s crude comedy reappraisal is going to happen. right now it seems impossible because judd apatow is like america's number one most wanted film criminal and trust me, i get it. you don't think i got it? bro, i saw funny people when it came out. this shit is like three hours and 17 minutes too long. regardless,
9:38 it's no uncut gems, let's put it that way. but when the 2000s comedy reappraisal comes out, when the theme starts happening, meet the parents is not going to be a 3.3 on letterboxd anymore. it's going to have an albert brooksy in style rise to like a 3.7. 3.8 might be pushing it, but i could easily see in 10 years it getting to a 3.7 because it's actually great. and then one of the top reviews was like,
10:09 ben stiller in the horrible very bad no good day or something like that. they gave it five stars and their profile picture was bob dylan's blonde on blonde. i said this is the perfect reviewer. i clicked on their letterbox profile location. black diamond bay.
10:26 i said this is a real one right here. that's almost just followed them out of nowhere despite not even knowing who they were. there you go. librarians put them on blast here. but i was like, i want you to know that i respected it. let's put it that way.
10:41 see this shiny gem? it's an extra item rule. hover over it to see what it does. it also does one extra heal. that seems pretty good, man. sure. see this one? limits uses to two. uses left two. this one's also an extra rule, but it's a bad one. i'll take the one that also heals you, man. oh shit. razor blade. razor blade. crafted slicer. my bad. that's a crafted slicer.
11:14 slums classic. 4 to 6 damage with a 20% chance of self damage for 3. that also has a chance to pull an item for each slot and if your hp is 45 plus gains 1 shield. crafted slicer is now unlocked. okay. crafted slicer is now unlocked. interesting. what is this? enemy obstacle? why? oh, because it takes up 2 slots?
11:48 ah, it takes up two slots. so different items have different capacity within the slot machine. i see. now we have no more room with which to place one more thing. i understand, man. i understand a little bit. oh! 26 damage? vidal so soon? what happened? oh, maybe i didn't get it off of my... off of my hand. it's also a freaking deck builder, man. they've got everything. of course i'm rolling more than four damage here.
12:22 or exactly 4 damage. boozy is now unlocked. fragmented cover, bits and pieces mimic a random item. and shuriken destroys on use. i mean this gives you 5 gold gains 2 shield, gains shield buff 2 for 1 turns which gives you extra shield apparently. sure man, why not? you only take up one slot. you're doing no damage. i go in on you.
13:01 i'll give it its flowers. it's got a certain presentational amount of flair to it for sure. you're now doing two damage. i will throw out my fragmented cover. mission accomplished. i did take three self damage, but that's okay. you are going to skip a turn or you're gonna make me skip a turn because the blue one skips your turn. who knows, man? who knows?
13:48 crazy uh the names are just throwing me for a loop man. geisty cult death sovereign like i feel like not that there's anything wrong with this this is so clearly like translated literally from another language into english
14:04 this is crazy for like the third item you see in a game, man. geisty colt, death sovereign. 1 damage, perform x3 echo. if slob machine is 3 plus rows, 4 damage, 30% crit chance. weapon that always has 15% ricochet chance. i mean of course we want that, man.
14:31 the slot station. hey look, a slot station. you can extend my rows and columns with it. come on, pick a row or a column to extend. but remember, it's a one time offer. also, we can buy some hats to meet the fashion trends. awesome, right? also, you can pet the dog. okay. i would like to extend vertical. well, no. i mean, this does give you the chance to roll six, i guess, which is awesome. but if we extend horizontal, don't we get a bonus out of our... out of geisty cult, death sovereign?
15:08 if there's three plus rows, well, three plus equals three, man. three, okay, i kinda like, but it's kinda we're missing the sound effect, man. and then also, but it doesn't change anything, it's just a hat. sure, man, why not? bunny's fan now unlocked. and then we come here and you're gonna allow us to upgrade a tile.
15:49 obviously you're going to allow us to upgrade a tile, not just rest. someone left the fireplace unattended. take a rest or restore health or take a snack to gain max hp. max hp is literally overpowered, man. you haven't noticed you've slept through the night. you feel invigorated. i thought i had a snack, bro. i mean, we skip on basic shield. we're definitely not ta we're rerolling that for sure. now cute little frog. no, death second death sovereign? that's huge, man. and actually it's literally better that it only has four uses.
16:36 when you see nine nodes ahead and they're all exactly the same, greater than sign. cs type chest? obviously not for me, i got a purple. send it bro. insert here. pull the wheel. damn, we beat his ass man. can i try a bit out on you guys? why do moms always have the craziest sparkling water flavors?
17:13 why am i at my mom's house? she says, can i get you a drink? i say, yeah, do you have any sparkling water? she comes out with the limoncello flavored sparkling water. literally not even a thing. it's a thing in my family. i'm drinking like some vanilla lemonade flavored sparkling water. that's my favorite? no, man. you might be moms. not that there's anything wrong with it. stop sign, gain two to three shield. if first selected, gain gold.
17:52 once the shield breaks, coco goes berserk. oh shit. you guys ready for this? well, luckily we don't have to worry about that. could you really use a little bit, you know in karaoke they have like the bouncing ball, the bouncing ball that tells you where you are. i could really use that from like a ux standpoint so i know what tile is being resolved when and have like an idea of the the flow of the turn.
18:45 damn, i kinda got my ass beat. you don't know ball? i literally do know ball. i drank three bottles of san pellegrino with dinner on saturday. it felt awesome until i got the bill. but then i said, you know what? you shouldn't stress out about the bill. it's literally the price of like two cocktails. people out there, they're literally, they'll get like two cocktails and be like, that seems about right. but all of a sudden, i'm a dickhead for getting three san pellegrinos. it was, they're good, man. they're good.
19:24 i need some heal. even though this has some self damage, i need to heal. we get in that ass. no, we don't get in that ass. we take this one away, we put this one back in, and then we put this one in. now we get in that ass. at least with the cocktails, you get a little drunk. silence, 27 year old! a 37 year old is speaking. yeah, just none of these have any special effects. ergo, i'm leaving. at this point, i've played too much of this game to ever take a common. hurry up and power up.
20:10 alright man, whatever you say i'll extend horizontal on this beast. i'm literally 30. everybody's got to learn sun sometime everyone's got a everyone's got a tongue tongue tongue so her sometime that's back off the eternal sunshine of this the eternal tongue tongue tongue sahur shine of the spotless i'll get there. i'll get there. thank you unofficial and elvons for the gifted subscriptions, by the way. thank you thank you go away
20:47 like, brian, why did you watch the original top gun? why'd you watch the original top gun this weekend? i can i say something? i think i gagged you a little bit. i think i i think i gagged you a little bit by calling you out for only watching, uh, like, heartfelt sentimental japanese cinema, and you said, i gotta watch some american drek. i gotta watch...
21:09 well, you've been watching a lot of tom cruise movies. it pains me to say that he's actually been in a lot of great stuff. he's actually one of my favorite actors, unfortunately. they do need to free him from mission impossible prison. he's kind of been placed in mission impossible prison. top gun in theaters into a tom cruise binge. maybe when they finally finish the...
21:38 scientology and e% speedruns, maybe their prize will be to free tom cruise from the emperor's suite. where he's gonna be holed up in there like david in peter weyland's office and then he's gonna come out and make some more keno. he's a cocky white boy merchant. he literally gets humbled in edge of tomorrow but whatever, speak your truth. wait, wait, choose an item to trade. i wasn't paying attention. choose an item to trade. give an item, receive an item of the same rarity or better.
22:13 well, let's dump this piece of garbage then. last shiv. 4 6 damage with a 50% chance to apply bleed. hey no refunds, see you partner. how you doing by the way, chiblee? not used to seeing chiblee at 9.41am, although i guess it's like almost lunchtime in texas. i have 5 gold, so i will be purchasing nothing and exiting the shop. yes, i'm sure. i'm good, didn't go to bed at 6am last night. that's huge. that's huge.
22:54 i was enjoying watching you guys play killer inn. you're dead. you're not dead. you're dead, okay. and i enjoyed playing it. i believe that. i like a... i mean, listen. i'm not sponsored. i will probably never play killer inn. but it's certainly... i like a weird game. i like a game that was clearly... i don't know, it had like a suda51 style vibe to it, where i feel like at any point,
23:33 add a... really, i'm walking on eggshells a little bit here, but...
23:41 it felt like if it was designed by shareholders, someone would have said, what are we doing? we can't do what i don't know what's going on. so it almost feels like complimentary for me to say that it seems like there was one creative vision that was really driving it forward through a lot of obstacles where maybe some other situations might have led to people being like,
24:06 we can't do this. it had a certain amount of soul to it. yes, that's what i'm trying to say. i'm not sure i'm really vibing with the aesthetic here, man, to be honest with you. fuck it, load the slot machine up, man. no heals? i got no heals off of my two heals. fantastic, bro. fuck it, you know what? take the sword out, put your shield in. and then we just wait sometimes. sometimes you just wait for a minute. okay. nobody's attacking me. that means i will attack you.
25:13 surely you're fucked. it made the pew! it made a pew sound! you must be fucked, man. you have made me skip my turn. okay. and then... so like... my dude had z's coming out of the top of his head, but i guess we get to go anyway. i won, man. 200 gold this time. yeah, more geisty cults, please. it applies bleed and increases its pull chance.
25:51 why not, man? why not? zeds? good point. because, uh... wobushu... wobushu meiguoren? wobushu meiguoren? so it's zeds, not zs. absolutely. i will, um, take a snack and gain 6 max hp. you haven't noticed you've slept through the night. you feel invigorated. that was one hell of a snack, as they say. my, my, here's a lucky guy. my wheel spins only for you today, lad. streamers trying to figure out which game to play.
26:37 swirl candy is now unlocked gain one max hp destroy on usage deals one damage if less than four rows gain one shield if you have shield game to gold hang on does anyone i need to get a pen and a pad here. holy cow, man is it actually pronounced she my app says it's more like sure i'm not the guy who should be asking but i'm saying this strawberry looks horrible
27:13 hao shi. hao shi. the strawberry looks hao shi. you know what i'm talking about? chip, do you want to learn mandarin with us? listen back to yourself saying it. why would i do that, bro? i don't understand chinese. can't learning cantonese. that's crazy. that's aura. cantonese, i think is even harder, man. it has like six to seven tones instead of just the four.
27:59 i tried nountown with voice recognition and it does work. librarian, that's huge news for me. you might think that that feels bad for me because i'm like, oh, the game's not busted. what it means is actually like there were only like two or three words i couldn't get. that means for the other 30 words that i learned, for the other 30 words that i learned, my pronunciation must be good enough, man. my pronunciation must be how. i'm going to be honest. i think i'm just going to hit you as hard as i can.
28:39 shrixie mcspin, huh? oh shit, spat out a damn lemon. so i'll take a swirl candy and just keep clicking until i run out of energy. oh, i've selected... you could select a different enemy apparently. my bad, y'all. phew! i'm gonna keep typing it until i get acknowledged in some capacity. mandarin? nah, i prefer a satsuma. okay, i'm acknowledging that you know two different kinds of oranges. is that what you wanted?
29:18 is that the validation you wanted? that you know two different kinds of oranges? like little citrus fruits? this ain't jamie oliver, bro. like you gotta bring something a little bit more impressive to the table to get some dopamine here. this ain't jamie oliver at an american elementary school, okay? knowing two different fruits and vegetables ain't gonna get you that much credit here. i'm being bled for four? nah, nah, nah. i don't know what that means, ergo it can't hurt me. this seems like a crazy role though.
30:00 i had my shield up anyway. yeah, we won't be skipping our turn. hope that helps. we'll be going to town on you. he's got a damn scarecrow on him. fuck if i know what that means. scarecrow. ads. dies when its creator dies. gives no money. he gives no money.
30:31 you have to admit you're right about pomelos though. bro, pomelo season is just getting started too. it's gonna be a fucking pomelo late spring in the early summer, not the ozu post. i can't wait man. but i kind of i'm not even fucking with you. great, i did 60 damage to do with 20 hp. i kind of need like the we chat gray market fruit vendors set up in order to get the good pomelos.
31:01 15 bottles of sam pelly 27 bucks at costco kate. well, i want bye bye. bye. bye. bye. bye. bye. bye. bye that's big. it's a it's a good water at a great price. it's a good water at a great price something came across my desk. you guys seen 32 short films about glenn gould, but he was cracked at trading stocks apparently, i don't think it's insert like i'm this is a bit just for me. it's not insider trading if the dude just
31:42 heard someone at a restaurant talking about like a chemical company about to get a government contract. that shit's not illegal. that shit's not illegal. that's just good listening, bro. that's called being a good listener. he's not an officer of the company. ergo, it's not insider trading. it's merely a devious lick. that's what i'm trying to say, man. that's what he was trying to tell him. i'm simply not like enunciating all of my strategy because i think it's self evident.
32:31 you know, when i get swords and razor blades, i put them into the slot machine. it's that simple. i do have three bleed on me though. you know what? we go in on the boss this time, they're done. this lemon's putting belt to ass. it looks like one of those corpses that the taoist master had in his mausoleum and mr. vampire. they were fucking kicking them into walls and shit from like 10 feet away. it was crazy, man.
33:04 keen scalpel. if in the corner slot, apply some bleed. imagine if our slot machine was all corners, man. 2 3 heal, remove poison, 3 damage, aoe, small but dangerous. i kinda wanna skip and just spend all our gold removing symbols like i do in every roguelike ever. dick tracy ass vignette. henchmen type vibes here. big time henchmen vibes. you're gonna try to do 6 damage to me?
33:49 i'm going to try to block for six damage and cause you to experience eight bullets. six bullets. and then also a couple extra bullets. and then you're going to wait a second and then you're going to hit me. okay. online casino music. tony bette ai generated canadian market ad for online casinos. paulie's now unlocked. that's huge.
34:28 ivy branch always grows back. 3 4 damage with a 40% chance to it. these are looking like path of exile 2 loot descriptions, man. we skip because unless something's blue or better, we're not even gonna look. we're not even gonna look, we're just gonna remove. second verse, same as the first. i suppose i should have put some more symbols in there.
35:02 hey NL, have you seen bugsy malone where the kids were gangsters throwing cream pies? people used to talk a lot about bugsy malone when i was a kid. i haven't heard shit about bugsy malone in a long time. i think i might have seen it when i was a little kid. i definitely watched a fuckload of dick tracy.
35:25 nobody really gives a fuck about dick tracy anymore except warren baity, man. you're thinking of bugs bunny? no! people were talking about bugsy malone when i was a kid. the chalice of youth. 50 heals, self damaged 10%? still seems like something we'd like to have in our pocket, man. but then don't even use it. i knew you bastards would find my hideout. first you destroyed my home and built a booze factory here. now you've come after me, huh?
36:02 i don't really know about all that to be honest with you. was that us? did we do that? if so, my bad. and we skip this turn. and gains a reload debuff. sure, man. sure. what the fuck? you are not going to kill me this turn. so i will attack you mightily. this is pull chance where 15 applies bleed. no, we want to do extra damage for sure.
36:53 you're fucked, maybe? i should have just put only the gun in there, man, because it does more damage when you get more of the same thing in a row. just like a real slot machine. the music is taking me out, man. it's so... oh, man. i need to kill you. i was hoping...
37:32 get that shit out of there. i was hoping that i would get my chalice of greatness or whatever it's called. mission failed though. you take the bleed damage, hit us, we almost die. but now we get chalice of youth. you're done, bud. it's over? not over. we'd really like to get chalice of youth early though if possible on the next one. damn, you're good. fine, finish it you asshole. finish it you asshole. i'll get you in the afterlife. it ain't that serious, man. it ain't that serious.
38:14 ugh, fine, kill me...dickhead. oh well apparently you weren't lying, damn. these bitches destroyed my hometown for this shitty factory so now i'm on revenge spree. you guys are strong, let's join forces. what do you say? name's laura but you can call me sharpie. allies wouldn't hurt, we have a safe house near the fruity forest. you're much welcome.
38:40 neat. nice time to catch my breath since i don't have a home now. summon me when i'm needed, okay? damn! that's crazy. i won, also. holy cow, the fruity forest is crazy. obviously we take purple, man. wait, gain reflection for one turn? returns incoming damage to the attacker? nah, just more bleed i'm afraid. the fucked up chalice? 6 self damage, kinda disgusting to be honest. alright.
39:39 that who thinks grogu is a japanese alcoholic beverage? you guys fucking lied to me by the way. you told me none of you were gonna go see the mandalorian vs. grogu and then it made 103 million dollars at the box office. you fucking lied to me bro. sorry. not gonna lie, it was kind of fun. i thought we were all gonna not go see it and then we were gonna like, you know, when the box office results came out we were gonna kind of like revel in its destruction or whatever.
40:14 but you guys fucking betrayed me bro. you guys were supposed to go see obsession for a third time. turned my brain off, what a romp for the whole family. that's bait but it's still sometimes falling for bait feels good as fuck. okay, you're toast lad. just hit him once more. motherfucker. baby yoda hits a vape in the movie? even if that was true it's not enough. if he took a dab it's a different story but just just taking a hit off a vape? nah man. hi again, remember no refunds. can you erase
41:13 basic shield for my deck. can you erase one basic sword for my deck? can you erase another basic sword? can you erase one more basic sword? wait, we're literally unstoppable now? greed bubble, volume 4 gold, pop chance 50%, end of battle 4 gold. when it pops, you gain all accumulated gold. pop chance 50%? it costs 248 gold. just try it, who the hell knows?
42:00 i mean, fair enough. wait, gain 500 instantly. after each fight pay 150 gold or take 10 damage, last 5 fights. 20% chance to evade. blurry grimace. what the fuck? mcdonald's are you watching? fuck it man, let it fly. it's still under warranty, you know. is that like flavor text or like a gameplay mechanic? i have no idea. we got lucky, another station. what the fuck? i don't have any money left, man. guess i'll stick with my business fan.
42:42 6% chance to make your money back? yeah but once we hit that 6% chance it's all profit. literally don't want anything. we are the pirates who don't want anything. i'll take that cause it has some heal and it removes bleed. gold gold gold. hmm starts with a reload. guess what buddy? double guns i'm afraid. what the fuck? block one of your slots in the slot machine for one turn?
43:26 well, she's cooked. how were you exposed to veggietales? christian baddies in my high school. i'm not even fucking with you. and as is the case for most of the people who were christian baddies in high school, they literally both went goth in senior year. it's a time when your personality is very much in flux. your personality can go through a lot of changes from like the first day of ninth grade to the last day of twelfth grade. first day of ninth grade, you're basically still just like
44:01 i mean you're modeling clay, you know? you haven't even... you don't even know who you are yet. there's always like that one kid that's like, i've always wanted to be an engineer, but apart from that kid. the average, the median high school student is still figuring out like what the hell's going on inside and outside. 10 damage, huh? i'm gonna level with you. i'm gonna go full defensive role first. huge. i'm fucking tripping out at the soundtrack, man.
44:41 this is what happens when you... motherfuckers will really be like, oh yeah, i like jazz and then like this is the jazz. this is the jazz. and if you got this jazz, i'm bugging out man. we have lots of rows, so let's do more damage. the gun with the star is literally our best tile. what's the first thing you guys are gonna watch on criterion channel in june? there's so much good shit coming out, i don't even know what to say man. 10 damage.
45:23 we apply some bleed and some heal. and maybe some fucking shield. dumb and dumber? dumb and dumber sadly not coming to the criterion collection in june, but you can watch repo men. repo men's coming to the criterion collection. got a certain je ne sais quoi. is in the bedroom on there? i don't know. you know what i'm waiting to come to criterion collection? oh shit, 19 block. it scrambled my brain, i forgot.
46:01 librarian, you might have the inside scoop. when's linda, linda, linda coming to the criterion collection? there's gotta be like a japanese feel good, buildings roman collection coming out. like a swing girls, linda, linda, linda. and then just put another. they always have two great ones and then two that are just okay. they could put two more that are just, they already got k on, that's true. they're dropping bond on criterion just for me because i'm starting my phase.
46:33 honestly, i wouldn't say i'm jealous, but i'm happy for you, nick, to start your james bond phase. and admittedly, the first three james bond movies, dr. no from russia with love and goldfinger, are all really fun. like, pretty good, but also fun. i am worried, worried's maybe not the right word, but watching them for the first time as a self styled member of generation z,
47:05 it's kind of for me a little bit of a countdown to like these movies haven't aged well. i was watching them in 2006. trust me, they hadn't aged well in 2006 as well. he was doing some shit in all three movies that you did not do in 2006. so don't, just spare me the review that makes it seem like yours is the first generation that knew that what james bond as sean connery or vice versa was doing in 1967 was not okay.
47:33 we knew that it wasn't okay too. millennials were the first generation, okay? true, true. he should have been arrested in thunderball. i mean, he does some shit in like, i think he does some shit in for you only live twice. that's like just, i mean, those probably won't ever make it to criterion, to be fair, but he shouldn't have been doing all that. let's put it that way. also, there's no shot. there's no shot. bros undercover, like in japan, and people are like, yeah, this guy.
48:16 this guy's obviously japanese. there's no way, man. just, it's inconceivable. let her rip. now, mickey rooney from breakfast at tiffany's. i don't know, man. it's been a while. let's put it that way. trying to get into foreign cinema as an american. what canadian movie should i watch? honestly, you might not be able to handle it. i think you have to be canadian to appreciate 32 short films about glenn gould. you have to be more canadian than me to appreciate.
48:58 adam egleon's speaking parts as well. sure, yeah, you know what young pup just concern yourself with a little bit of cronenberg. you guys go crazy over jeff goldblum for whatever reason. just go ahead and watch yourself a little bit of the fly. your toe is flat. that was an engaging fight for us. oh!
49:28 power of 9 inch nails. spiky wood, power of 9 inch nails. gain 3 4 shield. gain reflection 50% for one turn. i mean that seems good as fuck man. trent reznor. my favorite film composer. boom shot. deals damage, has a chance to explode and deal aoe. get ready for this punk. i'm on the top 10 canadian films of all time wikipedia page and have never heard of any of these.
50:12 top are they top 10 highest grossing or top 10 by like critical acclaim top 10 highest grossing i really feel is like almost exclusively the resident evil movies from paul w.s anderson it depends on how you define a canadian movie to it like filmed in canada produced in canada canadian director like
50:36 it's the tiff list. i mean, i probably haven't seen a lot of these to be honest with you. give me a second. tiff list, 10 best canadian films. i have to imagine like the sweet hereafter is on there. canada's top 10. wait, but are these, these are not the top 10 of all time that i'm seeing. i'm seeing the top 10 of, of the last year. cause i know you've heard of nirvana, the band, the show. i fucking know you've heard of blue heron. it's making waves right now.
51:16 here you go, sweetie. top 10 canadian films of all time. you've never heard of a tunnel, the fast runner? i haven't seen it, but every time i get on an air canada flight, it's on there. and i haven't watched it because it's like 161 minutes long, but i'm fucking gonna watch it. it's actually playing a vif later this year, man. i might be you haven't heard of dead ringers, the sweet hereafter? come on. now i'll give you some credit for having not heard of like all these movies that are like from quebec, but like,
51:47 dead ringers? my winnipeg? the guy madden movie? come on, man. come on. you haven't heard of resident evil revelations? i'm gonna get my ass beat on this one. you haven't heard of resident evil afterlife? resident evil apocalypse? you haven't heard of... well, you got me confused. because you said crazy, but for some reason i thought you were talking about crazy beautiful, the kirsten dunst movie from 2001. my canadian ass hasn't seen any of these. most of us are kind of like,
52:35 and i count myself in here, most of us are kind of traitors. honestly, there's some peak canadian cinema man. fuck it, next long ass flight i take, atana jurat, the fast runner. it's time. isn't vancouver a popular film location? yeah, they feel like listen, it's good because people get work out of it. but like they film a lot of really bad american tv shows here for sure, man.
53:11 you ever want to catch like a sneak peek of what's going to happen on the new season of like family law? it's great. just take a walk around. but eventually they're going to make deadpool 8 here or whatever. a lot of hallmark stuff. yeah, at that like the outlet mall near the airport, which to be fair does look like, i mean it looks like a christmas village. i get it. deadpool versus grogu? yes, man.
53:44 now that i know you guys are gonna betray me and go see it, there's no reason for me to not go see it day one. they filmed ken my asthma out there? wait, but is this i'm gonna find out they filmed it in burnaby and it's gonna make the whole bit go like uh full circle. blood rite dagger. 3 to 4 damage, heal 3% of damage dealt. so each one of these would heal us 0.12 damage, huh? i gotta skip on that one man, i just don't i don't believe it. 1100 gold, oh shit.
54:21 this kind of sounds like, i used to stum, stum, stum, da dum, da dum. i used to dum, dum, dum, da dum, da dum. i stood for nothing, so i fell for everything. they held me down, but i got up. hey! i never had enough to hear their voice. i hear that sound like thunder gonna shake the ground. you know what i'm saying? the first lady of canada. where did you guys fall on that kalshi market, by the way? i don't, honestly,
54:52 if you gave me even odds on them getting engaged this summer or them breaking up, i think i take the odds of them breaking up. i see it as like it's a rebound, personally. as someone who has intimate knowledge of the situation, i see it as a rebound. zero to four damage, we'll be rerolling that. no shot, that's wifey. justin or katie? i rerolled that, i don't want that. i want this one, i want this one, i want yeah! got me feeling giesty.
55:33 somebody left the fireplace unattended. okay, i'll restore 30% of my current health, which seems kind of... i'd rather restore 30% of my max health, but i guess i'll settle for 30% of my current. not this music again. it's the type of shit they were jamming out to in swing kids, man.
56:02 if benny goodman was still alive, he'd be hitting this shit every day. every goddamn day. oooooooohhhhhhhh! when you see in mile end kicks... i guess like when it comes to criterion. so like, it's fucking 2039 in some kind of fuck ass canadian millennial collection that has nirvana, the band, the show, the movie, mile end kicks. i don't know what else is gonna be in it, man. probably not a tanarajabda fastrunner.
56:44 go crazy on this damn she's kind of tweaking off off the bullets, huh? sort of a ridiculous sentence, but that's a part for the course here to smoke in barrels three damage a oe applies bleed a oe if four plus columns lose 24 gold ma man. no, i don't think we'll be losing 24 gold. i love guy ritchie really how do you feel about guy ritchie's aladdin? oh
57:28 i don't want to see this ever again. i just want the guns, man. i'm like neo getting ready to head into that lobby. lots of guns. nah man, no thanks. no fork please? i'll reroll that. they're gonna keep bringing it. motherfucker. it's like when i order general tso's, man. i don't have a choice. fine, fine, fine, i'll take it. i watched flight the other day. i think the cocktail of drugs and alcohol low key made bro lock in on the plane the co pilot was losing his marbles.
58:26 it is kind of like alcoholic coke, but denzel drunk was a more capable pilot than the co pilot was sober. but less capable than if denzel had been not an alcoholic and sober. the sad truth is that if he had been, if he'd suffered from alcohol use disorder and he was sober when the plane was crashing, he probably would have done worse because he wouldn't have been at homeostasis.
58:57 but it would have been better if he never had that first drink back in like 1989 or whenever he had the first drink. so literally yes, alcohol was a buff for him in that situation, 100%. i don't want to get poisoned. ergo, full shield built, full shield built. and then select this first because it gives me gold when i select it first. it may still poison me. but that's all right, we didn't get our good attacks anyway. it also did not deflect any poison.
59:37 life is parallel to shell but we must maintain man. spin em'. real question, what's the best type of movie to watch on an airplane? it's simple, just ask the dude sitting behind you and to the left and to the right what they want to watch because they're gonna be peeping your screen the whole time anyway. figure out what they want to watch. my fucking eyes man. my fucking eyes are freaking out trying to look at the screen right now.
1:00:28 i'm sorry, i can't look at the screen except to select my shit. you're gonna put some fucking reflect on? that's deadly, man. people did get mad at me for reviewing f1 because i watched it on an airplane, but they're like, this is disrespectful to the film. buddy, have you seen the film? the film is disrespectful to the fucking audience, man. if i wanted to see old people drive like an asshole, i'd fucking just go to sean and see.
1:00:59 it's a little vancouver specific joke for you, but those of you who live in vancouver will be like, damn, he's fucking spitting with that one. i'd go to costco, that would be a much better, a more universal joke, for sure. you're gonna heal for 33? yeah, i don't think so kid, you're gonna get shot for 500.
1:01:23 i thought it was going to be another burnaby slam. people, i'm not slamming burnaby, okay? i know we've been through this a few times, but i have to hit it. people are like, when are you going to end your beef with burnaby? i have no beef with burnaby. just, burnaby's fine. stop equating it with vancouver. you do burnaby a disservice when you say your favorite vancouver restaurant is actually like on north road. just call it a burnaby restaurant. you don't need to like sneak it in clandestine like.
1:01:54 burnaby's a, you should be proud to be a burnabarian. you don't have to misrepresent it. killarney shouldn't be part of vancouver. shouldn't is doing some heavy lifting there, but i don't know what the fuck goes on there. there's a lot of parts of vancouver, i don't necessarily know what goes on though. but in time i may. in time i may. why does he, he looks like he's about to piss his pants.
1:02:42 every time i shoot him he's like, oh, oh, i peed myself. dice of chaos, roll random effect. self damage, heal shield, one poison, one bleed, double damage? fuck it bro. you talking u2 to me? welcome to gold city. welcome to old city. no one goes away sad. what about this guy? fuck it man, send it. i don't know. game's kind of crazy. it's got a little aura to it. you know in the game, the game's a little le boo boo coded.
1:03:27 it's got a certain leboobiness to it. like cartoon horror, cartoon creepiness. i don't see it? how about now? let's get a dice of chaos out there, man. a little battle block theater, sure. i rolled a five. five, of course, nobody knows what it does and we don't need to know. that's on a need to know basis. just get me? yeah, i don't know, man.
1:04:20 back in the day we used to call that five nights at freddy's coded. this is not five nights at freddy's coded, man. this is more coded like that game that i always forget the name of and played once. you know, librarians gonna know. not pizza tower. not computer shirlo, but i see what you're going for there. by the way, i've accidentally killed myself because they have reflect on them.
1:04:49 it was called something... mortal shell? not mortal shell. brutal orchestra, yes. it was called brutal orchestra. it has that same kind of like... i don't even know what you would call it. it has a certain enemies will smile and kill you type aesthetic to it. i'm gonna slash marker this. it was slot or not.